All Journal Entries Journals

Someone at school told my 3yr old she's bad?

Aug 26, 2009 - 15 comments

Last week Lily started school. She goes Wed-Fri from 8:30-1:15.  On Thurs. 2nd day of school, she said during prayers that "the people" told her she was bad. Mind you I'm paying a pretty penny for this private school.  On Friday I brought it up to another mother whom said her dd was starting to say "bad Ava" since starting school.  Today is Wed, 4th day of school and after much discussion with other previous mothers of this Teacher/Assistant said it's the Assistant. She uses Good and Bad just simply black and white and she had a problem with her last year that it needs to be addressed. I wrote an e-mail but my teacher friend said absolutely not. Teachers don't take e-mails well, the tone and what not. Schedule a conference. What would my cyber friends do?  I mean I could just go in and voice my concerns on what there dicipline plan is and how we can work together to make things easier for everyone? Help!

Comments
Post a Comment
184342 tn?1282588750
by tatorbug40, Aug 26, 2009
I would talk to her face to face-  I had problems with Taylors teacher (actually, it was the 3 year old class)....  and I tried discussing my concerns with the teacher-  I had no response, so I went to the director-  things didn't change for a while, but one time (valentines day- and Taylor's birthday), she had ALL the other kids give their valentines out, and when I got there, Taylors were still in her cubbie-  the teacher was gone for the day,  so the next morning the kids were in the middle of some activity, and I walked in, gave taylor her cards to pass out, and told her to go ahead and give them to her friends-  I was SO P I S S E D!!!!  I looked right at the teacher and told her that I don't know what her problem was, and if she had a problem with me or what, but to NEVER take her problems out on a 3 year old again!!!  She claimed she forgot to do Taylors,  but after my approaching her in a VERY blunt manor, the year was much better...  now-  I did try the, lets have a nice talk method first...  so I would do it in person...  tone can be recieved better in person!

121828 tn?1333464491
by kellym, Aug 26, 2009
But do you think it's too early to warrant a conference about it already? I don't want to be the whiney parent but I kind of wanted to come off as You help me I'll help you?  On one hand I feel it's too early for me to be running in there but on the other hand obviously not if they think she's bad already (which she is sometimes, ha ha). She told me today that if she does it again they will take the paint away, Geesh..... AND, she's in the 2 year old class because she's not 3 until Sept. 28th, cut off is the 1st....

Avatar universal
by kkweeks, Aug 26, 2009
No one has the right to tell a three  year old that she is "bad"; especially not someone in a position of authority. This cannot be allowed to continue because it will be very difficult to repair your child's self esteem if she really believes what she is being told. If the other children are beginning to repeat the words "bad Ava" then it will only get worse for your child.

184342 tn?1282588750
by tatorbug40, Aug 26, 2009
I would go talk to them now...  just let them know you are concerned about some things that your daughter is telling you and you wanted to understand them better-  I don't think there is anything wrong with this approach...  I don't think you'll come off as a whiney parent, and if you do, then there is something wrong with them that they don't want the parents involved in their children's lives-  DH is a teacher, and he wants parent involvement-  as long as it is positive...  this would be a positive thing-  just bring it up that you might be misunderstanding your 3 year old, and you just want it cleared up, and if she is calling her "bad", which I am sure she is-  why would your daughter lie about that- then just tell her that you'd appriciate if she could find another way to correct Ava...  that is how I would approach it!

121828 tn?1333464491
by kellym, Aug 26, 2009
Lily speaks a lot better than the rest of the class because of her age so I know she's telling the truth. Ava, shoot, she's so small and meek I can't even imagine that little girl being bad. Maybe that's why her mom's so mad, ha ha...Well, I'll e-mail her tonight to see if she has a couple of minutes before one of the upcoming classes. I'll let her know it's no rush but I would like to talk to her. Thanks tator!

208686 tn?1293030503
by pcarsey, Aug 26, 2009
For a minute I was like... who is Ava?... ahaha...lol Now I get it, the other mother's daughter.. not Lily.. lol Kellie- I would be livid! Why on earth would a 3 yr old say that if they weren't hearing it!! I mean, I know they have a great imagination, but for them to label someone as being bad, they most definitely had to hear it from someone else! I agree, I would definitely see her in person and have a discussion with her. You could also tell her how you deal with Lily being "bad" at home and see if maybe she could use that idea as well. But never should a teacher tell a 3 yr old they are being bad.

funny little story.. I have always taught my kids not to say freakin, fudge or **** (in public especially) because all words even when replacing "curse" words still have the same meaning along with emotion. Well.. this high and mighty teacher of his who doesn't even celebrate halloween because it is satan's day or whatever (nothing against christians) said she did not want to even take her students in the parade because that meant that she was "celebrating" against her will.. LOL whatever you are a teacher whose students DO celebrate it- get over it! So anyways.. They were lining up to go on the parade and she is like "Oh ****, I don't want to even freakin go!" which you and I know what she meant to say! Well my son POLITELY said to her " Mrs.*** My mom has always taught me to never use those kinds of words because it is like saying the bad words that you really are saying in your head, because they all have the same emotion. *yes I was proud of my boy!* Well she JERKS him in front of her students.. tell them all to be quiet and listen to what she is about to tell him.. and then tells him NOT to EVER tell her how to speak in front of her students, that she was the teacher and that using those words were not bad!.. He told me.... OMG I seriously wanted to rip her head OFFFFF! So, when she told me I asked her to walk to the principals office with me. Then when we got there I asked her to repeat it again. She did.. and well.. she got suspended for 3 days! =) How ridiculous of her to treat my son like that in front of the other students when HE did NOTHING wrong!!

If you let it go, it will only get worse.. and she will be picking up a lot more things that may not be good for her!

Good Luck!

208686 tn?1293030503
by pcarsey, Aug 26, 2009
that was supposed to be c.rap...lol

121828 tn?1333464491
by kellym, Aug 26, 2009
Oh Patty, that's great. My dad always said the same thing. He said Freakin was the same thing as Fing why didn't I just say the word, ha ha... The teacher is actually very pleasant. It's the ASSISTANT that is deemed to be the one with the BAD behavior.  I just can't get over the fact that I got such an unwelcoming, icky feeling of her from the beginning. I mean she's ugly as all get out, beady eyes and looks like she escaped from an asylum. Oh, I'm horrible, but that's my gut instinct of her to begin with.  I am going to e-mail her right now......I don't know why I'm such a scardy cat!!!

Avatar universal
by Me2mommy2b, Aug 26, 2009
Kellie, we have the same problem with our daycare.  Ariella started telling me things like "don't talk like that or I'll punish you".  Now I never say that so she must've picked it up at her daycare.  I speak to her provider as soon as I have any concern.  putting it off will not do any good and talking face to face is definitely better.  Good luck

134578 tn?1602101550
by AnnieBrooke, Aug 26, 2009
If I was convinced that a teacher was tossing around labels like "bad" at three year olds, I would pull my child from the school.  The school has sanctioned those statements by hiring the teacher and not disciplining her, so they need to feel the pain in their wallet if they will not listen to the complaints of parents.  NO CHILD DESERVES TO BELIEVE HE OR SHE IS "BAD" AT AGE 3.  If your tuition dollars go bye-bye because a person sanctioned by the school is using words like that, they might listen.

184342 tn?1282588750
by tatorbug40, Aug 27, 2009
KELLY!!!!!  HA HA HA!!!  you are too funny!  LOL!!!  

216278 tn?1308861082
by wanting4#1, Aug 27, 2009
I would approach the conference as an "I'm trying to understand your teaching philosophy" with an open-mind and open-ended questions.  That way, you are hearing her side of the story before making any accusations or assumptions from your child or the other parent.

Here's my personal example....when my Mom says "Good boy" to the child that I care for, I simply say to her (in a very nice tone) that I'd prefer not to use that phrase with the kids in my care because I don't want any positive or negative attachment to their gender and I don't want any generalizations being made about their behavior.  I ask her to be specific about her compliments...i.e, 'I like the way you picked up your books.', 'How nice to give a big hug like that', 'How sad I feel when you hit Joy', etc. (BTW, She gets annoyed and thinks I'm ridiculous, but I feel like I consistently send the same message and am always kind about it)

I guess that's the same way that I would talk to this teacher.  Focus on her comments of saying 'good girl, bad girl' as an entire concept instead of only on the 'bad girl' statement.  Explain that you would like your daughter to be able to attribute the phrase/word/compliment/whatever to a specific action and that when the teacher only says 'good girl, bad girl', it sends a very general and therefore confusing message to the child. I would ALWAYS say 'good girl, bad girl' together when talking to the teacher so that she understands that it's not about the specific language...it's about the philosophy. Saying 'good listening ears' when a child follows directions is much more productive and therefore enforcing of that good behavior because they know specifically what they did well.  Saying phrases like 'how sad' or 'that's not a choice' when they do something that isn't okay is the same concept.

BTW, I am have a BS in Early Childhood Development and have been a preschool teacher as well as a nanny for a number of years.

Hope this helps and good luck!

121828 tn?1333464491
by kellym, Aug 27, 2009
I appreciate all of the great advice.  I just want to make things clear though it's not the teacher, it's her assistant that seems to be the problem.  The teacher is a very gentle patient woman whom I get warm fuzzy's. The assistant is the brash, harsh escape from alcatraz looking lady, hee, hee. This is where I need to be careful because I'm not directing my concerns towards the teacher.  I'll let you all know what I hear. I sent the teacher an e-mail saying that I would like to meet with her for a few minutes before any upcoming class. Lily has said a few things to me that make me question her class behavior.  This way I can say, well her paper comes home saying she was a smiley but she is telling me she is told she is bad.

990751 tn?1249588559
by Gracies_Mommy, Aug 27, 2009
I teach first grade.  If my assistant were doing something such as that I would want to know right away.  You should definitely e-mail the teacher right away.  I would be shocked and horrified to know my assistant was correcting kids in that manner, they should both have the same discipline policy and stick to it.  Good Luck!

116879 tn?1266516249
by decogrl, Aug 29, 2009
As you may all know, I went through an extremely rough period with Ameera when she started preschool.  She had to go all day, 5 days a week.  I questioned everything they did and called everyday.  Initially Ameera's  acted up so much and she was so unhappy there I had to figure out what was going on.  It is my child and I am paying the daycare provider ALOT of money.  I discovered one of the younger providers there was telling kids she was going to put them away.  She is no longer at the school as a result.  Ameera is doing so much better now.  Don't feel like you are being a trouble maker.   It is totally unacceptable for a provider to tell your child he or she is bad.  You need to go directly to the director and if it is a good school they will address it.  You have a case against them esp since other kids are hearing this too.

Post a Comment