All Journal Entries Journals

It is time to speak and time to be heard!!!!

Aug 17, 2009 - 2 comments








Hello everyone!!! Maybe someone will read my 1st Journal Entry and so I will say Welcome to you,who reads this.
I'd like to say,that this is my start here(18th/August/2009)and so I'll tell you a little bit about my story.OK?
Until the 30th of November 2002 I was a fit and healthy young lady. But on that day my horror began.I collapsed at home with extreme Backpain and passed out.When I came round I was no longer able to move or feel my left leg and my right one was all numb. And I had lost control of my bladder.In the following week I was soon diagnosed with severe spinal Stenosis (Narrowing in Vertabres)and a disk Prolapse(Disks that break or slip)I was then promised to be in the right hands and that I'll be walking with in 6 month. But a few hours later that Doctor suddenly told me that there was a switch gone off in my Brain and that we had to turn it back on.The most stupid thing I've ever heard.Over 5 years I then fought hard for the operation I needed to remove the pressure off my nerves,so I could recover and walk again.And one disk after another broke or slipped.But one Surgeon after another came with excuses but did nothing. I fought so hard until I saw 2 Surgeons in Southampton Hospital who then tlod me that it was too late and the disk that caused me to collapse in 2002 had now cut through my spinalcord.By doing simply nothing I am now paralised from the waste down and they said that if they touch it now they would course more damage then good.I was never given the choice. They just decided on it,forgetting that I have rights too.When they told me that it was to late and showed me that on my MRI Pictures,next to healthy spinal Pictures,I utterly broke down.For me the world broke apart and I could not believe how ignorant they were.Why me?What have I done to them,to be treated like that?On that day,,just before Christmas 2006,I lost all appetite and fun in life!!!I did not see the sense in life no more and dropped into a very deep depression.August 2007 my husband Terry took me then into Hospital,against my wishes that was,in a terrible state. I only weighed about 8 stone(Used to weigh about 15 or 16 stone)and I was just fed up.What I really needed by then was a good Psychological Therapy in a Hospital,to treat my loss of appetite,my suicidal thoughts and above all to help me out of this depression. But,believe it or not,this Psychiatrist I saw told me that there was nothing he wanted to do.I just left and Terry,well he totally lost it with them.He said that he was ashamed of this countrys Medical Service,infront of me(I am German)He said that it is unbelievable how ignorant they are and that they first ruin my life and Health and then they can not even be bothered to help me deal with all of this!!!Unbelievable!!!I just left in my WHeelchair and cried and cried and cried.I was crying out of sadness,anger,bitter emotions and above all because I could not understand why this help was always denied,no matter what happened!!Why???

Post a Comment
Avatar universal
by luannc, Aug 17, 2009
I understand that life can simply suck.... I may not be paralised all the time but I have a condition  that took me a long time and a lot of pushing with doctors to finally start doing tests to realize that my condition is what is called partial complex seizures. these seizures have always controled my life! Even as a child. The part that angers me more than anything is how I got them could have been prevented, My father use to beat me as a child.these beatings and the other abuse that I suffered with my whole life kept me paralised but just when I started overcomming the emotional abuse I was discovered with this  brain damage. In a way I was relieved because I finally had a name to put to my symptons and that it wasn't something that I was making up (as many people thought). This was ten years ago.I struggle with the thought of how much more I could have accomplished with school and work wise if I didn't have been beaten by my father. It is so frusterating I have to take medication through out the day and at night 9 pills a day that lead up to 2840mgs a day at the age of 33. With very little education I always end up with minumin pay jobs and even then I have a hard time keeping them because once they know of my seizure disorder I get pushed out the door very quickly. The only thing that keeps me going is that I have 2 very young boys and a good husband. without them I would have nothing. But each day is a challenge. I feel that if I give up then my abuser wins. By damn If I allow him to think that any obsticle that he put in my life will make me weak. Have faith and pray and remember you are stronger than what you think because you got this far.      

1007315 tn?1250516373
by Wheelygirl, Aug 21, 2009
Your story is really sad and I can feel with you as my father did also beat me and my brother a lot during our childhood. Maybe that did partially cause my problem to kick of so early in age,but I cant prove that. You have mentioned a fact in your comment that many people have to deal with over and over again. The fact that people,including Doctors seem to assume that patients who are younger and more then 3 times a year in Hospital are immagening or inventing their healthproblems. That is a problem that may be right for some people,but not for everyone. And its extremly frustrating for those who are not inventing or immagening it,as nobody is actually taking notice of serios problems and waist valueble time to treat those problems as soon as possible.It hurts when you have never told them a lie and still you get treatet as if you have and it is so frustrating for me when everytime you go into Hospital you get to meet this huge wall of Ignorance. At one point I actually exploded at these Doctors and made it very clear that I have never lied and never will lie.But what I do not understand is the fact that I actually have a clear diagnosis and still I get treatet like that.The Doctor met me one day in 2007 together with his Chief Exacutives from his Hospital in a Meering,and there he could not even look into my eyes when he realised that he was wrong in assuming thiat I had lied.I forced him to look into my eyes and then asked him if he has any idea what he had done to me with this ignorance.And why did he never sit down with me and talk about the problem and the way in treating it,like surgery on my spine.Why was I never given the choice and instead they just decided not to operate on me,ruining my life totally.He just could not give me an answer to this question but admittet that I was his first patient and that he had made many misstakes,I then asked him what he was going to do to make my life better now and worth living for.And he promised me an operation to stabelise my spine,but I am still waiting for that.I just find it hard to understand that every patient they dont want to treat seems to invent their health problems!That dont make any sense and is way to easy for them!!!I now have to live with the result of their failure and Ignorance.And what hurts the most is the fact that they dont even seem to understand the fact that they made a misstake.They are simply making it to easy to themselfs and without Justice beeing ever done they can keep doing it to many other patients and thats wrong.Very Wrong!!!!

Post a Comment