Dec 01, 2014
Found life is pretty tough lately. At a new job I like. Once again I'm apathetic. Brain Fog. 80% clean house. Completely inactive other than maybe 5 minutes a day. Can't stop feeling mild depression. Months and months of mild depression seems to drive me crazier than a week of horrid depression and a swing back. Seeing a girl, who is pretty much agnostic. We relate in many other ways, i.e. music and humor. She's kind. My masseuse from the chiropractor I'm visiting from my car wreck. She asked me out and things went on from there. Started about 2 weeks ago. Already feel like I'm loosing the strength of my faith, which was one of the only things I had left to hold onto mentally. Normal physical life is not so bad. Forgot to pay for insurance, so uninsured another month. Need to visit psychiatrist. Really want my mood stabilizer reduced so that I can feel the effects of the Wellbutrin. Sick of it. Can't stand just settling on my mood. Sighing, "...this works." isn't a very happy life for me. I am so used to being ecstatic, enjoying the thrills of life. Enjoying relationships. Feeling something when I hug someone. I'm so afraid to complain because of my religion, but I've been told to make it clear when something affects me- after all, could that be wrong? I feel sad. I feel disconnected with every relationship, even my close family members who I trust so much and love so greatly. I don't know how long it has gone this way, I'm thinking over a half a year. I was speaking to my Pdoc in April about this issue. She said I was pretty much maxed out on Wellbutrin at 300mg. The best option, she said, was to reduce the Lamictal down from the 200mg.
Does anyone have any thoughts, concerns, or encouragements?