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Calling me?

Oct 28, 2009 - 6 comments

I'm not entirely sure what this journal is going to be about. I've just been thinking a lot lately. It kind of struck me...

Last night my friend, Tom, asked me what I was thinking about. I had this vast list of various little ponderings. I have an extremely hypersensitive memory and I never forget anything. So when I think of something, it's thrown into my little thinking vault inside my brain. So... my list was relatively long. He said, "You know, you don't think about yourself. You worry about everything and everyone, but yourself."

I started thinking about it and he was right. I've never really put myself before others. It has never actually seemed... right. You'll come to realize that I think too much, and I take things far too deep, but oh well. I'm an overly processed thinker.

I've always been sort of lost when it came to myself. I've been afraid of my own thoughts, my perspective. I don't know how to help myself. I don't like helping myself. I guess that makes me sadistic. In my own mind, whatever I go through gives me some connection. A connection to a person, a topic, anything. It gives me knowledge.

With that, I have an odd way of connecting with people. Everyone I've ever met has told me how comfortable I am to be around. How easy I am to talk to, etc.

You know what, I don't know where I'm going with this. See, doubting myself again? haha.

Well, if I feel like it I'll pick back up on this. Feel free to comment, nag, gripe, whatever floats your boat.

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770551 tn?1305578901
by sunshine1976, Oct 28, 2009
I also look at things from every angle and it drives my husband batty.  I see everyones side at once.  Taking into account everything that has happened or might have happened or might happen in the future. Worrying over how every word and action is going to effect someone or the situation.  I have found a little peace as I've gotten older but I still hear the whispers in the back mind and have had more than a few wakeful nights with brain clutter.  It makes it hard to make choices based on what you would like and I've often been a little jealous of shallow self absorbed people because of their ability to put themselves first.  On the plus side I've been told people like us are very creative and also make good teachers and therapists!

I think my semi-peace came when I realized everyone had the same doubts and fears as I did.  Everyones human experience has a lot of the same strands.  I was just one of the people who could recognize what I was feeling and why.  Once you figure that out you can decides how to use your strengths and weaknesses  to be the person you want to be.

808144 tn?1332724340
by iwouldbdanielle, Oct 28, 2009
Haha yeah. I'm told constantly that I would make a good teacher, therapist, sociologist, psychologist, etc. I don't really see it. lol

Hmm, I like the way we think :]

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by Dazon50, Oct 28, 2009
Here, busy outward, inward seems far away....however, there must be balance.  In Christian terms & non...called , "tending your own garden".  If you don't spend time with yourself & things you need taken care of, the weeds, etc. will definitely thrive!!!

I heard a long time ago that "women" have lonnnng memories & never forget anything their man did!!!  

I find myself wondering that if Eve ate first from the ?fruit, that she got the major dose of the knowledge of good/evil.  Not sure for sure, but interesting to think about.  Almost everything gets examined.  Look how the newspeople disect every thought/feeling/event....sucking it dry.  We don't have the time to live like that.  If we only live to examine...that becomes our living...then we miss out on lots of things....back to the "balance' word.

I had a hard time deciding what to be...same thing as you listed dani....I was told I would be good doing.  I just say I am a late bloomer now.  Hopefully you will know yourself better before you get to my ripe old!!!


483733 tn?1326798446
by TrudieC, Oct 28, 2009
I have experienced the same thing.  For me it wasn't until I got married my second time in my mid 30's that my husband pointed out that I did too much for others and worried too much.  He taught me to put a little bit of selfish into my life, to stop being a workaholic, and to get some balance.  I have found that if I am happy I do a better job at making others happy.  You will find if you take care of your needs and take time to meditate and relax, that some of the other chatter in your head will reduce.  Good post!

458072 tn?1291415186
by peggy64, Oct 28, 2009
I am still stuck on the part where he asked you what you were thinking. I think this is the first time I have heard of a guy asking a female this question!!

808144 tn?1332724340
by iwouldbdanielle, Oct 28, 2009
ahh, so many people commenting. I feel exposed! lol.

I'm at a loss. I'm trying not to care and let everything flow but it's NOT WORKING.

Trudie, i've been told so many times that it sounds like I've been married, or I was born an adult.

Peggy, Tom and I are really really good friends. We ask random questions just to pass time and that's apparently what he thought of. :] Tommy's my bestieee.

Donna, I love you :D Lol

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