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My cousin just passed away...

Aug 07, 2009 - 17 comments

My cousin just passed away tonight from cervical cancer. I am in total shock...she was diagnosed last year and had a recurrence shortly after finishing chemo - they did surgery to remove a mass from her lung but it came right back. She was admitted to the hospital just a few days ago to have fluid drained off her lungs and now shes dead.
We were the same age.
She sent an email out last week telling all of us that if we don't hear from her for a while it's because she's busy enjoying life. And now, just a few days later, she's gone.
This just makes everything so much more real for me...it doesn't matter how old you are -  cancer spares no one.
I am so scared...why did this have to happen? I don't know if I can go through with this surgery....I don't want to die.
Becky...

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187666 tn?1331173345
by ireneo, Aug 07, 2009
Oh no. . . . I hate cancer. It's so [email protected] and cruel. I'm sorry your cousin is gone. It sounds like she was feeling pretty good during those last days which I guess is a plus. But it's not easy on you or her family to have her gone so unexpectedly. You know it doesn't always happen like this. Please don't cancel your surgery. I want you to get better and you won't have that chance if you don't fight back.

I wish I could do more but for now, please know you are loved and hugged.

irene

Avatar universal
by boldsojah4christ, Aug 07, 2009
Amen sis cancer was an enemy 2 both of my grandparents! But God has called them home 2a better place no pain no suffering! The same goes 4ur cousin God has called her home!! Only he has the answers!! Just remember she is in a better place now!!! It is up 2 us 2 go on!!! Im pretty sure she would want that!! I just had surgery a couple of days ago! 1st time 4 surgery, i was a lil nervous but God told me that everything was going 2b alright! And he pulled me through it!! And he will do the same 4u!!! My prayers are with you & ur fam!! bs4c:  

329994 tn?1301663248
by lvfrogs, Aug 07, 2009
Oh, Becky, I am so sorry to read this - how terribly cruel and I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling. There is no reason for this crap you know? Please don't even think about giving up on your surgery. You need it Becky as I am sure everyone on here will tell you. We want you better. It sucks and there is no answre for why. I wish I could give you a hug and let you tell me all about her! Love you, will say some prayers for you and for her family, Colleen

196469 tn?1365387975
by justscore, Aug 07, 2009
I am so sorry for your loss................SO much pain and suffering and way too young!


As far as your surgery, you have to do what's in your heart.  From where I stand (or type lol) these are the things you need to concentrate on.......
YOU are BRAVE
YOU are STRONG
YOU deserve MORE
Ty DESERVES You!!!!!
Keep fighting........

Heidi

Avatar universal
by SwOC5, Aug 07, 2009

Becky
My condolences to you and your family.
Some time ago my friend died from OVca and then within 6 months my cousin from an endocrine cancer. My friends death made me very angry and afraid but my cousins brought me tremendous peace in my mind. Shortly after my own Ovca  recurrence was confirmed and i restarted treatment.
You too will find the strength you need for your surgery and your future
Mary


107366 tn?1305680375
by gah_70, Aug 07, 2009
Becky,

I am so sorry this had to happen at all...but especially right now.  Life has a way of throwing you for a loop at times, and I know you're so ready to stop all this.  You know it's only natural to be scared and fear the unknown. Now, you have an even clearer picture of things.  But in that, I also hope you can see how important it is you go through with it and get it taken care of.  You have a wonderful medical team who has discussed your case thoroughly and you are going to be in great hands.  You've fought so hard for nearly 4 years, and now isn't the time to stop.  You are going to get through this!!  I have faith that you will be surrounded by people who love you and will help you all they can.  Your drive is unparalleled. Of course, I didn't know your cousin, but I doubt very seriously she would want you to not go through with it.  When you win, in some small way, it will be for both of you.    

But you do need to take time to grieve, scream, cry, and all that goes along with losing someone close to you.  You have my deepest sympathy and many prayers being said in your behalf.  I love you, and pray you'll find the peace you need right now.

Gail  

483733 tn?1326798446
by TrudieC, Aug 07, 2009
Becky, that is so sad.  I am sorry for such a terrible loss.  It certainly makes one angry at the world.

This surgery is your chance to kick cancer's hairy butt.  It is going to work and give you more life and love with little Ty.  You can do this!  Anyone would be scared and you have every reason to be.  Have confidence in your surgeons.  Keep fighting.  We love you and will still be here for you once you are finished  your surgery.  

Hugs and love, Trudie

Avatar universal
by shewrites, Aug 07, 2009
Oh, no.  I'm so sorry to read this.  I know you will have the support and comfort of family and friends to help get though this.  

You need all your strength and a positive attitude to get through your planned surgery.  It sounds like you have a wonderful team, and they've prepared carefully to help you.  Please contact your doctor(s) and ask for a pep talk ... and possibly someone (social worker?) you can talk with about this.  Do whatever you can to feel upbeat about the surgery.  I'm convinced that the doctors know how to help you, and I'll be praying that their skills will be at their best on the day of your surgery.  

146692 tn?1314331773
by butterflytc, Aug 07, 2009
Dear Becky,
    You have every reason to be afraid, and now the sad news of your cousin passing has brought grief along with your fears.
When my mom passed away from her cancer 2 yrs ago, I told myself she has gone before me, and is asking God to keep me safe. I am sure your cousin is doing the same for you right now. She is with God, and asking him to give you the time you need here on earth with your son Ty. You have to be strong, and give this every chance you can. Know that all of us, will be praying for you. I will say an extra prayer for your cousin, May God hold her, in the palm of his hand..

always
love
butterflytc

523728 tn?1264621521
by bohan54, Aug 08, 2009
Dear Becky,
Lots of words are coming to mind, none will ease your fears or pain.  Wish I could find some that would.  You have rallied for this surgery and have good faith in the medical team.  I know they will do their very best for you and it may just be enough to beat the beast.  This is a huge setback, I sure understand given my sister's situation.  Keep marching on, love.
Sharon

788616 tn?1247409642
by Burnzie, Aug 08, 2009
Oh Becky,
What a blow!  I know you are really scared right now but its time to compartmentalize.  Last spring when I was going through chemo again my sister passed away from cancer after my first treatment.  She was diagnosed on Friday and died on Monday from brain mets.  It was yet another blow since we were close.  I knew I had to compartmentalize and go through the motions of the wake and funeral, knowing that the grieving would follow.  I believe that you have to do this now.  You are not your cousin, so you can't let this unfortunate happening change your plans.  This is what is right for you and you are going to have to try to not relate this surgery to your cousin's surgery.  You are very strong and healthy besides the cancer and you can do this!!!  You will have to put the mourning "on hold" as much as you can and do it while you recover.  I saw a psychologist who is part of the gyn/onc team after my second treatment.  First thing is first; you go throught the motions of the next few days, have the surgery and during your recovery time you think and mourn.  I'll be thinking of you this next week.

Hugs, Karen



378425 tn?1305628294
by dawnlyn, Aug 08, 2009
Beckie,

I am so sorry.....You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers...........You are a very strong lady....We are with you.......Love, Dawnlyn

168348 tn?1379357075
by ChitChatNine, Aug 08, 2009
I am so sorry to read your journal.  Please know you are in our thoughts and that I'm sure your cousin wants you to have your surgery  ....  my dad passed away after a long fight with pancreatic cancer and it was similar in nature to your cousin with her lung.  She did not suffer ... please recall that as you work with your thoughts.

ChitChatNine - Co-CL Thyroid/Asthma

Avatar universal
by teko, Aug 08, 2009
You can do this! You must do this for you and your cousin! Kick butt girlfriend! Our prayers will be with you! You are not alone.

219241 tn?1413537765
by redheadaussie, Aug 08, 2009
I am so sorry for your loss. You must be feeling very stunned.
I know this just shows again how important it is to have regular pap tests. My mother put off having hers done for over 8 years saying they never found anything, so why keep going? She was 45 years old. I dragged her to the doctor, and they found first stage cancer in the cervix. Needless to say she had to have a cone biopsy and it was pretty horrible, but she is still alive and well now aged 65.
My cousin had it too. She is my age, too. She was pregnant when they discovered it. She had the surgery after the baby was born. She is alive and well today.
  I get checked every year. So far so good.
I am only saying this as a reminder that ALL women no matter what age need to be tested at least every two years. Maybe we can save a life.
  You know you feel horrible right now and are scared. But with the help of your friends here and in real life, you can pull through.


415684 tn?1257329318
by JC145, Aug 09, 2009
Becky ... Everything has been said above.  I am truly sorry about the loss of your cousin.  I know the feeling all too well.  

But April is April and you are Becky .. with Tyson to think about.  I know you will do this and we all will be praying for good news.  

You have my phone # ( or Ken's cell).  Could someone please call me and let me know how things went and I will post it (if you would like me to do that).

Judy

643704 tn?1304684432
by Flicka0459, Aug 11, 2009
Becky,  I'm sorry I missed this post.  I am truly sorry about your cousin.  It sounds like you were close.  Don't let this deter you from the surgery.  You know in most cases it doesn't happen like that.  You are a strong person and if you won't do this surgery for yourself or for Ty than for your cousin.  Let her know that you are still fighting this awful disease. We are all praying for you.  Love Lisa

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