Aug 22, 2014
Thought i would start a journal on here, i don't know what has been wrong with me for so long now, basiclly pretty much for as long as i know i've felt constant ickyness, as a child i felt fine i think... all i remember feeling is happy and not horrible, i had friends, i ran about the streets, i played with my dolls and all was well, i did of course at some point suffer from chest infections when i was younger, once i had a chest infection so bad i almost suffocated i couldn't breath one time and my mum was so worried, i also had asthma for some years but it slowly started to go away the inhalers were working, i was also allergic to egg and i threw up at primary school one day when eating egg mayo sandwiches, ever since my mum never fed me that again, in general though i've always been under-developed, i used to also have minor pee infections and i peed the bed until i was 17, i also used to have a hard time having a number 2 lol it used to be painful but then as i got older i got over that too. Even when i was born i was born with the umbilical cord trapped around my neck... i was born oddly never mind anything else lol oh what am i like... it has been a struggle with me.
These days i get bad mood swings, sometimes a couple times a month, sometimes once a month, my mood is up and down constantly but what remains is a constant ickyness, fatigue, foggyness, low self-extreem/confidence, on bad days highly irritated, i just cannot sit still... i feel hugely depressed and angry on those days, sometimes i also feel dizzy, short of breath, what feels like anxity as i get a bit fuzzy on my nose but that could just be dizzyness, even right now as i type this i feel dizzy, for the time i have been awake during actual daylight it's been on and off, i feel weakness in my body too, i tried to lay back but because i feel so irritated i can't any more than 10 mins at a time, i then feel i start to sit up again, on these bad says i sit up, i lay down, sit up, lay down, stand up, sit down... it's a nightmware i'm so restless, my liips also get dry during these spouts of dizzyenss, short of breath but it rarely happens, only sometimes, i've had it for a long while now even while living in Scotland before i moved back to England, now my period has stopped since almost 4 months ago i'm so worried...
It doesn't help i'm inside a lot but even if i do go outside i still do not feel much better, a little bit maybe but even when i lost weight and went swimming i still had the odd bouts of dizzyness and short of breath, and i still felt icky, foggy and everything else i felt , some days not so bad, the mood swings are just the worst, i get a lot of facial hair on my chin, neck, top of the top, chest, lower and top of the back, on my belly, it could be a number of things PCOS, hormonal inbalance, defficency, allergy, who knows but i shall find out as i'm going to make a docs appointment, but i've no idea how long it will take me to actually get one because it's so hard to even get one at the small surgery near me now because they changed it, it's a fight to even get one which i do not need right now i need to get an appointment so i'm going to phone next monday at 9am when it opens and try to get an early apppintment as that's the only time i'm going to get one probably...
I have put a lot of weight on again but it didn't come on rapidly, just slowly over the past 3 years so everything is fine there i think... but i'm getting to be as big as i used to be, i used to be 19 stone and i don't want to be that again, i asked my mum to get me some multi-vitimins in case it is a defficenty as i looked up stuff about that too and they too just feel so icky every day so i will see how i feel after taking them for a week or 2, i just hope i can get to the bottom of this because i'm just so tired of feeling so horrible, i cry for no reason when i hit the lowest of my mood swings, i do completely stupid and reckless things during them too and i feel so so angry and right after i've no idea what just happened... the last one was a few weeks ago and that was the worst yet... and i'm feeling another possible mood swing coming on. I felt so good for 2 days and from there me mood and how i felt just dropped and dropped dramaticly, that's how it usually goes... or i i just feel meh... and then it drops even further, that's my usual mood just okay.