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Bitter, nasty, hateful mother

May 27, 2008 - 253 comments

My mother is nasty, bitter, hateful, argumentive, unsupportive and the meanest person I know.  She's always been this way, but it's getting worse as she gets older (now 68).  You cannot talk to her nicely or try to explain your point without her snapping at the person and starting an argument.  If you say to her "why are you arguing" she says, You are, not me.  It's always the other person, never her.  You are dammed if you talk to her, and dammed if you don't talk to her.  It's like walking on eggshells all the time.  You never know when the venom is coming.  She talks about people in a nasty manner.  She lies and when you call her on it, she denies it.  She starts trouble with me and my siblings.  My brother hasn't had anything to do with her in the last several years.  No one wants to be around her because she is so nasty.  She always has to put people down, and it seems she is extremely jealous of me.  Recently, she said in an extremely bitter tone, that she can't stand looking at me and my 2 siblings because we look like our grandmother and father.  (What do we need to get plastic surgery?)  She said she doesn't trust anyone, especially her own children.  She's called me a liar and crazy.  She is toxic and poisonous.  She hates her kids.  Obviously, she didn't want us.  She got pregnant with my brother at 17.  OK she made a mistake.....then why did she have me and my sister?  We didn't ask to be born.  I would have much rather been put up for adoption.  Maybe I would have had caring, loving adoptive parents.  I've gotten to the point where I do not want her poison in my life.  Throughout my life, I always knew "To be different, and not like her".  In spite of her, I am a good mother and good wife.  I love my children more than anything on this earth and would never think of treating them the way she's treated us.  I have the same, wonderful husband for 20 years and are happy.  We have a beautiful home, nice, new cars, and 2 beautiful, good kids. We worked hard for everything we have and never asked her or anyone else for anything.  She has deep psychological issues for sure, but will never go for help, since she says "it's everyone else, not her that has the problem".  She thinks there is nothing wrong with her.  In addition, she is extremely paranoid, thinking that everyone is scheming against her or talking about her.  (That's probably because that is what SHE does!)
I used to hold this inside and cry because no matter what I've gotten treated nasty.  I can be quiet and say not a word and I still get poison from her.  I finally realized it's because she can't stand looking at me since I favor my father and grandmother in looks.  It's just simply, that I exist.  Well I am finally stating in this entry what I felt for a long time.  I DESPISE HER!!!!!   She disgusts me.  How dare she talk about me and lie.  How dare she treat me nasty and disrespectfully, even in front of my kids.  I cannot stand her. I am an adult and deserve respect.  I am non-confrontational and that is probably why things affect me so stressfully.  I think back on so many instances throughout my life, things she's done to me, said to me, said about me, or how she's treated me, or has never been there for me.  I clearly believe she blames us for being born.  We remind her of her past with a violent, miserable husband and she has been taking it out on us throughout our lives.  There is no use for me to continue a relationship with her.  I will NEVER get the one thing I should have gotten -LOVE- Caring, Respect, support, etc.  All the things that I give my children.  However, I have gotten 1 thing from her,  the knowledge to make sure I am totally different.  I know how NOT to be.   I doubt if she will ever change at this point? 68 years old?  She'll continue to get worse.  I have to move on.  Pray.  I believe in prayer and have prayed since a little girl and feel this is just 1 prayer that will not be answered.  It's just not meant to be.  I FINALLY get it!  

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Avatar universal
by Brockyboy, May 27, 2008
Hi. Wow thats tuff. Im really sorry you have had such a life. Even harder to understand how she can be this way once you bring your own lil angels in the world. Im betting you feel a lil better after getting it of your chest. Now Im no proffessional but you do need to cut all ties with this lady. She gave birth to you but she has not earned mother title at all.  ( I thought my mum was bad!) This is eating you up and that sort of stress can cause cancer's and heart disease.  You need to meditate of sum sort or do sum relaxation techniques. Ill tell you what I do. I place a crystal rock on my chest (to draw the hurt and anger from my heart) and listen to some calming music or rainforest c.ds and I lay on the bed for as long as I can but you only need to do it for 4 minutes per day. This will actually help calm you on the inside and replace that anger and hurt with more love and happiness. TRUE!! Im also wondering if your mum suffers from bipolar cause she has all the symptoms of this mental disease. If I was you I would not see a councellor as all you will be doing is going over everything and reliving it and you need to get past it and move forward for good.  Have no guilt for cutting her free and only let her back in your life once she has been through the right chanells ( proffessional people) and is on medication and that she is looking to make amends with you and not the latter. Thank god you put a stop to this behavour and know your kids and there kids etc can have the life they deserve thanks to you!!! Well done!! Im proud!!

Avatar universal
by Brockyboy, May 27, 2008
HI again. Thankyou for your comment.  I always knew my kids deserve to be happy but after reading it  from some one else I relize Im not doing enough to make them happy (shame on  me). So thankyou again. As far as I can see know body loves my kids as much as me so Im gonna have to do a lot more!! To both of us, STAY STRONG!!

Avatar universal
by ms7mtn, May 28, 2008
Hi there -

Wow, reading your history reminds me of mine!  I, too, have a really nasty mother, and have never been able to understand why she is the way she is.  In my case, her distaste of me is because I'm the only girl; she talks highly of her "precious boys".  It also appears to be jealousy, and she has made my life miserable because of it.  After a nasty set of lies and deception by her over the Memorial Day weekend, I came to same conclusion you have.  It's time to walk away, and NOT FEEL GUILTY!  If you've tried your very best to be a loving daughter, the least she can do is try to act like a loving mother instead of a viper.  I truly believe they are putting their own unhappiness on you simply because you keep coming back.  If you have your kids and your husband's support, lean on them, love them, and move forward.  Your mother isn't your charge anymore -- she will be miserable with or without you, so don't let her drag you down!  Just knowing there are others suffering like you helps you feel less lonely.  Smile, move forward, and give your kids and hubby a BIG hug.  Treat yourselves to a nice dinner, with NO conversation about the evil Mom.  Then concentrate on one day at a time, being just you, not the unwanted daughter.  And pray.... God loves you ... you will find the strength to get through this.

Avatar universal
by britannia1912, Jul 30, 2008
Wow.... I thought I was the only 1 too... bitter nasty back biting mother... I'm an only child... doesn't matter.....
she got sick.. i gave up everything to take care of her... doesnt matter.... she's worse then ever...
always making my dad and I feel like ****...she's 72... I told her to go to hell today.. couldn't take it no more....
she basically told me I was doing this to myself and NONE OF IT is or ever was her fault.... nasty piece of work...
wow... it's disgusting.
Anyone care to get back to


Avatar universal
by Con0330, Aug 15, 2008
It looks like everyone's first comment is "Wow". Well that's what I say. I was amazed to read through these stories and find that I'm not the only one. Its like you all are a "fly on the wall" and know everything I'm going through. I'm also my mother's only child but I have two step-brothers from her second marriage that I grew up with and we're still very close. So my mom has gone through two bad marriages and a relationship where she got her and guess who her punching bag is.....ME! She claims to be a Christian and spends all of her time either at work, or at church. But she's the first to call someone a B_ _ _ H if they don't do something she wants them to do. Its her way or no way. She'll go as far as calling children bad names. She's the most miserable, nasty, bitter person I know. My first husband was a horrible person. Can't even call him a man. He was physically and emotionally abusive. One thing he did was not tolerate my mom's nastiness towards him and disrespected her by calling her out of her name plenty of times to her face. But she's had a problem with everyone I've been with. She's been the cause of a couple of break-ups but its my fault, I allowed it. I was always trying to please her.

I found a wonderful man and realized that God answers prayer. He treats me like a queen and is so good to my children. We bought a new house, went on a family vacation this year and one together, just the two of us. What else could a mother-in-law ask for. But NO. She refuses to call our home because she says my family is "corney, all he does is cater to you". And that's a problem? What woman wouldn't want that? So she calls me on my cell phone to avoid talking to him if he answers the house phone. She's highly upset if I don't answer my cell phone. I say, "call the house then". She refuses, so she must really not want to talk to me. I've always allowed my mom to control me and my two children. Everything I did, I did after I consulted with her. My husband is good to me, but won't allow my mom to control what our family does and he shouldn't. That's the only reason I can see why she hates him. He's from the south so she makes fun of how he talks which makes me so angry. I feel I should be a better wife and stick up for my husband, even if she's my mother. I want to move away but I can't until my husband retires. I think its also time for me to break my ties with her. I just don't know how. I've also prayed a lot about it but I wonder if God really hears this one particular prayer.

Avatar universal
by MsSam, Sep 14, 2008
Here's what I am learning about the families we are born into:  Many times the only things we share are genes, nothing more.  I'm not being cynical or hateful, but observing a truth that many people seem to share.   I'm a single, christian middle-aged woman, who has had no choice but to release the toxic relatives I've had in my life, otherwise they would sink me along with them.  The key is no matter how vicious they are to you, do not direct hate towards them.  Now that doesn't mean that they have the right to infringe on your life or continue to spew negativity, it just means that a person should just step back, be able to look at the truth for what it is, and take care of themselves.

I only have two sisters and one of them is a hateful, nasty woman who has decided to attempt to inflict as much adversity into my life as possible, probably because she's always had more than I did and can't for the life of her figure out how I've been able to survive through numerous hardships in my life with relative peace and faith.  She lies about me and tries to turn people against me.  Now I'm not saying that I'm above anger or truly disliking her, I'm not ... but I tend to pity her too.  Many times people are so angry because they either hate themselves or cannot deal with deep, emotional issues.  My sister and I haven't spoken to each other in a few years, and truthfully, its more peaceful.   When ever she tries to insert some sort of anguish in my life through proxy, I just remind myself to take a deep breath and turn it over to God.  That's not to say that I'm not angry or feeling vengeful, I do.   But in the end, I don't want that poison in my veins or in my life.  Try as hard as you can, make a conscious effort, to turn it over and bless the situation.

Don't allow toxic people to destroy the precious days you have on this earth.  Wish them well and send peace in their direction, but guard your life strongly.  You deserve to live it with love and happiness.

Avatar universal
by puckface, Feb 24, 2009
All of your messages here have been helpful - thank you all so much.  My mother and older sister are excactly as you have all experienced - hateful, bitter, toxic and destructive people.  When I finally stood up for myself - THEY alienated ME.  Their last (and I really do hope last) great abusive action.  I am still devastated by their hatred - horrified by their alienation - but also RELIEVED.  I constantly remind myself to count my blessings, and not having their toxic presence  in my life anymore is indeed a blessing.  A friend of mine sent me a card after we all finally became estranged that read "house burnt down, now I can see the moon."  I am thankful for my wonderful husband and two year old grandchild.  There is a lot for all of us to be grateful for.  Life can be good indeed..

Avatar universal
by tilljusticeisdone, Jun 02, 2009
I would encourage you all, wonderful people who wonder why their mothers don't love them, especially if those mothers had a wonderful life and were cherished by their husbands, to research the term "malignant narcissist." After you become acquainted with this pathology, you will be able to understand your mothers well as run for your lives! Good luck to  you all. It took me almost 50 years, a life-threatening aneurysm and the death of my father to realize that my biological "mommy dearest "could not care less if I were dead or alive. And though she and my brother -another malignant narcissist- care only about their  material (and numerous) posessions and are currently trying to rob me of my father's inheritance  -and will most likely succeed- I have the most wonderful and loving husband and a childhood friend whose mother has volunteered to adopt me. Throughout my life, I have also found that helping people in need has allowed me not only to connect with others but with myself.  

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by peggy64, Jun 02, 2009
It sounds like she has been hurt very badly in the past, and bitterness has grown in her heart. Bitterness is very  nasty and painful, and it causes people to act just like your reports of your mother.

Do you know anything about her past? How did your dad treat her?

This is no excuse, but could explain things.

This is why, as hard as it can be, we are to forgive. We think we are making THEM pay by being angry and bitter, but in the end it is the person that can not forgive who bears the burden.

Avatar universal
by tilljusticeisdone, Jun 02, 2009
I'm not sure if  peggy64's comment is addressed to me but if so,thanks for your good wishes. However, after years of therapy, I've come to realize that the best way to forgive my mother is to give her to God. With malignant narcissists, being angry or bitter is not even an issue because they lack the ability to care about anyone's feelings. So while I agree with you about forgiving them for one's own sake, I cannot condone their behavior.
As for my father, he was my mother's enabler -a wonderful man who died after watching his wife ignore his only daughter's life-and-death struggle without being allowed to even phone her. Lucky for me, I was told of his brief illness shortly before he died and thanks to my childhood friend who offered me a place to stay, was able to spend some time with him during the last nine days of his life (despite having traveled thousands of miles, my mother would allow my husband and I to visit between 5 and 7 pm under her constant supervision).
To make a long story short, 25 years ago I left my friends and my country because every time my mother had a fight with my father she would blame it on me. And while at first it was hard and difficult for me to adapt to a new culture away from family and  friends, as my adoptive mother told me during my last trip home, I "was able to carve a nice life" for myself, and every day I thank God for bringing me to this country, where I not only met my wonderful soul mate but was able to find myself.

Avatar universal
by goolarra, Jun 03, 2009
I'm afraid I can totally identify, too.  Could your mother have Alzheimer's?  My mother did, and it made her worse and worse and worse.  As you said, she was always nasty, but the Alzheimer's exacerbated it, especially in the initial stages.  Once the disease got really bad, she was easier to deal with.  I'm and only child and daughter...she never even acknowledged my husband...treated me like I was sixteen until the day she died.  I knew what not to be, too.  My husband and I have 26 years and children...that mother-daughter relationship was much too much for me to inflict it on anyone else.

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by tilljusticeisdone, Jun 05, 2009
Dear Goolarra. I feel for you. Unfortunately, I cannot blame my mother's current nastyness on Alzheimer's. Just count your blessings, having been married for 26 years is in itself a great accomplishment! My best wishes to you.

Avatar universal
by Jonothan, Jun 22, 2009
I want to thank all of you for sharing so honestly. This is very therapeutic to read actually. My mother, who is actually ver sweet to me, has always been toxic for my wife and other sister-in-laws. It is like she just can't seem to come to grips with loving anyone else outside of her coveted circle. I, too, have turned her over to God- because I can't change her heart- only He can if it is His will.

However hard my wife or anyone on her target list loves her back it doesn't seem to work. We have tried avoidance and this also seems to make it tougher. The saddest thing to see is the grandchildren growing older and understanding that some people are treated differently. This causes much grief and stress for all involved. I can't place all the blame on my mother- she has an accomplise- my sister.

It is my belief that my sister has poisoned my mother's mind by continually condemning and criticizes all those she is jealous of- my wife included. I've tried to talk to my sister but that hasn't worked. We just simply don't do anything as a family together because of it and this is what my sister wants. She hopes to inherit my parents home- more power to her. I wonder if she will be the one caring for my elderly parents when that time comes? My guess is no- but I've been wrong before.

Once again, the saddest thing is seeing how my sister's children are affected by all of the hateful spirit that surely surrounds them on a daily basis. Kids hear things enough and suddenly they are also poisoned. We can only pray that God will intervene some how in their lives and prick their hearts and perhaps change them. Until then- we will love and forgive- but it is terribly hard to ever FORGET!

Avatar universal
by Nauraghi, Aug 21, 2009
Wow -- there are others who suffer from nasty, bitter moms. I have never known a day of relief - even through childhood. She's 83 now and still spewing her venom. I continue to pray that she will have some peace here on earth before she passes. There are no words - no books - no support groups. It's the hidden pain. I, too, have made it my life to give my kids the best of love, kindness and thoughtful words. I don't even hate her anymore. I pity her and her sad, bitter life. I pray for her and give her up to God.

Avatar universal
by enoughforonelife, Aug 26, 2009
My heart aches for you.  I hate to admit it, but I don’t think there’s any hope for this type of mother.  My story is below.

My mother is now 77 and has finally driven me out of her life. As I am 55, I have been around for a good part of her life and have witnessed her narcissism over and over again. She rewrites history on a daily basis, always blaming others for her transgressions. Lies on a daily basis. Treats my father, who is 80 with a serious heart condition, like he has some great debt to pay her. Screams at him at the top of her voice on a weekly basis - over nothing.   She has never worked outside the home; spent money like it was growing on trees placing them in tremendous debt a number of years ago. She has no friends - drove them all away with her constant complaining, or not agreeing with her that her life was hell.  Blames me for her having to get married because she became pregnant with me - remember I am 55 - so this is getting a little old.  

In 2007 my dad had another heart valve replaced and I took 3 months off work (at my own expense) to care for him because she can not be trusted.  It is always her first.  She would not even visit him in the hospital (he was in for 7 weeks) unless it included me taking her out for dinner.  If someone asks her how my father is doing - she turns the conversation around to how it is affecting her - it's always about her.  When dad's defibulator goes off, she calls me instead of 911 as she is suppose to, I am a CPA not an EMT. She has been told over and over not to do this, but has done it as recently as of June 18 of this year.  And what story does she tell about it - again how it affected her not my dad.  And she does not even go to the emergency room with us.

She recently (June 2009) had total knee replacement surgery.  I stayed with my dad while she was in the hospital and rehabilitation center for 3 weeks, then continued staying for another 5 weeks while she recuperated.  Helping with her physical therapy, cleaning, cooking, laundry, bathing her, and bringing them both to Dr. appointments. While she was in the hospital I cleaned her house from top to bottom as she had been unable to maintain it properly prior to her surgery.  BIG MISTAKE.  I was totally reamed out for a missing Tupperware lid and a bottle of white shoe polish.  She acted like I threw out her diamonds.  And, mind you, I have a husband and my own home to maintain.

Three years ago my dad wanted a puppy.  It was a father’s day present. She went with to pick one out - ended up with two dogs because she liked one and he liked another. She treats my dad's dog like **** and her's like a princess.  Birthday dinners, no matter whose birthday it is, has to be at the restaurant she wants to go to or she won't go.

A few years ago my husband and I were able to purchase the house of our dreams (kids are grown and gone) - she totally freaked. She would not come with us to see it as it was being built until it was about 90% complete.  When she did see it she became very quiet.  When we returned to her home she totally blew up.  Actually packed her bags and was going to leave my father (which in retrospect would have been a blessing) if she could not have a totally remodeled kitchen in her own home.  Of course she got her own way - she will not give up until she does.

And did I mention I also supplement their income on monthly basis, my retirement is going out the window financing hers. She is always telling me she is broke.  As I was cleaning her house I found hundred's if not thousand's of dollars of "age defying" beauty products, 5 closets of clothes, at least 30% still had the tags on them.  My dad is a coin collector - he has to ask permission to purchase them.  While she was in the hospital 2 to 3 times a week packages were delivered to her.  I did not open them; she did when she came home.  More clothes, more beauty products more of everything she does not need.

I have a sister, we are close.  She is a lot smarter then I am. She only deals with my mother when she absolutely has to. Mom never complains about my sister - that is all saved specially for me.  Actually the only reason I have any contact with my mother is to save my father from her.   He is the kind of father anyone would be happy to have.  Which also drives her nuts because both my sister and I are closer to him then to her.  He treats us with love, kindness and respect - 3 emotions she wants for herself but has no intention of showering on anyone else.

She complains Dad watches to many sports programs on TV.  She watches soap operas all day long.  She calls them her “stories”; I call them her training classes on how to take evil to a new level.

Above all the lies are the worst to deal with.  You can not believe anything she says.  I have actually taped our phone conversations to prove how much she lies. She lies to everyone about everything.  It is amazing.  Accuse her of anything and she goes into instant martyr mode.  She has the role down pat.

My mother is selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed, self everything.  She does not have dementia or Alzheimer’s, she is just plain mean.  I am tired of being blamed for choices she did not make, for other directions she did not go. She resents the educations my sister and I have (note – she did not pay for them).  We both have been out of her home for over 35 years, if she wanted a different life, she should have sought it out – no one stood in her way.

Its funny how she complains about how badly her mother treated her.  Both my sister and I remember that our grandmother was afraid to death of our mother.

It was my birthday on Saturday.  Dad got me a card, she would not sign it.

She is a tyrant.  I will keep taking care of my dad, but I am done with her.

Avatar universal
by nixbinx, Sep 01, 2009
And I thort I was the only one...
My mother has always given to my brother supported and done everything for him, I have always been the black sheep and have been called names and run down my whole life, ignored at family get to gethers and pushed down whenever i open my mouth... but NOT ANYMORE !!! from today I have cut all ties after being called Pathetic and she wants no contact for 6 months
I laugh out loud and say NO MOTHER !!!! this is forever....carry on with your 5 liters of wine a day
I have a wonderfull husband and two gorgeous kids....

And will never treat my kids the way that she has treated me!!!!!!!!!!

Avatar universal
by wtstf, Sep 12, 2009
Has anyone out there been successful in cutting all ties with their hate-filled manipulative mother? At age 50 I still haven't, and it isn't because of love or family ties because both those things are non-existent for me. She is in poor health now and seems to think I'm going to "help" her decide what she should do. I don't care what she does but she won't quit trying to rope me into her drama.

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by onlylonely, Sep 20, 2009
I am an only child who has a mean spirited, hateful mother who is now old & sick.  What a combination!  I too can do nothing right & have no idea why she ever gave birth to me.  These postings have at least made me feel that I am not alone but I am still frustrated & upset all the time.  She had a heart attack a year ago & therefore I have had a year of total & complete living hell.  She should not be living alone in her condition & at her age (89) so my daughter tried to get her to move in with her.  No way!!  She broke her arm in April when I took her on vacation to NC so my daughter said, bring her by my house & she can at least rehab there.  My daughter lives in IN so I drove back from NC to IN & my mother had a fit.  Oh & by the way, we did not tell my mother what we were doing because my daughter knew how she would treat me.  Now she is acting very weird.  Not sure if she is confused, has dementia or alzsheimers or is having trouble seeing but when I question her, she just gets more hateful if that can be possible.  I know you are not supposed to hate but I hate this woman's guts.  It will be a burden lifted when she is gone & I feel just terrible writing these words but it is the truth.

Avatar universal
by wtstf, Sep 20, 2009
You are definately not alone, onlylonely. After a lifetime of being a target for her emotional unbalance, I too will feel nothing but relief when she's gone. It just makes me sick to be around her. I stayed frustrated and upset all the time just like you, never could understand why I let her get to me. Things became a little easier for me when I realized that the only thing truly bothering me now was what other people would think if they knew how I felt toward her. People who have normal loving mothers really can't understand what it's like. Now I know that I don't have to explain or justify my feelings, and as time goes on I worry less and less about being judged for them. Abusive mothers count on our feelings of shame and guilt to keep us quiet about their behavior and also to keep us on the hook to "take care of them" when their miserable lives are coming to a close.

Avatar universal
by jojoga, Oct 02, 2009
I can relate to many of the things said here.I am 47 and my Mother 74. I am also an only child and my Mother widowed.
For many years I put up with her nasty, hurtful comments, or explosions of anger.It would upset me greatly for days. I used to think what did I do to cause this? And try to fix it. About 15 years ago we went to counseling for a year and she finally said she didn't see that there was a problem. I realized she wouldn't change I would have to . It got better for a short time after my son was born (her only grandchild). Now  in recent years it's gotten worse and I have discovered it has nothing to do with me, as her outbursts of anger seem to come from nowhere. My contact with her has become less and less as I've decided why should I subhect myself to this (as well as my young son and husband) I'd like to cut her out of my life (sounds sad, but true) but not sure I can, so I minimize the visits and contact. What else can I do? Thanks for reading this.

Avatar universal
by thewidowschild, Oct 02, 2009
I can relate to a lot of what you wrote.  You are wise to know that she will will not change.  You were right you will not be like her, not as a mother not as a person.

Avatar universal
by jojoga, Oct 03, 2009
Thank you widowschild! I just have to keep strong with the holidays coming and know I don't have to spend the time with her if I don't want to. (She wants us to travel to see her for Thanksgiving) I'm so sick and tired of all her anger and nastyness (latest outburst was this past Monday!) I can't imagine spending time with her, never mind driving a couple hours to go visit her at her house! I always feel so sad and pulled with the hoildays coming. (She takes the joy out of the holidays and out of life for me!)
My husband's family lives close by and they want us to come to them (which would be fine.) and my Mother always wants us to come to her, or she comes to us now separate from them because In the past I've gotten my Mother and my in husband's family together on holidays. They are wonderful people and it's fine on their end, but my Mother always blows up at me after we leave them...she's very jelous of them!  So I don't include her with them. I am considering not spending Thanksgiving with her, I can't think about Christmas yet, but I'd love not to,spend any of it with her.Generally I am much happier and more relaxed when I don't speak to her to see her. I just have to get over the last visit's always leaves it's lasting mark and it takes time for it to fade for me to feel better, as you can tell I'm not quite there yet.
Thanks for reading and sharing it helps to know others going through similar situatuions and how they feel and deal with it.

Avatar universal
by mommiealtigator, Nov 13, 2009
It may help everyone here to know how wonderfully therapeutic these stories are to read.  That sounds selfish, I suppose, but for months I have been wavering between hatred (for her) and depression (for not having one parent out of three that I have pleasant memories of), and it does help to know that this is a fairly common issue and that I was not singled out by the heavens or by fate to bear this for any divine purpose.  Nothing is new in my story - my mother has always been tremendously egocentric and I was the giver, the understander, while she continued her emotional indulgences and erratic temperament and forgot that I was her child and not her keeper.  Now that she is old and sick I am expected to manage her shambled affairs, take care of all of her needs while she and my siblings treat me with contempt and offer no help whatsoever.  About those siblings - their lives are not in the best order, but my mother is a glutton for the sob story, which they know exactly how to deliver so that she will fork over her savings to them while I do all the work and ask for nothing.  I have finally put her in an assisted living facility where she is treated very well and encouraged to live as productively as possible - now I am called lazy and extravagant for spending Mom's money on such luxury and not taking care of her overwhelming physical needs myself. (I did it for about a year while she underwent chemotherapy - it almost finished me and my husband and two kids, who also invested a lot of energy toward her well-being).  She does/says nothing to defend me - it is at these times when she acts conveniently like she doesn't have the strength to go on.  I find myself wishing these days that were actually true.  Here I am in my late 50s sometimes feeling like the rebellious teenager, but slowly coming to terms with the notion that hating her is far less destructive than internalizing the anger - after all, my own adult children deserve a mother who doesn't spend all her time brooding and whining the way their grandmother did.
Thanks so much to all of you for validating my feelings, and I hope we can all focus on what is left in our lives that give us pleasure - husbands, sons and daughters, pets, even neighbors who are kind - they deserve our happiness, and above all, so do we.

Avatar universal
by Eloquent1, Dec 04, 2009
I, too, thought I was the only who felt slight contempt against the woman who brought me into this world.  My mother will give you the shirt off her back, but she can not, will not face her problems without: putting up a wall and not dealing with it; turning it around on me like it's all my fault; lie about the whole thing,denying it never happened-like you're the crazy one. My mother had a son before she met my father and had me.  She left her first child to be taken care of by her parents, whom she says that they begged her to leave him with them.  I'm beginning to think that's a lie because as we all know narcissists always blame other people for the mishapps in their lives.  I am the first born girl child from the union between her and my father. I have another younger sister, and the youngest sibling is a boy, whom she adores but he treats her with such disrepect. Yet, she constantly tells me that I am the nasty, direspectful one.  I know now that it's not me with the problem.  It was brought to our attention that my youngest sibling suffers with bi-polar.  I can see where he get's it from and sometimes I wonder if I am somewhat affected by it to some extent.  And when  I try to confront her like an adult with open, honest (sometimes painful) communication about me or other family issues, she instantly puts up a wall, or call me crazy or stupid for mentioning it.  I can remember from a very young age my mother trying to tell how, what and when I should emotions.  I am now 35 years old and I even now when I am being honest about what I am feeling, if it doesn't suit her or sync with what she feels she totally rejects it, and me, to a point.  I'm being to think my mother is dealing with alzhiemer's  disease as well.  I accidently found this website and I thank you all for sharing, letting me know that I'm not alone, and what I need to do in order to heal myself and stop the abuse.  May Gob bless u all.

Avatar universal
by DaughterDearest, Dec 09, 2009
My mother - oh, my mother. She played martyr to every man in her life, from her father and brothers to husband and sons, now grandson. I have the misfortune to be one of her two daughters, and one who DARED offend her sensibilities with some of the mistakes I made in life. (Resolved years ago to everyone's satisfaction but hers, and she continuously uses a nasty tone of voice to throw it in my face once more.)
All our lives, our mom told us how good a woman SHE is, compared to other people one must presume. I was a child who accepted that everything mom did was right and that she was perfect. She taught me to think that. As an adult, I have been the object of her scorn and filthy criticism - in spite of doing everything I can do help her any time I thought she needed help. She does not appreciate anything. Now that she is old - 85 - she is even more venomous. Since she raised her son to be such a worthless piece of crap, she now expects - demands in fact - me to take care of him too. I'm sick of it and sick of feeling responsible for her. I am 55 years old and have spent my life all messed up by this mother of miine. Now, the scariest thing is that my sister increasingly behaves the same way toward me as our mom, in spite of all the conversations we've had, commiserating about the toxic traits of our mother. She hurts my feelings often, has never acknowledged any hateful or hurtful thing she's said to me, and like our mother, would never apologise to me, or to anyone.
I feel sorry for all of us who suffer the vitrol from our mothers (and sisters). I know it is easy to recognize and to say that we need to cut our connections to them - but it isn't easy to do and I know that I never will. I am trying to learn not to let myself feel hurt by them. Hard to do too.
Good luck to the rest of you. I hope we all find a place of peace in this life!
May God help us tolerate what we have to and may God touch those women in some way that they will change their hateful ways!

Avatar universal
by backdrop, Feb 08, 2010
My mother is 82, I still have scars from beatings i rec'd from her as a child. I feel that she has hated me all of my life (i'm 52) I have bent over backwards just to make her aleast  respect me. She talks about all her kids. If she is angry at one of my brothers or my sister, she will talk bad about  that sibling to who ever will listen, she's not loyal to anyone. She's home bound so 1 of her 2 friends she do have will bring her a meal ever so often, she smile so sweetly;saying "thank you", as soon as the friend leaves she talk about the food she brought, sometime she gives  it to the dogs. I feel so sorry for the person bringing the meal! When she want me to do something for her, boy, she turn on the charm, and me wanting to have that closeness  with her, II fall for it everytime! I rec'd Christ back into my life 5 years ago, but before then I hated her and I didn't go around her alot because of her meaness. So when I became a christian, I wanted to do as the Bible says" To Honor your Mother" I felt guilty if I didn't do for her, I felt God was disappointed in me if I didn't do right by her.  A couple of day agoshe asked me to cook a dinner for one of my brothers, I always end up doing all the cooking (eventho, I have another sister) anway, i spent 2 days preparing the food and making sure I had everything right.So the night of the dinner she asked me to wash her clothes!! I told her I would pick them up the next day. The next day when I arrived to get her clothes, she looked me in my eyes and told me that she "watched me take her Lids that goes to stainless steel pots out of her house and she wants me to bring them back!! I could not believe my ears! I told her I had no use for her Lids! And why would I take them? This is after I have worked tireless on the dinner-running all over town to get the best deals on the food from the menu (menu she made up) She had that hateful look on her face, too.  I felt like a stupid fool (Oh by the way, she has tried to make me look foolish all my life, to the point where i am so self-conscious about speaking!!) Anyway I asked her when did she last see the lids, she said "'they were in the dish stand." I went in her kitchen and looked under the counter and there were the lids! I held up the lids and asked her "are these the ones you're  looking for? I wish you could've seen the look on her face!. I put the Lids back in the dish stand, turned off the light in the kitchen and left. I don't want nothing else to do with her!  I am done! She treats my sister like she's Gold, And she don't do anything for her if she can get out of it and I've dealt with that,too. She didn't even have the decency to call me and apologize.

Avatar universal
by ladyjane13, Feb 23, 2010
Really insightful reading this,I was abused as a child & didnt tell anybody untill I was 40...My husband had been reading a book on coping & understanding the issues this brings & suggested I reccomend it to my mother! WE were on a shopping trip & i thought it was a goodtime to suggest this to her....her response was this..........Well,It couldnt have been very arduous for you as it might be for other people! As you werent there that often! I walked away...not believing my ears! She then followed me to my car,saying..........whats wrong with you,why talk to a stranger ( my concillor) and not hate me she shouted in a busy parking lot.....following me right to my car & saying her two friends endured ten years of abuse & they dont need therapy,or rake it up! ....she said she didnt understand why I didnt tell her as a child....I was 6!
This is one of many nasty,unkind & spiteful acts over the years,yet its also the last! after I heard those awful words I finally FINALLY realised that pleasing my mother was no longer 'job' or a necessity as she simply would never love me as I wanted & longed for her to...shes a totally ****** up person! So longer the 'game' its over,im no longer playing & I truthfully feel released from her very ugly world...Im not totally cutting off contact but im ready to step wayyyy.........back..........the ugly truth is to much to behold! my therapist is a saint,shes really helped me to move forward & gives me a fraction of the maternal love I have NEVER recieved,all this aside Im learning to like who am & be proud of the woman ive become,thanks also to my loving husband...Wishing you all inner strength & self love! Its a wonder we made it all eh! .....Im 42...& letting my little light shine!  

Avatar universal
by SuzyQ146, Mar 04, 2010
I am happy someone is still posting to this.  I have said I wish I were adopted out to a family that would have loved me too.  My mother is 85 and for the last 30 years or more she has ignored me and my family.  She has concentrated on a bum  paying for his teeth an education, cigarettes, food, driving him where ever he needs to go (he doesn't have a license) and she only calls me  to ask for money or come for a free meal on Easter or Thanksgiving.  When I was a child I was always left alone to fend for myself while she was working, bowling, golfing, out on dates.  I was raped by an older boy from school that came to my house and knocked on the door while I was baking a cake and I let him in by mistake I was naive and a virgin and never told anyone because it was my fault I opened the door..  She never paid for braces or an education for me and I never remember her even fixing me a meal I lived on fast food or the food offered by friends mothers.  The last straw for me is that she is giving items of value to my ex-husband who hurt me terribly in a nasty divorce.  It is a slap in the face so now I have to cut her loose for good and save what is left of my heart.

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by JDVehorn, Mar 06, 2010
same here sweety, i cut beastwoman completely out of our lives 12 yrs ago when she stated abusing my 6 yr old son who has mild cerebral palsy.( and he made the mistake of looking just like me no less),  enough is enough. sad to say i cant wait until she dies & i hope its drawn out, long & painful! LoL!!  Best of luck to you.

Avatar universal
by SuzyQ146, Mar 08, 2010
I love your pic   "The Scream" isn't that just how you feel dealing with a hateful mother.  After I told her don't call me again and don't ask me for another dime I heard she is scrambling for sympathy from others who are not giving her any.   She also doesn't want to be cremated she wants to go into a mausoleum next to an old boyfriend but has not put one dollar away to make that happen as usual she expects my brother and I to pony up and pay for that too and we are not.  The bum that has been getting a free ride for 30 years needs to pay.

Avatar universal
by eurolease, Mar 09, 2010
you seem like you're doing well considering the circumstances. it's not your fault. be well. she either has paranoid schizophrenia or borderline personality disorder... and both are devastating. they never take any blame for anything!

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by lewiejay, Mar 17, 2010

my mother from an early age to us had a jekyll and and personality
she never gave us any much  confidence through out our lives
she is a very jealous  bitter person who thrives in others misery.
i have spent years hoping that she will be nice and caring and when
i see a glimpse of that which is not very often,she changes back to her
usual self,it is soul destroying just wanting a mother who acts normal and cares
but soon as i speak to her again after a fall out a few weeks down the line she is phoning
my new number which i foolishly gave her yet again due to her manipulation and getting me
to feel sorry for her,then she starts her nastiness,the put downs and talking about everyone
behind their backs,everyone is at fault never her.
when i was a kid i told her i wanted to pass my driving test when i was older and she  told me
i was just living in a dream world,even to this day although ive not passed my test i stil feel nervous when
im out driving with my partner,but one day i  hope to pass my test.
i love to write and have 15 poems published,but even when i told my mother of my accheivements
she boasted i got it from her as she was great at writing from school,i dont think anything ive said to her
has made her come back to me and say well done,its sad

she used always say i was  b****** and how she should have left me with my father
my dad left when i was 6 weeks old,ive never known him all my mum did was put him down
too,he now stays in the same area us my partner and our boys i have never met him but to know
that he is there and i have a mother,who i feel i will never have a proper relationship with,she is now 67
and everything bad in her life is blamed on everyone else,she lies to suit her self continuously
my partner works full time and we have just sold our flat and will be moving soon,all she has been doing
is phoning me venting her anger about eveyone and if you tell her your busy she falls out with you and hangs up
i cut of my phone so she cannot get in touch now,im a grown adult and feel like ive been treated like a kid
ive been in tears many a time and been to a councillor,this time ive had enough its starting to make me feel
ill,my partners very supportive and we have two beautiful children who we bring up with confidence,we are always
telling them we love them and i tell our kids even though their young now,they will pass their driving test first time
i would like to think im a good mother,ive been told i am but theres a part of me that wishes i could have had a mother
who was normal,like being kind,supportive and understanding,not making her child feel that she was nothing

Avatar universal
by puppypower29, Apr 03, 2010
I almost forgot I was reading other people's stories and not my own but it is amazing how pieces of everyone's story put together is my very own.  I have been dealing with an angry, bitter, jealous, unloving mother for the past 29 years of my life.  I just came to the conclusion today that my mother will never change. She has a lot of bitterness in her past that has made her the woman that she is today.   And she takes all her anger and bitterness out on me.  It has always been my wish to be best friends with her and to be able to share everything with her like I do with my dad.  Unfortunately, my mother and I have never seen eye to eye with anything.  Every conversation that we attempt becomes a heated arguement and me storming out the door.  Basically if I have an opinion about anything, I am considered disprespectful and rude.  All my life, my mom has discouraged me from doing everything, everything that I dream of doing she puts down instantly.  She has no confidence in me at all and because I have proved her wrong, she seems to hate me even more now.  Usually mothers want their kids to grow up and be better than them. My mother is not like that at all. I always feel like the more things that I accomplish in my life, the more she distances herself from me like the plague.  After I graduated from college, I got an awesome job in medical sales. After getting hired, she told me that this job would be a dead end job and that I would not make it. Its been 7 years and Im doing fabulous.  I purchased my 1st home at 24 and my mom told me that Im stupid for doing that since I wouldnt be able to afford the payments by myself. I lived there for 5 years all on my own with no roomates, so I proved her wrong.  She told me that because I was too independent that I would never get married because no man wants a woman like me.  I have been married for the past 2 years and Im very happy and he loves me to pieces.  She also told me that I would have a hard time getting pregnant because I am too active and travel too much.  4 months after I got married, I was pregnant and recently had a very healthy baby boy.  As I move forward in my life, my mother keeps stomping me down and always telling me that I won't make it. In the end, I always prove her wrong. And sadly, she is never happy for me. When I was pregnant, she never once called me to see how I was doing. She never asked about the baby inside me. Not one word.  I don't know why she treats me like ****. I am so obedient and respectful of her.  The more she pushes me away, the more I want to come back and try to fix this broken relationship.  I have never done anything to hurt her, heck I have 4 brothers!!! I have always wished for a sister and I look at my mother hoping that she can be that best friend.  But sadly, she has no love for me. One thing is for sure, I will never treat my children the way she has treated me.  Life is too short to live in such unhappiness.  The only reason I keep trying is because she is my mother!!! but as we get older, it seems like things are only getting worse.  She has very deep emotional issues. Apparently she does not get along with her own mother and 6 of her siblings.  She always thinks that she is right about everything and everyone else is wrong. Its always about her, her and her....  Anyway, I have my own family now and I have to take care of my own family.  She is an extreme ENERGY VAMPIRE.  I pray that God heals her so that she can move on and stop being such a bitter person. Maybe thats impossible as I read some of the posts above and some moms are like 60+ and have not changed... It was quite sad to see that many others have mothers that are so full of drama but now I know that I am not alone.  

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by lewiejay, Apr 05, 2010
puppypower29,i was saddened to read your post and i feel for you
my own mother is exactly the same,bitter jealous and nasty
sadly i don't think they will ever change,just remember you have done
fantastic for yourself and have a loving husband and a family of your own who you love
Ive tried still to this day to try and make a relationship with my mother,it lasts for two minutes
then its back to square one again,its emotionally draining as you yourself must know,but at least
we try,i always thought i was a bad person all my life and felt guilty for not speaking to my mum for months
on end,but no more i always say now if she has past issues she has to get over them and move on and make a life
for herself instead of trying to make everyone else's miserable,you only get one shot of life so live it for yourself,partner and family that do love,care and appreciate you.
take care for now

Avatar universal
by JayneWo, May 05, 2010
what a relief to read these stories. hopefully it may be the beginning of some healing for myself and other readers. I have been tortured my whole life by my mother, all the while wondering what was wrong with me. she is frightening; angry & hate filled at the drop of a hat [for instance, about the hairstyle or ugliness or skin color of a newsperson on the TV], hates everyone and tells lies. she is one twisted soul. I now know that if I must spend time with her there is no point in trying to make her understand ANYTHING and hopefully when she is critical I can tell myself she is a sick person and let it go at that. Good luck to us all. and we deserve all the love we can find in this world - we have paid our dues big time.

Avatar universal
by melabbo, May 05, 2010
Man, I read your post and my mouth fell open. I realized I have the SAME kind of mother, the only thing different is I am the ONLY child of hers that she is mean, nasty and disrespectful to. I am now 35 and have learned to just go about my life and take care of my family.  If my mother chooses not to respect me or have a relationship with me then that is on her. I never felt close to my mother.  I was the only girl out of 3 that she would hit, scream at and curse at growing up.  I am also the oldest.  I was a good kid, as we all were, never had any issues with drugs, boys or pregnancy...did pretty well in school. Nothing I did though was never good enough.  My friends were wrong, my boyfriend was wrong...everything.
I also learned later in life as an adult that if my mother needed me for something, then I was a "good daughter", but when the money ran out...or I got tired of being used, then I was cast away as if I wasn't even related to her.  Take for instance, two younger sister, one is 32 the other 17, got into it over something on Facebook, and now due to that, no one is talking to I'm the one that started or said something. It is this ignorance here that I am not trying to put my own children in the middle of.  I prefer her to stay away if she has a negative, jealous attitude. She ignores me when I call, doesn't return my I stopped calling. I, too, have never asked her for anything...except once, to borrow money for a week to keep my family from being put on the street.  Her response was no, and that my husband should have 2 jobs instead of one.  We ended up losing our apartment and I was out in the snow with a 6-week old child. These are just few of many bad memories I have of my mother in my lifetime.  It's hard for  me to even think of sending her a Mother's Day card, since I think of mother's day as a day that would celebrate your mother for being there in your life, celebrating you, supporting you (emotionally) and so on.  Someone that lifts you up, not always tries to tear you down. This is not my mom at all.  My 33-year-old sister is just as bad.  She can keep her *** in Maryland as far as I'm concerned.  It is sad how your own family can be more hateful to you than a stranger can.

Avatar universal
by nancy9645, May 09, 2010
It is Mother's Day and I am depressed.  I ended up letting my family go 20 years ago - I am 64 now.  My father was a *********, along with my brother, and my mother chose to protect them rather than believe me.  I went through hell dealing with the memories of what my father did to me.  My mother won't speak to me for embarrassing the family by telling the truth.  But I am now going through another hell - the memories of what my mother did to me as a child.  I had buried those memories for so long and they are just starting to surface.  I have no good memories of my mother except that she was a stage mother and she put me on stage, leading to a my life of being in the entertainment business.  But my mother smacked my face on stage when I was 5.  I wanted to die.  She never wanted to hear me cry so I learned to keep everything buried.  I still have to go to my support person to be able to get to the tears.  I feel them at 64 and know they are about my mom (and dad) and not having a family but it is still hard for me to let go of the tears.  I have been shut down for so long.  My mom told me the whole time I was growing up that she was perfect.  In reality, she was cold, mean, controlling, abusive, hateful, jealous and refused to take any responsibility for it and now has Alzheimer's and is locked away.  I never got the opportunity to confront her and tell her what a ***** she was and that she wasn't perfect.  The hardest part is realizing that I have some of her characteristics - I can be mean but I do go back and apologize for it.  I have ongoing anxiety and panic attacks because she terrified me as a child.  I'm doing a little better but there is so much I missed out on because she controlled me to protect all the secrets of the family.  I ended up in a psych ward and had to tell the truth.  That's when she stopped having anything to do with me.  I am lonely alot of the time but have an excellent support person and just keep on "movin."  I am so sick of all the commericals telling us to love our mothers and do something special for them.  They deny all of us in this post our own feelings of resentment and hatred for what was done to us.  Thanks to whomever started this post.  As long as you stay connected to your hateful mother, you will never find freedom to be yourself.  The control they have is exhausting and deadly.  I have been away from my mother for 20 years and still am struggling with the hate, fear, panic, and anxiety she created in my childhood.   My memories are starting to come more often which I hope will free me.

Avatar universal
by Smilerdeb, May 09, 2010
My heart goes out to you as I cut my so-called family loose many years ago due to them 'blackbanning ' me for putting my brother in law in jail for molesting my daughter who was 13 at the time.
My family wiped me clean and I craved for my Fathers love which I never got ....until 3 months before he died.
He then told me he knew he was wrong, he knew the rest of the family was wrong but you know what???

I would do it all again.
I dont regret protecting my child, I dont regret hating my family........
But I know my Father regretted all the years that he 'closed his eyes' as to what was going on.
My daughter (the victim) told me a few weeks ago that my Dad would cry because he couldnt 'fix it.

Be kind to yourself and know that no matter how hard things are...theres no law in this world that says you have to LIKE your family.
Beleive me, I have been where you are and I feel your pain and your heartache but if you dont 'move on'....this will affect your own children.
At least your children will know that you loved them very much ....which is more than can be said for your own Mother.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER...... you see the flaws in her and think you have the same.
YOU DONT...your postings have proved this.

If its any consolation, I wouldve loved to have a Mother like you xxxxx

Avatar universal
by simplysaved, May 12, 2010
Wow, is all I can say.  It's so comforting to know that other people have mothers like mine and has been very theraputic to read everyone's stories.

My mum ....where do I start.  I have given up trying to make her happy, I've made a real success of my life considering the upbringing I had.  My parents split when I was 13 (I'm now 35) and my mother went to pieces.  Locked herself in rooms with pills, broke windows in our house, beat me so bad that she had to go to the emergency room for an xray on her wrist and made me go with her to keep her company, tried to commit suicide in the next room while I was looking after her 6 other kids (I'm the eldest of 7), she even left me with a broken wrist for 2 days before she would take me to the hospital, there's so much more, but I've moved on so I wont go into it.  I basically had to grow up very quickly and be more or less responsible for the care of all those children.  She constantly used to threaten to call social services and have us all "put into care", her words exactly.  

The s**t she has put on me and my siblings for years can only be described as child abuse.  When I announced I was pregnant with my first child, she told me that "I would be a terrible mother", "you don't have the maternal gene", she used to say.  It hurt, but I knew that I would be a better mother than she had ever been.  Whenever I started a new job, she would tell me that that kind of work didn't suit me, "You're not good enough", this coming from a woman who never worked outside the home in her life.

She hated my ex-husband, infact she hates all her son & daughter in laws (apart that is from the newest one, but they are still in their honeymoon period, so give it time!).

I'm not and have never been a confrontational person, I hate it and would rather just say nothing than start an argument.  But last October, I went to see her after she tried to start bad mouthing someone to me on Facebook!  I just thought to myself, enough is enough.  The person she was being nasty about was my 13 year old niece, calling her fat etc.  It was pathetic and I wasn't going to listen to her so I just made an excuse and logged off.

I live in a different country to her and since I moved she has been even worse towards me.  But for me, being away from her and given me the chance to really look at the situation from a different perspective.  I went back for a visit last October after the Facebook episode and I went to see her, bearing in mind I hadn't seen her for about 7 months, the first thing she did was start talking about that 13 year old kid again, so I just said, "I'm not interested in listening to this and anyway what kind of person  talks about a CHILD that way?"

I got up to leave the house and she started yelling and screaming at me, something about, I only want to listen when it suits me....blah....blah....blah. The next thing I know she had literally jumped up off the chair she was in and lunged herself at me, I got a full blown punch into the side of my face!  I was shocked, then I seen her fist coming again so I put my hand up to defend myself and she starts yelling at me "don't you f**king dare raise your hand to me", then proceeded to punch me again!

  I could not believe what was happening.  She has managed to convince everyone and I mean everyone that she is disabled, but I can tell you something, there was no disability there when she attacked me.  I left and have not looked back since.  My whole family has turned on me, which is really awful but I'll get over it.  The problem now is they just all seem intent on destroying (for want of a better word)  me, and for no reason, hell I live in a different country for God's sake.

I have heard this morning that she is going around telling anyone who will listen that I'm a liar and evil and should not be trusted.  Bloody hell, all I want to do is live my life without all the drama.  I haven't responded and wont because at the end of the day....I don't do bitter, I do BETTER.  

I found this post by accident, and have never written about this before, but it's felt O so good to get it out and also to know that its not just my mother who is like this.

Thanks for listening :-)


Avatar universal
by hippigirl001, May 12, 2010
I left my "mother" 20 years ago, too. She chose her abusive p**ck of a husband and their 2 kids over me, her firstborn. I certainly hope he was worth it. BTW, they are not together anymore. Serves the stupid b**ch right for choosing the wrong one. I think it's funny. My entire childhood, she bent over backwards to love & protect him (from consequences of severe child abuse), but never once tried to love & protect me. After every beating, which were usually for something trivial, not cleaning plate at dinner, coloring on wall, etc. (I was 5) I would get the whole "keep your mouth shut about what goes on in this house" speech from her. I knew if I got her precious hubby in trouble, she would hate me even more. That is why I kept my mouth shut. The 2 ugly, stupid kids she had with him NEVER got the belt, and they acted WAY worse than I ever did. Yeah, that was fair. Now they are total spoiled losers who still live with her. Ha ha ha. I hope they all rot in Hell.

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by StuAtlanta, Jun 03, 2010
Okay - so the GOOD news is that youre OUT of the house, YOU now own YOUR betterment and YOU Have a GREAT map to work with.... play opposite life - help YOURSELF, help others (dont let people USE you just help them) and define YOUR space by being better.... the great news is that YOU win...... YOU tell all the GOOD thyings that you do and it'll only fuel self analysis. She will truly hate that youre 1, happy, and 2, she cant control YOU and 3, you REALLY dont care what she thinks... Dont despise them, dont even hate them.... put them on ignore and you win.

MOM or whoever applies - you dont own my life and I choose to be better... say that to YOUR mirror every day - NOW, go do it..... The best revenge is living well.

1248826 tn?1270460657
by lewiejay, Jun 09, 2010
simplysaved- like my own mother yours sounds a very jealous bitter person
a person who likes to feel good by demeaning others and spreading terrible lies
theres an old saying 'a liar is worse than a thief'and they get found out eventually
which i believe that will happen with your is so easy to lie,but it will trip you up soon enough,thats what happened to my mum and her vile lies,if people are sad enough to believe the lies,thats their problem
im a great beleiver in what go's around,will come around,you sound a good person and i totally understand what you are going through.

like yourself i used to get punched lumps out of when i was younger,until in my late teens
i still took the abuse,when i settled down with my now then partner a few years later she came around to my flat drunk
and insulted my partners mother,i swiftly gave her a hard slap across the face and told her to leave
the first time in my life i ever lifted my hand to her,but you know im not a violent person but i believe she deserved it
for also all the years of abuse she has put me through.i never spoke to her for years,when she appeared and my new flat,drunk and abusive again,we both asked her to leave
and my partner showed her to the door,she stumbled out drunk and fell on the door step,the next day she told anyone
who would listen that i had shoved her on to the floor and called her names,which was both untrue
she was the one calling the names,i was a nervous wreck when she left and had to aploigise to the neighbours
due to the commotion,its been the same up and down for years but now i feel that im getting control of the situation now
she still gets me down,but when she starts her crap again,i will cut of all ties yet again i feel if ive been a battering ram through the years with her,but also feel im getting a bit stronger,it is sad that everyone has to put up with horrible mothers,they should be here to love and care,sadly it does not happen,but as long as we all have others who love and care for us thats the main

Avatar universal
by dove0908, Jun 13, 2010
I am 48... and mymother has been mean, hateful and non-feeling for the better part of my years starting for me at a young age. matter of fact from the first of memory... I have continued to try to please her, She has continued to let me know how much I need her and how much better she has been at everything in life but mainly she is a better person with better values... I let her interfere with ym relationships terribly. I have been married 3 times... she always had a way of making me feel that they were non-trusting.... I always looked for things of dietrust and with her help found things... then she would say how I could not stay in amarriage... turning it all on me. when i was a small child she beat me for no reason and talked to me terrible. She also talked to my dad awlful. he put up with it and isnow 77 and life is gone for him,..  She blackmails me with saying she will call people and tell them things when I even there isn't anything to tell.. she just wants me to do things or tell her things getting mad when I don't.... I am finding myself praying for releif..... from her...this site has made me realize I am not alone.  I thought I was..... It has been so important to me to know why????? Why has it been this way? why didn't my father take up for me? why couldnt she just love me ? I wish everyoneon this site well for the rest of their lives....

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by ezbridgelady, Jul 01, 2010
Reading all of these stories has been so therapeutic and amazing.  There is so much hurt in everyone's comments brought on by the one person (mother) who was supposed to protect us in this world and instead has caused so much pain.  I'm in my 60s and my mother is 91.  She has dementia and is living in a state subsidized assisted living facility because no one wants her to live with them because she is so nasty.  My brother has tried to cater to her selfish needs all of his life and so she loves him but I didn't cater to her and so she doesn't like me at all.  We have barely tolerated each other for years but I have attempted to get along and keep peace - hoping for a decent relationship eventually.  Fahgedaboudit.  I can see by the way she dislikes my grandchildren how cold, critical and difficult she is and was with me.  I can't remember her ever saying anything nice to me....just critical remarks.  Why?  Because she needed to make herself feel good by putting me down.  

My brother had been spending too much money on her for years in order to keep her living in luxury.  I was sending money too because she couldn't afford to live the expensive lifestyle she was living.  When she got dementia, he moved her into a fancy independent living facility which costs more than twice as much as what she already couldn't afford.  She liked that but he was going broke keeping her happy.  He took over paying for her Long Term Care insurance which is a waste of money since she doesn't have any assets to insure and I refused to pay half so she was really angry about that.  Eventually, all of her money was gone and he had to move her into a state run facility.  (It's really a dump and she shares the room with someone she hates.)  Finally, she stopped talking to me.  What a huge relief.  I'm sad that I didn't have a warm fuzzy relationship with my mother but she's just not nice.  If you want people to be nice to need to be nice to them.  If my brother is now facing financial hardships due to the economy and his foolish decisions to spend too much on our mother.....well, that's his problem.  She will just take and take and take until she drains everyone financially, emotionally and mentally if they will let her.  

Life is too short to have toxic people poisoning our days.  I have people in my life who appreciate me and I spend time with them.  

1248826 tn?1270460657
by lewiejay, Jul 07, 2010
i thought i could handle my mothers nastiness,she has just proved to me yet agein that she will never ever change
i feel annoyed and angry for putting myself and family through all of it yet again.
i have been speaking to her for the last few months and even gave her a number she could call me on,her niceness lasted for about two weeks and she started to do what she is best at nasty and manipulative.
she phoned me everyday telling me how much she hated my stepdad and how unhappy her life is while talking about other family members behind their back,i got sick of it and told her so and how she had to make something of her own life,but it just went in one ear and out the other,everytime i heard the phone ring my stomach would churn.
it all came to a head last week when i asked if she could give me a loan of a photo album she had with photos of all our family years ago,she said no because photos went missing when my neice and her boyfriend were down visiting,i dont believe for one minute they would have taken anything,i only wanted to take scan them to put on facebook for my cousins in america to see,she eventually let me have them and asked if i wanted a picture of me and an ex boyfriend,i told her no and said 'why would i want a picture of my ex', i got our son to take the album back to her later on that evening while his dad waited around the corner for him in the car.
our son came back to the car,with the picture of me and my ex even though i told her earlier that i did not want it
i feel she did it for badness,because she and my stepdad dont get on and she is jealous of the 16 year relationship i have with my partner.
i phoned her when they came home and asked why she did it,i told her i had ripped the photo up as i would like to leave the past in the past and she had no right giving a 12 year old a photo that i had stated i did not want.
instead of admitting she was wrong in what she done,she said that i was nasty and a disgrace for ripping up a photo which had once been mine in the first place.
she hung up the phone on me and i just turned it of,i went in to my messages days later to hear her barrage of abuse and lies saying now that she had never gave the photo to our son,making him out a liar and how it must have been mixed up with the the other photos she had borrowed me and also said that when she asked if i wanted the photo in the photo in the first place that i had said i did not mind,she then told othe rmembers of my family this.
i was shaking with anger with her vile lies she has spouted to suit herself,i was in tears last night because of her and at the end of my tether,i dont want to speak to her ever again,she has never been nice to me i my life it was bad enough not knowing my father nevermind having a spiteful nasty mother.
my partner told me to just forgot her but it is hard as she lives nearby,i want to be strong but it is hard has anyone any advice that could help a bit,ive read all the letters on this site and i know people are in the same situation,and i feel for al of you.

Avatar universal
by mssophie22, Jul 10, 2010
Wow again. I know that everyone else has said wow but I had as well. It really is a strange feeling to see that other people have had to go through these types of mother issues. I am so glad that I found this because it makes me really believe what I have stated to my other siblings. That I am not the one to blame for not being liked or loved by my mother. She is the one with the problem.

My mother has mental illnesses that do have an effect on her but the truth is that that is mostly an excuse for her behavior. Her "problems" just magnify the evil person that she really is. She is now 75 and I have decided to say my goodbyes now. I am done trying to make her love me. I asked myself this question, "If she finally starts acting like she loves and cares about you, what then? Will we join a quilting bee together or go on vacations? Will we do lunch and get pedicures?" It was when I answered that question that I realized the truth. "NO." I don't like her. I think she is disgusting. She is hateful and even if she crys and says she loves me and is sorry - I still wouldn't want to spend time with her. We have nothing in common and her communication skills suck and when she talks to people outside the family she babbles like an idiot.

I find her embarrassing. She is also a slob and acts weird. You see, sometimes we accept things about people we love because we love them. I can no longer accept these things because I realized that the only love I have for this person that emotionally and mentally abused me for years is a society based obligation love. I don't really love her because I feel love for her. I am told to love her because society says I am supposed to.

I am writing this in hopes that others like me will get my message. If my mother died any time soon I would mot have any regrets. I know that I have done everything I could to try to make her love me and treat me with love. I did not fail. My mother failed me. I made sacrifices and have been put through hell for her. I have had to face the fact that it is not in my power to make her be a good mother. She just is not. She is not even a good person. If she weren't my mother I would have stopped talking to her years ago.

Everyone else out there please hear this. Stop trying to make these women become good mothers. They have to choose it. If I still was engaging in a relationship with my mother it would only be getting more painful and would only end very badly when she finally does die. I have stopped my relationship with my mother before I can have any regrets. I can honestly say that the last thing I said to my mother was good. She responded badly, but that is on her not me. She is the one who will die with regrets. Of course, I think she will out live me though because only the good die young. I do believe that the reason she is still alive today is because of all the spit and vinegar she is filled with and the hate she has for her girls.

I wish that society would teach us more about how we should love one another and teach one another and stop telling us about obligations. I hate sayings like, "you can't choose your family." Yes you can. When you are young you can't. When you get older you can. You don't have to be in a hurtful relationship with anyone. If there is someone at your job that you don't click with do you ask them to join you for drinks later. No, you are polite and distant but they don't become your friends. You can choose who is in your life. Treat others with love and caring and respect. If they love and care and respect you - they will also show that to you. These are the people who you keep in your life.

Don't leave your relationships with your mothers feeling like you wish you had had a better mother or a better relationship. Just leave them and say, "I had a mother, she sucked. I had a relationship with my mother, it sucked too. That was her fault and there is nothing I can do about it. I know that I am not her and that I am not like her and my relationship with my kids is different."  

Thank you all for posting these comments. I sometimes still question myself and my decisions because it is not what society tells us we should do. I now know that I have done the right things. I feel stronger. I have no regrets and I can say that I feel for my mother because she is the one who will have to answer for all of her wrong doings.

One thing I find interesting. Is anyone on this site a son? I don't believe that I read any posts from any men. I did see a few comments on how the boys were treated differently. I had the same thing. In fact, my mother actually used the words that she hated girls. All of us girls. That only boys were good. She treated my brother differently. She still does. My brother still hasn't opened his eyes to the fact that even though he was not abused, all of us girls were. He still believes her lies. The biggest laugh I got was recently however. She needs to live with someone and no one wants her. She is having a fit. Three of us girls are in Georgia with my mother, one is in Florida and one is in Arizona . My brother is also in Arizona. He is having a fit about where mom is going to live and she has asked him several times to come and get her and let her come live with him. He said he was going to come and get her and take her back to Arizona. He then called my sister in Arizona and asked her if he does this can he bring mom to come live at her house. She said no. Told him to take her to his house. He has yet to come get her.

Avatar universal
by ElleBless, Jul 24, 2010
Oh my goodness!!!!  It's almost sounds like I share a mother with all of you.  My mother is hateful, self-centered, delusional, fake, annoying, has no common sense at times, controlling, and manipulative.  I don't know what kind of deep seeded evil drives this woman to be who she is but I'm exhausted.  One person can only try to treat her like she is normal over and over again for so long until you've just had enough.  She is incapable of loving the way other mothers unconditionally love their kids.  I've always known that there seemed to be a void with her since I was a young girl but now that I'm an adult I see her for what she is.  
Now after reading this tell me if I'm crazy or not for thinking she is nuts.  This is a woman who would provoke her kids to anger and call and leave pointless messages on the voice mail; screaming at the top of her lungs like she has no freakin since.  After my step father died, that's when our relationship seemed to change for the better. Grant it, yes that was a hard transition to recover from his loss but she began to rely on me.  I enabled her and she began to become even more controlling with me.  She was always the kind of person to complain and fuss about something which I thought would slow down but instead it increased.  It was to the point I thought she was obsessed with complaining about one lady in particular.  She read into things and spend hours talking about the same thing.  If I expressed to her that I didn't want to hear that she would act like she was offended.  She goes to church all of the time and would always talk about people at the church that looked at her wrong or said something that she misconstrued as being negative towards her.  It was getting annoying.  I would try to change the subject and she would go right back to it.
Anyway to make a long story short, I mistakenly enabled her and she felt that when I got married my husbands roll was to support her as well.  She wants me to tell her everything about our marriage and I flat out refused because she is nosy.  I explained to her that there are certain things that my husband and I will discuss and that's that.  She absolutely doesn't know where the line is to respect a marriage but she has crossed it.  She and my sister has gone to other members of the family lying about my husband taking me away from the family and the church that she goes to.   She wants to be revered as some saintly woman of God because she might cook a meal for someone or something but if you do something for someone you shouldn't even want to talk about as if you're sticking a feather in your cap, you do it because it's from the heart. She's going around trying to tear my husband down because he's not making the money that she wants him to make right now.  She and my sister totally don't accept my husband and tell lies about him to god knows who.  I was pregnant with my second child and she flat out refused to check on me and after my delivery she didn't come by to check on me.  Making dumb comments like I don't feel safe over there. WHAT!!!!  I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. She and my sister went so far as to have discussion with a guy who I dated in the past about my current husband.  Can you believe it?  This kind of damage is irreversible. Who does this to their daughter?  Because my husband was laid off he is a deadbeat and he is living in my house.  No this is our house.   I would have thought a woman who experienced marriage with a man who drank and tried to keep everything private and away from the family would understand that.  My marriage doesn't deserve the same respect.  She hasn't once offered to try to rectify the problem.  I stress and agonize over this.  I never thought that this would be the outcome of my relationship with my mother.  She thinks she is better than everyone because she goes to church everyday, judging people as if she sits on the thrown with God or something.  When I or even my sister at times would tell her how she is acting toward us she can never admit her wrong because in her eyes she is never wrong.  Her rebuttal is always asking the question as if she is clueless or something "why would I want to hurt my daughter?" when she knows she did.  All I need to hear from her is the acknowledgment that she did and apologize for what she did, but she has too much pride to admit wrong.  
She calls herself trying to pray my marriage apart.  Again, can you believe that?  Isn't that called witchcraft?  She's crazy and has no understanding of the love of God that a Christian is supposed to walk in.  She is hateful and I only hope she one day she is able to see how black her heart is before it's too late.  

Avatar universal
by AzileNC, Jul 26, 2010
Wait for it... Wait for it... WOW!! I have never met another person in my life who has even contemplated cutting their own mother out of their life, let alone anyone who has actually done it. I thought I was somehow alone in this.. My mother is the same as all those listed here. Nasty, bitter, lying, hateful and evil. She thinks she's special.. Gifted.. Smarter than everyone else.. Better than everyone else.. In fact, she contributes absolutely nothing to society. She doesn't work and usually just lives off men. She lost all eight of her kids back in the 80's and was charged with abuse and neglect. Though she knew where we all were - and three of us were only about 15 minutes from where she lived - she never contacted any of us. I would imagine she was thrilled to finally be rid of us so that her life could be all about her. She's extremely self-centered.

As a child and not understanding why she never contacted us, I always convinced myself that she was somehow unable to do so.. That she desperately wanted to see us, but something had to be preventing her from doing so. I envisioned her hit on the head and wandering around with amnesia.. Or maybe so devastated at our loss that she was on heroin and living in a cardboard box in an alley.. I couldn't allow myself to believe that she could turn her back on all of us like that or that she truly didn't care about us AT ALL.. It was just too painful to accept and I held out "hope" for over twenty years that she was somewhere missing us and unable to contact us for some incredible reason that would make sense to me one day. No such luck..

I found her a few years ago and we started talking only through email. She never asked to visit me or asked me to visit her. She didn't ask about my brothers or sister. She said she thought of nothing but us every day of her life and missed us, yet she had no decent explanation for why she never bothered to see any of us in so many years. Why didn't she call? She didn't know our number. Why didn't she call directory assistance? She didn't know how. Why didn't she drive to where we were? She didn't have a good enough car. Why didn't she send a card or letter? She didn't think we'd get it. I was so floored.. She progressed over a few weeks from saying how much she loved us and had missed us for all those years to calling me names and blaming me for her losing her kids to the courts. She'd become agitated and argue with me over anything. She'd call me stupid over decisions I made. She threw everything I told her back in my face and criticized me over it when she'd become angry. She'd cut off all communication and even change her email when she was throwing a tantrum. She flatly refused to contact other members of my family, but spoke endlessly about how she'd like to stir up trouble for her brother - who she believes got an inheritance that should have been hers. She showed little interest in my brothers, sister or grand kids and even said she didn't want to see pictures of them because they were strangers to her. She had no desire to get to know any of them. I suggested planning a Christmas party and inviting all the family so that she could see everyone and get to know them again, but she said she wouldn't step foot in my state. When I told her I was sending her a package for Mother's Day, she told me she'd return it and for me not to bother. She did return all the Christmas gifts I sent her, unopened. She said the card was hateful and mean spirited. In fact, it was a humorous card by Hallmark. Not even remotely nasty.. She also sent the only picture of me she had - my baby picture - back to me. I guess she didn't want any reminders of me in her life.

Through the years that we "talked" online, it became apparent that she was always going to be the victim no matter what the situation was. She had a deep need for constant sympathy and would turn instantly crazy if she thought you were pointing a finger at her for any reason. She could not take responsibility for anything.. She would turn things around and say it was YOU that were to blame - regardless of what it was or if it was even possible. She would often take a kind word or gesture from me as a personal attack. She was paranoid, illogical and defied all sense of reason.

I'm convinced my mother is mentally ill and always was. Looking back, I can see many clues of it from my childhood and certainly it's clear to me now. What bothers me most is that she's all over the internet in various forums talking about how her own mother was cold and detached and how it's destroyed her entire life.. (Her mother was the sweetest, funniest, kindest person that was ever in my life, by the way.) And if it destroyed HER life to have a cold and distant mother, what does she think abandoning her eight kids did to all of us? She's a million miles past cold, detached or distant. She's vicious. Her posts makes me furious. She sometimes writes in these forums about how she was put on this earth to help people and guide them.. She proclaims to be a psychic. She has one post where she's looking for some mysterious, long lost family member and says this person is the only family she has.. Huh? Hello? Eight kids? Six grand kids? Ring a bell? And then there was the suicide of my little brother and how she blamed me for not being there for him... We'll call that the last straw.

I wish I had never found her. I could sit here imagining that my mother is a charming person who loves me but somehow can't find her way to me. I could have beautiful images in my head of what kind of person she is.. Instead, I know the truth. My mother is a mentally deranged, self-centered beast who cares only about hurting people, lying, stirring up trouble and conning and scamming people. I'm just sorry that she's tricking people out of their hard earned money by convincing them that she's some kind of spiritualist. In fact, there isn't a spiritual bone in her body and she lies as easily as she breathes. She's just too lazy to work and support herself and chooses this path. She's out of my life and I hope I never see her or hear from her again. She caused so much harm to me, my brothers, sister, grandfather and uncle and, mentally diseased or not, I have no sympathy for her.

Avatar universal
by hlissak, Jul 26, 2010
I found this site tonight...just when I need it most. My mother is 85 years old. She has been controlling and dominating all of my life. My brother who is getting a Ph.D. very loved beyond belief. She can't say enough good about him. She loves my daughter and son but she absolutely hates me and I feel that she always has. Let me say this, she has had four strokes but she is in pretty good health even with the strokes. I can't say that they have affected her personality that much because she has always been a nasty controlling *****. Today, for no reason at all, she called me on my cell phone which she never does unless she wants something. The call today was to ***** me out because she thinks I followed her to her church yesterday. I literally went ballistic with all of the insults that she started hurling at me through the phone. I, like some others, who have posted above over the years made the decision today to cut this mommy dearest loose. She is the last thing that I need on the face of this earth.

Avatar universal
by EaglesWings, Jul 26, 2010
Hi AzileNC,

A lot of the things you say about your mother I have suffered. My mother has stolen huge chunks of my life and wonderful opportunities from me with her 'ugliness'. She destroyed my self esteem and made me believe I am unworthy.

She claims to be a Christian who "helps" many people in her church, yes... and she thinks she is special in a divine way also. She was even in the church choir, and her friends tell me she is a very very good person. She prays... she worships etc...

Yet she is evil, dark, nasty and deadly destructive.... I do not know how this is possible to do both.
.... I do not understand.

After reading what everyone here has shared, I am amazed how many of the stories match up so perfectly with mine.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences....

Avatar universal
by Marsh10, Aug 02, 2010
I read a few post here and wonder what's up with these women, anytime I approach my mother with a problem with my own children she'll cut them down, she once told me while she was drinking that she doesn't know them therefore doesn't love them, I said "Wow, I love my grandchildren as if they were my very own children"  I could tell she was a little embarrassed after I said that. I know for a fact she is jealous I turned out to be a better wife and mother than her, you would think she would be proud that I didn't make the same mistakes she did.  I kind of feel like she has been competing with me since I was fourteen, I'm now 48 and she is 70.  She is so insecure and lies to people about herself, she drinks but tell's people she doesn't and hasn't in 20 years, she tells soo many lies to people I can't keep up.  She put me in a boarding school and would never pick me up after school was over, the authorities had to hunt her down.  I've run into people who don't like my mother and now I understand why.

Avatar universal
by ldr2010, Aug 02, 2010
mine has disinvited me to family memberships for years.  I am the oldest of 3 sisters, spent my childhood as mother's assistant, am a masters student in psychology, raised 3 children working the entire way, and still have yet lived up to her high school education, no work outside the home, and processing me like a soap opera wench.  At 52, have given up ever knowing her or the rest of the family.    

Avatar universal
by bookjunkie, Aug 07, 2010
I've been readings these posts (my husband found them).  Today I recieved a letter from my mother letting me know with scriptures no less that she only has one daughter that calls and cares about her.  She says that she deserves better.  My life with Mother has not been easy.  I can't speak with her without her yelling at me abut something.  

Needless to say that there was abuse of various types in the family.   I recently found out that the women in my mother's family knew about the abuse but kept their mouths shut and did not attempt to protect the girls in the family from the abusers.  I now feel justified in keeping my children away from my family as much as I did.  I have an aunt who is very physically debiitated now.  My opinion is that this is God's judgment on her.  She has a son who is a child molester and has been since his early years (he also fits the profile for early activities of a serial killer, ie killing and torturing animals).  Needlesss to say she completely ignored the initiative that children should be protected and not be subjected to abuse.  She shut her eyes to everything that he has done.  It's always poor, pitiul me.  Mother says that my aunt cannot be held responsible for what her son does.  I disagree.  If she, as she has been, is aware of his activities, she has a duty to society to protect the children.  

Growing up my mother's people thought my sisters and I were no good.  They looked down on us because they hated my father.  (And yes, the child molester was better than we were.)  Once when Mother was in the hospital we four girls were split up and sent to stay with two different aunts.  The aunt I stayed with let it be known in no uncertain words and actions that my Aunt Olive's children (the one with the child molester son) were worth more that my sisters and I.  We were never given a reason, only that by viture of their birth they were better than we were.  Mother always let her evangelical family run over us and mistreat us.  As long as she was the center of attention, she was fine.  As I grew, I tried to stay away from home as much as possible.  She once told me I was possessed by a demon.  I think that I've been very reasonable in my attitude toward my mother.  It's not her fault we grew up so poor.  It is her fault that she took up with abusive men and drunks.  I once had to push my sister out of the way when mother's husband went to hit her.  I was all of 18 at the time (I think I weighed 100 pounds) and told this drunk that if he wanted to hit someone, come hit me.  My sister came to live with me after that.  

My mother has always been manipulative.  When she had brain surgery about 10 years ago, she gave my youngest sister power of attorney.  After a conversation with mother, I recieved a call that I would not be allowed to see or speak to my mother again.  Mother says that she was not responsible for what my sister did in this situation.  Mother has friends my age where she lives now.  It's my suspicion that the life insurance and everything else is going to them when she dies.  My mother has done a lot.  She allowed three of her daughters to be abused and accepts not responsibility for that although it was her sister's husband and son who perpetrated the abuse.   She's happy when someone is paying her attention and telling her how wonderful a Christian she is.  One of her friends once told me that she wanted to pray with me so that I would have forgiveness in my heart since nothing was mother's fault.  Well she wasn't around when mother allowed the abuse to occur or when mother was beating us.  

I try to tell myself that Mother did the best she could with the coping skills she had, but it's hard.  My relationship with my children is totally different.  I'm joining my daughter's sorority (she actually filled out all the paper work and everything) and there's not much that she doesn't share with me.  My house was always the one where the kids came to.  I hug everyone of them that came through my door.  I've always felt that every child needs love, some more that others.  My sons never had trouble having people over.  The more the merrier.  

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by MILLYANA123, Aug 08, 2010

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by MILLYANA123, Aug 12, 2010

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by luvantiques, Aug 30, 2010
My Mother has forced me to make a decision I had hoped never to make.  Over the past few months I have attempted to distance myself from her due to negative and destructive comments she spews nearly every time I visit her.  Today she dropped by my home and asked my husband and I when we had last cleaned the bathroom.  We were both taken aback and just looked at eachother.  She continued to say it was vile and filthy.  I walked away in an attempt to refrain some saying something hateful.
I had cleaned the bathroom the day before.  After she and my father left my husband and I went into the bathroom and checked the baseboards, behind the door, behind the toilet.  Nothing was vile or dirty.
My husband asked me years ago why I continued to try to establish a relationship with my Mother.  I could only say that I had always yearned for a loving relationship with my mother.
I realized today that it would never happen.  

Avatar universal
by amazed01, Sep 05, 2010
I understand everyone here.  I too have a toxic, evil, vile, hateful mother.  However, after the past couple of months, I have just blocked her out of my life.  

As a teenager, I had a brother who molested me.  I told on him, was ignored.  I was going to destroy our family (in my mothers' eyes).  I was even told I deserved it.  Yet, he was bought brand name clothes, shoes, etc., while I was dressed in bargain store clothes.  If we didn't have the money, then its not fair for one and not the other.  I was slapped in the face routinely, told how hateful I was, beat with the side of a belt for things my brother did, because he was perfect and I was a liar, only for her to find out it was him.  Yet never an apology.  I too tried to have a relationship with her as an adult and it always bit me in the butt.  Every time, it backfired on me and she came out smelling like a rose.

About a month ago, she sent me a hateful e-mail saying I lied to her, I hated her, I didn't meet her expectations and she was ashamed of me as her daughter.  I am a single mother of a 15 year old kid, living and working on my own, with a house paid for and working out of state renting a 5,000 square foot house.  I have bought and paid for 2 vehicles (me and my son- his being a Mustang GT).  I am paying off student loan debt ahead of time and handling my own life.  Yet, my precious brother has lied about his job, his life, etc., and the girl he is living with refuses to marry him because he can't help support her, as she supports him.  I came to the conclusion that I was tired of it.  My brother e-mails me and talks crap to me, so I finally called it like I saw it.  I called him a child molester and her a narcissistic b****.  I've heard from neither since then.  I stood up for myself and got the poison out of my life.  Although I have some anguish over the entire thing, I am learning to let go and live my life for my family.  I am a good mother, a supportive mother, a hard worker, a good friend and a good person.  I refuse to allow some sorry, jealous mean and hateful person tell me otherwise.  

The one stick of advise I can give all of you out there, is don't let ANYONE, and I emphasize ANYONE put you down, lie and be hateful to you.  Life is too short.  Family or not, sometimes people don't change, don't want change and won't change.  You don't have to change to meet their expectations.  We are all humans and err.  Do your best and be the best person you can.  As they say living well is the best revenge.  Make it sweet!

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by adopted1, Sep 06, 2010
Greetings!  I, too, have always had problems with my mother's bullying.  I am 48 years old and my mother is around 92.  She is still sharp as a whip and has a tongue sharper than a sword.  I am sorry but I giggled when I read that you wished you were adopted, then maybe you may have had a better chance in life....guess what?  I was adopted at 5 days old and raised as an only child by parents that were in their early 40's at the time, and I was raised in a female-dominated environment where the woman is the bully in the family.  Imagine that I was forced to attend private school because my mother was trying to make me into something I was never born - and that was her religion.  My childhood was lonely but uneventful....The real problems started after my mother's father, who lived with us,died when I was around 9 yrs old.  By puberty in grade 6, I was constantly being bullied and harassed in school - I was one of three blondes and was constantly tormented because I was racially different from the population of the school.  When the bullying got progressively worse, I begged my mother to let me attend public school for grades  7-9 and she refused.  My life was downhill from then.  I went on finally to regular public high school, and as soon as I had the chance, I took off at 18 to another city.  Of course, I was the 'bad girl'...I had no male influence, no brothers, sisters, cousins, etc to speak to.....anyway back to the present.  I have had trainwrecks of a couple of marriages always with the same ending that my husbands simply could not handle my mother....I am passive and not confrontational least my children love me, and I encourage them to always be nice to my mother.  She projects her shame on me, and constantly chides and abuses me.  I made the biggest mistake of my life I feel  a few years ago when I got divorced and sold my house.  I deposited deposit money that my mother gave me as a gife to buy a property close to her.  She grabbed the money back and I have not seen it since.  Every conversation is a trip down memory lane for her  I am religious, respectful and have a good job.  I have been struggling and raising my kids.  I try to always keep the commandment 'Honour thy Parents' - but it is a very difficult thing to do when you have a scornful, hateful and bitter mother.  My father is completely out of it.  He is 92 and has tuned out by now.  It is just unbelievable that outside, at work, in the market, at the schools etc, I am respected and respectable...but one conversation with my mother can send me into a black hole for days. I have constantly been compared to other adopted kids of my mother's friends, and always always told how horrible I am and have been.  I agreed to marry a man of my mother;s choice for my first marriage and produced three lovely children from that marriage - allowed my mother to be directly involved in their lives, had two more kids with my second husband whom my mother never treated as equal to the first three because their father was not of her faith.  I avoid her, I don't visit her house, I call her almost every day except when she has another outburst.  She is threatening me now that I will have big trouble after she dies because I refuse to bend to her wishes now and go along with her hypocritical ways and religion.  I met my birth family finally about 15 years ago and she cast her negative cloud over them, too, now they have nothing to do with me.  My advice is to just try to keep your cool, be nice even through the negativity etc.  My mother also calls me a liar, denies so many things and tells me I am mentally ill.  Her friends, neighbours etc agree with her that I am the bad one, and often shake their heads and say, poor Gerry...etc. By the way, I had been in therapy and self-help groups for decades on and off.  My heart is broken that I can't be accepted for who I am.. My mother has her own self made pity party and even resorts to calling my friends ( a very old story since my childhood) to gossip about me and cry the blues.  I keep my dignity although sometimes I want to scream, I pray to God that I am not held responsible for things out of my control that stem from other people's imaginations, and hope for the best.  My only solution has been moving far away which always seemed to help.  You know you are a good person.... again, keep your dignity....keep your faith....honour your parents...but don't give in to the bullying.  Now I have finally realized that the phone has a hang-up button, and when my mother starts....I simply tell her that I cannot continue this sort of conversation and I disconnect.  Then when I call back, I ask simply if she is ok  and not so wild anymore.  It is very hard, very hard...but at least I am doing the best I can do.  I have no  other relatives or family at all to help with my parents so .....I am just hanging on in there as I hope you can do too, and just hope that when she finally passes the regrets wont be so harsh.

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by amazed01, Sep 07, 2010
Yes Adopted1, you are to honour thy father and mother, but read on, they are also not to provoke you.  In other words, Yes, respect them, speak well of them, honor them, but on the other hand, they are to be proper parents, to raise with love and a hard hand (to correct only).  We are to be corrected for wrongs and errors, not be punished for being born.  

It took me many years to get the courage to stop the nonsense, the violence, the lies, the betrayals, the abuse and the backstabbing.  I too, as a Christian took many years to come to the reality of the situation because I did want to honor my mother, I did want to be the good girl and do the right things, such as forgive and forget.  At some point, we all must show responsibility for our own behavior.  If you know someone is going to make you angry, walk away.  If you know you are going to be lied to, don't enable them by allowing it and giving them fuel for it.  If you know they will mistreaty you, don't put yourself in that situation.  We must learn that we have lives.  We have families.  What good does it do your family for you to be in therapy, mentally drained, depressed and ill?  Nothing.  You are allowing someone else to do that to you.  

That is why I stay away.  What I told above is only a hundredth of what that woman put me through.  When I finally realized I was enabling her to hurt me, lie to me, cuss me, yell at me, scream at me, put me down, etc., I realized I'd had enough.  And you know, I feel no guilt.  I have tried to have a relationship with her all my life and especially since my father died when I was 23 (39 now).  I Took her into my house, only for her to curse the ground I walk on, took from my family to help support her, was pregnant with my son, bailing her out of a mess in another state, I've caught her lying about me to my face in front of family, I've been hit and slapped as an adult, you name it.  I have tried.  Will I feel guilt when she passes.  No, I will feel pity that the woman never knew her daughter, never tried to know her daughter or never wanted to know her daughter.  What mother would walk through this world so miserable that she hates or despises her own child.  Although I know she is probably not right in the mental department, I cannot help her.  I will not be drug down with her only to realize I become her.  That's why I cut ties.  And you know, I wish no harm on her, no dishonor, no hate.  I just pray that her heart heals before she dies.  

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by ElleBless, Sep 11, 2010
My Goodness amazed01, adopted01 and eaglewings my heart goes out to just as it does to everyone that has written on this blog.  I commend you for the strength that you have found to move on and live your life instead of it being controlled and manipulated by such blatant coldness from the one person we expect with such naivety to love us unconditionally.

My story is above.  One thing that have decided to do is take this time for me and my family (husband and kids) and get my head together so that I can be a better person for my husband and my kids.  I've removed myself from the evil reach of my mother's hold.  I realize that she and my sister are jealous of my marriage and that fact that my enabling them had to come to a stop.  They attacked my husband in such a way that he wants nothing to do with either one of them.  However, he still somehow thinks that I should call my mother.  I turn to him and ask him why?  I'm tired of being the "bigger person", I'm tired of being the mature one and hoping that in our right actions that they would return kindness only to end up being disappointed that I even tried.  They are two lonely and bitter individuals that need to find some business of their own and stay out of mine.  I am flat out just mentally and physically tired.  It has created such a complex in me that I don't even want to answer my phone when it rings for concern that I will become angry by anything someone in my family might say in their favor.  

I truly need this time to heal and seek direction on how to move forward with this matter.  I honestly hope in the time that I'm taking away from them that they have actually thought about how they couldn't handled matter differently but that again would me being optimistic.  I need to focus on my kids and my husband and make sure that I am not allowing myself to get sick over this.  My blood pressure spiked over this stuff. I need to be here for my babies. I would love to have them in my life to help with my children when my husband and I want to go out, but I would almost be willing to keep them at home if my in-laws can't keep them for fear of the kind of stuff they may mention around my children.  That is one thing I don't want to do is make my children accessible that kind of hatred.  I refuse to allow my kids to become a product of my family.  I want to do everything in my power to give them a better life then I had growing up with my mother and a family living with superficial ideas of success.  

Unlike my mother, I don't think I've arrived as a christian.  I only pray that God helps me overcome my deep hurts so that I don't miss my blessing because anger and resentment has set in.  I understand that the spiritual growth is one that takes time if you do it right.  I won't pretend though.  I ask for God to give me his wisdom on this.  I also ask him that in some way that he can show them themselves.  

Stay encouraged everyone who is dealing with these hurts.  You are not alone.  Most importantly there is someone praying (whether anyone believes or not) that our wounds will be healed.  That we will be able to pick up live happy lives with the friends that have shown themselves to be more faithful than family.  Surround yourselves with positive people and we will begin feel that weight lifted a little bit, a day at a time.    We win when we become better people and they see it.   When they see that they didn't destroy us it would be like dropping hot coal on their heads.  

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by flamingphoenix, Sep 19, 2010
My mother is the same... a nasty witch. She behaves in the same manner as the majority of mothers described here. She's 88 and smokes like a fiend and expects me to provide her with cigarettes. I don't smoke and I hate to be around anyone who does However, I'll buy her all the cigarettes she wants and encourage her to smoke more if her miserable life will come to a more rapid close.

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by sprite101, Oct 11, 2010
I've just had to cry while reading every response.

I'm crying for myself and others for our pain, and I'm crying in relief to know I'm not alone.

I found this site when I googled "my mother is bitter."  I just returned from 5 days with my 80-year-old mother.  I went up to visit her because she was "so lonely" and also needed some manual labor around the house.  I felt it was my duty.

But the whole time I was there being both company and free labor for her, she criticized me nonstop.  That sounds mild and it was nothing to what really happened, but I can't relive it now.  I've just gotten to the place I can breath evenly again.

But I did come away with the conviction to stay away from her - no matter how guilty I feel about it - until she gets professional help.  I have urged her many times to seek counseling, but this will probably never happen because she is in denial. She can't see how nasty she is to people and she's says I'm "too sensitive."  

I could go on and on, but what I really want to say here is that I'm so grateful for all the rest of you who are struggling between wanting to do what's right for a person who just happens to be in the mother role OR doing what is right for ourselves and future generations.

I believe the right thing to do is to keep ourselves healthy, no matter the guilt.  There's no need for two people to be destroyed by bitterness.

So, hang in there and know you are doing the mentally healthy thing to cut out the cancer or to severely limit contact with it.  Be brave!  Thanks!

Avatar universal
by Tangles61, Oct 14, 2010
Thank you all for your stories. I was always close to my mother and when I started saying 'No' and putting in some healthy boundaries she went into a tail spin. My mother had two sons before my father, one got dumped onto her mother and the other, two years later (to the same father) got adopted out. Apparently the guy promised her the world and then took off. My mother then carried this baggage into a toxic relationship with my alcoholic father who was already beating her before they got married. She had two children in this marriage. My father continued drinking until I was 5 and remained a dry drunk until he died when he was 62. My mother was a classic victim. She blamed the world and my father for everything. Because of her past situation she could never leave and I was left hostage to the violence, abuse and neglect. Every decision my mother has ever made led to grief for me. Her decision to stay with my father even when he was beating me up as a youngster. The people she hired to coach me in my chosen sport ended up raping me and so on and on and on. I grew up on the crumbs of love and was grateful for her 'love'.
As I said I was extremely close for 40 plus years...until my Alanon recovery started to make a big difference in my life. I started to push back a bit on her behaviour towards me. I started to draw simple boundaries and to stop the enmeshment.

She didn't like this and I then started to see her true stripes....she was a spiteful, bitter, twister and nasty person and I am shocked to the core to have come out of my delusion to see this relationship for what it really was.

I say was, because she died a few weeks ago.....not before she landed her most cruelest blow by disinheriting me four weeks before her most to the eldest son who had never had much to do with her....

I can relate to you all except for the fact that it all came late in life when I decided not to be her performing codependent, people pleasing monkey sad.

At least now I am free to live a life with emotional honesty, something she was never able to do..

Thanks for reading :)

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by lewiejay, Oct 15, 2010
how cruel and sad tangles 61 my heart truly go's out to you as it does to everyone on this page
when i talk to people who have loving mother,i think at first they are shocked and cannot believe
how much i dont want anything to do with my own mother.
she is the most selfish,self absorbed,nasty,troublemaking person i have ever known
i craved an ounce of her love for years,only when she was ever drunk she would say she loved me
when she was sober it was worse,the name calling since i was a young girl and how she should have left
me with my father because i was b******,she never forgave him for leaving.
everyone else was at fault never her.
i yet again spoke to her recently,but it never lasts i end up a nervous wreck with her constant phone calls
her stirring up trouble amongst everyone,she is a nasty horrible person who does not deserve my family and i
thats the same to everyone on this page,you sound all decent kind people who have put up with so much
and deserve to be happy in life,now i am cutting all ties although i still feel guilty i cannot cope with that woman anymore
she has made me feel worthless all my lifenow i dont have a father or mother.
a father who could have got to know me,but dident and a mother who had my love but coud not give it back.
take care everyone

Avatar universal
by suzie10186, Oct 27, 2010
I am 45 years old and my mother a self absorbed house wife is 71.  She has alway been a little out there but never been diagnosed with anything.  I have a younger 41 years old sister who moved 2 hours away 20 years ago. Up in till this summer she came to visit them a few times a year and called seldom. My  father is getting forgetful for the last year and mildly depressed.  We live locally and my husband and children have been very helpful in their lives from doctors visits bills lawn and construction work on their house.
This past Fathers Day my sister decided it was time to take my parents for the weekend and celebrate Fathers Day and my Mothers Birthday over that weekend.  It did not matter to her that I had to work on Fathers Day and planned to celebrate it with my ailing father ther day before, although she requested if my husband could make the trip to pick them up.  Long story short there were alot of hurt feelings. My mother has had a vadetta on me since this weekend.  It is like she turned on the daughter who has been there for her all along.  Saying hurtful things about me and my children. I did not talk to her for 3 months and did not go to her home, because of what transpired that weekend.  My mother has always been the Queen she can insult you scream at you be the rudest person.  She will never apologize and think she has never done anything wrong.  I never knew that while myself and family were doing thing for them she was bad mouthing me to my sister who never gave a crap about them.  My sister now sits on the pedistal and I and my family are the worst thing out there.  This past September my father became very sick of course I went there and started helping out, as I am helping my sister is calling more and more freqently and repeating to me my mothers insults and paranoid accusations. My sister is taking my mothers side and visits causing alot of fighting telling me what a terrible  abasive person I am.  This time when she came and I had taken my father for lab work and just dropped him off at his home.  She was arriviing at that time and I left.  No sooner was my cell phone ringing and my house phone. She started with accusations.  I said I will come over.  I asked my mother how she can talk badly about me when I am doing everthing from paying bills to driving them to doctors , my hustband is repairing her roof and redid her bathroom.  Well the both of them blew  in front of my 24 year old son, my sister even attacked him as well as bad mouthed me to him.  I am a working professional,I am churchgoer, I am repected by my peers.  
My sister has alinated me from my cousin, since she lives so far from here she put my cousin to work to spy on them as well.
I have stayed now away for 3 weeks on my Birthday my mother called at 7am to tell me my fathers leg was now black and oh Happy Birthday.  The last time my mother spoke to me she told me for the second time she hated me that I have caused her misery since I was 6 months old, she asked me to leave and not come back.  It killed me but I said Mom have you called my sister, remember you Hate me.  How many times do I go back?  I am spirtually broke.  I pray for peace and forgiveness, to the point I am depressed and beating myself up.  This only a synopsis it may not sound as bad as it truly is.  
My father was here over the weekend and cried.  No one cares about him and he want to take his life.  He begged me to forget what my mother said and come back.  My 17 year old son was so upset and cried as well.  He refuses to go to his house because of the way my mother is acting.
I emaild my sister who I will no longer speak to who has taken a sudden interest in my parents for obvious reasons$$$.  To tell her that my father made those remarks about taking his life.  I reminded her that she created this situation and allows my mother to vent negativly about me instead of telling her it is enough and I am here  locally to help her.  My mother repeats this comment "You should be ashamed of yourself for making your poor sister travel 2 hours when she has small children" but it is ok to comdemm me and chastize me to your other daughter whose done nothing for you the last 20 years.   Her own husband has not been up to visti my parents in 2 years, but this is the daughter who  now counts.
My older son called my parents yesterday and of course my mother was bashing me to him because of the email I sent my sister. My sister and I are both in the medical field, I was not goingt to have my father state he was going to take his life and not do anything. My husband and I visited my mother prior to the email but she was sleeping and we left.  No matter what I do my mother has issues with me.  
What do I tell my father when he comes here and cries, it kills me to see him that way, but I can not mentally take my mother and her insults.  The said thing is she treats my father like this too.
I don't know what to do it breaks my heart.

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by lewiejay, Nov 03, 2010
its true what they say,you do everyting to help a person in life,then you get dont get much thanks then someone
who has took a back seat and done very little gets all the praise.
i have the exact problem with my own nasty mother,she drove you demented with her demands,where i felt guilty and actually sorry for her at some points that i would put my own life on hold to listen to her and try to understand her ever increasing erratic behaviour,where it got to a point i had to seek medical help and consult a counciller because i thought she had broken my spirit to a point of no return.
i picked myself up,but through the years only to go back and forth trying to get a glimpse of a a loving mother but then i realise now thts it is never meant to be.
i feel for you suzie,i can understand you pain in everything that you have done for your mum,she has now turned on you
and  has favoured your sister which has been a cruel thing to do as everything you have done for her.
i feel the same i have  a sister who i have not spoke to in 12 years,she is 7  years older than me,she used me through the years to be a babysitter for her kids,flirted with my boyfriends and even mocked me at her wedding on video which i was not invited i was too busy making the food and watching her kids.
she came on the scene when i was not speaking to my  mum for a few years,she makes excuses to come down to her house so she can get money,takes her out so she can get her shopping paid for.
when i did speak to my mum agaiin i was the batterring ram for all  my mums problems,if she gave us anything she would cast it up and talk about everyone including my sister,my sister is hanging about soley to do with cash,its not out the goodness of her heart.
it was my birthday on saturday she sent me a card full of sarcasm and no love,i just tossed it aside and relished
in my own childrens and their dads affections,i dont need her anymore and as long as you have your own caring family neither will you,you should never feel guilty,why should your heath be affected you only get one shot of life.
but now its got to a point i have cut all ties i cutting all ties,ive not spoken to my mum in the last month
she go's on about herself and when i said my youngest was not well she walked over what i said and went on about herself,she is a horrible mother where i know now there is no love loss and i know she dislikes me.
i have done everything for her and now she does not deserve my caer,that is the same for you suzie you should not beat yourself up anymore over the hurt and distress that your mother has caused you,you can hold your head high and at least say you have tried,you still have your father,try to focus around him and how he is feeling right now,it must be hard for him to see how nasty and uncaring his own wife has become.
take care for now:)

Avatar universal
by rachelle883, Nov 05, 2010
I have a mean bitter resentful mum too. She favours my older sister, who sides with her. I think my mother is a classic narcissist, and my sister is a co-narcissist. My mother tells lies about me and twists everything I say around. She even made my IVF all about her!  She is always the victim and has to have her own way. She never gave me love or affection as a child and I always tried to seek approval from both parents. Never happened and never will. Tonights phone call she called me a "F__ckin Witch"!  Because I dared to say how I felt.  Because I dare to disagree with her!  I'm 47 years old and have only now been able to stand up to her without ending up in an emotional heap/mess! I only managed to do this by emotionally cutting myself off from her and realising IT'S HER, NOT ME with the problem. But my question here and now is "How do you all deal with such a huge disappointment that the one person you are supposed to trust in life does this to You?"  How do you deal with it?  Mothers are supposed to protect and nurture, not conquer and divide her children!  Mothers are supposed to listen with love, not become defensive and abusive.  Take care all, I look forward to any suggestions. Rachelle883

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by lewiejay, Nov 05, 2010
when someone see a friends mother being loving and caring,its confusing as you wish that you had that same level of love from a mother who is the complete opposite.
it is heartbreaking and souling destroying rachelle knowing this will never happen,ive went through years from an early age of mental and physical abuse at the hands of my mother, i hated living in the same housei would imagine and wish myself somewhere else,wanting to live a normal care free life surrounded by a mothers love and understanding.
if  a mother has treated you the way she has,through bitterness,resentfulness and nastiness we cannot keep going back to endure it anymore,ive have myself went back and forth hoping that one day im going to find a mother who is meant to care and be there to help and comfort,but its never going to happen.
accepting this is probably the hardest thing to do,its hurful knowing how much you have tried and others dont but yet get favoured.
life is for living it to the full,not making yourself ill which i have done on many occasion through my own mother
who was only happy whenever i was unhappy,or the name calling which at an early age destroyed my confidence.
dont let your mother do that to you,if she is being verbully abusive to you,thats is no mother
be strong and know if you have the love and affection of others in your life you certainly dont need her.
i know this sounds hurtful but if she has never gave you love and affection throughout your life,she is not going to now
believe me im there,i am 44 and had the same lack of a mothers love i know she does not like me and never has
i got told by a friend,that my mother ws a very jealous person,i wondered always as a mother of two children how could a mother ever want to be jealous of their kids?
ive been writing for years poems,stories and in to the newspapers,she would see my name in the paper and dismiss it
would never praise anything that i done,went on about herself how good she was at school,but never encouraged me was i was there.bitterness and jealousy are two main factors in a lot of these posts that mothers portray.
if you accept that your mother is never going to change,say to yourself that you are strong and you know longer are going to accept the way your mother is treating you and then move on to a new emotional level,freedom from abuse from someone who should have been there and someone who should have known better being a mother.
it will be only a matter of time before she will be taking her hate out on someone else.
hold your head high and walk away with no gulit,you are a humanbeing who deserves love,care and respect like everyone else in this world.
at the end of the day its your mothers loss.
take care x

Avatar universal
by ElleBless, Nov 30, 2010
I must report that I saw my mother about 3 weeks ago.  It was only by the invitation of my Aunt that I saw my mother. She was having a dinner at her house and my aunt and I were conversing back and forth through e-mail encouraging one another and in my aunts excitement she invites to this dinner.  
Well needless to say I was reluctant because my mother has failed to contact me for months and I've decided to move forward and not not allow myself to be controlled nor manipulated by her evil tactics.  I've decided to just live my life and if she doesn't want to be a part of it because she is too prideful to admit that she was wrong how she treated my and my husband, I don't need the drama in my life.  
Anyway, as I mentioned, I ended up going over there and I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate as I began to walk through her house.  Let me tell you, this woman is so cold after not seeing me nor my children for months the only thing she can say is "it's good to see you"....What?  The average mother would have dropped everything to hug us and do everything to try to make a mends, doing what she could to put all of the drama behind, but she is too d***n bullheaded to accept that she was wrong and get it right with me.  I bared through being there long enough to eat dinner and we got the HELL out of there.  OH, and I guess she didn't think I noticed that she took me and my husband's wedding picture down.

I've decided that I don't want to deal with her for the rest of the year and even next year if necessary.  I don't need the stress.  I'm taking this time to heal and accept the fact that I'm a better person than her and will be a better mother than her.  I have my close friends and my spiritual mothers for support and that's all I need in my life right now.  It hurts to not have my mother there for me but I can't expect for someone who is self-centered and has always been self-centered to ever see how her actions have effected my life.

This Thanksgiving I cooked dinner, we visited our god-parents and came back home.  It was lovely and I didn't have the stress of being somewhere I didn't want to be this year.  It's what I've been wanting to do for the last 4 yrs actually.   I know Christmas is coming up and quite frankly I don't even want them to buy my kids anything.  I'd rather accept gifts from people I have a relationship with.  

I'm still shocked that this is how my relationship has turned out with my mother and my sister to be honest. Well my sister has always been a little self absorbed (expletive) and I've always took her crap but she's crossed the line with me and don't expect to have a normal relationship with her.  

So that was my Thanksgiving.  It actually felt good to be able to relax without them for a change.  

Avatar universal
by seekinghelp570, Dec 03, 2010
WOW, I too cannot believe that I am not alone, actually i am the younger brother  of three siblings with a mean hateful vengeful MOM who seems to hate all of us and put us all out of her life. She is goes to church and stuff and acts nice to people, but then she has always, i means always hated my sister, the only girl in the house. and then when my sister got married an moved out she turned her bitter demonic hatred on my and my brother... over the years we the siblings have prayed and tried to help her and be kind to her but she always brings up our faults or mistakes and she never feels that she does anything wrong, and everyone is out to get her...and then she spews evil venoumous lies about my sisters family and my brothers family and now recently she has begun to lie on my...some of the lies she tells are lies that can get people in trouble with the law...the thing is i cannot seam for the life of my to figure out why my mom has been sooo jelouse and hateful of my sister and why she is soooo bitter because in the beginning we come from a nice christian home a nice little perfect christian family....not its been over 20+ years of hatred and jealosy and lies and ugly venon against my sister and if you take my sisters side and defend her, then you are attacked to...its as if she completely hates my sister to her soul and all her children.

Avatar universal
by Carolinejefferson, Dec 12, 2010
It is amazing to read this page. I have spent my whole life being put second to all my other siblings and my mother's needs. My mother and middle sister are liars and twisters of truths and would cut their own throats, if they could blame someone else and get away with it. They are two peas in apod; cruel and heartless and selfish. It breaks my heart but I  have decide enough is enough and to walk away. I cannot get involved in their mind games any longer. I have read this page and it has made me cry at the stories that are repeted here and had I come from a loving home I would have found it impossible to believe. But saddly it is all true. My mother would beat me with a broom and when at six I looked her in the eye and said stop it, she flew into a fenzy that, had my father not walked in a that moment I fear what might have happened. Both sister and mother play the game of enjoying their bad health. I say if you have to have a hobby there is nothing like your own health.

I am mistrusting of all people male and female and find it had to settle and make friends and at 48 i am tiring of the bad behaviour of these people who are my family that has made me this way.

I once said to my father that I could not stand my mother and I no longer wished to be around her. he said he understood but to remember that in life you must make a choice and stick with it. once done there was little chance of going back to undo it. I found it hard to to just walk away. I had no sence of myself to do so.

Now I have a daughter who is being treated the same way by both my sister and by my mother. It is cruel to watch a trusting loving girl be so abused. It is time, it is truely time and i hope and pray that by leaving this hideous past behind me I to can have the life I truely deserve. And potect this child of mine from what i can only say is pure evil.

I no longer wish to be around them and that includes my father who while I love him a great deal, he loves my mother. It has to be my choice and I have to make it and live with the consequences.

Avatar universal
by margie24262, Jan 12, 2011
thank you to everyone one who shared their stories, hope you stay strong and realise you dont need these so called "mothers' love they will only make you feel worse about5 yourself and continue to damage your self esteem.  Keep well away as you would from any other persons who make you feel bad about yourself.   These women are genetic mothers nothing else

Avatar universal
by Jojobinks, Jan 25, 2011
"Wow". Cant believe I've found this :) I've always tried to search the internet for some sort of article, or just anything I could relate to to try and get some sort of advice to do with nasty, bitter, childish mums. Im 24 and have been suffering with a disgrace of a mother since I was around 11. Sometimes I actually think its giving me mental health problems and just pray I am able to heal when I can finally get out. I unfortunately still live at home as I do not earn enough to be able to move out and Im too embarrassed to ask friends, I just want to live a normal life more than anything in the world. I have a fiance who I have been with for 7 years and Im just so grateful that I have at least had him to confide in an to support me when Im in absolute despair. Theres nothing worse than when she is going off on one, being completely unreasonable and making life impossible, and then she says well if you dont like it you know what you can do. Except I cant so its put up and shut up until that day arrives. She is highly manipulative, as soon as my dad is home from work she runs straight over to fill him in on the days incidents, making up things, twisting things, playing the victim no end. All she does whenever I am home is follow me around prodding and poking me until she gets a reaction and then its 'how DARE you speak to me like that, b****.' If I need to get past her she doesnt move. She drags out whatever she is doing just to be difficult. And then she'll smirk to herself. She can do what she likes, its her house not mine. Ill say excuse me and she'l pretend she cant hear. I do all my own washing, cooking, cleaning, everything. I dont depend on her for anything and I pay her the going rate in rent. I have a younger sister and my stepdad, her father lives with us also. Hes been around for years I basically call him dad, I love and respect him a huge amount, more than I ever will her. She isnt as bad with them as they dont react when shes prodding and poking. They let her control them and walk all over them. As long as shes got control shes happy. I get on well with my sister also, I think us three would be the happiest family around if she wasnt there, sat on her bum, dictating from the couch. Thats another point, she is lazy, the house is filthy apart from my bedroom and the bathroom which I clean. She spends nearly all day on the sofa with her laptop on her knee and watches every sopa going. And has afternoon naps. She has a few hours as a childminder a couple of mornings a week and then complains shes had an awful tiring day when me and my dad return home from work. She goes out of her way to annoy me, wind me up and just be a spiteful nasty cow. I make a pledge with myself to just ignore her and stop speaking to her and just be civil when I am asked something, and then eventually she'll be nice and i start to think maybe this time, it will stay like this and we can do things together and Ill have the proper mum Ive always wanted. But like every single time, it lasts a few days, then as soon as she finds something tiny to complain about its world war 3 again. My dad does his best to stay out of it, he can see whats going on but if he sticks up for me at all he gets her wrath then. He sometimes has to take her side just to avoid the abuse himself which hurts a lot, but I understand.
Now Ive got that off my chest!!!! -  I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has posted their stories on here, I have balled my eyes out most of the afternoon and I definitely havnt had it as bad as some of you but it gives me so much peace to think were all in the same boat, its not us its them. Keep your heads straight well be rid of them one day :) <3 xx

Avatar universal
by serenity0827, Jan 25, 2011
... I cannot believe there are people out there like me.      My 'mother'  is the most nasty person I know, other than my 'sister'.    I wish I was adopted so that I can say I am, but unfortunately, she is my biological mother.     I have extreme mental issues now, no self worth, (feel unworthy), and carry the nasty, hateful, horrible, dispicable things she has done and said to me for over 30 years.    Well over 30 years.      I HATE her.     I cannot let it go.    I finally walked away from her 3-1/2 years ago.       She is well off, my Dad (whom I love deeply) passed away 35 years ago, and should be the happiest person ever.   She has Four living adult children, (well 3 now, I'm gone) - she hates me because I look my my Dad and his mother (bad marriage, she hated her mother in law, what else is new?      Nobody likes her, she has NO friends, I have alot of friends and the majority of people like me.    She is a jealous, spiteful woman.     As is her other daughter.     Absolutely toxic people, alot of people have commented on both of them.      

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by chooserespect, Jan 27, 2011
...loathly...isn't it...twisted, sick & not worth figuring it out really but damn it is real as a cold winters day...awaking & not in no good way neither...the denial & flipping it all amazes me...walking piece of vile work to the core...i have *never in my life seen *anything like it...yet since I was little I can remember being hated profoundly. Just pathetically revolting that such behaviour & actions choice. I am now 38 with two beautiful daughters ages 13 & 5...the ***** can't stand it either...tries to sucker in my 13 yr old & my 5 yr old gets the brunt just like I do...not having *that. I moved back to Canada, to her neighbour hood after finalizing my divorce, custody, child support in the USA & 18 months later if I don't move as far away as possible, *it won't be good. Triffling, liar of a meddling evil mean spirited intruder with drastic demeaning intentions ... horrible horrible horrible...but *I'm the 1 who needs help...*I am *never nice to my girls...(shipped their ponies to Canada, they have a beautiful dog, I don't go out, we home school, swimming, ballet, art, *nice theme bedrooms, I have my own design company...two paid for new vehicles, no debt at all - no drinking, red wine occasionally, house is always spotless, dogs r groomed...but they stink so bad that ppl look at her when she goes to a store...* druggy brother, loser, 3 kids different *young *broke girls with *nothing & he doesn't take care of his kids, lives off the system is a saint & she wipes his *** twice...i tell u is beyond my emotional capacity to *feed her monster...& *that makes her even more vile...she has so many issues A - Z & let me say it loud & proud "It's *not me!". My new word for her is eff off click.

Avatar universal
by amae67, Feb 13, 2011
Thank you to everyone who posted here!!! I too have a nasty, mean, hateful, bitter mother who enjoys hurting me while she fawns all over my brother.  She doesn't care about me or my sons, her only 2 grandchildren. My father was sick last year and she never told me. He died and I never got to talk to him. After everything she has done to me, I have NO MORE genuine emotions for her. My heart is frozen dead when it comes to her. I am fakey-fake nice to her, but I loathe her. She screamed at me and my boys that we are "filthy pigs" and that's why she would never come visit us in our home. Her house is scoured clean, like a museum. I won't stay there with my kids. We used her bathrooms and she bought new toilets, saying we ruined her bathrooms!! I wear plastic bags on my feet when I visit her because my feet sweat and she complains about me getting oil on her floors. I could go on and on but why...

I just wanted to let everyone here know how how reading these posts made me feel so much better. Apparently none of us is alone!

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by lewiejay, Feb 16, 2011
its true none us are alone when we can see others in the same prediciment,everyone should know that we all should have had better in this lifetime and it is so sad by reading these posts what everyone has had to endure with hateful,selfish mothers who's only concerns have been themselves.
i have finally had enough of the abuse,hatred and jealousy through my bitter mother who could never praise you or only ever tell you she loved you when drunk.
i finally decided 8 weeks ago enough was enough,at christmas time i never phoned her because she is only ever hell bent in causing misery, and we had all not been well with the flu,she told my brother on christmas eve a couple of year back when he visited that we were all b****** and she was going to fling herself head first out a window,she has threatened this for years purley out for attention
we had done everthing for her through the years only for her to spew her hatred and nastiness and play each member of our family against each other.
i knew if i phoned her she would do her uppermost to try and ruin our christmas with her bile,from an early age she made all our lives a misery,took away our confindece and did her best to put herself first.
i decided to phone her in the new year and i asked her how she was for her to reply,'who are you? i told her we had not been well especially our 5 year old and she said 'your not the only one who has not been well and i was selfish!
she started to go on about herself continously and i finally said to her'do you ever concern yourself about anyone else,even your grandkids,she replied your son(who is 13) only came up looking for money,which was not true and downright nasty
i had sent our son before christmas to hand in presents for her and my stepdad and she gave some money for him and his 5 year old brother for christmas.
anything she gives to anyone she will cast up,talks behind everyones back and basically like to wallow in self misery.
i hung up the phone on her as she started to become more nasty.
2 weeks later i recieved a letter,not mentionioning anything that had previously happened and asked how we were
and she hoped that the money she gave our boys helped,i felt i was in the twilght zone or she was doing her usual which she has done in the past'mind games'.
i ignored the letter,but its only a matter of time before she comes back to cause more grief.
i can honestly say i want nothing more to do with her,i feel so much better having her out  our life.
i know i have wrote a few posts on here,im sorry if i am getting a bit repetitive but i feel it as a form of therapy
by typing out how i feel.
my oldest son said to me the other day'mum your the best'if there were more people like you in this world,it would be a much better place,i cried and my heart ached with love for my boys,i felt for the first time  finally in life i was doing something right in someones eyes as i had alway been put down.
i hope everyone on here can see that that a mothers love should be unconditional and if it is not there i dont think it will ever be,it is sad and hurtful,but if you have others in your life like a loving partner and children then thats all you need.
it is the mothers loss,as long as you shower your kids with love care annd ignore all the horrible things that you went through then you will come out the better person,.
will your mother stands in the shameful shadow, a mother who should be pitied more than scorned, a mother who did not deserve you.

Avatar universal
by raven001, Feb 18, 2011
My wife directed me to this thread just out of interest as my situation is reflected in every post above to varying degrees. After many years of trying to please or just get along and not recieving respect, as well as having the situation put my marriage and chosen life under great pressure, I decided enough was enough and cut all ties. I immeadiately changed my phone numbers and when I eventually moved, failed to let anyone connected to my family know. The final connection yet to be broken is work,... this to will change in time. Until then I don't take their calls and just delete their messages.

It has been the most liberating thing I have ever done and I'll never look back. I'm happier than I've ever been and my marriage is stronger than ever. I have no hatred or interest toward them, I have no feeling what so ever. I am biologically connected but "Family" to me is those that are close to me by choice.

Blood may be thicker than water, but water is more palatable.

If you are one of the many that are burdoned with narcissistic relatives... please... for your own sake... close the door and walk away.

fair winds to all

Avatar universal
by finallyatpeace, Feb 21, 2011
My mother is 68 and an evil, jealous, gossip that never shuts her mouth.  She gets more hateful by the week.  After my first divorce her and my oldest sister (she's a narcissist too) made up, and shamelessly spread, a rumor that I was a gay man (wow.  i'd have a lot more options if that were true).  She's made every female that has meant something to me cry.  She has NO control of the evil venom which flows so freely from her mouth.  My entire life I believed that I was the problem.  It got so bad after my second divorce that I decided to try to find out what's the matter.  I did a lot of research and discovered that my mother is a malignant narcissist of worst sort.  That was 3 years ago.  I've not spoken with my mother in two years (she does try to get to me through my ex-wives and other family members).  In spite of the fact that my life is NOT the happiest...I miss my two youngest children, I sacrifice a lot to keep my child-support current...I posses a profound sense of joy inside that NEVER existed prior to separating myself from my mother.  If you have a mother like this, RUN, and never look back.  There is life after all the abuse.   There is love.

Avatar universal
by miracles100, Feb 22, 2011
this is such a blessing--have been having obsessive thoughts about my mother.  I have been trying to dig out for 12 years now--breaking the cycle with my own daughters, sons, and husband. when things get stressful as they have been most of my life--the thoughts come.  i have been practicing forgiveness all of my life--a person told me that i am one of the most accepting persons she has ever known.  i was born with the gift of faith and continue to try to believe that the lord has peace for me--but not in the company of any of my siblings & mother.  until dad died 10 years ago--i truly believed or seriously wanted to believe that "someday" she would have time for me.  i had seen over the course of my life how she judged my sister and i was the girl in the middle--shuttling from serving one's needs to the other.  i tried to stay as detached as possible.  when my baby son died--the same year my dad had a massive stroke--i helped & kept helping until he died.  when he died; i went home to my own family to deal with the survival issues that confront a family that has experienced child death--my mom travelled & her favorite saying as she ran out the door was..."life is for the living."  once dad died--the whole family turned on me--it was almost instantaneous.  it has been 10 years--if it weren't for me reaching out, none would have talked to me at all.  in october, mom called to tell me that she wanted to make up--that finally, after 10 years of not speaking to me, she finally had a glimpse that it wasn't just me--i apparently hurt her feelings by saying something to her about my feelings over losing my son--she added that i always was different.  she asked me to come to thanksgiving which i did--but it was a farce--and inside, although i didn't want to know this--i knew that she only made the gesture to get me to attend thanksgiving so all would "appear" well.  since dad died, it has become clear that my sister is also very negative--a few years ago, i visited her because her husband had cancer--they don't talk--they leak negativity--i returned home distraught and the next day was fired from my job.  i keep reading the book of job--my health which was always good & my spirit which has always loved just feels flat.  am i dealing with the same thing here or is it me?

Avatar universal
by pattie12, Feb 23, 2011
Hey all I don't have to post about my mother you have all done that for me. I did come to a conclusion though.
Our children will never feel this way about us and  they will never have to endure what we are going through.  I had my 60th birthday yesterday and and my son posted on my facebook. Happy 60th to the best mom in the world. After 36 years we have a loving relationship and I know we always will.

Avatar universal
by 2670sarah, Feb 24, 2011
After 40 years of putting up with an evil nasty mother today was the last straw. My mother is a mean, sarcastic, petty, vindictive and lonely women who alientates people, she has few friends and cant figure out why! She complains about everyone and everything and speaks nastily about the few friends she has behind their backs. She packed my brother off to boarding school when he was 7 and I was sent off when I was 10. I hardly saw her when I was growing up but she was not loving and not supportive. My brother was the golden boy and she always introduced him in glowing terms but I was just "sarah", I have always been second best and my brother was smothered. As soon as he was able to moved to the USA and has little to do with her in the last 21 years. He cant stand her nastiness either and hasnt spoken to her in 2 years, she blames me for this? and questions me all the time about my relationship with him and is jealous that he talks to me and not her.
I have 3 beautiful children and each time I have been pregnant she has told me to get an abortion and even offered to pay for it! If she can pay for something instead of giving love and affection then she will get her cheque book out but then tell everyone she knows how useless I am as she has had to help me out.
My father was a sadistic moron with a horrible who used to smack my brother and I about, something she says we "imagined" as she doesnt remember it! He also used to sexually abuse me when I was around 10 and she says I "imagined" this also. He left her for a younger women when I was 14 and even though I have told her about the abuse I suffered she still thinks of him as some kind of hero and makes me listen to how wonderful she thinks he is.
When I left boarding school and started to go to a local school at 16 she made me wear her old clothes and shoes and I was laughed at.... she was receiving about 2 thousand pounds a month form my father as he was very wealthy but because she had had to wear second hand clothes when she was growing up she made me do the same. I used to have blisters on my feet as the shoes were too small, but my brother wore the best she could buy and he was treated like a prince. I never resented him for it though as it was just her being mean to me.
Throughout my life she has bullied and belittled me, made fun of me if I am carrying a little extra weight in front of shop assistants, poked me, said nasty things to me about my body and made fun of my clothes.
I was in hospital after having an abdominal operation when I was 24 and she came in with some old tatty pjyamas of hers and told me to put them on, I couldnt even move as I had had major surgery and said no to which she called me an ungrateful ***** and threw them at my head, I had to get them to ask her to leave as she was being so vile.
I was so ill another time and asked her if she could come and look after me..... she complained bitterly as she had already arranged to go to her sisters golden wedding anniversary..... she turned up at my house a couple hours later I had to crawl down the stairs to let her in, my floor in my bedroom was covered in vomit, I had soiled the bed as my stomach was so bad, I hadnt eaten or drunk all day as was too ill (kids were at my ex husbands!) I was too embarrased to call friends as I had soiled myself and all she did was complain that I was "putting on her" and how dare i "put her in this situation " and "dont do this to me you make my life so difficult" she called me a selfish ***** because I crawled back up the stairs to bed and refused to make her a cup of tea and then she stormed out.
I was admitted to hospital the next day with diverticulitis and was kept in for 5 days, I have never felt so ill as I did that week. she never apologised just said to me " I dont want to talk about it, I had to go to the party"  
I could go on and on but I will get to where I am now with her.
After several disasterous relationships with bullies I have met the most adorable man who loves me and my children and he is supportive, loving, kind and I just love him to bits. I am getting married in 12 weeks and all she does is make comments and try to upset me as we have no involved her in the planning of the wedding or accepted money off her. I dont want her to spoil the day. We sent the invitations out a couple of months ago and my fiance wrote them out.... on her invitation he wrote her christian name instead of mum and she went beserk - since she received it she has complained bitterly and accused me of doing it to upset her. (My brother has not called her mum for 20 years and always refers to her by her first name),
Today she said to me that when she received the invitation she had a good mind to rip it up throw it away and say enjoy your wedding im not coming...... and all because it didnt say mum??/ I have had enough of her and today I could have done her some serious damage! When she left my house I decided that enough was enough. I suffer from low self esteem and depression which councellors have told me are because of the way she has treated me and I just cannot allow her to ruin one more day of my precious life. I am on diazepam and have panic attacks and its all because of the way she has treated me. I start hyperventilating when I see her car on the drive sometimes.
I would like her to rot to be blunt as she is the most miserable cow in existance, my children dont like her and people walk the other way when they see her coming.
I feel so much better for getting this off my chest! thank you for reading.... xxxxx

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by lewiejay, Feb 25, 2011
i cried when i read these posts,like myself it is so sad what everyone has had to endure through their life
ive still kept away from my mother,the more i do the stronger i get dont get me wrong there are times when
as the type of person i am there always that feeling sorry for her,but then i remember everything that she put me through
step back and think i cant do it anymore,she contacted me with a letter that i ignored and i have not heard from her since.
everyone deserves to be loved in life,not scarred with the hurt and abuse by someone a mother who was supposed to nurture and care for their children.
as long as everyone understands that what they went through was not their fault but the failing of a parent who should have being doing what a loving parent are ment to do as make you feel loved,cared for and confident.
mothers who are non loving, full of hate and which seems jealous of their children are simply not worth the bother
its hurtful yearning a mothers love,but if theres nothing there walk away and be proud.
you all like myself deserve closure to able to spend the rest of your lives in happiness and put the hurtful past in the past where it belongs.

I am 47 years old and I have been dealing with the most uneducated, lazy minded, no goal setting mother all my life.  My grandmother raised me and my brother, my mother smoked weed, drank "highballs" and even used to take me to taverns when I was a little girl.  She left us home alone when she went out drinking, smoking and partying.  I resented her for not wanting to work or go to school so she could accept food stamps and other governmental assistance.  She is angry at me and my brother because we both live far away from her. In spite of all the hardships families are facing, my borther's daughter graduated from college last year, he and his wife's kids are all college graduates, I am gainfully employed, well educated (1 undergraduate degree, 2 post grad degrees) and happy, my daughter is attending college and my son will enter college in the fall.  We all work very hard working, going to school, but my mother has nothing positive to say about any of us.  She hates my brother's wife, she hates my fiance, she complained when my daughter had an oppotunity to go to Rome last year (the terrorist are going to kill her), my kids will both be attending a 4 yr university about 500 miles away, but let my mom tell it I am pushing them out of my life, because when they leave I will no longer need a 4 BR/2BA home with almost 3000 sq ft, and I want to downsize/minimize my life expences. Granted I have been running the rat race by raising my kids without the benefit of their dad (who by the way just got out of jail and has not done much of anything to help his kids transition to young adulthood) but who in my mother's eyes is as grand as Jesus, she gave him a birthday present (he who cheated on me, left his family  when my son was 10 days old, spent 2 years in federal prison, gets out of jail and marries a woman, his 4th wife who he knew for 2 months who has  4kids/4 dads) and my mother tells me she should have thrown me in the trash when I was born.  
I honestly wish I would never have to see her again, I really don't want to say what's really on my mind but it will be a great relief to not have to see or hear from her again.

Avatar universal
by mv1521, Mar 17, 2011
I have been trying to figure out if my mother has some sort of mental disorder. She is a very mean, jelous, hateful,spiteful person. Her older sister, which raised her from the time she was eight had the same personality. I don't know if she learned this behavior from her or if its something that runs in the family. My grandparents have both died so I don't know how they were. I am 43 yrs. old and I am afraid to become my mother, if its something thats hereditary. So far I don't think I am. I have asked my husband and kids to let me know if I become like her. I am the youngest and only daughter and I am pretty much the only one of her kids that visit her often. Now the teenage and adult grandchildren don't like to be around her, because she is so critical of everyone and everything. For example, I have three kids my son is the oldest he is in his third yr in college and is doing very well, when he asks me for money (as many college kids do) and its usually like $50 a month, my mother says why does he want money for his rent and food are paid for....I think he has a drug problem. My middle child (a daughter ) is a senior in high school and is a good kid, but my mother pretty much hates her, she will tell her that she does'nt like her hair or make-up she is just so insulting towards her. My youngest child though she does'nt insult, but she acuses me of mistreating her and not giving her the same as I do for my other children. Which is not true at all, if anything I feel like I became a better parent by the time my third child came along. What is really wierd about all of this is she compares my oldest daughter to one of her sisters which she claims my grandmother preferred and always defended and she compares herself to my youngest daughter. I believe thats why she is so hateful to my oldest daughter, but I can't explain why she is hateful towards anyone else. My mother has had this behavior as long as I can remember, but has gotten worse. She is 74 yrs. old now, but 8 yrs. ago she  accused my father of having an afair with a co-worker 30 yrs his junior. She found the woman's phone number in his pocket, but my father would comute to work with her and her husband so of course he had thier phone number. It was just unfortunate that the paper only had her name on it, but it was thier home phone number. Also where they all worked was my brother's company, so if my dad was going to have an affair, I think that would be the last place he would do that. My mother then became physically abusive towards my father. She became even more of an angry person, she would call me all the time to complain about my father. Then she started giving me explicit details of how he was with this other woman and she did not care who was listening. Sometimes I would take her to my kids games or shopping things she use to enjoy, but that would not stop her from complaining about him and ruining the day. When I would try and convince her that my dad was only friends with this woman she then turned on me and started saying I was on his side and that I was at fault for him having an affair because when I was little I would not let them have a good sex life because I would always sleep in thier bed.She then put a tape recorder in my father's car, and she claimed to have a conversation between my husband and my father checking out some woman as they were driving, it turned out they were talking about donuts, my dad was reminisen about when he used to work at a bakery as a teenager and how good those donuts were. But my mom said they were talking about how good these woman were, so she then started trying to make me believe that my husband was having an affair to. Every time she hears a situation about someone having an affair she some how puts herself in it (in her mind). My brother divorced his first wife and re-married 2 yrs later to a younger woman. She was not the cause of his divorce and he did not  know her when he divorced. But my mother hates her because she puts herself in that situation, its almost as if she thinks my brother is her husband and his wife is that other woman, that my father was supposedly having an affair with. When my kids were little and my husband and I would go out we would have her babysit, she would tell the kids we were'nt ever coming back, and she would have the children call us and call us until we would just hurry back. It was almost as though she did'nt want me and my husband to have a good relationship. She loves it if she finds out my husband and I have had an argument. She wants us all to be miserable like her.

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by aprilangel, Mar 18, 2011
Where do I begin? I started to realize my genetic mother did not like me and even hated me when I was just a little girl....she would force me to wear unmatching clothes to school and would never fix my hair or brush it, and she never taught us hygiene or how to wash behind our ears or how to bathe or was like ''teach yourself everything'' i always felt so bad and hated and contaminated around her..she was always talking bad about someone my whole life...turning each family member against each other because SHE had to be the source of all of the attention.....anytime you would try to ''talk with her about yourself so you could try in vain to bond with her, you were quickly shot down with stories relating to finally started to realize she did not care....I got made fun of at school all of the time to the point where I would dread school. I would cry about this all the time and she would never care or show any sympathy. She would wake me up every morning and set out my disgusting outfit and then spank the %^$# out of me if I knew i would get made  fun of and not want to wear it. My hair was very fine and long and thick and would always be in a tangled mess....i would try to get it out the best i could on my own .. i would always be the one to clean the house and try to '' erase the filthiness of her nastiness'' she is so disgusting and gross...i cant even speak of the filth i have seen her live in and what we had to witness growing up...all of us kids are always making sure our houses are clean because of this..she is also a hoarder..she would punish me for cleaning and always accuse me of ''stealing her kitchenware or plastic bags or plastic bowels...''.i am also the oldest in my family and i have a younger brother who has been the ''golden boy'' also and a younger baby sister brother HATED my little sister growing up and would bully her so bad she has panic attacks to this day and post traumatic stress( i would try to protect her as much as i could).. he even attacked me a few times it did not help that my mother was telling my brother to spank my sister and be the dad role after my father passed..but he was doing this to her even before then...i think he is like my genetic mother also and bi-polar...  I stopped talking to my genetic mom a few years ago...and she ''punished me'' by alienating me from the entire family...honestly she has unconsciously BLESSED ME by doing this! She uses them all as her PUPPETS ''give me messages'' and try to bully me .....she has no clue how to control me anymore...i went to school against her wishes, got my certification in surgical technology and made the honor roll....oh she hated that...too  much competition!!! I finally realized not having her approval was actually a good thing and got wise to all her tactics. These women are MASTERS of psychological warfare and will do anything to torment you or others that get in theyre way...STAY AWAY from them! They will NOT change and they have no heart inside theyre chest. They are black widows..they will ''act a certain way around you'' that is torturous and makes you want to scream in horror and pain and then turn right around and act ''different, innocent and dumb blond'' around someone else to make you look like ''you are the one who is imagining things'' My poor father died over ten years ago and he was my last protection i had from her...she took full advantage of me after he divorced her because he could not take it anymore...i just found out from my aunt who is ten years older than my genetic mom that they're genetic mom WAS THE SAME WAY to her ( my aunt my aunt does not have these types  of behaviors..)....i have done research on this and im also taking a psychcology class to go on my theories that this is a genetic/hereditary disorder and there is a problem with the neurotransmitters that connect in the brain with these types of ''people''.. they dont connect right inside the brain..{ i thought this before i did my research and IRONICALLY the Doctors in these studies proved my theory to be correct} dont be afraid to look it up yourself..knowledge is GETTING your SELF ESTEEM BACK.....this is not our fault and these women should have been put in insane asylums a long time before they started having children. Our society does not have many helpful ways to deal with this and it leaves so many hurt, abused children in the dark , feeling gulity and repressed. Its time this country stops ''hiding these actions from these so called mothers'' and takes a stand!  I am not referring to the nurturing types of mothers who are actually loving...they are the ones who deserve Mothers Day...But I have made it this far and I am proud of everyone who gets away from this toxicness and realizes that they do not have to put up with that anymore...since cutting contact i am so much more happier and alot of my nervousness has gone self esteem is coming back alot...i used to hypervenilate and start sweating and my heart would beat alot faster when my geneteic mom would come around me...i would go into ''protection mode'' fight or flight'' as your body will tell you that this is not a good person to be sister does not fully see how crazy my genetic mom is because shes still trying to get apprroval from her and is in denial because its hard to deal with but im slowly giving her tidbits of info to hopefully free her one day...sigh i keep my fingers crossed. Lastly, hugs to all of the people who know what my situation has been like i hope you gain even more knowledge from reading my post.....on how to deal with this.. :)  feel free to leave me comments or is the best way to get thru this from others who have gone thru similiar situations..

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by lewiejay, Mar 19, 2011
Hi aprilanagel,i really feel for you your mother has put you through hell and back but you got to always remember that you are the better person and always will be.
i dont know if my mother has a mental ilness,or is just a spiteful,jealous nasty piece of work who has made my life an utter misery.
i have now not spoke to my mother for months and i want to leave it that way,she may have gave me life but through it with her she has done her best to beat me,put me down and make me feel worthless.
when i was about 10 years old i used to wish that someone would adopt me and i would look at the planes in the sky and wish that i was on one going to america to go and live with my lovely uncle and aunt,i just think i dreamed my life away as it helped me cope.
i wrote poems and stories to help with reality,nothing in her eyes what i did was ever good for her,i resemble my father who she split up years ago and has never forgiven and that really eats in to her,she made sure that he stayed away and i have never met him although he lives in the same town
your mother like my mother were put on this planet to love and take care of us,not put us through mental torture and anguish.
i have seen myself in such a state that i felt i was losing my mind and on the verge of a nervous breakdown
and had to go and see a councillor
my confidence through the years had always been low,remembering the mental scars from my childhood
but now with my partner and two beautiful children who i love with all my heart and soul,i am starting to put the past in the past where it belongs,without having any guilt.
nobody needs approval of a mother if she has shown nothing but contempt through the years
they dont deserve to have a daughter or sons love if they cannot give the same love and respect back.
feel free and stay free,you like everyone on this page deserve to live their life the way they want surrounded by the people you love and love you back,not ever wasting time on lost causes who should be hanging their head in shame for their horrendous parenting.
you sound and look like a lovely person,too good for the nasty negative people
so hold your head high,and get your confidence back it might take a while but as long as you know that the pain you had felt through the tough times and you have got through it,now things one step at a time can only get better.
i still get my bad days,but just knowing i have cut her from my life and she cant get to me it makes life better.
even if your mum is trying to get to you through others,just ignore and state your not interested and act if you dont care.
people like our mothers thrive on hate and misery and want to see veryone that way,if she knows you are getting on and doing good and dont need her,maybe that will make her realise she is losing her mind game battle.
so chin up and take care,we only get one shot of this life so lets make the most of it by dispersing the misery and bringing on the love,care compassion and fun with the people who love us.

Avatar universal
by NJCAT, Apr 11, 2011
Wow...stumbled upon this site out of frustration today because i have had it myself with my self-centered, nasty, bitter, hateful, jealous, OCD and Phobia-filled mom...who has driven me nuts (silently) my whole life...i'm 42 years old and i have just totally had it with her...and i feel sorry for her sometimes as she watched her whole life pass her friends...and the few people that talk to her (like myself and my brother) she manages to alienate...she's just not nice and turns it on everyone else...its everyone else, she is a sane person in an insane world...and yet, i still love her and wish that we could have a normal mother/daughter relationship like several of my frends have with their mother's have...she loves to put me down in front of my friends, my own children, my neighbors...calls and screams at me at work-enough that my boss has heard her through the receivor...but it feels good to know that there are others out there who are in the same boat....that i shouldn't feel guilty for doing everything for my children, going to work every day, keeping my home clean, my husband happy, my kids happy...everything that i do she makes fun of...she never worked (and she should have - she is just above poverty level-my 45 year old brother still lives with her because she has him convinced he can't make it without her)...her house is a mess, she never let us sign up for gymnastics, baseball, etc., as she said she had no money (but had money for her self for the Clinique counter and clothing)...and thinks we don't remember this?  She is selfish, and my father left her when i was 7...i am 42 now...and have been with my husband since i'm 18...our oldest is almost finished with college and our youngest in middle school...and we are at the happiest we have ever been, still young and able to travel and do things...and my mother puts me down for that...hates that were friends have said for years that my mother is jealous of me, i never beleived it until finding this could a mother be so hateful??????????  I don't get it...i love my kids to death and would never hurt them, or put them down...i'm nothing but so fond and proud of them...and i just don't understand and i try to be good with her but its never enough...she doesn't like to travel, she can't be far from her own bathroom, i could go on forever...and she puts me down for going on vacation, for going to work, for raising to great kids, for enjoying my marriage, for cleaning my home, for cooking meals from scratch 5 nights a week...and its like all the above before me...she really is jealous...and i didn't need to pay a shrink to tell me glad to hear from all of you here....i feel better about myself already...and like someone else that said before  - puts you down...i have worked out for 25 years consistantly, took care of myself, and she puts me down she told me i was an ugly, hateful, misreable woman who no one likes....meanwhile i have 7 best friends and countless other close friends, everyone in the family speaks to me, and to think, that when i called her today to ask her if she would like me to cook for Palm Sunday she said i don't care what you can't even offer things, she's just nasty...thank God i found you can relate.  Thank you.                    

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by pkbindy, Apr 15, 2011
I finally got some peace and freedom from reading two books. 'Boundaries' by Townsend and Cloud, and 'Surviving a Borderline Parent' (don't remember the author).  Awesome eye-openers.  When I started dating my now-husband (after my husband of 24 years left for a younger woman, and being single for 4 years, finishing school, getting a job, helping heal my children), my mom said, "This means you'll have less time to spend with me," and, "I don't have to meet him do I?"  When I arranged a Mother's Day outing for her, my daughter and myself, her response was (in a snotty tone), "Are you sure you have time for this?"  I stopped calling her.  The last year has been wonderful.  My new husband is wonderful, he adores my kids and they adore him.  We are happy and I am surrounded by emotionally healthy and supportive people now.

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by diggyty, May 06, 2011
WOW.....there is actually someone else who has MY MOTHER...are we related? I always new I was not the only one with such a wonderful MOTHER, I gave up a long time ago, although, I still have it in the back of my mind (HOPE) she'll turn around and look at 80 years old?.... I think not!'s Nasty in- Nasty Out....what a waste...

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by najla255, May 20, 2011
You should not hate her. I understand she must be a terrible woman but God himself said that the only time you should  truly hate your mother is if she forces you to not practice your religion. Of course she is a terrible mother and so you should get her a sycholagist and remember to treat her the best you can you dont want to be like her do you be as nice as you can and God will reward you for it always continue on praying for her and never stop you must beleive that God will help her for it to be true. Your mother might have been going through a horrible child hood for her to treat YOU like this she might not have been treated any better than you and having to raise her children without a husband is tough and stressful. Although i beleive she is not really an ideal mother you have to pray for her and wait.
May God be with you.

Avatar universal
by Neezie, May 29, 2011
I feel so connected to all these comments above like they have been written by my brothers or sisters!  I am 46 and have had 46 years believing it was me. My elder brother chose to live on the other side of the world from our mother and has no contact with her whatsoever. Another brother "The Golden Child" lives 2 hours away from her but is weak and is manipulated by her and I the youngest (the daughter of the Narcisstic mother) lives round the corner from her.  I was married to a carbon copy of her - who promised to love and adore me but with conditions - and I survived a horrendous divorce from him.  I have 3 wonderful children who I love and adore with no conditions and vica versa and am totally committed to them.  My mother is a nasty, bitter, manipulative woman with a constant twisted look on her face.  I am petrified of her and find absolute solace being able to write this comment now.  She is jealous of me and my relationship with my children.  All my life she manipulated me into believing my father was a bad man and that he was treating her so badly. Growing up I would witness my parents arguments, screaming and shouting and she was always throwing herself on the floor or on the beds and screaming as if he was murdering her when he never came near her except to wave his finger in her face.  She is the number one Drama Queen even studying drama before she married him!  As a child I was forbidden to speak to my father as she expected me to be loyal to her and speaking to him would be going against her.  He is not with us anymore and I can only go to his graveside and ask for forgiveness in not being aware of the real situation that was happening then.  During the last few years we have had low or no contact and as the situation stands right now we have no contact at all.  My adult daughter is concerned that when my mother has gone we will be riddled with guilt so she attempted at making contact with her last week.  My mother was ofcourse delighted at this gesture but is not willing to speak to me.  This inevitably causes friction between my daughter and I although she knows my mother is a first class *****.  My daughter is now confused about what to do.  I can not believe that I am living this nightmare.  Why did it happen to me?  Why have my other girlfriends got lovely mums.  I have another friend with the same nightmare who I am just about to forward this website too.  My awakening of this narcisstic mother phenomena was the discovery of the website  This made me understand that I am not alone...

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by mojo321, Jun 15, 2011
It is nice to know that I am not alone too. I dislike my mother intensely too. She never abused me physically but I hate how unfairly she treats me. She adores my brother and struggled for my dad's affection. But my dad being a male chauvinist is rather selfish himself. My mum was raised to be the caretaker for all her siblings and though she made alot of sacrifices for them, they were often not appreciative. My mum became very bitter because she felt that she sacrificed alot for others but was never treated fairly in the end. She then directs all the bitterness to my direction. As a kid, I tried very hard to please her but always failing. I had excellent school grades, never give her any problems, did well in my job, and still I has the one she vented on whenever life displeased her. My sister left home and went away to work and married overseas just to get away from her.

The day I decided that my mum will no longer make me feel bad for her own inadequacies, I felt much better and more liberated. I do not hesitate to tell my mum now that she is the real looser and not me. I have my success to back me up and she is nothing but a deranged old lady. I even warned her that I will leave her to my brother's care if she continues to be such a pain. My brother is a total *** because she raised him to be a spoilt selfish fool and my mom knows it.  That will put her in her place for a few days. She cannot help being a dysfunctional bitter old fool because she really doesn't know how to be better and she is not trying anyway.

My mother has no power over my well being anymore. In fact, I do not hesitate to tell her off the consequence for her if she pisses me off enough. I will avoid her and leave her to my brother who she loves more anyway. I still get very annoyed when I see her pandering to my brother and dad and they take her totally for granted and yet, she cannot wait to load me with all the burden she has because of them. I walk away alot and that drives her nuts.

I know I cannot change my mother, I can only change my reaction to her nonsensical behavior and not spoil her or give her any power over me. Not needing her approval anymore is really the best step to taking most of the power she has over me back.

I would love to have a caring, sweet and encouraging mother. But since I don't, I look at the positive side of all this. If I had a really nice mother and I lost her (which most of us will eventually face --death of our parent), I will be so sad and devastated. But having a mum like mine, her death in due time would be only a release, comfort and relieve for me. There is always a good side even to a bad thing.

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by NatNat2, Jun 17, 2011
My goodness, it is overwhelming to read all of your stories.

I’m 39, my mother is 60 and I’ve been living with her and my step-dad for the last year after I lost my job.  I’m single with no children and have devoted most of my adult life to my career, so being unemployed, losing everything and moving from the city back to my hometown after 20 years has been totally devastating to me.  I’ve had my share of dark days during this time, but I work very hard to stay positive. I understand this is the key to survival.

The first thing I noticed after living with her for a few months was that she is totally isolated – no friends, no social activity at all.  Her day is filled with chain smoking and popping Bendryl while watching TV for hours and hours, running to the grocery store for wine and food, then back home to the TV, then she drinks and takes sleeping pills, reads for a few hours and then falls asleep (passes out, more likely). Everything she does is to numb herself.

If any of you have ever been around an addict, you know the extraordinary breadth of excuses that they use to justify their behavior. She never socializes b/c she’s paranoid of running in to my birth father’s family. They accost her and make her feel bad, apparently, since I have no relationship with any of them and have never met my real father. She can’t quit smoking b/c she’s under so much stress it would aggravate and worsen her stomach/allergy/gall bladder/blood pressure/thyroid problems.  She drinks $250 bottles of wine b/c she needs to manage her stress. She takes sleeping pills so she won’t dream b/c she has chronic nightmares. She won’t see a therapist b/c they are just trying to milk her for money. She won’t walk around the block for exercise b/c it’s too dangerous (they live in a upper-middle class cul-de-sac). She's estranged from her Father b/c he started dating after my grandmother died, which just justifies her claim that he always treated both her and my mother poorly and without respect. Basically, she is a perpetual victim. To my surprise, I’ve found this suits my Dad just fine. He’s a perpetual rescuer.

A recent business deal that my Dad was involved with has left them with a stable, but not particularly lucrative, retirement plan and this seemed to spark in her the deepest level of bitterness and resentment I’ve ever seen. When she does speak, it’s only to scoff or belittle in the most cynical way. She railroads ALL topics back to money – more specifically, how she can never have anything nice enough or go anywhere nice enough. If you saw the inside of this women’s house, closet or jewelry cabinet you would laugh at the absurdity. Especially since she just returned from a $3000 a week beach vacation.

That being said, her more recent behavior is starting to negatively affect me and I don’t know how to handle it. More importantly, I am incredibly worried about her. Her words and attitude are so cutting and bitter that I’m just in shock by the things she says. I find it increasingly difficult to keep my own positive outlook in check. I’m worried that she’ll get stuck this way. And I’m worried that if I can’t deal with her ****, that I’ll too easily slip in to a depression since I’m in the midst of the darkest time of my own life.  I have no health insurance, so I don’t have a psychologist on the back burner ready to step in if need be.

I need some practical advice on how to deal with this. My instinct is to avoid her – which has worked ok, but I can only stay alone in my room for so many days at a time before I start to come unraveled myself. My support system of friends are 800 miles away in the city and I am just totally lost and at my wits end. I honestly just cannot handle her on top of everything else. Life is too short.

Avatar universal
by sharpnbold, Jun 18, 2011
I hate my mother. She's a hateful, miserable slag.

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by KeeblerElf84, Jun 20, 2011
I too have a hateful spiteful nasty Mother or as I like to call her my Egg donor. She was never "Motherly" growing up. I am 27 years old now. I have a 4 year old daughter that I love more than life itself. Recently I've been going through a really hard time. I tried to lean on my Mother for advice and support, however she lashed out at me instead while calling me names and telling me never to talk to her again. It is impossible for me to ever do right in her eyes. She hates my boyfriends, puts me down, takes very little interest in my daughters life, basically tells me I will never fix my life because I have ruined it by having my daughter at age 23. My daughters father (my fiance) is currently in prison for violation of his probation...and she holds everything he's done agasint me as well. She calls me stupid for standing by him and being supportive. I started going back to college 2 weeks ago and have been working really hard to pass all my classes, She tells me I won't make it through to be a nurse and I may as well accept myself as a failure already. She didn't even come to the hospital when i had my daughter until 3 days afterward. I went into premature labor at 7 months and I am lucky to even be alive today. She knew I was very sick during my pregnancy while I still held down 2 jobs to scrape by...I almost died having my daughter not to mention it's a miracle she survived as well. She was 3 lbs at birth and she's never even held or babysat her still til this day. She doesn't ever call me unless it has something to do with cats...since she rescues cats and owns 13 of them. She spends thousands of dollars montly on her precious cats but yet cannot give my daughter and I a roof or any sort of help when we need it. I have only asked for help from her 1 time and she holds that against me claiming I didn't appreciate it and she won't ever do it again. She begged me to have an abortion when i first found out I was pregnant. She basically resents me for having my daughter. Growing up she married my step father who was abusive and she never took part in my school functions as a kid and her mothering me or my sister was non existent. She told me yesterday she wants to be rid of me. I just don't understand her. My father died 3 years ago and she claims he raped her and that's how I was born. She didn't even put his name on my birth certificate. I know my Dad did not rape her. There are too many people who I run into all the time who tell me countless stories about how they used to hang out with both my parents when they lived together and were obviously in a relationship. I also have pitures of them together. I cannot stand her lies and they are very hurtful. She looks down on my Dad and talks nasty about him still after his passing. She showed little emotion after his passing and told me to get over it already shortly after his passing. My sister even tells me she remembers my Mother leaving us locked up by ourselves in her and my dads apartment at toddler age while she went and had fun or did whatever she wanted. She obviously never wanted to be a parent which brings me to ask myself why she even had children in the first place. I've tried many times to get her to open up to me...and it is like talking to a brick wall. She will buy me clothes but yet she will not come see me or my daughter....she divorced my step father when i was 14 and quickly married another one. Thank God he is actually a nice guy who doesn't abuse her or us. Actually it's the other way around now...she shows no affection to my new step father...everyone can tell that she is only with him for his money. She shows very to little care for him as well. I don't understand how she can refer to my ex step father as abusive and hurtful...but yet she has turned out to be just like him. Why does she hate me? I will never understand her or do right in her eyes. The list of hurtful vindictive things goes on and on. I have been out of her house since I graduated high school. I pay for my own my daughter on my own....and she still can't give me any respect. I pray and pray for her and she shows little to no change at all. If I confront her even in the very nicest way on her issues to find out why she does the things she does....she only points the finger at me and shows her hatered for me by saying more mean spiteful things. Girlfriend....your story is no stranger to me. I can totally relate. My mother is the most selfish person I've ever met and I am so glad I am not like her nor will I ever treat my daughter or other people this way. I am glad I found your gives me comfort knowing I am not alone. Just keep your head up and take it a day at a time. The Serenity Prayer comes to my head everytime I think of my Mother. Just take it a day at a time....that's all we can do.


Avatar universal
by NotFeelingGuilty, Jul 02, 2011
Amazing that this thread was started over three years ago and just keeps going.  I'm not posting my own horror story yet, but I will say that I appreciate everybody's stories on this board.  My mother is pretty mean in her own right and has destroyed relationships with her parents, siblings, husbands, and me.  I used to feel really guilty about it, that maybe there was something wrong with me.  But I finally came to the realization that I had done what I could to keep the relationship going, but she wouldn't have any of that.  My wife despises her, and my wife's the nicest person I've ever met.  But thank you to all for posting.  These posts have made me feel less alone and I realize that a lot of people have gone through what I have--and worse, for that matter.

Somebody said that these mothers are "energy vampires".  I couldn't agree more!

Avatar universal
by locaentx, Jul 14, 2011
After reading all of these comments ,its like there is really people out there that can make the name Mom,or Mother not a good thing ?. My story is this my mother is bitter ,hateful and she cant stand for anyone to be happy or she will find the negative in it . I felt bad for her for a long time ,due tro she lost 3 children ,one from cancer ,one was still born and one of double pnemonia .I was the only one left from the first batch she had and during those years she was with an abuser ,alcoholic,and cheater .Then after my brother died it was just me and her .I thought she was going to leave my dad but OH no she stayed with him and had 2 more children even though he cheated on her during the time my brother was dying and the lady came to confront her . So lets fast forward 34 years ,now my dad has not hit in these years ,he has been sober for 4 and he is the best grandfather,great grandfather in the world .The problem is she cant forget what he did to her and not only that she cant stand for him to help us in any way kids,grandkids,or greatgrandchildren .I have tried to talk to her and she wont listen .
All I can say is that we have to pray for our mothers if they are abusive in any way then stay away from them . I call my mother about 3 times a year which she lives only 15 min away from me . As an adult I wont repeat her cycle and that is something we should all do soone day this wont happen to anyone of our next generation .God bless you all and he is the only one that can fil the mother void  

1248826 tn?1270460657
by lewiejay, Jul 18, 2011
i have made the mistake of speaking to my mother after 6months as i gave in to her plea's to go and see her i thought i could be stronger but i folded,now i wish i hadent.
it was ok at first,her trying to be nice,but now evertime i phone her i come of the phone depressed,its all about her and how unhappy her life is and how she is stuck in her home and all her health problems'which are exaggereted'i suggest she gets out and about but she refuses,she talks about the neighbours and brings up the past and how she is the victim as always,but forgets what she put my siblings and i through,she is in self denial constantly,she does no wrong.

i phoned her today and all she went on about my sister and her family'who never spoke to her for years'in how great they are, with no mention of my family as if she was trying to make me jealous,which in no way i would be i have no problem with my sister,other times she puts her down and i stick up for her and you can hear the resentment in her voice as she wants to play everyone against each other.
my stomach is churned with her over the years,she makes no effort to help herself and puts a stop to anyones suggestions,its like hitting your head agianst a brick wall.
although my gran who has been dead for over 3 years,my mother still go's on about how she did this and that for my gran forgetting others like myself or my grans neighbour who helped her also.
she still moans and puts my gran down who was lovely.
she also put down my grans neighbour who is also a friend of mine every time she can,my grans neighbour would help with her shopping and made her breakfast and dinner and was very good to her yet my own mother would go up to see my gran once in a blue moon,then cast up everthing she done for her.
my mother is a manipulater,like to manipulate everyone,but does not care much for others feelings she has caused a lot of trouble through the years and is only happy when everyone is unhappy.
i cant bring myself to visit her and all her negative energy she spills out,ive told her im not on a phoneline or have a mobile because i had to cut of landline before,she has offered me a mobile phone so she can get in touch and says she wont phone all the time,i took it before and ended up getting pestered all the time,with her moaning and nastiness,that was the last time 6 months ago,i dont have any soloutions in how to deal with her anymore, feel if im here as a battering ram for all her problems,she forgots that other people have problems themselves.
she is like a jeykal and hyde character,i still have nighmares about her and they scared me,sounds stupid coming from a 44 year old woman but that the way she has got me over the years,now although i feel more of a person things always come back to haunt me,like when she threw a fork at me when i was 11 years old and it stuck in my neck or the beatings and name calling,i feel for everyone of you on here,you have all went through so much.
i dont know why i still speak,its like out of duty but i think the next falling out will be the end of the realtionship once and for all,i feel angry for folding:(
the other week i bought the books a ' a child called it' and 'the lost boy' by david pelzer and to read what he went through made me cry so much,there are all types of abuse that most of us have experienced and should never have had to but we have,but i hope we can all try and come out a bit stronger.

Avatar universal
by DillyN, Jul 19, 2011
I cannot thank you all enough, i truly thought my mother was the only 'one'.  If any of you have read the Harry Potter books her grand-children describe her as a dementor, sucking all the good out of life.  

I recently remarried and am finally happy and loved for the first time since my grandparents died.  My mother is so bitter and twisted that she is still on day one from when my father 'left' her 35 years ago.  In fact I have had intensive counselling over a period of 6 months about my relationship with both my parents, at the end of the time my therapist said, 'it's so sad, you are an orphan whose parents are still alive'.  I actually found great comfort in this, I was finally able to distance myself from both of them, one violent, the other bitter and nasty.  My new husband is my joy and we now have a beautiful family of 5 children (24, 22, 21,19 and 16) with our first grandchild on the way.  I WILL NEVER be like my own mother, so be strong - don't let these evil women (and men) dictate your lives.  Love is out there, and as the saying goes 'anyone can be a mother, but it takes real love to be a mum'.

Avatar universal
by maizie22, Jul 19, 2011
I can relate......I am the middle of 5 kids, I have an older 1/2 brother, a sister on each side and a younger brother....My history with my mother is this, in a nutshell........
Mom married at 16, in 1952.....she was divorced (gasp) with a young son in 1956.  She finds a nice man from a respected family and latches on, marries him and has 4 kids in 6 years with this man (my dad) to secure her future.  If she could have had my older sister and younger brother alone, she would have been a tolerable miserable.  But, as she says "birth control wasnt like it is now, back then" so she had me and another girl between her two most prized sister and I were just a way to get to THE prize..a SON...this meant she could stop being a brood mare.
I inherited my maternal grandmothers hideous asthma.  Adolescent onset that has grown progressively worse.  When I was in high school, I would have blue nailbeds and purple lips....BUT BY GOD....those dishes had to be done. I had to sit in a chair to dry dishes because I didnt have the strength to stand.  Then the verbal abuse and comments.  Its about the same as all the previous stories so I wont bore you dad was a smaller part of this relationship but he ran his mouth too.  
I turned 50 this 'status conscious' mother found a mealticket after dad died.  She has a big, fancy house and  a big fancy car.....and a nasty, mean and hateful housemate.  This ******* turned on me (for no reason I am aware of).. verbally abusive and insulting.  A light went on in my head as I told my mother "If he comes to my house, I will call the police.....If you have family gatherings, have a good time..I wont be there.....I will not be treated that way by him"  She called a few days later and said this man could do 'that electrical job' I was needing done.  I said I would hire somebody.  SHe got pissy and said "electricians are cheap" its ok to treat me that way and just get over it...but then again, SHE why not somebody else?  No....I am done.  Shes been sweet as pie trying to work back in and patch things up....No......I am done.....and she can remove her *** to her personal address in hell.  This is MY house.

Avatar universal
by lucyloo447, Aug 14, 2011
This is the first time I have ever read anything like this!! I have always felt so alone carrying the hurt of an unloving nasty, bitter mother who cannot get on with anyone.....she has successfully split the whole family. My parents migrated to another country before I was born ( she didn't get on with my fathers family) so I never knew my relatives. Growing up alone having to balance three cultures ( they wouldn't accept the new culture they lived in) and a father who was a fanatical christian who felt sorry for my orphaned mother, that's why he married her because he believed it would give him a first class ticket to heaven. These two people thought they were fit to be parents and even wanted at least 6 children!! I think God somehow intervened, they had six children but only two survived the lucky ones are in heaven already. I was the eldest and only child for 8 years before my sister came along. I remember most of that time being alone, playing alone with my dog and never going near the house unless it was lunch or dinner time. My schooling was a nightmare, kids were always teasing me probably because i was different( not blonde and blue eyed)  I never felt that I could tell my parents what was going on in my life so i kept quiet. Even though i was brought up a christian there was no love in our household, my parents to this day (I am 52) have never said they loved me nor did they ever acknowledge me as a person with feelings, my mother would lie to him about me so that i would get a beating, i am sure that he beat me out of frustration with her at times. Sometimes she would have to stop him because he would go too far and she would feel remorse but she would never show that remorse to me. Eventually my father gave up and allowed her to get the upper hand, she wore him down with her complaining and constant debt. By the age of 10 i had created stomach ulcers and my father became more distant and religious, he preached to me about the fires of hell and that life was all about suffering there was no mention of a loving or compassionate God. He would point out the starving children on television and make me feel guilty for my life and as if it were my fault. By the time I was in high school they had both done quite a bit of emotional and physical damage. They took away the things I loved that had meaning for me as punishment and I never saw them again. My mother lied and accused me of everything she could think of, they ruined any friendships I had and poisoned the people I loved against me. My mother used me as her personal whipping pole and off loaded all her problems on to me, no matter what I did to help her it was never good enough. I never felt loved or worthy of anything, by this time they had adopted 2 boys, ( another ticket to heaven) this was a big mistake, i loved them as my own even though my parents thought more of them than me. My sister and my first brother were treated differently than me, I don't remember them being punished as I was. My parents had such insurmountable expectations of me that i could never reach. When i was sixteen I fell in love and for the first time felt love back but it was not to last as my mother put a stop to that, after this and many other hurtful situations that i was blamed for but never did i left home. My mother told every person that I loved dearly what a bad and terrible person i was    
so I was alone and shortly after, my family moved 2000 kilometers away without telling me, this was my fault as well because they couldn't hold their heads up, later I was told the real reason that they moved was because they could no longer afford the house payments (too much debt) and wanted to go to a warmer climate. I ended up having a child at 18 and my mother sent me a card saying " I hope he gives you more happiness than you ever gave us", ( by the way I believe I look like my fathers mother who she hates). My mother had more ammunition now and could tell everyone how rotten I was especially to the church congregation. I had no choice in the end but to follow my parents and face the people at church because one condition of coming home was I had to attend church every Sunday, I also had to attend a youth church group where I was further humiliated because I was a single mother. My father would not stop preaching to me and my mother would not stop off loading and complaining about everyone and everything, you see my nature was to listen I never got a word in edge wise. Another condition was that I meet and marry a man from our church, I did meet a man and marry him eventually. They kicked me out of the house one day purely because I went camping with the youth group and could not go to confession!!! Stupid me thought all this was my fault so again and again I went back for more of the same. I even made my husband bow to their will simply to keep the peace, he tried to tell me that it was not normal but I wouldn't listen. What i write here is just the icing on the cake but I would have to write a book and i haven't got time for that. The first wake up call was when I found that after a car accident I could no longer travel in a car without terrible panic attacks, I couldn't drive either so I was house bound more or less, my parents would visit every few days or so and my father would preach to me about hell and my mother would off load all medical ills and there were many etc. I would as usual sit and listen taking it all on board. I developed more panic and lost a lot of weight due to a feeling of a lump in my throat, I could not eat, sleep or go out. I went from one therapist after another to no avail however one did tell me to go and visit my parents and speak to them, bring it out into the open!! Yeah, right easier said than done. Eventually i decided to pluck up the courage, my husband went with me, we arrived and I tried to say something but nothing came out, my head was screaming....tell them YOU LOVE them, but I froze..... the words would not come out, so we left, of coarse they were too full of themselves to even notice that it was a week day and my husband should have been at work!! ( Lucky no one died....) So a few weeks later i decided to ask my father to come visit, he never went anywhere without my mother but I thought that I could get a word in easier with him, to my surprise he agreed. Eight hours and 40 cigarettes later I still hadn't got through to him. I explained that I needed a Dad a Dad that would show interest in me and his grandchildren and would stop preaching about hell and the end of the world because I could not get past the fear it was causing me, I couldn't live like this any more and my family was being affected as well they didn't have a fully functioning mum or wife. I asked if mum could show more interest in me and support me a little ( I had 3 young children by this stage) with no help being house bound is not easy. When my father left he acted as though he finally understood, my husband took him home, they were even laughing and joking. I did not expect what was coming, a few days later it was my youngest son's 3rd birthday, there was not even a phone call so i rang, I asked whether they had forgotten, my mother said no, she also said that it was clear to her that they were no longer welcome in our home and wanted nothing to do with us or the children ever again!!!! This blew me away, I could not believe it. To this day i do not know if it was my father who instigated this decision or my mother. That day was a turning point for me, my panic attacks got so bad I could not leave the house without my husband for the next 13 years. The isolation, the panic, the rage and sadness that me and my family had to endure WAS NOT WORTH IT, it has taken me years to get over and I will never be completely over it. They took my sister with them, my youngest brother is a hopeless drunk in and out of prison and my other brother has a wife who is now in the thick of things causing waves as well. I have had to wipe the whole family for my own survival. There was nothing I would not have done for my parents, even now that they are ailing I sometimes think about looking after them but i can't, my mother is more bitter and nastier than ever before and my father has found peace in dementia I hope. I wrote this for others so that they don't have to go through years of suffering and guilt for nothing and it does flow over to the next generation!!! My saying is "the buck stops here" to a certain extent it did but I couldn't stop all of it, my children have been damaged as well. I loved my parents deeply and still do but they cannot be in my life. It was the hardest decision to make, years after that phone call my mother tried to contact me through my sister, I refused to speak to her because I could never trust her with my heart ever again. If people are mistreating you don't put up with it, if they don't want to change or look inside themselves leave them alone, don't waste your life like I did, IT'S NOT WORTH IT........ they don't care because they don't have the feelings that we have. My mum was an orphan her parents gave her away during the war they did not die. However you would think that she would cherish her own child, I do understand but it's not my fault and she had no right to take it out on me and ruin not one but several lives.
God bless everyone and I hope that you find peace within yourself

Avatar universal
by PersianM, Aug 21, 2011
I am so relieved to know I am not the only one with a toxic mother! the problem is not only my mother but my two siblings and my father. Starting with my bipolar father who has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on his young girlfriends and helped himself to 8 thousand of my money while I was struggling as a single mother of two working full time and going to school full time. My mother always wished she has aborted me, she favors my middle sister and my younger sister to me. She physically/mentally/verbally abused me all my life. In her eyes I was always ugly while the people around me always complimented me on how beautiful I looked. I had green eyes and  blond hair a petite and very shy. But my sister (her favorite daughter) was impolite, taller than me full or rage backstabbing and no compassion She even got pregnant from a married man but in my mom's eye's it was okay since she is her favorite. My mom never had a friend and never let me have a friend. There was always something wrong with my friends in her eyes. Several years ago I told her that her cousin-who is also her sister's husband! sexually abused me when I was a very young girl and she still defends him!!! She has given my sisters who happen to have alot of money so much money and presents but always have taken from me. She lies and talks behind my back to my sisters and talks behind their backs to me! Our family at this point are not talking to each other. She has taken my jewelry and gold coins and given them to my sister, her favorite daughter! The saddest part is I am 40 years old. It took me 40 years to realize how vicious and sick my mom/family are. My daughters are so sensitive when the subject comes up! I was born in Iran and moved here when I was 20. Although my mom lived half a world a way she caused my divorce and everything I have lost. When I gave her a final ultimatum two years ago that she can not keep opening her mouth and say nasty lies, she is too old for that she has to learn to become a good positive person specially at her age, and that her family should at least be able to learn something from her and respect her not get mad at her lies all the time. She has stopped talking to me because of what I told her so calmly. She said some lies to my sister(her favorite daughter) about me and she consequently called my ex husband and threatened to come and kill all of us!!!! I had to call the police. I feel terrible that my daughters here will never experience any love from their aunts or their grandma' or grandpa'. I have been experiencing terrible anxiety disorder , constant panic attacks and been battling with depression since I was very young. Although half a world away but the pain is as strong. Wish all of you the best of life and happiness and more than everything peace of mind

Avatar universal
by Wishing88, Sep 25, 2011
Thank-you for your comments, that I am not the only one! I am going through a hard divorce and am stuck in another country. My goal was to have the perfect family, as my childhood was not so good. I love my children and am trying to make the best of it. My husband ran off with another woman a year ago, after a 12 year marriage . My mother, rather than support me writes me a two page email kicking me down. I really think she has a disorder. Her email is more hate mail, pulling things up from all areas of the past and changing the facts. You try to find the balance with them for years... I guess she is what she is.

Avatar universal
by gracie113, Sep 27, 2011
I have the same mother that each of you describe.  It's always "well, what if you were me, what about me, look at me, woe is me, ME ME ME!!"  That's all I hear.  It is always someone elses fault.  Why is everyone against me??  She always asks these same questions.  She is so unhappy and makes me miserable with her.  I try really hard not to talk to her more than once a week because it is a 2 to 3 hour conversation about how miserable she is.  If I try to help, she always asks "why do you take up for the other person"?   I am not taking up for anyone, just trying to help her see the positive side.  I am an only child and my parents divorced right before I got married, 23 years ago.  She was bitter at everyone before the divorce; but wow I ddn't realize someone could become even more bitter.  Everything, I mean everything, in her life is horrible to hear her tell it.  Granted it, this is not just a poor me situation, this is a hateful, mean spirited situation.  Yelling, cursing and all the above.  She despises helping to take care of her mother.  She keeps asking, why is she still here, what's her purpose?"  I try to explain that God has a plan.  She always questions God as well.  I am really tired of trying to explain to her.  I know I would have so much more peace in my life if I didn't have to deal with her misery.  I wish I had the nerve to never talk to her.  With my grandmother still living, I help with her from time to time and that would be so awkward with my mom there too and not talk to her.  I have no one but me to take the blunt of my mother's wrath.  I pray everyday that peace be brought to me by not having her in my life.  I have also caught my mother in lies.  Something I would have got in trouble with.  I would have dared to lie to her.  She lies so many times.  It must be the illness that comes with her issues.  I know she is mentally ill that makes her this way; but I am tired of making excuses for her.  I have to hide what I do from her because if she knows  I talk to my dad she gets mad.  If I talk to his sister, she gets mad.  If I talk to my inlaws, she gets mad.  So you can imagine how mad she stays.  I am tired of being mad at me all the time.  Granted, I am 44 years old, not 10.  I wish I had the answers.  I could go on, but I will stop here.  Thanks for reading.

Avatar universal
by bowflexman, Oct 19, 2011
All I can say is wow. My mom has always been manipulative and she is the type of person that thinks she cannot to wrong. She has never gotten along with Amy girl I have brought home and things are no different now that I am married. Things got worse when her first grandson was born. She is obessesive of him. Over the course of his first year we did dinner with my parents almost every week and went on two vacations with them but somehow that wasn't enough. Everytime we would turn down an invite to something,whether because we were busy or just tired from a busy week I got the guilt trip. It began to affect my marriage so I stood up for my family and told my mother dinner once a week and that's it. She thinks she can just come get the grandkids anytime she wants though and the anger my comment caused her sent her I to a frenzy. She began slitting her wrists in front of me. On top of that my dad called my wife a psycho and said she has brainwashed me to her face. We have cut them off now for 6 weeks and the guilt is starting to affect me. I know I am just protecting my family but if anyone has any encouragement I would greatly appreciate it. I would also appreciate any. Prayer you can offer.

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by Confused113, Oct 28, 2011
My mother is exactly like this, she demanded my email password so she could spy on me, she reads my text messages, doesn't trust me. She screams at me for everything I've ever done wrong in my entire life everytime she gets angry. I'm student gov vp, class officer and a good student. I work hard all the time, remodeled the living room for her, bought her a new couch and she still treats me like **** calling me horrible names, I'm doing so much in school babysit a special needs kid after school everyday, am doing my lazy younger siblings science fair projects, organizing home coming and senior prom but I'm "a lazy ungrateful *****"? I buy everything  I need or my siblings want because I know my parents don't have the money, I bought everyone a nice Christmas present that they wanted or needed. My little sister's furniture is falling apart and I bought her new furniture all from MY babysitting money that I was saving for college. I'm not an argumentative person at all, my mother is ALWAYS right even when she's wrong. She forgets things all the time and yells at me for" not telling her about a meeting I have to go to.(I'm a girl advisor to the board of gsep as well) I can't talk to her or try to explain to her at  all. If I walk away after she yells at me with even the smallest amount of anger or frustration she screams at me for that.  I got blamed for a mess in the hallway that wasn't me( remodeled that too) for the first time I screamed back and said it wasn't me. She dragged me by my hair and hit me, I fought back for once and then she screamed at me some more and pretended I didn't exist for a week and threw things at me. She appears to be the perfect mother but she's crazy. She idolizes me older sister who almost moved out with her boyfriend last year and stole 300 dollars from me to do it which I never got back. My mom never made her repay me and of course my sister is in college now, she went on shopping sprees with her friend before college so she's broke, I gave her money, bought most of the stuff in her college dorm for her but when I visited she got upset because I sat on her bed. My mother of course doesn't see anything wrong with her even though my sister's a ****. I don't know what I'm doing wrong... there are times when my mother and I can actually talk but all she talks about is how much if a dissapiontment my dad is. It's gotten really bad lately I've considered reporting her for child abuse but she only does this to me not my siblings so I would screwup their lives. My mom is actually threatening to not fill out fasfa for me for college and is hanging it over my head I don't know what to do with her.

Avatar universal
by wfonzz, Nov 18, 2011
I am SO glad I found this thread, I am 49 YO and have been dealing with my mothers mood swings my whole life, she is fine one minute then does what I call "flipping the switch", she gets depressed, mean, nasty, vindictive and she can carry this on for weeks, she's 74 and it gets worse as she gets older. I need advice!!! she usually targets my 15YO son because she knows better than to go toe to toe with me because I will tell her the way it is and my son is scared of her when she gets like this she has always done this but now that he's almost 16 I think if I'm not around and she gets like this with him he should speak up for himself, I don't want him to be disrespectful but I don't want him to be her punching bag either, and she gets NASTY, she will lie to get him in trouble, I've talked to her many times about this very thing, fought with her, cut her off for months. We built her in apartment in our home because she is getting older and her health isn't so good and she is alone. When she's great she's great but when she morphs into mega b***h she is almost inhuman. Like I said, she will lie to get him in trouble and I can decipher whether he was in the wrong or not, she thinks she's slick but she's really not and I've caught her in many lies. Anyway, should my son speak up? maybe tell her, "no offense nana but it's mom's job to raise me, let her worry about it" or something to that effect. Also, her apt. is separate from us except for the screened in back porch, she can go out her sliding door, walk across it and be at our sliding door, I'm thinking maybe we should wall that off so we have part of the screened in porch and she has part but she cant just walk across, she may get mad but at this point I dont care, we put in a nice entrance door for her and she rarely uses it, my intent was to have completely separate living quarters, she is capable of doing for herself. I want us to live as though we were neighbors in an apt building. Sorry, long winded, any advice? Thanks

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by Missmissa, Nov 23, 2011
Hello! I am only 24 so I haven't experienced the many years of horror as most people on this site I have experienced a nasty mother if you could call her a mother! It breaks my heart I try so much to talk to her! See her have conversations with her normal mother and daughter stuff! This however falls on deaf ears I am once again rejected sort of like being spat at then stood on like I mean nothing! To make matters worse she treats her own mother (my nanna the lady who raised me) in this way refusing do even do a simple task as the dishes and will sit down after a day of nothing as she dosen't work and leave nanna to do the dishes!!!her attitude is disgusting! Thus changes when she is around friends she seems to be sweet and so nice never
have a bad word to say bout me then they leave and it begins...
I am nearly there now have bought a house with
my partner and shall leave any week it's far away so no unexpected visits and for the many years of crying wishing I had a better mother, one who would love me as much as I love her! I can finally
stop and leave without any regrets that I don't need someone who is nasty and on a self destruction war against family iny life! It's my future and choose it with my partner and my fur family surrounded by love and happiness! No more bitterness no more mother no more stress my life, my family is more important!!!
The one positive I can see is that I will know how to be a better mother to my own children so they can appreciate life and more importantly themselves!!!

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by netsy150, Nov 25, 2011
My mother has been miserable since the day she married my Dad.  12 kids later, the woman is pissed off.  Her lack of love for me resulted in vrey many poor decisions in my life.  I used to absolutely hate her guts, and I still don't love her.  However, I have made an effort to care and provide for her.  When she acts up, I create distance and stay the hell away.  Unlike my father who made an effort to seek forgiveness for his mistakes in creating this mess, my mother never has.  She will be 81 in December.  It's unlikely she will seek forgivness.  I have accepted this and have tried to move on.  Just left her house, because she was sitting at the kitchen table with a snarl on her face.  God bless her.  I wouldn't want her life.  

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by FlyboySDA821, Dec 03, 2011
I seriously love you all for posting these comments. My mom is also TERRIBLY BITTER! I just 20 years old and I tell you that I have not yet gotten to experience a good childhood. I mean, she was so nice to me and my brother when we was little ones but when age 13 came, she treated us like dirt. Calling us the most terrible names, spewing this venomous acid of anger and hate towards us. We never got in trouble, we made good grades and many other moms and adults loved us! No one has ever blamed us for being disrepectful because we are respectful to everyone. Goodie goodie 2 shoes was what we was known by because we never got in trouble. I mean, come on, it's so rare to find those types of teenagers today! We pay for her house and for her bills (she's unemployed and she does not want to find a job) I'm a loving Christian and I love God!

The sad part is that my mom claims to be Christian but she act so contrary to what the Bible says. I don't blame God for her being that way because He clearly says not to be that way. I've made constant prayers to God and cried out to Him but this particular one never gets answered. He answered many of my other prayers so I wondered why He isn't answering this one. But then, I thought about it. God gives us all the freedom of choice and because He does this, He does not FORCE my mother to change her ways. I find that the reason why this prayer isn't being answered is because my mom is so self-righteous and so bitter that she has closed herself from ever wanting to be changed. She simply will not allow God to change her because she feels that she is this ultra holy saint who make no flaws. She is not humble like Jesus is, she is prideful as Satan is.

I don't blame God at all for her hateful attitude. I ONLY blame her and her alone. I pray that one day, just one, she will learn. I fear for her salvation and I worry about if she will even make it to heaven. It's one thing if she was a athiest or didn't know better, but she knows the Word and she CLAIMS to be Christian. I just can't understand! Please friends, don't blame our Great and Merciful Father for our moms' ignorance. Just pray and wait for a chance to escape from it all. God bless my friends and hang in there.

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by NoDrama, Dec 04, 2011
All I can say is that I can relate to everyone here.  My mom is 76 and cannot go one day without creating a reason to argue, yell, scream, blame me for something, etc. etc. etc.  Today, I had enough.  After years of this abusive ****, I had enough.  Though I'm unemployed and can't get away from her, I'm going to find a way.  I want to leave this ***** to wallow in her own self-pity and stop bringing me down with her.  Like everyone here, she cannot see that she's the problem.  I could be as quiet as a church mouse and I would still be blamed for what's wrong in her world.  I've finally realized that she is beyond help.  Soon, I hope to be rid of this toxic woman and never see her again.  I need some peace in my life.  It's about time she realizes that she's not going to **** on me anymore.  

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by lewiejay, Dec 06, 2011
i can honestly say that i know my mother does not like me,she pretends to as she is manipulitive and likes tto play each family against each other,if im not speaking to her she will put me down to the rest of teh family,and its the other way about.
i phoned her yesterday to ask how she was keeping as i have not done for a while and felt better,soon as she picked up the phone my stomach churned,all she could go on about was herself,how bad her life is,she never asked for one moment how my children,her grand kids were,she the started to bad mouth members of the family,i think she was hoping i was going to start talking about them too,but i wasent rising to her bait,she is so selfish i could hardly get a word in to speak
she resent everything i say,walks over the good things myself and family have done and only ever interested in listening to her own voice and problems.
i said at the start that i know my mum doesant like me,to tell you the truth about her through the years ive grown to despise her and now merely tolerate her.
ive seen her at her nastiness and its not a nice picture,she would cheat and lie as long as it made her look good not caring how it affects others,reading all these stories make me feel im not alone and all of you have my sincere sympathies having to put up with such pain and grief all unleased by vile mothers who are supposed to care.
they make us out their victim and act like a victim themselves,the best thing to do is distance ourselves and concentrate on our own lifes and families,our mothers may have given us life but it doesant mean they have the right to destroy it.
take care everyone

Avatar universal
by DannysLilsis, Dec 14, 2011
This sight has been a lot of help to me, I never realized so many others had mothers like mine.  I have dealt with a mean old mother for years.  I made the choice to never have any communication, but guess that will never be possible.  My mother is definitely mentally sick.  I just found my brother dead the 13th of Nov. 59 years old.  There is 4 of us grown kids, me the only female.  My other 2 brothers had been very ugly to my brother when he was homeless, just out of heart surgery, a year ago.  My mother also was mean & hateful 2 him, & told him 2 weeks before he died she wished she had never had him, & he loved her & wanted her to love him, he would have taken care of her no matter what.  My mother let my 2 brothers & her husband handle my brothers arrangements.  Cremation, no obituary, no service, no nothing. Dead, the end.  The good lord gave me and my husband 4 great months with him, so I know God loves me and prepared me the best he could.  I swore I would never speak to my mom again, & Sunday before lunch she was beating on our front door, a neighbor had brought her here, her husband had left her on Sat. But had taken her to my youngest brothers house, the other brother got called in, & they didn't, want to deal with her & called the police to come get her, they just took her home.  She begged us to help her, & my husband gave in, not me.  I tried to go to her house to get her mess, hoping maybe her mind might just be so bad because she said she hadn,t had her medicine in a few days, then I said where is my brothers ashes, She said my brother that had been so mean to my dead brother had them.  This story is just too deep & long ongoing, but I lost it with her & told them to get her out of my house, she will be 80 in Jan. & life should never be this way, I still have empathy for her, but know how viscious and demented she is. My niece took her to the dr. On Monday, & she is now being evaluated in a psychiatric hospital. Might sound horrible but if she has actually lost her mind, could be she is actually reaping what she has sowed. BUT, my emotions are really bad, so I don't think you can ever actually be freed from a bad relationship, But I am trying like h!!! To keep my own sanity, & count my true blessings in life.  My heart goes out to all of you who have this horrible heartbreaking nightmare, hugs and prayers to each and every one of you.

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by charles56, Jan 20, 2012
My Mother just turned 83.   On January 28, sister of 48 years of age, passed away in her sleep.  My sister was well  to do money wise,(stocks, bonds etc.)   Ever since then  my mother totally changed when she received these things. She always has a bad word for me (her son)  and my wife.  In the passed 2 yrs she has gifted us 3 items from the moneies from my sisters estate.  Now she wants the gifts back, tells me she hates my wife,threw  us out of the house and told us that shes changing her will and leaving everything to my brother, and that we were finished.  One day she could be nice then she goes from nice to real nasty in 6 secs.  She has my sisters ex business partner as power of attorney and then me as second.  She got very greedy, thinks she knows more then you do, and tries to control your life by trying to hold the money over your head.  I have told her this, and she was outraged, needless to say what happened next, we were banned from her house and thrown out in the process.  I even was accused of trying to steal off her. Last, but not least, i came down with early parkinsons disease in 2007, she never asked how i was feeling or do you need any help whatsoever.  All she has ever said to me was, walk right, or if she's in public, she will tell people im in  bad shape, of which I am not...Go Figure. I Can't.    Chuck.

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by nancy3822, Feb 09, 2012
Only found this site yesterday and it has already been such an eye opener to me.  I knew I couldn't be the only one with a mother that throws insults and blame at the drop of a hat (directed at me, her daughter) but I didn't know something like this was available to help me sift through my situation and possibly handle it differently.  I have survived by mostly ignoring my mother's comments although they hurt me. Unfortunately I have not formed the bonds with other family members I might have because my mother didn't like them and I thought I should "side" with my mother.  I have stopped trying to explain things to her, justifying my actions, or looking for any kind of support from her because this has gone on for too long and who really changes their personality anyway.

She vents to me then makes the excuse that I am the only one she can talk to. Boy, I was a fool to believe that excuse because it only led to more insults. Her venting usually has an undertone of blaming me for her lot in life (and believe me she has had a good, long life).  It escalated 2 years ago when it was no longer safe for her to live alone and the job fell on me to place her in an assisted living facility. It is only me and my brother and he lives a distance from her.   She thinks by thanking me for what I do for her she is off the hook and can criticize me even more.

She has now brought my older daughter in by sending her a letter of her latest hatred - that of my younger daughter's boyfriend.  I feel so bad that my older daughter has this on her plate now and my younger daughter will be so hurt when she finds out (I don't think it is out of the question that she may be disowned). My mother was very proud of the fact that my younger daughter wasn't getting a check from her. Yes, money is almighty to her.  On top of it I get blamed for the boyfriend (and he really is a nice guy) and for the letter to my daughter since according to my mother I didn't answer my phone when she called me because I knew what she was going to say (not true).  I was blindsided when I visited her last Sunday and all this came out of her mouth.  On top of it she showed this unacceptable behavior in front of my partner.  I am embarrassed for that too.

I think I will do what some of you have done, visit her less (she is about a 2 hour drive away) and not feel guilty about it and do what she needs done but not go out of my way like I have been doing.  I hope this give me some kind of relief. She has no idea what she has done to me.  Like many of you have stated and I can too, I take satisfaction in knowing I am not the mother she is.

Thanks for your help and good luck on future 'ventures' with your mothers.


Avatar universal
by VeniceParrish, Feb 18, 2012
The first comment..... I couldn't have written it better about myself!  I have lived with this kind of mother all my life, thinking most of the time that this is just how mothers are, until I began losing job after job and was forced to look at my own behavior to assess what is so wrong with me that I alienate people.  Through years of self-assessment, I am beginning to consciously acknowledge that my behavior is a reaction to just how mean and cold and cruel and nasty my mother is.  Not a single positive word EVER comes out of her mouth.  I have never heard "I love you."  None of us kids were ever told I love you or hugged or consoled when we were hurt or scared.  We never had a bedtime story or song.  She never played with us.  No matter what we did, there was always some comment about how some part of it was wrong or could've been done better and there was never, ever a thank you.  Ever.  I got smacked upside the head with a brush and told I was just being a baby if I ever commented that I was feeling sick.  Material possessions are faaaaar more important to her than people.  But, trick is, she KNOWS how to "play" the game.  She is sweet as pie to "outsiders."  No one other than those who really know her know how evil she can be.  She criticizes, condemns, degrades, demeans and insults my father until it's absolutely pitiful.  And because he doesn't know how to positively defend himself in a healthy way, he has become angry and bitter and nasty himself.  And now, even though I'm learning how to defend myself against it, I can't help him because he's 80 and half-senile and doesn't understand what I'm trying to tell him, and even if he did, he would forget 5 minutes later.  When my mother goes out for the day, for whatever reason, it's absolute peaceful heaven in the house, but once she's home, it's walking on eggshells 24/7.  But, don't call her out on it or look out for the venomous kraken!  We have tried pointing out how  negative she is, but by her own claims, she is the nicest, most positive person in the world.  She is 80 now and it only gets worse and worse and there's no chance of "fixing her," but I guess I've only been searching for answers to find a way to help myself.  But, my fear is, that until I get rid of the anger, I will never be able to fix myself.  And worse, they are getting to the point in their lives where someone needs to live with them to take care of them and, guess what, I'm the person this got put on.  So, I can't escape even if I wanted to.  Someone above mentioned malignant narcissist.  There are several sub-genres of narcissists, and for me, I believe I am finding that my mother tends to fall into the compensatory narcissist, but whatever the sub-genre, it is narcissism at its emotionally abusive best, but what makes things worse, because she does put on that front for outsiders, no one would ever believe she is what I know she is, which consequently, causes me to not say anything and just hold it inside and put up with and take it because no one would believe me.  

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by rosie462, Feb 19, 2012
I was so grateful to come across this posting and to read all of the comments.  I thought that I was alone.  My Mother has always thrown bitter comments at me... nasty little venemous words that have hurt me over the years... I'm 33 now, and only now am I realising that she's been playing a game of control over me.  When I was a teenager she would call me evil and nasty, I used to dread Friday night, myself and my siblings called it "Wine Night". She would take turns being nasty to each of us, but I would get it the worst because she knew that I was easier to hurt.  She continued through my adulthood saying that I'd never get married, that I wasn't maternal, that if she had my life she'd live it differently, she'd drag up the past and recount twisted versions of it.  Now I'm planning my wedding to a wonderful man and she has spoke ill of him to my sister, she's angry that I get on so well with his family (they are loving people who are positive & caring with no bad words to say about anyone), she's not happy with the venue I have chosen, she says that I don't care about my family because the venue is an hour away from where she lives.  She subsequently caused a huge falling out between myself and my sister.  My Father did not step in because he walks away from arguments with her as it's so difficult to reason with her.  He just wants a quiet life.  It seems that my Mother just saves all her nasty comments for me, twisting things that I say to make me look like a terrible person.  She is a very manipulative person.  Her & my sister have grown so close over the years and I feel like I cannot confide in my sister.  I have noticed that my Mother is very nasty to my eleven year old nephew.  When he's playing or fooling around she calls him nasty in front of my sister and my sister just ignores her.  My Mother has told me that he is just like me, too sensitive.  She called him a pain.  I can see that she has taken a dislike to him, just like she did with me.  She fawns over my niece.  I find it very hard to watch her behaviour.  I don't understand why my sister sits back and lets this happen.  I know that if I had children, there is no way on this earth that I would let her be nasty to them.  Sometimes she can be so loving - it's like she is two very different people - like a switch is flipped.  Now, I have made the decision that I will create more distance and tell her less about my life.  I will visit for a couple of hours at a time because I do care about her but I will highlight it when she makes a nasty comment in future instead of ignoring her.  I am taking a stand because she has been nasty to me for way too long.  I'm not ready to walk away yet, but if things don't improve in the next couple of years, I may have no choice.
When it's your Mother being nasty it's so hurtful because it's the one person who you feel should protect and love you.  If a friend treated you in such a way, you could and would just walk away and never speak to them again.  I'm fortune to have found a wonderful man and I have some wonderful caring friends.  I feel very fortunate in that regard.  Sometimes you have to go out and find love.
Take care and go out and find love - I wish love for all of you x

Avatar universal
by Xasperated, Feb 25, 2012
These are the best postings I've seen so far that mimic what I've been going through with my mother and the character traits she displays, for which I have guilt and reservation in writing about:  narcissim, bipolar, hateful, mean, energy vampire, joyless, manipulative, selfish, controlling, bitter, venomous, toxically negative, OCD, and all of this I have to deal with because I am trapped by finances.  All of you that don't live with your mothers; turn OFF the phone and don't answer your door.  I wish I had that option.  That would be my best solution. The worst part is outsiders think she is kind, vulnerable and sweet. At 74 she is still dogging my every move.  I can't leave to drive down the street without telling her where I am going or she alienates me for days.  She thinks I exist to serve her needs and life.  Like Rosie642 above, my mother flips switches and can be so loving, but it's psychotic because you know she can switch back at any moment. At times past when I have objected to the things she has done, she pulls out a tape recorder and tapes me so she can play it back to my sister who supports her in everything she does, good or evil.  My mother takes no responsibility for the havoc she wreaks. She does nice things from time to time and that confuses me, makes me wonder why I feel this way.  She has created a very joyless home life and complains so much my daughter doesn't want to be here and leaves as often as possible.  She is completely oppressive. We live on a beautiful property but even the flowers droop because it's so negative here.  And if I try to encourage her to see things more positively, she turns on me and tells me I'm negative.  Once she went in the hospital for hip surgery and the birds seemed to sing again on the property and the flowers grew, the oppression lifted and we were happy, for a time, then she came back.  Even the dog's spirit is broken.  My greatest wish is I could diligently obey the 5th commandment to honor my parents, as this honors God.  And that is why I have reservation about venting on the things mentioned above, I try to be loving, kind, forgiving and rise above it, but I've come to realize on my own strength I simply can't.  Most days I do ok and there are some I fall short in my reactions.  My full reliance is on God through prayer and asking the Holy Spirit to give me the supernatural ability to overcome this.  What matters is our reaction to them because that is what we are accountable for.  I do believe it's some kind of test. I believe somehow my time will be redeemed through this test. For those that are called it's the refiner's fire, and oh, what a painful fire it is because it requires you to die to self.  I know it's been my most difficult test I've ever dealt but I plan on being an overcomer. I want to redeem the time.  Since God is not letting me escape it, I must face it, and for those of you who can't escape, my prayers are with you...don't let their evil intentions be your undoing.  Everyone is accountable individually in the end, and your mothers will have to answer about how they conducted themselves before God one day.

Avatar universal
by NotFeelingGuilty, Feb 26, 2012
A few common themes keep cropping up in these posts.  The most obvious to me would be that these women are the biggest bullies on the block.  My mother is.  She went after her own mother (when she wasn't ignoring her or mocking her behind that wonderful woman's back) but never her father.  One of her sisters she wouldn't dare bully (yet my father and I were fair game).  Our break happened several years ago when Drunk Mommy kept calling me up repeatedly to apprise me of just how much I sucked as a son and husband and I just kept hanging up.  Once I wouldn't play the game of letting her abuse me and then letting it slide when she offered what she considered an apology, she had no use for me.  

My so-called mother wanted nothing to do with my mother-in-law (a wonderful woman).  She resented her mother.  She wouldn't say anything bad about my wife (to her face).  But my mother, like many of yours, was threatened by other women that might enter my life (and, you know, actually improve it).  She feared that I'd see what other people and families were like and it scared her (as well it should have).

One word of encouragement to my fellow posters:  The longer you're away from this garbage, you'll be amazed at how different life seems.  You'll be shocked at just how much this has messed up your head and your perspective.  Drunk Mommy (who was Phony Not Much Better Sober Mommy) began to hate me because I stopped caring.  And she was right.  And once I realized this and admitted it to myself, I was so much better.  

Why SHOULD I care about a "mother" who bullied me, physically abused me, called me names, intimidated me, (and once called me a profane name when she was talking to my grandmother---in front of me).  Why should I care about her when she back stabbed me and badmouthed me to my own wife (that's when my wife said she never wanted anything to do with her again).

No 12 year-old should have to pick his drunk mother off the floor or deal with her drinking pals.  No kid should.  Yet, I was "spoiled".  Yeah, first kid on the block to handle life better than his mom.  Yay for me.

There's nothing wrong with throwing you hands up.  Nothing.  You weren't put on earth to put up with this crap.  You've done the best you could.  You made mistakes (as have I), but those are nothing in comparison to theirs.  YOU tried your best.  YOU were dutiful.  YOU went the extra mile.  YOU bore the weight of their bitterness, anger, and narcissism.  And what was your reward?  

More of the same.  And it'll never change.  Don't feel guilty.  They're the ones who should feel guilty, not you.  But it's hard to feel guilty when you don't have a conscience.  And it's hard not to feel guilty when you do.  But when time passes, that guilt will ease up.  You'll remember how many times you've forgiven.  You'll remember more and more how chaotic your life was and how skewed your life was.  

Remember how many times all you wanted was some, any, just a friggin' morsel of peace and quiet in your life.  Two seconds of no drama.  No "me me me me me me me me me you suck and here's why."

You're not put on Earth to be abused.  You're here to do your best.  And you've done it.  They're the ones that have failed.  

I chose this posting name for a reason.  I don't feel guilty.  Mad?  Yeah.  Bitter?  Some.  But guilty?  Nope.  

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by mickeyloughlin, Mar 03, 2012
I am you and you are me. You just wrote my life. I completely understand exactly what you mean. Many, many, many people will not understand. I'm sure you've heard, "Oh, just get over it!" "There are so many "real" things to be upset about!" "OMG you are so selfish and petty. Your poor mother!"
Really? These people are REALLY saying this? This is how those "mothers" dismissed us all these years, even into adulthood. It almost felt shameful to even discuss it as a real issue because it appears to many as our problems. Well you are not alone and you are not selfish. You are not in need of professional help! You are exposing this woman and the false label as being a mother. She is not a mother. You, being a mother, know exactly what one is. I have two children myself and I will never claim to be perfect, but I do claim to be HUMAN! I love my children, I protect them physically and emotionally. I do not feel a need to keep them needy, dependent children. I want inner happiness and peace for them. Until people realize that this is a horrific disorder that destroys the soul of living, breathing children then they will continue to say such insensitive comments.
Does a thief tell you they are going to rob you? Does a terrorist tell you their covert plans? Does a bully admit that it's really just their insecurity that makes them this way? Well, how does one expect a "mother" like this to admit all that she does? She is all those things plus so much more wearing her pearls and crying her "fake" tears. Do not doubt yourself. Do not let anyone tell you that it is all YOU! No, it is not and I am living proof, along with my 3 sisters, that these women exist.

Avatar universal
by TJ65, Mar 03, 2012
Heres one more WOW...I have been dealing with a horrible mean spirited mother all my adult life. She has done things to me that I couldnt imagine doing to one of my children. She has stole so much money from me, even took my social security # & ran up a bunch of credit cards in my name, ruined my credit. She lies constantly, says horrible things to me, about me & calls herself a preacher!! In the past 20 yrs, I have given her lots of money, several vehicles, & Ive helped her in countless more ways, but to hear her tell it, I wont do anything to help her & have no respect for her. Which that part is true. My Father died 23 yrs ago, but they had already been divorced for 12, & she still calls him names & says horrible things about him, & he wasnt a bad man! & in fact was a wonderful father, & I get so tired of defending him. I have one younger brother, who, because of her I barely have a relationship with, she has done things to my brother as well, but not even close to what shes done to me. So many times Ive said, thats it! Im not having anything else to do with her, my brother gets mad at me! & I hate that, he has no idea how awful shes been to me. It finally got to the point I would have an anxiety attack when my phone would ring & I'd see it was her, but my brother doesnt understand, & it breaks my heart. I finally have an amazing husband & I have 4 wonderful children, & they no what shes like & they have as little to do with her as possible. She just called me, yelling & screaming because I wont be her friend on fb! I tried to calmly explain, that Ive tried 3 different times to be her fb friend, but all 3 times she would get mad at me for some stupid reason & write something hateful on my wall! But of course I am lieing. Then she starts yelling because I just try to cause problems in our family! Its funny how she always blames me for the things shes done. Shes a sick, narcissitic, very loud, hateful, misrable, woman & shes that way with everyone but so much worse with me.& at 66 yrs old, shes not gonna change. If it werent for my brother, I could easily walk away & not look back, Im so sick & tired of her abuse. But because of him I dont no what to do.

Avatar universal
by monkey1979, Mar 25, 2012
OMG i cannot believe this website! There i was thinking i was the only person ever to have a shambled parental relationship. Firstly, i am so sorry to read all of your stories. Seems we are all the same....somehow!! My situation has never been great, my birth mother hated me, slept around, called me by my sir name, said i looked too much like my dad, left when i was at school to go on holiday and left me a note. So off i went to live with my dad, who worked away and couldnt really have me in the week so i lived with my grandad who was a massive hoarder, i got fat, bullied and didnt look at all the nice little girl i was supposed to be, anyway long story short, my dad met another woman, quit his job and found a job near home so we all lived together by the time i was 14. I didnt realise at first how much my dad had stopped communicating with me. My step moms sentences ALWAYS start with "your dad said...." and so the turbulence started. Theyd follow me home from school "to catch me out"?? They too would take off and go on holiday and leave me notes and be gone for weeks at a time. They read my mail she went through my phone. Would set up arguments so me and my dad would fight. Now i have met the most wonderful man alive, we have been together 11 years and now i find out my step mom has been calling his mom to see if i have been round there. She has said so many things in my life to make me feel paranoid, scared and above all GUILTY. i cant do anything and i keep finding out she has been checking up on me and my where abouts. They hate my husband, why i dont know and even tried to get him to drop me when we first got together. My step mom also rang me and "accidentally" left a message on my cell calling me a ***** and my husband alsorts of names too. Yet she will buy me clothes, buy my children things and be so nice then boom off she goes calling somebody an offensive names or being generally rude in front of people. I used to beg my husband to be nice and open to them because if he wasnt i would get it in the neck. Now i dont bother, if he doesnt want to talk to them thats up to him. Can somebody please tell me why somebody would be like this??? Wish we lived on another planet!!

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by Yinzerati, Mar 25, 2012
Thank you to everyone who has posted their experiences here.  

I won't add my own experience as it is so like so many of you here. Suffice to say, nothing I've ever done was right, my mother is not proud of me, not kind, not encouraging, not affirming. And so many others are!  At work the other day I received a thankyou card from a total stranger, thanking me for my kindness, my consideration, my expertise.  Yet, my mother apparently finds it funny to tell people that I will be "the most educated bag lady" ever.

I asked her if she would like to help me not be a bag lady; I need a few hundred bucks to finish my PhD.  Yes, I already have two degrees and teach as an adjunct college teacher, but to my mother, I'm just one step away from a bag lady. She scoffed and said "Why would I want to invest in YOUR future? What good will it do me?."  I just didn't know what to say, because what can you say to somebody who has a lower opinion of you than total strangers you meet at one of your jobs, while finishing your PhD?

Anyway, I found these words of wisdom, and wanted to share with all of you. Thank you all for making me feel less alone.

"Ultimately, the answer is that you can't change the other person's behavior, but you can change your own. If someone you know always triggers depression, anger or tiredness in you, examine how you react when the negativity starts and see if changing your reaction helps. If your reaction doesn't contribute to the problem, or you can't make such a change, find a way to lessen this person's presence in your life. It will be good for your health."

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by jed51, Mar 29, 2012
wow...just the sheer number of posts on this matter shows that they're many people living in this world with the same type of mother situation...I have lived with a bitter, mean, self centered, hateful mother for 51 years now...she is 78 and still spewing her poison...she talks about everyone in the family like dogs but treats perfect strangers with love and respect...It truly gets to me sometimes...I have a loving caring father that has given her everything she could possible want in life, but is treated daily like crap...i feel so sorry for him...i have begged him repeatedly to leave her and enjoy what life he has left on earth but he won't do it...they have been together for 55 years...i am the only son i have one sister who is treated the same way...I feel as if she is demon possessed sometimes really...she is the most negative person that I have ever known...never a kind word, never any encouragement, nothing...she is a miserable human being and you know what?
she is never going to change and she will probably die a lonely miserable death...and a part of me doesn't care one way or the other...sad but true...any way god bless you all and good luck dealing with your own demons

Avatar universal
by abby55555, Apr 07, 2012
I wondered if I had posted this story and forgotten about it or something, My mother burnt me with cigarettes when I was a baby and did many other cruel and vicious things. She also hurt my brothers and she encourages abuse by proxy i.e. she will tell other people horrible things about us so they will abuse us. She separates and alienates everyone. She is paranoid, nasty, bitchy, vicious. She LOVES other people's pain especially those close to her. She has always been fascinated with poisoning, car accidents, cruelty, torture, suicide and everything dark and vicious. I left her for four years and then out of guilt and feeling sorry for my brother I went back. It is the worst thing I have ever done. I'm now trying to get away again but she goes into over drive and rings everyone and says I'm a sick person. She used to tell me I was mad every day as a child. The thought of her loving me is utterly disgusting. She has no love in her, not at all. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Everything is someone elses fault. She is extremely manipulative. She is now 88 and has always been this way. She was not abused as a child and her brother and sisters are normal. I have PTST from being born from this Satanic vicious insane person. She has never sought help and it's only everyone else that is insane. Every time I talk to her, when I finish for ages afterwards it feels like she has injected poison straight into my veins. That's why I did a search on toxic. She said she is going to live to one hundred just to spite everyone.

YOU would have PTSD too. You couldn't NOT have. Go to this site and look at the PTSD area. You can write your story there. My story is called A Walk Through Hell.

Avatar universal
by wonderchild2012, Apr 08, 2012
Greetings all,

It does my heart a lot of good to know that I am not alone in my pain. We live in a society that puts the title of "mother" into a position of sainthood. And for me and those of you like me, you know that this has not been our experience. And so its hard to go to the rest of the world and tell them how hateful and resentful our mothers have been towards us. Slapping us in the face, spitting in our face. My mother has a lot of hatred inside. I thought I had healed my unfinished business with my mother, but I realize that I havent by what happened yesterday. Because I thought I was healed I decided to spend a weekend with this old woman so she would not spend Easter alone. The first evening was exquisitely pleasant and then she  began to obsess the next day about something a woman at her church said to her. I kept quiet and she got pissed, so I stated I do not like to speak about religion. Then her sick behavioral patterns began from there, mentioning that I like to talk politics and I do and its my business to do so since after all I am 38 with my own wife and family. She started criticizing me for eating a piece of garlic bread, apparently its some kind of sin because in that moment she makes it a sin. Well that after taking this old woman shopping and spending an evening with her so she would not be alone for the holidays, she basically dehumanized me, told me she is not my mother, told me to stop acting like a ****** when I told her she is hurting my feelings and on and on with abusive language and screaming at the top of her lungs. Did I mention the whole time she was screaming at the top of her lungs? She went full swing into rage.
I say this because I want all of you to know that I feel your pain and I see that you share in my pain too. I have started writing a book that I have been wanting to write for over a decade. I hope that I can keep in touch with some folks here. Also, I do believe that the inner child work is so important for us and finishing our unfinished business with mother. If anyone would like to work together in healing, please feel free to reach out to me.

Avatar universal
by Camouflaged, Apr 11, 2012
I too have a nasty bitter mother. She started in her 60s and is now 83.  I took her to the doctors today as we were all positive she has dementia.  She repeats herself over and over and nothing we do is right.  All she wants is for us to feel sorry for her all the time. She never has anything nice to say about anyone or anything.  Its like life owes her something.  She passed the dementia test with flying colours, then smiled  sarcastically at me across the room as if to say 'gotcha'.  

So all this **** she has put myself, my children, my cousin and my friends through...its all been one big  friggin act.  She's a crafty piece of work and no matter how hard i try, i hate her.  I honestly hate her. She s no friends, shes driven them all away over the years.  She wants to be with me 24/7.  As it is I see her every day, I spend at least 3 hours a day with her but oh no....thats not enough.  She won't be happy til she's crawled under my ****** skin!  

She doesn't understand I have my own life, Im almost 50 but when she enters the room I feel like im a child again.  Shes never been supportive and even runs her own grandchildren down.  Iv had so much advice from friends etc, and for once Im going to take it and not feel guilty.  Im going to leave the ***** to rot...Im only going to see her twice a week and Im taking a mate with me now for a quick escape.  I know she's probably lonely and scared but Im not letting my health suffer through her.  Id love to shove her in a rest home and forget about her but she wont go in one.  Well she might change her mind now cos I aint running around after her any more.  She can get ******, silly old cow.

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by Asadgirl, Apr 12, 2012
wow. Where do I start? These comments believe it or not cheered me up. Not out of fun but out of great bewilderment because I sincerely believed I was the only one facing this great problem. My mother is a very cruel woman that is full of sooo much hate. The thing I wanted to add is that not only is she unhelpful because she is overweight and has been so for the majority of my life she also tries to push me into making the wrong decisions. I am trying very hard to be able to have a strong mind and weigh things carefully before making any decision because she always pushes me in the wrong path and I end up paying dearly for it. This is what she accused my father of doing to her and I am also suffering in various ways as a result of this. Prior to my birth She had an idea that God had something great for me because she claimed a prophet of God said so and she tried to find ways to kill me even before I was born but was unsuccessful(she also did not mind dying to accomplish this). The fact that she was unsuccessful made her to hate me with a passion and go out of her entire way to make my life miserable. Her brother even told her to her face that she was a witch and she didn't feel  bad because she knows she is.Her wickedness turned me into a pariah's pariah. I was a victim of sexual ,physical, psychological,mental as well as emotional abuse.I was always the scapegoat that everything was blamed on till the extent that my sister often tried to blame me when she did something wrong. I have never blended in with anyone anywhere because my self confidence diminished and I often feel like a target. People often think Im stuck up and unfriendly but this is not so. I am only this way out of survival mode and not willing for people to come into my life so I don't get hurt. My being lonely serves as a type of self preservation because this is all I can do. She does not work neither does she clean her apartment  because she prefers talking on the phone and watching TV shows as opposed to go finding work and contribute to household expenses. She also has this much time on her hands so she can spend it conjuring up subtle ways to destroy people and throw them off course. My entire time in this country has been marked with sadness, degradation  from people and so on. She carefully tries to paint an evil image of me in the eyes of others so that they would look at me as evil and unworthy of their help. My sister who has to little or no personality probably out of self preservation is now the toast of the extended family while I am just the outcast. I remember a time when I was younger and a large big bad wolf type of woman moved into our neighbor hood and she kept feeding alot of negative information about me to her. One day me and my older sister had a fight because she always tried to provoke and annoy me for her entertainment(she by the way stated that she hated me because of the fact that she was trying to gain my mother's approval). The woman came and all of a sudden gave me three huge slaps across my face, proceeded to tell my sister to slap me three times pulled off my top and took a whip to beat me terribly. My mother was watching with a lot of happiness and satisfaction. The woman also embarrassed me in public in front of everyone, proceeded to curse me out by calling a stupid girl and an idiot. Here was a woman that I had no dealings with or never offended. Funny enough, when she wanted to over do her boundaries by attempting to target my sister (Golden child) that is when my mother yelled at her because she was about to verbally attack my sister. The woman moved out of the neighborhood about a week later. The summary of everything is if you want to be on her good side and gain her approval you have to  hate me. Her driver years ago paid dearly for this...with  his life because  she claimed that he was drunk  and involved in an accident (That's another thing...she has never driven in her life and cannot drive so others have to do so for her). My brother is under her spell and I hope he gets out.He does not like me because of her. I was almost eliminated two times because I dared to express my sadness about her wickedness. No one would believe the horror i went through and i cant even say it. A great tool of an evil abuser is to keep their victims silent unless they would try to eliminate them.  She is a big liar and lies about everything in her life. A great false accuser and always pointing fingers. She tries to study people so she can know how to use them for her purpose. She lied and claimed that she was not there when her mother died  and she later on says she was inquiring about some events from her mother until the day she died? I'm thinking....hmmmm but I thought you were not there? that's a big question mark. I Just thank God for what Jesus said...stuff done in the dark would come to light, words said in whispers would be proclaimed on the rooftop. In the end she would be exposed and it is happening little by little.

I prefer if she dealt with me one on one but when you go involving everyone you come in contact with to try to bring me down then that is too much. She also loves setting traps for me so I can unknowingly fall but now I have to fully understand that she does hates me and she wants the worst for me which is depression and then me hurting myself but I refuse to give in. You even need to see her face when I get my hair done...she looks so angry and sick to her stomach. My happiness makes her feel sick which makes me not want to desire to be happy. She would rather endure poverty than live in abundance and see that things are going fine for me. I've never met a more evil and hateful woman. When she is ready to be well off she hopes I wont be alive but I would be By God's abundant grace

She would be damned if she is ever in a position where she would take up her responsibility of taking care of her children. She would rather die than see me being well adjusted and stable in life. I have been to 5 different high schools and three colleges now. She still will not offer a dime for my welfare and does not  care. I recently  told her I had absolutely nothing to eat and was losing  weight as a result but she didn't care. I actually almost fainted  out of hunger  She was like "I would love to see how slim you have become" and no talk of "oh Let me buy you a little grocery". This spring has shown the great height of her wickedness and I am trying within my power to completely cut her off and have nothing to do with her because she is trying to send me into and early grave.

P.P.S Like everyone says this woman absolutely has 0 friends and her sisters dislike her also.

Avatar universal
by blondi727, May 10, 2012
Your mother sounds like my monster in law!  Cut all will be happier without the drama and tension.  Don't listen when people say "you should make up, she's family".  If you wouldn't allow a friend to emotionally bash you, why would you allow a family member to abuse you?  Do NOT feel guilty by cutting's called self preservation!  Stay strong and move on with out the *****!  

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by lewiejay, May 14, 2012
i am wanting to cut ties with my mother altogether,ive tried on a number of occasions but i stupidly still go back
i spoke to her the other day on the phone and all she was interested was to go about her self and walk over everything i said,she doesant ask about my children,shows no interest.
i am begining to really despise her and trying to get others who have normal relationships with their mothers is difficult for them to understand how much i dislike my own mother.
she is bitter and nasty about everyone,even members of family,she casts up any money she gives out and trys to make out if people are scroungers for taking it of her,she is a two faced manipulating nasty piece of work.
i am actually in my home,thinking just now,shall i answer my phone later as i know for certain she will phone,i only recently gave her my mobile number,now i wish i hadent.
im her battering ram contionously,she moans how bad her life is but does nothing to sort it out,she seems t think that her whole family owe her,all she has don ethrough our life is put us down,give us lack of confidence by hitting us and calling us names.
im a grown woman and i feel she still has some hold of me,i get angry and annoyed when i speak to her and its going to come atime when i will fall out with her yet again and not speak for a while until she starts  bombarding me with letters or coming to my home.
she just doesant get it,i wish she would just leave me alone,there would be no love loss,she is bitter and jealous in anything i do.i cant tell her i got another poem published or article printed in a newspaper as she doesant want to know.
anything no matter how big or small it is i am so proud of my children and always tell them i love them.
my mother could only tell me she loved me when she was drunk.
i just want out thjis farce of a mother and daughter so called relationship,its got to a point where i will just have to move  and dont tell her where we are going,its hard when the kids are settled.sorry yet again for the rant,i must have written on here a lot,but i honestly feel its theraputic just getting it of my chest,god bless everyone x

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by lara175, May 28, 2012
I have just read the first comment and am about to read through the others.  I just want to say that what you are describing in the first comment really describes my own mother.  However, my mother is harder to figure out, since she fluctuates back and forth between being nice, kind, supportive and understanding, and being the very negative person you have described, who appears to resent me for looking and seeming in personality like my father, who was good to me but treated her very badly before he died when I was very small.  I have his basic personality in many ways, I am nothing like her own family in looks or nature, but I am not abusive at all (this was his behaviour, he wasn't born that way!), and being opposite to her and her family in personality means that I am also extremely sensitive, impressionable, quiet, and polite.  Everyone else sees me as being slightly shy, friendly and very sensitive and kind, but she doesnt see this at all and only sees me in a very negative light, and tells me I am aggressive, when I am the opposite of aggressive and very seldom have a problem with anyone (I'm usually shy in aggressive situations), and she in fact is aggressive.  Also, I make friends very easily but she doesnt, and now that she has begun to lash out at people (not just at me, which she has done for years but is getting worse now that she is also older), many people including her own relatives are afraid to call her or deeply angry with her.  It is actually me who encouraged many of them to contact her again since I was worried about her being isolated, although she doesnt know this.  Since I was a child, she would blame me and my father for "ruining her life" (after his death).  She never dated or even made friends with other men after he died.  She always denied that she was resentful or bitter or anti-men, blaming me for falsely accusing her if I referred to any of it.  When there is a difference of opinion between her and anyone else, she is always right and the other one is always wrong, but it is worse with me than anyone else.  She considers her personality to be the best way of being, and a sensitive more intuitive personality which is open to all sides of an argument and willing to admit one's mistakes (as I am) as being wrong.  

She has hurt me for years and made me feel like there was something wrong about me.  At the same time, she often praised me and encouraged me, which has always been confusing, along with her own denials.  I also have many memories of her hurting me, along with very good memories.  She was also overly strict with me and she is still, and still treats me as though I am a child who musn't defend myself to her since this would be "extremely bad behaviour" and even "abusive".  She also tries to confuse other people about me.  People who dont know me well can get confused and this hurts me very much.  Her own relatives though don't get confused and told me they are on my side, but they live far away so I can seldom see them in my life.  

I also made an effort not to be like her, but since she was so controlling it took me some time to see her behaviour for what it is.  Also, I had a very confused time with dating since she always interefered with it, so she made it difficult for me to figure out whether to stay with a date or not since I felt I wasnt making my own decisions.  This is much better now since I am stronger and no longer tell her so many details.  

I cant move on since I am concerned that she is a bit isolated, but I am trying to maintain a decent relationship with her without getting hurt myself, which is hard since she blames me for everything, wont listen to my side of anything, and knows how to push my buttons.  Hopefully I can keep away from sensitive topics with her most of the time, but sometimes they still come up without my realizing it.  

I dont hate her since I am also spiritual and believe in God, too.  

Any feedback would help!  It's good to see that others are in the same situation.  

Avatar universal
by abby55555, Jun 09, 2012
Lara, your mother isn't nice, kind and understanding, she simply manipulates you back into position. I couldn't believe how many many years it took me to work this out. There is a pattern. She is nasty and then you are in pain. Then she is nice and you are back in range for the next round. Over and over and over and over. And still we stay. It's amazing.

Lewiejay, just start by not answering the phone. Just don't answer the phone.

My friend told me the other day I go back because it's the only emotional link I have. But I go less and less. I brought up some of the abuse to my brother's wife and she told my brother and he told my mother. My mother goes into overdrive. Ho hum. Anyway I think it's almost over. I think because I brought up something truly terrible, she has let go, no doubt convincing everyone it is I who am mad. As a little girl she told me I was mad every day. The problem is we need to grow a backbone. These monsters have no right to be in our lives. No right at all. None. If they are lonely and alone good. They deserve every bit of it. Get on ya bike and get the hell out of there.

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by mesimply, Jun 16, 2012
I googled hateful mothers and it landed me here. Read the first few posts...a few in the middle and now I'm posting myself....geez.
The list of mean, cruel, spiteful, unkind, unthinkable things my mom has done towards me is, as it seems, endless. I could list them but that would only add to the sadness and I've learned that love does not keep a record of wrongs. That has brought a lot of healing to my weary daughter heart.
At age 51 I've yet to understand how any one could be so hateful. My mistake all of these years has been allowing her sick ways to cause me such heart ache....the ache of my heart is so deep and acheing that there are just no words to discribe it accurately.
I have loved her in my adult yrs with a love that can only come from a loving God. Love like that I do not possess on my own accord. But even with that kind of love I've repeatedly been met with a vileness that can only be evil.
For years I've searched my heart and mind wondering..."what did I do...what did I say?"
I've come to accept I didn't do anything....I didn't say anything....I really am the innocent one here.
And sadly, if her heart remains unchanged, she will die all alone in a big house full of pictures of herself.

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by lewiejay, Jun 18, 2012
after last night thats it, my horrible mother spoke to my brother who had not phoned her in a while,he's has a demanding job and a couple of kids and lives in a different country,he told  her a few home truths because she constantly moaned at him for not phoning and just wanted to go on about her self and she dident like it, and because i stuck up for him when she phoned me to complain,she basically told me where to go and hung up on me,now ive blocked her number from my mobile,she is an evil nasty woman,thanks abby5555 for your advice,ive tried so many times to finally realise this ive had enough,im sorry you and many others on this page,which feels we have the same vile mother,its heart wrenching just wanting a normal relatoinship,but alas its not meant to be,i told my mum she will end up alonely old woman,because th eshe treats people,that was years ago and she still doesant get it,as long as we have others to love and to be loved ourselves by others thats the main thing,take care all for now and god bless x

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by lovinyou12, Jun 26, 2012

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by Addie756, Jul 05, 2012
Hello. I am commenting because I am pretty much in the EXACT same situation! Except a younger version...I am 18 years old. I have an older brother whom my mom had when she was 18 and me when she was 21. She did not want us. Now I have a younger sister who is 7 years old. My mother is very unsupportive of me yet she likes to take the credit of everything I have done when she talks to her "friends." She calls me names such as "*****" and "crazy" etc. She is also an alcoholic(i think.) She drinks at least a bottle of wine every night but claims this is not alcoholic behavior...My stepfather used to say I would be just like her. I denied it. There is no way I could! Just like your situation I live my life trying NOT to be like my mother. It truly scares me. I hate it when people tell me i look like her walk like her etc or compare us because we are not alike. She completely abandoned my brother when he turned 18 and she is doing the same for me. I have figured out college loans, signing up for classes, living arrangements all by myself. Though she still brags that her daughter is going to engineering school and then turns around and calls me names and puts me down. Recently, when my mom went out for a run(she runs like 5 mi a day), she got tired and asks me to pick her up about 3 miles from our house. When I get there she told me to get in passenger seat because she was going to drive. I get out to go to passenger seat and while doing so she drives off and leaves me at a park 3 miles from our house. So  I had to walk all the way home. Why did she do this? Because I didnt answer my phone.(I was driving and therefore could not because it is illegal.) Anyways, my stepfather is trying to divorce her(which she has actually been asking him to do ever since i could remember) but she wont sign divorce paper. So now he wont sign my parent loan unless she signs divorce paper. We(brother and stepfather) all tell her that she needs phycological help, but just like your mother she blames it on EVERYONE else. Like you I have prayed my whole life but have learned that it is impossible to change a person. Another thing is I have always loved to go to church and she is against that but then talk about her catholic background like she knows what she is talking about but doesnt. I feel terribly sorry for my sister if she has to live with her the rest of her life without a sibling to talk to like I had.(my bro) Some memories i have is her trying to commit suicide a couple times. My dad stopped her the first time and i witnessed it. Then i stopped her by taking away her keys when she said she was gonna crash her car but got hurt by her in the process. She always thinks that somebody is plotting against her and is very insecure. I pity her yet I cannot live with her in my life anymore. I have tried talking with her several times but she never listens. I have tried to love her. my freshman year of high school i still gave her a hug and kiss everynight before bed and said "i love you" but she never said it back. I now realize that she doesnt love me and never wanted me. I mean...she left the guy she conceived me with and i just met him at 17 years of age.(biological dad) On my 18th birthday she screamed at me while i was driving..calling me a B_-_H and swearing at me. Saying i was getting into her and my stepdads business just because i talk to my stepdad after he moved out a few weeks ago. I know i will be better off without her. I am thankful to know that it is a good choice to get away from her.

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by BLACK1261, Jul 14, 2012

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by Emmie71, Jul 15, 2012
When I first googled mean nasty mom I really thought just teenagers mad at there moms would pop up. I'm so glad to see all of your story's and know I'm not alone. I think this really shows it's a mental disorder I do think it's the narsasism. Has anyone married a narsacist after being raised by one? It seems to be the way alot of us go.
I'm 42 fathers gone raised by my mom if that's what you can call it. I supply her with a home a car and some bills the second I don't comply to her demands I'm evil. She told one relative who was not siding with her agents me that she was choosing a money over blood. My mother only views me as a paycheck not blood. Then she called my daughter a ***** and told my nice I was trying to kill her. All of this becouse I'm fixing up her home (because she bitched at me because it wasn't nice enough) and she's displaced for a few weeks. I've completely gone broke on fixing up her home and still it's not good enough. My daughter stood up to her and was called a ***** she was so scared she thought she was going to hit her. My mother is 68 and I can't take the a use anymore I wanted a parent so bad even a bad one would do until my daughter got hurt.
I've decided I'm done. I'll still pay for her home and car and ins. But beyond that I'm finally done.
It's nit hard to walk away when the one your walking from couldnt care less.
Why do we have this need for there approval? Why is it so hard for us to finally say I'm done? What's turned them into such hateful beast?
One thing we all have in common is the love for our kids. I tell my children all the time how much I love them how amazing they are and I have faith in them to go out and do great things in life.
But I'm, we... Are the invested parent.
I love and think you all are amazing for living through this type of mom and raising your children the right way giving them the love they need to be great people in our world!!!

Avatar universal
by Emmie71, Jul 15, 2012
To asadgirl,
Please let your mom go!!!  Let that family go when you need help maybe seek out your aunt. Pretend they all died and you can't talk to them I'm serious your mom sounds very crazy!!! I know we all have very bad moms but if yours has allowed you to be sexually and physically abused and has tried to kill you herself what more needs to be said. MOVE ON before you waist one more tear. Talk to your college counselor for help she can recommend many avenues to get help for yourself. Don't give this women one more second of your precious time you are to valuable to be wasted on someone like that! Hold your head up get your dagre and have an amazing life!

Avatar universal
by Jennifer617, Aug 05, 2012
I am 38 years old married with 3 kids. All I have to say is I will never ever be a mother that my mother is. I thought I was alone having a mother who is toxic. I now feel relieved. I dont want to bore anyone with my story but my mother left me on the streets since I was 12. I was always an inconvience, make a long story short I am the oldest of 3 , my father wanted me to be a boy so I did everything a boy was suppose to do and my mother always told me I was ugly and stupid and never will be anything. Well I am someone I am an amazing wife and mother of a 19,18 and a 8 year old. One day I will be a grandmother and I will have a chance to help my kids help there kids grow. I am everything my mother and father werent. They favor my 2 sisters but they came out screwed up like them so I am glad my mother threw me on the streets at 12 even though I was raped and became an alcholic at 12 because of the streets. But I learned and grew up real fast and appreciate life a hell of a lot more if I was to have stayed around. But I wish I had a mom to share my thoughts and love with but I have my own perfect family. I am greatful.

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by horwellsaga757, Aug 09, 2012
This is classic for many older women, it does not usually manifest it's self in older men for some reason. My mother is ~80 and she has turned into a nasty bitter rude old woman. She 'collects' relatives - she only has one real grand child which she has not seen for ~30 years so every kid she meeds go on her photo wall of fame as her 'step grand children, adopted step grandchildren....' its very sad.

She makes snap judgements about people and is very manipulative, one of her friends had a fella who, at the start she liked, then when she noticed her friend become more attached all she did was slag him off and even said to her friend ' if you see him again im having nothing to do with you!!...'

She calls people 'slags' and other derogitory terms, easecially her 'adopted daughter' Mandy. She only tollerates her, she says, so she can have contact with her daughter, Laura who she is NO relative to in any way what so ever, but when it suits her Mandy is her step daughter and Laura is her special sted grand daughter!!!

Her memory is so bad it is embarrasing, she does not know how to behave in public, she is opionionated, very very tactless, ignorant and rude.

Her three sons, well, the one who is a high acheiver, a Scientist for god sake, she does not understand and has no respect for and no matter how much he explains his work, she choses to listen to her two older sons - both under acheivers who are jealous of his acheivements. He no longer involver her or any of his family in his life - is is a lonely 40 year old man who is so lovely, its a shame.

How she has changed in the past 5 years is terrible and sad to see. My dad is dead, he would have kept her in reality.

Horwell saga

Avatar universal
by Modelno77, Aug 11, 2012
I have read these stories above, and I wish I could express my injustice but after 30 years of deception i find it impossible to comprehend the destruction one women has caused, it is so painful and heart rendering the energy required to explain 30 years in a paragraph or two would be insignificant, I'm not saying the above experiences of these people aren't bad I can understand how these people are perplexed to find a ' mother to be so evil', I  remember  it was hard convincing myself when i was growing up, so i carried on not seeing the truth until she destroyed me. The thing is in life when you are aware that it is a stranger who is unkind or jealous or devious you can cross the road and avoid them because you have identified it but why didn't you realise this about her? Because she is a manipulative two faced pretending to be normal for attention , she thrived for attention but to her disgust you had the attention, because you was a beautiful innocent teenage girl, everywhere I went people were astonished, I never cared about myself, some saw it as arrogance, I never knew i could achieve anything, now I see it was a curse , but that's just an excuse I have many excuses for her and can't even begin to tell you how she destroyed my family, it's just sometimes you wish you was making it up, just for your sanity you see it's hard when justce does not prevail, she killed my dad she did not receive punishment because she wasn't exposed because she knew us kids would take flight and leave her to herself and her sins , but instead she kept us never loved us and had showed all her attention to boyfriends, whilst manipulating and belittling me because I showed greater potential .

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by Modelno77, Aug 11, 2012
Sorry I had to come bak in segments because I feel the above what I wrote doesn't even touch the surface of what this evil women did and is still pretending to be perfect. I have too much to say but it's hard when no one stands up for you , I just hope someone out there knows howl I feel, how can she claim to be a good mother when she killed the only innocent soul (my dad), just because he loved us and didn't show much affection for her because she bullied him., Infact I only just found out recently what she did to him and concluded to me why my sister has been bullying and trying to destroy my life, it's because she used to bully her as a child, my sister always told us but I'm afraid no one believed her she made her look like she was the spoilt evil child but in fact she was mentally abusing her, so because I was innocent and a hearted girl I had to be her mother even though I was younger than her, I listened to her encouraged her, told her but unfortunately against my better jugdement she didn't feel the same  about me and went out of her way to destroy my ambition and put me down by whispering stuff to me when I'm the one who used to take her to all my friends homes who loved me and often told me to dance for birthdays parties( stuff u do when your a teenage girl, but when there backs were turnedmy sister whispered things like u can't even dance, iknow it doesn't sound bad but it was the way she used to do on the sly , I wish all the things she said were in front of others but now i realise she would never do that she played me because i was kind, i now know you dont get anything in this world if you are kind, your just stupid compared to these morans that you trust .she knew I had confidence but for thirty years she was on a mission to destroy me every time I acheived something or got a job I wanted to tell these two evil women but i didn't know why they was avoiding my happiness I just wanted someone to ask me how was your day just once in my life, I wanted someone to care, I know people like friends care but u don't appreciate them because u want approved off the deceitful wankers because they kept slying around you even if you find someone who loves you then they see that and come round trying to win your affections and because your in a happy place you let them back in your life and you do the most horrendous thing, you forgive them or at worst don't bring up the past, yet you can see now the devious in their eyes,

Avatar universal
by Modelno77, Aug 11, 2012
Sorry I had to come bak, because the dynamics of this evil women are beyond my explanation, you know she used to bully my dad, just because he had brown skin and everyone in her family was white, I mean what the **** ? She still at this present time is claiming to be a good mother when she has finished off my innocent brothers she had an affair with a man who was married then when his family came to chase her she ran off to a hostel and this emotionally affected us because who was not loved in the first place, one of the brother started taking drugs and the other is mentally ill and all this began when she did this, but to tell you the truth we should have known this person doesn't care for us after what she did to my dad, she took us away from him and pretended she was a battered woman so when he tried to contact us the police used to beat him up, that used to destroy my soul, but she told all these lies and a kid just believes what there told even if it is total crap, after 12 years my dAd found a way to be with us thanks to distant relative, so we used to spend summer holidays with him and boy we'd never felt so loved and appreciated in my life but then because on day I remember iwas colouring in and she was talking to my dad on the phone then I heard her say in a angry ***** tone you'll never see your kids like she didn't give a **** after all she could do what she wanted and get away with it. A week later there was a phone call to say he was dead, because I knew he couldn't take the

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by WhyHurt, Aug 14, 2012
Thank you for sharing.  My mother has said been very abusive and now in her old age has turned things around that it is all bull****, lies.  Blames me for others telling her how nasty she has been saying that I have made this up and have caused her a lot of grief.  Has made me a good mother as I would never want a child to go through the torment.  I've worked hard to educate myself, and continue to help my child get the best eduction.  I would never say the hurtful things, attack physically and mentally, degrade, humiliate and alienate anyone, let alone my own child.  She has taught me valuable lessons on how not to conduct myself and I am a better person for it.  

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by WhyHurt, Aug 14, 2012
Some of the more memorable things she regularly said to people were:  "I wish I could have laid eggs, at least I could have stepped on them."; "I should have raised pigs, at least I'd have pork."  At social gatherings, family get-togethers she would hit me very hard and say "That was for nothing, now try something."  Which was hard to take since the other mothers were so loving towards their children and I couldn't comprehend the difference.  

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by just_thinking, Aug 23, 2012
It pains me to see so many in the same boat. My mother-in-law is now 82. She has always been a chronic liar and slanderer. As she gets older, she only gets worse. She demands one child lie to another, a son to his wife, she swears like a trucker and cons thousands of dollars out of her children and grandchildren. I had to close the door on her some years back to protect my family. She clearly wishes I and a number of other family members simply didn't exist.  Shame on these heartless mothers everywhere. They are leaving a legacy of hurt, depression, suicidal thoughts and sorrow in their wake.

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by H8dStepson, Aug 27, 2012
My Stepfather is 85..... However, I've known him since he was 72, when he married my mother. VERY sad day for our family, as we knew what a self absorbed pervert he was(borderline sociopath, if not full blown). However, it's become FAR more discouraging over the years as he's basically worn my mother to near collapse/breakdown. UNFORTUNATELY, in many ways, my mother is a TOTAL "optimist"... This has turned her into a door mat for, now, 3 men since my father. (First one abused me and was quite perverted/walked around nude and answered the door that way to me and my friends at 8-10yrs old, etc..... He also fraudulently mortgages the house in Santa Monica{now worth 1.5 Million} til we lost it, after my father had left her with a 45K dollar mortgage.// Second guy was NEARLY worse... Cheated, blamed her, then left her for a woman in her building... then tried to take EVERYTHING, even though my mother was CLEARLY the bread winning Doctor she was// Third guy.... Well, here we are now :(  ...........)

To the point.... In 2003 he had a stroke.... I moved in to care for him, full time, and around 2007, June, HE HAD FINALLY become independent enough for me to leave.... (all the time inbetween, while he NEEDED me there, he was HORRIBLE to me and accused me of sleeping with my mother behind his back, AND MORE).... In that same month, June, 2007, my mother had a stroke, fairly big one. While in the hospital, he blamed me, "You killed your mother!"... to the point that other family about killed him right there in the waiting room. IT WAS TERRIBLE. After 10 days, she came home.... and the VERY DAY she laid down to start her 'home recovery' with 20 hours sleep a day, my stepfather would CONSTANTLY wake her and tell her he wanted sex! THAT got so bad that my sister and I told him, "WE HAVE AN INTERCOM IN HERE, if you wake her one more time, she's moving in with my sister and you'll be alone, for good"...... He would not stop fully, but slowed down a bit(and we DID in fact have an intercom). He also wanted her to start doing all his morning breakfast, etc., right away when coming home.... We put that to rest by trying to put her in the spare room, across the hall... NOPE, he'd go in there and wake her, yelling, "You're my wife! You are cheating on me with your son and other men! You sleep with your husband, or I want a divorce" ..... Well, obviously divorce would have been ideal, IMHO.... BUT, you can't FORCE a man or woman to leave a MORON/PSYCHO WITCH! Let me just say..... my stepfather has been NOTHING but a nightmarish, selfish, evil minded person to all of us since I've known him, and up to November, 2011, it didn't get much better..........

I eventually moved out, but at request of my sister, I moved back in full time because of my mothers Appendectomy that nearly turned fatal. During that healing? SAME THING, Mr. Evil Heart was back at work on her, demanding sex, etc. By this time, and until now, I've stepped in and SHUT HIM DOWN! This did not help our relationship any(not that ANYTHING would)... But in November, 2011..... my stepfather was about to die due to 'aortic stenosis' and 'Multiple bypass being needed'.... AT 84 YEARS OLD, the Cardiologist scared him into doing it, as "He would DIE BY CHRISTMAS, no doubt(quite true, I believe it) if he didn't have the triple bypass and aortic valve replacement surgery".... At first, his HATRED, loathing hatred for doctors kept him from deciding to do the surgery. HOWEVER, ..... he quickly changed his mind because his VULTURES for kids were FINALLY there, after 12 years of HARDLY EVER SEEING THEM.... once they knew he was actually mortal/in danger of passing. IMMEDIATELY, my stepfathers children started in on the 'we want to see the living trust... It's like we're paying for you and your mom to live there. After all, you did this reverse mortgage and now we have to pay all that back when he passes'..... PAYING FOR ME TO LIVE THERE? Lemme just say quickly.... IN REALITY, in a world of balance, where people like me DO NOT serve for nothing the needs of reprobates..... I would have been GETTING PAID, on top of the 10x10 room that I so graciously GET TO live in while caring for their father!.... TOTAL PIGS! .......Just like their father, to be honest..........

Regarding the whole episode with my stepfathers children; {{{ During my stepfathers open heart surgery, His daughter was visiting from NorCal, coincidentally, because of her sons upcoming hernia surgery(plus to party, PLENTY, which she did).... And upon the time her dad was to be coming home, we spoke with her, and made it clear... Having another person here, TOO long after his's just too much/too crowded. We're used to it the way it is, and to be honest, your coming and going at all hours, your wanting to get paid for care-giving for your dad, is too much to handle. Stay for a while, but just let us know when you plan on going home, ok?" This sparked a FULL ON TANTRUM by her and she fled over to her Brothers house(the BIGGEST PIG/VULTURE I'VE EVER MET), where she said, "They want me to leave, eventually", with tears in her eyes.(she's 55, keep in mind, and the son is 52). The Son of my stepfather then went into a HUGE slew of accusatory statements to relay to us through his sister(what a *****!), because he didn't want to deliver the messages himself. It got so bad, all the while her father was still in the recovery/nursing home, that my stepsister would come, acting as the "mediator", she said, and deliver us messages from my stepbrother and his POLICEWOMAN girl friend.... Asking, "They say just show us the living trust, and everything will be ok/go away. It's just that they feel like we're paying for you to live there and, well, even though my brother knows that the trust says we get the house, he doesn't like the reverse mortgage and..." on and on. At this point, I told her, "GO TO HELL! How dare you put my fairly feeble mother through this stuff."..... To which she came to us again during a visit to her father, stating, "OK, now my brothers girlfriend, the cop, has said she's called 'elderly abuse on you and your mother, because you allowed him to have all the vitamins he wanted, which the surgeon felt were too much... and, that you probably are doing that to try and slowly kill him so that you and your mom can get the house", ........etc. and so on. WTH???? First of all, my stepbrother had LOST his copy of the living trust... and I HAD NEVER SEEN IT! But it CLEARLY said that they could have the house after MY MOTHER passed away, granting their father passed away first. I was NO WHERE in it, other than to get her property like rings, furniture, etc.... SECONDLY, TRYING TO KILL HIM BY ORDERING THE VITAMINS HEEEEEE WANTEDDDDDDDDD?(he has a bit of a language barrier... He can speak english ok, but get's too frustrated when they phone operators can't understand him.... And if my mom DID NOT place that order? You know what kind of hell he would put her through? THIRDLY, HE'S A GROWN MAN, never declared incapable of making his own decisions.... NOTHING I could do to stop him from getting those, which he would have done one way or the other. LASTLY? How did they know that he was taking so many vitamins and that the heart surgeon and his nurse didn't like it? BECAUSE I BROUGHT THEM ALL TO THE HOSPITAL! I WAS the one that was concerned by this, and even though they'd KNOWN, FOR YEARS, that their father was taking up to 30-40 vitamins a day, ....even though I'd MANY TIMES told them, "Maybe talk to him, he might listen to you!"... They try to accuse me and my mother of attempted murder??? Anyhow... Shortly after he came home from the nursing home to live in his own house...., here, .... his daughter began, at first, saying, "I'm not going to leave, ...and you can't make me, this is my father!" ..... We quickly realized this was all about money/tempered with a LIL concern for her father... And equally as quickly, we began investigating as to whether there actually was a claim with the Police dept.(quite a conflict of interest if you ask me, being that the COP was the girlfriend of my stepfather's son!).... SURE ENOUGH, it looks as if she did..... And they investigated in the nursing home, ...and my stepfather told them, "My son, Mark(that's me) will take good care of me when I come home. I can't garden like I used to or fix things, so he does everything, all the cooking and cleaning and he can help me like he was before my surgery... I was falling a lot... If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have even gone to the hospital,...he had to force me, physically, because I was literally fighting him off. But now I'm going to be ok, and if he stays there with us, I can stay at home I think."......... YEAH, that's what I thought! And, well, within 3 weeks, she'd gotten her partying in, and as I dumped 80% of the load on her(waking with him, to pee, all the meds, diabetic maintenance), and coupled with the fact that her Husband up north was about to say 'enough with this'... she changed her tune, and at that point said, "Wow, ya know, your REALLY great to my dad... I'm sorry for all the trouble that happened(CUZ OF HER, I MIGHT ADD!).... I feel totally comfortable with his care(as if I give a CRAP) and my hubby misses me....and my daughter needs me up there in Spokane, not far from where we're working(her and her hubby are now in, where they lived all along, Alaska.... They were just in NorCal working for her hubby's daughter)...... And she left, QUICKLY! What a shock, right? Well, she's called around 10 times since leaving(9 months) and my stepbrother? Who lives exactly 8 miles away? He's been here 5 times since his father came home in December, 2011.  }}}....... I just wanted to share, in part, some of what my mother and I have dealt with, EVEN ASIDE from all the crap brought on by my stepfather.

Before the surgery, he was blacking out and REALLY losing his ability to stand too long, let alone walk safely. Falling down, etc. Let me quickly add all that he's physically battling, before going on; Type 2 Diabetes for 30 years/ Diabetic Neuropathy(terrible numbness and pain in the legs at times)/Spinal Stenosis(which causes CONSTANT, every 30 minute urination at times-25-30 times a day on the bedside and couch side toilets as well as seemingly sporadic loss of pain in legs caused by neuropathy...BUT, also, EVEN LESS use of legs due to swelling around spinal chord)/  POSSIBLY sporadic dementia?(I'll expound and ask for thoughts on this)/ sporadic-severe fear of death, which comes with CONSTANTLY attempting to get up in an effort to try and prove to myself that 'he can still walk if he just 'pushes through it' '......

This stuff has led, since he's been Home, December 15th, 2011, to him being an ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE to give care-giving to. I am a private Chef(had to leave my career of running restaurants and designing menus for private field in order to fulfill my choice to care for him/help my mother in this care-giving, before it kills her. Here are his symptoms/nightmarish circumstances therein;

1. He's urinating, as mentioned, 25-30 times a day, and will NOT wear/agree to a catheter. This means he's up, from bedtime(11pm) to the point that he comes out to the couch for breakfast(10am-12pm the next day), around 10-15 times, depending on severity of spinal stenosis. This means I'm FINALLY able to get to sleep by 4-5am and am forced to get up, most often, at 10am(he's on his own until my mom is awake at around 6:30AM/ She has a monitor for the Baby Monitor in his room as well)...... I've not gotten a solid nights sleep in over 8 months! Sometimes, he slides down to his knees or falls when trying to get to the bedside toilet... and I'm awakened by my mother to go in and get him up and back to bed. This is often after 2 hours sleep, after which I have a very hard time in getting back to sleep. ON TOP OF THIS, the next day, around 50% of the time, sometimes more, he's urinated on the floor pads that I have on top of a computer chair slider.... or on the edge of the bed, after he's sat on the edge of the bed with his depends down a bit and just peed.... Then gotten back into the bed with NO Depends(cuz he's soaked them)... Which can also lead to him wetting the sheets, which I have to then change and change the pads/rubber sheet beneath.

2. Once he's up, and I'm trying to organize jobs/get something coming in for myself, I'm forced to often come in, during the day, to either pic him up from the floor or clean up his urine from the pads I have to keep beneath him, wherever he sits/wherever the porta-toilets are.  I also have to come in quite often, because he's fallen or slowly went down to his knees when his legs wont support him more than a couple feet.... Or sometimes just right where he stands up from the couch(My mother can not AND IS NOT ALLOWED to try and lift him... And because he wont refrain from reaching out to grab onto her, I've had to FORCE HER, via threats that I'll leave and force her hand, to stand back and say, "NOPE, Ervin, I can't do it, you have to wait til I get my son!".... )

3. Also involved in my day is all the shopping, getting of meds, cooking, as well as working whenever I can SQUEEZE IT IN(which is almost NEVER now.... WHICH HAS GOTTEN ME BEYOND broke and now in debt!)... MANY times while I'm out shopping.... There is a call to me, declaring, "He's fallen, ... I wont help him, like you told me, but when you can get here, you can help him up"... which of course has led me to have to leave whatever I'm out doing for them and come home... Even causing me to LEAVE A JOB on a couple occasions where he's fallen right on his face on the carpet or back against a wall and really rug burned his face or literally cut the back of his head.

4. HE'S A TERRIBLE PERSON, 90% of the time. NO gratitude, total entitlement, and will NOT listen, nor take ANY direction.... often TEARING his hand away or striking at mine when I INSIST that something has to be a certain way(or, for example, like when I notice that he's jerking around and tinkering with something when he should just stay on TRACK AND GET ON THE FREAKING TOILET.... So I'll say>>> They will pay for 1 nurse per 8 people before they'll pay for 1 nurse to one person, privately, in home!......... )


Bless you all and all of yours!


Avatar universal
by H8dStepson, Aug 29, 2012
I just wanted to apologize for venting so extensively on a subject that is not really meant for this forum.... Sorry guys/gals. I've just been SO OVERWHELMED that I am on the verge of nervous breakdowns, regularly. The sad part I didn't mention, which really makes me feel for you all even more.... My mother is ANGELIC!(a bit too kind and trusting, which has sucked in every succubus-of-joy man that she's had in her life....... but nonetheless angelic).

I will look for a place to post this that's appropriate....

Thanks for your understanding!

1248826 tn?1270460657
by lewiejay, Aug 30, 2012
H8dstepson,dont apoligise,everyone has the right to vent how they feel,should it be a mother or stepfather you are obviously feeling a lot of stress with this absive selfish uncaring old man,,you have the right to feel the way you do.
the responsibilty should not be left on your shoulders,you need help or to be brutal just cut all ties altogether,the man is making you misreable.
you have the right to a life and your not getting it,with having to deal what you have to deal with.
in what ive read,,you seem to be left with everything on your shoulders while,everyone stirs up rubbish and you
take the burden.
you should speak to someone,who can help out in this situation,its unfair and it is distressing you to the point you feel
you could have a nervous breakdown,,,believe me ive felt that way with my vile,,which i feel too borderline sociopathic mother,,,no quality of life will be gained if we pander to these people,,they love to be in control and watch the misery they inflict.
it doesant matter what age tehy are,i they are capabale of using their nasty minds to try to control peoples nature they should be able to make choices for their own wellbeing,,
my mum is unhappy so she wants me and others to be unhappy,,,she tries to lay the guilt on me with her health and how she doesant go out,,and i should be there for her,,,but why the hell should i im a 45 year old woman with a partner and children and now after all these years ive stopped playing her mind games,,,ive cut ties and im not going to feel guilty anymore.
you are your own person and deserve happiness,,you only get one shot of live,theres no curtain call.
so try and please if you can hold your head high and either walk away or get some other to take care of him
everything you do is getting thrown  in your face,ask yourself if its worth any more pain or heartache.
you deserve a life,god bless and try and stay strong!

Avatar universal
by Betsy999, Sep 07, 2012
I had a neighboor call my mother daily and when I answered the phone she would ask to speak with "mommy dearest".
At seven years old I did not understand. These woman are evil and self centered.  My mother told me she had children because everyone else did.  She is a manipulative liar and will try to turn any family member against me.  Amy conflict is my fauly 100% of the time.
She has made sure she has had the best of everything before fufulling any of her families needs.  She is the ultimate narcacisst and I hope she is miserable the rest of the days of her life.  I forgive her as she is ill and like others give it up to God.
She is destructive to my life and I am glad is not involved in it in anyway.  She never should have had children and is not deserving of this great gift from god.  Nothing can satisfy this woman or her colluding husband and I am so glad I realize this and am not trying.  

Avatar universal
by simmy721, Sep 08, 2012
My mother has played games all my life. She is a manipulating witch. When we were small, she was all hugs and emotional and made us cling to her and was over protective. As we became teenagers, we were *******, sluts, didnt care about her, she was jealous of us, talked badly to us, talked behind my back to my sister and the other way around and to my dad. She had to be the centre of attention all the time.  She put everyone against everyone to make her the hero. All my friends she hated and told me they hated me and she was the only one i could trust. She feigned illness at the drop of a hat. She was never interested in developing me as a person. Only manipulating to get her own way and would stab you in the back when you werent around.  I adored her when I was little till one day I spoke to her on the phone, and when i hung up, the phone didnt actually hang up, and Iheard heard talking about me to my father saying what a little ***** I was and how i was stupid and selfish and crazy and will never amount to anything, two seconds ago she was as nice as pie telling me how much she loved me.  Since that day i have hated her and my father who is also extremly criticizing. They are both in their late 70's now and are getting worse. I have two boys, one with adhd, and have found being a parent extremely difficult and i have severe anxiety.  I am seriously considering having nothing to do with them. My sister is a pyschotherapist and helps. We are in constant contact with them through birthdays, celebrations, etc. They ring me all the time and i get off the phone feeling, like crap.  Every time we have an outing with them or a visit i have severe anxiety and end up hating myself for weeks after coping the latest abuse and negativity. They even send me information news items about death, illness in the mail. They never listen to my accomplishments and rubbish everything positive ihave ever done. I have carved out a reasonably successful career and have a nice house and partner. We are to get married soon, and she is a jealous witch that I dont want there. Can i cut them off?

Avatar universal
by happynow250, Sep 08, 2012
Thanks, everyone, for sharing your stories.  I have not been in contact with my hateful mother (now 88) for almost 5 years.  I started reading Joanna Ashmun's blog at about narcissistic personality disorder, and I finally woke up to what my "egg donor" is.  Also, I gained a lot of help from sites written by adult children of narcissists, such as The Narcissist's Child, Narcissists Suck, mulderfan, rumblestripq, and You Don't Have to Dance for Them by upsi.

It's hard to admit your parent is abnormal, but I have to say it is easier than living with their constant denigration and fake caring.  After only a ten-minute phone conversation, my mother would beat me down into a week's worth of depression and insecurity.

I regret that I didn't remove her from my life when I was 20 instead of 50.  Those were totally wasted years trying to get love from a creature incapable of it.  These years away from her have been a long-overdue gift to myself.  All of you reading this can do the same.  Take care of YOURSELVES.

Avatar universal
by onyourbike, Sep 08, 2012
mine lives with me and my wonderful husband and 2 lovely sons.I'm 51 and moved back to the uk 4 yrs ago after 20 years abroad.She was left with me a year ago by one of my siblings,"just for a visit" and she has not left since.My siblings have all washed their hands of her and I:ve not spoken to them since she was dumped with me and so being the eldest I;ve been left to live with this vindictive,spiteful and selfish woman.
She has reduced me to tears on many occasions and the bitterness in m heart takes my breath away,
Being the eldest girl from a family of 9 from 4 different fathers, my earliest memories of growing up were of abuse and beatings and the terror of running down streets from a drunken mother.I cooked and cleaned for the household, growing up, all the time aware that she expected my utmost obedience. I was the only one treated this way and after leaving school and marrying I continued to take care of her emotional and financial needs.
And in my 26 yrs of marriage my wonderful husband has excepted this additional baggage I've been carrying and remained supportive.

I put her in care when I moved back to the country but my siblings had her removed and now the csre homes won't have her and I can no longer manage the cost of care for her. She doesn't get ant state assistance.So the last 12 months I have endured physical and mental abuse,I've had to resort to anti depressants.She is not physically incapable but will insist on me cooking special meals for,taking care of her comforts by simply screaming out orders to me and using the most foul language on me,my husband and friends.She is not ill and does not have Alzheimers. I realize now that she is what she has always been and growing up abused is something I simply excepted then and I am still accepting now at 51 yrs of age. She brought me up to take care of her,I've been doing it all my life and she makes me feel I owe her my life.
I do an 11 hour a day job so we can make ends meet,so take care of  her needs before I leave for work and again when I get home back at 9pm. She will not accept food or help from the rest of my family in my absence and will wait until I get back. She will leave the toilets and bathroom in a state so that this is another of just one of my daily routines of cleaning after her,
I no longer invite friends or hubby's family round; I 'm too embarrassed and afraid of how she might react.
She has taken my life-in my own home- and I resent her for it.I'm stuck with her.She has brought about a change in the relationship I had with my husband.he is so unhappy and I don;t really know what to do with her so that I can have my old life back.

I am so tired and stressed,I' ve lost so much weight my clothes just hang off me now.I'm at my wits end with my crazy mother and feel suicidal sometimes.
Anyway I'm glad I found somewhere to share my story,I think support groups for abused adult children is long overdue.I've had a good cry typing this and feel good that I could write about her,Thank you for sharing; hopefully will come on here one day to report that she's moved on,

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by lewiejay, Sep 09, 2012
reading these stories just want me to say how upsetting it must be for all of you,,having to put up with ,,the nasty,,manipuating side of our vile mothers.
ive been there and although stoped having contact,,she is still trying to get to me through people,,,trying to gain sympathy with her sociopathic personality,,making herself out the victim and saying to people she doeasnt understand why im ignoring her,,,she has pulled the wool over so many people eyes and acts coy and so nice,,but with me i was the batterring ram for her hatred,jealousy and how unhappy her life is.
i know my mothers love towards me is fake too like others said they feel,,i know anything i have ever accomplished in life she has shown no concern only jealousy,,,its been hurtful just praying to have a normal relationship,,,but i now know thats never going to happen.
she has always had a lot of hated against my gran who was like a mum to me,,,even though my gran has been dead for nearly 5 years she still talked about her with venom.
she is two faced and will stir up arguments within the family.
,i was called every name under the sun and would get attacked with her,,she would throw shoes at me and whip me with the metal stems of artificial flowers,,contantly slap my face and say i had menta,issues,,she also threw metal fork at my neck when i was 10,,which stuck in my neck,,,she favoured my half brother over me,,i filnally escaped when i was sixteen,,i slept on friends couches and in b and b,s i finally went in to a ymca where i stayed for nearly three years until i got a 1 bed flat,,tht when i was 23,,i never regretted moving out,,but she told everyone that she threw me iot which was untrue.
when i moved in to my flat with my boyfriend,,,we had a bed a chair and a tv,,,she gave us nothing to help us out,she seemed to thrive on us struggling,,we both got jobs and she was livid,,she couldent stand the fact we were now surviving without her in the background gloating.
i am now nearly 46 and i can say all she has done is made my life a misery,,i have my own family and partner and finally have had enough,,the  ties are cut like i said ,,but she wont leave me alone,,ive blocked her of my phone but its only a matter of time before she comes to my home,,,she did it round at old flat and came round drunk,,shouting and bawling abuse,,,i just want her to leave me and my family in peace thats all i ask,,i doubt she will,,,but im going to be strong an di want everone to on this page to try and be the same,,,its hard,,we have been through so much,,but we cant let our nasty so called mothers by name only win,,thats what they want,,they want us to fold and fall,,,but they are not worth it especially when we have others who love us in life,,,so bigs hugs to you all,,, xxx

Avatar universal
by highmtngal, Sep 16, 2012
I read the stories on here and have to say...I really feel for all the people that have put their lives through hell to make their "mother" happy. I have felt like a disappoint to my mother most of my childhood. Although my older siblings did not help the situation any by being horrible either. As I grew up, I always tried to understand what was making my mom so mean and ugly. Was it her continued bad marriages, lack of self confidence, lack of money or what. I struggle with it even now. She finally met a nice guy when I was 14. Stayed married to her until he passed away 3 years ago. I am now 45. I do not have any clue why he stayed with her. She was horrible to him. Always calling him names, telling him he was stupid...even though he was smarter than anyone I knew, she treated him like hell and I felt so sorry for him. I was happy that he got to get away from her. Just prior to that she was diagnosed with dementia. Tried to explain it as that. But no good. It has now only intensified the already horrible demeanor. She is currently living by herself until we can get her situated in a home. Family members were living with het but they are so sick of being called names, being accused of hating her, not spending every waking moment with het so she could bombard them with her evilness. I live next door and take care of her bills and buy her food. Everything we get she says she hates and throws away. She won't buy for herself, so she expects us to wait on her all the time. What she does eat, she sits and eats it all in one day. We spend at least 300 a month on her and she complains that we are starving her. My own family can live off of that and there are more of us. She is putting us in a financial bind, an emotional downward spiral, and making me want to drop her off at tie front door of a nursing home and not look back. The guilt of doing that is tremendous, as I am not like her in any way. But I am so emotionally exhausted from years or her verbal and emotional abuse. I keep trying to convince myself it is her illness....but she has always been horrible. The dementia has just turned up the volume on her behavior, and it won't get any better, only worse.

Avatar universal
by LilDon, Nov 05, 2012
To you all, this is my Mother, over and over again.  I really would like to know why she is like she is, is it to do with her generation, 84 years old, raised between 2 world wars.  Personal trauma when young or what.  

Yes, she plays me off against my Sis, my Sis just plays the nice one and is a clear favourite, with her "dream husband".  There is one difference that I don't think anyone has raised directly, the threat of removal of an inheritance.  She is obsessed with money, to the extent she is a miser, 84 years old and still accumulating money, hoarding food, wearing old clothes and dangling her money in front of me and my Sis, then withdrawing it.  Ohh I'll buy you that, then never mentioning it again.  Calling us spendthrifts when she has no idea of what we do/don't spend money on.  In her world it's simple money=love end of story.  Not a good way to be, and she's now got us both dangling on a string, a divorce would be heaven sent.

Avatar universal
by gabsie, Nov 13, 2012
A friend of mine & I were discussing our mum's, she said that her mum is worse than mine, and I said that mine is worse than hers.  Thankfully my mum lives in Canada and I Australia, my mum came for a visit and my friend invited us to her house for dinner.  Afterwards my friend gave me a huge hug and said in my ear "I am so sorry Chrissy"!

Reading all of the stories has certainly proved that we can move on from our past abuse, and it is abuse, horrific verbal abuse, bullying, harrassment and intimidation causing untold misery.  If we were strangers we would not think twice about never speaking to 'that' woman ever again, but because we are 'the daughter' or 'the son' we assume that we have an obligation.  Yet our obligation is to ourselves, our own lives and our loving friendships/relationships/spouse/children.  And we are not like her (or him) because that gene is not in us, thankfully.  When my mother (she is not a mum) turned 70, my husband & I went over to see her (she remarried and left me when I was 17), that first morning she was watering the plants and I approached from behind, put my arms around her and said "It's great to be with you mum celebrating your birthday, I love you", without looking at me she snarled "I'll be glad when you're gone I've only started smoking since you arrived"!  My heart sank and I walked back to my husband and said  "why do I bother"?  and he answered that he doesn't know, but I kept thinking that it is because she is my mum.  Then when she sees my husband and stepfather she acts so loving towards me, this Jekyl & Hyde personality has gone on for many years.

She is now 79, my stepfather passed on 2 years ago, and she now travels platinum class on 3 week cruises.  She has not spoken to my brother, her son, for over 30 years and has not acknowledged his children - er grandchildren, she returned his christmas cards unopened, and all because of her cruel, evil vindictiveness.  I don't think that she has realised that the position of 'Queen' has been taken!  And as with your mothers stories, it's never her fault is it?   I don't miss her as she has never given me any-thing to miss, financial help, conversation (unless about her), love, support or encouragment, she doesn't miss me but of course as with so many of the stories she is calling others telling them that I wont speak to her, the 'woe is me' act.    I do not have any children (just one of those things) and yet I am a kindly Aunt, showering love & affection on other peoples children.  I have a good heart and like you go around in circles asking 'why', all we wanted was love & affection, but these people cannot give it, they can only take it inflicting hurt & pain on others as they go.  I would never ignore a childs outstretched hand or inflict emotional abuse on a child causing irrepairable damage.  These 'people' know what they are doing, they know that their words are causing pain.

I work in aged care, I see a lot of very nice mum's and families, see how they are around each other and how they treat each other.   What I (and you) have is very sad, and it wont get better.  when I was younger I was like a leach attaching myself to my friends mum's, fortunately they let me.

I am not like her and thanks to a lot of others (including all of you writing) can now put the past behind me and move on.  There is certainly no more guilt, I had stopped all communication with her 12 months ago but since finding this website can see that I certainly did the right thing.   And will continue to do so, it is not because I want to but because I have to.   My husband told my brother some years ago that he is the lucky one.   Well we are both now lucky.

Avatar universal
by anono963, Nov 24, 2012
Sorry, this is quite long since Ive seen so many similarities with myself.  

My father treated my mother badly but passed away when I was 4, so they were only together a short time, but she has been bitter towards him ever since, and has become much worse as she has become older, even though he apologized to her when he was dying and encouraged her to find someone else after he was gone.  However, she wouldnt even have men for friends from that time.  But it has taken me until now, because of her contant shock and denial whenever I was trying to figure it out, that she has probably always resented me for looking like him and taking after him in a lot of my personality type, but not personality.  I mean, I'm shy, sensitive, friendly and polite, and get along well with most people, make friends easily.  I come across as being soft and a little innocent also since she sheltered me so much.  I get my talents in eloquence, writing, public speaking, good memory etc from my father, but I dont have his aggression, bad temper, or abusive behavoiur.  Also, unlike me, he was not good at getting along with people, and he may have been sensitive but he didnt seem soft at all.  He was quite chauvamistic.  I know all about him from many different sources and also my own memories.

I remember during childhood my mum complaining that I had a "sour face" since when I was tired the corners of my mouth turned down, and I remember travelling overseas with her as a child in a hot country, where we did a lot of walking, and I was very tired and thirsty even though I loved the travelling, and her complaining the whole time, making me almost cry, because the corners of my mouth were turned down and I wasnt smiling (since I was so tired and hot).  She kept telling me to smile.  She would say that I looked just like my father and had a "sour face" just like him and that I should smile all the time.  Other people though all thought I had a soft face and that I looked shy.  In fact I'm still considered to have a soft face and this is I think part of why I look younger than I am.  In fact, if anything, people will stereotyping me as being more naive or gentle than I see myself as being, but she sees me as being aggressive.  In fact, when as a young adult I tried very hard to overcome my shyness, I would be proud of myself if I were ever able to assert myself to others if they put me down, since this was always until recently very difficult for me to do since I was shy.  But whenever I mentioned to my mother some situation where someone had hurt me and Id managed to assert myself, she would hold it against me, saying that I was very aggressive.  I realize that this was since she was overreacting to things about me and thinking that everything meant I was aggressive and bad tempered like my father, even though I was the oppositve of him that way.  Ive met some of his relatives and it is the same: Im the most polite of all of them, and the only way we seem to be similar is in terms of our talents.  However, I am also nothing at all like her family, who are all like her.  I mean, they and her are all much more aggressive than me.  I think Im like my dad's relatives in that we are better at theorizing and seeing the grey areas of things, but my mother's relatives are mostly black and white like her, and pushy with their ideas and aggressive, and some can be quite hurtful.  yet she doenst see herself as being this way, she thinks Im this way when Im the opposite.  Even my mother's relatives all see me as being much softer than themselves and than her.  

My mother has always lashed out, since I was a child, that my father and I ruined her life.  She has also often lashed out that I am nothing like her at all.  She knows Im much more sensitive than her but she still thinks of me also as being aggressive.

Now my mum is much nastier than before.  Her relatives are all in another country far from here, and my dad's are also far away in other countries.  My dads relatives have no contact with my mum, its mutual, and they seldom contact me and the few times ive been in touch with them have been hurtful.  the same for my mum's relaitves.  they have a little to do with her, not as much as shed like, and almost nothing to do with me, although they are slightly better than my dad's.  and im an only child so all i have is my mum, but for years she has seldom seen me.  it bothers her that im sensitve and that i really need family and this is why she cut me off and only spoke to me on the phone for a few years.  now since i spoke up to her 2 years ago when she lashed out at me and id had enough, she then stopped talking to me for 2 years and now she talks but only once a month and wont let me call her more.  when i visited her a few years ago, after her cutting me off for a few years, this is now 5 years ago that i visited, she started to lash out at me more and more, cutting me down and hurting me and saying that i controlled her.  i told her once that it was her who controlled me not the other way around, but i had to say it very carefully.  if she cut me down, and i spoke up, shed blame me for being aggressive for asserting myself.  but she began to cut me down more and more until it was very difficult not to speak up each time since the things shed say were so hurtful.  she seemed to be jealous over my recent travels overseas and she would try to prove that she knew more than me about those countries, or that i was mistaken in the things id seen, even though i was only sharing those things with her since she has also travelled a lot.  now she blames me for "being aggressive" with her when i visited her, even though i only asserted myself when she lashed out, and i tried in fact very very hard not to respond since i knew shed hold it against me, but shed keep at me and at me until id finally respond, then shed say, "see, you are aggressive".  shed not admit that she herself had been hurtful in the first place and that id been trying to resist responding.  one time she lashed out when i bought her a gift, saying id forced it onto her when i surprised her with it.  another itme she lashed out at me in the doctors office when the doctor asked if id like to come with her to see the results of the tests. she lashed out in front of everyone, "no!!!  you always want to control me!!!".  

ive since learned that any family friends and mum's relatives abroad are usually nervous to contact her since she also lashes out at them.  she has always had only a few friends, although when i got over some of my shyness as a young adult i found i made friends very easily, which she doenst.  she claims she is a smiling cheerful person and is always talking to me on the phone about how everyone finds her very cheerful.  yet she has no close friends, only acquaintances in the neighbouring shops.  

she also has told the property manager and other people that when i visited her i was aggressive and abusive, even though she had me crying almost every day with lashing out at me (this is the period 5 years ago) and i tried so hard not to respond for fear of her retaliation and cutting me off again, calling up friends of mine for advice on how to not respond, but since it was my mum it was very difficult and i was especially hurt by her cutting me off and not seeing me for a few years up until then, so when she kept lashing out, that just compounded things and made it hard for me to not respond.  i recal one friend saying that i should say, i love you mum, i dont want to be fighting with you, but she just screamed, yes you do want to fight with me and turned that into a fight.  another friend suggested saying nothing, so she just kept at me again and again until i finally called out "quiet, leave me alone" and cried, so then she screamed that i was aggressive and abusing her.  people believe her even though they seldom met me and hardly know me.  with other people she is not close to she puts on an act of being friendly and sweet, so they only see that with her.  

i remember once when i stayed there one guy came to visit to fix somethign in the apartment, and she offered him tea and invited him to sit and talk with us.  i was politely friendly with him just to show her that i could get along well with people (i was the same when homemakers visited to clean).  so she then got angry with me afterwards that i had taken over the conversation and not let her talk.  yet while talking id kept turning to her to bring her into the conversastion.  when i was younger, shed do all the talking since i was very shy, and so id just sit when we visited people while she took over the entire group's conversation.  yet she did it as though to draw attention to herself, not as though she was letting everyone talk together or respecting their participation.  im friendly these days, but i dont take over conversations or show off in groups, so it is different from her.  as a child, i felt that she had trouble fitting into groups since she was so traditional and because of how shed kind of monopolize conversations.  for me though, when i was shy and now that im much less shy, ive still felt that i have tried to fit in socially, i mean in how i dress or by donig things to feel part of the group.  i mean, i have my own style but im still somewhat upbeat, not in an effort to fit in but in a sort of unconscious way since i enjoy being part of the group im involved with.  ive travelled a lot more recently so ive also learned to do that in various cultures.  

im sorry this is so long.  i just mean, im an only child, i only have her and ive not yet found the right one to marry since ive mostly been a gradaute student when not living abroad so i wasnt in circles where i could meet more men who were interested in more serious relationships (and im not into flings), so although i make friends easily, ive been out of the country a lot until lately and i have a few friends here so far and my boyfriend, but no family at all except her who doenst see me and doesnt treat me like family and is so resentful.  and i realize that most of this is since she overreacts to my personality because i look and seem so much like my dad.  

one more thing: shes told me that when i was first born, and the nurses in the hospital brought me to her, she saw right away that i looked so much like my dad and said, "not another one!!!"  i dont know why she even told me this, she first told me when i was a child, but has told me a few times since.  when i was a child, if i were being difficult as children sometimes are, shed scream "all your father's family has treated me badly!!!" meaning including myself.  but she met almost none of them, only half siblings from his previous marriage.  

i have never rebelled or gotten into drugs, sleeping around, drinking, or even smoking, bad language or any of the things that many young people get into, maybe partly from my personality and partly since she sheltered and controlled me so much wheni was growing up (since she was afraid id turn out like him?  or since she was afraid id make her mistake and marry the wrong man?  i feel it is a bit of both).  ive always felt a bit younger than i was because of all the sheltering, and often ive had trouble making decisions because of it although ive become much stronger lately from being overseas.  yet she seems me so extremely, and the way she talks to others about me youd think id been a juvenile delinquent even though i was never anywhere near that  and even as an adult am pretty respectful of others and myself.  

Avatar universal
by bean129, Nov 26, 2012
my mother is all of the above but now im getting married in a few months she threatining not to come, and shes warned me all the drama that will unfold on my big day instead of supporting me and telling me how amazing the day will be. my parents have seperated for 3 years now. i am 29 and looking forward to the big day but scared of what she will do to try and ruin my day.
i get one day to be selfish and a day where its all about me, but all the preparations have all been about her. this is driving me insane and have literally seen a councellor because i can not cope with the stress and drama my mother and sister create. 2 peas in a pod those two.  drama, compulsive liers, jelouse its all too much. thank god for my dad he is the only one who keeps me sane!
so worried what will happen and if she will even come, this is not the behavior of a mother why does she do this to me!

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by Cazzie60, Dec 01, 2012
My mother is 76 and my dad is too.  She has bipolar and apparently was diagnosed with paranoia Schizophrenia when she gave birth to me.  I am 52, my brother 53.  She told me that she was very ill after me with PND coz her mother died whilst she was pregnant with me but I think there was more to it.  Now at 76 my dad is her carer, she also has carers coming in three times a day as she cant and wont walk anymore.  Now this is her fault as she has had my dad be her lapdog all their married life (54 years).  She has turned out to be bitter, selfish and nasty.  She treats my brother better than me and that may be because he lives nearer to her but even he and she fight a lot.  She is extremely jealous of my relationship with my dad, so much so that she refuses to let him drive to see me regularly.  I only live an hour away, dont drive and the buses are rubbish where they live as they live in the Countryside.  My husband left me after a thirty year marriage and five children.  I have had absolutely no support off my mum, nor my dad for that matter about all this.  I am closer to my dad and have really needed him this last three years since I was left alone.  She tells him that he cannot bring his car over to see me as it might get damaged as there are crazy drivers where I live!!!  Blimey there are crazy drivers everywhere.  She will not even let my brother who lives close by to them use their vehicle and come to see me.  I am moving soon and the stress is bad with having to move and she knows this.  I really could have done with my parents support this last three years.  She has told my brother that I am only using them for the use of their car and that if my brother does bring the car over then I will get him "driving me here there and everywhere!" in it!!!  She has said that I may even want to go to the Supermarket in it!!  So what if I did!  She backchats to my brother about me behind my back.  She has told me that it is no wonder my husband left me.  She has become a nasty piece of work.  She is one selfish cow and I am beginning to hate her.  She never had any contact with my five chidren nor my granddaughter who is two, she never bothers with my brother's two children either.  Its all about her, her, her all the blooming time.  She has carers come in and therefore could spare my dad or brother or both of them to come visit me occasionally, it would not kill her. My dad does everything she says yet moans about her and slags her off behind her back.  He will not grow a pair and stand up to her.  Me and my dad used to be close but now I am beginning to hate him too.  She had to go in a  home a few months ago temporarily whilst my dad was in hospital and she went funny in there and they had to get the psyciatrist out to her again.  She went delusional.  I reckon it was because she did not have her little lapdog to hand (my dad).  She simply cannot cope without him and is driving me and my brother away in the process.  She is so selfish and talks badly about everybody behind their back.  I am almost glad I live 38 miles away from them sometimes.  She has definitely ruined the relationship I had and should still be having with my dad now!

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by Cazzie60, Dec 01, 2012
I meant to add that I myself have Chronic Kidney Disease, bipolar, hypertension, dislocating knee caps, prsioric arthritis in hands and knees so have a lot to put up with medically myself.  I still think that my mother should not be so selfish and think of others for a change and their needs.  When I go out I have to use a zimmer frame walker myself for fear of falls as my knees give way constantly and dislocate when they feel like it too.  I have had this problem since I was 4.  As for the bipolar, think my first pregnancy set this off but also I believe it may be heritary.  I suspect though that my selfish mother has other psyciatric problems as well.  Even so I am not at all like this with any of my five children.  

Avatar universal
by HappyHappy09, Dec 11, 2012
It is nice to read these posts. I have had similar situations above. My mother has put me down since I was a child and progressively got worse into adulthood. My father's sister has been married several times and was always considered a skank. My mom use to call me her name. I felt terrible. I am not anything like my aunt who I don't even speak to. I was molested by some neighborhood children when I was little. For some reason, my mom made friends with the kid later on in life and said he wasn't that bad of a person.

My mom use to party with my friends and I and she was a good time. She later on got too involved when I began to date. She would say awful things to the guy when I was at the bar. She would ignore me because she did not approve of the person I was with. She called me a ***** one evening. I am no such thing.  We married at the courthouse. My husband at the time and I wanted a bigger wedding. She decided she wanted nothing to do with my wedding and provided no support nor a wedding gift. She acted as if the wedding was not happening because it was not about her.

My child has had surgeries due to heart issues. The second surgery she did not show up because of a lame excuse. She did not show up to the 1st birthday party because of another lame excuse. She seems to only care about herself.

A few years ago, I went through a divorce. I decided to move closer to parents due to daycare costs. Parents offered to watch my child while I worked. Moving closer to my parents was a huge mistake because she was able to control me. My parents helped me a ton but made me feel like crap in the process. I have a sibling and they make sure to take care of him but me, they can stomp all over.

Later I met a wonderful guy who I have been with almost four years. My mom seemed fine with him until she pulled a horrible stunt in public. She began to ask him random questions and was not happy about how he answered the questions. She accused him of using me. He was then not allowed to family functions. She told me to work around the holidays. So now I have to go to holiday functions depressed because he is not allowed. The holiday crap has been now going on for a couple of years.

This past Thanksgiving I chose to not go to my parents because all I did was sit there with my child and listen to how my sibling and his family were just fabulous. My son and I would be ignored. I felt like a total outkast. Not too long ago, I was banned from my family's home because I chose to stand up for myself. I decided I would not go to my sibling's home for Christmas. I am now the bad person. How dare I do such a horrible thing?????? Supposably my fiance is using me. I am not quite sure how because it is not like I won some lottery or inheritance of some sort? He works full-time, makes good money, treats me great, treats my child great, and I love him.

My son is treated like an outkast when my sibling's child is around. My mother has lashed out at my son on a couple occasions. She does not have a good relationship with my grandma at all. She did not have a good relationship with my dad's parents at all. She pushes friends away because she claims they are bad people. She accepts my sibling's significant other though even though he/she has got into arguments with her. Since it is my sibling, it is okay. She likes my sibling's family but as for me, mine is not up to her standards. We live with my fiance and am glad to get away from her. After she kicked me out of her home, accusing me of being a user and that I hurt HER feelings, I am glad she is now out of my life. She is quite immature because she deleted me from her facebook account.

She is a horrible person. I sit here and question myself constantly thinking I provoked this and I know I didn't. I am now taking one day at a time and thankful for all of my friends and what family I have. The posts above make me realize I can choose my family and that is what needs to be done to feel better about myself. Subjecting my child to her hate is not an option. My friends and grandma see her bitterness towards me and has been like this for so many years. I use to listen to her thinking she was right but she isn't. If I did break up with my fiance, it would be something else she would come up with to make me feel unhappy about. I am blessed with so much and have a lot going for me. I hope she finds a nice location in hell to hang out in.

Avatar universal
by Sleemar, Dec 18, 2012
Here is my story. My beloved father just died five months ago. I was the only daughter, daddy's little girl. My mom and I used to be friends. Prior to my father dying, my mother and I would argue. It started deteriorating when she was put on Xanax and vicodin. She is uninhibited about the things she says. I went two months without speaking to her after my dad died because during an argument she told me he died disappointed in me. I went back to clear it up and moved on. I was sexually abused as a child by a cousin and during a fight today she said to me..."you sit there and cry about how @@@@ made you suck his c"&ck when you were little, but then you [email protected])k your cousin when you were 16." Those were her exact words. She has made up this absurd lie and it makes me physically sick. I can't stop shaking. I have three children and am expecting a child right now. I have been married for 20 years. I am not a ***** and I did not sleep with my cousin. My mother is beyond evil. She must hate me. Why do I feel the need to go back for more, I must be mental. She says I am bipolar And need help.

4558587 tn?1356480426
by sweetmeli, Dec 25, 2012
I believe some women are just don't have what it takes to be a mother and should never have children.  The smart ones grow old and never do like my sister.  She is just too self-centered to take care of someone else.  The same with my mother, the malignant narcissist.  She married the good-looking football player that turned out to be an abusive drunk.  She got pregnant with me because she thought a son would save the marriage but it was her bad luck she has another girl.  She has lived her entire life as "the victim".  After their divorce, she was stuck with two small children.  She wanted party and be a single woman and had no time for her girls.  Years of being victimized made her the most hateful, bitter person I have ever met.  I took me many years to realize that the reason I couldn't do anything to please her was because there is absolutely nothing that will please her.  I found that this woman is toxic to me.  As much as I want a loving relationship with my "mother", it is not possible.  Her anger and hate makes me hate myself and I can only get better is to stay away from her.    Once, I wrote her a letter basically calling her out on her behavior but saying it in a way that I loved her and wanted her to get help and be happy.  Didn't work.  I don't have any contact with her anymore.  My two grown daughters speak to her on the telephone on occasion (we all live far apart) but she is angry with them now and I am sure it is the beginning of the end of that one.  My sister is oblivious to all of this.  She thinks we should all change to keep my mother happy therefore this is my fault.  I no longer feel guilt about my mother because I know that I tried to be there for her but she does not want it because to have a relationship with me, I told her she has to stop psychologically and emotionally abusing me.  I know she is a bitter old lady that will die alone because no one can stand to be around her.  Always yelling about how this person did her wrong or how her ex-husband gave her cancer.  She would always tell me how I screwed up my life and what a bad mother I am.  When she talks to my daughters, she just tells them what a bad mother they have.  I live far from her now.  I have a wonderful husband, good job and a nice house.  Really, I pity her.

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by whggh12, Jan 10, 2013

hello every one my name is Stella and i have been married for 4years and i have a break up with my husband 3months ago and i was worried and so confuse because i love him so much. i was really going too depressed and a friend directed me to this spell caster Dr. Okaka and i made all my problems known to him and he told me not to worry that he was going to make my husband to come back to me and in just 48hours i receive a call from my husband and he was appealing that his coming back to the house. i have never in my life believe in spell and but now it have just helped me and i am now so happy. Thanks to him and if you also want to have your lover back to yourself then his email is ***@****

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by meowmeow844, Jan 11, 2013
WOW. I thought I was the only one.  All my life I thought I had a mother. The devil in hell came out of her once daddy passed away in 2005. All these decades I thought I knew this woman.  Mind you, I was the only child out of 8 that was always the one to help her. To take her out. Take her on trips buy her things etc. I had NO clue all these years she was using me. She has has ill feelings towards me and one other sister who is now deceased in 2008 at a very young age with terminal cancer. My MOTHER was jealous of my dying sister and used to say why does she not hurry up and die. Well my mother came down with terminal cancer two years later. She is still alive but the devil out of hell. She BLAMED me for my sisters death because when my sister died my mother was on a European trip with me and we only learned my sister had died and by the time we got the news it was too late to come back for the funeral. She blames me for this and lied and told everybody I knew this and kept it a secret. I did not. She has blamed me for every thing and tells everybody my husband is a homosexual and all sorts of rotten filthy lies. YET its me who has always come to her aid. She has enjoyed European trips on me and my husband ever since daddy passed away. Each and every year she got the all expense trip for 2 to 4 months in Europe and travelled all over at OUR expense. Not once has she thanked me for it. Instead she will bad talk me to her other children and make so much confusion once a police man came to my door to ask if I am holding her against her will. I was shocked out of my witts. I put her A%%E on a plane the next day and swore not to have anything to do with her. Well that only lasted so long when she wrote apologizing. I fell for her lies. She didn’t mean it. She came the following year and every year after that up to 2011. Last year 2011 she claimed NOBODY is caring for her and that my sister who lived ten minutes away does nothing for her. So I packed up my bags. Literally put my job on hold, left my dogs and husband and flew from Europe to Seattle to take care of this Stage V patient who was being abused. WELL I had the shock of my life when I got rhere. I was not really welcomed.  She told everybody that I came to wipe her out and steal from her then kill her. It went on for two weeks. I swore up and down I was a slave for that woman. God is my witness. She convinced everybody in the family that I was killing her. She THREW ME OUT ONE COLD WINTER MORNING at 7am with NO where to go and nothing to eat or drink. I was in shock. A neighbour of her’s took me in and got me someplace to stay until I could change my airline ticket.  But before I could reach the neighbor’s door she called the lady to tell her DON’T let me in how I was killing her. The lady knew better and realized that there is no way I could come all away clear from Europe to do this. She knew me. That happened march 2 last year. I have never ever spoken or contacted her again and never will. To this day she is still dogging me. My eldest sister believes I should forgive her and be nice to her cuz she is dying. Well I wont. As far as I am concerned she died that cold winter morning. It was a very hard thing to stomach. She is mean, she has always been mean. When daddy died she put up a face. Behind his back she will do her dirty work. We are a family of 8 children NOBODY speaks to anybody or one speaks to me, the others don’t speak to that one, and so on. She has caused unbelievable trouble amongst us. She wants everybody to crave her and she does not like to hear anybody is getting along with each other. She has made mortal enemies between us. Some of us have not spoken in decades. Its horrible. When we were growing up and daddy was around we had good relations with each other. She has ruined it all. When she dies, she leaves a bunch of enemies. Its disgraceful. Then she professes to be a woman of god. I would ask which God? Cuz it cant’t me my God you are meaning.

I will NEVER speak to her again. I will not go to a funeral nor will I grieve her. She is just too mean.

Avatar universal
by punishment_to_fit_the_crime, Jan 31, 2013
meowmeow844 this could be my mother without the terminal illness. At least you have that! Yes never going to her funeral. If I do only to dance on her grave and make sure she’s really down there!!  I am one of eight. My mother ******* about everyone that is not in the room. I don’t speak to any of my siblings as a result. I cut off from my family about 20 years ago due to the toxicity. But my pit viper of a mother just keeps trying to rope me back into her drama. I had completely had enough after my sister’s funeral and have not spoken to her again. If not for my mother’s lies I truly believe my sister would still be alive. The vindictive lies, the drama, the shameless gall that this woman would rather feed her own daughter to the wolves than face the consequences of her own behaviour. This woman also parades around with a bible in hand thinking that she shall not fall. She is such a hypocrite and does everything that she shouldn’t. Thinking no one can see. She doesn’t deserve to call herself a mother. A mother doesn’t say those things about any of her children and cause such dysfunction. It is her doing that most of her children are struggling with depression, abandonment issues, drug and alcohol addiction and dealing with sexual abuse. I think that because I’m eldest and that I escaped long ago, that I didn’t fall prey to these issues. Then somehow the witch has turned everything around,  because "I" am so nasty she will never speak to me again! Un-bel-ieve-able!!  She is addicted to the attention and sympathy that her lies afford her from unsuspecting victims. Munchausen syndrome by proxy without the physical poisoning of her offspring still makes this a crime. This woman makes a hardened narcissist blush.

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by newpat, Feb 04, 2013
Hi kids, It broke my heart that you did not get much love from your parents.

I have three children, a girl and two boys and I love them and we make sure they have good future to cherish and safe foundation for their lives.  I come from happy family 12 of us, seven boys and five girls but I have never come across such a stories I read and your experiences you received from your own mum.

If it is not the love why did she keep you in her womb for nine months, went through all sickness and in such pain to push you out to see the world and went through nighdt after nights sleepless nights especially when you get sick, she makes sure that you take medicine, feed you, bath, clothing, make sure you have good education not to wag school, no drugs etc.

When you become adult and starting having partner, then it all shows, everything is your partner, your mum is nothing to you, but when you want your mum, yes, she is always there for you, support you when you broke, guide you how to be successful at work place, learn how to save for your future, be kind and find a good partner etc.

As a mother, we do get upset and disappointed when our child do not show their compassion, thoughtfulness, caring and show their sefishness all the time and it is never enough for them.

I am quite sure every mother loves her child regardless how ignorance the child(s) is, we can only remind them to do the right thing for their lives and parents.  We are over 65, I asked my son to mow the lawn for me, he said that he does not live with me.  Would you do that to your mum!!! after all he left home at the age 26, but he never refueses to help his friend or his wifes'parents to do job for them.  

My second son is never home to help around, eventhough my husband has Alzhiemer (only ask him to look for him when I can not find the way home) he told me he would mow the lawn for me week after week but it has not eventuated.

I am training them how to invest into the property with minimum payment to me @$150-200 per for three units each, I am the one have to cover all expenses and all redundancy package money all in the loan + most of my wages went to the properties.  They all know that yet, they are wanting to buy their own home then my son and my daughter gang up to demand to reduce the payment to $100 or 75 (that is not enough to buy a dress for his wife) and we still have a mortgage to pay off.  As a mother I have given all my working life and only one thing they have to do to buy their own home with their partners not their mother.  We bought our own home without help, we lost all our money in 1980 + three childrend to support.

From 2000 we bought one unit, then to a block of 6 units + a block of 4 units + my own home.  They already have good foundation but why they want me to give them $30 to 40 thousand for their deposit, they should save for themselves.  

My son did not want me to buy a big home that I like therefore I can have give them some money, but I did it any way as it is my money and earned it and I gave them good future already.

We have our own life as well.  As you can see, they want money they come to mother but I can't ask them to mow the lawn just because he does not live with me any more.

I never asked my children to leave home till I am sure that they are going be all right.  I don't even want them to rent a place, I prefer to buy and they can rent from me, in the end they will own it.

It is heart broken when our child do that to you, we provide every thing for them but their partner who they know only a couple of years are better than their parents also their friends more important than parents.  It has to be fair and sincere with compassion towards parents.  They will be parent soon or later.  It is not an easy job bringing up the children, the estimation of cost approximately more than $50,000 p annum.  We have to work hard to achieve what we need and future for the children.

As a mother, they upset me then I don't really want to support them or even give them any thing in the will.  I have never being nasty to my children unless they are being selfish and show no love and nasty towards us then it is just self reaction to give them to see how it is like to be on receiving end.  

Mother is also going through the grief that the children give us but we still love them but some how we have to make them to realise that the Mother word is important than the wife as you can have only ONE MOTHER BUT YOU CAN HAVE MANY MANY DIFFERENT PARTNERS!!!

I heard from a friend, her son 52 after split with his wife, he moved back with mum, Mum can not refuse because he is her son, she has to start all over again, cook, shop, clean for him and for his family as well.  

The mothers are not all the same, but I know that she loves her child....and care for her or him....please be patience with her, mother is getting older seem to set her own way.  She is not going to live long and soon you will know that how much she loves you.

Avatar universal
by david1974, Feb 06, 2013
When I was a child I always felt my mother had a split personality. She would either smother me with presents or be extremely cruel. You never knew what you were going to get. She was emotional and physically abusive. At different times I tried to tell people but no one believe me. To outsiders she was the perfect church-going mother. In reality, she was cruel, mean and selfish. If she did not get what she wanted she would threaten suicide or would resort to some form of blackmail – "I'll tell people this or that…" While all this went on, I always had this sense that I did not belong. I don't know how to explain it but I did. I once asked my mother if I was adopted and she blew up at me. Her emotional abuse was the worst. I'd much rather have a fist to the face then her telling me what a piece of garbage I am. Anyway, the abuse continued and I moved out the day I turned 18. She continued to be mean and nasty and for some reason I always tolerated it. I think a part of me just wanted her to love me. The abuse got worse as she aged by I was always there for her. When I was in my 20s I started losing my hair. Rather than go with only hair in the back I started shaving my head. She of course was quick to point out how ugly I was and that I was only doing it to embarrass her, when it had nothing to do with her. At any rate, as I got older I still questioned who I was. In 2010 I got a DNA sample from her side and had it compared to mine. It was a match. She was my mom. I did the same thing with my dad -- he had died in 2003, so I got it from a sibling of his. It was not a match. When I questioned my mother about it she feigned a heart attack at first and then began flipping out saying how I was destroying her life. When she calmed down she told me she had been raped. She said there was a series of rapes at that time and the person was never caught. She told me my dad was a serial rapist and told me to forget about it. I didn't. I looked back at newspaper archives for clues and could find nothing to back up her story. I went to the police department and they had no records – but said that did not mean much cause they would be in storage or gone by now. I hired a top DNA analyst – a lady who identified bones found at the Titanic wreckage site – to help me. She entered my Y DNA – my father's DNA -- into a number of databases and was able to eventually narrow it down to a couple generations back. Using this information I hired a PI and was eventually given a name to check out in 2012. It was a name I recognized. I had been in a relationship with the man's daughter when I was a teenager and he and his wife had been close friends of my parents when I was little. I went to his daughter, explained the situation and convinced her to give me a DNA sample. I had it compared and it came back we were half-siblings. Her father was my father. We went to her dad and he said he had an affair with my mother. They were both married but he was her carpool ride to work. One thing led to another. His wife did not know and the man who I had originally believed was my dad likely did not know. My mother had lied to me. Rather than admit her affair, she led me to believe I was the spawn of a serial rapist. I confronted my mom and she told me how I was embarrassing her and ruining her life. It was all about her. She denied the affair and said she was raped. That was nonsense, because if she had, why would she have been such close friends with them when I was little? Worse yet, she knew, when I was a teen, that I was involved in a relationship with my own sister and said nothing. My real dad never knew about the relationship, which is why he would have said nothing. At any rate, in September, some 6 months after I found out about my real dad, he was killed by a drunk driver. I got to know he was my dad for less than a year. My mom told everyone how happy she was he had died. I quit speaking to her and cut her out of my life. I had enough. She has since done everything she can to harass me. She sends nasty letters – typed and unsigned – emails, tells lies about me, etc., etc. Threatens to have me arrested for elder abuse which makes no sense since I have nothing to do with her and have never abused her. She threatens to sue me over gifts she gave me when I was a child and says she will get me fired from my job. It's all totally ridicules. It recently escalated I finally called the police. I explained the situation and gave them copies of everything I had received. She is now not allowed to contact me. We'll see if that works, though I doubt it. I am expecting things to only get worse. My wife is afraid of her. She is scared my mother might do something rash like burn our home down or commit a murder suicide. I now carry a gun everywhere I go (yes I have a permit) and had a security system installed in my home today. At any rate – the worst part of all – she has me so brainwashed that at times I still feel guilty or bad for her. I should not feel that way. She did this and yet I feel bad about hating her. I just want her out of my life forever. The emotional pain is too much and I still don't know how to cope with it. She is the cruelest person I have ever encountered and, as much as it pains me to say it, I look forward to the day that she passes on. Thanks for listening. It helped to get that out. Very few people know the extent of it.

1248826 tn?1270460657
by lewiejay, Mar 08, 2013
david 1974 i sympathise with you,i feel too my mother has a split personality,and just made my life a misery since i was a young child,felt if she sometimes loved me then despised me,its been a confusing life with her,i remeber her in a few occasions when i was very young taking tablets and me phoning th epolice as a young girl very distressed,it was always a big show for her,she is attention seeker and has always lied through her teeth for her own gain,she was never a proper mother we were always  sent to stay with our grandparents,because i know now she dident want us there,we were a burden i have ahalf brother and if we ever had a laugh together she would say'why are you carrying on with your 'step brother if i wasent even allowed to speak to him,,she is a very jealous,bitter woman,my brother strted to lose his hair in his early 20's and i woudent be suprised if it was due to stress,,she would mock him and say'what are you saying you baldy b*****,out of sheer nastiness,my brother would sit with tears in his eyes,she is evei an dstill to this day,ive tried to ignore her,but she always sends messages through other people for me to get in touch and like a mug i go back,,but fell out with her this time again and she is spreading vile rumours about me,where i feel that im on the verge of a nervous breakdown,all i could do is cry the other day,i know ive let her get to me but as a woman at 46 i should no better by now after alll these years,but its hard she is a manipulating old witch who trys to pull the wool over other relatives  with her smiley,nicey exteriour but i myself and some others know too well what she really is,she shows socopathic tendancies,so nice abut can be so evil,spreading malicious gossip and lies,all she wants to do is ruin you,she cannot see anyone happy,and she thrives on bad news and people splitting up in relationships,she plays the sympathy card
continously,,i feel for everyone on this site who has suffered,abuse,and vilness from their so called mother who is meant to have maternal instincts and show real love,its easy for someone to say its your mother,she will always be your mother,,unless they have experienced the horrendouse void of lack of love or care they will never understand,god bless x

Avatar universal
by suerose, Mar 20, 2013
If you are really that sad about your mother here is some good new......................they will die eventually. until they do, limit your exposure whenever possible. Try not to given them any power/information to be jealous. i look at my mother as a bee in early fall, she knows she doesn't have many more days on this earth, so she is horribly nasty. she never apologizes, she lies about what she has said (unless she said in a group, then she leaves or didn't mean it.) she takes absolutely no responcibility for what evil spews from her pie hole. stay away if you can't handle it. tell them little. don't share your joys (you give them fuel for more jealousy and hate.)  how can the 5foot four inch woman steal so much of my familys joy. remember distance, distance, distance, and only tell them what you would tell a scary, creepy stranger on the street. you know she will ieventualy sour, when she does it will sting you again. stay strong.  build up your defenses. hang with loving, truly supportive people. don't treat you kids the way you were treated. try to given them both love and respect. don't stomp on their feelings, you know how it hurt you.  you know deep inside, life doesn't have to be like it is in her head. make your own world as you wish it to be.  god bless and good luck.

519226 tn?1378991321
by NBinNC, Mar 20, 2013
Here, Here!!!!  Sue Rose!!!!  That is great advice!

Avatar universal
by OfExcellentKind, Mar 22, 2013
All the stories are therapeutic for me. I am an only child to my mother (54) and when I was a child she would pick fights (messy and bloody) with her older brother's wife which led to my uncle getting divorced- twice.
To date, she can hardly stand anybody befriending me, be it male or female. She gets nasty with them and utters insults. She has insulted, argued with and assaulted my wife which led to my divorce in 2008.
It is like she has a split personality. I've recently had a broken relationship in which she would utter loads of crap and threaten physical abuse. At times she waits for me to leave for work and then the abuse begins all which she denies and actually spin the whole scene around as if she is the one who was being abused. I've got rid of her numerous times but it always gets the better of me.
It seems she only wants to be with me around her, smother me treating me like a child and then suddenly-if not always- start uttering insult and curses. The woman does not even want my children around.
She is emotionally and physically abusive to my me, my partner and my children. I have tried to tell relatives but no one believes me. She is a church-going woman and prays day and night but that is not helping her. She is cruel, mean and selfish and is doing a good job at driving me mad and lonely.

Avatar universal
by cats302, Apr 08, 2013
Hello there.   Well it seems we have the same sort of mother. The moment she opens her mouth abuse comes spilling out.   Ugliness, hatefulness,spitefulness.   She is and has always been a very bitter person.   Very negative and in fact all the emotions you have described your mother to be.   Over the years I divorced her a few times.  I was always told by friends and other family members to make friends "because she is your mother"  I did make friends and the abuse would start all over again.    I have now finally decided that I can no longer divorce her and now regard she as being a dead person.   I walked away from her again 5 years ago and have decided I will not go back to enable her to start her abuse all over again.  I have made it known I regard her as a dead person and have forgiven her because she has some serious mental issues.   So I am now a much happier person.

Avatar universal
by Mcat72, Apr 14, 2013
My 'mother' must have had same DNA as all of yours, unfortunately.  For over 39 years I tried my darnedest to try to at first gain her love, then like, then just have her accept my presence without showing her obvious disgust for me.  I became an MD to try to please her.  I literally handed over my first daughter to her to try to please her.  I'll never make her happy.  Nothing/noone will.  She is hateful, spiteful, disloyal, cruel, mean, vengeful, hypocritical, jealous, petty.  I walked on eggshells for decades never knowing when one of her insane rages would erupt.  Everyone in the house would run around in fear, desperate to find a way to aussage her buckshot anger.  It is so sad to see my oldest daughter living like this now.  My mother hates my youngest.  She is insanely jealous of her & says the nastiest things to & @ her.  She is 7 yrs old & has cerebral palsy.  I'm in a nasty custody battle over her.  My dear mother is actively helping my ex.  Lies about it to my face when I ask her.  She punishes my youngest by putting her in 'time out' in the dog's room.  She doesn't punish any of her other grandchildren.  She hasn't acknowledged my birthday in years.  I converted to a diffrent religion 14 years ago.  She has never once acknowledged one of my holidays, yet tells all who will listen how religiously tolerant she is.  She told me I'm her 'greatest disappointment'.  I  covered for her for decades & she always betrayed me.  She wrote me what a **** I was when I had just gotten married & was 7 months pregnant because I was not practicing medicine.  Wow.  I could go on & on & on.  I just had to unplug from her & pray for her healing.  I also pray for compassion.  I am not sure if either will ever be granted.

Avatar universal
by happychic2011, May 01, 2013
Well, let me just say that my mother and I have never been close.  She is extremely critical and judgemental.  I was a straight A student in school, won a scholarship to college, etc.  However, years later, as an adult, she was mad at me for something and wrote an email to my husband (copied in my mother in law) telling him that I had always been a "problem child" and asking him to force me to give her her way!  That is the tip of the iceberg.  She claims to be a Christian but when I got divorced she yelled at me and said she had it worse than I did and I should have stayed in the marriage (even though he had addiction issues and was cheating).  Yet, when my brother and sister got divorced she was completely supportive. At present, I am not on speaking terms with her.  As a friend put it, she is in "time out".  Every time I let her in my life, she is hateful and nasty towards me. So, now that I am remarried, I don't want her around to cause problems.  My life is more peaceful and happy.  I don't need that kind of upset, so I choose not to engage.  I'm fine with things the way they are and will leave it to God to convict her of her hatefulness.  Until then, I'm happily living my life.

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by RNDoc, May 03, 2013

A little back ground..

I just went through a FPU class and out of that sent a letter to my Mother stating instead of sending "things" send me the money. So in other words if they were going to spend $20 on a shirt, just send the $20. Because, I did not need "things" I was not asking for "more money" I was not asking for any thing. However, she did not take it that way below is parts of her letter.. I took out names etc..

At the end if the reading this ... I think back to when I was a teen age in high school... I am in my late 30-40's now .. and though of killing myself with a shoot gun.. ... may be I should of done it .... now she might be happy...

""The only reason you interested in me is Money and nothing else.  I can't forget your middle of the night rant about money and you were regretting the fact that by the time I fall off the twig, your words, my money would go in nursing home care.  Looking after me in my old age won't be anything you will have to bother about and when I suggested you could look after your own dad you said your first priority was the ***** and *****.  Shame on you.

After that very upsetting phone call I immediately changed my will so that the bulk of my estate will go into a trust fund for ***** and will be managed from this country by ****** and ****** and you will share the rest with my ****** and their heirs.  Maybe you should think twice before you speak.  Since you didn't expect to get any money you won't be disappointed.

Do you really think I would be prepared to help pay ******** student loans?  I can't believe after 12 years you still haven't paid them off.  Maybe if you had bought second hand cars as we did that debt would have been long gone.

****** and *****   went 50/50 in paying your college expenses as we didn't want you to have to work so you could concentrate on your studies and when you graduated you would not be saddled with debt.  The money I used was from the money I inherited from my mother.  Money I could have spent on myself but didn't because your education was all important.  I offered to pay half of your fees so you could do your Masters but you said you had other priorities.  If you can't make it on your salaries think about getting better paid jobs.""

I work with the dieing every day... and times like these I wish I was one of my patients. Yes, I would miss my .. wife and kids.. but they may be better off with out me.. and my parents my be finaly happy..

thanks for reading..

Avatar universal
by milgauss33, May 24, 2013
They say birds of the same feather flock together! well,  in this case I must concur. Today I choose to live in my own truth. I choose to say goodbye to my mother (I won't use the other poignant adjectives  so eloquently  described by others....I won't give her that), I choose to let go of the hurt and pain, I choose to live MY LIFE own my own terms. So with that said, goodbye mother, I wish you the best.

Avatar universal
by luckydog83500, Aug 09, 2013
Don't let your mother take away the happiness you have with your wife and children!!  They would not be better off without you and your parents are probably never going to be happy!  I pray you can find some peace.  I have a mother like all of the above, and have had to cut ties just recently.  It's not easy, we live way too close, but are working towards moving forward instead of being dragged back down into her ideas of who we should be.

I wish you all the best of luck.  This *****, to put it midly, but I'm learning to just be sad and move on instead of becoming bitter and mean like her.

Avatar universal
by wishiwasabrady, Sep 11, 2013
VeniceParrish writes on Feb 18, 2012:

"Not a single positive word EVER comes out of her mouth.  I have never heard "I love you."  None of us kids were ever told I love you or hugged or consoled when we were hurt or scared.  We never had a bedtime story or song.  She never played with us.  No matter what we did, there was always some comment about how some part of it was wrong or could've been done better and there was never, ever a thank you.  Ever.  I got smacked upside the head with a brush and told I was just being a baby if I ever commented that I was feeling sick.  Material possessions are faaaaar more important to her than people"

Wow. You are just pouring out my heart here. My mother is exactly the same. EXACTLY the same. Never a positive word. Always negative. Never told us kids were loved. Never played with us. And EVERYTHING we do is always wrong. No matter what. You go down path "A", and she yells at you for not taking path "B". So you take path "B", and she yells at you for not taking path "A". You CANT win.

And indeed, material possessions are far more important to her than people. One example, I recall, we were standing on a street corner waiting for the light to change so that we can cross. Just as the light changes, a guy in a cadillac convertible was going way too fast, and hit his brakes, trying not to go through the red light he now had. He just BARELY scraped the side of a light pole and the guy smiled in embarassment. My mother remarked to some total stranger standing besides us, "My god, I dont care if the guy got killed, but that car must cost at least a couple thousand dollars."

"But, trick is, she KNOWS how to "play" the game.  She is sweet as pie to "outsiders."  No one other than those who really know her know how evil she can be"

Again, EXACTLY like my mother. She kept her mean, abusive, angry, mentally ill, psychotic side well hidden from outsiders. She was sweet and kind to outsiders. Her friends and assorted relatives were all completely convinced that she was a saint. Some of them telling me how lucky I was to have such a sweet kind person for a mother. God, they were oh so completely out of touch as to what she really was like.

"She criticizes, condemns, degrades, demeans and insults my father until it's absolutely pitiful"

My parents split up many decades ago when I was still a little boy. So, without my Father around, its me and my siblings that served as her targets for her criticisms, name calling and insults, etc.

"When my mother goes out for the day, for whatever reason, it's absolute peaceful heaven in the house, but once she's home, it's walking on eggshells 24/7"

Me too. When my mother goes out for the day, or goes out on vacation for several days, its peaceful. When she's gone, the tension in the house is gone and me and my brother can breathe easy. When she's home, its walking on egg shells time. Indeed, before she goes away on vacation, the very day before she is to leave, she is suddenly on her absolutely worst behavior. Screaming at the top of her lungs at the drop of a hat. It NEVER fails, just the day before she is to leave, she becomes mean as ever. Its alomost as if she were saying, "I'm not going to be here for the next ten days and as a result, I wont be here to yell, curse, and scream at you kids during that time, so heres a bunch of yelling, cursing and screaming to hold you over until I get back".

"But, don't call her out on it or look out for the venomous kraken!  We have tried pointing out how  negative she is, but by her own claims, she is the nicest, most positive person in the world"

Indeed, my mother would blame her venoumous behavior on the bills she had to pay or on one of her physical ailments. I would think, "ok, then whats your excuse when you didnt have bills to pay or werent in any physical pain?"

"She is 80 now and it only gets worse and worse and there's no chance of "fixing her," but I guess I've only been searching for answers to find a way to help myself.  But, my fear is, that until I get rid of the anger, I will never be able to fix myself.  And worse, they are getting to the point in their lives where someone needs to live with them to take care of them and, guess what, I'm the person this got put on.  So, I can't escape even if I wanted to.  Someone above mentioned malignant narcissist.  There are several sub-genres of narcissists, and for me, I believe I am finding that my mother tends to fall into the compensatory narcissist, but whatever the sub-genre, it is narcissism at its emotionally abusive best, but what makes things worse, because she does put on that front for outsiders, no one would ever believe she is what I know she is, which consequently, causes me to not say anything and just hold it inside and put up with and take it because no one would believe me."

Yep, I told her friends when I was a kid and all I got in response was "what are you talking about? Your mother is so nice!". No one believed me back then and I doubt anybody would believe me today

Avatar universal
by rockhill, Oct 27, 2013
What I cannot understand is this: if a person is truly suffering from mental illness, whether it is narcissism or bipolar disease or something else - how can they control their "mental illness" whenever they want to "fool" someone. My own mother is like this. I do not doubt she has some mental illness but she is so calculating and very good at concealing her abusive personality when it benefits her. She prefers males and conceals a lot of her nastiest traits from them. However. if they spend very much time with her, they find out. She treated my father horribly for all my life. He was a good man. When he found out his illness was terminal - he embraced death, such a relief death was for him. It broke my heart.
I married a man with the same sort of disorder my mother has - whatever it is. I managed to escape that marriage after fifteen years. My closest friend also has whatever this is and I am in the process of ending that relationship as well. My mother always hated me, told me I was ugly, criticized my behavior and my appearance at every opportunity. She is still doing that. She is eighty years old! Only a week ago, she was tearing me down and I wound up in tears. I am fifty seven years old!
Long story short, I am a recovering alcoholic with twenty one years of sobriety!  I am very happily married now for thirteen years to a wonderful man. I have a lovely daughter who is smart, talented and happily married. She will be receiving her PHD in March. My life is wonderful except I am still learning hard lessons and trying to understand why I am drawn to people who suffer from whatever my mother suffers from. It's like my familiar hell. Like so many others on this blog - my mother says there is nothing wrong with her. I share the feelings of anger with others I've read here, but I think I just have to disassociate myself from her negativity. Can it be done? If she thinks I'm a little too happy - she really gets mean and nasty. Oh man. No answers really. Thanks out there if anyone is listening.

Avatar universal
by godschoosen94, Nov 07, 2013
I am so glad that I ran across this site.  The comments in this forum were therapeutic for me as I thought that I was the only one who suffered from having a hateful, nasty, manipulative lying mother.  I have an interested twist to my story.....all responses and comments are welcome.

My mother gave me away to the Foster care system at birth.  Back when I was born in the 70's, your foster parents could not adopt you unless the custodial parent(s) gave up all of their rights.  My mother would never give up all her rights to me so my Foster parents had to allowed my biological mother periodic visits with me as I grew older.  My mother moved to another state when I was 5 and I would periodically go visit with her some summers or holidays in her new state.  

When I was born my mother was 19 years old.  She soon had another son...not even 18 months after I was born that she kept. My mother blames her mother as the reason for having to give me away to the Foster care system even though she was fully grown.  Anyway, when I would visit my mother in her new state she would never keep me but send me over to her sisters house until my visit was over.  Keep in mind that my Aunt had 8 other children in her home.  There were even times that I would visit with my mother during Christmas holidays and she would not even have a gift for me but she had gifts for my other siblings.  She now says that she never kept me when I would visit as a child because I never wanted to stay with her.  She always blame other folks and NEVER EVER take responsibility for her own actions. She even have my siblings believing to this day that it was my choice that I never stayed with her and that she gave whomever I lived with child support.  Really?!!  During one of my visit I was injured really badly when I was 9 years old and had to go to hospital while at my aunts house.  After I got out of the hospital....she picked me up and dropped me off to her other sister's house for duration of my visit.  I never received Christmas gifts, birthday gifts or anything from my mother.

Years later, I grew up to become successful, college educated and military retired.  Unfortunately, my siblings that my biological mother raised has been in and out of the prison system since their teen years.  I have tried to establish a relationship with her for the sake of my children.  I thought that since she was not a good mother to me that at least she can be a good grandmother to her grandchildren.  Well the cycle continues...she favors her grandkids and the favored grandkids are not my children of course.  She has my brother (who I will refer to as the golden child) that she thinks can do no wrong....although he is in and out of prison she goes around and tell these elaborate stories about how he doesn't deserve to be in prison and how wonderful he is.  But for me...she tells people all types of lies about me.  Every year I give her a birthday gift ....she tells relative that I didn't give her anything for her birthday.  Although she has never been a mother I still buy her Mother's Day gifts.....she lies and tells everyone that I didn't give her anything on this day as well.   When my brother needed help on his attorney fees....I gave hundreds of dollars....she tells people that she didn't have any help with my brother's legal fees.  She goes to other family members and tell them that I said things about them that I've never said and these family members never ask me if I said these horrible things but they go on to be mad with me for years.

I am now mother keeps in contact with men from my past and tell them my business about my marriage.  When I've tried to talk to her about her behavior...she gets extremely verbally abusive and curses me out badly...calling me ******* name it and then wishes death on me.  She has even told people that she has paid my way through college and that is why she is broke today.  This lady has never done anything for me in my life.  Even when I was in the military during the war she wouldn't even send me a care package.  She goes to family friends and make herself cry and everyone feels sorry for her. She believe her own lies.  My older aunts and uncles tell me that I should overlook her because she is my mother.  Everyone acts like being someone's mother give you a free pass to be nasty and disrespectful!  If she and I have a disagreement she calls everyone in the family and change the story....then she makes up lies to each person to try and get everyone to turn on me...even my brothers.  I am just over it!  There is no one in this family that will confront her about her behavior or that I can talk to.  Everything that you say in regards to our situation to any family is taken back to her and my mother will make it out to be confusion.  She will be your best friend as long as you agree with everything that she does.  She is involved in everybody's business!!!  

One of my brother's is known to be a tough guy in the city that we mother starts confusion and get disrespectful with people in the streets.  When these people get disrespectful back with her she runs off and calls my brother over to beat up on these people.  She has never been married and I don't ever remember her having a real man in her life in over 25 years.  She will even get in your face and tell you that you told her things that you have never told her.  I can go on forever because you guys have not gotten half the story on her.   I have never seen anyone in my life that feels so entitled and yet undeserving.  Outside of my brother (the golden child)...she talks about everyone including her so called friends and coworkers. However, she goes out and plays the best mother in the world to strangers.  I have witnessed people sharing their secrets with her and soon as they leave she gets on her phone and tell everything!  I have NEVER seen someone like this in my life.  Do I have anyone out there who have dealt with this?

Avatar universal
by wishiwasabrady, Nov 18, 2013
I hear you rockhill. While my mother is mentally ill, I cant understand how she is able to switch off her mean, angry self when outsiders are around. Some people say that mothers such as ours cant help it, cant control their mean, evil, abusive behavior. But I have seen it with my own eyes of her being on her absolute best behavior when outsiders are around. She is so good at this charade, this masquerade, that her friends and acquaintances are absolutely convinced that shes a saint. Some of them telling me how lucky I am to have such a wonderful person for a mother. God, they just dont have a clue. Every day, every single day of most of the years ive been alive its been nothing but screaming, yelling, nagging, cursing, complaining, hurling insults, and up until I was around 12-13 years old, alot of hitting as well. Up until recently I blocked out the memory of her chasing me through the apartment, with a wild, psychotic, maniacal, crazed expression on her face while swinging a belt. The belt buckle end of the belt being the part she was trying to hit me with. Her hand holding the other end of the belt. Then she would corner me. I'd turn my back to her, hoping to protect my face and front of my body. And she would whack away at my back, the belt buckle part connecting with my body, until she drew blood. Evil. Sheer evil. The mother from hell.

Avatar universal
by daughterofdevilmother, Nov 25, 2013
Hmm, seems like this is an age-old, worldwide problem.  I'm just really relieved that I'm not the only one.  I've just got back from a family occasion at my brother's new house, which I was really looking forward to.  My mother was there and completely dominated the conversation, putting down everything anyone said, trampling on dreams, scornful of achievements, you know, all the usual stuff that you guys have been saying.  This was the first time though that she's done it to my 13 year old son, and he was truly bewildered.  The hurt look on his face made me want to slap her.  I've always thought up till now that her bile was reserved for her own children and that her grandchildren could do no wrong, but clearly he's now getting older and is ripe for her venom. I had to spend a long time with him last night building him back up again and it was hard to do without confessing to him what she is really like.  He's always looked forward to seeing 'Nanny', but now he will be wary, I know.

I felt so down today and was so desperate to try and find out why she is like this that I googled 'hateful, spiteful mother' and found this post.  It gives me comfort that I'm not the only one, but also fills me with a deep sadness that there are so many women out there who have this horrible trait.  Like many of you, my mother blames her bad childhood on the way she is, but I always think, well my brother, sister and I had a bad childhood too - you gave it to us - but we don't treat people the way you do!!

Anyway, she has cancer now and just finished her chemo but the scan shows it hasn't worked.  I feel nothing but numbness about her and couldn't care less if she dies.  How sad is that.  

Good luck to all above who have posted.  I hope you have drawn strength from this like I have and know that we have all learnt a very valuable lesson - DO NOT DO THIS TO ANYONE ELSE, particularly your own children.

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by dawnspitfire, Jan 20, 2014
keep thread going. It will always be helpful to others!
love-love ♥

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by MrsCasaO, Jan 23, 2014
Google is defiantly my friend! I Googled "why is my 75 yr old mother so hateful", and here I find this message board that I need to pass on to my daughter, as she is living with my parents right now, along with my 2 grandkids. My Mother has never shown any love or affection to me while I was growing up nor to this day. I thought fine, whatever, but now that my grandkids are there, she thinks my 11 yr old grandson is "her son", and treats my 4 yr old granddaughter like, I don't even know how to say it, but she is evil to her, pure evil, unless others are around then she tries to act like she cares, God I am so disgusted by her fakeness! Now my grandson has no respect for my daughter because once she tells him something he runs to my mom and my mom overrides anything my daughter has said to him. There is just so much I cant even phantom why someone would be so hateful to a 4 yr old girl. With all this hate and evilness my daughter has decided to send my grandson to live with his dad out of state so she can get him away from her. It breaks her heart to do this but he has no respect for her and is constantly arguing with her because he knows my mother will tell him he doesn't need to listen to her . All this going on and my dad wont say crap to her, I already told him, because of her I don't call, I stay away..he said well you know she always favored the boys, umm yeah I know. I will be sad but cant wait for my grandson to go with his dad, she is poison and he needs to be away from her controlling evil ways. After this I'm done with her, after all this and the way she is treating my daughter and granddaughter I have nothing to say to her. My daughter will move out the day my grandson leaves. If I'm able to help her move it's the last time I plan on seeing them. She is and has always been a hateful, miserable, toxic person...I tell my husband if I get like that put me in check! I never want to be like that evil old woman!  

Avatar universal
by Dean112, Feb 19, 2014
I also have a problem with my mom, but my situation is a little different. I am 17 years old now and I try my best to be perfect, but I can't. My father died when I was 4 years old and my mom is blaming his death on me till this day on. She says that I am just like him, and she is then swearing at me. She only does this when she is drunk, but she drinks every night. All of her personal mistakes she blames on me. She told me now to pack my stuff and go live on the streets. She always tells me that when she dies, I will go to the child home and that i need her otherwise I will be nothing in my life. She never supported me all of my life and all the things she says about me are negative. She also always twists my words around and is always gossiping about me in a bad way to my own family and her friends. When my friends come to visit me, she always is making me bad in front of them and is fighting with me. She is also hitting me and shoving me because she knows I won't hit back. She and her boyfriend got into a physical fight and she wants to sue him. All I had told her is to be honest all the way and she then freaked on me and she began swearing me and then she does all of the above mentioning things again. Please comment back on how I can handle the situation.

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by L4VYN, Feb 21, 2014
I am completely amazed....I thought it was just me, that I really must be such a bad daughter to have aroused such hatred and anger in the one person that is programmed to love me, now I know otherwise.  I typed into Google "why is my mother so hateful towards me" and this popped up, after reading the first entry in May 2008 I was beside myself, it could be my life, the way that she is so hateful and dismissive of everyone, not just me, I just seem to get the brunt of it, at the end or the day other people can simply walk away and think "silly cow" but I am her only daughter. It has taken me a while (and lots of tears) I have tried to reason with her, written to her even when I felt unable to talk face to face, but I do think that I have finally accepted that she will never change, she has always been the same, even when I was little, she has never been interested in anything or anyone but herself, but she has definitely got worse with age (now 68) so I guess all that I can do is focus on my children, my partner and my life and be thankful that I am nothing like her. Its like a weight is lifted.....thank you.

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by fulloflove, Feb 22, 2014
My mums the same....can anyone help me as to how to help her if she is ill mentally by the sounds of it.   Paranoid, her opinion or no opinion,  vicious,  getting worse as yrs gone on, alienates all family has no friends,  v v sad, I dont want her being alone, cos I jnow there is a nice person under all that and truly believe shes ill but cld never tell her that.

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by BCmtnmom, Mar 02, 2014
The recurrent theme is that there is evil in this world. To perpetrate evil on anyone, let alone a family member is unconscionable. I have known for a while that my mom has borderline and narcissistic personality disorder. She was finally diagnosed last year. Our whole family , except my sister and brother who enable her, has abandoned her because of her lies, troublemaking, and jealousy.  Apparently different family members have confronted her about this, including my father, and myself to no avail. She lied to many of us, including myself, about Dad's funeral arrangements, deliberately had them early, closed them off  to family, but let members of the Masonic order attend she didn't even know.  When I confronted her about the lie she told me it was so none of the people she hated could see her cry. Guess its pretty clear who was on THAT list. She kept dad's friends away from his deathbed. He found out about it and would only speak Italian to her after that. She broke his heart on his deathbed.  I know this because we would talk after she left.  Delightfully now she is finding out he had a "hidden life" from her where he took me to meet many of his friends and my distant relatives. She is very bitter she couldn't totally control him. I was his favourite, the skinny, gawky, homely smart girl. He set me free, told me to get out in the world to be happy, and never marry someone controlling. I still talk with her briefly and see her briefly. it stops when her crap starts.  I don't believe that God meant me to keep turning my cheeks all my life to be slapped. He created lionesses...they defend themselves and their cubs and sisters from any creature that tries to destroy them.  If he in his wisdom can give this right to an animal, why not to us?!!! Rise up my fellow lionesses and assert your right to live your lives with no further damage from any others! Protect yourselves and your prides of cubs, sisters and even the male lions you love! Everyone who is good and loving on this planet deserves to live in peace and harmony, and no one has the excuse, whether they are mentally ill, had a bad life or not, to take this from you!

Avatar universal
by BCmtnmom, Mar 02, 2014
The astounding ability of people with personality disorders to manipulate people they want things from into believing they are nice is only paralleled by that of true sociopaths.  I have met a number of these types of people in my work in the last fifteen years.  The grief they cause their families is astounding.  Please google some of the reputable mental health sites, paying particular attention to borderline personality disorder, as well as the other types of personality disorder, as well as researching sociopathic behaviours. Group therapy, meds, family counselling can only go so far with some of these people. Paranoia and schizoid behaviours can derail treatment. Some people create crisis as a means of gaining attention, it is the only way they get attention, albeit negative. Dealing with this behaviour in family members is agonizing, and past a certain point you cannot be responsible for another person's success or failure with their treatment program, it is, essentially in their ball court to make a success of controlling their own behaviours. It is NOT YOUR FAULT if they go off the rails with their treatment programs, unless you are enabling or encouraging them to do so.

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by narcissistic, Mar 02, 2014













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by aj1964, Mar 29, 2014
myself i would just treat her as anyone else,as soon as she starts the nasty just say i do not deserve this...goodbye and leave,hang up the phone or whatever,let her know she is the cause of the distance between you

Avatar universal
by Blacksheep_Son_and_Daughter, May 14, 2014
Wow, I have a real piece of work as a Mother, , she cut me and my sister out of her life when my drunkin, wife beating Mental case of a brother moved down by her and my Dad when he fell ill and is in  a Rehab Center. My Dad fell ill I went up to help her and my Idiot Brother and his wife were there and everything was fine  until... I went home and my sister came down after I left and my Brother was still there. My sister basically heard and witnessed my mother verbally abuse me and bash me along with my brother after I left and I did not do anything wrong. She is a 2 faced backstabbing Hypocrite. She claims to be such a church goer and is such a fake to all her friends in her community where she lives and her Church friends, but behind closed doors she is cussing like a sailor and talking about people behind their backs.She constantly lies to me and my sister about everything tells us off and Sings the Praises of her  Mental case son that lives by her. She conned my Dad  out of all his Money  cause she did not want the Rehab place to take the money to take care of him so she put him on Medicaid  and put all his money and retirement in her name and is spending it like water.. My sister and I basically wrote her a letter expressing our feelings  about her lying and not consulting us on our Dads care and she basically told us TOUGH!!! And to mind out own business get a life then  has her BULLDOG Son call us up and  tell us off about the letters which she had no business showing him anyhow. So we have no use for  my MOM or My brother. We want nothing ever to do with them to greedy low lifes ever again. We have moved on from them, we do talk to my Dad at the Rehab Center but have nothing to do with them other 2. Oh And my Dad does not know  hardly anything on what my Old Hag of a Mom has done. As we do not want to upset him and make his condition worse. Mother Dearest lies to him about us and everything is our fault. So eventually he will know what that Evil Witch he is married to is really like.

Avatar universal
by dissapointed1, Jul 15, 2014
As others have stated before, I am so thankful that I have found this site.  It helps me to know I am not alone in this world with a selfish, self centered, conniving, and manipulative mother.

She was not always like this.  When I was a baby, my father died.  In her grief, she turned all of her attention and love to me. I became the only reason why she lived.  She actually told me that she wouldn't have chosen to live unless it was for me, when I was 6 years old and again at 15.  Her love, I realize now, turned into an obsession, almost idolatry.  She lived vicariously through me while she refused to work, became increasingly unhealthy, and we lived in poverty.  Now, that I am an adult, married, with two children, everything seems to have changed. I have made my own decisions without consulting her first.  I have turned towards my husband as my primary confidant and adviser which has angered my mother. Gone is the 'loving' mother I grew up with.  Her true colors are really starting to show and just how superficial her 'love' for me was.  I am devastated by this.

Now that she has grandchildren, she has cast me aside and pours out her 'love' on them to the point of obsession.  My son looks very similar to how my father looked as he was growing up. She constantly goes on and on about how he is like my father.  She can't see that my son is his own person. She just sees my father.  If she cannot see the grandchildren as often as she would like, she sends me these horrible, nasty, and hostile emails. She won't actually sit down and talk to me herself like a normal person. She also started spreading rumors around our church that we forbid her from seeing her grandchildren.  No one had the spine to come tell us.  We only found out for sure after people started treating us differently and I confronted her about it.  She only did it to try and shame us in front of our church and so other people would tell us to let her see her grandchildren.  If I would allow it, she would take over as mother for my kids and wouldn't care if I ever had a normal relationship with them.  People have made comments about how she is crazy enough to abduct my children or kill my husband and I to have sole custody of the kids. I've had my suspicions too.

She has caused division in my husbands family as well.  Because the only family she has is me, my husbands family has tried to include her in more holiday gatherings.  She has caused scenes and driven people away with her hatred of my husband and her feelings of depression over not seeing her grandchildren enough.  (She sees them at least 3-4 times a month which is more than my in-laws.) Family won't go to an event if she is there now.  She has belittled my parenting abilities as well as my husband's.  She constantly judges us on the cleanliness of our home.  

There are times when I just cannot get over how much she has changed and how mean spirited she is.  She is judgmental and so fake, it's difficult to watch at times.  I'm in shock and I don't understand. I pray that God gives me the strength to honor her even though she abuses me and my husband this way.  

Avatar universal
by Violetdaisy, Jul 15, 2014
It's amazing that all these people have come here over the years, to tell their story. I can relate to all of you and I wish that we never had to go through the pain and stress. None of us deserve this.

Like the OP, my mom is 68. She has been this way her whole life and I was always her target. She had my sister, who is older, and I. My sister is the chosen one and I am the black sheep. Despite my mom's efforts, my sister and I are close. There are certain things I will not allow her to take from me.

A year ago, I was laid off from my job. Over the years, I have solely supported myself and have been single. I was burnt-out and just needed a change. I chose the lesser of two evils, (or so I thought) and moved into my parents guest house. My mom had been urging me for years to come back "home". I think in my mind, I was idealizing the situation. At times, it's been good, but overall, being here has been a nightmare.

For about 5 months before I got here, my mom stopped talking to my Dad.Unfortunately, she didn't tell me before I gave up my apartment. She decided to move over to the guest house with me. She was clingy, but that was expected, she was going through a hard time. The problem is, she will turn on you  in a heartbeat and you won't see it coming. Finally, after about 3 months, she moved back over to the other house. She will switch off from giving me the silent treatment to doing it to my dad. She is always in my business and doesn't have a kind word to say. My Dad went to his high school reunion and had a little fling with an ex-girlfriend. Things went from bad to worse. Instead of flipping occasionally, she was doing it all of the time. I felt like I was walking on eggshells. She checks my computer, my phone and if I go anywhere, she tries to go with me. If I say no, she will ice me out for days. One day, I went to the store and took my time, when I got back, she was waiting for me, yelled at me and then gave me the silent treatment. About a month ago, she brought up us moving out together and getting a place. I told her that wasn't going to happen. Since then she has been on a campaign. You don't say "No" or disagree in any way with my mom. You are either with her or against her.

Lately, she has complaining about me to my dad. She passes messages to him about things I shouldn't be doing, they aren't even valid, it is just her way to establish dominance. I had to go into their house and heard her talking about me and my Dad told her to "SHHH". I finally blew. I started crying and telling her that if she has something to say, just say it. I am sick of her being in my business and micro-managing every thing I do. While I was crying, she sat there with a smile on her face. She was enjoying watching me cry!

No matter how old I get, her lack of empathy, manipulation, emotional abuse and sheer joy of making others lives miserable, will not fail to shock me.

I know that the way she treats me is not my fault. I am working towards getting out of here, but in the meantime, it hurts so much to have to live in such a toxic, sick environment.

Wow, this website confirms that there is nothing new under the sun and that I'm not selfish. Most of the posts are relatable. It shows that when people have trama in their lives, they should get help, other than sweep it under the rug. The disappointment, denial, pile up and pain grows into a heart of bitterness, blaming and victimizing. Its unfortunate that healing through Jesus Christ is available and many will not receive Him, nor the benefits of His Joy, peace and love. He will keep you in perfect peace when you keep your mind on Him. He also gives us wisdom and compassion. All we need to do is ask for it.  I decided to go get counseling bcz I want to break all generational curses, understand myself and family better. Growing up in a dysfunctional home simular to the other posts above, has influenced me to behave and respond to conflilct wrong. Now that is see the damage it has caused, I now take responsibility to change. I will renew my mind through God's Word and Counseling. Both are equally neccessary for me to become healed, healthy and whole. :) There is hope and it begin with me. I pray my mother seek God for herself and transform into the image of Jesus before she dies. Reguardless, I am determined to become the BEST Woman God Created Me To Be. I will be praying for you. There is HOPE in Jesus. SEE YOU AT THE TOP! :o) Live life on purpose. You were born for a reason. Reach your destiny!

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by Sjbking74, Aug 07, 2014
Sorry for you all but thank you also as it helps to know I am not alone on this. My mother has done and said some nasty nasty things to me then after weeks of abuse cries and expects me to forgive her. This has been going on since I was a child and I am now 40 and she is 69. The thing is she lies and tries to turn it all onto me, people have witnessed how she is and told me to wash my hands of her but I have found it hard. I am myself suffering depression which I believe she has caused but cannot take medication due to a very bad stomach so I am with a mental health group but the waiting between visits is extremely long. I feel I am struggling now as I hate my mother but cannot cut the ties. To go into everything she has done would take forever. I feel the next time would be the last but I said that last time. I feel physically sick all the time with nerves. I have thoughts which I know are wrong which cause me guilt and more upset. Why do I let this spiteful woman cause so much upset in my life? My oldest son of 21 refuses to speak to her as he has witnessed her behaviour to me and seen me upset (even though I've tried to hide it from him and his brother) if anyone has completely cut ties how did you do it? I only live a quarter of a mile away from her and I cannot move due to money and work commitments. All the best to everyone I hope you all find inner peace x

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by laceydee861, Aug 11, 2014
Sadly, I can relate to this. My mom and dad always treated myself and my twin horribly. They favored my older sibling and despised my twin and I. They are emotionally, physically, mentally, and psychologically abusive/manipulative. I can never leave home without one of them accompanying me unless I am going to work. They open my mail, look through all my stuff, and even control what medicine I take/what hygiene products I use. All this despite the fact that I am an adult. This drove my twin away from us, and my twin cut off contact with all of us. My mom is jealous, insecure, uneducated, conniving, and smarmy. She is deathly afraid of change, and becomes a basket case anytime things change in her personal and professional life. She constantly takes everything personally, blames everyone for her problems, always has the need to be right in any argument, and anyone who deals with her (who isn't on her "good side" on a given day) always feels as though they are walking on eggshells. I always brew coffee for my parents in the morning and anytime during the day when I am home, do chores around the house, make dinner, and even do her job. She cannot handle her work responsibilities, so I help her with them. She constantly takes from others and never gives to others. Everyone outside of my immediate family thinks she's nice because she puts on a mask once she exits the house. Neighbors always hear her hitting, yelling, or berating me. She's nice to me while I help her, and treats me like sh** once I help her and she gets what she needs from me. She always forced my sibling and I to eat junk food, and let my older sibling eat healthy food. This made me resort to starving myself in high school (skipping breakfast and throwing out my lunch) just to stay fit. She and my father never treated their children equally (always gave the older sibling privileges and better stuff). I finally decided to commit to my health and happiness by eating healthy food (despite being prohibited from doing so) and exercising. I cannot get a gym membership or buy myself clothes/anything at all (even with my own hard-earned money) without permission. If I ask, I am always told no. I pay my own phone bill, just so my parents legally cannot take my phone away. My mother and older sibling complain about the fact that I am eating healthy food - "my older sibling's food". My mother jeers me by calling me fat. She also makes fun of the my workouts and the YouTube videos I use to workout.

If do get married, and have children, I am not inviting my parents and older sibling to my wedding - nor am I allowing them to meet any of my children. They're all manipulative, and negative. I've stopped talking to my parents because I can no longer stand their smarmy attitudes.

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by Shelley34, Sep 10, 2014
Wow are you describing my mother? My sister has been battling a devastating diagnoses of stage 3 cancer and my mom would run in to her chemo sessions complaining about her children (my sisters kids) and also that her husband was a loser. She would also put my sister down about her weight while incapacitated in treatment. My sister recently told me that my mom was mad at me one day for having a close relationship with my dad (go figure) and  she angrily blurted out that she wished it was me that had the cancer instead of my sister. My sister broke down crying feeling sick and exhausted from chemo, to hear such terrible things about me was more than she could bear. What kind of seriously sick woman wishes cancer on one kid or the other? I am sickened and disgusted. How could a mother say this? I am a mother of four, I haven't a clue I just can't relate to such a disturbed mind! I could never wish cancer or suffering on any one of my precious kids!  Just because they gave birth to you does not give them the right to be in your life. That they need to earn that  privilege  and now I am thinking my mother has not earned that right. She brings nothing positive to the table just nastiness and hatred. CIao mommy dearest! Lol.

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by Mawso, Oct 25, 2014
I have just spent the last hour reading posts. Thankyou all for sharing not feeling quite so alone now ..   I am a 51 year old happily married mother of two amazing adult men.  I have been blessed with a narcissist mother and a bully of a father my sister and I have a great relationship and she has been estranged from our parents for 10 years I have been buffering. Ignoring mediating etc etc for ever   There are too many incidents to recall for you to understand how sad it is to be me.  I can't do it anymore after a phone call two days ago she has started on my family.   My kids have been absolute soldiers their entire life they have towed the line and done the right thing by her they now have their on families and still do their duty I love them so much. Obviously no longer being the be all and end all doesn't suit so no she is attacking them     I have decided to let them go " divorce" them    My sister and husband are so relieved and supportive as are my sons. It's so hard as they are old and alone .. My question is  is it ok to ( divorce) your elderly parents??  Help

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by MeloYelo34, Nov 03, 2014
It's nice to know others are going through the same. My situation is a little different as Im 34 and still living with her. No way to get out, she doesnt have the funds to get a place of her own, and I dont make enough to help her live elsewhere. Right now, we are on our 435th fight of the year, she has not spoken to me in 3 weeks, and all for some nonsense I cant even remember, the last bit I remember was her mocking me saying "Oh now mommy traumatized me"...nice, huh?. I dont have any other outlet or a place of refuge as I have no partner, kids, family or friends, and I work from home, the hits just keep coming dont they. I truly feel like a prisoner. Not looking for pity, but if there's anyone out there that's in my situation, you're not alone.

I always wanted the mother/daughter relationship my childhood friends had, even up to young adulthood. I'd be terrified to confide anything in my mother as she would just use that as ammo later on. I gave up and just lied about everything because I didnt want to deal with her critiques, although that backfired and now Im known or, referred to as a liar.
Thought about going to therapy, but what's the point. I know what theyre going to say, I have to cut all ties. How can I do that when I live with the woman. Impossible.

Just terrified of ending up like her, I havent dated in close to 15 years, wasted my 20s and early 30s because of guilt, not wanting to leave her alone, but what good did that do me. Now Im still here, alone with regrets. I know it's not too late for change, and Im working on myself, but at the end of the day, shes still here and her silence is deafening. Muttering under her breath how Im doing everything wrong. If she's going to give me the silent treatment, I'd prefer 100% silence. I just want her approval, I'll never get it, and I have to come to terms with that. I guess that's it, I do feel a bit better that I let that out.

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by sadintexas, Nov 13, 2014
I am writing this through tears.... I am the oldest of 4 children, a daughter. My mom is like what so many others have described in these posts so I won't even repeat them. I have one added thing. Along with being the meanest person I know she also wants to die. She is 87. Our beloved father died 25 years ago at the age of 64. She never got over his death. Although she didn't treat him very good, he loved her and tried to make her happy. She has several times over the years disowned my sister. Never fully understood why, other than she talked back and I just went to my room and cried. Now I am 68 and still trying to be there to help my mom after she disowned my sister once again. I have 2 brothers that live out of state. They only hear the lies my mom tells them about me and my sister. One knows the lies are untrue, but the other one believes the lies. Mom is tearing us all apart. She once removed me from all powers of attorney without telling me and my siblings didn't want to incur the wrath of my mom. She ultimately had to tell me after a legal crisis. I was crushed. I now have POA again, but she is back to saying I am trying to take everything away from her. She has stopped eating right and started drinking more. She has called me at night, completely drunk saying she thinks she is dying. I run to her house and she is sobbing, wishing she were dead. I am heartsick. She finally fell and split her head in a drunken stupor. The doctor told me to confront her that it can't continue and I a kind and caring way, but now she wants nothing more to do with me. I live 1/2 a mile away and she won't talk to me other make nasty remarks. I am starting to get counseling because I don't know how to deal the this anymore. It is affecting my family life too. I just need to get past this. I can only leave this to God because I can't deal with it anymore....

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by Angelbaby01, Nov 20, 2014
I'm also reading these posts through tears.. I can't believe after all this time of feeling all alone. (my whole entire life ) I'm not alone at all! So very glad I found this. I'm 48 and mom is 77. I'm married over 30 years, my children are grown, and I have grandchildren. Mom lives by herself. In her eyes everything I do is wrong!!! Nothing I do or say is ever good enough, never was Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!! My only sibling is my twin brother... whom I love very much!!! Mom treats him the total opposite of me. I told her no matter what she will never make me hate him. ( I think that's what she wants so she can blame me for that too ) I apologize for being all over the place, but a lot of emotions are surfacing) My parents divorced when we were 7 and we were split for the rest of our lives. I used to rack my brain trying to figure out why She hated me and treated me the way she did, and why she never really seemed to show love to me. Even my friends would question me and ask... why is your mom like that to u? I would always say... who knows ? Mayb I'm adopted and try to laugh it off. well I can't laugh it off anymore its too much!!! I, like many of you have always wanted that close loving unconditional mother - daughter relationship. So no matter what she said, did, etc... I always tried to show her love, baked her birthday cakes, had her over for mothers day, over for many dinners, Holidays, etc... went out of my way to please her, she doesn't drive so I would pick her up and take her wherever she wanted to go. Mom always tried to use guilt trips on me, and for quite a while it worked, but no more!  I became more like her mom than she was to me. I was there for her, but I do not remember her ever really being there for me!!! She constantly to this day criticizes me for everything. I was a teenage mom and when I was in labor she almost missed the birth of my daughter!!! (very long story too painful too many things too, so i'm not going there, but mom had her adopted out!!! I haven't seen her since!!! I went on to marry and have more children. She has treated them different than my brothers children too. That cut me so deep, I don't think I've ever recovered. I should have realized then, but I was naive and just kept trying to tell myself... mom loves you she has to she is your mom and wants what is best for you. all mom's love their children... right? Well there have been times where she said if I said this or that sorry... but it was always justified with you did or said and that's why I said whatever... Mom has called me many names many times and last night too!!! It still hurts ya know!!! anyways... I am a Christian and I choose to forgive and love my mom even if she never does. She is Christian also. So I pray God will open her eyes and her heart to the truth and mayb she will c what a kind and loving daughter she has. Mayb all of our mom's will one day c the truth!!! I pray for u all and myself that we can find that peace that passes all understanding!!! I'm not too sure about many things... but this one thing I'm confident of Jesus is the answer!!! He will keep in perfect peace who's mind is stayed on Him!!! Father help us to stay focused on YOU!!!!!!!!! May God Bless You All!!!!      

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by 2nisey, Nov 23, 2014
Wow, all these posts and they sound so much like my situation with my Mom.  Actually, it's both of them, my Mom and my Dad, a double whammy.  They are both malignant narcisstics and everything has to be their way.  They have no friends and invite no one over to their house.  They are the most miserable people I have ever seen and neither one of them has a sense of humor that I can see.  My Mom doesn't drive either.  My late boyfriend's Mom was the same way.  I gave up everything to help her and she stabbed me in the back.  I moved to USA 35 years ago and I no longer visit my parents.  The last visit was so totally unbearable I just told myself that I would never again put myself through that again.  My Dad wouldn't even let me crack the car door window to get some air.  Ordered me to wind the thing up.  Yes, it's extreme.  My mother has had to live with him for 50+ years and she is now the same way, survival I guess.  They are very clever at playing mind games, very manipulative and party poopers.  They will rain on your parade any chance they get and my late boyfriend's mom the same.  My boyfriend remained faithful to his malignant narcisstic mom and unfortunately he got sick and died an early death.  He was so sweet and it's hard to believe he came out of her.  I guess they didn't get what they wanted and they punish others.  My life has been very hard, I live alone in a country I wasn't born in and I have no support, but I wouldn't dream of treating people like this.  I don't have it in me.  Everywhere I go I am subject to abuse, at work too, it follows me.  I am very quiet and do not know how to express myself.  I wasn't allowed to growing up.  My Dad controlled me, I was an extension of him, he didn't see me as a real person and still doesn't.  My Dad even thinks people should eat the same bread he eats and won't visit any place that doesn't sell it.  I really think there is mental illness involved.  He is in his 80's now but I always remember him to be this way.  I could go on with the stories and there is no resolution to it all except to put up with them.  Well, it took a turn for the worst recently.  I was very busy for 10 weeks, going to school and working.  My Mom tried to call me 2 or 3 times with big gaps of time in between, like she was really that worried, left no message or anything until last call.  We usually speak once every 3 months or so and it hadn't been that.  I tried calling her several times, no answer.  When she finally got a hold of me she blew up and all the mind games and manipulation started.  I tried to say I tried to call her.  I even wrote to her explaining everything.  It didn't matter.   She continued to behave like a basket case which is so typical for her.  Everything is drama, drama and a big blown up imagination.  I actually stood up for myself in 50 years.  I told her to calm down and to stop freaking out.  I have been under immense stress with my boyfriends' death, his mother, going back to school, finanancial problems.  She doesn't care, when I told her I need to stay calm she didn't get it.  Well, she took it to my Dad and twisted everything up.  I told my Mom, I had to end the call because I just couldn't talk (all the drama etc. but I didn't tell her that).  Now when I last spoke to my Dad he said my Mom won't come to the phone anymore, just writing, she's very upset.  It is as though she's switched everything around.  The letter, however, said nothing about her, just that I was in college and working, so I don't get it.  I tried to tell my Dad she was freaking out and I told her to calm down.  The bottom line from them is I do not speak to my mother like that, and I have to accept the fact that she never wants to talk again and I have to accept it and life is not fair.  May be it is a blessing in disguise because I was having a terrible time dealing with her phone calls and they would depress me.

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by 1angel14, Nov 24, 2014
wow, my mom is the same and now is dying from cancer and is getting worse!  So sad and confusing.  
She is so mean, always has been, doesn't like me because I am female.  Is pitting her husband and my
son against me.  Hates my good relationship with my daughter because she has no control over it.  It
is crazy.  Can't believe so many people have posted about the same thing.  She says it's all me, she has
been to prison, spent seven years for manslaughter.  Killer her sixth husband because he has an affair.
But everything is my fault.  I'm the one who is wrong…..I'm the one who has not treated her right.  But
I am still trying to be here with her going through pancreatic cancer….oh well,  my bad.

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by dbrandy25, Nov 25, 2014
my mom is the same way funny thing is she was a Great mom Growing up it's only after she had a nervous break down did she start acting like this funny thing is when we visited her in the hospital my husband took one look at her and was scared to go into the room she was not the same person you could look on her face and tell she wasn't my mother I think she may be demon possesed I know it sounds funny but my mom use to be a wonderful Christian woman but the way she was raised was well if you do right by God everything in your life will be perfect she was never told of hard times etc. so she felt like God had turned his back on her when really he was there all along anyway after that day she treats all of us like crap even has made threats but I do not believe it is my mother saying these things I believe the devil has a  hold of her because she is soooo hateful to us like in her mind she could hurt us and it would make her happy she is impossible to please it just doesn't happen she could win 100 million dollars and never be happy. It really buts a strain on my life and I love her but how do I let the toxic go and not have anything to do with her everytime I try I feel wrong because she is my mother. My sister whos an angel though has done herion left her kids etc. is freaking perfect when everything is my fault but my sister no she's an angel oh it gets on my nerves at least I know now there are other people who relate this has really helped me a lot

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by Washington97, Feb 01, 2015
Hi there, my name is Heather. I'm 17, 18 on February 16th and well, I think looking up and reading every comment that has been posted through sheer heartfelt and relation to this subject says a lot. There's now a divide in our 'family', although I wouldn't really consider or call what this is a family. Especially in comparison with those around me. My older sister, Danielle, married a man my mother despised. Truthfully, he did cheat on her multiple times, but she loved him. He's in the police force and so despite his affairs, he still carries a great deal of authority and respect. My mother has been mentally I'll for a while. We first started seeing signs a few years ago and when confronted, of course, she denied it. My mother shares a lot of similar qualities, if not identical. Recently, my life has gotten very difficult. She threatens me about kicking me out on my birthday and packing my bags. Etc, I've been told to stay with my sister, although she's 30 next month and wanting to start trying for her own family. I don't speak to any relatives on my mums side as they are not very nice people, and those on my dad's side (my grandma and aunt) cannot accommodate for me and so that leaves me to be put into a hostel. My mother knows this, and infact, says 'I hope you've found a hostel' and 'I don't want you under my roof' I wish I could explain everything. It is painful and not something that I express openly and freely with ease. This is all still happening now, at 11.30pm on Sunday 1st February. I'm in college, I'm having to resit the year. I'm hoping to be a teacher but with this situation and trying to find a flat that accept DSS and housing benefit is difficult and quite scary. Especially when the only flats that are coming your way are potentially dangerous. I am at a stage in my life where I feel as though I am at my most vulnerable. I'm on the waiting list for therapy, and visit my doctor regularly. My relationship with my oldest sister is spiralling out of control as she felt as though a restraining order against my mother and moving as far out as Wetherby would get her away from the torment, however I need her for the moral support. I don't know what to do, I have no relatives to stay with and a father who is a quite man. He never speaks and so I don't really know anything about him or his personality for that matter. If you could, please fire some words of encouragement, anything, anything that would ignite hope.
Thankyou x

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by Husbandofadaughter, Mar 22, 2015
I'm a husband of a daughter. My wife's mom is everything all of you said. We have distanced ourselves from her and we plan to move even farther. My wife loves her mother but doesn't want the poison to get to me or our kids. I just pray that every person that reads this or post here, that has a mom or dad that is like this, will look at themself. Really look, without lying to themself. Think about the way you treat people in your life. How you talk about other people, how you react when everything is not perfect. Because no matter how much my wife hates the way her mother makes her feel and the way her mother makes other people feel. She is just like her. She is exactly like her mother in every way. She doesn't realize that she is doing and acting the exact same way to every and each situation in her life. And if it doesn't change soon I hope and pray I can keep my kids as far from it as possible. My prayers are with all of us

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by Oconn, Mar 23, 2015
My mother has been evil her entire life but of course in front of people, shes not the same peraon.I have a disabled child, and finally I just had to cut ties with my mother. She blames her evilness on her upbringing, but all these years later, shes never tried to fix it, she  just dwells on it and 60 years later, still using the same excuse for her devilish ways. I have bigger issues in my life attempting to advocate for my child. I dont need her in our lives trying to bring me down. I am a grown adult and dont have to put up with it anymore. But her and my dad say I have the problem. I dont even know how he has been brainwashed by her, but hes always made the same excuses for her bad behavior as she does  

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by Jules1776, Apr 02, 2015
Wow, when I came on I could not believe the number of people with similar experiences. I'm a 39 yo man with a wife and three kids. I'm in a professional job and every thing is ok...except my mother. She aims to publicly humiliate me at every turn and is never in the wrong . She tells her friends in front of me how I've changed for the worse. She's warped, bitter and twisted. She ruins family events and tries to humiliate me at every turn. I've always but my tongue because she's my mother but I do really now believe that I've grown to detest her and I feel awful for saying that because she can be so good on many ways but it has this price

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by sassien24502, Apr 05, 2015
Jules1776 - I was like you.  I thought I was the only one.  Now I'm glad to know I am not.  My difficulty is that my mother has always been this way my entire life and continues to  be this way at age 78 but I am an only child.  I have no brothers or sisters to help me and now my mother has pancreatic cancer.  She has been with me for three weeks and has criticized everything from the ice to the TV shows she likes to watch!  I can NEVER please her with anything.  It is taking a toll on me having to be the only caregiver.  My son lives 3 hours away with 3 little children so it is not possible for him to help.  My husband doesn't want to upset her no matter how nasty she gets to me.  I will not be the caregiver once her surgery occurs.  I am thanking God for that.  I do not know how much more I am expected to take from her.  I know God does all things for a reason but I am wondering what that reason is just now?  I thought I had taken enough in my lifetime of her verbal and mental abuse but I guess not.  I am going to have to distance myself yet again once she has this surgery.  She will be having caregivers in her OWN home for this next phase of her treatment.  I am thankful she purchased long term health care years ago.  I made it one of my promises in my lifetime to never treat anyone like she treats me.  I have even had cousins tell her she should stop the way she treats me and it went in one ear and out the other.  She will never stop.  What is funny is that just like some of you, she treats everyone else like they were gold!

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by NeezieIsrael, Apr 14, 2015
Are we all talking about the same woman here? R u all my siblings? I wish I could read every post above but it would take forever and nothing would change the fact that we were all born to horrific evil narcisstic women. At least we were able to turn history around. Well that's what my gorgeous children tell me I have done. We wouldn't be the parents we are today without being raised by these evil women.

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by Delishgal589, Apr 28, 2015
My mother is a nasty piece of work. She was physically, verbally and mentally abusive to me, It was so bad I was suicidal, Had to run away from home and live with friends to get my mind right. Told my siblings, to fight back before they were 18 or they would be in the same situation I had lived thru. They put her in her place and she backed off, they lived their life and had a good time.  Once she went thru the change, she mellowed ALOT  but now the dementia and old age has loosened the filter.  I don't feel like my mother ever truly loved me how is that possible??  I literally adore my children, no matter what they mistakes they make in life. I love them soooo much.  She has my Dad ignore me, and he doesn't have much to do with me.  Im a good person, never did drugs, never arrested, but just always felt I never measured up in their book.  Its all about money and degrees and sucessrul trapping with them.  So years ago, for my mental and emotional health I moved, away and have minimal phone contact with the whole bunch of them.  Cut my ties, and decided to be happy with who i am,  the rest of the world likes me just fine.   Since I had stayed away for many years, I forgot how mean and nasty she could be, till I had to come back a while ago  to visit a dying relative, and had to see her too.  For two days, all i heard was her picking fights over stupid stuff., twisted pretty much everything  anyone said, so bad it derailed the conversation, Everything is about her, and how it effects her, she is always the victim. Bragged how she told a handicapped friend that she couldn't hang out them any more, cause she just wasn't getting anything out of the relationship anymore.  Its wasn't fun for her anymore.   Holy Crap!! And she saw nothing wrong with crushing a handicapped persons self esteem for her own.  Shaking my head still on that one.   She is so cruel to my Dad. He has worked his *** off for her to live a life of luxury and she is ungrateful, and so mean to him.   I feel so bad, he has been treated that way for all those years.  Can't see why he stuck around.  She acts privlidged and will tell you, I am not done talking, your interruppting me.  Let me speak and treats my Dad like dog ****.  I wonder what held them together all these years. I guess she must be great in the sack or he is scared of her.. Anyway  I see my Dad's health failing now that he is getting older and worry that he will never be truly happy or get away from her.  Wish she would just go mental the rest of the way so he could put her in a home and live without all the conflict. She will be one of those crazy bat residents who they have to restrain.   What a miserable human being to be so blessed and have nothing but hate, contempt and vileness in your soul, oh but she is a Chrisitian, trying to save her sorry abusive soul and into heaven.  So no.  When she dies I will not be sad.  I will however throw a  themed party, buy drinks on the house and celebrating the Wicked Witch is dead!  and get drunk.  & I  DO NOT DRINK!    My siblings know how I feel about her, and they are the ones stuck with her. Kissing her ***.  God bless em   So glad I am not anything like her!!!!

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by funkymute, May 02, 2015
To Bitter, Nasty, Hateful Mother Post:

I felt like I was reading about me and my mother as I read over your entry. I know you wrote yours in '08 , but am hoping things have gotten better for you and her.... or maybe you have distanced yourself from her.  
I have read several posts on here after a mountain out of a molehill fight (again) between my mom and me.  I am crying and lamenting over all of these sad entries. It is wonderful to know we are not alone in our difficulties, but Geezzz it is depressing...My mom , Ruth I will call her by her name . I am so mad, don't want to say mom.
She was the most loving of mothers , nice, clean, clean house, good moral values, etc.
My dad did her and our family ( me, her and my sister 2yrs older.) totally wrong. His infidelities were abominable and destroyed their marriage.  I could add that she let us in at ages 10 and 12 about all of these marital problems and talked badly about dad and it was unforgettable. Kids do not need to know all of that stuff.  She painted a bad picture of dad and I wanted his attention, as all little girls do. I was angry at him for ruining everything and being mean to my mom and more angry at her for divulging every detail to us kids. I never said anything and was a quiet mouse.
I won't go into great detail about the back and forth of loyalties but it was hard. Long story sort of short, she was nice up until I was 26 ( I am now 45) and they were long since divorced. Since menopause she had been gradually turning evil
So, she had that excuse to be a ***** to me at that time (never to my narcissistic sister) and it has grown worse as the years have gone by. I in fact, moved back out of state in 96 to get  away from her.  I moved back here to So. California in Jan 2011 .  She had been pining for my love and attention when  or up to whenI came to visit (before moving back here) and then she would be the most spiteful *****. Jealous, calling me names,. she told me once on a vaca in Hawaii with sis and family, that she couldn't believe that gorgeous man look ed at me and that I had had all of those good looking boyfriends because I was somewhat overweight and men like a woman with a good could they like you? she asked....
I am voluptuous , not a fat *** or whatever.....and even if I was ,,,,who cares?
I have always been ridiculed because I am not a size her and my sister. I am , however the only one who is smart, I am living my dream of being an artist, have traveled the world three times over and lived abroad. It is as if my mother is jealous.  I have no idea, but she has turned nuts .  She will get me into her good graces and then like yesterday and tonight pull some unwarranted b.s. on me and cut me down. and drive me to walking out of her place. I walk on egg shells even though I go to doctors' appts with her, act as her advocate, help with housework, (that is never good enough, either and I am a clean freak!!!) She is scaring me while she drives, Accidents almost happening , she calls everyone a gook, nip or ******* mexican(My dad is half mexican) or ******* oriental.... everyone is ugly ....etc.
Ruth never ever apologizes, never accountable, ever! Yesterday she called me a ******* ***** when I told her which freeway to take. So , yeah, um . I don't know what to do...I secretly wish she would die in her sleep.... I hate her, I hate her abuse . But what kills me is that I used to love her so much and we were best friends, super close.  Now she tries to buy my love. Instead of apologizing she will buy me a 600 dolllar Nikon or take me to Nordstrom . I don't want that at all. I want my former nice mom back. Help! SHe is so mean I don't know what to do,,, P.,S. she is now 71 , I am 45 she has been single since 1986 (few boyfriends , but never remarried.) I just am not interested in helping her anymore.....

Avatar universal
by Done1234, May 05, 2015
I too have a horrible, hateful mother.  I'm 61, my mother is 84.  I have had no contact with her or any of my siblings now for close to 6 months...and I never will again.  My mother always had her oldest sister brother or my younger sister.  Yet, I am the one my parents always relied on for money, help, etc.  During my first marriage, my mother had an affair with my husband.  At first denied it, then said it shouldn't have happened, but never said she was sorry about it.  I should have ended my relationship with her then, but didn't because of my Dad. When my son got married and had children, my mother took great delight in my daughter-in-law (now ex) inviting her to activities with the kids and made sure to tell me all about it...kind of a rub it in my face.  She constantly talks behind everyones back about them.  Thirteen years ago my father asked me to prepare his will.  I agreed.  My father said the property needed to be surveyed and they didn't have the money.  So I agreed to pay the $3000 for the survey.  They both sat down with me on several occasions and told me what they wanted done.  My Dad had been diagnosed with lung cancer and was going to die soon.  They didn't have the money to pay the hospital, so they decided to divide the property up among who they wanted to have what and deed it with them having a life estate.  Simple huh?  Not!  I should say while my Dad was in the hospital I paid the $750 deposit required and the $800 per month for 4 months for his medication.  My siblings did nothing.  I did exactly what both my parents asked me to do.  The property was divided among the kids and one grandson (just happened to be my son) got a small piece of property.  My kids had always been close to my parents and my son had been in the Army like my Dad and was more of a son versus a grandson to them.  Well fast forward 12 years to the end of last year, and my wonderful, loving mother and my siblings sue me because they didn't think my son should have anything and they were mad at me.  Seriously?  So I told them I'd give the two guns that were given to me to pay for the survey (which it came no where close to the cost) because my brother wanted brother has always been jealous of my son.  I'm sure it's horrible of me to say, but I can't stand those people.  I have forgiven them because they are ignorant, but they know better.  And my mother joined in with the suit and sat in front of two attorneys and lied through her teeth.  She did admit to the mediator when we were in a room just the three of us that she did what she was told to do by my father and that she hadn't agreed with it.  Seriously?  So I pay the price because of your stupidity?  Needless to say, at the end of all this crap, it'll cost me over $10,000 in attorneys fees.  But there's karma.  Since they sued me, my brother had a heart attack and required bypass surgery and my oldest sisters husband lost his job.  I have to say, I never wish harm on anyone, but I do find it kind of funny.  Never once over all the years that they have been mean and hateful to me did I ever think of suing my mother.  Maybe I should have!  Sad to say, it's embarrassing to say that they people used to be family.  

Avatar universal
by MyMotherHatesMe, May 22, 2015
All of your stories have made me realize i am not alone. I know the pain you have all experienced. I thought i was the only person who was verbally abused and hated by my mother. I am an only child. My mother 78 just had stroke and its my fault. I live in another country and am 5000 miles from my mother. I talk to her every day in the hospital. One day she is nice, the next wicked and evil and she reminds me that i was always an unwanted child and she wishes i was dead. I have always been good to my mother, despite her hatred of me. She was a drinker and drove everyone away. I am the only person she has left. As painful as it is to hear her wicked words towards me, i am leaving this in God's hands.

To everyone here, please do not let anyone, put you down to try to hurt you. You are a much better person for not talking all this personally. Remove yourself from negative, hurtful or harmful people.

Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories. It has helped me.

Avatar universal
by Lostinalabama, Jun 03, 2015
I have a mother and grandmother that live together and they have always hated each other. My grandmother got married at 14 and had 6 children by the age of 26. According to my mother, my grandmother enjoys pitting one child against another and always has done so. My grandfather was very strict with my mother, telling her what to wear, making her go to church each day, whipping her if she failed to meet his standards, basically my mother didn't learn how to make her own decisions. Her life has been one of multiple (26?) failed relationships as well as mental and physical abuse. Now she is bitter, tries to tell everyone what they should do with their life and with me, anything I do is never good enough. On mother's day, she came to my home, while I was preparing for a granddaughter's 1st birthday, and starting talking to my oldest daughter about how my husband and I treated her differently than his mother. This because in the hectic heat of the preparations, I did not wish her Happy Mothers day upon her entering the door. And she came for me to do her hair while during these activities. (This is a routine request of my mother) My mother is 68 and still quite pretty but vain. She will not wear glasses to read, even though she needs them. She has dated men younger than me, and men in which I asked her not to bring to my home. Some of these guys had prison records, some had drinking problems, some were addicted to porn. See the pattern? I'm quite finished with the web of my mothers machinations, trying to meet her expectations, allowing her to use me as an alibi when she does not want others to know what she is doing. She calls my daughters to tell one what the other one is doing wrong. They are also done with her pattern of behavior. Now she has also managed to tell lies to my grandmother of things I did not say. I will also add, that I am the only grandchild that has anything to do with my grandmother due to her past behavior. I have tried to help my mother, even with professional help. But she doesn't think she has a problem. I could go on and on to list my mothers destructive pattern in detail, but there probably isn't room. And to be quite honest, it would sound like a thing of fiction. But it's true and very sad. I could tell you of the nights I prayed for my mother's safety, knowing at that moment she was being physically abused. How I would get her to leave the maniac that hurt her, only to have her return to him.
This may sound harsh, but I have grieved for my mother, cried for my mother and been terribly hurt by her. BUT, as of today, I will no longer pander to my mother's or grandmother's need for strife in their lives and to cause others pain. I no longer want this type of garbage in my life.I have my own family and my own life to live. I cannot make them happy, they must first learn to remove the bitterness from their lives and accept the responsibility to make their own happiness.

Avatar universal
by Seeking_sanity, Jun 07, 2015
Thank you to all that have shared!  I was desperately searching for help online when I stumbled on to this site.  I left home when I was 17 because I hated my home life. My older siblings were always in trouble with law, and my moms boyfriend was a drunk pediiphile. He tried to molest me when I was 13.  I was afraid to tell her because we needed him financially so I threw myself I to my sports and made sure my kid sister was always with me so he couldn't hurt her.  About a year later, my mom & I got into a huge fight, she pulled chunks of hair out of my head and busted my lip.  I went to school the next day and was called to the office.  My boyfriends parents called CPS so the police came to my school to make sure I was ok.  I lied & said that everything was ok.  I went home that night only to be confronted by mother calling me a liar.  She told me that my boyfriend confronted her and told her to keep her drunk boyfriend away from me.  He told her what I had told him.  She told him that I was lying, she didn't believe me either & she stayed with him.  The next 3 years were filled with  her angry physical outbursts and his drunken behavior, but school was done & I moved out of state.  6 months later, he tried it with my little sister and she caught him.  Worse, 10 years later my little brother told me he molestead him.  I carry that gilt with me everyday because I didn't think to protect my little brother and I left my little sister.  It's been 31 years now and last year I moved my mother 1200 miles to be closer to me so I could help her.  3 of my siblings lived less then 45 minutes from her but never help her.  She was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer & I didn't want her to be alone. Financially I have helped her over the last 20 years because no one else would. Now that she's here, it's hell all over again.  She not only takes here anger out on me, she takes it out on my 13 year old son.  I've kept my son away from the craziness of my youth but now I've brought it here. I went to her house today to check on her and and she instantly lashed out at me because she had a problem with the cable company.  She blamed me because she was so unhappy and that she couldn't stand to be around my ******* of a son and at him as she said it.  I told her I was done and to go to hell!  When I got in the car my son asked me why she called him a *******.  I can't even express to you how bad that hurt.  He didn't even do anything to her!  I have been happily married for 22 years to my sons father.  Why would she say that...why am I surprised!  I can't let her do this anymore, I can't let her hurt my son!  I need to walk away for good but how?  How do I look myself in the mirror knowing I've abandoned her.  What do I tell my son when ive always taught him to be kind to others and find forgiveness in your heart?  How do I walk away??

Avatar universal
by Vandguard1, Jul 04, 2015
At 65 years of age, I too, have spent a lifetime with a mother who not only judged me but the whole world at large. There were times I fully tolerated it because she had had a painful childhood.  A bad stepfather and a mother who from everything I know was cold and uncaring.  When my dad was alive he balanced her in many ways.  He was not perfect but I never saw the pure hatred that my mom can deliver.  About a year ago my mom seemed to be sufferring memory loss.For a
short time she became passive and would listen to all of us.  I am the oldest of five girls.  Then after visiting the doctor we found out that the memory loss was a result of abladder medication she was on.  Well the doctor changed the prescription
and moms memory and hateful personality came back with a vengeance.  I thought at some points it might be a mother /daughter competition.  At points in  my teen years I had been more a mother to my sisters than she could ever have been.

She  ended all that by cutting me off from my family after a move to a different state.  Any closeness we felt as a family dwindled year to year.  She judged and ridiculed me and my siblings and made divisions deeper.

My mom is 84, she is in good physical health and lives comfortably in a small apartment with three of my sisters close by.

I can fully understand having to endure a bad childhood, but, I can no longer put up with the hatred.

Today is the 4th of July.  I saw my mother last at Easter,called her on Mothers day, spoke to my sister who lives in the same building just before Memorial Day.   I thought I would call mom today but i just can not pick up that phone.

Like another poster said.  I could never trat my children in the manner she treated

I will contact her before summerz end and make sure there is nothing she needs.  Thats a given.

As to the rest of this.  She has destroyed it.

Don't fight things you can't change.  God Bless!

Avatar universal
by today_am_here, Jul 05, 2015
  Obviously, she didn't want us.  She got pregnant with my brother at 17.  OK she made a mistake.....then why did she have me and my sister?  We didn't ask to be born.

While i cannot change your situation about your nasty mother, i want you to know you are not alone.
In my later years as i seeked for therapy and my own healing i had to "let go" of my cruel mother. At some
point prior to that i had asked her not to give me any of her food. It always felt i had to kind of pay her back.

Anyway i disconnected her for years and later met her when she was a mentally sick woman.

My healing was my priority. I did not even attend her burial... but i think mainly because of depression
rather than hating her.

If you may know hatred was the primary emotion in my small and extended family.
I am still reeling from the force of having to estrage so many people from my life.

Peace and courage to your way.

Avatar universal
by today_am_here, Jul 05, 2015

Blames me for her having to get married because she became pregnant with me - remember I am 55 - so this is getting a little old.  

lol. It is 55 years not a little old. dump her or within no time it will be 70 year old.

Avatar universal
by today_am_here, Jul 05, 2015
sorry guys for all the s*it your mothers gave yah.
I was luckier myself. Though my birth mama was fit to be the wife of satan and every family member
kind of picked up after her... i was lucky to have a "sponsor", a kind of a surrogate mother who
loved me and showed me a happier way of life.

But that hatred from a sadistic b*tch was strong enough for me to develop complex mental illnesses,
psychosis, clinical depression, pschological burn outs, dissociations, bipolar manias and a full
participation in cults and mysticm. unable to form relationships i could only graviatate to abusive
persons, dependents and narcists. My self estemm has been so low it only requred someone
to give me a plate of food and i could give them my soul. it practically has had no value all along.

My sponsor has acted as a candle in my recovery. Which has taken very long. 22 years.
On the whole i know where my journey is headed. I cannot imagine how it must be for those who have had
no other role models to latch onto into their recovery.

good wishes everyone.

Avatar universal
by nomoreworries, Jul 10, 2015
These mothers are definitely narcissistic! I have a mother who is this way too. It saddens me to know I will never have a real mom who wants a true relationship with me. I was the scapegoat and my younger brother who died 4 years ago was the golden child. I am 46 and just figured out why my mother has always treated me so mean. Narcissistic personality disorder is a very serious condition and they DON"T ever change! I have done a lot of research the past week and I am now at peace with now knowing why I have never been loved. They are so abusive and manipulative! Stay away!!It has been 10 months since I have had contact with my mother and a weight feels like it's been lifted off of me and I am so happy now! I am a grown *** woman and don't have to take it anymore! We are not the little girls who they can scare anymore! Stay strong and don't let your mothers "trick" you into getting you to have contact for those who have stopped all contact. They will say and do anything to keep their supply going if they can. I have a beautiful almost 19 year old daughter and I have a great relationship with her and will always be there for her. I don't ever want her to feel like I did as a child and adult! Break all ties with those narcissistic mothers!!! It isn't worth the horrible feeling they always give you and it isn't good for your children to be around it either!! Life is too short for you not to be at peace and happy!! Good luck ladies!! :)

Avatar universal
by HearMeOut, Jul 24, 2015
With my Mom, it seems like everything I do never counts & she still wants everything out of me. Now that my brother and I have our own job she see's us as money cows.. the conversation would only get interesting for her if its about money. Although we give most of our salary to her I saw her steals money from my brothers wallet while he was sleeping & most of the time Im home I lose money but, I never confronted her as she will lie about it too) I grew up looking down at myself just cause EVERYTHING I do, she contradicts & discourage. Everytime I tell her my achievements & plans for the future, I just felt bad after cause there she is throwing shades at me. I became a pessimist, loser, been bullied. I tried to be optimistic by avoiding her cause when shes around she never fails to spread her negativity. I dont even want her to find out anything about me anymore cause she'll twist my words anyway & announce it to everyone. I remember having an enemy because of her & she doesnt care. Shes always makes up stories so people would pity her & make others turn against us her. Also, she looks down at people & say nasty stuff about them but, she's totally different in front of them. Most of the time she's tactless. she degrades us(including my father) in front of her friends and relatives. She sometimes steals the spotlight and acts as if she did the hardwork. Apparently my father is a very soft man & he would always walk under her shadows. she manipulated him when we were kids saying that if he turn against her  he's never gonna see(us) his kids again. I dont want to have children cause I'm afraid I may turn out to be just like her. Shes mostly the reason why Im depressed growing up-shes the reason I feel bad nowadays, shes mostly the reason why I dont believe in myself. She has to see me struggle to be heard.. she said sorry but she goes back to her old manipulative, entreating, selfish, liar, meanest self. I realized that that's how she is. Shes never going to change.  Maybe our life would be a lot better if she atleast dont know how to speak.

Avatar universal
by Synthia69, Aug 22, 2015
I have been reading and reading all these horrid tears! I am 46 and after years of hoping and wishing for my mother to just change...I sadly know deep in my soul she never will! I can't even go into my very lengthy family history however just today marks a week that after a silly argument my mother hasnt left her bedroom...except to go get fast food and look for a place to move!  This is not the first time she has do e this...the last time she kicked me and my family out on the street...we were homeless for three in a tent! To this day all of it she completely denies any part in what happened! I know you might question why I would have this horrid woman living in my house....well stupidity!!! On my part!! After a lengthy seperation from her I thought wow she had really worked on stuff....she truly missed her family...and had changed!!! It was all an illusion a horrible terrible illusion!!! I hate myself for allowing this to happen again!! I'm so angry and stressed that I have allowed her beyond cruel behavior into my home and around my children and grandchild!!! When will I ever friggin learn!! She is never ever going to change and just appreciate what sge has!! I am so very frustrated  and hate feeling so ashamed at my choices! And people you try and say this too just belittle you further as shes your mom! You should have respect for her! Shes aging support her blah blah blah....they have zero idea what my life has been like because of her!!

Avatar universal
by JCBlan, Aug 24, 2015
I came across this post, by asking "why does my 89 year old mother despise me". I am 63. My mother was diagnosed with dementia about 11 years ago. My 90 year old father was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in January of this year. He has been her sole caregiver since 2004. We recently talked him into having a caregiver to help take care of both of them. My mother has always been self-absorbed. I honestly think I was the "surprise" baby she did not want, and I'm the eldest! She has always reminded me I was an accident. For as far back as I can remember, she has been churlish, criticizing, and just plain mean. I could never do anything right nor could I ever please her. She often reminded me how "stupid" I was. I was 6 when I was molested by her then 14 year old sister. When I told my mother what happened, she called me a liar. I never told my father because he would have been devastated,  and at 6 all I wanted to do was protect him. As an adult, I sought help to deal with this. To this day, I do not care about her "baby sister" one bit. Karma has a way of giving you exactly what you deserve. That "thing" suffered many health issues and is basically a vegetable in a wheelchair. So be it. Really sad that the one person who should protect you, your mother,  defends the person who hurt you. Since my father became ill, he began to see how nasty my mother can be. She says he is faking his cancer. She is verbally abusive to him, stands over him and screams at him, throws things at him. She calls me a liar, a thief and a b***h. I told my father her behavior is nothing new, just much worse than it has ever been, and welcome to my world. With dementia, she is just showing her true self. He never saw that side of her, she kept it under wraps and saved it for my siblings and me while my dad went to work. I would love to spend time with my dying father, but she makes that impossible. He is very frail and does not have a lot of time left. My mother needs to be in a facility and my father doesn't have the heart to place her in one. I was beginning to have stress related health issues and I knew I had to take care of my health, I have a family of my own, so I realized it's best if I just stay away from my mother all together. My sister lives in the UK, she said she will not move back to the U.S. until our mother is in the ground. My mother treated my brother the worst, but he is strong enough to look past her and just ignore her.  I can't. I contacted their caregiver, she has agreed to take my mother for drives and such to get her out of the house a few times a week so I can spend some time with my dad. And my mother does not know I have been assigned power of attorney over her, for everything. I have promised my father I will see to it that she gets the best and proper care money can provide and he has provided the monetary means for that, but she could die tomorrow and all I would feel is relief. She fell a few weeks ago and just missed the brick fireplace base by an inch. And I was wishing she hadn't. That sounds awful, but it's how I feel.

Avatar universal
by Frank1000, Sep 19, 2015
My mother is an extremely bitter hateful nasty woman. She wishes death upon other people's children. When there is a school shooting or a stabbing or a hurricane or any other disaster whether it is man made or natural, she always hopes children die. She also wishes horrific deaths upon immigrants and single mothers. She looks at CNN and USA today every morning to look for stories of children being murdered. She is filled with a psychotic hatred for kids, which is strange  since she had me. She often says that all children deserve death. I used to have arguments with her about why she says this and all she can say is "children are scum". I can't even stand being around her, the hatred is suffocating. It pains me that my mom is so psychotic.

Avatar universal
by Frank1000, Sep 19, 2015
My father, who was an absolutely gentle  teddy bear of a man, told me a long time ago to ignore her psychotic behavior and keep her at a distance. He sadly passed away because of a heart attack this year and since then she has repeatedly blamed his death on me for no reason at all and she has been harassing me over the phone.

Avatar universal
by IamBoth, Nov 01, 2015
I always new subconsciously my mother preferred my weak victim like sister and criminally stupid brother and hated me for no reason maybe because I looked just like my dad who she married and stayed with for 10 years who abused her. NOT MY FAULT!

When I was 14 I was raped repeatedly by my sister's husband. I ran away and never told anyone. When I was 21 I told my mother for the first time and her first instinct was to comfort my sister! who then stayed with her husband who raped me! I do not speak with my sister at all, she's dead to me. Thanks for the support "sister," she went on to have more children with him. A collective "Screw you sister I'm staying with the Rapist." Imagine if I had told them when it happened at that age of 14, they would have forced me to accept it, tell me it was my fault and I would have been a different person today. I would have been a brainwashed shell.

Yup, my sister and the raper went on to have girl children. One day I asked my mother if she doesn't suspect that because he abused me would he not do that to his daughters, she said, He would never!!! so again an insinuation silently that it was MY fault.

Everything is about my mother, even to the point where I was discouraged by my own mother to report my sister's husband, because it would destroy their family. I didn't care about the statutes of limitations, i just wanted to report him because I was finally growing the strength but was discouraged by my mother. Again, chalk up some more emotional abuse from both my sister and my mother as my sister played the victim and my mother naturally as she alwasy did, protect my sister and screw me in the process.

Let me tell you, I spent years suffering this! years thinking it was my fault, years of emotional abuse. of suffering in silence. One day I picked up and empowering book and started to learn that it was NOT MY FAULT. I barely speak to my mother because it is just draining, the pretense is pathetic I cannot stand the sight of her lord forgive me.

I will NEVER allow her to emotionally abuse me ever again. She will never accept me and I know this, she wants me on my knees, groveling and telling her how good a parent she is so she could continue to feel satisfied and egotistical and narcissistic, she wants the acknowledgment continuously that her single parenting drained her and she tried her best. Well, that might be, but I AM A GOOD PERSON too and did not deserve the BS they made me feel and still try to this day, like I am less than a person and not worthy of love, that I was a bad daughter and that I somehow put myself in harms way to be raped with the PERP living with us, that I was too rebellious, whatever, blah blah blah, I will never feel that way about myself ever again. he should be in JAIL. But, they protected him, still protect him to this day. So I leave them to time which can be unforgiving.

I would fry someone in a pan of hot oil and sit in prison if they ever, ever touched my daughter. So good luck to them and pretense, I am done. have been done with them for a long time, I have divorced my mother mentally with no remorse, she brought that on herself and she still does not care, that's the kind of spiteful person she is.

But I get the satisfaction in knowing that SHE KNOWS that she has NO power over me. Liberating!!!. She even blames me for her divorces!!! me???? what the heck did I have to do with that? Oh, I get it, I had the misfortune of being born and made her life difficult did I...oh well...Again NOT MY FAULT!!! so I don't care, its none of my business that was born. But I'm here, successful, happy, loved... raising my own children...loving my own

To mom: I accept that you will never love me (guess what, I don't give a crap, my kids love me, my husband loves me so you LOSE!)

I accept that you are a deeply flawed and miserable human being (I can't follow you down that path so god understands if I excuse you from 99% of my life, the other 1% part that remains is just Hello and thanks for the birth of a perfect human being like me even if I am imperfect as everyone is)

I accept that you are jealous of me, (your own daughter) and that you are not responsible for the successful beautiful person I am today (I feel sorry for you)
I accept that do not wish to change
I accept that you will continue to play the victim
I accept that you are weak (And that's okay, I just cant waste any energy on you because I need that for my own children and myself)
I accept that you are spiteful and incapable of forgiving (maybe because your own mother abandoned you, but again ITS NOT MY FAULT AND I CAN'T BE YOUR PUNCHING BAG FOR YOUR ANGER AND DISILLUSION)

NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT SO THEREFORE, I forgive you but must hold my presence out of yours as much as I can so I cannot be attacked by your vicious nature, your criticism, you're trying to shove your needs down my throat, your mistakes which aren't mine, your victimization, your spite, and the list goes one. Remember that I always sense your disgust at me and when I give you that knowing look, you wither up because you KNOW that I KNOW how you feel, so whatever you are about to say can stay dead before it leaves your mouth since I shut you down every time

I shut you down on the phone
I shut you down in any conversation very politely because I am immune to whatever you think of me, those days are gone
All that comes out would be criticism and telling me how much better you would have done something

Like remember when you overheard me and my husband having a disagreement and insinuated yourself by criticizing him, Remember that I REMINDED you that you've been married 3 times and divorced 3 times, that you are alone and couldn't keep any of your husbands so leave MY husband out of your mouth as we've been married fifteen years and are capable of solving our own disputes. "ahhhh, that felt good to see you shocked and silenced"

I am a woman fully capable of making intelligent decisions and DO NOT NEED YOUR INPUT so stop asking to give it
Thanks, but NO THANKS

I will wish you well but must refrain from being victimized and criticized by you anymore because I now recognize your abuse even after all these years.

I mourn the loss of our relationship shamelessly, but feel relieved that you now know you cannot use and manipulate me and you know I WILL NOT ALLOW IT

I will be sad when I think of you, maybe even cry at your funeral depending on how I feel and will bury you because it is my duty since I am the only child that is stable I won't leave your body to ROT in the morgue,

Until then,  I will stay cordial and not involve you in anyway in my life's activities

For now and forever, I will ONLY remain cordial and detached from your spoiled tantrums! and ignore every piece of your stupid, jealous advice because you are self serving and manipulative

Best of luck to you MOTHER (As that is your title)
But I will never give you the power of having mind control over me EVER AGAIN

A daughter who finally stood up for herself

Avatar universal
by Dianna828, Nov 13, 2015
Wow if it makes you feel any better you are not alone as this sounds like A clone of my mom and family. As they get older it only gets worse. Unfortunately I avoided seeing this a little too late. She's now 83. Throw in dimension and you have a whole new level of intensity. Lord help us! Stay positive and avoid the toxicity!

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by melanie1111111, Nov 13, 2015
I have not seen my mother since November, 1987 at which time I told her that did not want her at my graduation from MSU-CVM in May, 1988.   She called me a ***** and commenced to thrash me around, slapping me, pulling my hair out and of course cursing me (I was 27 years old at the time).   Nov. 1987 was the 2nd time in 7 years I had been home because I worked part time jobs to buy food, pay electric bill, pay trailer lot rent of which there was no heat, no A/C, no means of cooking because the stove had long since gone out, no refrigerator (used igloo) after year 1.    I ate food put out by McDonalds when the burgers went over 10 minutes on ready shelf..................they would put the bag of discarded burgers outside the back door.  I graduated weighing 98 pds with a 5'7" height.
I had a bike I bought for $35 and used it when I could not purchase gas for my old car a mechanic sold me at $50/month payments.  
No phone the first 3 years.
Rarely a letter from home.  Yes, a yearly birthday gift in mail..........
Year 3, I received a box of gifts I had made for my mother when I was a child.....   I burned them in a 50 gallon oil drum provided to each trailer for trash burning.  
My classmates were not aware of my hardship because I was too proud and too determined to survive.  I just knew that life would get better once I got the did and it has without her in it.
She is now 76 and I am 55.  She is not worthy of me.

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by GenSmuts, Nov 22, 2015
I feel so much better knowing I am not the only one with a nasty, vindictive and hateful mother. I am an only child. My only child a daughter is not bothered about her either. I suspect she has narcissistic psychosis. I am pleased we live over 600 kms away from her. My Dad is 80 today and i fear he hss lost complete interest in life because if her controlling behaviour. I have decided to cut ties completely with her. It is hurtful. I hope I never turnout like she has. At 74 she still thinks she is the be all and end all. She reminds me of the thug mothers from London. Like Martina Coles characters. In fact she would put them to shame. Thanks for listening. I feel a whole lot better:-)

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by Reggie09, Jan 17, 2016
Wow. What a revelation reading all these comments. My mother has made me feel like a pathetic inadequate child to this very day, and I'm 47! I'm not going to bang on with my whole story because it's all already been said above and whilst I deeply empathize for everyone's trauma at having these monsters as our mothers I have also found it comforting to finally realize I am not alone in my feelings towards the one person in life I should have been able to rely on for unconditional love. It has taken me until a a couple of years ago to understand that she is completely in the wrong for behaving the way she does and I do not deserve to have my future life controlled by her. The thought of standing up to her is terrifying but that is what she wants, that is how she designed me to feel from the day I was born. So I know longer feel guilty for my feelings of resentment and hatred towards her. She is toxic, venomous, spiteful, selfish, greedy, manipulative, an emotional parasite and everyday I pray she will drop dead. I hope she doesn't end up frail and infirm to the point she will demand I take of her because I absolutely don't have the feelings for her that would be necessary for me to do that. I resent given up a few hours every couple of weeks to take her shopping because a) she sulks it's never long enough but b) she has never given up 5 minutes for anybody else in her whole life and actually boasts that she doesn't care about helping anybody if there's nothing in it for her. I will never forgive her for bullying my lovely Nan, her mum, into changing her will to cut mine and my cousin's inheritance out so my share went to her and the only reason she kept an eye on her aunt when she got Alzheimer's was to get close enough to her to get her to change her will so she got a bigger cut than anybody else 'due to the care she was giving her'. What a *****. And typically, like so many others I am an only child so there is no-one to share the burden. But I am not going to feel sorry for myself anymore, I am going to put her in an imaginary box marked person with mental illness and draw a huge line between she and be brave enough to speak up every time she crosses it. Which will probably only be once. I've seen her in action and know from past experience that whenever anyone has stood up to her she banishes them from her life. Can't take the truth. I will just let that happen. Vile old cow! After a few traumatic years including a very bitter divorce from my abusive alcoholic ex-husband, shutting myself terrified to try and get a life (with no words of encouragement from her whatsoever), never having enough money and working with some truly horrid people I said that 2016 is going to be the year a lot of things are going to change for me. I deserve to be happy, treated with respect and loved, not something I  have EVER encountered from anybody except my 2 wonderful children, without whom I would killed myself long ago. And it all stems back to the fact that I was born from her. So certain people had better watch out because they're not going to like the new me! Happy New Year everyone and may you all make peace with yourselves, because you are all that matters xxx    

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by Katydid22, Feb 24, 2016
Im 52 years old and have not spoken to my toxic mom for 22 years. She has never met my sons (19 & 17) because i knew how mean she would have been to them. She would have told them mean spirited untrue stories about me just to spite me. I took care of her for years due to her mental health issues and very unhealthy marriage to my dad. He was abusive and she was mentally ill. They had 5 kids in 6 years. Very strict religious background ( not in actions but in words only).  Not a good combination. My dad was a firefighter and presented this perfect family to all his friends. If they only knew. The guys at the firehall loved him. They thought he was the  greatest guy. If they only knew the truth. He presented this great guy to everyone else except his own family.  I moved 4 hours away to another city for a great teaching job. My dad told me not to rely on them for anything if i moved away. I still drove home every weekend to be the buffer between the bad marriage. After i met an awesome guy i started living life for myself. I was not there for them any longer and they decided to kick me to the curb saying hateful things about me. That was the best advice my dad ever gave me. I cut all ties, and finally lived a life with no spite, hate and drama. Best decision of my life.  My husband and boys have a wonderful NORMAL life. I don't talk about it often and I'm sure people wonder why i don't see my parents. I don't have to explain anything to people. If you really ask people about their family dynamics, I know it is so much worse than people let on. It's not comfortable to talk about it, but to quote a cliche, It is What It Is. I did not ask to end up with parents who are incapable of loving themselves, let alone their own children or grandchildren but somehow I did. I don't dwell on what might have been if they only loved me. I did they only healthy thing and moved on with my life. I love my boys enough for 10 lives and surround myself with fun, positive people. (family, if you will).
My mom died 2 days ago and until then I didn't know how I would feel about it. The truth is, I don't feel any different than I did last week. She has not contributed anything positive to my life for the past 22 years, so I have nothing to miss. I wish her peace now but do mourn her for what she missed not getting to see what a great mom did raising her own kids.

Avatar universal
by Dianna828, May 09, 2016
Wow ... Thanks to all people posting! So helpful to feel not so all alone. Being the closest sibling I've always been there for my mom. She has always drug me into relationship issues with siblings/ my dad/ and many other people. I would always try to help her look at things differently and try to get her to work things out. She would talk horribly about my sister and husband and also about my brother and his family.  It wasn't until recently that I became her target of mean nasty lies and hurtful accusations because I became frustrated with never feeling as though there was any appreciation for all the help we give her and my dad and her constant complaining and that nothing was ever good enough. Her nasty narcissistic behavior that followed totally pulled the rug out from under my feet only to find out from my father that she has been this harsh her whole life and learn about many viscous things she had done to him and has treated him horribly. He covers for her behavior so as not to have to deal with her wrath later. I'm grateful I haven't had to deal with this before now but am continuing to work through the deceit and hate that she has thrown our way. She is 84 and this behavior comes and goes and boy can she put on a show to appear normal and just the sweetest person. I've also become aware that she treated her own mother this way and her father was abusive to her.  My heart aches for anyone who has to feel bad and treated poorly from their own mother. This makes Mother's Day have a different meaning. Thank god for my adorable ,loving, supportive husband!

Avatar universal
by MollyPatterson, May 12, 2016
It sounds just as though you just described my mother. Like my mother, your mother has narcissistic maternal syndrome. It is so sad. The best you could do is reduce the stress in your life by choosing yourself first, and staying far, far, far, far, far away. Change your number; change your name, and HIDE! I know exactly what you're going through. The worst part of it all is that no one understand and people would think that you are a bad child for staying away from an evil parent. I know the pain you are feeling, but you will always feel bad and sick if you stay around your mother; you have to choose yourself--run away and disconnect yourself from the devil.

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by Selfrespect7, May 21, 2016
My mom demanded I not go to my nephew's graduation because of the weather.  She told me WE will go take my nephew out to eat as a FAMILY at a later date.  Promises from my mom have mostly always fallen through.  After my cancer diagnosis she promised me a weekend at the lake which I think about everyday and she simply moved on to bigger and better things. I went to my nnephew's graduation and special dinner the next day going through bad weather the day of the dinner.  Inside I was so happy I went.  My nephew was  so glad I was there and loved the presents I  gave him at the dinner.  In the meantime I have heard nothing out of my family except my dad who is the only normal one.  I hurt so bad because this controlling, manipulating mess has gone on for years.  She has torn my sister's from me and demanded my nephew's own mother not to go to her own son's graduation.  Oh my bad my nephew's mom, my sister texted me and asked me how it went.
They say the 1%'ers are destroying the world and plan to kill off billions well honey I am so ready to be  put out of my agony.  I forgive but I will NEVER trust again.

Avatar universal
by Bingosemzi, Jul 08, 2016
I stand in the same shoes as the first post, but I am her adopted offspring not legally adopted!

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by HesListening, Oct 01, 2016
Same here.  I'm 51 and would like to share what's worked for me.  I'm hoping those of us over ~40 can help out the young people that post on here asking for help.

First the consensus seems to be to end the relationship if you can, and I wholeheartedly agree.  If you can't end the relationship, then at least minimize and CONTROL the time you spend with this woman.  You decide how much time you'll spend with her.  You decide, not her.

Second, remember that because of your experience, these women don't stand a chance against you.  I'm not only talking about our mothers.  I'm talking about co-workers, other relatives, etc.  You know how they think, how they get what they want, what motivates them.  You're way ahead of them.  And, like me, your skin has grown thick.  I'm very sensitive to their quirky behavior, and can tell they're nuts before others can.  Let me give you an example.  This group tends to stare. They're gathering information about an opponent.  Now people stare for a lot of reasons.  This is just a potential clue.  At this point I'll throw out some self-deprecating comment for a laugh.  Normal people will immediately forget about it.  Not our gladiator friend.  They'll save it and throw it in our face at the next opportunity.  That's when I know I'm dealing with someone I need to avoid.

This is just a tip, that you may not agree with.  Am I manipulative?  Probably.  Remember, I learned from the best.  But there is no malice in my heart.  Forgive me Lord.  Come up with your own tip if you don't like mine!  And please share!

God Bless You if you landed here.  I'll be praying for you.  And if you're not opposed to bible passages, check out Ezekiel 16:4-6.  

Whatever you do, go out and live your life!  What do YOU like to do?  Are you busy being a great parent?  Do you like music, literature, technology, crafts, animals?  It's a big world out there.  Don't miss out.  Life won't be perfect.  I still struggle with depression.  And was feeling blue when I found this post.  But life can still be great.  And think of the pain I've avoided by steering clear of this gladiator preparing for her performance at the coliseum in full roman soldier garb.  This fight to the death against me.  A female version of newman from seinfeld, in a t-shirt, bermuda shorts, and flip flops.

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by KayStarr2016, Dec 07, 2016
So happy I have found this post. I thought I was alone. I recently left my job in another state and moved in with my mom to help her out; shes 74 with diabetes. My fiance also moved and found a place nearby. We have two small dogs.
Since Ive been here, all she can do is complain that I spend time with him? I am helping out with shopping etc. but thats not enough. Its as if she wants me to be alone and completely devoted to her every whim without a life. My father was a deadbeat and shes only dated deadbeats. Im tired of arguing and trying to assert myself as an adult. I plan on moving out asap and helping from a nearby distance. I'm a messianic Jew and need my own place anyway because we argue over keeping Shabbat and Kosher (shes Christian) anyway, thanks for the post.

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by juanita123, Feb 10, 2017
I'm 52 and an only child. My Mother was never supportive and always chose other people over spending time with me. She was lazy or maybe had low self esteem but never attended a ball game or much of anything else I was in. She's been in a bad marriage for forty years and her and the step dad used to like to put me down and make me cry. I live close but don't visit much. I call her every morning but it's never enough. She's also very jealous of the time I spend with other family members and lets it be known that she wishes she had a daughter. Hell, I do too. I wish she had another so she could treat them like crap and leave me alone! In the last several years, if she talks down to me or is rude, I don't call her. If I do, I keep it short and civil. I don't want any regrets but I just don't have to put up with the abuse anymore. The sad part is that I know I would have been a normal person if she wasn't my mother. She changed me forever.

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by Coloz, Mar 02, 2017
All you people are pretty good people and I'm certain of that. I know this because you are all hurt. That pain led you here. As it did me. You, we , care and its that care that makes us ok and sadly it's that care that causes our pain. If we didn't care at all we wouldn't hurt. Well 3 years ago I got critically ill and very nearly died. I was simply unlucky and got sick as a result of aspirating a nasty bacteria. I'l spare the details. Prior to getting sick I was a golden boy. Good looks good at school, sport ETC. I started texting and calling my mother and my urgency increased as I got sicker. She abandoned me. I got one text back from her. It read, at work( busy!!!!!! ******* *****!!!!!! I was dying and was on my own and get, at work, busy. At first I found this all confusing. Then saddening and so so hurtful. And now I feel anger as it didn't end their. My recovery was long and after 12/18 months my savings had been exhausted. I'd always worked very hard and had never asked anyone for a cent. My mother had a reasonable job and owned her car and house. A couple of times she was short of money due to overspending and I offered to lend her money as it seemed normal to me . She is my mum right. My family..... Anyway my beautiful grandmother had sadly passed away a couple of years earlier and for some reason her will or her estate hadn't been distributed between my mothe and her two brothers. As I started to fall behind on my bills and my mortgage my mothers share came through. 380 000.00 tax free dollars. And she hated my nana... God knows why... I asked her if I could borrow 20 grand. Her rely was as follows.. Ready....."I'm not a ******* bank, **** off" ... At that moment I knew I'd never love my mother again. Truth be told if I could brake her neck and be guaranteed of not getting in trouble for it I would. I would snap her neck and then have a celebration! I am now on verge of losing my home of nearly twenty years and it's 6 months since that exchange took place. I've been getting food hampers from a local church and have bottomed out that badly financially it's unlikely I'll be able to keep my house. What a *****. I've thought a lot about it and at end of the day I came to this conclusion. I am a root. We all are. When our parents made us they didn't hop into bed and stare lovingly into each other's eyes and say , let's make johny, or let's make Tom. They were, or one of them atleast was horny and they had sex. 9 months later, we popped out. Simple fact! Face it as I have my hurt wounded caring fellow humans. I was going to write freinds but after what I've written you may not see me as a freind. But if you were nice and met me, you'd probably have no problem with me calling myself a freind. Anyway that's my reality. And sadly in essence, it's also yours. I don't need some psych or some councillor talking crap to me . I know the truth. The truth is the facts. And as much as it may hurt it is true that only the truth can set you free. I wish you all well and hope you all find he strength to accept the truth.

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by cchiazzese, Mar 22, 2017
What a heartbreaking site this is, but do I ever understand I have 3 siblings and a 91 yr old mother that's spiteful, rude, and gossips about everybody to each other. The funny thing it's I have 1 sibling that still calls her from another state and the other 2 siblings live in the same state as my mother and myself but have cut all ties with everyone, why I don't honestly know but I could guess. I have 2 amazing kids, 5 grandkids and a wonderful hubby however my health is failing and I can't care for her by the way she is still sharp as a tack and lives alone which she's done all my life. A simple phone call to her leaves me in  worse pain and bedridden for days and at times I  get frustrated and snap at her then I feel guilty due to her age but I'm honestly convinced she's going to outlive me that she's so onery God don't know how to deal with her and the devil don't want her.   This stress of being her only caretaker and the guilt of avoiding her until necessary is killing what little hope I have of beating my illness and enjoying my life I having been helping her for going on 20 years and it's literally killing me. And I don't want my kids thinking less of me as she's good at turning on her charm with them and making me to look like the bad person always.  She just told my cousin today she hadn't heard from me in while and I just popped in on her 4 days ago to see if she needed any groceries.  Now he thinks ill of me for not checking on her. And is turning those family members that I cared about against me. I've actually considered suicide due to her control over my life.  

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by manicann, Apr 13, 2017
I read through many of these posts and wondered if I had been a bad mother for the times that I may have "lost my temper" with my kids.  Cursed at them, slammed a door, or broke a dish.  Often as young mothers we have the same life frustrations as everyone but lack any amount of privacy in our families to process these issues because other pressing demands call for our attention.  What I see lacking here is any amount of love, understanding, kindness or compassion for your Mother's circumstances.  No one lives in intimate relationships without issues arising that are a natural part of the human experience.  If you all could begin to view your Mom's as people with the same human frailties you find compassion for in all others, your pain would subside greatly.  There are no perfect relationships.  Struggles exist everywhere and are a part of life.  Whatever sanitized version of family life you were expecting to be raised with is a fairytale.  Compassion is the key to healing your expectations, because you too will fall short.  
I used to have this problem with my mother and now my kids have it with me.  I was a good mother to them even though there were difficulties I faced in life.  You are all evidence of this cycle too.  It is the final step you must take to become responsible for your own being.  Once I recognized that my folks did the best they could, I began to treat them with respect.  They have struggled their way through life to achieve an old age and they deserve to have it be a happy old age.  I treat them with kindness.  They had difficult childhood years too.  I can't be a better parent for them, but I can be a better child.  Remove your unrealistic expectations and disappointment and you will see your situation improve.  

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by Rosey999, Oct 13, 2017
You all should read "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents".   I found this book extremely enlightening and helped me identify what is wrong with my mother.  Unfortunately, it unleashed a lifetime of clarification for unexplained and questionable attitudes, expressions and incidents throughout my childhood and adulthood from my mother.  My mother is a master manipulator and used my father (god bless rest his soul) to create conflict and hatred in our family among my siblings and our parents.  
My younger brother identified all of this first and over the last year, that I have become my mother's caregiver, I have come to understand more about her and sick mind.  All she cares about is herself and getting her own way at the expense of others.  She has basically alienated her other children in pursuit of her support and frankly I cannot do any more except to distance myself from her.  I have tried to love her unconditionally, but I can no longer emotional stand the hurt that she has imposed on me and my husband.  She goes as low as verbally abusing us, to make herself look good to other.  Thank goodness at her age, those others are few.  Someone once said to me that my mother's gift to me was to not behave like that with my own daughter and I have tried to do that.  My daughter and I have a wonderful, loving relationship.

I need to share my story with you as this helps me heal.  I suggest that you all also share your stories and find solace in  distancing yourself from your unloving parent.  It is a total relief.  My husband and one brother support this and I can only hope that God takes my mother from this earth soon.  What happens when people age is, all of those nasty and hidden things about them, all get exploited ten times greater.  So if your parent is nasty when you are young, it get much worse when they are elderly and also you are dealing with dementia.  Light a green candle and ask the universe to end this drama for you swiftly and without regret.  You deserve it!

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by justagirl11, Nov 25, 2017
OMG, guys like you I thought I was alone. I mean I suspected that there are other toxic mothers out there, but I never heard so many stories so close to mine. I'm 33, and I moved on long time ago, both physically and psychologically: I left home when I was 18 and haven't lived with her since then and a few years ago I decided to leave the past behind and be happy. And I am. But it still chases me of course and I have some psychological issues back from childhood still. They affect my adult life. I have difficulties talking to people or expressing my opinion because my mother always told me that I was stupid and that everything I said was nonsense and that my tongue was rotten and my father used to say that I couldn't have my own opinion and that I should be silent. And it's only the top of the iceberg. Both my parents were abusive. My mother was so toxic (she still is but luckily I'm not around anymore) and poisonous that she made a monster out of my father and made us to be afraid of him. And I was afraid of him and he was pretty scary and mean, but he hit me only couple times. Other times he just lectured me a lot or ordered me to go to sleep in the middle of the day. I still can't sleep in a daytime. He hit me only twice and apologized. Sometimes he showed a glimpse of normality, but it didn't last long. My mother, on the other hand, beat me every day. Severely. She took pleasure from it. She was enjoying it a lot. My parents were very poor and their life sucked, so I guess my mother used me as some kind of relaxation. She never touched my brother though. He was her favorite child. She never name called him either. She called me different words multiple times a day. Those were some very nasty words. I can't even repeat some of those. She also kept repeating I was ugly and that all kids cried normally and I was doing it in a disgusting way. So I stopped crying and couldn't squeeze a tear out of my eyes for many years, although every day she tried to make me cry. She blamed me for being born two weeks earlier than I should have and being born in general. She always repeated that I was jealous because she loved my brother more. I didn't want her love - I just wanted her to leave me alone and stop beating me. Yes, I was jealous because she didn't beat him! Oh yeah, and she taught him to beat me too. So I got beatings from both of them on a daily basis. And she also always said that I should be close with my brother because he would be my only relative in the future, while doing everything for us to remain distant for the rest of our lives. I'm not close with my brother, but I've forgiven him because he was just a child. He still lives with her btw. He's almost 30 and I guess he'll never get married. I don't even know who's more screwed, me or him. Anyway, I'm sharing this for the first time publicly. My husband knows and once I talked to a shrink. That was it. I'm afraid to have children because of vicious circle of abuse. But I decided to try in the future because you guys gave me so much hope. I want to be a good loving supporting mother. And I also decided if I ever hurt my child I'm gonna turn myself in. If I only knew that I had rights when I was a child... Anyway, in general I'm okay. I call her once a month or in two months. I haven't visited her for three years. And I don't tell her about my life. She never met my husband. I'll never leave her alone with my kids if I ever have any. I guess I'm still broken because despite living in a happy mode I experience the consequences of my upbringing every day. Still. It sucks. Past must remain in the past, and I should forget about it and never come back to this page, but anyway I'm glad I spilled this out.

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by RavenStarwynd, Nov 29, 2017
I have just come across your post as my mother behaves like this continually I have just returned home after spending five weeks nursing her, she has copd and very bad osteoporosis which led to her breaking a rib ending up in Hospital and then coming home and having a copd flare up and having to return to the hospital where she checked herself out, resulting in me having to go stay with her as my sisters are working.  I have to say reading this is like looking in a mirror I have never had a good relationship with my mother she sent me to boarding school all throughout my life whilst keeping my sisters at home with her, I always got that you are just like your father routine and he was no good either, they actually divorced when I was seven. Thanks you for posting this as it has actually made me realise it is not me it is her and I finally understand that now and nothing I do will ever change her, I am bipolar and my mother knows this so she can be very derogatory about my mental health which really bugs me as I religiously take my meds and haven’t had an episode In over 15 years but she had me doubting myself this week. I will never understand why she is so vile and also like you wonder why she actually had me as she continually refers to me as she and her. It’s nice to know I am not alone in this and there are others who have gone through the same sort of thing as I was really beginning to think it was just me. I have decided from reading these posts that I won’t be going back to look after her again and will sort some professional carers out for her because at the end of the day it’s just abuse I am getting from her and I am no longer prepared to put up with it. Your post has helped me more than you realise so From the bottom of my heart thank you.

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by Marribel, May 12, 2020
My marriage to my husband was sweet and fun, he will call and text me at all time even when he is at work, it turned sour the moment he started seeing another girl at his work play. he will come home late and still charge me to be quiet. we already had Alvin who is 3years old. On the last vacation, he left me and our son at home and went on vacation with the mistress. this was getting out of hand then I started searching for help online then I came across Doctor Aadoo and Email him on ( ***@**** ). i requested a reuniting love spell from the spell caster and my husband came back home exactly the hour the spell caster told me and he was remorseful for the heartache he has made me gone through    

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by Sunny11228, Jan 09, 2022
Wow, this chain goes on for years! I knew my mom was abusive both verbally and physically to her children. I left her and went to go stay with my dad when I turned 13. Unable to get the guidance and support that I needed I ran away. When I did have children my mom was critical, so I kept my distance. She lived far enough away and I didn't see her very often. I began to realize her behavior was still very toxic pitting one child against another. I had no idea half the time who was saying what and who to trust. I always tried to keep her in my life and let my children know her from afar. When my son was about 7 we took a trip to go see her and she slapped him in the face. Her husband said it is not your kids. When you're not here, who do you think she yells at? I understood it was not us but it still hurt. When my son was a teenager he told me my whole family spoke ill of me and even my own mom. At the time I thought he was just being a mean teenager upset because he couldn't get his way. I realize now that my brother was polluting his mind as well as my mother. My mom needed surgery and none of my other siblings went to help her, so I did. I learned so much while I was there and some prior to me going. I learned that she hates all her children and seemingly has a love/hate relationship with everyone. She's nice to your face the majority of the time but talks behind our backs. She believes things that are not true and tells people what she believes is true. She wishes us all dead at times. She was diagnosed with dementia a few years before I went to help her, but she has had issues her whole life. Her mom was a schizophrenic and an alcoholic. But when I was a child, I was only told she was a bad alcoholic. I saw her yelling at me in another room.. except I was not there. She rants usual hate stuff nearly every day if she believes nobody is around. I have come back from a walk and sat on the porch and listened to her say mean hateful things about me to someone else (nobody was there and she was not on the phone). One day I was sitting there and she was repeating a story about her mom over and over again. How she hated her mom who used to curse out her father. And it clicked in my head... She's just like her mother.. only instead of her cursing her husband it was the kids.. but god knows what her husband tolerated before he passed away. People just assume that's how she is. She's never had mental health help and she's able to not show that side of herself in public (I guess fear of being put away like her mom). In the past when she was depressed and I questioned her, she was always defensive and yelling. There's no help out there for her as she was able to hide these abnormalities her whole life. She is the same age as her mom was when her mom passed away. I don't know how much longer she can go on living as she doesn't take good care of herself. People including her friends in the past said she can't live by herself. But nobody can live with her either. it's a sentence for abuse. I got her to the point where she's physically stronger and has home aids now. But I fee like I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. After taking a leave from work and spending months with her she called me up one day and called me a *****(I know she told people this about me in the past) but she's never said it to me until this day. It cut like a knife and I cried like a baby. The next day she called me up and apologized to me. Yet she continues to tell everyone she can about her kids. Each one of us is a horrible child. She will never change. The saddest part of the whole story is over the past ten years my brother started acting the same way and that is why my son said what he did. He and my mom would talk about me in front of him. My son became disrespectful and I had to put him out as a young adult. He has not talked to anyone in my family since. Perhaps he's better off away from everyone. Although I can't change the past and the realization came to me too late in life. I will never ask my daughter to go visit with her again. This will never change, and her toxic behavior will never be understood by children and they do not deserve this. I did what I could for her but I know her next step is a nursing home. I did what I could to give her what she wanted.. to live in her own home until she passes. Sometimes it takes years to figure out what people have hidden for years from the world. I have discussed what I could do with my other sibling and my other child. Other people have since told me they hear her yelling as they approach the house and nobody is there and she's not on the phone. My sibling has also witnessed the hallucinations. And sadly I realize that her abuse and accusations of other people telling her things about me as a child was only delusions. I do not know what my father really knew about her before his death. He only told me when I was young that she had a nervous breakdown and held a knife to my chin at the age of 3. He tried to get custody but back then it was unheard of for a father to get custody. My mom needs medication and supervision of meals.Left to her own, she will eat only junk food. That's only part of the problem, and her ability to hide this nasty abusive side to her is amazing. My children are grown and I have grandchildren and I love them and focus on them. I balance my life and get her some help in the home. It's a one-way relationship as she will never be grateful and loving. But when I went to her and saw how bad she really was, I could not allow her to stay there by herself. I am hoping she one day she'll be grateful.. but I will settle for her being polite to the ladies that come help her.

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