May 30, 2014
so yeah I did the tough dvd workout, my weights. I felt better physically. I threw in 3 loads of laundry, I ate breakfast, I dusted a little and cleaned the kitchen and put in another request for the stove.
some ppl stay in the building a long time others move in and the next month out. this couple down the hall, next to the Indian guy, are moving. they are older the guy is in a wheelchair. there are two boys helping them. I think one guy is like 30 or less the other guy is real young like 22 idk
when I pass the younger one in the hall on the way to laundry, he aint look at me really, I think he look almost exactly like Chaz, my H dealer. he really do. but im not sure. and Chaz usually was loping about and not working really like this boy. this boy smelled really strongly of sweat. it smelled good it made me desire him
when I passed him a different time I wanted to see if it was Chaz. I was scared to look. I was going into the laundry room. and when I looked at him, just askance I did not meet his eye I felt too shy or scared it would be Chaz I noticed he was looking at me also. but we did not make direct eye contact. but I felt him checking me and then I desired him even more.
I look horrible, im wearing huge big long shorts and a ripped and torn lavender tee which is also too big and a million years old
I look dreadful. I haven't showered yet.
I am going to clean up the apartment a little more and deal with the clean laundry. I washed the bed sheets too cuz I sweat so much at night. glamorous
then after I vacuum and get done here I am going to go out even if it is only to pick up my contact lenses. they are in. I have to get out a little
the more I stay here I just feel like I am being dragged down
I have a lot of misplaced and floating anxiety
I was thinking ... I mean I was thinking that moving out of state even to Tucson would be very difficult for me right now. I could do it. I want to do it. But it will be very hard on me. then I thought, what if I move to Tucson to get away from the catastrophic earthquake coming and then the earth shifts on its axis and we all die instantaneously
these are the thoughts I have.
at least I can see the humor in it
I need a haircut.
Alfredo is here to fix the stove.