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Frustrated beyond belief!

Jan 13, 2015 - 33 comments

So this is a journal about my bad mood the last couple days. It's kinda long, so bare with me....

It all started Saturday. We'd been out shopping. On our way home, we saw one of DH's buddies. He was walking to the mall when it was really cold and windy, so we offered to give him a ride. DH's friends name is Greg. But his nickname is Porky. And I will explain the nickname in a few.

So I slid over and Greg sat beside me. He then kept going on thanking us for the ride, how he's sitting beside a cutie etc etc...And then literally picked up my hand that was sitting in my lap and put it on his leg right by his knee. I was stunned, and just sat there. Yes my hand was left there for a few moments. I then looked at DH and he gave me a look like "what are you doing?". So I took my hand off, and Greg says "you can put your hand right back there". I did for like literally all of 2 seconds then took it off and pretended to run my fingers through my hair. And yes, looking back hindsight 20/20, I should have taken my hand off right away. But the moment was so awkward, I was shocked.

DH acted a little weird for a little while, but then he was fine. We had sex Saturday night. He was fine all day Sunday, we went out to do some errands etc and had sex Sunday night. But then we had our issue of Preston waking up in the middle of the night and not wanting to go back to sleep. So DH was tired and crabby. And quite frankly, so was I. But those are the moments when he can say mean things. So DH was going on one of his rants about how he hasn't had much sleep, and he's gotta be on the road all day...just his usual BS. But this is where it changes. He starts on about how I care more about making other people happy vs my own family. And that I'd rather touch other men then my own husband. And are you ready for the kicker? This is where he says, "you know that makes you a s lut right?". Yes ladies, he called his own wife a s lut! Then he goes outside for a smoke without saying another word.

He left me completely and utterly speechless. I said not a word when he came back in. I was not going to create a fight at 2 am when Reilly was sleeping and trying to get Preston back to sleep. He went back to bed. As soon as I got Preston back into bed, I grabbed my pillows and blanket and slept on the couch. Didn't say anything to him in the morning, didn't text him, nothing...And even today day 2 of the silent treatment, he's only said maybe a dozen words and they were about the kids. Last night, I was trying to put it out of my head (hard to do, but we can't do this silent treatment forever), when we went to bed I tried to give him a kiss goodnight but he was facing the wall so I couldn't.

Now you have to understand, there is absolutely no interest whatsoever in Greg. And if you saw him, you would understand. The guy is almost twice my age (about 67), about 5'6 or so and weighs I'm guessing about 350 pounds! Does my DH seriously think I'm interested in that?!?!

As far as I'm concerned, calling me a s lut trumps what I did.


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1580318 tn?1550258081
by Shannon79, Jan 13, 2015
And just now...DH gets home from his neurologist appt. I ask him how it went. He said "fine". I ask "what did the Dr say"? He says "a few things". So I say "like what"? And his response is "it doesn't matter". And got nothing after that.

Wow is all I can say. And it's not a good wow

6990909 tn?1435279416
by jugglin, Jan 13, 2015
Wow honey.  While I normally try and see both sides and make peace, I don't think I'm gonna be on his side AT ALL.
Your DH has always seemed to be an overly jealous dude.  Sometimes I wish mine would be just a wee bit jealous, but I am considering myself lucky at this moment that I don't ever have to deal with that crap.  
HE WAS IN THE CAR.
IT WAS HIS FRIEND.
HIS FRIEND INITIATED IT.
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG - I totally get that you were in shock when it happened and in a WTF phase of how to I handle this???
Then, he wasn't all that mad if he could have sex with you - TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW.
And might I just add, my husband would be over the MOON if he ever had sex TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW!
SO, I wish I could tell you how to handle this.  You might calmly try to talk through it.  However, I think he totally owes you an apology and NEVER had a right to be mad much less call the mother of his children a $lut over such a  stupid incident.
I will keep u in my prayers that you don't punch him in the testicles.
Know that you deserve to be respected honey.
Love u girl!

6726276 tn?1421130268
by CRSeaside, Jan 13, 2015
Men!  Just suck it up act as normal as possible. There could be something else bothering him.
  My husbands friend got up from dinner table & while I was at the sink he started pushing his h a r d
Thang against me. Then he did it another time.
I asked my friends if I should tell my husband and they all said yes!
So I told husband. He says, "now why would he do that?"!  And blah blah
Didn't believe me. At that time we had been married 15 yrs.
Men.  I understand you getting mad. He's being wrong. All wrong. Tell him to take it up with fatso.

134578 tn?1546634665
by AnnieBrooke, Jan 13, 2015
Yuck, what a baby he is being.

480448 tn?1426952138
by nursegirl6572, Jan 13, 2015
Oh my!  I too try to always see things from both sides, and I have to say he was WAY out of line.  If he wants to be mad at ANYONE, it should be porky the perverted pig!  Like wth???

Obviously the silent treatment isn't effective, so how about coming right out and telling him how upset and hurt you are by what he said?  As hard as it may be....try to remain calm.  You can even preface it with, "I honestly don't want to fight with you, but this is ridiculous, and we need to talk about it."

Don't try to convince him you're right.  He may somewhere inside realize what an a$$ he was for putting that creepy situation on you and calling you a name, but his pride may not allow him to admit that.  Just simply tell him that you're shocked and very hurt, and for the record, appalled at his "friend's" behavior.

Hope things get better soon honey.  XOXO

2020005 tn?1476662562
by KTowne, Jan 13, 2015
I completely agree with nursegirl, if anyone was out of line, it was his weird friend. And he was wayyyy out of line talking to you like that at all, but crossing it when he calls you names like that. It does sound like something else is bothering him, and as always, its taken out on us at home, I would sit down with him calmly as you can and see what is up, deeper than just his perv friend. Hopefully that will help, but you also need to make it clear to him that he hurt your feelings and its not okay. If he is soooo mad at you for it, I can't believe he didn't lay in to his weird friend, I know I would have!

1742220 tn?1331360327
by meegWpaw, Jan 13, 2015
yes, me too i agree with ng 100%

So sorry this happened, Shannon.

talk about it, get it out in the open.  you did nothing wrong.

love ya!

Meegy

1580318 tn?1550258081
by Shannon79, Jan 14, 2015
Thanks ladies.

So I finally just text him this morning while he was taking Reilly to school. I asked when the silent treatment was gonna end. His response was "are you going to break your promise of cheating again"?

Wtf? I cheated on him?????

I was gonna say something back, but I bit my tongue and shut up. All I said was no. I'm sorry. So he says "do something like that again and we're done".



480448 tn?1426952138
by nursegirl6572, Jan 14, 2015
OMG.  I cannot even believe that.  I'm so sorry Shannon.  He's delusional.  

5986700 tn?1380794980
by spider6, Jan 14, 2015
Hey shanny, I don't know if this "cheating accusation" is a real thing or did he just say that?  Doesn't matter really cuz to me "IMO", you've got yourself a very insecure little ego there in DH, and when he says things like he did, it's crossing boundaries.  He feels threatened whether it's "Porky Pr*cks" fault or not.  .....the having sex with you thing afterward to me is like, "marking his territory", my gf did this after she found out her DH was f*cking someone else. She NEVER had sex with her DH before that......then all of a sudden it was like WOAH!  ...that didn't last long though.  

My hubbub and I just got through a huge thing similar.......he knows I would NEVER do anything with this friend but it still p*sses him off to see the other guy even look at me.....the last big one...."that f*cking guy getting all dickie-dooed up to come see MY wife!!!" ......jeeeeeeesus, really???  Jerk!  

I dont know what to say for advice though,  I'm just learning myself this last year out of the fog that my hubbub is NOT who I "illusioned" to be.  He's very fragile ego wise, but comes off like some tough know it all!

Try and nip in the bud chickie so it doesn't escalate.  Feel for ya and sending positive vibes. Hugs.

Avatar universal
by ribaby15, Jan 14, 2015
F*ck.
Apparently it's the season for A-Holes to come out of hiding!!
Sorry you're dealing with this Shannon :(


2020005 tn?1476662562
by KTowne, Jan 14, 2015
Delusional is the best word for that, that's absolutely ridiculous.

2020005 tn?1476662562
by KTowne, Jan 14, 2015
Delusional is the best word for that, that's absolutely ridiculous.

2020005 tn?1476662562
by KTowne, Jan 14, 2015
Opps, apparently mh agreed lol, sorry for the double post!

1580318 tn?1550258081
by Shannon79, Jan 14, 2015
Spidey I have never cheated on this man. Ever! He really did text me back and say that though about the cheating.

I'm sitting here shaking my head though cause now he's acting like nothing happened. I haven't hugged, kissed or said I love you to him though.

He really should know that I'd never cheat him. He really does have a fragile ego and it breaks very easy. And huge jealousy issues. It feels like there are days I walk on eggshells so as not to hurt his ego.

Yes ribaby it seems like there are @ssholes everywhere.

It was really difficult to bite my tongue though. There was sooooo many things I could have said. But you know the saying "sometimes it's better to surrender then always be right". Wait that's not how it goes, but it's something like that.

I'm glad I have all you ladies

6990909 tn?1435279416
by jugglin, Jan 14, 2015
Yes, biting your tongue is not a bad idea girl. No reason to make it worse. However, also remember you did nothing wrong so you have nothing to apologize for either.
I'm sorry honey that you are dealing with this.:(

1580318 tn?1550258081
by Shannon79, Jan 14, 2015
It has been so incredibly weird today....

He went out to pick up Reilly from school and came home with a dozen roses. And I've never seen him so affectionate.

It almost seems like he thought he was gonna lose me.

Oh G I know I did nothing wrong. But I'm not gonna say something and make it worse

134578 tn?1546634665
by AnnieBrooke, Jan 14, 2015
I don't know, Shannon.  This can't go on forever.  He is delusional like everyone says, and it is not reality to plan to walk on eggshells for the rest of your life to stay with someone like this.  Maybe you could go talk to a counselor or therapist, even a minister if you have one.  This guy is into controlling you by acting insane and making you fearful by doing so.

973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Jan 14, 2015
Well, I'm glad he's being contrite.  I would do two things.  A. tell him you have no intentions of ever cheating and that it hurts your feelings that he'd doubt you and B. come up with a plan for him along with you to tell that weirdo friend that he needs to know that was unacceptable.  That it was VERY rude to your husband and you reacted out of shock and that he is not to ever cross the line again in any way.  

good luck and hope it mends soon

Avatar universal
by Amandag78, Jan 14, 2015
Hey girl, im sorry you and your husband are having a difficuilt time atm : )
I must say, your better than me in these situations, i just cant shut my mouth no matter how much i try when im pissed at Chris.
Anyway, your beautiful and im glad he bought you roses, so he should xxx

1571146 tn?1399913292
by Moma_Cher, Jan 14, 2015
Sorry babes... This situation *****! Idek what to say that hasn't already been said other than you are a beautiful, intelligent compassionate woman who deserves the very best. I really hope he sees just how lucky he is and NEVER pulls something like this again.

p.s.- I would think since it was HIS friend that HE should've said something to porky about BACKING OFF!! your husband should be your protector not accuser. (((hugs)))

Avatar universal
by TTinKKerBBell, Jan 14, 2015
I wonder if Hubby is feeling insecure because You did not remove Your hand immediately as You "sat there and left Your hand there for a few moments" (how long is "a few moments"?).  Hubby gave You a look like "what are You doing?" so You took Your hand off. Did You remove Your hand because Your Husband gave You "a look"?
and then Greg said "You can put Your hand right back there" and You did !!??  

Your Husband should be willing to have a conversation with You about this but that being said I think it's understandable that He would be upset - I'm sure He would have liked You to have removed Your hand immediately - like as if Gregs leg had been a hot poker - and I'm real sure He's not happy that Your returned Your hand to that place when Greg said You could put Your hand back. (I'm even wondering - why would You do that?)

The first thing I would do is lose Greg as a friend and I think the incident merits a conversation between You and Hubby.  Maybe He just wants reassurance.

GoodLuck



Avatar universal
by TTinKKerBBell, Jan 14, 2015
I wonder if Hubby is feeling insecure because You did not remove Your hand immediately as You "sat there and left Your hand there for a few moments" (how long is "a few moments"?).  Hubby gave You a look like "what are You doing?" so You took Your hand off. Did You remove Your hand because Your Husband gave You "a look"?
and then Greg said "You can put Your hand right back there" and You did !!??  

Your Husband should be willing to have a conversation with You about this but that being said I think it's understandable that He would be upset - I'm sure He would have liked You to have removed Your hand immediately - like as if Gregs leg had been a hot poker - and I'm real sure He's not happy that Your returned Your hand to that place when Greg said You could put Your hand back. (I'm even wondering - why would You do that?)

The first thing I would do is lose Greg as a friend and I think the incident merits a conversation between You and Hubby.  Maybe He just wants reassurance.

GoodLuck



134578 tn?1546634665
by AnnieBrooke, Jan 14, 2015
Thing is, Tinker, as women we are not trained to either expect the worst or to rock the boat.  If she was not expecting Porky to make such an overt move, she might not even have seen it coming, and at first wasn't thinking of it as a move at all.  We're trained to do what guys ask us to do, especially if Porky was being all jovial and pretend-friendly.  It is just too bad that she couldn't have said to Mr. Jealous later, "Sheez, did you see what Porky did?  I couldn't even believe it was happening at first." Don't blame her.  Rape victims are always beating themselves up, saying things like "I shouldn't have gotten in the car with him" and stuff, but really, women are socialized to be nice and not to expect the worst of men, so it takes a few moments to get one's lech antennae up.  Like one of the other ladies said, she was reacting out of shock.  We don't see what we are not prepared for, at least at first.  I think her husband calling her a cheater because of it, and giving her the silent treatment for days, was insulting, wrong, juvenile, and controlling -- WAY out of line for the situation.

1118302 tn?1422498761
by yoha919, Jan 15, 2015
porky was inappropriate and seems like you and dh should stay away... who has that much comfort on another man's wife, he has no respect towards you and peeing on your husbands bush you can say... totally abnormal behavior... you husband should of spoken up if he's going to throw that in the face later like a child... I would say it's something harsh to say but guys are boneheads and probably is the type of person who doesn't control their emotional impulses. I am like that too and I am trying to change that. Speak to him calmly and express your situation with porky and never be alone in the same room with him EVER!

1118302 tn?1422498761
by yoha919, Jan 15, 2015
porky was inappropriate and seems like you and dh should stay away... who has that much comfort on another man's wife, he has no respect towards you and peeing on your husbands bush you can say... totally abnormal behavior... you husband should of spoken up if he's going to throw that in the face later like a child... I would say it's something harsh to say but guys are boneheads and probably is the type of person who doesn't control their emotional impulses. I am like that too and I am trying to change that. Speak to him calmly and express your situation with porky and never be alone in the same room with him EVER!

Avatar universal
by TTinKKerBBell, Jan 15, 2015
You've misunderstood  I don't think Shannon did anything wrong.  I suggested what Her Husband might have felt.  I'm not sure everyone should exactly be annoyed with Him.  Men are funny that way.  Maybe He just needs some loving up and reassurance.  And I agree Hubby should certainly address this with Greg!!

1580318 tn?1550258081
by Shannon79, Jan 15, 2015
Thank you all ladies for your input.

I'm still a little baffled about the whole scenario, but we're working through it.

I knew from the start that he had a jealous streak in him. But it's gotten better over the years. He's been hurt in previous relationships, so he's pretty guarded. But he!l who hasn't? I've been cheated on, lied too, been used for sex. I have my scars too, but I don't let them dictate my life. He needs to learn how to deal with old wounds.

But I never in a million years saw this coming. So I had no idea how to handle the situation. And tinkerbell you could definitely be right on that being his line of thinking.

So if this ever happens again, which I hope to hell not I will be more prepared and will act accordingly. And yes he shouls definitely have a chat with Porky also. Cause if it wasn't for him being in the truck that day, none of this sh!t would have happened

296076 tn?1371338074
by melimeli, Jan 15, 2015
He must of been really tired

2083449 tn?1381358308
by Sonrissa, Jan 15, 2015
Hey Shannon,  I'm sorry I'm really late to this party, and I have not read all of the replies.  My humble opinion is that your Hubby should be upset at Porky! I think he should have told Porky, man to man, keep your effffing hands off of my wife! Porky is the one who started this whole thing, right?  Also, have you considered that maybe, just maybe Porky told your hubby, or implied to him that something more happened? Men, again just my opinion, love to brag and exaggerate a bit. Could something like that be possible?

I hope at some point you can have an honest discussion about this situation.  Wishing you the best!

1580318 tn?1550258081
by Shannon79, Jan 15, 2015
Hey rissa no worries.

I suppose anything is possible cause he does have coffee with porky in the morning. But DH was there and saw what happened. So not sure how that would be possible. But hey this is a crazy, f*cked up world we live in and God only knows what's possible anymore

2006473 tn?1422036901
by Mrs_teddy_bear, Jan 15, 2015
Personally, I think your DH could use a good therapist to help him work through those previous relationship issues and you guys could go to therapy together and discuss things openly.

I don't believe it is the case here but studies have shown that when a spouse accuses another spouse of something like cheating it is usually because of a guilty conscience.



1580318 tn?1550258081
by Shannon79, Jan 15, 2015
That thought had crossed my mind Mrs, but I don't believe that's the case.

A therapist may not be a bad idea. Something to consider

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