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I'm so sad

May 23, 2008 - 30 comments

I can't even express how tired I am today as the baby got very little sleep which has happened that past few days.  Tonight was awful as we couldn't get him comfortable.  We ended up swaddling him in this ginormous blanket and walked, walked and walked him until my back felt broken.

I also learned today that dh has to go out of town for a few days then end of this month/first of June.  I'll virtually have no help as the girls are also out of town & so are grandparents.  I feel like a big baby as I don't want him to go, yet, I don't want to stand in his way in a professional sense.  It's for a great reason that he's going - it's just that I'm afraid I won't be able to handle Noah on my own especially after a day like today.  It seems that sometimes I only need a small break occasionally and then I'm back as good as new.  We didn't hire a person to help like we were suppose to - the one I did hire fell through.  More than anything, I don't want to be like my sister who won't let her dh go anywhere since her baby was born and she automatically assumes that I'll be the same way.

That's another journal entry...........I'm off to bed now that the baby's asleep (for once, ha, ha!)

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Avatar universal
by grammy64, May 23, 2008
Hi J-

You poor thing.  You and I are the same age and my DS just had his little Noah 7 weeks ago yesterday.  We live just a few blocks apart and about every other day or every third day I call and go over and let mommy take a 1 or 2 hour nap or go to the grocery store or cook or eat dinner without interruption or just surf the web.  It gives her a much-needed break and  I get to have Noah for a few hours at a time.  Do you not have someone that does that regularly?  I can tell you that I think she is doing so much better knowing that she REGULARLY gets that one or two hour break.  I would look into hiring someone, a neighbor or the daughter of a friend or a local CNA, just for 1 or 2 hours at a time every few days.  It is not a big investment, but at least for the next few months until you can catch up, I think it would help a lot.  You seem a little overwhelmed and it sounds like a nice break would do you good and help you enjoy your little guy even more.  

Enjoy him and I hope you can get someone to help out.
Lori

Avatar universal
by tmv, May 23, 2008
Oh, I truly have empathy for you. The more tired you get, the more tearful and difficult. Does he do well on car rides? Probably too young for that one. Is it still his little tummy? Lori has some great advice up above. I hope you get some good rest and things get back to a norm. I'll be thinking of you and hope everything works out well.

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by 40smama, May 23, 2008
Thanks Lori!!

your advice is right on target - I had a big talk w/dh this morning about it.  We have limited resources as we live in a small town but I'm not giving up especially after reading your note.  It's like it's given me light at the end of the tunnel.  Part of my problem is that I wanted this baby soooo bad that I feel terrible for feeling terrible.  I'm even crying while I'm writing this!!!  Ah, post-partum emotions.

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by 40smama, May 23, 2008
Hi Tina -

That stinker doesn't like car rides, kind of likes the stroller (however we've had 100 degree plus days so strolling is not good at this time).  Dh and I had a long talk this morning & we laid out some concrete plans to go about lining up help on a permanent basis and knowing that has given me courage.  Thanks soo much for your thougts - need them right now.  Like I told Lori, part of my problem is that dh and I wanted this baby sooo bad and then I feel bad for feeling bad - makes sense, right??

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by mami1323, May 23, 2008
Don't feel bad for feeling that way.  A newborn who doesn't sleep much is extremely frustrating.  My son would wake up so frequently that I thought I was going to lose my mind.  My fiance worked all the time and never really helped me out with the feedings so I felt like I never slept.  Your feelings are completely normal and I think my ds was the same age as yours when my fiance had to leave to Puerto Rico to handle some family business.  I felt like he was gone forever and I was so lonely.  I also had feelings of guilt because it had taken us close to 2 years to conceive Jayden and at times I just wanted a break.  I think most mothers go through this regardless of age.  It's stressful and new, even if it isn't your first, and when you are sleep deprived it's even worse.  It will get easier though, this only lasts a short amount of time.  Over night my son began sleeping straight through and I was so grateful for the extra rest.  Does the swaddling work?  Do you have a swing?  Does he seem like he's in pain and maybe that's why he isn't sleeping?  Maybe he might have reflux.  Try putting him on an incline or on his left side.  I will try to think of more things that may help.  Good luck and I hope you do get your much needed rest.

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by GoingOnFiveKids, May 23, 2008
I dont know if this will help you any but I invested in a glider that can turn 360 degrees and slides with or without music. it is so comfortable for the baby and worked so well that I used it past him being a year old. I used it until he couldnt slide anymore from his weight on it.its 70 dollars here at target but it might be less for you in your small town. it's called soothing motions glider from fisher price and it has carry handes that make it easy to move from room to room. it has a two position recline. it is especially desighed for newborns. you actually can take a break and eat like a human again and shower like a human and nap a little too.  

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by 40smama, May 24, 2008
thanks goingonfivekids - I think that's a good idea' howeve, we already have a glider described above.  But it isn't able to carry from room to room.

Thanks for the support, mami.  I've swaddled him and while it works to some degree, it's so warm in this area even with the a/c, darn it.  And it's so weird because sometimes he'll drink his bottle, get changed, burped and goes right back to sleep.  It's when he's been up for a while.  I love to have him up but when he's been up too long, it seems he gets overstimulated and starts crying soooo hard and I can't stand to see him cry very long.  Then there are other times where he cries after his feeding like he hasn't been burped (which he has) but then when I go to change his diaper,, he gets very happy & content and then when I pick him up, he starts crying AGAIN.  I'm sooo confused.  He's not my first but I haven't been around a baby in 15 years so maybe that's it.  I want to enjoy each stage of his development but I have to admit I'll be ready for him to be through the colic a little more.  

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by GoingOnFiveKids, May 24, 2008
he's colic? if he's colic the doctor didnt give you medicine for that? My doc tried to give me medicine for that once my baby started suffering with formula.  I had him on breast milk for about 1 month and a half. But I couldnt keep up with him so I gave him formula.  It was like 1 week to 2 weeks later when he started crying so much and I thought it was gas and I gave him mylacon drops and it helped a little but just not enough. I took him to the ER and was told that the formula can give colic to babies. I didnt know that. I tried buying gentle stomach formula but nothing no matter how much I spent,--which was a lot, nothing helped him. I looked for regular whole powder milk (cow's) and read the ingredients compared to formula and there were 3 things and formula had like 20 ingredients. So I experimented and gave him the powder milk and he had no problem and that's what I did after that and supplemented it with liquid vitimins. It saved my baby from suffering and stopped me from giving him this medicine that he really didnt need and it saved my sanity. I told the baby's doc about it and she wasnt too happy that i did it but she wasnt there when my baby was screaming his head off and when my arms were ready to fall apart. I even alternated formula then powder milk and back again. they dont adjust to formula until 4months old she said. My mom said that she had to feed me a milk called PET because I couldnt handle anything else. Some babies just cant handle formula. two of my other kids didnt have problems and the other two of them did. I just hope this new baby isnt going to be that way. but I plan to breast feed and buy that melda breast pump machine to help me and i plan to drink mother's milk tea to help with flow.  

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by 40smama, May 24, 2008
Yeah, he prescribed some kind of med but it's hard to say if it's worked or not as Noah doesn't cry w/every feeding.  I'm beginning to think it has nothing to do w/the forumula but rather w/staying awake too long and getting overstimulated.  I truly wish I could've breastfed as I think a lot of this could've been alleviated w/non-nutritive sucking but who knows?  We are using Enfamil Gentleease formula.  I've never heard of giving a baby powder milk.  If I were you, I'd breastfeed just to avoid this whole issue.  Like I said, I would've if it had been possible.

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by GoingOnFiveKids, May 24, 2008
Again, I wasnt offering advise, I was just sharing an experience. Here is a little more details for the reasons behind my decision for doing what I did and my plans for the future.  My plans ARE to breast feed the new baby, it has been all along because that was the only milk other than whole milk that didnt hurt my babies and I even "breast fed"  the last one who turned out to be premature but he was in the NICU for a month and they advised not to hold him unless it was for feedings and they only allowed a measured amount of breastmilk per feeding due to his small stomach and also they had to ad something called human milk fortifyer and they had to little by little increase per day 1 cc which they had to adjust the fortifyer to. Although I pumped and pumped my heart out, I eventually dried up from lack of stimulation of the baby's mouth. I cant remember word for word but the nurses said that it happens because of a "let down" stimulation from the baby's mouth that cant be replicated with a pump. They said that as long as he feeds while in the NICU I've done a big difference because of my antibodies. I did everything possible and took fennel seed caplets to help produce milk, and other crazy health food pills to aide in my fight to keep the flow going. I went online to La Leche League and everything. Some of the things they suggested I couldnt get a hold of here in orlando. I tried the gentleease, Nutrmigen, enfamil A.R., you name it I tried it and I remember paying $25 for a small powder can and I even tried soy too. I was so desperate that I was willing to hire a wet nurse. I was told that years ago when my mom was a baby that they were fed carnation milk and she's 54 now so that wasnt too long ago. Anyway, I did what I had to do to keep him from having pain and from suffering, and I almost feel judged for it -- Almost like some of these moms that are smoking while pregnant or like I gave him a cigarette.
Wouldnt you know it, that even though he did not feed on formula he is the smartest out of all my kids when they were his age. he did everything before all of them and speaks sentences and he's not 2 yet. he has been talking since 1 and 1/2 years old and it's not like I sit with him all day to teach him, he is self taught in everything. I am confident that I could have already potty trained him a few months ago because he is able to tell me when he is about to potty in his diapers.
Anyway, I hope your little baby starts feeling better real soon. I hate to hear about babies in any kind of pain, or those that are sick because as parents that's when we feel the most helpless. Try to rest as much as you can when he does sleep, and just keep telling yourself that each day that goes by he is getting bigger and that he'll be getting better and that you'll be sleeping longer. Take Care.

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by Joyce49788, May 24, 2008
40smama,
It is possible that if he is staying up more than a hour or two at a time that he is over stimulated and will in turn be fussy and cranky and not want to go to sleep.  I think overstimulation is worst than reflux or colic combined at times... i had to put my youngest on enfamil ar after the first couple of months cause he had reflux so bad, and then at 6 mos was down with RSV.  it is a nasty thing.  i wish you the best, and hope that he is feeling better, that you are able to rest, and that things calm down for you soon


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by 40smama, May 25, 2008
I think you're right, Joyce!  While I think he does have some colic, I believe in the overstimulation thing (at least for him) also.  I believe that was the case on the 22nd when I wrote this entry in my journal.  Since then, it seems he's been able to rest better although he has some congestion but it's being treated.  I'm so sorry for your baby having RSV!  I have a really cool story about my dh and a baby diagnosed w/rsv.  Sometime I'll share it w/you.  Anyway, I have been able to rest better - I think part of the reason is that our older children ar home from college & fight over him to take care of him so I've been able to get a few naps in - you know how it is!

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by 40smama, May 25, 2008
Going  on 5:

I didn't mean to imply that you were giving advice; however, I was adding my two cents in when you said you hoped your new baby didn't have the same problem as your other child.  I was saying that maybe w/breastfeeding, the problem won't crop up again.  I admire that you were breastfeeding or trying to pump for your baby in NICU.  I can't imagine how hard that must have been and if I were in the situation, my milk supply would've probably dried up too.  To be honest, I've never heard of giving a baby powdered milk and I had babies 24 years ago, but I'm not judging you about how you were able to feed your baby.  It sounds that your baby got the nutrients he needed to grow and that's the important thing.  You seem a little sensitive about this issue but don't worry about it.  I mean here I am having had four babies and am totally confused with this one.

Thanks for the encouragement about the rest thing.  You know, my ob said the same thing at my last visit.  He even came out into the waiting room and talked to my dh about both of us getting rest when the baby was sleeping even if it was for a short amount of time.  I'm glad that you reminded me that everyday he's getting bigger and stronger and that's the important thing.

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by Tanker Chic, May 27, 2008
I know you tried letting him sleep laying on you in the recliner in the past.  Does that not work anymore? I wouldn't worry too much about getting him in his crib if that is the deal. You can always do that later. jacob slept in the crib the first couple of weeks, but after that we slept in the recliner together until he was 10wks old.  The transition to the crib really wasn't bad at all at that point.  I started off always letting him fall asleep with me and then moved him to the crib afterward.  I still often put him in the crib once he is asleep but he often wakes up and lays there for a while awake before he finally falls back to sleep.  Also I read that when they are younger they usually stay awake later but after about 6 to 8wks most babies will start settling down earlier.  

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time with his sleeping. I know that must be so difficult.  

Avatar universal
by grammy64, May 27, 2008
Jen-

Any better, cuz I can fly there and give you a break, LOL!  I am ubergrammaLo~!!!  I think your DH and your talk is the thing you need.  Just a little break, an hour or so at a time, will make all the diff!  Sleep when he sleeps, no matter what else goes to the dogs....SLEEP GIRLIE!

Lor

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by 40smama, May 28, 2008
Hi Hannah - No, he's not in the crib yet - in fact I've not tried it yet (hasn't occurred to me yet - ha, ha!).  I think we've found a little 'soothing' reflex that works about 75% of the time.  I put him against my chest, walk around doing a dance while singing "La Cucaracha" & saying nursery rhymes but he prefers the cockroach one.  He begins to relax & doze.  Although he doesn't stay sleeping, at least he's relaxed & closer to being comfortable which is a step to being closer to sleeping.

I've heard that thing too about the younger infants will stay awake but hopefully at the 6-8 week mark he'll begin to settle himself down a bit or at least learn to.  Does Jacob have to cry to settle himself down?  Just curious.  I too noticed that if I let Noah get overstimulated, the vicious cycle begins so if I start to settle him down when he FIRST gets fussy, I have much better luck at least for now anyway.  Dh and I have worked out a little better routine about doing the nighttime feedings so at least I get some sleep and in more control of my emotions although today wasn't a good example - the girls' cell phone came in - another entry for another time.....





  

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by 40smama, May 28, 2008
Hi lori - a little better as you can see from my response to Tanker's note.  That's good advice and my ob said the same thing last week at my post-partum visit.  He even went into the waiting room and said the same thing to my dh  - in fact ordered it!

Noah likes the cockroach song (don't know what that means - ha, ha) but shoot, anything that works will do for me!  I'm not so scared about dh going out of town although still am a bit worried.  When I was younger, I used to not be such a baby.  Thanks for your offer - do you live anywhere New Mexico?  Ahh just what I thought!!! - jen

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by Tanker Chic, May 29, 2008
No Jacob doesn't cry before he settles down but he does get a little squirmy like he is fighting it and then he gives in and relaxes.  I have to admit, I have been blessed with that part. We struggle with the feedings but other than that, Jacob is a really easy baby. He really doesn't fuss too much and if he does fuss a little, you pick him up and he is happy.  I saw on one of your other posts that Noah doesn't like the paci... at first Jacob didn't really care for it either, but I kept trying and trying and trying and now he really likes it. It really is a lifesaver.  Everynight I lay Jacob on my chest, put the paci in and he is out in a matter of minutes.  Without the paci often he is real alert and awake but the paci settles him down.  So I would keep trying. I have noticed there a lot of things that he wasn't initially interested in, now he likes.  Like the paci, mobiles, bouncy seat, swing and play mat.  

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by mami1323, May 29, 2008
My son is 6 months and he was great at going to sleep until recently.  Last night I got lucky but usually my fiance comes home from work early and overstimulates the baby to death.  I get so annoyed because I know that it's going to be a struggle to get Jayden to go to sleep.  I know my fiance misses him but then Jayden thinks it's play time, rather than sleep time.  So he rubs his eyes but insists on staying up.  Then when I try to put him in his crib he cries and stops and cries and stops.  It lasts a good 15-20 minutes.  I comfort him a little but eventually he falls out.  It's exhausting because the last thing you want is to let your child cry, but he's not in pain he's just fighting the sleep.  Like it's a difficult thing to do right?  

40smama - does your son get cranky more during 5 - 9 pm?  If so, they call that the un-happy hour.  Most babies get restless and irritable during these times.  It starts when they are about 10 weeks old.  Don't know why but this is a pretty normal thing.  My son was this way.  I believe it's from the stressors of the entire day or perhaps they are more gassy at these times.  My son once cried for a complete 4 hours, refusing to sleep.  I was ready to rip my hair out.  Guess what, once they hit 3 months, it's like an automatic end to the evening fussiness.  It's so true because my son just stopped.  Hang in there, it gets easier.  Really it does.

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by girliegrl1723, May 29, 2008
mami - oh you are so right about that 5-9 pm thing. edward would never make it past 7 or 8 pm at that age but we used to call it "that time". i remember a couple times we tried going out for a bite to eat with family or friends and forget it! we were in and out in a matter of minutes because he was soooo super cranky. no good outings during "that time" until he was at least 6 months old.

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by mami1323, May 29, 2008
I used to call it the b i t c h i n g hour...lol.  He was horrible.  They say if you distract them at that time they will forget to act up but that wasn't true.  I would look at the clock and dread the evening.  I started carrying him more at those times and that sometimes helped but it was just something they have to grow out of.

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by Hope2OneDay, May 29, 2008
I didn't have time to read all of the other people's posts (just skimmed through them), but have you tried to let Noah sleep in a swing? For the first couple of months, my son wouldn't sleep in his bassinett. We finally put his swing next to our bed and swaddled him up (not in a blanket, but the actual "Swaddle Me" swaddler that you can buy) and laid him in it. Since he couldn't really move around, it was perfect! Also, he was at an incline so his reflux wouldn't bother him (we kept it in the "laid back" position, but even then it still had a slight incline).

Anyway, in the beginning we used a Fisher Price Aquarium swing, but later we bought a Papasan swing, which he absolutely LOVED. I wouldn't necessarily have it swinging, but he did enjoy the lights and music (of the aquarium one) and then if he woke up and started fussing, all I had to do was reach over and lightly push it or even hold it myself and move it back and forth so I could control the "speed". He usually fell right back to sleep when he felt the motion.  Sometimes, on the more fussy evenings, I just had to start him out swinging and turn it off after he drifted to sleep.

Eventually, he finally got used to the bassinett and we only used the swing for nap times. Again, the music helped him get to sleep (eventually replaced by a lullaby cd set on "repeat play"!). The Papasan swing was so roomy that he just conked right out.

Anyway, those are some things we tried.

Being by yourelf while your husband is away can be frustrating. My hubby left for a week in February on business. I got sick the day before he left (and I hadn't been sick since during my pregnancy!!). So I was taking care of a teething baby while sleep deprived and miserable...and of course Levi turned up sick after three days, so then I was up with him at night. He was running fevers, had a stuffy nose and refused to eat. I literally had to rock him to sleep numerouse times during the night because he didn't want to sleep in his crib. He started crying as soon as I laid him back down or as soon as I got under my covers. I'll never know how I made it through that week...but at the end of it, I looked back and thought "I DID it!"

This is why women were chosen to carry the baby, give birth, and be the mommy. Because men couldn't handle it! They think they're tough, but they really have NO clue do they? We just simply "do what we have to do".

Just keep telling yourself "I am woman, hear me ROAR!" even if you let out a little whimper at the end. We'll never tell! LOL

Good luck! :-)

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by 40smama, May 29, 2008
Hi Hannah - I'll keep trying paci and the other stuff.  He kind of likes his bouncy seat - thank God.  Still really likes that Cucaracha song.  I put him in his crib today to watch the mobile and it lasted 2 minutes but hey, that's two minutes that I could go to the bathroom - so YEAH!

Mami - nope, he's fussy at any time of the day.  Sometimes it's in the morning, sometimes it's early afternoon, evening, middle of the night, etc - well you get the picture.  That's one of the things his dr asked me.  Like I said one of the connections is that overstimulation thing.  But last night wasn't too bad until 4:30 a.m. & then he decided to be up but at least he wasn't fussy - just wide awake which wasn't too bad

He doesn't like his swing except when it's not swinging - get that!  The one thing that's consistent w/Noah is that he likes having his diaper changed and being naked.  I change his diaper A LOT even when it's not wet because he enjoys it so.  

I want to treasure every moment w/him!!  But in a way I can't wait to hit that 3 month mark either ahh dilemna.  It's just that he's soo cute being so little.  he'll never be that way again.  I hope I don't have your experience, hope.  That must've been so hard.  

I feel kind of bad that I think I might be harping or focusing on all of the negative stuff when there's so much positive that comes from taking care of a little one.  Noah smiled up at me yesterday when I was burping him and it was thrilling!  Plus I thought he cooed when I was changing his diaper in the middle of the night - I'm learning not to play w/him at that time.  And when he did his 1:30 a.m. feeding, he was back in bed by 2:00 a.m. and didn't wake up until 4:30 a.m. so many things to be thankful for.  Still worried about taking care of him w/out dh but I know we'll make it!

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by rukiyar, May 29, 2008
Sounds like colic or he may just be gassy, try fennel seed tea, all you do is buy fennel seed boil it strain off the seed and wait to cool and give it to him, works like a wonder in soothing them, Colic goes away by it self in two to three months ( I know you dont wanna hear that )You however need to try and rest whenever you can just remember before you know it your gonna be crying cuz you'll be putting him on the bus for kindergarten time flys just think how your nerves was on edge while preggers and now look seems like you where never pregnant and he's here already, A warm bath with lavander or chamoille soap before bed might also sooth him, I hope it get a whole lot better real soon.

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by Tanker Chic, May 29, 2008
I know what you mean about changing their diapers. Jacob and I always have a good time a the changing table.  

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by Tanker Chic, May 29, 2008
Oh and after I wipe his hiny with wet-one, I pat it with a cloth and sing "this is how we pat our hiny, pat our hiny, pat our hiny, the is the way we pat our hiny early in the morning"  (or afternoon or evening)...  Jacob just loves that song.  

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by mami1323, May 29, 2008
My son loves being changed also.  He loves being naked.  He can spend like 1/2 in just his diaper playing on my bed.  I always say "naked baby" and he laughs.  It's funny what us mothers do.  Well now my son has found his wee wee and grabs it at every changing.  Real nice, right?  

40smama - do you breastfeed or bottlefeed?  Try using Dr. Brown Bottles...they help reduce gas intake.  Unless you use them already.  You may just have a fussy baby.  They do grow out of it though.  My son was always a whinner and now he's so much fun to be with.  I hate leaving him at all.  

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by 40smama, May 30, 2008
He doesn't like La Cucaracha, Hannah??  J/k - I love your hiny song.  Tonight was a night from hell!!!  Nothing soothed Noah - i've never seen him like this and it scared the hell out of dh.  We are using Playtex drop-ins as Noah doesn't like Dr. Brown's bottles.  Anyway, I gave him a bath, changed him which during the whole time he screamed so hard that he turned blue.  

I'm sure you guys have heard stories like this so you won't be surprised but I've never seen a baby cry like that.  And I've had 4 babies but it's been a while.  After his bath, I wrapped him in a towel w/out his diaper and went into a dark, cool, quiet room.  He had about 1/2 an ounce of a bottle left so I touched it to his lips & he immediately quieted down.  I thought he was hungry even thought it only was barely an hour since he ate so I fixed him some more formula even though he hadn't taken it 15 minutes earlier.  He started gulping down the formula and then he started screaming.  I then put the 1/2 ounce bottle around his lips and he just settled down.  he didn't suck on it - he just sort of chewed on it.

He fell asleep w/in 3-5 minutes although it was a very light sleep.  After a bit, I put on his diaper but still kept him wrapped in the towel.  He still slept so I just kept holding him w/out rocking.  I eventually dozed off while holding him (we were in this funny position on the couch so he was in no danger of falling).  When I 'woke up', he was in a deep sleep.  I put him in his bassinette & he slept about two hours.  He then woke up and drank his bottle and went instantly back to sleep.  I really think it has something to do w/Noah fighting sleep plus there's some gas involved.  In this case, we had used the prescription med for gas so I think it was the fighting/overstimulation thing.

I realized tonight that there's no sure-fire way to soothe this baby - we're just going to have to go by instinct.  I hope we don't have another night like this in a long while.  Poor baby.

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by mami1323, May 30, 2008
Sorry to hear you and Noah had a tough night.  Sounds like he may have a bit of reflux.  What prescription meds are you using?  You know him the best, you are mommy.  It sounds like you are doing all you can.  Sometimes there is nothing we can do to stop them from crying.  Just let him know that you are there with him and that's all he needs.  This will be over soon enough and you will have a happy baby who hopefully sleeps.  Then the teething begins...lol.  I used to be so miserable because of the lack of sleep.  My son was so big, he ate every 2 hours.  I thought I would go nuts.  Once 2 months hit he would sleep almost straight through.  Now, he is a pretty great sleeper and the time went by so fast.  Of course while it was happening I swore it lasted forever.  I was walking around in a bubble from the exhaustion.  Not to mention I've been sick so many times this year.  Probably from the lack of sleep, it's wearing thin on my immune system.  I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world though and I will do again in a few years.  They are so worth the lack of sleep.

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by Tanker Chic, May 30, 2008
Jacob is 3.5 months now and has only started enjoying his baths the last couple of weeks.  Before that often he would cry or even if he didn't cry, you could tell he was just enduring it.  Lots of times I would just skip the bath and wipe him down with a wash cloth. It didn't seems like it was worth the stress.  I'm so sorry to hear he was crying that hard. Jacob had one really bad crying fit like that after his shots. It is so hard.. I'm sorry hon... Just keep reminding yourself that you all will get through this.  

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