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I just want to be normal what ever that is now

Sep 21, 2009 - 3 comments

I got through this past weekend my Hubby & I  had a calm quiet weekend. We stayed home. It took everything I had to clean the cats litter box that is a must!! I just was online or watching TV, and resting. I took a lot of catnaps. I have never felt so sick. Fibro. and it's syndromes are kicking my rear end big time. I just have no energy to fight it. I had the closest mental meltdown last Thursday 9-17. I felt like I was close to having a nerveous breakdown. I still feel that way, but not suicidal right now.

I barely have eaten, I feel nausea when I eat. I have been eating applesauce and crackers with peanut butter and watermelon. Mike went out and bought me some Power Aid (can't drink Gatoraid)that  I have been trying to get it into my system. If I get up and move around I get light headed and a migraine. Just no energy or will to fight with Fibro. &  it's syndromes. Does that make sense?

I still just don't want to think about anything right now. To much has happened which has affected the way I am thinking right now.  Oh, Mike and I will be fine. He has apologized and cried to the point of sobbing which hurts my heart deeply. But It has been a very heavy burden on him for some time. More lately plus his health issues the last couple of months. I told him I cannot do anymore fights like we had. I really am physically sick and scared of how bad I feel. Fibro. has reared it's ugly head and throwing everything at me. At times my eyes get so unfocused I can't see anything. That scares me a lot.   But Mike is doing what he can, we both are aware we said in sickness or health in our wedding vows and we took our vows very serious.

I just never thought I would end up like this. I still am angry with Fibro and what it has done to me/us.  I have had people that say just look on the bright side. BRIGHT SIDE OF WHAT!!! WHERE I AM NOW?  I don't see a bright side today, maybe in a couple of weeks. I don't want to hear that right now, please try to understand.

I feel safe with all of you, thank you and may God watch over each of you and help you with your battles.
I sorry I sound like baby complaining how bad I feel, when I know there are many of you are dealing much more than I am. I don't know where else to go. It is going to take a month before I get a new Social Worker I requested. My Psychiatrist on deals with medication for depression.  But if I being too much of a whiner you can tell me to move on for a while.  I know in my heart I need to fight this. Just need time to rest mentally and physically before I can. I hope my MH family understands. It is comforting.

I need to get a shower and a nap. Be in touch soon.

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by saveone, Sep 21, 2009
we do understand.  Rest well.  We will see you around when you are ready.  terry

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by PastorDan, Sep 22, 2009
Yes, Terry's right; we do understand.  Happy to hear that you have weathered the latest storm, and we're praying for some blue skies to come your way soon.  Meanwhile, wrap a blanket around the two of you & watch the clouds roll by.

Avatar universal
by kitonthemoon, Sep 22, 2009
DITTO everything Saveone and PastorDan said.

Sometimes it takes huge storm to roll by until we can see clear sky hidden underneath it.  I know you believe it totally in your heart....just need time to really digest the reality and make peace with it.

Hug you tight.

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