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What is left, I'm not living anymore..

Jun 22, 2014 - 1 comments
Tags:

Addiction

,

living

,

Hope

,

sleep

,

Life



I'm just getting by from day to day or it's getting my by pills and pills...

I'm finding that I am good at one thing and that is sabotaging my own recovery and continuing my addiction which is spiralling  down down and out of control.

I don't feel like I have any hope any more I felt like I have failed at getting clean soo many times that this is the only thing I'm good at.. failing :(...  

I need to get clean, I want it all to stop, I'm getting sicker more often and as zoo many people have said, I'm zoo sick and tired of being sick and tired..

But complying about it isn't going to get me anywhere, just need to write this out.

I need to taper down then stop, I getting my calendar out and writing down how I'm going to do this, I'm getting some clonidine, melatonin (it's no avail OTC here in Australia) and some to help me sleep for a week.

So going to schedule it and write it down and actual do it, as my life, my job, my relationship and my EVERYTHING is depending on me going clean and staying clean...

...... Why can't I do this, ...GOTTTTTTA to do this.... Lets do this, otherwise my bottom/ low point will be me ending up on my death bed soon wish I had stopped using so much sooner or dead, as simple as that... This life I have chosen has a short expire date..

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by Amandag78, Jun 22, 2014
Hey my friend, im glad your posting again. It took me about 16 years to finally stop and more relapses than i can remember. We will always have faith in you, you just need to believe you can do this. You have a disease of addictipn, there is nothing wrong with you or your mental state, its just the toughest thing we will ever have to defeat in our lives. We are all fantastically good at being an addict, because its an addiction. Something we have trained ourselves to be over a long time. It doesnt matter how many times we relapse, whats important is we keep trying and nevet give up. Please beware the Melatonin, ive heard bad things about this in a detox. We are all here for you, and always will be xoxo

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