All Journal Entries Journals

Joe's Team!

Oct 29, 2014 - 4 comments

I have now spoken to all the doctors on Joe's team.  Apparently pulmonary embolism CAN come up very suddenly....so suddenly that it would not show on a CT scan done within a few weeks beforehand.  Dr. Boyer also said that Joe was in the 10%...those are the ones that it happens to SO fast that all they notice is a little weakness (true) and a little shortness of breath (true) and that's it.  It is so fast they don't feel pain and they don't even really know that they were dying.

We knew we were going to lose him sooner rather than later but Joe and I had hoped he would make it long enough for a trip to visit all the kids and get through the holidays but if given the choice between kids/trip and his passing pain-free and without the fear that knowledge of your imminent death gives a person....I'd give up the kids/trip every time in a flat second.

So I am at peace with that.  I had promised Joe I would only flat out mourn for about a week.  I will keep my promise.  Then I will do what I promised which was to pick myself up and start living again.  I will do that too...sadly, but I will do it.  My m-i-l says the week starts next Monday so I'm going with what she says.

Sitting here crying and had a conversation with Joe.  Told him all about the kids and grandkids.  Told him that the gifts he had picked out for them were given and accepted very, very gratefully.  Told him he would have loved his service.  Did it just the way he always told me he would want.  Maybe I'm nuts but I think his spirit is with me and he hears what I say.

I'm going to go bawl my eyes out some more and hopefully collapse into some sleep.  I MISS him so damn much!!!

Love you all!

Comments
Post a Comment
Avatar universal
by Ejm7263, Oct 29, 2014
Praying for you. You are loved.

Avatar universal
by Ejm7263, Oct 29, 2014
Praying for you. You are loved.

Avatar universal
by 10356, Oct 30, 2014
when I lost my Samantha I spoke to he every evening just as if she still lived here, I would say Goodnight when I could no longer stay awake too speak with her. In those first weeks I felt her Spirit was there with me listening to what I had too say and as I drifted off too sleep it felt as if my house was full and she was sleeping in her room behind mine.. Then one morning I woke and there was a young hawk sitting on my fence, I seen this as a message I was meant to understand although I did not. Then the next day the hawk came back and sat in my tree in front of my house I walked out and took pictures of this hawk and got very close.. The hawk hung around for about 2 weeks and now is seen only occasionally.. since this I no longer have long conversations with sam before I sleep and I was able to move past the crippling grief into a more flowing sort of one. I believe the hawk was a message that she was there listening to what I needed to say and when she heard what she needed too the hawk was sent to let me know her spirit is strong beautiful fierce and free.. This freed my grief some and allowed me to start to live again.. I do not know exactly why I shared this with you, maybe it is you grief for I do know profound grief.. respectfully warmly, lesa

8976007 tn?1413330650
by Jinx_777, Oct 30, 2014
so sorry.  i have not been on in awhile, so just learning this now.  

please don't try and set time limits on your grief.  you mourn him as long as you need to.  there are so many steps to grief that it would be impossible to do it in your promised timeline.  

when my son died, i lost my mind.  i still grieve and will forever.  you just have to learn to live with a HUGE hole in your heart.  

hang in there sweetie.  you have done so much to help other people and we will be here for you.

Post a Comment