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Aug 02, 2009 - 32 comments

The depression sets in again and I am scared to death, I just hate being in the black, dark hole.

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by Bettys_Girl, Aug 02, 2009
I'm no expert and have problems of my own, but what helps me a lot is to say (and mean) the following prayer...
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."  I hope it helps!

Avatar universal
by beatingthis, Aug 02, 2009
Ahhhh  Sweet Sophie,

You have a heart of gold and shine even more then you know. Please try to get pass this.
1 day, 1 hour, 1 min.

I am here for you!

Luv Ya,


Avatar universal
by Cassie415, Aug 02, 2009
Hey sophie im sorry u are feeling this way. You are an amazing person and have helped me through so much. I know how u are feeling with the depression, i hate it as well, but it will pass. There are too many people on here who need you! So just keep your head up and go outside and take brigt colorful pictures lol and don't let the depression get you. It's only another obstacle in your path, youve gotten over so many in the past, you can beat this too.

Avatar universal
by Ella789, Aug 02, 2009
I know how the depression can be also.  My Dr. put me on Cymbalta 60mg x 2 day, and remeron at bedtime.  It has really helped me.  I was really bad after detox, I think the opiates work on every part of a persons body.  The brain is an amazing thing,  and the opiates can really mess with it!!
Post often and pm me if you need to.
Hugs to you!

Avatar universal
by 10356, Aug 02, 2009
My sweet sophieshine.. I'm all to familiar with the well with no windows.. and how it is to small for another to squeeze in. but bare with me my friend.. we have the power within to stop from going down the well to deeply.. if we were to look at all you have been through these last 2 months we may get a different perspective leading to a understanding of why we are re visiting the well.. You have defeated one benzo that left you feeling numb to the world.. euphoria and pride set in as it should then to turn around and tackle another so quickly spoke of your true desire and determination all over again.. trusting in your Dr. the meds were switched.. now we know how this screwed with ya. not only the weight gain but a whole different set of feeling to deal with.. then you get switched again and have a reaction and other things I'm very sure I have no idea off.. all of a sudden where the hell is your Dr. ?? Ya see what I mean sunshine.. this is depressing for anyone.. now we just have to figure out what to do from here.. what is the first step we can take to get out of the well.. Oh yeah you made the first step you are seeking support :) Now the next.. raising Hell with the Dr. and getting his prompt attention.. changing the meds back and letting you continue on with your taper.. If not there are other ways to tackle this but in the well it is hard to turn around.. so come out where you can fight ok sunshine and I will be at the rim with a hand offered to help you out.. then lets close the lid on that well.. ya know I love ya and only want your happiness.. big hugs sophie things will not always be this way.. respectfully and full of warmth..lesa

Avatar universal
by Ella789, Aug 02, 2009
I apologise for the posts above,  I so don't know what happened except my internet went down during my post.  Again I'm sorrry.   Hugs to you and hope you will be happy again soon.  Please see your Dr. and he can help.


Avatar universal
by boldsojah4christ, Aug 02, 2009
You will weather this storm sophie! You have a lot of people praying 4u here as well!! Look @ the responses! God can sooth any depressed heart! I know becouse even i get depressed @ times!! Especially on my loved ones birthdays!  Becouse they are no longer here with me!! God always reminds me 2 read psalms 91 God bless shannon:  

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by Burrpatch, Aug 02, 2009
Don't be scared Shine. This is only temporary. Angels surround you and will lift their shining sister from the depths of despair into the light of hope !! Have faith my fair lady. You'll be in my prayers incessantly ......   ~ Burrrrrr

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by jimi1822, Aug 02, 2009

                                           Always remember: satan subtracts and divides.
                                                                        GOD Adds and Multiplies!!!!

                                         Angel of GOD, my Guardian dear, to whom His Love commits me here,
                                         over this day be at my side, to light.... and guard, to rule and guide..... Amen!!!!

                                                                                           much Love, much prayers, much peace, much light...
                                                                                           Your in my heart felt prayers tonight....

                                                                                                                                        <3 jimi <3



Avatar universal
by Brenndy, Aug 02, 2009
Dont ya just luv that Burrpatch/
Take care honey.  Things WILL get better.

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by SophieShine, Aug 03, 2009
Thank you guys, I really need to talk to my doctor....

Avatar universal
by DrGraceG, Aug 03, 2009
Sophie, Prayer Helps a LOT, but I try to engage in something I like to do, I force my self. I love to sketch, so I start sketching something naughty to make my self laugh with a blush, or organize my drawers, (yes, I am a freak, I love to organize, lol) I paint, or knit. I am worried about my son being deployed to Afghanistan and my man has really bad osteo arthritis so I have to do everything by my self, it gets depressing too, so I try to distract my self by doing things that give me pleasure.

I do anything to keep my mind occupied with something I enjoy. Did you try it? What do you love to do, which maybe you have not done for a LONG time? Writing poetry helps too, I hope you feel better ;)

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by Loribop, Aug 03, 2009
It does help to break it down and just try to get thru small amounts of time, as someone suggested, get thru thte day, the hour, or even get thru this minute.  Once you talk to your Doctor and are on new meds, it may take a week or two to kick in.  I try to watch tv if you can focus on it to pass the time.  Take something to help you sleep at night if you need it.  Keeping busy does help.  Sitting in the sun always makes me feel good.  Don't be hard on yourself.  This is body chemistry, and not your fault.  Most people around you won't understand and expect you to snap out of it.  Unfortnately they mean well, but it does't work that way.  Just thank them for their concern and ignore their ingnorance.  Unless someone has been in this situation, it's hard to understand.  Take deep, deep....from the belly breaths and try to stretch a little. If you feel up to taking a walk, that will produce indorphins and that helps too.  Make sure you try to eat and take some vitamins.  This will pass and you can vent here alll you want.  The darkness will go away, be patient.  You're doing the right thing by being here and going to your Dr.  
This is temporary. Good luck and please keep us posted.  


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by SophieShine, Aug 03, 2009
I take pix that's what I like to do and it gives me great pleasure but when the depression takes over it takes everything over even joy, will power or enthusiasm. I have the very bad tendency to crawl under my rock not to bother anybody....

I just had my doctor on the phone, he had forgotten to call me back...... He's gonna prescribe me wellbutrin to replace the remeron that worked sooooooo good but gave me weight issue and the trazodone that almost gave me a heart attack! I guess the fact that my thyroid is all messed up doesn't help, the way my body reacts to meds is a lil weird... Let's hope for the best, I can start the wellbutrin tomorrow.
Thank y'all so much for your support, it means the world to me.
xoxoxo. sophie.

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by Janicaa, Aug 03, 2009
Hi sweet cheeks,
Depression stinks no two ways about it.
In life there are people that will hurt us & cause us pain,
but we must learn to forgive & forget & not hold grudges. Much easier said than done I might add.
In life there are mistakes we will make, God knows I've made
but we must learn from our wrongs & grow from them.
In life there are regrets we will have to live with,
but we must learn to leave the past behind & realize it is something we can't change. I could have highlighted some of mine and improved on them rather than accept them.
In life there are people we will loose forever & can't have back,
but we must learn to let go & move on. The one thing that loss brings us are memories we thought we had lost about them.
In life there are going to be obstacles that will cause interference,
but we must learn to overcome these challenges & grow stronger.
And last but not least:
In life there are fears that will hold us back from what we want,
but we must learn to fight them with the courage from within.

My darling Sophie, you are such an inspiration to all of us, we learn something everytime you post, at least I know I do. With your heart, your talent, you energy, your strength, I see that this depression thing your going through right now will soon be on the way out the door. I'm not going to tell you all the Godly things, I'm just going to tell you that I know you oh to well my sweet sweet friend, you like me have a spirit in you that makes you experience life or you would have been long gone by now with all we have been through. So let the spirit take over sweetie and you'll be out of the woods soon and back to hearing the sounds of joy. Loves Ya....xoxoxooxoxxoxo

PS talk to your doc to and see whats up.

Avatar universal
by boldsojah4christ, Aug 03, 2009
We love you here Sophie @ m.h. There is not a time that doesn't go by that I don't pray 4 my friends here! You guys rock & I can feel the pain in ur journals! God loves you Sophie & so does his son Jesus! Do whatever u need 2 do 2 get urself undepressed! Just always remember! God knows the heart & that is what he gies by! If there is one person that can truly stop depression it's him! There are remedys outthere but none can compare 2 his remedy! God bless ur brutha n Christ! Bs4c:

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by HelpinUtah, Aug 03, 2009
I'm so sorry sweetie!  I completely understand and know the feeling of wanting to crawl under a rock.  I've recently done that myself.  I'm starting to come out of the darkness.  I'm here if you need me!  You have my phone number and so you call if you need too!  

Wellbutrin worked great for me and so I will be praying that you will start feeling better very soon!  Besides, what will we do without our ray of sunshine shining on us all the way from Amsterdam!  

I love you sweetie!  Hugs & Kisses, ~~Janet

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by SophieShine, Aug 03, 2009
Aaaaaaaaaaawww Janet thank you so much!!!
I really hope the wellbutrin works for me, It's pretty new here and my dr didn't know it. I guess I'll be the guinea pig!!!

The depression is a true fear for me and I just can feel it come. It's like waves of sadness w/o ant apparent reason. And it just stops me right where I am to do anything positive, It's like a dark cloud all over my sky and I can't think of anything but the bad stuff that hurt me in the past. I can't do anything but sleep and cry and I just hate it. I'd love to get my enthusiasm back, get my positive thinking, my energy and my love for life.

Depression is seen here in Europe as a "state of mind" and not a disease. Fortunately I have a dr that think otherwise and that confirmed today that I just had some kinda lack of "happy hormones" in my brain. He siad it's like a bad electrical connection, eventually it's gonna short circuit, well that's what happened to me.
I guess the change of meds of the last month didn't help, took it's toll on me and my chemical factory is a lil messed up now!!!

I thank y'all for the support, the love and the advice.
I will sure update you and keep posting and hope to shine bright again real soon.
xoxoxox. sophie.

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by abel04, Aug 03, 2009
Oh Sweetie Shine--she's got those giant-wet-wool-blanket-over-your-head blues, feel like i weigh 300 lbs. can't answer the phone, do anything blues.

I really hate to say this daughter, but welcome to my world.  But I'm on the same antidepressant & it has helped, and i lost a lot of my appetite, and the 1st week it made me a little "speedy", throat a little tight.  Be sure & take it in the morning or trouble sleeping.

So...cleansing breath, stay in touch with your support, more pictures, more walks, eat more love love you.
xoxoxo from hell-hot you know where,

Avatar universal
by teko, Aug 03, 2009
That deep dark black hole that we cannot seem to escape! I remember it well!  Sweetie, just no that it will pass and in the interim try to exercise and talk to positive people. Meditation works for me sometimes but exercise when I do not feel like moving also helps. Prayers coming to ya! Hugs!

Avatar universal
by 10356, Aug 03, 2009
So very Happy you spoke to your Dr. You sound like you are already climbing out :)) Many love and care for you Sunshine keep that close.. I look forward to our next Bike ride :)) Love ya !!

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by jimi1822, Aug 04, 2009
Stay Strong Sophie,Your in my heart felt Prayers and Blessings

                                                                                         <3 jimi <3

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by twehner5, Aug 06, 2009
Oh, my Sweet Friend.  I'm glad I swung over to visit you!  Now I know why you were on my heart!!!  I will be praying for you.  I pray that your Rx will bring needed healing to your precious self.  Believe it.  Allow it!  I hate for you to be suffering this way, and so does the Lord Jesus!  I will continue to pray for you and for your medication to bring healing to your emotions.  

Take care!  Many, many HUGS...

Avatar universal
by outotown, Aug 06, 2009
Sophie, you and I know each other well enough to almost know what each is thinking, we do that all the time on IM, and you know that I have been exactly where you. You have my phone email facebook and IM, you know you can reach me anytime anywhere, I will be there, you are loved and needed, your FRIEND Aaron

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by SophieShine, Aug 06, 2009
You guys are all so amazing, how can I feel down with all the support I have on here, with the beautiful family I chose for and that y'all are part of. Thank you sooooooo much for that.

I think the wellbutrin is kicking in or, at least starting too. I woke up this am with a brighter mind frame and I thought positive. I just spent a fantastic day with my best friend and I had a ball. We're like 2 puppies when we're together and the world around us disappears. It was a beautiful hot shiny day, we spent it in the park and had dinner together on a terrace. Better than therapy!!! LOL
xoxoox. sophie.

Avatar universal
by outotown, Aug 06, 2009
I told ya you best have a good day or I would kick your butt, LOL so glad you had a happy day you so deserve it

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by SophieShine, Aug 06, 2009
Aaron I sure don't want a West Virginian a$$ whooping!!! LOLOL
Thank you so much for all your support, you're the bestest and definitely forever my favorite hillbilly, No one is ever gonna take your place.

Avatar universal
by teko, Aug 06, 2009
I am so glad to hear about your wonderful day and I hope you have another just like it tomorrow! Yay!!!!

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by SophieShine, Aug 09, 2009
back in the hole...................

Avatar universal
by Cassie415, Aug 10, 2009
Hey sophie,
I'm really sorry to hear your down again. Some days are just bad days I guess, but I do feel that the good days are the ones that are easy and anyone can get through, I think it's those bad days like today that really show your strength and determination. I think you'll get through this just like you always do. Not to mention, you can't be down for too long...your happiness is contagious I swear! Sometimes I find myself writing to someone and ending it with like fifteen exclamation points the way you always do lol. You always seem so upbeat and positive and I know you'll get through this. Maybe try and get out and do something today, or maybe you can spend time with Yesha, you always seem to have a blast with her. Let me know if i can do anything for you as you are always there for me!

Avatar universal
by Cassie415, Aug 10, 2009
And just so you know, I had about ten exclamation points at the end of that but I caught myself lol

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by jimi1822, Aug 10, 2009
                                                      Dear GOD Please Take My Hand

                                                 Dear GOD, please take my hand and help
                                                       me walk through this fire.
                                                 Don't let me slip away, please hold me
                                                        in your power.
                                                 Help me to see the light and to hold on
                                                        tight, to have Faith
                                                 Help me to retain my Dignity and help me
                                                        to accept what I can't change.
                                                 Guide Me . . . Sit In My Heart.
                                                 Please GOD, help me find a road out of here.
                                                 Help me find the strength to cope . . .
                                                        and to Grow.
                                                 Help me Regain My Health . . . please GOD.
                                                 Carry Me if I can no longer manage to
                                                 and set me under the shade of your tree
                                                        So I Can Heal.
                                                 Please show me the path to peace, and
                                                         mend my Heart and Mind.
                                                 GOD, I am powerless in this valley of pain,
                                                 please Lift Me Up and Always Let Me Know
                                                          Your Presence.
                                                 Please Be In My Heart and take my
                                                        shaking hand.

                                                                                       ~ Sherry Larsen, author

                                                                           Sophie, you will begin to Shine again soon (I just know it =0)
                                                                           I said some prayers of special intent for you so that the wellbutrin
                                                                           would be the answer for your depression. but as it acts as a  
                                                                           norepinephrine dopeamine reuptake inhibitor, it could take a few
                                                                           days before you will feel the effects. Your in My Heart Felt Love,
                                                                           Prayers, Blessings and light.....

                                                                                                                              <3 jimi (little wing) <3

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