A migraine woke me up this morning at 5am... what a terrible alarm clock.
I thought it might be a sinus thing at first... so I came down here to put it into my tracker and take some sinus meds. While I was tracking the headache, I realized that it wasn't a sinus headache... it was a migraine that was quickly approaching a 10/10.
I got off the computer immediately and went to get my migraine meds. I took a zomig.
Then I went into the living room and rested in the dark and tried to do relaxation breathing.
Then about half an hour later, after no relief and the pain getting worse, I took a naproxen.
Then I went back to my bed and sat up against the wall because I'm not supposed to lie down for an hour or something after taking the naproxen and also for some reason lying down just made the headache worse too. I zoned out for half an hour and then I tried to lie down.
I started crying. I thought about banging my head against the wall and it took a lot of convincing myself that it would just make things worse to stop myself from doing it. The pain got worse and worse. At about 7am, I was screaming and I realized I needed a hydromorphone. I hate taking them, and I am also afraid to take them because every time I take them I am closer to running out and then I am afraid I won't be able to get another prescription because my doctor hates prescribing opiates and if I don't have the hydropmorphone then I won't have the only thing that works during a suicide headache and then I might actually commit suicide and that is the scariest thought in the entire world so I try to keep them for suicide headaches only. But, this was getting to be a suicide headache... I was starting to think about hurting myself and things were getting scary and I'd been screaming for at least half an hour.
So, I grabbed my hydropmorphone bottle and went downstairs to get some water. My mom woke up because I'd been screaming and rushed to see what was wrong. All I could say was "headache" and "knife". She asked what I'd taken and I said "zomig naproxen hydromorphone". She told me to come sit next to her on the couch and wrap a blanket around me and she helped guide me through relaxation exercises and told me to squeeze her hand when the pain was too bad. I kept saying "knife" and she said "I know, in your head, I know, just squeeze my hand... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, breathe out." She managed to get me to stop screaming with the breathing exercises but I was still crying and grabbing my head and saying "knife" a lot... because, that's all I could think of really, was the fact that there was a knife in my head, or at least, that's what it felt like and that's the only word I could remember anymore.
Finally mom said I needed another hydromorphone. I said no because then I'd run out too quickly. Mom said I'd have to go to the hospital and get it there if I wouldn't take it at home. So, she got my prescription and gave me another one. About 15 minutes later the pain got to be about a 3-4/10 and I felt normal again. Even that was too much though and every time she left the room I got scared and begged her to come back because the pain was too scary.
Now it's better and I can be on my own again and it's not scary. I am still uncomfortable but not in pain anymore. Mom is still sitting beside me though. I think I am going to maybe rest for a bit since it's Saturday and only 8:30am... I don't know how lying down will feel... we'll see.