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Rage

Nov 07, 2014 - 7 comments

I'm so full of anger and yes rage lately. It seems like I am mad at everyone and everything.  No matter what I do, I can't seem to get it under control. I've tried exercising, walking around my neighborhood, vacuuming, and cleaning my house. I did 6 loads of laundry today, that really didn't need to be done, just so I could try to focus on something besides my anger.  Here is just some of the things I am angry about:

Road rage.  I live in the middle of 3 Elementary schools. There are big yellow school busses everywhere. No matter what time of the day I go out, I am having to deal with damn school busses. Today, one school buss changed lanes with no signal, and cut me off. I had to slam on my brakes and nearly sent myself through

the windshield. Thank God for seat belts.  Then, a school bus made a left turn in front of me, and again I had to slam on the brakes. I mean I know we are supposed to be very careful around school busses, but seriously? Do these drivers have to obey traffic laws like the rest of us? Do they have to pass any kind of driving test?  I was so angry I was shaking when I got home.

My next door neighbor.  They just moved in about a month or so ago.  I was very nice and neighborly. I went over to their house, (did I mention that it's right next door?),  and I welcomed them to the neighborhood, and told them to let me know if they needed anything.  Now, I swear I am so angry, I'm ready to call the cops on them.  My neighbor is a single mom with 7 (yes, that is Seven) kids.  5 boys and 2 girls. They range in age from about 14 to an infant.  Well, my bedroom faces the front of their house. The mother lets those urchins out at 6:30 AM! They are in their yard, and mine, screaming, yelling, crying, and fighting, while I am trying to sleep!  Then the mother will come outside and scream and cuss (she says some very bad words) and tell the kids to shut up. This happens almost every morning. I am so sick of it that I am now sleeping downstairs, on the couch in the back of the house.  The other thing is that when the kids are outside screaming and yelling, they set off all the dogs in the neighborhood, and the barking starts!

The Post Office. They have been trying to deliver a package to me for over 2 weeks! They keep leaving me a damn note in my mailbox, that I need to sign for delivery and to reschedule. I have signed the damn paper, and rescheduled it for delivery 3 Effing times! I have waited at home, and they still put the stinking note in my mailbox!  So, I guess tomorrow I will have to go down there, and show them some of my rage. No offense to anyone who works for the US Post Office, but my mail carrier(s) SUCK!  I swear they don't deliver the mail every day. They are too lazy to walk the 30 feet from my mailbox to my door to deliver the package.

My Roomate.  She has a new job, and is able to work from home.  She loves it!  Me, not so much. This means that we are now in the same house nearly 24-7.  She works for a call center & ties up the phone for 9 hours a day!  She hogs all the bandwidth on the Internet. This is just not working for me.  I NEED MY SPACE!

All of this anger is keeping me away from responding and replying on the forum. It feels like I read every post with a huge amount of skepticism. I'm so afraid I will go off on someone, and get myself in trouble. Not to mention hurt someone's feelings. So, until I get this resolved and get over this rage, I have been refraining from posting.  

Lastly, this is affecting my sleep. My mind just races with angry thoughts.  Thus, here I am at 2AM.  I really hope and pray that this awful emotion passes soon.  I am not typically and angry person.  I don't like what this is doing to me. I hope writing my feelings down will help.

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Avatar universal
by msdelight, Nov 07, 2014
Hi Rissa! Well first off, it's a full moon,  so if you're up before the seven dwarfs go out into the yard and howl your best note. The kids and mom will think there is a coyote and never come out again. Later,  go knock on the door and ask if they are having problems with snakes and scorpions and ask if the would like the name of your exterminator.

Leave a note for the mailman in your mailbox telling him the package contains Depends and if he doesn't deliver it soon you will be forced to relieve yourself at the post office while reporting him.

School buses are tough. Only travel during school hours when the inexperienced drivers are off the road and home watching Dr Phil. Keep a jar of nails in the front seat and toss em out the window when you pass one.

Tell your roommate that she needs to get her own phone and internet account!  WTF.   I sure understand your loss of space since mr wonderful has retired now and follows me around like a puppy! It's ok, I think we are all moving to Weavers house soon so you should come! Put some LOUD music on and dance around the place playing air guitar and singing.  May I suggest Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix?

Hang in there mama and howl your heart out!

6990909 tn?1435279416
by jugglin, Nov 07, 2014
Hey Girl!
I can't stop laughing at MsD's response!  What amazing advice!
I'm glad you came here to write and hope it helped you to get it out.
Can I join you in Anger Management?  

I drop kiddos off to school and pick them up.  We live in an old, historical neighborhood so our school sits in the middle of the neighborhood - no parking lot.  Only street parking. I am cussing every morning and every afternoon at the stupidity of parents.  There are only 2 buses that come to our school and they are pretty law abiding.  I have seen kids nearly get hit by cars on more occasions than I can count because their lazyazz parents are too special to follow the rules.  They let kids out of the car on the opposite sides of the street and have them cross over IN FRONT of the cars in drop off lines. My kids hear more words out of my mouth in the morning about selfish folks whose lives are apparently far more busy and too important to follow the simple rules for safety.  These are the same cars that cut in line at pick up after I have been waiting my turn for 20 minutes. Wow...thanks for letting me vent on your journal.

As for the neighbor...seriously?!?!!  WHO DOES THAT?  Who lets their kids out of the house that early, much less unsupervised. Take MsD's advice on that one...:)))  People are unbelievable!

I'm sure the roommate issue is more touchy and probably aggravates you the most because you no longer have any "me" time.  She is there AAAALLLLLLL the time.  No easy way to resolve that.  I would just recommend a house meeting and discuss how you are feeling about tying up the phone and internet.  Now that she has accepted this type of position, she needs to pay for a second phone line as well as her own internet connection.

Put in your earbuds and crank whatever favorite music makes you happy.  Continue the exercise, the housecleaning...any distraction. Maybe go to the library and just sit for awhile.  Or, better yet, jump on a plane to St. Louis as I could use some help in the housecleaning area...along with the 8 total soccer games this weekend.  But dress warm cuz those outdoor games are going to be EFFING cold.:))

Here for you any time you need to vent!
xoxoxo


2083449 tn?1381358308
by Sonrissa, Nov 07, 2014
Thank you, ladies.  For reading my rant.  I know some of my anger is irrational, but it just comes out. It seems like a volcano and the lava boils over.

Love you both! You can always make me smile and laugh!  Now, I gotta go kill a neighbor! LOL!

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by clean_in_ks, Nov 07, 2014
Well just leave it to Wiki to be "serious"...ok?

While I really enjoy throwing humor at my problems.....at some point I do have get serious about them especially if it's affecting my sleep and my attitude overall.  It's great to vent and rant....because what we shove down inside HAS to come out somewhere....and being an addict.....it can come "out" where we don't want it to if we don't find some resolution.

I thought of a couple things as I read this, Miss Rissa.  I thought of a woman that helped me years ago with my anger...she saw I was seething about "stuff" and shoved a little card across the meeting table at me...yes, I was at one of my favorite women's meetings (a good idea, too).  It said, "God grant me the serenity to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change, the courage to change the PERSON I can, and the wisdom to know it's ME."

That's all the card said.  She was an older woman who had started riding with the bikers after she got clean.  She didn't say anything....nothing to me at all.  She just shoved that card across the table.  It is something that I have never forgotten and this was a REALLY long time ago that this happened.  And it DID help me....cause it gave me new eyes to filter all the things that were making me angry.  What could I change?  What was I powerless over?  (other people, places and things which is a heck of a lot!!!)  LOL

Maybe, just maybe....it's time to think about a move for you???  I have no clue if that's even an option...and sometimes, what seems like "not an option"......BECOMES an option later on down the line.  Just some food for thought.  I love you and miss seeing you around when you're not~
Love,
Wiki

2083449 tn?1381358308
by Sonrissa, Nov 07, 2014
Thanks Wiki.  You make a very valid point.  I have thought about this a lot.  I typically blame myself for everything.  I usually start with me, and my accountability, and work from there. I have always used humor to work through difficult things in my life. Even my Dads death. It's just how I cope.  As I said, I am not a typically angry person, so this has been surprising and difficult for me.

I love the variation of the Serenity Prayer.  

XXOO

Avatar universal
by msdelight, Nov 09, 2014
Well then I guess this rage is catching. That will be my last attempt at throwing humor. I'll just focus on all my pain, my abusive alcoholic husband and my mom who drank the rent money this month. Or getting thrown off MH for posting this.  No problem. Hope you feel better ms rissa.

2107676 tn?1388977459
by Pat1956100, Nov 11, 2014
Awww I don't think that was directed at you Ms.D.  I am so sorry you have so much on your plate.  Nobody knows what we are all really carrying and how difficult it is at times to post and help people.  
Humour (that's how us Canadians spell it) is a wonderful thing and something that has helped me through life and it sounds like it is doing the same for you.  

Sonrissa, I would be going crazy dealing with kids screaming and dogs barking and the roommate thing.
Hang in there and vent whenever you need to.  You know you can always vent to me.  That rage feeling isn't nice and it scares me when it happens.

Love you lots

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