May 20, 2008
Very scary. Last night I have a dream where I remember rationalizing, using, and then the guilt afterwards. It was painful to have real feelings about how that would disappoint myself, and indirectly, others. I even thought - 'oh ****, now I should tell the forum. This sucks." All within the dream.
However, there are a few bright sides to this situation:
1) I woke up and I'm still clean (very happy to learn I was only dreaming)
2) It was great to FEEL the disappointment of using - without the consequences.
3) Appartently, I have no business on a greyhound bus.