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Jun 05, 2014 - 0 comments

i wudda had 80 days clean if i didn't screw up grrrrr but this relapse has opened my eyes to a lot a real lot i now know there is absolutely no way that i can get clean and stay clean without help from my husband so glad i have realized this and i know i have to tell him and i will I'm thinking i will leave a letter on sunday when i go to work I'm so scared but it has to be done i cannot go on like this anymore keeping this from him is effecting me and my life in so many ways i am feeling so much fear guilt and shame around this and he doesn't deserve this he is such a great guy i know this secret is effecting my eating i just realized this yesterday i am doing a lot of emotional eating around this and have gained weight i feel like i am this  sore  and i am just  open and oozing with so much **** its festering lots of puss blood and germs just bubbling away eating my flesh and it needs to be cleaned cared for bandaged up and kept clean thats what i have to do for myself i am so looking forward to going to meetings and i feel that my husbands reaction to all this will either make us or break us its so scary I'm also going to tell my dad too I've decided i know nothing but good will come of this eventually i just have to do it!!!!! and i think sunday i will go to my first meeting sunday thats my plan

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