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Continuing to prepare

Aug 07, 2009 - 0 comments

cold turkey



Well, I've just about got everything I need for my cold turkey kick on Monday. On my way to the Dr. in a few to get some Clonidine. I've been waiting a little while each morning for the withdrawal symptoms to kick in so I start getting familiar with what they feel like again. Not surprisingly, they feel like absolute ****. I'm making a few lists of things to keep me on track when Monday comes - a list of all the blessings in my life, a list of all the things I can't do when on Oxycodone and the problems it is causing me, and a list of all of the things I will be able to do once I kick this habit. It's really amazing all the things that you realize you could have been doing other than sitting at home "nesting" with Oxycodone. It really is true that after a while, you just end up spending all of your time trying to find ways and means to get that next "high" (not that I get high anymore). I think of all the time and money I've spent over the past year or two trying to keep from getting sick from withdrawals, and it's just unbelievable. Then I think of the times when I could have gotten clean but didn't - mostly out of ignorance. For example, when Suboxone caused me to go into precipitated withdrawals, I could have just not taken more Suboxone and I would have been home free - I had to go through all the withdrawals anyway and ended up addicted to Suboxone because of all the Suboxone I took trying to get rid of the precipitated withdrawals. Oh, well - you live and learn. I'm trying to stay focused now on preparing myself mentally, physically and with the necessary OTC medications to make it through the first four days of withdrawals. I think that after day 3 or 4, things should start to get a little better. I know I'll still be incredibly tired, probably depressed, etc., but the tiredness will pass with time, and I will handle the depression and other feelings through participation in NA.

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