Jun 13, 2014
Life can go bye in a wink of a eye..One day I was 20 & the next I was 58..I really THINK it goes bye quicker when we drink or drug, however I KNOW it AGES us big time!!!
One day I had Heartburn to Heartaches, but found a relief.
One day I felt Nausea and IBS but that soon passed..Haha
One day I had Brown/Red Hair & then some Grey, but I found a good hairdresser.
One day I lost Many Friends and Family but I was too high to feel.
One Day I was going to DIE from this ADDICTION, but I found SUPPORT.
THEN it all came around..After using off & on since I was 14...(dumb)
One day I made the choice to come clean/sober and went into a place one more time.It was in Sept 2012 and this time I stayed and learned alot. I had to c/t off of my Methadone, Adderall I took with the Dones for a bigger Buzz because I do not have ADHD and it will wire you up..Then those Klons..Oh, how bad it is to c/t a Benzo and they did not even know or realized I was on this one too! My Physical detox went on for at least 6 months. I was up at a place in the Mountains right next door to where my Hub & I grew up..After no sleep for almost 30days and the Anxiety on the Moon I decided to go see my friends and some family when I got out after 30 days over in the creek that we are from..I had to go Camping because I could not take another day in a room full of people..My Anxiety and Sleep was still Bad but had calmed just a bit..By 40 days I made it back home..
OMG as I pulled up on my property and we have many acres, it all seemed to be a Dream..I could not even believe that this was my Home, my Hub and my Dogs..Was this the way I fixed up the place.(nice but too much stuff) was this my Jewelry and Clothes..Nothing and I mean Nothing seemed REAL! I would go out side and Rock back and fourth for Days..Finally I started to calm down and I think it had to do with being back home in my Safe place..After I realized it was mine..lol My sleep was still very off the charts..I had joined on MH in Dec and was up all day and night and early morning on here. I sure do not want my Old Post to come back..I was still Bat Wing Crazy..But I stuck around and made MANY new friends from here.There were many whole held my Hand and guided me through..Many who helped me realize that this was all part of the process..Many who I kept relating too as I kept going through so many physical changes and I almost gave up..I did not know it would take so long as the layers came off. I hung onto Weaver as he was a few months ahead and came off the Methadone as I did. I also got to know my Soul Sister Clean_in ks as she was very interested as I was in this Disease in a more Scientific way. But to this day she is a good friend too and a Spiritual Blessing for me as Tony is too! Then I would be so confused about other things and I would PM Shara my wise Grasshopper. This girl can see things that I had no clue what it meant or what was up..NOT just on here but as I grew in my Recovery..She would always talk about being in Diapers in early recovery and now I do know what she meant. I would always PM Toothy & FourJays as we all where in the NO or Low motivation at the same time. I still keep in touch to this Day with FourJays who is out living her life Clean & Sober and with a NEW Job! Well there are SO many that I DO Care about on here and YOU know who you ALL are..Just too many to put down..lol
OK!! SO as I healed Physically my Mental kicked in at around 6-8 months and it was SO strange and I thought that was the worse. There is just SO MANY STAGES we go through that each one of us have our own stories..Around a Year and a Half I was feeling pretty good and kind of on TOP of the World..WELL then my WORLD came crashing down and I was knocked back Mentally to a kind of a detox state which affected me Physically.. My Hubs Dad, my Dad, our Baby Boy Whiteface and my Mom all died in a 90 day period from Cancer..Starting at the End of Nov 2013 to Feb 2014. NOW all of this was just TOO much for me in my early Recovery. Then after they passed on I had lost 2 more friends to Addiction..SEE this time I was not drunk or high..I had to UP all my Support and Move on with Life..I still cry and shed some tears for them all, but not on the same day..This comes in Waves, but I do cry a little everyday for my Boy because he was part of the House & our Baby Boy.
Today is 6-13-2014 and I took all of these deaths and turned them over to my God. This whole Journey since 2012 has brought me closer then I have ever been with my Lord. IF I would of been drinking or doing Drugs I would still be MAD & GRIEVING bad..I would be a slobbering drunk crying all over anyone who would be around. I DO KNOW FOR SURE that by being Clean and Sober I was able to handle this all in a different way..I gave it to GOD!
It took me almost and I say almost 2 Years to Balance out because I am still balancing a bit and only have 21 months..I now see everything around me WITHOUT those ROSE-COLOR GLASSES..I can not even believe the BEAUTY I am seeing around here..LOTS of Wild Flowers and Plants of all KINDS..Things have been just flowing good and I Pray they stay this way for while..I had my share of HEARTACHE last year and this year..I do believe things will go good for a long time now.
ONE DAY I WAS HIGH & SICK, BUT I FOUND MY WAY BACK THROUGH GOD!!!!!
PS..One Day I will learn how to write better so who ever reads can understand it..LMAO!!!
Bless U ALL!!!!!!