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Oct 08, 2009 - 20 comments

Today i broke up with my girlfriend, i feel real bad cuz i care about her.but i caught her with another man and she didn't apologize. i feel real bad and depressed :(

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by lissa80, Oct 08, 2009
Why on earth should you feel bad. And her saying sorry would not take back what she did. She's wrong, not you. She can't be a nice person if she screwed around on you.  Just don't blame yourself and the hurt will go away. one day. good luck

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by narla, Oct 08, 2009
If she was with another man then she can't of loved you,she's not worth getting depressed over.Go and treat yourself to something that you've wanted ie: a good book or a CD.or better still go and spend a day at a day spa,If you've never had one you'll see it's the most relaxing thing ever.

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by SophieShine, Oct 08, 2009
Hey there Scotty! I'm sorry for your pain, cheating on someone is so appalling. You do not deserve this and you did good by breaking up. She doesn't deserve you and your love.
Please don't feel bad, you'll find someone that really cares and that you can trust.
xoxoxo. sophie.

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by LIZZIE LOU, Oct 08, 2009
time heals all wounds...hang in there.

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by drifter0213, Oct 08, 2009
thank you, we have been together off and on for 5 years and i know i can heal from this.... maybe i'll keep praying

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by turkee23, Oct 08, 2009
yes keep praying and god will get your through anything.... im sorry, but she wasnt worth it..... it will get easier.... you have to go through 10 bad apples to finnaly get a sweet one....keep your head up sexy!.....

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by Some_life1976, Oct 08, 2009
OUCH! I am so sorry ! she didnt even say sorry? that justs tells you you did the right thing hang in there. i know us women can be a pain in the *** but this gives you a chance to work on a better you for now good luck

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by marileew, Oct 08, 2009
One of my boyfriends cheated on me a LOT and I stayed with him and he never stopped... it made me so depressed and made my self-esteem so low... and eventually I cheated back and now I will never be able to forgive myself for that and I have to look at myself everyday in the mirror and live with the fact that I was capable of doing that myself which is a very awful and disgusting knowledge to have to live with... so, even though you are sad now and it hurts and you feel bad about it, I have to say that I really support your decision to break up with your girlfriend... I wanted to forgive my cheating boyfriend soooo badly because I believe that forgiveness is so important in life... but, what I didn't realize is that just because I forgave him didn't mean I had to stay with him... so, your decision to end the relationship makes sense to me and it shows that you respect yourself and care about yourself too, which is just as important as caring about the people we go out with. and yes, you will heal from this... it takes time to heal but you are right, you will heal. but i am sorry you hurt right now, you are allowed to hurt right now... this sort of situation is icky and awful and hurts. i hope you feel better soon and i am sure that you will find someone who will treat you right.

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by rudyhorse, Oct 08, 2009
Sorry you are feeling so low.  That is something right at the heart of a relationship, so it really hurts.  I hope you know you don't deserve that.  We'll all be thinking of you, hang in there.  

We didn't end up cheating on each other but my husband and I did divorce years ago and remarry.  So I understand how hard it is to a degree, since we have been together for 27 years total.  Then again others understand how hurt it must be because of what she did.  Usually if someone will cheat it doesn't stop at one person, one time, so I wouldn't feel bad breaking it off.  Not that you don't have hurt feelings.  

Thinking of you, hang in there,

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by cari7373, Oct 08, 2009
Ick what a terrible situation to be in. You mention praying.. that certainly is something you should continue if that's a comfort for you to get you through difficult times.

It sounds as if she apologized or showed remorse you would have forgiven her? Takes a very strong person to that. You have every right to end a relationship because one was unfaithful so don't beat yourself up.

Never know how things will work out till they do or don't. Keep praying and you certainly will be directed as to what you should do. Sometimes it's not what others would approve of or think as wise but listen to your heart... it will guide you.

Hang in there.

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by drifter0213, Oct 08, 2009
Thank you everyone ! i will keep my chin up -scotty

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by Lucey12, Oct 08, 2009
Im sorry to hear that. That is a really tough situation. You loved her but she betrayed you. I know I would want something like that to never happen but if it did, I would react the way you did. (Id probably end up going psycho on his @ss with whatever is handy that I could beat him with first but y'know, same sort of deal)

Now you can move on, have time for you, and when you are ready find someone better.

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by txbell, Oct 08, 2009
Well, I'm not gonna be self-righteous on this one. At one point in time or another I have been the person in all three positions of cheating. No matter what anyone says, you never really know that you wouldn't be the person in one of those positions until you ARE that person. If you really love the person that you are with, you can forgive or overlook just about anything. Trust me.

Having said that; I'm sorry that she felt the need or desire to cheat on you. I'm sorry that you felt the best choice was to end the relationship. I'm not gonna point fingers & say that either one of you was absolutely wrong because I don't know what really happened that created this situation. I'm not even sure what you mean by "i caught her with another man and she didn't apologize". For all I know, you caught her talking to another man while fully dressed, but at a time when you thought she was doing something else.

From reading your profile & because I am in a relationship with someone who suffers from some of the same psychological issues as you I can say point blank that you MAY have misperceived the situation that you "discovered". I know that you cannot help the problems that you have & I commend both of you for having a relationship that has lasted this long. She obviously loves you and has tried to understand you & be there for you. Don't listen to other people who tell you differently; they aren't her. Realistically, you probably don't make the relationship easy for a partner. I'm not saying that excuses what she may have done, but it doesn't make you completely innocent either. I suspect that you would support those last two statements because you do seem like you would want to find a reason to forgive her.

What this all boils down to is that you shouldn't give up just yet. Baby Daddy & I have found a way to get passed our past even though there are alot of people who don't approve. Five years of love is alot to throw away. I think you should speak with her openly about what happened, without pointing the finger of guilt at her. Start by making a promise to her that all you want is to learn what went wrong from her perspective. Second, admit your own faults (that you are aware of) that may have lead to problems in the relationship. Next, ask her for her honest reasons for doing what she did. No matter what her respose, REMAIN CALM & MAINTAIN THE DESIRE TO LEARN FROM HER WORDS. In order to mend your broken relationship, you have to keep the promise you made to her before the conversation started. Even if you are just friendly towards one another after that, it will do you both a world of good. What you take away from your relationship with her can either help or harm any new relationship that you pursue in the future.

Good luck to you. I'd really like to see you succeed at creating a positive from this negative experience. :-)

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by mami1323, Oct 08, 2009
I'm so sorry you are going through such a tough time.  You don't give much detail so I can't really analyze the situation but if she cheated and didn't feel sorry for it than you are right there is no point in trying to make it work.  But perhaps in time you will be able to talk more about the situation.  I have survived infidelity so if you need anyone to talk to than please feel free to send me a pm or you can talk more in the infidelity group.  Best wishes to you.

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by bluebutterfly2222, Oct 08, 2009
Hi Scotty,

I just want to offer a few thoughts.

When we have been invested in an important relationship for a long time, even if we experience betrayal  or rejection, our hearts and minds can't just change overnight!  We have a huge store of positive memories, thoughts, feelings, and sensations in regard to the person that don't just disappear because a new, negative experience has been added to the mix.

Even though you came to the rational decision that the behavior was not something you could tolerate, it takes a long time for all of this to become absorbed and integrated at an emotional level.

So of course you will feel lost and lonely and hurt and depressed.  That's how you're supposed to be feeling right now, even though it's incredibly painful.  But you WILL heal in time...

Best wishes,

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by starkling, Oct 09, 2009
Hi everyone,

I have just been reading the comments. I feel I have come to the right place to get some help. Feedback from others I believe is very helpful if you welcome it.

I'm having a really difficult time with the guy in my life. We've been arguing a llot for the best part of the relationship. Since Mid July it has calmed down. That's because I've stopped asking him questions about where his been. He is quite a secretive guy and unfortunately makes you feel very insecure. He does this by looking or staring at other women in your presence and staying up late chatting on the internet. The only time he's really nice to me is when he wants sex. We do it almost every night. But if I don’t feel like it and he goes 2 - 3 nights without then he becomes difficult and disagreeable about things. At least we don’t have blazing rows anymore. But I can’t help myself; I do believe this guy is a cheater. He cheated on his ex girlfriend. I found out by chance. He lent me an old mobile phone, but it still had old text messages.

I realised that he arranged to meet a woman in another part of London. Judging from the text reply the woman enjoyed their night of sex but was feeling guilty because she is a Christian. I noted the date Oct 17th 2007. He split with his girlfriend early 2008 then he met me Sept 2008. I had no idea at the time of meeting him that he just only come out of a relationship.

I think its unfortunate but I caught him on a rebound. I believe there has been more to his last relationship which has bled into our relationship.

Now I really dont feel the way I felt when I first met him. I'm back at my flat since Aug and have not made any effort to go visit him. He doesn’t seem to mind ether.  I want to split up with him but I'm not sure how to do it without causing a bad reaction. He's under a lot of pressure as well coz he's not getting on with his folks. This guy is 36 and has a good job flat and money. That's a plus for him. I have a good job flat and money. So its not financial trouble. I came to my conclusion that he is addicted to sex and he will find any opportunity to ignite the possibility to cheat. He really believes its his right to do so.

He is not good for me. I was really horrified when I realised what happened in the past with this guy. But I never discussed it with him what I read from his mobile. All it did was confirm my suspicions about him. And that’s one of the reasons why he’s resentful because I asked to many questions. Its like I have radar!
He turned to me after a blazing row we had. Without thinking of it he said, I find it hard to trust women. I really do.  And that concluded my thoughts on the matter.
Relationship doom!!

I would be grateful for any feedback. Sorry for the amount of text I feel ever so better for getting it out
Many thanks

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by starkling, Oct 09, 2009
ps I would also like to mention that my self esteem has been very low. But since I have stopped being with him I have begun to feel much better.

We communicate by email now and then. But quite recently he has stopped login in to chat. He is so nice as if nothing was going on. But I can tell you every single email that I have received to date has nothing intermate. How he is feeling what he wants out of life nothing. its all about earning more money travelling and so on. Nothing about us. No yearning to have me back.

I dont know why he's playing me off like that as if he still wants me in his life but his behavior speaks the truth. I have been wanting to be back but just the other day realized that I am in denial and I too dont want to go back to that!!

Do you think he's already met someone?

Thanks for your time

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by cyndogg, Oct 09, 2009
hi drifter,

forget about her, you can find another woman who is faithful to you. time will heal you , keep praying .
you deserve better !

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by leeisgettingclean, Oct 12, 2009
sorry to hear this! you prob be better without him!

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by AmyKelley317, Oct 19, 2009
Her loss, not yours. Your'e the better person obviously!

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