Sep 21, 2009
I got through this past weekend my Hubby & I had a calm quiet weekend. We stayed home. It took everything I had to clean the cats litter box that is a must!! I just was online or watching TV, and resting. I took a lot of catnaps. I have never felt so sick. Fibro. and it's syndromes are kicking my rear end big time. I just have no energy to fight it. I had the closest mental meltdown last Thursday 9-17. I felt like I was close to having a nerveous breakdown. I still feel that way, but not suicidal right now.
I barely have eaten, I feel nausea when I eat. I have been eating applesauce and crackers with peanut butter and watermelon. Mike went out and bought me some Power Aid (can't drink Gatoraid)that I have been trying to get it into my system. If I get up and move around I get light headed and a migraine. Just no energy or will to fight with Fibro. & it's syndromes. Does that make sense?
I still just don't want to think about anything right now. To much has happened which has affected the way I am thinking right now. Oh, Mike and I will be fine. He has apologized and cried to the point of sobbing which hurts my heart deeply. But It has been a very heavy burden on him for some time. More lately plus his health issues the last couple of months. I told him I cannot do anymore fights like we had. I really am physically sick and scared of how bad I feel. Fibro. has reared it's ugly head and throwing everything at me. At times my eyes get so unfocused I can't see anything. That scares me a lot. But Mike is doing what he can, we both are aware we said in sickness or health in our wedding vows and we took our vows very serious.
I just never thought I would end up like this. I still am angry with Fibro and what it has done to me/us. I have had people that say just look on the bright side. BRIGHT SIDE OF WHAT!!! WHERE I AM NOW? I don't see a bright side today, maybe in a couple of weeks. I don't want to hear that right now, please try to understand.
I feel safe with all of you, thank you and may God watch over each of you and help you with your battles.
I sorry I sound like baby complaining how bad I feel, when I know there are many of you are dealing much more than I am. I don't know where else to go. It is going to take a month before I get a new Social Worker I requested. My Psychiatrist on deals with medication for depression. But if I being too much of a whiner you can tell me to move on for a while. I know in my heart I need to fight this. Just need time to rest mentally and physically before I can. I hope my MH family understands. It is comforting.
I need to get a shower and a nap. Be in touch soon.