Sep 10, 2009
The month of August was very stressful and September does not look much better.Tonight my husband & I had a fight and I am not sure if it is over. My Hubby is in bed. I am still digesting tonight's words of frustration and anger from both of us. All because of me and Fibro/cfsc.
Mike was put on Fetenal in August to control the pain that he has in his knees. He has no cartilage in either knee and yes in extreme pain. He works for UCSD University as a Landscaper so he is on his feet all day. Well back to the Fentenal: He is allergic to it and the side effects were horrible that he went through. I thought I was going to lose him.So our Dr. put him Morphine Sulfate, which I also take. He had allergic reaction to that, he has been having trouble swallowing since he has been on the Morhine. He saw a different dr. on Tuesday this week as our dr. was booked. I was thinking he was having anxiety attacks. An the dr. he saw said the same and prescribed anti anxiety medication I have never heard of. He took one when he got to work and later he was fighting sleep. So that medicine is out. He is very agitated which I understand. I have to call and schedule a barium swallowing test to see if he has anything that may be causing the swallowing problem. They want to rule out cancer,stroke, ALS, Parkinson's,throat cancer or MS. So this was also part of our discussion or argument. He is scared as am I .
His anxiety he says is because when he comes home from work he has to deal with me and what Fibro.is doing to us. As we all know each day is different for us. We may have a good day or more bad days and symptoms. I have been dealing with depression as most of you know. I was doing better until last month. Needless to say my depression and anxiety Fibro are out of control my Dr. says. He emailed me today and told me I am going to have to deal with the fibro flare, and he is giving me more Ativan to get through this. It is hard to hear from your husband that if it wasn't for me and the Fibro. with all it's symptoms he would be happier and would not have any anxiety.
He told me all the things I do now that irritate him. I know living with someone with Fibro. and results from a TBI when I was 14. so my right Temporal lobe is dead.
I just want to go away where I will not be such a burden.He refuses my help or suggestions. He will not take his medications only his high blood pressure med. I don't know what is going to happen here.
I have no more energy for this, I love Mike but at the same time I am causing him too much pain. Maybe I should leave for awhile. I cannot think anymore. I have done everything the professionals suggested and it has not helped. I HATE FIBRO. WITH EVERY BREATH I TAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have tried to find the positive in it and for what????????????????? I am out of words, thoughts. Nothing I do Matters to the most important person in my life I do ask 1 favor please pray for Mike and the test I need to schedule for him. My mind is ready to explode. I just needed a safe place to talk. Thanks all for listening. I have no energy and my head is pounding.
hugs to all,