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"One of these days"

Jul 11, 2014 - 0 comments

January 13th I lost a good friend. Someone who was battling with addiction and often turned to me for support and  encouraging words. He had asked mode help so mans times that I was just too young to believe that he actually wanted nor needed help. Then he started saying he wanted me to make him change, he knew the kind of person I was and he wanted to be good enough for someone like me, and I always told him that he had to get sober and be sober for himself in order to be good enough for anyone, let alone me.

His life ended on January 13th 2013.

Then I feel in love with one of his dearest friends. My boyfriend was an addict and although I thought he was clean he wasn't, and is now to this day struggling to reach sobriety.

It's hard to think about leaving when I know there was so much more I could have done for our dearest friend, who is no longer here. That's why I can't let go. There was so much more I could have done, and maybe he'd still be here. That's why I can't let go now, of my boyfriend. He has the chance of life, of living life that our dearest friend was robbed from. I cannot understand why he won't take it. Why I'm not a good enough reason for him to take it? What is so wrong and what more can I do to end this addiction. In the past year and a half I've spent about $10,000  on his addiction. I've bailed him out of every bind, threatend every drug dealer, got him all the support, went to all the classes and meetings, and now I'm here desperately writing in a forum because I'm in this boat alone, struggling to love and support an addict.

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