Sep 04, 2009
So I haven't had occasion to visit the site in some time. I've got so much going on and I've been so busy with work that it never crosses my mind to come and see what's going on with everybody else. I got an email today about updating my MS tracker, so I came over to the site and figured "what the heck, I'm here, I might as well log a journal entry" and here I am.
So I started having new symptoms about 2 and a half weeks ago and decided to go in to see my neurologist's PA just to be on the safe side. Well, we have the appointment, we do a couple of simple neuro exam things and she says "lets get you an MRI of your brain and c-spine" and I said OK. I go in for the MRI and the order is written for the T and C spine, not the C spine and the brain. I'm pissed because of the huge deal it is for me to get in to do an MRI and so I do the C spine and then leave, telling them that "I'll be back". So the neurologist calls me on 9/3 at 6:05 PM and tells me that there are new lesions in the c-spine mri and an old lesion is enhancing with the gadolinium and so it's doing bad things to me at the same time. He says to continue with the brain MRI and then we'll get together and have a conversation about treatment. He wants me to get off Avonex, which I've been on for just about 5 months, and switch to Tysabri and I said "I'm not comfortable with that" and he said, well, let's talk about it.
So, here we go again... more inconsistency, more unnerving lack of clarity of my disease progression, more pain, more treatments, more more more. I've been quietly fighting depression for a few months now and I'm putting off talking about it to anyone because of a variety of reasons, cost and time being the two primary ones. I just don't know what to do anymore and I'm just fed up. I'm afraid I'm going to just stop caring soon (not that I would ever do anything to hurt myself, but just stop fighting, you know?) and I 'm just tired.
Maybe I'll get all my ducks in a row and finally break down and get help, but I really don't want any more on my plate right now...
Other than that, everything is peachy. We're expecting another baby in April of 2010, which I'm excited about. I love my kids and couldn't see living life without every one of them. They all show me how precious life is in different ways every day and I thank God for that. Sometimes, it's just nice to get an excited hug from someone who loves you and missed you so much that they just jump at you the second they see you. That's fun.
I'm going in for a brain MRI, and then a run of SoluMedrol again and then a follow up appointment with the neurologist to put all the puzzle pieces together and figure out what to do. Wish me luck :)