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Help!! Pre-k troubles!

Jun 03, 2014 - 15 comments

So at school (pre-k) Dameon will get a green if he listens in school, yellow if he needed reminders, and red if he was bad in his chart. He will also get a sticker if he was good, sometimes if he needed few reminders he would get a green on his chart with no sticker. MOST times he will get a green with a sticker, occasionally no sticker but green. Well yesterday he gets a yellow home followed by the note "Told another kid 'you're not my friend!', it was unprovoked and upset the other child" - COMPLETELY out of character for Dameon. So I asked him what was going on, he tells me "he teaches me to be bad at school". He tells me he plays knock knock jokes on him during class when he should be listening and then Dameon gets in trouble too, for talking during class. NOT an excuse and I made him apologize to the child. Today comes home with ANOTHER yellow and the note "Unfortunately needed a few reminders, particularly at playtime - was bossy and excluded others". I have NO idea where this is coming from!!! I know he has been playing with a "trouble" child at school, this kid is constantly in trouble and he's alllll Dameon talks about. This is still no excuse, I'm so frustrated because I have NO idea where this is coming from. He is never mean or excludes other children, this is completely out of the blue. Today he woke up really early for him and I know he was grumpy going to school. I don't know if it's the end of the school year wearing him down or what. He has two birthday parties this weekend and if he doesn't get a sticker and green the rest of the week, he doesn't go to either. What else do I do? I've never had this trouble before! I asked him what's going on, why he's being bossy and leaving kids out and he says "I don't know." What would you ladies do? I'm lost here! :(

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1383908 tn?1457401728
by Sheaby, Jun 03, 2014
If he's hanging out with a kid in class that is often in trouble, that could definitely be the root of the problem.  If I read this right, the other kid was trying to get him to be bad, and that was the kid he told wasn't his friend?  To me, that sounds like he's sticking up for himself and I would say something to the teacher.  Kids can't be forced to be friends with other kids they don't like, just like adults can't be forced to be friends with people they don't like.  I agree that he should apologize if he was rude, but maybe the teacher needs to keep them separated.  I would also ask the teacher was he/she means about being "bossy and excluding others".  If the teacher doesn't realize that Dameon is trying to get away from a trouble maker, maybe her position needs to be re-evaluated and she needs to pay more attention to her students.

2020005 tn?1476658962
by KTowne, Jun 03, 2014
It wasn't the same child that he told he wasn't his friend. It was actually another child that is VERY hyper and loud (I'm sure during class too), and Dameon said "I'm trying to stay away from him so I won't be bad in school." The "excluding" was him and his friend were playing dinosaurs and another kid jumped in wanting to play and Dameon said "no we're playing with these right now." Not sure what the "bossy" was. Dameon is at fault with some of what he's doing, and I've talked with him about it. I know he can be a pain in the butt sometimes, but not like this! I want to tell his teacher to keep Dameon away from the "trouble" children, but I'm sure I will get something back along the lines of "he needs to learn to play cooperatively with everyone, there will always be "trouble" children around," etc. Dameon is the type of kid that, if he's around a brat, he acts like a brat, if he's around someone quiet, he's quiet. I just don't want this to keep happening!

613872 tn?1513028824
by Llindar, Jun 03, 2014
I would deffinitely talk to his teacher. Share your concerns with her and ask her to observe him for a while, probably this way you'll soon find out what's going on. Maybe he's only copying that little trouble maker and after a while he'll realize it's not the way... or maybe he's being bullied and/or stressed by that other child and that's the way he's letting the steam off... it is incredibly hard to be well behaved and good all time. I never really believed in these reward charts - after a while the kids lose interest or do certain things only because then they get a sticker and not because they want to achieve something. Anyways free paly should not be monitored and "rewarded" this way....
I've been working with Pre-K, K- and Grade1-2 kids for more than 15 years, this is something normal that happens so don't panic your Dameon is not turning into Dennis the menace - he's only trying to find his place in the group dynamics - and that's where his teacher should be able to help YOU two :)

2020005 tn?1476658962
by KTowne, Jun 03, 2014
Thank you so much Llindar! I do need to talk with his teacher, because there are incidents of both, him copying a trouble maker, AND him being bullied at school. He was hit in the head with a rock by this "trouble maker" yesterday as well, there was no mention of this in his chart. Also, a few times he' would take an egg salad sandwich (this kid LOVED them!!) to school, he would come home and say "they said I was weird" - wouldn't eat them again!!! Same thing happened with tuna fish, they told him he was weird, will not eat them again! I told him stay away from those kids if they're being mean - that turns in to him "excluding others". I'm just so frustrated!

613872 tn?1513028824
by Llindar, Jun 03, 2014
Try to organise play dates with friends who are nice and have a good influence on Dameon - this way he won't feel excluded or the urge to belong to those kids - to fit in no matter what it takes. New friends would boost his self-esteem too. But yes, talk to his teacher first!
ps: Don't they have to fill out an accident report when the kids get injured????

1580318 tn?1550254481
by Shannon79, Jun 03, 2014
It gets very frustrating. I've dealt with a lot of the same things. I was ready to pull my hair out a few times.

The only way things got better was to talk to the teacher. Kids will sometimes over exaggerate things. And they will also sometimes under exaggerate them too. I've had to coax things out of Reilly before because he's been afraid to say anything cause he thought he might get in trouble

2020005 tn?1476658962
by KTowne, Jun 03, 2014
He does have a few really good kids he plays with, in and out of school, he's a magnet for bad kids I swear!! I will need to have a talk with his teacher, definitely!

1580318 tn?1550254481
by Shannon79, Jun 03, 2014
Lol Reilly's a magnet for bad kids too!

2020005 tn?1476658962
by KTowne, Jun 03, 2014
Of course, lol!! And they're so loud and bold that Dameon thinks they're sooo cool - my nightmare!!!

6990909 tn?1435275816
by jugglin, Jun 03, 2014
Hi there...I just thought I would jump in as my kids are 7, 9 and 13 and most of the kids I know have been thru similar "phases".  I have to ditto all of the great advice from Llindar.  He is finding his place.  As long as you set good examples at home, stress manners (by requiring him to apologize), and make sure he has "good" friends in his life I'm sure he will be just fine.  And yes, I will agree that the end of the school year brings about all sorts of emotions and behaviors...all of the hustle and bustle of the classrooms being emptied and a lot of down/"fun" time in the classroom.
You don't know me, but I would suggest a different form of punishment other than denying him the parties.  Maybe extra "chores" or "work" around the house, an apology letter/picture to his teacher.  I took away parties and fun activities too many times and now wish I wouldn't have.  Just thought I would share my experience.
Best of luck to you!

2020005 tn?1476658962
by KTowne, Jun 03, 2014
That is a very good perspective jugglin, thank you! You are right, he's only a kid once and parties are a pretty infrequent thing for him. I just want him to know I'm serious! I hope this phase passes quickly!!

1677620 tn?1384141101
by MeYeah, Jun 03, 2014
Just reading your statements it looks like he is able to identify those whom he feels cause issues for him and is trying to get away from them but doing so by hurting their feelings? If i read that right. Sometimes kids are honestly just mean to each other for no reason and sometimes they do have a reason and just go about it the wrong way.

Maybe if you talk to his teacher and tell them what he said and ask how to avoid this problem. you know how to get through to your child and if she can help you understand better maybe you can talk about alternatives to how he has been dealing with his problems.

982214 tn?1471454781
by krichar, Jun 03, 2014
I'm sure it's just a phase that most kids go threw. They are testing their boundaries.... Also to label kids as "good" or "bad" really hurts my heart... My son was labelled "the bad kid" and soon after grade 2 was never invited to another birthday party again ever (he is in grade 8 now) he had 1 kid show for his party this year as the label has stuck through the years.  he was also diagnosed with SEVERE ADHD, ODD and Tourette's and most of his "bad behaviors" were things he had no control over :( he is actually a very kind and caring boy who was misunderstood and now has suffered for 9yrs :(

2020005 tn?1476658962
by KTowne, Jun 03, 2014
MeYeah - I am going to talk with his teacher, it seems he does identify the ones causing issues for him and sometimes doesn't, he does if they're mean to him or distracting him, but he doesn't if they are disrupting class and he's following along with it. I will talk to his teacher, my only problem with talking to the teacher is the kids have to be "friends" with everyone, including the ones that are mean and disruptive, and I'm at home teaching him if they're mean to you, stay away from them, and if they're disrupting class, stay away from them and pay attention, and he's getting in trouble for staying away from them and "excluding"

krichar - I'm not so much labeling good or bad, just the general sense - the ones disrupting class and the ones not, I'm sure these kids are all good kids and some just not being parented right, some may have medical conditions causing problems, etc. All I'm looking out for is that Dameon is paying attention and absorbing what's going on in school and not acting inappropriately or misbehaving because he sees another child doing it, and it seems some of these children are interfering with that. As I'm sure HE is doing at times to other kids, I just want him to act appropriately and pay attention, lol! I also forget sometimes that he IS 5 and he will have these moments!

5575813 tn?1452481085
by Hollus, Jun 03, 2014
Gosh! It almost sounds like the other child he mentioned is bullying him. Have there been any changes in your lives lately that might stress him out. I'm guessing something at school is causing this. Maybe the room got changed around and he sits next to or by someone he shouldn't. He sounds like the type of person who will bounce back easily though. I hope this helps some! Good luck!

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