Aug 27, 2014
I am here to tell you life is fantastic. Not in the sense that everything is going perfect, because that couldn't
be further from the truth, but just that I feel ok regardless of what type of stress comes my way. I have reflected on this so many times in the past week...about how good it feels to be comfortable, and about how thankful I am to live in these moments. That's it...just all natural comfort. Comfort used to come in the form of a powerful drug, but now it's just a normal thing I feel daily just because. It's a very carefree feeling, and that's the only way I can describe it. I don't have that overwhelming stress due to my addiction. Just sitting with a friend, walking with a friend, talking to my daughter, or even doing run of the mill things, it's all good and there's nothing pressing on me. There isn't that ever present anxiety or dark feeling of wanting to escape the moment. I am in it, I am comfortable in it, and I am genuinely happy. I think this is possible for everyone and anyone stuck on these drugs, but you certainly have to get through the very tough parts first, which happens bit by bit, and not all at once. It's a process, but one that's so worth it.
As an update, I will just let everyone know I am currently taking classes for the Fall semester. I am involved in a lot of social activity at my gym, with my daughter, and with dancing. Dancing has been what might be called a God send for me. It gave me something to smile about, something to focus on and to be passionate about. I sort of thrust myself into somewhat uncomfortable social situations, and I am convinced I am better for having done it. I think it's given me a set of skills that impart confidence. I think everyone going through this should find some activity that will not allow them to isolate as much and just use it to eat up the time between sick and well.
Getting well is a process, and the drug seems to only release you bit by bit...little by little. There isn't much of a quick fix, but doing all you can to make it easier and not sabotaging yourself is very important. I have said it before, and I will reiterate it now...DO NOT OVER STIMULATE! This includes caffeine, junk food, processed foods. Steer clear of energy drinks and just about anything that will make your insomnia, anxiety, and RLS worse. We cannot do the same things we did on high doses of depressive drugs. You will not be the same person for a while, but in time, you will be even better. It does take time, but believe me, that time flies when you stay on tasks and just eat it up day by day.
I just turned 37 and I feel better than I have in all my life. I know some will say I am high on recovery or whatever lol, but honestly, I just feel at ease and at peace for the most part other than daily bumps that are typical in life. I have the coping mechanisms to handle it now.
Exercise, eat right, be social, don't drink or do drugs, don't eat bad things...do what you know is right and good for you and in time you will heal.
Thanks and all my love to my medhelp friends. No time to proof read :)