Aug 05, 2009
I haven't made a journal entry in some time. Sometimes when I feel really bad I just don't want to talk to anyone, not even a journal and other times when I feel a little better I am trying to catch up with my life hench no time for jounal writing.
Today was particularly stressful because one of our pups is causing me more stress than my disease itself. I'm afraid she is too much for me to handle. Greg and I discussed letting our next door neighbors adopt her and I cried as we discussed it but at the same time I felt a relief just considering it. At least I know she would be loved (they have been trying to steal her since we got her) lol but I know she would be in theri bed with them and probably happier than here with me where it's boring. Our other puppy is so good and will even take naps with me. She is no problem at all. I feel guilty even thinking about getting rid of her. But being next door I could see her...unless they moved. We don't know what to do.
Also, my cough I have had since I had pneumonia three months ago is still hanging on. It has become so loud it hurts my own ears when I cough. The allergist called today and I have no food allergies which is good. But I have to go to a pulmonologist now because of my cough. The pneumonia is cleared up, has been for months and we ruled out asthma and the ENT said there is nothing in my throat and the gastro did another EDG a while back, only a hyatal hernia, which we have known about. So, something is causing this cough and we don't know what. I think everyone is so used to me coughing that they barely notice it unless I happen to be sitting next to them and bust their ear drum out. lol I am so very tired of coughing and need to find an answer.
Oh and I had to get off the chemo because I got pneumonia and the flu both at the same time. My ANA had gone down a bit while on it but had already started coming back up even before I stopped the chemo. So it wasn't doing much but making me more weak and sick anyway.
I am eating healthy and am losing baout 2 lbs. a week. I am down 24 lbs. since I got out of the hosptial the last time in January. Losing it slowly, I hope means it will stay off.
One day at a time...Sometimes one moment at a time...But at this moment I AM OK.