Not using.. It's just hit me.

At this point of time I'm not clean but I'm planning on reducing, taping and go off in the next few weeks early-mid June.

I have been reading about relapse prevention and over my past post to seen if I can get things ready for this time.

I was reading someone else post on this subject and it was like reading a post from myself;

"i always relapsed -- it was just a matter of time and deep inside i knew that i was a failure waiting to happen. " this was/is my thinking that all was my undoing, I never gave myself a pat on the back for getting through clean for TODAY, it was yes I'm clean for today but what about tomorrow or next week, what's around the corner the pill monster is there waiting for me.

However it's really hit me I've heard it in meeting and in books and other people, live for TODAY believe that you only need to be clean TODAY and forget about tomorrow next week or next month they will come, but focus on TODAY as that's all that matters.

Just keep at it with the gold of " I not going to use TODAY", the future doesn't exist yet and just do everything to not use TODAY. It's all about not-using today..

It's all of a sudden made sooo much sense to me today.

I can't focus on the future or control it but I can control today, now that's what I do have the power over and I need to make it through TODAY before making it through another day or even thinking about it..