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Fed Up and Depressed(again).

Aug 11, 2009 - 1 comments

Well since having my last collapse at work in January things have gone from bad to worse.
Whilst in hospital I had my 2nd and so far last LP,again the pressure wasn`t high although it was higher than the first time it still was only 19 but at least the headache went away for awhile.

I was let out and told that I was to see my Neuro as soon as possible and that he would send for me....I had to wait until the end of April to do so and then only after getting my GP on the case,at this time I was getting grief off my works to return to work and I must admit that I wanted to as being stuck in the house most days was getting to me,so I asked the Neuro if I should go back to work.He looked at me as though I was a crazy person and said " No I don`t think thats a good idea at all."

So I had to stay off work,in May I got a letter saying that my employers doctor wanted to see me about all the time I`d had off etc,so I went and had a nice discussion with the `doctor` she knew bugger all about IIH and even less about a bedside manner,she offered me ill health retirement,I politely told her I was far too young to be retired yet.

Meanwhile I have been to the eye clinic and had field test,they showed that my right eye was losing some of it`s`d have thought this would have bothered them but no...they came out with the it`s not that serious and you don`t have Papilledema now you have unusual eye bundle nerves and have had them since birth routine and that he will be writing to my Neuro to inform him of this!
In June I had a new kind of dizziness and Tinnitus to the usual IIH that everytime I stood up I`d feel faint whereas with IIH I`d just get this every now and again if I had worn myself out with a long walk etc,so off to the GP this time,put the blood pressure cuff on took a measurement sat down told me to stand and whoosh I nearly fainted!
So now he`s saying I might have menieres as well......also around this time once again I had thought of returning to work,I`d even rung them up and was going in to have a chat about what duty they could find for me,so as I now couldn`t even stand up without feeling faint I had to say sorry I still can`t come back.

Sooo works gets me to see the `doctor` again once again she offers me ill health retirement,I`m still not convinced but she says that as my `condition` is so bad and long lasting that if I was to finish I would get an immediate pension off work instead of being paid off with a lump sum that doesn`t even come upto one years full I thought about it and said ok I will go with that so long as it`s the Full pension..what happens next?
Well says the `doctor` we will contact your Neuro and get a report of him...just standard to say you`ve got a condition etc,oh and you can see his report as well before he sends it to I agree,what have I got to lose?

Well it turns out thanks to my wonderful Neuro alot as I`ve just seen his standard it he says that I`ve had two LP`s and they have both been normal so he doesn`t think I have Intracranial Hypertension afterall,he also mentions that I now have bad dizziness and tinnitus and that this is also NOT symptoms of so lets get this straight.....I`ve been taking Diamox for two years that have given me kidney stones and made me feel like **** and ALWAYS had tinnitus that is one of the main criteria of diagnosing IIH and now your saying I DON`T HAVE IIH!!!

Work has rung me up and now said that I`m a malingerer as I had `tried` twice to return to work and then mysteriously failed to do so, and that I won`t be getting a full pension,I might not now even get the Lump sum offered me,infact I might just get fired off for having too much time off.
So here I am in pain, with all the headaches,tiredness and now the feeling faint all the time routine whenever I stand up,I`m about to lose my job and because I`m still so ill won`t be able to find another one so easy especially as I still can`t drive.
I`ve never felt suicidal in my life before,but the last few days I`ve had some stupid thoughts.

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397460 tn?1268533736
by Cath278, Aug 11, 2009
Oh Steve.My heart breaks for you.Its just not fair the way we are being treated for having the misfortute to have IIH. Come on now buddy, dont give into all that s**t now.I need you around! You have been a strong fighter all the way thru this.You even helped me when I was down last yr.Now its my turn. Yes, I agree that things are pretty bad at the moment but you can still get around, see the day, hear your beloved music.There are possitives there my friend, you just have to dig that bit deeper to find them. I am amazed at how my priorties have changed in the last yr.A sunny day ia a yieepe day now. There is so much cr*p going on all the time between the pain and vision problems that sometimes you just have to throw your hands up and laugh. I swear, sometimes I look to the heavens and say," are you kidding me?" I am here for you, as always.i will pm you soon.I am just back from the hospital myself so let me get a few things done.OK? Your friend, Cath.

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