Jul 15, 2014
Well today have been eventful, I've seen my doctor and agreed it would be best to take this week off given all.
Yesterday was the first day of out the house went for lunch and then a movie, was a hurty but at least it made me feel tired. took a few carmers before bed and had about 2 hours sleep and rested unsuccessful the rest of the night.
I decided to call my mum and just update her as she was worried I was sick again, I haven't been able to full disclose my addiction and this is a step I need to work on.
However she had told me they were up with my Grandma in the emergency room due to a possible stroke or heart attack.
This freak me out some much, but I went into a range after the phone call looking for any addictive medicines I could find or had stashed everywhere, threw them down out rubbish shoot (24 stores down they ain't never coming back).
I went into this rage just because I felt so bad that I have so selflessly wasted time getting high and running from chemist to chemist that I hadn't even taken their phone calls or made a real effort to go see them (they living about a 2.5hrs flight) and If I wasn't using I could see them every month or even twice a month...
I'm feeling things and I'm actually enjoying It's been such a longtime I felt angry, Shameful and so upset at myself.... But not once didn't I think Lets take a pill to get rid of this, I actual want to feel the emotions and just understand that I need to keep them in check, so use some mindfulness training I knew to keep my head back down onto planet earth where I needed to go to the shop or do a few things, so I did that today, I went out side got lunch, did a bit of a shop and was a bit sore but Generally better than Friday ~ Monday.
I'm taking and dealing with it one day at a time, today day 5 I'm not using today.... I will do everything I can in my power to not use and god willing this will HAPPEN.....
Tomorrow that's tomorrow, no need to worry now!!