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small rant.

Sep 04, 2014 - 11 comments

I can't go back to my old study habits, but at the same time I cant stay with my current study habits. I need to do more work, and change, but if I do im afraid ill work to hard. I cant find a balance, I just cant. I try, I mean its all worked out in my head, but it isn't followed by actions. I cant even have naps, because once I have a "nap" an hour goes by before I actually feel a little more capable of getting up. I'm really sick of being tired. I just want to sleep for a week, and ill probably be good. But I cant do that. because I have damn school. Do I even deserve it? i also cant sleep for two or tree days over the holidays because i have to do work. Dammit, there is so much going wrong in my head with school and everything. Yeah i know, a lot of people think im complaining about nothing...
To be completely honest, i hate it how people complain they are tired constantly, and they are strictly told to go to bed and sleep for a good 8 or 9  hours... and here i am getting a max of 6 hours every night, sometimes even 3 hours a night, and i don't complain. Until today of course. I don't go around saying "im so tired" every five minutes.
I sound like i am throwing myself a pity party here... I don't mean to, but its a fair point im making.

Just let me sleep, and have no homework t worry about, have nothing to awake me from my beautiful relaxing dreams.
I don't know if i see this getting better at all to be completely honest. I. just. cant. do. it.  
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


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3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Sep 10, 2014
So are you saying you can't do it alone? Cuz that's what you've been.. alone. With all the stress of flunking out. That must be a terrible feeling and I feel so bad for you. There are so many caring people that could help you become a self starter. It's not a big deal . Pay me now or pay me later. If you don''t get help now, it will all get worse, as it's been going. I don't understand you are so resistant to asking for help before you flunk out or go mad with stress and worry over it?

I feel really bad for you. You've stated that you are a C and D student now. So your mom has seen your report card obviously and still you've said nothing of how she is trying to help you and giving you input as to how you can turn this thing around most easily.  and I feel bad for you mom. You've said that she is overweight and cannot look after her self (earlier) so hows she supposed to help you? and you're right. If your mother is a poor self starter (as far as her physical health) and is already lazy in her approach to healthy change, and you are following in her footsteps of being in denial about how important it is to be healthy and have healthy habits, like sleeping properly.or eating properly to have a healthy body mass index then you must be pretty scared. I feel so bad for you. You've said that you reject help from your mom and grama ,but i'm thinking that they may not be giving any advice to you at all. I got none from my mom, and dad. If that's where you're at, it's got to be pretty  lonely.



3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Sep 10, 2014
I  also know teenagers, and how stubborn they can be with parents that they are holding a grudge against for whatever reason. YOU NEED HELP. YOU CAN"T DO THIS PROPERLY ON YOUR OWN. I hear you giving yourself your pep talks, but beneath that I see a steady rate of failure that is happening in your grades  Like an alcoholic needs an addiction's therapist, you need a life coach. DESPERATELY.  I feel so ad for you that your mother has not caught on, because you've kept it from her, or maybe it is not her forte to be minndful.and is also in denial. I don't know. It sounds pretty dire, your marks are bad. We've talked about how kids like you that aren't able to get help from a life coach, many times end up with addictions problems, or low self esteem and get picked on and picked up by men who are abusive and not helpful and loving. I'm so worried about you Marcy. And all i can do is pray that you one day wake up out of this denial you're in that you can do this thing alone.

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Sep 10, 2014
Its just i want to do it alone Liz. And i know im not doing anything to help myself alone at the moment, but i know i can. She keeps me from going out alot now because i have to get this homework things sorted out. I understand where she is coming from, but she doesn't have to get rid of my life outside of school, to deal wtih something that will not be resolved in only a few days... as she thinks.
She just doesnt care about her weight... maybe for her it isnt a problem. But its something that bothers me because she is missing out on so much by being so heavy. We could be going out riding bikes, or going out for walks, or playing games outside... but nooooo she is always too heavy to do that. I am sick of trying to tell her that she needs to do something about it. She has to realise it herself now.
What else is there for people to do Liz? Its ME who has to change, and i know that, i just dont know why its not working... But i am going to keep trying until i get there.

I went to the parent/teacher interviews with mum, and all the teachers said all the same things that they say every year. "you have to get organised" "its going to be harder next year" "you are capable, and a bright kid, so why do you doubt yourself?" "you need to learn to not stress so much"... all these things. I know what i have to do, i am just finding it very hard to do it.

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Sep 10, 2014
what's worth spending your time on, and what's just a distraction.?

so, i searched How to find balance in life? and read a few articles and the above sentence really resonated. Yeah, there's no time to waste, right? So you have problems setting finding balance, There's help for that. 10 seconds to search, a few minutes to read and consider whether it is something that can help you, and immediately start to use the coping tool. JUST DO IT!  http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/time-management-mistakes.htm


10 Common Time Management Mistakes

Avoiding Common Pitfalls


Learn how to overcome several common
time management mistakes.
How well do you manage your time?

If you're like many people, your answer may not be completely positive!

Perhaps you feel overloaded, and you often have to work late to hit your deadlines.

Or maybe your days seem to go from one crisis to another, and this is stressful and demoralizing.

Many of us know that we could be managing our time more effectively; but it can be difficult to identify the mistakes that we're making, and to know how we could improve.

When we do manage our time well, however, we're exceptionally productive at work, and our stress levels drop. We can devote time to the interesting, high-reward projects that can make a real difference to a career. In short, we're happier!

In this article, we're looking at ten of the most common time management mistakes, as well as identifying strategies and tips that you can use to overcome them. These ten mistakes are:

Mistake #1. Failing to Keep a To-Do List

Do you ever have that nagging feeling that you've forgotten to do an important piece of work? If so, you probably don't use a To-Do List to keep on top of things. (Or, if you do, you might not be using it effectively!)

The trick with using To-Do Lists   effectively lies in prioritizing the tasks on your list. Many people use an A – F coding system (A for high priority items, F for very low priorities). Alternatively, you can simplify this by using A through D, or by using numbers.

If you have large projects on your list, then, unless you're careful, the entries for these can be vague and ineffective. For instance, you may have written down 'Start on budget proposal.' But what does this entail? The lack of specifics here might cause you to procrastinate, or miss key steps. So make sure that you break large tasks or projects down into specific, actionable steps – then you won't overlook something important.

You can also use Action Programs   to manage your work when you have many large projects happening at once. (Action Programs are 'industrial strength' versions of To-Do Lists.)

Mistake #2. Not Setting Personal Goals

Do you know where you'd like to be in six months? What about this time next year, or even 10 years from now? If not, it's time to set some personal goals!

Personal goal setting   is essential to managing your time well, because goals give you a destination and vision to work toward. When you know where you want to go, you can manage your priorities, time, and resources to get there. Goals also help you decide what's worth spending your time on, and what's just a distraction.

To learn how to set SMART, effective goals, read up on Locke's Goal Setting Theory  . Here, you'll learn how to set clearly defined goals that will keep you motivated.

You might also enjoy our Book Insight into Long Fuse, Big Bang by Eric Haseltine. This book teaches you how to focus on your long-term goals without overlooking your short term priorities.

Mistake #3. Not Prioritizing

Your assistant has just walked in with a crisis that she needs you to deal with right now, but you're in the middle of brainstorming ideas for a new client. You're sure that you've almost come up with a brilliant idea for their marketing campaign, but now you risk losing the thread of your thinking because of this 'emergency.'

Sometimes, it's hard to know how to prioritize  , especially when you're facing a flood of seemingly-urgent tasks. However, it's essential to learn how to prioritize tasks effectively if you want to manage your time better.

One tool that will help you prioritize effectively is the Action Priority Matrix   , which will help you determine if a task is high-yield and high-priority, or low-value, 'fill in' work. You'll manage your time much better during the day if you know the difference.

You might also want to go through our Bite-Sized Training session How to Prioritize, to further enhance your skills.

Mistake #4. Failing to Manage Distractions

Do you know that some of us can lose as much as two hours a day to distractions? Think how much you could get done if you had that time back!

Whether they come from emails, IM chats, colleagues in a crisis, or phone calls from clients, distractions prevent us from achieving flow  , which is the satisfying and seemingly effortless work that we do when we're 100 percent engaged in a task.

If you want to gain control of your day and do your best work, it's vital to know how to minimize distractions   and manage interruptions   effectively. For instance, turn off your IM chat when you need to focus, and let people know if they're distracting you too often. You should also learn how to improve your concentration  , even when you're faced with distractions.

Additionally, our article on managing email effectively   teaches you how to gain control of your email, so that it doesn't eat up your entire day.

Mistake #5. Procrastination

Procrastination occurs when you put off tasks that you should be focusing on right now. When you procrastinate, you feel guilty that you haven't started; you come to dread doing the task; and, eventually, everything catches up with you when you fail to complete the work on time.

Start by taking our procrastination quiz   to find out if procrastination is a problem in your life. If it is, then learn the strategies you need to beat procrastination  .

For instance, one useful strategy is to tell yourself that you're only going to start on a project for ten minutes. Often, procrastinators feel that they have to complete a task from start to finish, and this high expectation makes them feel overwhelmed and anxious. Instead, focus on devoting a small amount of time to starting. That's all!

You might also find it helpful to use Action Plans  . These help you break large projects down into manageable steps, so that it's easy to see everything that you need to get done, and so that you can complete small chunks at a time. Doing this can stop you from feeling overwhelmed at the start of a new project.

Tip:

Our Bite-Sized Training session, Overcoming Procrastination, gives you more in-depth strategies and tips for dealing with procrastination.
Mistake #6. Taking on too Much

Are you a person who has a hard time saying 'no' to people? If so, you probably have far too many projects and commitments on your plate. This can lead to poor performance, stress, and low morale.

Or, you might be a micromanager  : someone who insists on controlling or doing all of the work themselves, because they can't trust anyone else to do it correctly. (This can be a problem for everyone – not just managers!)

Either way, taking on too much is a poor use of your time, and it can get you a reputation for producing rushed, sloppy work.

To stop this, learn the subtle art of saying 'yes' to the person, but 'no' to the task  . This skill helps you assert yourself, while still maintaining good feelings within the group. If the other person starts leaning on you to say 'yes' to their request, learn how to think on your feet  , and stay cool under pressure.

Mistake #7. Thriving on 'Busy'

Some people get a rush from being busy. The narrowly-met deadlines, the endless emails, the piles of files needing attention on the desk, the frantic race to the meeting... What an adrenaline buzz!

The problem is that an 'addiction to busyness' rarely means that you're effective, and it can lead to stress.

Instead, try to slow down, and learn to manage your time better.

Tip:

'Do More Great Work', by Michael Bungay Stanier, is full of ideas and tips to reduce the 'busywork' that you're doing, so that you're more excited and engaged in the work that matters. Click here for our Book Insight on it.
Mistake #8. Multitasking

To get on top of her workload, Linda regularly writes emails while she chats on the phone to her clients. However, while Linda thinks that this is a good use of her time, the truth is that it can take 20-40 percent more time to finish a list of jobs when you multitask, compared with completing the same list of tasks in sequence. The result is also that she does both tasks poorly – her emails are full of errors, and her clients are frustrated by her lack of concentration.

So, the best thing is to forget about multitasking  , and, instead, focus on one task at a time. That way, you'll produce higher quality work.

Our Expert Interview with Dave Crenshaw, looking at The Myth of Multitasking, will give you an enlightening look at multitasking, and will help you explore how you can manage simultaneous projects more effectively.

Mistake #9. Not Taking Breaks

It's nice to think that you can work for 8-10 hours straight, especially when you're working to a deadline. But it's impossible for anyone to focus and produce really high-quality work without giving their brains some time to rest and recharge.

So, don't dismiss breaks as 'wasting time.' They provide valuable down-time, which will enable you to think creatively and work effectively.

If it's hard for you to stop working, then schedule breaks for yourself, or set an alarm as a reminder. Go for a quick walk, grab a cup of coffee, or just sit and meditate   at your desk. Try to take a five minute break every hour or two. And make sure that you give yourself ample time for lunch – you won't produce top quality work if you're hungry!

Mistake #10. Ineffectively Scheduling Tasks

Are you a morning person? Or do you find your energy picking up once the sun begins to set in the evening? All of us have different rhythms, that is, different times of day when we feel most productive and energetic.

You can make best use of your time by scheduling high-value work during your peak time, and low-energy work (like returning phone calls and checking email), during your 'down' time. Our article, Is This a Morning Task?   will teach you how to do this.

Key Points
One of the most effective ways of improving your productivity is to recognize and rectify time management mistakes.
When you take the time to overcome these mistakes, it will make a huge difference in your productivity – and you'll also be happier, and experience less stress!
Tip:

To continue improving your time management skills, take our Time Management Quiz  , which will help you identify where your strengths and weaknesses lie. You can also take our Bite-Sized Training session, the Time Management Audit, to hone your skills to the next level.
This site teaches you the skills you need for a happy and successful career; and this is just one of many tools and resources that you'll find here at Mind Tools. Cli

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Sep 10, 2014
Thank you Liz, you are so kind for spending your time helping me. It really does mean alot. I will get there, and this time i will not let myself fail.

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Sep 14, 2014
Honey, you are not failing,as Hollus said, you are getting to bed to get up for school, you are getting up, getting ready and doing your best everyday. That's not failing. You may need a tutor to help you is all. You may need to talk to somebody about your personal life and how you feel about certain things , like your mother and dad's failed marriage, or your relationships with your parents. There such a huge amount of work that you're expected to do and when you have a few things bothering you subconsciously, then your timing is off. It doesn't take alot to mess up a person's balance, and it's difficult to ask for help, sometimes hard to get it even if you do ask (such as with your guidance teacher). Personally i think your guidance counselor could have done more actual work with you, but i wasn't there, and i don't know how much you are able to open up with her. And of course, i don't know the particulars of your day, whether you are flaking off or not when you should be serious. I hope not, you say you aren't and I hope you aren't . Listen, what you need to get into college, is your grade 12. There's more than one way to get your grade 12. You could work from home for instance. Home school yourself. Maybe that's an option that you haven't thought about. I'm not suggesting that it would be right for you, i'm just thinking that it might shed some light that there's more than one way to skin a cat. We have a site here called the Independent Learning Centre where you can take any and all courses online. Perhaps you might think of taking one term on line, and see how it goes. It might get you well rested, and caught up. so that you can go back in the following term with new tools and resolve.

You need to make a reasonable schedule Marcy. Getting up on time, Going to bed on  time, doing your work at a reasonable hour, like from 5=8 and know that if you do that, you are doing your best. Let the chips fall where they may. Not everyone is going to be an A student. That's the facts. You may well be an average student or slightly below because you aren't as focused as you could be, THAT"S OKAY MARCY. Being average is okay. Life is short Marcy, and you're supposed to be enjoying your life, It's not suppose to cause you so much suffering. I know one thing from experience and that is that you need to stop and erase the bad thinking. When it starts, stop it in it's tracks and switch on to something more worthwhile. You say that you are so afraid of being considered average or below. If that's the God's honest truth, then pick up a book for the mere joy of learning on your own. Pick up on the different religions in this world. Don't be someone that can only be led around by the nose. Work on your own intelligence so that you are not considered to be below average in intelligence by men that would consider asking you out. Follow the news, if you're not already doing so, (i don't mean everyday, as that is stressful in itself) but know what's going on in the world so you're not considered less than average in intelligence when subjects come up with strangers or colleagues (what your friends will become in short order after high school and college).

Kiddo, you're going to have to learn to accept your limitations. There's no use in you losing your life right now, worrying about what you can't control and that is whatever you have tried to the best of your ability, and that you still cannot do.

There are general and advanced courses in every high school here in Canada. For those that are consistently getting lower grades in the advanced classes, they are given the advice to take general level courses. Are you in advanced courses now? Maybe you should be in general level courses. You can still go to college, for many types of good jobs.

What do you think about asking for general level courses?

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Sep 14, 2014
Honey, you are not failing,as Hollus said, you are getting to bed to get up for school, you are getting up, getting ready and doing your best everyday. That's not failing. You may need a tutor to help you is all. You may need to talk to somebody about your personal life and how you feel about certain things , like your mother and dad's failed marriage, or your relationships with your parents. There such a huge amount of work that you're expected to do and when you have a few things bothering you subconsciously, then your timing is off. It doesn't take alot to mess up a person's balance, and it's difficult to ask for help, sometimes hard to get it even if you do ask (such as with your guidance teacher). Personally i think your guidance counselor could have done more actual work with you, but i wasn't there, and i don't know how much you are able to open up with her. And of course, i don't know the particulars of your day, whether you are flaking off or not when you should be serious. I hope not, you say you aren't and I hope you aren't . Listen, what you need to get into college, is your grade 12. There's more than one way to get your grade 12. You could work from home for instance. Home school yourself. Maybe that's an option that you haven't thought about. I'm not suggesting that it would be right for you, i'm just thinking that it might shed some light that there's more than one way to skin a cat. We have a site here called the Independent Learning Centre where you can take any and all courses online. Perhaps you might think of taking one term on line, and see how it goes. It might get you well rested, and caught up. so that you can go back in the following term with new tools and resolve.

You need to make a reasonable schedule Marcy. Getting up on time, Going to bed on  time, doing your work at a reasonable hour, like from 5=8 and know that if you do that, you are doing your best. Let the chips fall where they may. Not everyone is going to be an A student. That's the facts. You may well be an average student or slightly below because you aren't as focused as you could be, THAT"S OKAY MARCY. Being average is okay. Life is short Marcy, and you're supposed to be enjoying your life, It's not suppose to cause you so much suffering. I know one thing from experience and that is that you need to stop and erase the bad thinking. When it starts, stop it in it's tracks and switch on to something more worthwhile. You say that you are so afraid of being considered average or below. If that's the God's honest truth, then pick up a book for the mere joy of learning on your own. Pick up on the different religions in this world. Don't be someone that can only be led around by the nose. Work on your own intelligence so that you are not considered to be below average in intelligence by men that would consider asking you out. Follow the news, if you're not already doing so, (i don't mean everyday, as that is stressful in itself) but know what's going on in the world so you're not considered less than average in intelligence when subjects come up with strangers or colleagues (what your friends will become in short order after high school and college).

Kiddo, you're going to have to learn to accept your limitations. There's no use in you losing your life right now, worrying about what you can't control and that is whatever you have tried to the best of your ability, and that you still cannot do.

There are general and advanced courses in every high school here in Canada. For those that are consistently getting lower grades in the advanced classes, they are given the advice to take general level courses. Are you in advanced courses now? Maybe you should be in general level courses. You can still go to college, for many types of good jobs.

What do you think about asking for general level courses?

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Sep 14, 2014
And of course, if I was your mother, i would insist on you getting into swimming and yoga at least every second day. It would do so much to help you to relax, and live in the moment, not always consumed with what you should have could have done. It's exhausting and can be relieved. Getting a kid to work out is near impossible, and it's such a shame because it could be the balance that you're looking for . So, i hope you dig deep and consider exercising just for you. So that your mind can cleanse itself and rest through meditation (which comes with yoga). It's my pleasure to know you Marcy, and I hope that you are feeling better today.

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Sep 14, 2014
Thats the thing Liz, i am not working as hard as i should. I am not doing my best at all. BUt i dont know whether that is because i have the wrong idea about what working hard means. Maybe i think working hard means waking up and going to school, working really hard there, coming home and then studying the rest of the day. I guess thats the "goal" i am setting in my head now. For me if feels like i have to do so many hours and my brain has to be working for that long, to be able to consider it hard work. Or else i could always be working harder. And well, thats what i was doing only about 2 years ago, but now i am not working that many hours, nor am as productive and focused as i used to be.
I am still convinced that my brain can work well without that much sleep, yes i am tired, but if i were smart i would still be able to function mentally, wouldn't i?
I dont feel like i can enjoy my life if im not doing well in school, or if im not smart.

Im only in general subjects. Thats what bothers me, i cant even cope with general. I mean i have seen students in years below me that are smarter than me.

I am feeling better, but just the thoughts i cant get rid of, because they are so right!
On school days i dont get much sleep at all, and i feel like i wont let myself until i prove to myself that i am smarter and doing okay in school. I know that isnt respecting myself that much, but i dont really deserve much if i am not working hard and doing something with my life. Then i think that maybe if i keep going like this it will get worse and i may end up in hospital because of sleep deprivation... thats been said to me in the past by people, and when i think about it it doesnt seem to bad. Maybe i wont stop with these terrible sleeping habits until i end up in hospital, that might wake me up a bit. It sounds like i am going to do that to myself on purpose, but if it happens, it happens.

A few other people keep suggesting a tutor for me, but for some reason i cant come to terms with it. I just dont want to...

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Sep 14, 2014
I keep wondering what it is i need help with. I have no reason to complain about my life, no right or nothing. So why do i feel so stupid and messed up?
I need control over something.. if its not school, i might try and get healthy food-wise. But the more control i want, the more anxious i get.

I have taken a step back to where i want to be anxious again. It shows or means that i care. And i want to prove to people that i care... so therefore i sometimes try and make myself feel worse, or i feel kind of empty or weird without the anxiety. It sounds so stupid i know...  

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Sep 19, 2014
You're feelings are NOT stupid by any means. Has anyone in your life EVER told you that your feelings are stupid? You are very judgmental and that needs to stop Marcy. You can't call other people stupid and you can't cal yourself stupid.

So, you are over concerned about the grades, inasmuch as the fact that in order to work at your best level, you need time for rest and relaxation. You're in general level, so you don't need to worry about University level courses. You do need to get your math and english credits though for college. You've said here that you are not working as hard as you used to, and you can see the result. But for all the time that you're not working, you're worrying. and that's just crazy,

You've said it yourself, that you need balance in your life.

When was the last time you went to the church group that you like? You need to make that a priority and get there. on a bus, if you have to. Join a group of some kind, like yoga classes. Doing the yoga and getting in to meditation is really what you're missing. Reading a book that is not prescribed reading by your school, is VERY important. As I said, the first book on meditation, written by a Buddhist, would probably work wonders for you. It did me. And many others. There is so much that you can do to help yourself. But all you've done is stopped an unhealthy schedule, and not replaced it with healthy things that people DO, The action that must be taken.You can get there. I promise but you must be more open to change. and not cling so much to what is now for you. What is now for you is not working. So change is required. Check out and answer on your latest journal.I'll talk to you soon my girl. Much love. Liz

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