Dec 29, 2014
While I sit here, and think about all the good things in my life that I'm thankful for... I can't help but think of you - and how we should be anxiously awaiting your arrival.
I was doing 'well' (I use that term lightly) holding it together this Christmas season... I thought of you often, I cried when I was alone, but I held it 'together'...
It ***** when all I do is think of you and it seems like no one else does.
Your little face is etched into my mind that I don't feel bad for not looking at your picture everyday... Because you're always on my mind.
While it's been almost 4 mos since we found out we lost you, I can say things have gotten easier... But every now and then I get choked up.
I came in to work this morning for the first time since Christmas break and there was a little stocking next to my mouse on my desk... I work at a tractor dealership and run a shop full of men between the ages of (our co-op/apprentices) 18/19 - 50... So it's hard to think any of them would get me a gift, lol.
But when I opened it, I knew exactly who it came from.
After I lost Levi, I was obviously heartbroken, sad, lost, distraught, and just an all around mess. I'd dispatch a job, and in the middle of explaining what needed to be done, I'd start bawling.
A technician approached me in my office, and sat down. He was/is a pretty quiet guy, but funny when he does talk. So the fact he opened up to me, meant a lot considering he usually keeps to himself. He had said that 4yrs prior, he lost his son at around 20yrs old (I can't remember how old.. er, young* exactly) unexpectedly in an accident. He went on about how hard it was, and that things get better... er, easier* with time.
So when I opened this little angel ornament with her head down, clutching a heart as if she were holding a child, that said 'faith' on it. I knew right away who it came from.
It makes my heart heavy with sadness that you aren't here, and we've already crossed paths - but realizing I'm not the only one who remembers you, and that i'm still hurting, makes it a little lighter...