My pills is changing and I'm scared as ****. For reasons I care not to explain, I fear that I've caught a bout of the pregnants. I was trying to hurry for Jon to use the computer, but it seems he's on his way to bed anyways. I feel no remorse, because he spent 6 hours before I was home not using my computer, but napping and playing games. I want spaghetti, but I can't get off my *** and make it. I'm so ******* hungry it's getting a little ridiculous. My feelings for my peers have become borderline homicidal. I hate them all so much. I forgot what it feels like, to hate someone so much. To hate EVERYBODY so much. I thought, ohh, I was just a moody little kid, it was just a phase. But this feels so real, and just like it used to. I scare myself, I get so mad. I just sat there, getting more and more stir crazy all day. By C block I'm in tears everyday. I'm not gonna go into detailed acccounts of how much I hate my ******* school everyday, because that's just mundane. But significantly, I saw Mrs. Bolduc today, and we scrubbed things in CA. I got an apron. It's dirty now. I ate a bagel with a LOT of cream cheese, and my stomach's hurt all day.
I had YAP, we're planning an Ice Cream Social. Me and this other boy are in charge of the menu. So we had to look through the whole kitchen and also figure out other things we needed. We played Catchphrase. I love catchphrase. I talk to myself a little bit more than I used to. I've gotten quite a bit lonelier. I want to alienate myself, because I don't want to talk to people. I don't like when they ask If I'm ok? because I don't know how to answer. Nobody wants to hear it. I don't want to explain it. Especially on the way to class, when just eye contact makes me burst into tears. I close my eyes to settle my aching head and find myself asleep. I can't catch up.