The Life of Me! Journals
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Today, August 16, 2009

Aug 16, 2009 - 1 comments
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2009

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manga

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years

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August

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Work

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head

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Hope

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Life

,

Love



Well......*Maiya: should we just do a quick review on the first part of today and get on with now?* you are ever so wise :) yup we shall....Okay we left at 11 am....ate ice cream...came back to Iowa...and returned home..*Maiya: Now back to now...* At 8 pm today I started to cry uncontrolably again. Thinking about how I should just go die and get rid of the burden my life puts on others. I thought about how happiness and love will be forever out of my reach*Maiya and Artemis: But we love you* I know. That is the only reason I wont off myself. I don't want the two of you to die, but it makes me feel sad and like a monster when I think about how only two people out of everyone I know love me and wish for me to be happy. I mean I'm pretty ******* sure that my own mother doesn't even love me and wants me to go die. While I'm know I'm right when I think that my friends are my friends because they feel so bad for being mean to mean. Which I don't understand why they would feel bad*Maiya: I have no idea either* *thinks*......nothing comes to this part of the idiotic mind. Hmmmm that reminds me...what are we going to do about the manga situation Maiya? *Maiya: Well seeing as you'll be able to work soon and get a job and all that, you then can pay for it yourself*....so I will only be able to buy manga in the summer? Because I think no one will hire someone as ugly as me*Maiya: You could always put only manga on your christmas list* yeah but G.G. and mother will probably just ignore it this time and just buy me gothic clothes. That reminds me again...why does my mother think I like to wear girl gothic clothes? *Maiya: She probably doesn't like to think of her own daughter as a crossdressing freak, so she starts to think gothic is the same thing as baggy and that by you not wanting to wear pink means you want to wear red, black, and blue type stuff*...*sighs*...I still will never understand why she wont let me dress as a boy. I never asked to wear gothic clothes. I was on the right track a year ago where I kept demanding baggy clothes, but the second I see a baggy shirt in Hot Topic, mother thinks that I must want to dress gothic....ugh....one of the few things that make me happy was taken from me again. There is only three more things on the list right? *Maiya: yeah the other three are still DJ, Manga, Artemis and Me. So far manga is getting pretty close from being tooken away. I would have thought DJ would be but for some reason he keeps being your friends. Yet another thing I will never under stand*....I would give Manga until October until it will be taken from me. That would mean DJ and you guys would be the only things left. And I don't know how long DJ will last....I hope forever...but that would be of course impossible....I just realized that everyone I love and makes me happy will never hug me*Maiya: Me and Artemis can give you hugs from your head* I know but I actually want a hug that I don't start. The last ten hugs I had, I had to ask for T_T. I can only think of one hug I didn't ask for...*Maiya: That hug was a little creepy and I think he just wanted to see your reaction to being hugged* probably....ughh....I miss DJ, Jonathan, Willie, Cody, and Kody...ughhh...I want to give them all hugs T_T. *Maiya: Me too T_T* should we sign off for now? *Maiya: Yeah, I think were done at the moment talking about "this"* okay bye everyone. May all of you futures be blessed with love, luck, and happiness. Live Long and Prosper.

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954814 tn?1247191128
by kuroba, Aug 17, 2009
I hope you don't mind that I added you as a friend! You remind me a lot of myself when I was younger. :) You mentioned on your profile that you hurt yourself.. do you still do that? It can be a hard habit to break. :( Keep fighting the suicidal feelings! がんばって!

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