I am still here tram free. feeling a little better. I dont post much from home cuz it is easier for me to do it from work. still achy and not sleeping, but i am moving around more today. i wish it would stop raining here. mother in law offered me some pain meds last night cuz i felt so crummy but i refused. that has to count for something. i was sure as hell tempted tho. will write more later. gotta try to clean some.
Hey all, new here, been taking tramadol for about 7 years now. Never got into really high amounts although i had days. I normally keep it to 2 in the morning, 2 later in the day, and maybe 1 before bed. I have been trying to shake the habit as this is my last real drug dependency, attempted cold turkey, didn't work out so well. Felt like my legs were made of lead, had zero energy, couldn't get up and moving in the morning, and i had what seemed to be full blown allergies (don't know if this was related to the tramadol, or just something the tramadol covered up) lots of sneezing and clogged nose etc... and i get crazy legs at night, like i cannot sleep because i feel like my legs will not get comfortable so i keep moving them.
Anyways been reading through the info both here and on the net, just curious if anyone had any advice on making this easier without using other pills. As it stands now i am just gonna take 2 at a time, as needed like when the restless legs start, and try to space out, maybe two a day, then 1, then 1 every other. Wish i wouldn't have let this get so bad.
Pollyanna..LOL...I am back from the mid-west wow. It was a very different kind of get-away. I had gone to visit my grandparents in Iowa, and my grandmother and grandfather who um...have like oh....600 achres ( sp??) of farm land, its beans and corn. They used to do hogs, and tons of cattle, but the state paid them "not" to farm for a while.
They--both had strokes soooo, my mother and I went to visit.
I need to talk about a couple things, Iam Jeff??Is it?? I can relate to the wrong person, even though I had-have boyfriend ( were still workin on it) I went to my ex-husband as well to have some assistance with detoxing. Simply, I knew he cared enough about me and would hold me accountable..
I need to fess up to something. I was in Iowa, when I got to my grandparents house the long drive from Omaha, feeling worried, sad, anxious, not knowing what to expect, still down as everything about boyfriend issues. When my mother and I got there, it was different then just 4 years ago. SOO, much changed in four years. My cute sweet athletic little farm grandma, has a cane she does not like to use. She waddled over hugged, and my grandfather had a pacemaker put in. He seemed to be taking care of her mostly. Life has changed sooo much for them in the last four years, I am only a month and going on two weeks Tram-free. However, after a long night of crying, crying, realizing my boyfriend and I are probably not compatable, my grandma may or may not last till I see her again, thinking of mortality, my own mom and dad. I was so incredibly sad, I snuck all over and for two days took percs again. I was soo, desperate, and scared, and didnt want to let my mom or grandma see my sadness or fear., or hopelessness, I missed my ex, I was so scared that my grandma would not recognise me. She can barely speak which Im not sure is selective mutism or the strokes. I kept crying, searching like a cougar hunting for prey, I used those stinking, ( yeah um, borrowed) Like I said Id never do. I just had this feeling of doom that I thought in the middle of Iowa, without any family of my own life seemed so-fragile. I did this for about two days. Then, one morning quit. I have promised myself, my God, the people who took me to the cabin, and "YOU GUYS" I will never give up.
I feel like I really, failed myself, I am soo tempted and desperate to just ( like we fool ourselves) once in a while, do this when I get intensly worried, ( about her dieing the inevitable) about my bf, relationships, my ability to accomplish things I used to.I dont want to fail, I have in the past been one of those people who grabs onto the caboose of the train right as its leaving, because I have putmy head down, covered my eyes, took a pill and prayed like hell for any answer, any at all. I know my mom and I have had our issues, and there is some anxiety issues in my family.
What I hope to do, is learn from this But I had to COME CLEAN, because although a month and a week Tram-free took soo muchwork, I dont want to EVER--Ever, fool myself into thinking IM ok now. This is a life long battle, I went on like 7---10 to 12 Mile runs--hard ones out in the corn fields!!!!! I was full of fear.
I need some support. I am sorry for my weakness, I can only get back on. And come up with some tools and skills for temptations like these, I love talking here. And my support system is good. I will stay put for a few months for sure. But I feel very fragile, Anyway my mom and I spent the whole time, carting my grandparents to Drs. appts, therapy, activities, helping grandma with her excercizes maybe this wasnt the "best" time to go do this for Polly who is detoxing after a year. ButI did not want to regret not getting to see her in case. It was one of the hardest things, ..Sorry to keep babbling.
I think I need some advice on tools, skills, for temptations like this. I have a counseling apt on tuesday, and another one on next tuesday. I do have alot of spunky emotions, if there was some ( non-narc) type of anxiety thing that worked from time to time Id do it. For me now this war is very,very,very, PSYCHOLOGICAL....I want to push myself, but when ever I do I get overwhelmed. Hmmm. I sound like spongebob all dried out.
Please help with any ideas. Im back to my fifth week of working on figuring out what to use as tools to keep me straight, at some point I wish my focus werent to narrow. Has to be for now..Fred...Um any ideas?
Hope all are well, JQ25--dont know if I got that name right, Um I did 100mgs then off. So 50 is I would gues even better. All I know is tapering DOES help.There is no way all around the wd. But it sounds like your on the right track.
Im goin, for a loong, run I have a half marathon coming up......I need it..
Any ideas welcome.Im working very hard to stay focused..YOU all are too, good luck!!!!God BLess!!!!
Hang on in there!!!
I am confused where to post, there are so many pages on Tramadol here..... ?
My first post in this thread, I need advice on my situation!
I got a prescription for Tramadol for back pain and restless nights and slight anxiety about a year ago.
When I first took it, it was like, WOW, I feel NORMAL again. My muscles no longer were tense.
Unlike other drugs and alcohol for me, taking more did NOT make me feel better!!!
I even found I can break the pills in half !
I have been taking 1/2 a pill spread out about 3 times a day and feeling normal.
I RECENTLY HAD MY BACK WORKED ON AND IT FEELS GREAT SO I STOPPED TAKING THE TRAMADOL.
But now I am fidgety, antsy, tired and don't feel like doing anything. My outlook on life is worrisome and my skin feels like I am getting the flu.
Is my low dosage appropriate?
Things to try besides vitamins?
Polly,Good to see you post and just because you had a little stumble does not mean you will or have to drop out of the race.If you can run 6 or 7 miles a day,you can see this thing through.Glad to see that you are back on the right path and still going forward.A lot of us are facing aging parents who are sick,senile or close to death.It is part of life and one has to accept these things without feeling guilt.It is good that you and your mother have been there for your grandparents in the last few weeks.Perhaps helping them will make your resolve stronger and make you realize how valuable a person you are and will take your mind off some of your worries.Fred did say that an important step in his healing was in helping others by volunteering or whatever and you can be so busy helping gram and gramps and feeling needed that you may be distracted from the tough part of withdrawal.You have come so very far and you must have enormous inner strength to run so far.I would be quitting after 1/4 mile,but you must be able to block out the pain and keep going for so far.You go girl and we missed you while you were gone.Welcome back and post as much as you need to.
Polly- You did the right thing by being honest. The more honest you can be in general, the better you'll feel. At least that's the way I am. I know from experience that it's too easy to substitute various addictions...pills for other pills, food, alcohol. There is always something. The best thing I've noticed is to fill that empty, scared space with healthier stuff. Mainly through reaching out and talking to or helping others. I think that's why AA works. Also, in programs like that you have the steps that give some order to all the things we need to work on. You sound like you have the weight of the world running through your mind and I get that because I do it too. Sometimes we just have to breathe and let go.
Keith- I'm working on getting off tramadol. As you found, it's not easy. It seems like you're on a low enough dose, you should push through and stop while you can. The flu like symptoms are the withdrawal. I think the SSRI component of tramadol is the hardest part...that's what is making you feel good I suspect. The others can tell you about things to do to make withdrawal more bearable. I'm still working on it.
HELP URGENTLY REQUIRED
‘Ashamed’ as I am (I thought twice) I will go ahead with this post as I have always been able to tell the truth without a conscience and without going behind anybody’s back. That in itself takes a lot of pressure off during vulnerable times. As I said, I am ashamed, but also disappointed in myself and basically panicking because I am at rock bottom.
To be brief (I’m writing this at midnight & in a very bad condition and extremely vulnerable). Those who have been following I have just gone through the 4/5/6 day war (whatever). I meticulously planned for every event and went through in great style. I was so pleased. I had no urge at all to reach for the Tram during. I expected each day after to be tough, but able to look back at what I thought was as good effort. I am 9 or so days post last Tram. I am at about the same stage as ‘notsosunny’ & sharing commiserations! Sleep was of course, a big problem. I was concerned that if I didn’t get sleep things would crumble.
I found 2 long release Tramadol capsules deep in my cupboard. And, Yes, (now ashamedly) took them just to get some sleep. It worked – I had a good night’s sleep – wonderful! Plus the fact (no excuse really – a long standing colleague of mine died of Leukaemia 2 days ago). However, and this is the crunch of the uncertainty of what to do now & what will happen.
Me now today: .... extremely weak, emotional, and incapable of knowing how to get out of this. I have all the symptoms of about day 2 of c/t. My gut; main problem leaving me physically & mentally weak (& to repeat, I had been so damn strong!!!) I cannot go back to the Doc and have him say ‘I told you so’. Those around me have suffered today & they don’t deserve the **** I have dealt. I am presuming that the Tram I took after 8/9days has caused this huge upset which in no way did I envisage. If those pills have caused this, then once again it highlights the extreme potential of this poison.
So to keep this a bit shorter I will ask some questions that I hope will help me scrape myself back up.
• Am I back to square 1 – do I have to set my stall out and go for another cold turkey 4 days. (I am in no way as resolute if this is the case – I mean can I do it!?)
• The fact that I have little Tram through the c/t stage will I get away with a lighter sentence ...... OR will it be worse – More intense?
• My Doc warned me: “I cannot condone this action – people who go c/t and falter rebound to a greater addiction.” If you see what I mean. He said categorically, because I had done my own thing, he would not prescribe any more Tramadol. Didn’t bother me at the time – but it does now !
• Do I go back to 50mg and take it from there?
• OR do I take “nothing” and face the consequences?
I really don’t want to fail now; for many reasons that will affect my life, I cannot afford to – especially when I had done so well & been so near.
I am truly thankful for the support and advice you people have given me (no doubt why I got through c/t so well). Please, please you experienced, knowledgeable, and medically aware & ‘sensiblepeople’ come forth with your advice, views, support – anything that will get me back on these rails
Keith..I have to comment..Your picture is gorgeous..You are a handsome young man with probably a bright future ahead of you.I keep reminding everyone that I had it a little easier because I was not addicted to trams or benzos or sleeping pills,just codeine ie Tylenol #3.I was taking them for rheumatoid arthritis pain,but decided that I was looking forward to the high rather than the pain relief and quit after tapering for about 2 weeks.I still had all the withdrawals but no real depression.I could have let myself get depressed over the fact that I no longer had that high and boost to look forward to when I quit,but I just put all that out of my mind and determined that I wanted to be clean way more than I wanted that high.I still want to be clean more than get that short fleeting high and have stayed so for approx 6 weeks.After the initial rebound pain subsided I have been able to control my pain with non prescription pain meds.All narcotics and tramadol is one as well cause a rebound pain that is worse than the original pain it was taken for.Take b12 1000mcg under the tongue and omegas and vitamin d and lots of gatorade and soak in epsom salts.All these things lessen the withdrawals.It is definitely the antidepressant effect of tramadol that is hard to withdraw from.I just feel like I am bragging because I actually feel very little pain now.You really have to have your mind made up about which direction you want to go.
TrammannYou sound like you are consumed with guilt.GET OVER THE GUILT...pick yourself up and get back on the horse..Don't let 2 little pills ruin what you have accomplished.You have learned a valuable lesson that progress is not linear as Fred says and as long as you get back on track everything will be OK.You will make it and as I said 2 steps forward and 1 step back is still forward.Fred would tell you to declare an all out war against this enemy.Feel anger not guilt and whack this foe to kingdom come.My thoughts and prayers are with youJust prove that doctor and everyone wrong and keep fighting.
Tramman: I'm not sure if those couple pills started your clock completely over, but I am sure that you already know this is a monster you can beat. After all, you did it for 9 days already. Just dust off your knees and take another run at it. You can't change the past, so try to put it away as unhelpful. Avoid drugs for the next minute only and let all other minutes take care of themselves. Those two pills you took were only two compared to all the pills you didn't take over 9 days (and all those you can avoid over the next 9 and the next 9 . . . ). Don't give up and live down to the doc's expectations.
Hillbilly said much the same thing as I said.Those 2 pills will not derail your healing unless you let them.I am sorry for your friend's death and something sad can weaken your resolve and make it harder to keep going.But hey...you can do it and you will do it and we will here for you.
Tramman~let go of the guilt. you can do this. dont be ashamed. -e are all human here and we all love you. just stay off the trams. i think the withdrawals wont be so bad. tommorrow os my day 4 and i feel pretty good tonight minus spme fatigue and mind zaps. you can do this.
Tramman- Relapse happens. If it didn't, then there wouldn't be any addicts. One thing I've learned from various quits is to make sure I never have easy access. If those weren't the last two, then you have to clear the rest out of your house. This is just how we are. Well, I should speak for myself. I've heard people say on here that they can keep pills around and not use them, but I'm not one of those people (unless tramadol is somehow different than every other substance I've met).
I'm no expert, but you had most of the drug out of your system, so I doubt two pills will be a huge physical setback. This is a mental thing. I don't mean you aren't having withdrawal, but I doubt it will be so severe. What your doctor said isn't true for everyone.
For me, the best thing to do is be honest before I use. I am going to post prior to using when I stop because that's what's worked for me in the past. What if you had posted about those two pills? People would have written lots of great stuff, then you'd probably get rid of them. I think it's awesome that you came back though. You've taken the first step and not continued down the road of abuse. Just stay on here, keep posting and hang in there. I think we all get it and have been there in someway. Thank you for leading the way for those of us trying to stop.
I had my 100mg ER today and that's it. I feel like ****, but I'm managing. Honestly, I'm ready for Thursday and to stop. The joy of this drug is gone.
Try to remember that the joy is pretty gone for all of us with this substance or we wouldn't be here.
I think the thing we all need to remember is progress not perfection - this is one of the most difficult things we will all battle in our life - we wouldn't need each other if this were easy.
When we slip - we brush our self off, put our hand out for help and keep on moving forward. We learn a lot in life from our slips.
Tramman, Polly and anyone else who has or may go through this part of recovery - be gentle with yourself - none of us are going to do this perfectly - what we need to remember is that as long as we keep fighting, keep moving forward - you will win the war.
Hang in there!
Hello everyone. Tramman, you did the best thing possible by reaching out to this board about the tramadol. I promise you that everyone on this board knows what you are going thru and you didn't derail your chances at all. I am on day 10 today and it seems like today was one of the worst and best. I have felt terrible today and didn't sleep any last night but I also had more fun with my children than I have had in months. The tram truly makes you a different person than you are. I want to be myself again and I know I can do it and I know everyone else can do it as well. I have been watching Gladiator on blue-ray every night for the last few nights and I know this may sound cheesy but we are all Gladiators fighting for our very lives. I am going to win this fight. I couldn't have done it without this board.
Tramman999.....don't feel guilty...we all stumble one time or another in one way or another ....just pick yourself up and move on forward. All will get better. That's what you want and it is what you will get.
I have read so many past letters/journals from everyone. Looking back into the previuos journals has been a God send for me. Everybody describing exactly what I have been going through has lifted a great burden off me.
I have a question I read in a letter in this thread the mention of SSRI in Tramadol. I am assuming it's a seratonin inhibitor and I think I know but maybe I don't .....anyway.
JG525 you said", I think the SSRI component of tramadol is the hardest part...that's what is making you feel good I suspect."
Please explain further....I am not sure I am getting what you are saying.
Another question I had is.....when I was on Tramadol and up to 6 to 8 a day I started getting this very anxious feelings here and there. Drive me crazy! Kinda manic paranoia at a point. Anyone have this sensation while taking them?
I know everyone is different....but when do these dizzy feelings go away? I don't have them continually ....they come and go.
It's strange ....I don't think I had them yesterday .....I know I had the day before though.
I am a pretty strong person....but yesterday was something else. My tool bucket felt 3 times heavier as I was doing some chores.
One other thing I noticing in my withdrawal is every now and then my jaw hurts....guess I am clamping my teeth together.
I am assuming this is normal.
I sure love having you all here to help me. Thanks
moving on up to higher ground where I can see again.
"Kinda manic paranoia at a point. Anyone have this sensation while taking them? "
Oh, yes! I remember it very well. It was terrible. Actually, those manic, anxious periods were just as bad to me as the lows.
Part of the terrible physical withdrawal is due to tramadol's effects on our serotonin levels. Much like Paxil, Prozac and other antidepressants, this drug acts on our neurotransmitters in really complex ways (ways I do not profess to fully understand). Some of the folks here have a lot of info on how and why. For me, it was enough to know that the dizziness and other nervous system effects were probably due partly to this. At least I wasn't scared by it when it came around. I had experienced something similar to tramadol WD many years ago when I stopped taking Paxil cold turkey without consulting my doctor. I had no idea then what I was doing. Luckily, I made it through without major problems. The discontinuation syndrome was sort of like tramadol withdrawal scaled down to about 1/10,000 in intensity. But I recognized many of the same sensations, only amplified in huge ways when I quit tram.
Dear Warriors, I am proud of ALL of us for what we are doing. Let us never get discouraged by any momentary setbacks or perceived "failures"...the only real failure is to give up completely. Be strong. Fight on. No matter what, Fight On.
Good morning warriors. last night was my first totally sleepless night even tho i took some melatonin and valerian. not goin in to work and still have fever. need to go to the doc to get a note for bein off today since i was off friday. maybe i really have the flu?
Good morning everyone.It seems the sleepless nights are the absolute worst symptoms of withdrawal.We all need our sleep both to escape from the symptoms and also to regenerate our bodies.I have a suggestion that may help,but I am apprehensive about suggesting it because it in itself can be habit forming...not truly addicting.In Canada we have a cold med called nyquil that does not contain a decongestant but does contain tylenol,dextromethorphan and doxylamine.The dm is a very very mild narcotic that only suppresses the cough center in the brain,doxylamine is an antihistamine that causes drowsiness and of course tylenol helps pain and fever.The liquid dose contains alcohol,but the gelcaps do not.I took this a couple of nights during withdrawal and it helped me get thru the night.I believe the dm is just enough weak narcotic to soothe the narcotic receptors and the doxylamine helps sleep.Imodium is also a very weak narcotic analog that only works on opiate receptors in the gut.Anyway if such a product is available for you perhaps it will help.There is always the problem of it being habit forming.You can not take DM if you are taking MAO inhibitor antidepressant.Taking this can not be any worse than taking a benzo.I only needed it a couple of nights and am now at day 40 something.
I have to stress do not get the one with decongestant in it.The only ingredients should be acetaminophen,doxylamine,dextromethorphan.The decongestant raises blood pressure,heart rate and may keep you awake.
Hey guys, its good to see everyone doing well and staying strong. Went to PA this weekend for a wedding and pretty much stuck to my tapering schedule except for 1 more pill, so 3 both days. But that was just to help with the runs so i wasnt "running" to the bathroom every 5 seconds at the wedding. Other than that, I am going to class tomorrow night and then i am going CT. Last night i didnt take one before bed at all, and i slept through the night, so there definitely is hope for that. I get that anxious feeling whenever i havent had a tram for a while, and that is the hardest part for me. And of course the not sleeping. The nights are lonnnngggg when you cant sleep and you feel like you are the only one in the world who isnt sleeping right now. This is such a mind trip its unbelievable but everyone needs to remember that person you were when you werent on these damn devil drugs and how much you want to get back to being that person. And everyone can! including me!
My gf the other day asked me if I was going to be different when I was off of these things? And I said of course I am, I am going to be me again. But then she said, well you fell in love with me when you were on them (she didnt know at the time) so are you still going to feel the same way after you get off of them? I was taken aback at the question, I mean i wasnt taking tram to get high, i was just taking them to not go through withdrawals. Then I thought about it for a second and said, "The drug is not me. I am still in here, the drug just takes away most of my emotions. but it does not take away my heart or my soul. Those things the drug cannot touch." And its true if you think about it, I havent been sad, or depressed, or really angry about much the last couple years, like alot of people say, like a zombie. But All those emotions were implanted in you by God and given to you for a reason, so you need to experience those emotions to go through the learning stages of life. We learn from depression on how not to be depressed in the same way about the same thing. Sadness is an absolutely NORMAL emotion to feel when things are down. and Anger is so normal and I feel i should be angry about things sometimes. All of these emotions that i have suppressed for the past 2 years have blocked me from learning anything about myself and from growing as a person. And I look forward to the day that i can feel again and learn from my feelings!!
Tomorrow I go CT so i look forward to joining you Booba and pharma, and tramman, and hillbilly and all you others that have been so influential in changing my opinion on this damned DEVIL DRUG!!! Be strong everyone and you will get through it. I know i will, I am going to flush today and keep only for tomorrow and then that is all my friends.
I think what might be a good idea if you guys have AIM or AOL instant messenger, same thing i know, give out your screennames and if some of us are having a rough night, maybe just sign on and talk in real time to help people get through the times of the sleepless nights or depressing days. Anyone up for that? just in case, iam GreatWhiteHump on AOL. haha yes i know crazy name, but iam the original. Love you all and God Bless!
thanks for the sleep tips. i will try that. i dont have aim or aol. i do all of this on my phone cuuz my modem broke on our comp. and it is not in our budget to get a new one right now. i am giving up on sleep for today. i hjave tried but my 4 years old will be up soon and then no one will be sleeping....lol. ttyl......
This is 12 hours after my cry for help posting.
You are all so good! What you all say hits the nails on the spot. I do have a tendency to feel 'guilt' very easily & of course it doesn't help. I have not had any Trams - stayed in bed this morning & so far I am not feeling too bad. After reading all your replies (& notes) above I am 'lifted'. And Yes, you are all correct - this process is not linear. I am continuing to fight on. I may have made it a bit tougher on myself, but I have to carry on.
Many, many thanks for your uplifting advice and support. I will keep posting. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
booba iam so happy to see you in good spirits despite the not sleeping. I couldnt imagine trying to go CT with children or a wife. That sounds wayy to hard for me to deal with. But good luck getting sleep later. Try to nap. And hang in there. I am 5 days behind you but will be joining you tomorrow!!!
Twanghead- I have learned most of that about the SSRI or SNRI component of Tramadol here, but if you look at Wikipedia and Tramadol, it talks about it. Sorry, I'm sure others can send you to more scientific sites. Tramadol acts partly like an opiate, which it is, and partly like an SSRI or SNRI (sorry, I get them confused). I think the reason Tramadol is so compelling to me is because of the anti-depressant effect. For me, I never got sleepy, dopey or out of it as I would have with vicodin- those things make me want to veg out. That isn't something I seek. I always got energy from Tramadol. This seems to be a common thread here. I assume this is either from the anti-depressant componant or the combo of that and the opiate.
I don't know if you've ever had withdrawal from an anti-depressant, but I find it to be similar. Particularly, the brain freezes, feeling sick and out of it. It's pretty miserable. As mentioned above, this is especially bad if you just stop an AD cold turkey.
I've been through AD withdrawal and I'm also on one now. So, anyway that's my story. I don't think I knew about that property of tramadol until I came here. Just knew the withdrawal felt the same. I only wish my AD made me feel that good! Of course, it's always a trade off :).
Greatwhite- I can understand your girlfriend's comments. People often get scared when someone makes a big change getting clean. Also, if you haven't taken tramadol, it's hard to understand how it's so addictive, but yet doesn't really produce the high you get from other drugs. My husband has never done any drugs, even smoked pot, so I'm sure he doesn't "get it." He's been super supportive though. It sounds like you have a great girlfriend. I always prepare my husband for the worst. I told him this weekend and maybe week will be pretty bad, but that things should be okay after that. Poor guy. Right after we started dating, about 4 years ago, I injured my back, then I quit smoking and drinking, then I went off one anti-depressant for awhile, then I had a thyroid problem and now this! Ack. By the time I'm off all of my medications, I'll be ready to get pregnant LOL. I'll never be "normal" without wacky hormones or something LOL.
I'm down to one ER pill a day and feel okay. Got draggy yesterday, but took my klonopin, melatonin and valerian (hope this is ok) to sleep! And slept well.
i want to try the klonopin to sleep but am scared to get addicted to that too. i never tske benzos but my mom gave me some a long time ago. i have to get some sleep before going back to work. will prolly try the nyquil first.
Booba- I've been on Klonopin for sleep without night terrors for years, so I'm just taking what I'm used to. If you can avoid starting on it, I probably would. That said a couple of nights probably won't hurt. I've never found any joy in taking it, but others do, so just be careful and never take over whatever dose is recommended. Probably .5mg if you've never taken it...maybe even .25 if you can get by with it.
I really hate being at work on this low dose. I miss the alert feeling, frankly, I miss the entertainment of taking the pill. Not that it did that much for me. Bleck. I realize this is a larger symptom of job dissatisfaction, but it *****.
Just from personal experience, booba, I'd recommend trying to sleep without any prescription meds if you can avoid them. If its not something you were already prescribed (as with Jenny), you run the risk of it becoming a replacement.
I am taking an all natural sleeping pill that i got from GNC with valerian in it, as well as having a valerian tea before i go to bed and so far, its been pretty well. Today I think iam officially quitting tram, i took one this morning, but for the first time i didnt take one last night before i slept. And I DID SLEEP! So if i can stay off the tram for the rest of the day, i will be so excited. I am also going to attempt to tell my family today about my addiction, so wish me luck with that.
Good morning everyone, well a bit has gone by since my ("BUMP") in the road, and the week is beginning anew, I actually feel pretty good about really digging my heels in because Im mad as a hornet that I did that. But yeah yeah, I was in a difficult ,sad, depressing situaion. ( this sounds like an excuse and it is) But my point is I got back to Oregon and immediately began to research on the idea of maintenence after detox. We all know detox is the first part. Then all the psycholigical games begin. I found some web-sites on what it means to be detoxing-in treatment-and in recovery.
after reading all this I realized Im in the "treatment" part and by no means am I even close to recovered. But thats ok. I found some scientific info on what it means to be in treatment, the "Process" It has to do with getting together a box of tools for this part of the game, the physical part There is a therapy we used to use when I was a counselor in a treatment center, and it had to do with reward-systems. Breaking habits, you cant just detox yourself then throw yourself back out into the world. You have to come up with the same preparations you do for the detox part. That was my huge mistake, I am now immediately gathering information, on this place called, "SMART RECOVERY" it is secular, and although Im christian I think it will help me understand the Psychological games.. I thank EVEYONE for there support. Im getting right back on the horse. And in meetings they also said to take 30 days to recover, work on yourself, learn, read, get creative about your new lifestyle without these ( pills) I had forgotten that the treating myself after was all part of the deal..SHEZZ.
So I am talking to my cabin people, about this, telling you all, so that I can be honest about where I am. I think breaking the habit of wanting to escape awful scary feelings like helping my grandmother with her dressing, and feeling so sad. wanting so much for her to get better. Wishing Id made better choices with my boyfriend. There will always be something in life that will give me an excuse to try to numb it out.
I will not live that way
I WILL NOT,
I dont care if I had to work overtime, and run a marathon, (which I never have)
So I am going into month two, I want to see what I can find out about learning different strategies. Sometimes we have to counsel ourselves. Im very gald you are all here.
PS. Since my grandfather is too unwell to do this, he had me out there in the field with him working on the combines, and tractors!!!!LOL.
Me. Its was good to be able to help them. I just think it was expecting alot of me out there, feeling isolated, and having broken up with my bf. Life...What a mystery...
GOOD LUCK!!!! IM Sticking to it, you can too!!!!!!
Saturday I was feeling pretty dang good....yesterday better ....but....dizzy....
today .....wow!!!! back to last week.....kinda weak...my head feels heavy...my vision is off....pressure in my temples...
man I am glad I am getting better!!! LOL!
I went off Paxil totally cold turkey against my doctors orders and I had no problems whatsoever. I went off codeine after a full year and had one day of hell.....but this ....this is nuts!!! Can I lay down now! LOL!
Forget Me Not......thanks for replying to my manic statement while on this drug. It was pretty bad when I got like that.
So I just spoke with an addiction specialist on the phone, someone who was recommended to me that I talk to. And after talking to him, he basically said that the drug is not the problem, that I am the problem. That i have suffered through something traumatic in my life (which is absolutely true) and that the reason I am seeking opiate drugs is that I want to cover up that traumatic experience and not deal with it. He was addicted to vicodin and percocet for 8 years and graduated from college, had his own successful business and is now an addiction specialist. So i take what he says highly and he said that i should take a medical leave from work and go to a treatment center because the addiction wont just stop when I stop taking them. Basically meaning that I am not addicted to pills, i am addicted to covering up my problems and not dealing with them. which is absolutely true! So i really do not want to go to a treatment center, one because I cant i am in the middle of grad school right now, and 2 because I doubt it will be covered by my insurance. But I do want to find an addiction psychiatrist, which I hope exist, someone who understands what we have gone through, yet can still be trusted when it comes to me telling them specific things about what I went through as a child and teenager. I have officially gone CT and am no longer taking any trams! I took my last one today. I decided to start it a day earlier... so right now, just about 7 hours without one. i am happy about that, but i have known i have need to see a shrink for a while now. Hopefully, this will all work out on the other side. Love you all and god bless, just thought I would put this out there, maybe some of you have had similar experiences talking to an expert and trying to get help.
Chris- I'm going to see an addiction psychiatrist on Thursday. I will let you know how it goes. I took a leave of absence from grad school at one point for medical reasons and professors were very understanding. I never got back into the swing of it and finished though...that's just me. If you need to take a leave, take it.
Normally, insurance will cover inpatient I think...some of it anyway, but I don't think they will for tramadol. Not sure if anyone else knows.
I feel your pain Chris. I already feel down about this and I'm still tapering. I'm really tired of it and want it to be over.
Hello everyone. Just wanted to say hello to everyone and give my support for everyone in this struggle. Today is my 11 th day and even though I'm not sleeping well everything else it getting much better. There are some weird feelings that keep shooting thru my body but they are getting less frequent. Everyone please believe that you can do this. After a few days it gets easier every day. Keep going and know that you can beat the devil pill.
I took 1/4 of one 50mg Tramadol yesterday (Sunday) at noon, and another 1/4 at midnight this morning.
(I had taken 1/2 a pill on Sat midnight, and have been taking about 1.5 pills per day for a year)
Is this a reasonable taper?
I am a little figety now, but not too bad. Maybe I can make it till bedtime.
It's been said that addicts who choose opiates as their "drug of choice" do so because they are in pain (not physical). I was thinking about it when I read what polly and tramman went through. Polly, facing the reality of her aging grandparents, and tramman with the death of his friend. Some of us may have started on the drugs with physical pain but got into the habit of taking something when emotional pain comes up. Polly and tramman, don't kick yourselves. So, so many of us have done it.
I guess what GreatWhites specialist said really sums it up, as well as what Polly wrote. Getting off the pills is just the first step. True recovery is a lifelong process that we are all just beginning. It will be hard, but I truly believe it will be worth it. Life is already so much better without the trams. For once, Halloween with my kids was a blast, not just another excuse to take more pills. Good things are in store for us.
Keep fighting everyone,
Thank you for posting that there is hope Lilly. I'm feeling very down and lost, as if I can't do this. I really don't have a choice, but I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I'm down to 100 mg ER now and mentally it's awful. I'm just ready to detox. I really hate tapering. I'm not physically ill, but I'm down. Could be PMS I guess. :( Jenny
Great White - There's truth in what specialist says. I am 57 years old and have met quite a few people. It seems everyone I met has some issue that plagues them. Some like to run and hide from them. Some like me like a break from it and take something...pills ...booze....whatever. Sometimes it is just life in general.
Learning to live this life we have is an everyday process. Things come along and get you sidetracked. My latest side track is Tramadol. I took it for physical pain for awhile ....then I took it for mental pain. It's funny how I always seem to think life is better if I am altered
I don't think you have to go to a treatment center right now...maybe not ever.
When I was younger I went to an AA group at the University of Arizona in Tucson Arizona that changed my life forever. Helped me tremendously. At that point in my life I thought I would have to go into treatment but I was pointed to this group. Praise the Lord!
There were people there who gave me life living tools. Taught me how to love life and get a grip on everything.
Good friends and loving people go further than any shrink can. My "shrink" told me that.
so....seek out a place to go ....go to friends. You sought out this forum. Find a live one.
Everything.... and I mean everything is gonna be alright.
I apologize but I have more to say. I am at work and reading through everyone's letters and thoughts and support.
Great White... addicts really do know what is going on with addiction. Addiction therapist are great but people....like the people on this forum are better. And people you can actually look into their eyes are better.
I guess I am telling you this so you don't feel like you aren't going to get better unless you get "professional" help.
Hangin'.....thanks for your supportful words. I'm 8 days and I feel better but worse today. Your letter has lifted me up.
I wouldnt mind an addiction specialist myself. i guess i have always been on something. smoked pot for about 13 years, but i still dont think that is too bad. i quit that easy enough, but the pills were rough. went to the doc and got an rx for the diahrhea, and a note for a sick day tomorrow~yaaaayyyyyy. i may make it thru yet.
I'm with twanghead. I too just got fed up with it and jumped. Early days were indeed tough, but today is better. At this pace, I'm looking forward to alot of better tomorrows. It has already been great just knowing I've done it - no more worrying over supply and hiding things. Just living. I know I still have some suffering yet to do - PAWS, etc. - and I still have some rough moments, but all-in-all just living is enough for now. Every minute drug free seems like another victory, and I try to savor every one of them.
All of you on here who are early in the process, Stick With It! You owe it to yourselves to get free. Those of you who read this and are considering getting off something, Go For It! You owe it to yourselves too!!
Thanks guys. I probably won't be saying this in a few days, but I'd rather have physical withdrawal symptoms that my husband and others can see than this obsession with it and feeling blah. At least then maybe I'd get some chicken soup! I'm probably going to run out on Wednesday and have to get through Wednesday and Thursday at work, which will be really hard. I wish I had sick time. But, I'm hoping that the worst will be over after the weekend. Jenny
hi everyone,,,,day 4 ,,it is a tough road ,,i hope iam through the worst ,,,no sleep at all in 4 days ,,any help i need sleep..no regrets at all i will win this fight .......i want my life back,,,,god put me here for a good time not a long time,,
tman i hear you on the sleep. last night was my first sleepless night and it wasnt pretty. i hope for sleep tonight and may dig around for a benadryl if it gets bad. keep fighting mighty warriors. we are so much stronger without these stupid pills!!
So interesting to see the different threads of discussion going on here right now. It's so amazing the way I always find what I need here even if I don't know what that is.
GreatWhite, I definitely get what that person meant, but I think it can be harsh for anyone to tell an addict who is detoxing that "we" are "the problem". Sure, I think we have to step up and take responsibility for our future (and become "the solution", not the problem). And we opiate addicts definitely bring our share of baggage to the addictive relationship. Are we not all searching for something, at least in the beginning, that we believe the drug can give us better than anything else can? Or with more predictability than anything else can, perhaps. It doesn't fail us (BIG lie, especially in the beginning). It's always there to make us feel better, feel less, feel nothing even. But that doesn't last long once it has its claws into our souls.
Just started reading a book that I picked up on recommendation from a reliable source. It's called NECESSARY LOSSES, by Judith Viorst. So far I've been totally shocked by how spot on this book is with respect to my own life and experience dealing with a wide variety of losses (or, perhaps, not dealing with them). I know, without a doubt, that my own experience with tramadol addiction was heavily related to the long series of losses I have endured. Was I trying to fill a void, to experience wholeness? Yep. Were you? Only you know. In a journal I remember writing that it didn't matter why any of us started taking this drug. What matters is what we decide to do today to reclaim ourselves. I still believe that.
I also still believe in what Hillbilly and others have said, that the surest way to get free is to declare war and plunge into the unknown of Life After Tramadol. Be brave, be fearless. Or get so mad at the fear that you challenge its ownership of your spirit. Get MAD, examine all of this stuff later.
58 days clean is, for me, a time to start reflecting a bit. I will save the rest of this stuff for a journal entry.
I am so proud to count myself among such a brave band of fighters... my comrades, my brothers- and sisters-in-arms.
Humbled and inspired by all of your strength. There's safety in numbers.
Ok so its been about 12 hours since i had one. Def have the anxious feeling and achy limbs, but i dragged myself to the gym today so i can get sooo tired that hopefully i will pass out tonight. Plus the yankees might win the World Series, and this will be the first baseball game i am going to enjoy sober in a long *** time!! Anyways, i am pooping like crazy, as are most of you, hahah. Sorry if too much info, but what the hell we all went through it right? Anyways, i might have to call out to work tomorrow if I dont sleep, we shall see but so far i am going to try and go. I also have class tomorrow night and a meeting with my professor, soooo..ummm yea, we shall see how that will go as well. As long as i am near a toilet, i think i will be ok. hahaha. Anyways, you guys are awesome and definitely keeping me sane. Tonight will be my first night without these damn trams besides last night of course, but this night marks for real this time. I am so glad you guys are here. Rock on, i wanna join you all on the other side! im sure i will post later..
Back from work and finished reading all the posts.Such words of wisdom from every single one of you.I think one of the biggest things we can do for ourselves is to start to be grateful for what we have and not be be envious or jealous for what we can't have or change.I am sure that there are some bad things happening to us,but we must accentuate the positive and not dwell on the negatives.This way we will be satisfied with our lives at the present and reward ourselves with good things rather than try to mask our weaknesses and disappointments with drugs or mood substances.Everyone is so right,because I realized that I would reward myself for working 12 hour days or 60 hour weeks with the narcotic and its short high,all the whie justifying it to myself because I needed it to work these hours.BULL...that was just an excuse...because I learned that I did not need them and could function quite well without them.I started to realize that I was lucky to have a well paying job even if the hours were long and many people do not even have jobs and others were envious of me because I am still working...The point of all this is be happy with what you have,strive for more if possible but do not dwell on what you don't have......Love everyone and good healing.I
Jg...Your statement..'I miss the entertainment of taking the pill"rang loudly in my mind.I remember early on in my healing realizing that I would not have the buzz to look forward to anymore and feeling a bit depressed about that.I just kicked that thought out of my mind and decided that I did not even want that buzz any more and looked forward to a future of not constantly thinking about the next dose.I have made it past 6 weeks because I just don't want it anymore..Good luck in kicking that tram right out of your life.I had chicken soup for supper cause my tooth aches and I can' eat anything hard.Ibuprofen seems to be working just fine and I did not crave any narcs.
FMN- I looked up the book and it looks very interesting. I will have to get it.
Pharma- I agree. This seems to be my problem....I rarely have the "attitude of gratitude" that one needs for recovery. I try to think about how grateful I am to have a job and one with good hours, but then I fall into the trap of thinking about all of the things I don't like. I think in these down periods, it's easy to get caught up in my own head. I need a job that is more interactive with others and more lively, but I need to not worry about it so much. My problem is that I think about it and then can't think of realistic things that I CAN do without going back to grad school or without capital to invest. So, I feel stuck and then I want to escape.
Anyway, I just want to allow myself more satisfaction in just "being" at my job, breathing, alive and with a husband I adore! Hard to focus on that when depressed/withdrawing.
I really like the string of posts going on right now - still the pain and turmoil of getting tram free - but the focus on life after tram - or any drug.
Getting off t is going to be tough - I am tapering, so not terrible right now - minor withdrawal - but my time will come - once I jump off. But I think my toughest battle will be not having that feeling to look forward to, to chill out with, to escape with. Learning to live life on lifes terms.
I have been to an addictions specialist/therapist - and inpatient detox and treatment was recomended. I understand why - 30 days in a safe environment - no acess to drugs and specialists working with you to help you adjust to life without drugs. They get you into the AA or NA meetings so you are less nervous about it when you return home.
Unfortunately it doesn't fit into my life. So I am trying to do this on my own - with your help, AA and getting more honest with myself and the people in my life.
That's why this forum is so important - that we share all our ups and downs - it gives me the strength the keep with it.
Newway,that is the toughest battle..not having that feeling to look forward to..but you will have so many other good feelings to look forward to that ..that feeling.will pale in comparison.I seem to get a high every morning just being alive and right after I take my b12.I am just happy to be alive and functional and am almost always in a good mood.I am also constantly amazed at how little pain I really have.The posts have been quite positive and everyone has shown progress.It makes me happy to see people who were so desperate show hope and success towards a healing.Does my heart proud .It is amazing how attached I have become to everyone on this forum and wish them all success.
I too can relate to "getting attached" to everyone on here. I read these posts 2 -3 times a day. Sometimes I feel like a voyeur looking into your lives & thoughts. But it has sooo helped me to help my husband through his tapering process. I've learned terms like "drug obsession" "SSRI" "serotonin" "brain zaps" ER (extended release). I've been able to explain to my husband that the daily headaches aren't weather related.... they are part of the withdrawls. The Tylenol & cough syrup with dextromethorphan has helped stop the nightly 3 am coughing jags he'd get. Thanks pharma9.
Tomorrow is his last day of 2 50mgs. Wed. he'll start a week of 1 a day. To give you all hope - I have to tell you this slow taper process has been fairly easy on him physically. These internet pills didn't have the "buzz" that the little white pills had. But mentally I think he's having an inner battle with himself. Because he gave me the pills to lay out for him everyday - he hasn't had access to them. I worry about his will power when he's around his "friends" who pass them out like candy. We also have to work on breaking the "Habit" of the "Obsession". Maybe changing the time of day that he takes the pill. He looks forward to taking it first thing in the morning.
The good news.... I see glimpses of my old husband coming back. His humor is returning. He wants to take a cross country road trip after Christmas. Ahhhh there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Luckily we are retired so he doesn't have to deal with any of this at work. My heart goes out to all of you suffering through withdrawls at work. yuckkkkkk........
He knows I read this forum and I tell him about some of the things I've learned from you all. He still wants to do this "his way" but he IS interested in what I've told him about your posts. baby steps... So THANK YOU from the BOTH of us.
I want to apoligize for not being around much this week. I have been preparing for a trial that we are still trying to get a court room on and I have been campaigning for a few friends running for some local city counsel races coming up. (tomorrow is electon day, yippee!)
I'll try to catch up with everyone's posts this weekend if not sooner.
tman, boba, keith and greatwhite(and any others I didn't mean to overlook), hang in there guys. At this point, each of you has an investiment in this withdrawal to protect. I am SO proud of each of your achievements. The WAR will be won moment by moment.
Lilly, Hillbilly and FMN, you guys are golden. Bring em home! fred
Good Morning everyone. I am now on day 12 and I hope thing just keep getting better. I slept last night for the first time and I feel better this morning. Everyone keep on fighting and we can do this together. I know now that what I am experiencing is normal and thanks to this board and its warriors I know I am going to win this fight.
hey guys. officially 25 hours off of tram and last night was a tossing and turnign sleep but i did manage to get about 4-5 hours. I was contemplating taking off of work,but decided last second to come in, so hopefully I will be able to make it through the day. I didnt bring any trams with me, for the first time ever! And this is my first mornign not taking any. so dammmmnn thats so relieving!!! I am very antsy, and still pooping like crazy even with the immodium i am taking. Also i am sneezing like crazzzzyyyy. I heard other people who had the sneezes when they came off, thats nuts. Def not a symptom I thought i would have. It was more of a mind game last night than any RLS, which is good cause i hate RLS with a passion. I will keep you guys updated through out the day! Hope all is well with everyone, BOOBA hope your hanging in there still. God bless you all... I said so many prayers last night and read scriptures to have God help me through this process!
Good morning everyone.Had to get up in the middle of the night for ibuprofen because my tooth hurt.Am taking an antibiotic for the infection .A few months ago I would have just scarped extra T3,but now only take aleve or ibuprofen and ex str tylenol.Apart from that slept ok.It does not seem as swollen this morning.Just discovered I can use my coffee maker to make tea and am drinking tea this am.It is more soothing than coffee.Good to hear from everyoneWow day 12 for hanginin...that is almost 2 weeks.It feels so good to be clean,because I don't have anything to hide and have no guilt anymore.I often used to wonder,,what if I have an accident and they find these pills in my purse or at my home?How would it look.Don't have to worry anymore cause all they will find is otc stuff.I have become honest with myself and do not feel like a hypocrite.No wonder I am high on life.Everyone keep up the fight because it is possible.
thanks pharma. I need all the encouragement. Definitely feeling the emotions right now. Its so weird how these pills mask all your bad emotions and how they just come flooding out when you are not on them....wheeeewwww gonna be a long day.
Yesterday, I ended up having one ER and another 1/2 ER. Whatever, it will just get me stopped sooner. I have some work to get done this week, but I'm off Fridays, so I hope to push it into Wednesday afternoon. One positive I've noticed and I assume this is from not having as much Tramadol mixed with Klonopin at night, but I'm not so tired and draggy in the morning at these lower doses. For instance, the last 1/2 ER I took was yesterday around 2pm and I haven't had my dose today yet. I feel a little weird, but when I first got up today and yesterday, I felt more awake and alive really. So, I hope that will continue after my final WD. I definitely had a down moment yesterday afternoon and I thought it was from the tramadol, but in hindsight it felt a lot like PMS (cloudy and dark), sorry guys, you wouldn't know this particular feeling, but the women do.
Thanks for everyone! Pharma- What B-12 do you take? I also take it and I have two kinds. Just want to make sure it's the best one.
good morning all, congrats great white. keep it up. i took a unisom last night to sleep, and did finally sleep, but this morning i feel like hell. day 5 for me, and tomorrow I HAVE to go back to work. hope my liquid B12 kicks in becuz i feel like i can barely move. Fred~good to hear from you. You are such a busy man!!! I cannot wait until I have some energy. I feel like death warmed over.
Getting on about this clean living,my daughter gave up smoking and drinking heavily on her own last January1/2009.She is now into health foods and all things green even going a bit overboard.But I would rather have her go overboard in the green life than the other.She has come to a realization that her former life was not tolerable and has made a huge change in her life.She is taking herbal courses on line and I can help her with them.I love the positive. changes in this house
I work the afternoon and evening today and have some time to post and check on everyone.I just wish the best for everyone and success is attainable.There have been some desperate people here that do not sound quite so hopeless and desparate.I hear a lot of panic during withdrawal,but the hopelessness seems to have gone away.Hang in there everyone for these too shall pass.
Hi Everyone. I gotta make it quick. My 15 yr old was burned in a 4 wheeler accident Sunday and we have been in the burn unit in Augusta, GA since then. We are getting released today and going home until next week when she has to have more surgery. Still tram free..don't know how many days now, been to busy worrying about my daughter and getting her fixed. I will write more after the long...long....long............ride home. Keep us in your prayers...
Ohhhh...notsosunny..my thoughts and prayers go out to you.Everything will work out and you will remain tramfree because you are going to be there for your daughter who needs you.Your mind will be distracted as you are helping her that I'll bet you you won't think of the drugs...and if you do you will realize that she needs you more than you need the drug.Oh gosh life always throws some curves our way..but your daughter is alive.My heartfelt sympathy to you but you and she will both recover together.
I am on track. Dragged myself back up from the pits. I am getting through the days and not really wanting Tram - My big problem is NO SLEEP, which of course doesn't help the next day. I am tired and wanting sleep but I am not allowed because of RLS (RBS in fact!) I'm hot bathing; paracetamol; Ibrufen. But my legs are so aching and thrutching, and that's after a number of days. 50mg of Tram does the trick and I can sleep - the cunning little poisoness devil! Is there anything else I can try? 'madtram' mentioned tonic water/quinine !! Does this really work or is it an old wives tale? How much does one have to drink?
If I can crack the sleep problem I think I will move down the recovery road pretty quickly.
Please help. Thanking you all for your support once again. Sincerely Tram
Notsosunny: sooo sorry to hear about your girl. Many prayers out to you and to her! Way to go on staying clean through that stress. Stay focused on her and you'll pull through.
Tramman: I "cracked" the sleep problem by staying off the trams and giving my brain a chance to begin rewiring itself. I also took valerian root, melatonin and tylenol pm during those first few days. It took a few days to level out, but I'm sleeping much better now and am no longer taking any sleep aids.
Tramman...Each body is so different,but I found that nyquil helped me get thru a couple of nights.The canadian product does not contain decongestant which you cannot have with trams and it also keeps you awake.Our product contains dm a mild opiate cough suppressant that may soothe the opiate receptors that are so agitated right now,doxylamine that is an antihistamine that makes one sleepy and 1000 mg acetaminophen or paracetamol.The liquidhas alcohol which may or may not be good for you,but the gelcaps do not.You must not exceed the maximum does as stated because all that paracetamol is not good for the liver.It alsocan be quite habit forming,but if it helps you sleep for a while..hey wth....I can get into the dangers of superhigh dm consumption but if you stay within the dose you should be fine.If you cant get nyquil perhaps something with the same ingredients in it..BUT NO DECONGESTANT.You might be a bit groggy in the morning,but you will probably sleep.I only needed it a couple of nights but it helped me a lot.GOOD LUCK.Also a muscle relaxant helps with the spasms.
Hello all! New user here! I want to point it, I just hit my week mark and feel GREAT!!!!
I ran across this site when I was WD'ing earlier in the week! I have currently hit the 1 week mark as of today! I used for about a year and a half, typical BS, the doc said it's non addictive etc etc you know the deal! Miracle drug for a while, til its gone eh?!
Of course I found out how to order it online, big trouble there! My dad was also into painkillers, he has 90 norco a month and looks for other pills to buy when they are out, I showed him tramadol, and he also ordered his own supply. I could write a novel here but I will try to keep it short! Basically if one of us was out, to save the other from WD, we would keep each other supplied. I guess we felt we could keep ordering it, so we wouldn't have to worry about withdrawal... you know how it is, when you have your trams, not a worry in the world right? Well not for me at least, I could be diagnosed with cancer and if I have my trams, no big deal. Well this past month, we have had a money sink, and could neither afford to buy any more trams! How sickening is this, ONE DAY I TOOK 43 50mg TRAMADOL!!!!! That's how bad I was, I would say on average though a 1000mg-1250mg A DAY habit. I could go through 180 in 5-7 days easy.
THIS IS HOW I GOT OFF TRAMADOL WITHOUT TOO BAD OF WD EFFECTS - I had been stressin so hard, the WD is the worst ever. I took other drugs to help with the withdrawal and man does it sure help! Tramadol is different than an normal opiate so taking n opiate during tram withdrawal well basically, YOU DONT WITHDRAWAL! At least the physical part. The first few days and a couple days of coming way down I had BIG depression. Better than both though right?! This is what drugs I took and what day, mind you this is day 7 for me of tram free!
Day -3 - Yes 2 days before not taking any tram, I knew the supply was almost out, I took 15 instead of normal 20-25, pretty depressed, VERY STRESSED!!!
Day -2 - 6 Tramadol - 300mg, this day was horrible also, wow 300mg is my morning dose right when I wake up. No WD just depression. pretty bad....
Day -1 - MY LAST 2 TRAMADOL - Woke up and took em, found one more 50mg in pocket later. This was the WORST DAY, super depression just knowing what I was in for. I bought 8 percocet for the night took em from dinner time, by 8pn-9pm they were gone I was about crying.
Day 1 - I bought some Morphine for the first couple days, guess what, no withdrawal!!! NONE! Some depression, not bad at all compared to what I expected.
Day 2- Morphine! no physical withdrawal, depression which is decreasing every day.
Day 3 - No pills.... i'm still not WD, why? Im a little depressed. Got a 5mg hydrocodone around dinner, did nothing.
Day 4 -I found some more morphine to combat depression, 90mg through the day, not a bad day.
Day 5 - I got 3 5mg vikes from a friend, got a nice buzz for a couple hours. Slept ok...
Day 6 (Yesterday) - Very good day!!! Hittin the gym again, I didn't take a single pill! Very happy!
Day 7 - Thats today, for the first time I could not sleep for a darn. I prob woke up every 10 mins. O well I will go to the gym when it opens at 6am in 15 minutes and i'm sure i'll feel better!
So that's a summary basically, yeah I have suffered MINOR WD effects throughout the week, temperature spikes, and MINOR RLS at night. I have gone through withdrawal before and this is 10% of what I went through when I did it compltely cold turkey. Most nights I got some Xanax to help me sleep. The weird thing is that I haven't had the runs one time. I feel like I am in the clear only a week in, I feel good this morning, my worst night of sleep... The 3 days of weeening down were the worst by far, I wanted to cry at random times.
HAS ANYONE ELSE USED OPTIATES TO COME OFF OF TRAMADOL? IT WORKED FOR ME!
Of course it's not like i'm completely beaten this. I have bad back pain, tram got rid of that. Obviously I can't sleep as well either.
I'm gonna head to the gym, and questions I will check this site periodically, but I want to say only a week in and I feel AMAZINGLY better, I am not a slave to that POS pill!!!! I do not mean to make it sound easy, it is not easy at all! Keep at it, every day gets better and better. We can all do it. Sounds corny, but if I can anyone can, tramadol was my LIFE!
Part 2 (Posted before on wrong page) - Just got done with a nice workout and feel great! Still slight temperature spikes, when I was running I was sweating while cold, which *****, but they slight effects are getting slighter every day! My back is KILLING me though! Not sure how to help with that, I took 2 excedrin's and 2 ibuprofen this mornin so I can't take any more til at LEAST lunch time. Long uphill battle but you gotta stay positive or you will make it even harder on yourself!
Tylenol pm is similar to nyquil,but has tylenol and benadryl in it...no dm.We do not have tylenol pm in canada and I somehow think the nyquil may help us better because the dm may soothe the agitated opiate receptors.Thisstuff can be habitforming,but so can tylenol PM.It is not addicting because one does not get withdrawal from stopping.
Oh I also wanted to point out that I have the GNARLIEST bags under my eyes! My excuse I been telling people is that they have always been there, but are just more noticable because my summer tan is fading, lol! Anyone know how to get rid of these bags or have a problem with them? Sure don't look good hehe
Wow Ross....what can I say?You have just replaced one addiction with another.A lot of people were given the trams to replace opiate addiction.Whichever way you look,trams are opiates too.Maybe when the time is right you will tackle the opiate problem and then you will be truly clean
Only opiates for the first week or so I told myself, it really eases the WD's. No opiates yesterday or today and I feel better than I did all last week, so I do feel I am getting some where! "Replaced one addiction for another" is a pretty strong statement ;) Nonetheless we COULD call this Day 2 if really neccessary lol but I do feel I am now in the clear
You know Ross if your system works for you I hope the best for you...I hope you can get off the opiates as planned and live a good productive life,because you obviously want to or you would not be here.We are here to help each other out.I withdrew from opiates and had the same withdrawals symptoms minus the depression.I really really wants the best for you and everyone here.
ross~yeah, i guess you dont have the runs cuz of the opiates. i wouldnt have WD either if i was taking all of those. i prolly would be taking them if i had access, but i have cut myself off from having a way of getting any drugs. im on day 5 cold turkey, and was up to about 25 trams near the end. gotta stop taking evrything. you dont want to get addicted to anything else. we are all friends here tho, so these are just words of advice. everyone has to go bout it their own way.
Have a good work day pharma. fight on warriors........gonna try to fix my computer now. im not good with technical stuff.......wish me luck. will post more later. hillbilly~so glad you are feeling good. be proud. i cannot wait to be able to say the same. I love you guys. guess i am all emotional without the trams. even yo gabba gabba made me cry last night, and it is a kids show. having a 4 year old makes it hard to watch adult programming. i pray she will be into american idol when it comes back on. i think Golden Girls is still the best show bar none. im such a big goober.
Hello there Polly here.
Checkin in....I had an interesting run this morning, there was fog, aloooot of fog, wintery Halloweenie type fog. It was soo, cool. And as I turned my first cross street to the park I love to race to ( to get away from cars as I now live in the city) I nearly tripped over three tiny chippering chi wa was ( sp?) and there was no one around to claim them!!! These crazy things, ( and I am NOT a dog person) followed me yippering yapperring all the way to the park. They actually nearly ran my entire 6 miles with me, until lo and behold--at the park there are.....You guessed it..Squirrels, and they sort of own the parks they are not shy. These two ferrel squirrels ran down an oak tree and actually started playing with the Chi wa was. But the doggies got all scared and ran away!!! Then the squirrels went right back to thier tree. Hmm.
Protected by squirrels. I guess Im just enjoying SOME of the new feelings now that Im off all that nonsense. Its nice to know my Weird PERSONALITY IS IN TACT..lol.
I have been working part time which leaves time for my writing---but I have not been in the mood for that, and my editor still needs to look at the other stuff.. I was also in the middle of planning my week back from the Mid-west excursion, and realized that life can be really unpredictable. Sometimes good, sometimes not. But throughout planning gigs, and rehearsals, with band members ( we added a keyboardist) I started getting really extremely frustrated at everyones schedules, issues, changes, I HATE< HATE ( did I say it too much?) hate last minute changes, that sort of thing used to make me spin. So I had to sit back, get some chockolate milk, and remember a conversation my grandfather and I had in Iowa. "Its all about maintaining, for me and grandma, if we can just maintain, we will hang on, we may not improve but we will hang on"
I of course being the Pusher that I am was like "grandpa, you guys are doing awsome and you are doing great at taking care of grandma, youll be ok you will improve!!"
UM...I have no room for dissapointment, all the while my break up with my bf looming over me like a dark cloud I try to run from every training session I get.
I got the opportunity to help them, that means alot to me, and I did learn from the experience. I do believe it is good to get involved and help others. It makes your problems seem pretty small, not insig. just puts things in perspective. My grandfather used to play music as well, he cant because he has to take care of grandma. I hope this changes. I am learning what it means to have a heart of gratitude.
My grandparents ate at a place that is swedish and they have these like, Hollnd ( they are from there I think) Holland wind mills, I hope and pray this isnt the last time we do this. I love them dearly.
So the Chipmunks-------those feelings are hilarious, lively fun.
The other....well.working on it. Ill find a place in a crawl space of my mind to put the realityof it I guess.
Good luck all.....Not hump day yet!!!
Hi everyone. I'm so happy to have found this place. I have been on and off of the evil tramadol for almost 4 years. I've gone through the Hell of withdrawl and don't think Im capable of going through it again. I'm afraid I'll be trapped by tramadol forever! I'm at a loss and don't know what to do anymore. I take about 400mg/day sometimes more. It's a nightmare-i hate being under the controlbof this drug. Lying, hiding, sneaking-it's terrible! But I can't stop.
I have found comfort in reading through all of your heartfelt posts. I can realate to all of you and am so impressed with those who have battled through this and won. Emily you are a gift to everyone here.
Hope you are back form work before I attempt bedtime. 1800 hours UK just now. Thank you for your chemistry lesson. LOL. But I am listening because as I said this thrutching in bed is ruining progress. I think you have some notion of my c/t break-thru. (On my tracker page & posts) (I said 50 or 100 mg of Tram before bed would do the trick, but I have gone thru all that - don't reach for Tram during the day. This is fantastice news after 3 hard years on high dosage **** stars in heaven!!!
I did not sleep at all last night
1.) Now I have in front of me Dormidina 25 (which I picked up in Spain) It has Doxilamina (DCI) (which is what you mentioned. Just to inform you I took 2 of these the other day and they did Nothin!!!! I don't think these will work for me.
2.) I also have Nytol one-a night - Diphenhydramine Hydrchloride BP 50mg. (which I believe is an anthystamine). Although it says take only one - I intend to take two. I know one won't !!?? work - I must have a constitution of a Bull!
3.) I have Zimovane which I believe is a prescription sleeping aid. I have tried this - ...... and .... it does't work. I stayed awake all night. (to tell the truth - I had 1 Dormidina 25 & a Zimovane!) - it didn't even make me drowsy day or night.
So, what do I do???? Tonight I intend to try the following.: Ibrufen 400mg / Paracetamol 1000mg / & 2 Nytol-one-a-night.
Il'l look later before bedtime and see if you are home form work. Otherwise, I will give you a verdict tomorrow. OR the mixture might have killed me - that would be rather an exessive sleep!!.!!!
Thanks in anticipation. We are tending to put heavy responsibilities on your shoulders - maybe it isn't fair.
Welcome Kristen. I certainly understand where you're coming from, as I spent a couple of years thinking the same thing. Then, I just up and decided that I CAN stop. Once I had that decision made, the only remaining question was "how" to stop. At that moment, this forum was my God-send because on it I found the methods, supplements, etc. required to stop. Even then, though, I still didn't fully work up the nerve to jump for several months.
Now, at 49 days clean from nearly 10 years of dosages much higher than yours, I am here to tell you that getting off the tram-a-go-round is the best thing I've done in many years. Its true that it ain't easy, but it most certainly is doable. You said you find this a "nightmare" and that you're tired of the lying, hiding and sneaking. Those were my exact motives for getting clean. Sounds to me like you're about where you need to be mentally to make it happen. For me, I had to get completely fed up and disgusted with myself to get angry enough to fight the battle for real. You may be closer than you think.
Kristen- I am in a similar spot. I was taking about 300mg a day, sometimes more and sometimes less. I didn't really keep track. I ran out. So, I decided not to do this anymore. I had run out of a 3 month prescription 2 months early, including having gotten some from my mom. So, I fessed up to mom, husband, step-dad, here and a couple of friends. What a relief! I know not everyone can tell people, but I couldn't stop on my own. So, my mom gave me about 10 to taper and I've been doing a rapid taper. I'm at 100-150 right now, but I only have one 50mg left, so I will either be out today or tomorrow. Then I will head into those couple of days in the weekend and withdraw. It'll be terrible I'm sure, but it sounds like life should be bareable by Monday.
You CAN do this. You just have to stay in today and in the moment. I get bogged down thinking about how to deal with my job without tramadol, but you know, things work out how their supposed to.
I had NEVER stolen anything in my life...like not even candy in those store box things, like everyone does, but I stole pills from my mom on a monthly basis for this. That's not me at all.
Hang in there. If you push through, you can do it. If you want a quit buddy, I'll be around and feeling crappy I'm sure :)
hey guys. i am actually feeling great at the moment. Tramman~i feel the pain of not sleeping. i took some unisom last night and slept but woke up like i had not slept at all. good to see you on here tho. i think the mental hasnt gotten to me yet, and im lucky to have a great 4 year old that doesnt let me have time to think bout it. kristen~i feel your pain. I credit these warriors with giving me the strength to quit evil trams. we are here for you. you can do it. it is tough tho.im on day 5 off cold turkey from about 1000 mg tram a day and feeling pretty awesome at the moment. we will see how the nite progresses. i will prolly be kicking the sheets like tramman later. all of you are in my prayers.
Today is my 1st day of no tramadol. I thought it was going to be yesterday but knowing that I had some I decided just to take the rest, look in all my hiding places and make sure I didn't have even one in here. I too am going ct but what a gift it will be to be free of this junk! It really is messed up. After I took a bunch yesterday I felt sick to my stomach, had a headache and wished I hadn't taken any. I have few obligations this week and next and will just say I have the flu. Afterall, it is flu season!
Wish me luck and thank you all for your posts!
I got all the stuffI need for the bath, the vitamens and etc.....
Congrats to those who are doing well. Great to hear someone who is feeling not so bad on day five. Will check in tomorrow!
Hello everyone. Notsosunny, sorry about your daughter and I hope she is okay. I just wanted to let everyone know that this struggle is worth it. I am on day 12 and I can't explain how much better I'm feeling today. I have had some problems every day but I finally feel like myself today. I went for a long walk and just felt good all day. I know the first few days are rough but please keep fighting.
Jane- Great for you! I think I'm going to take my last 50mg today and then be free tommorrow. I'm just ready. Plus, then I can be in withdrawal when I see the addictions psych. In case he's one that doesn't take this withdrawal seriously.
jane~congrats. i know you can do it. Jenny~congrats on making the leap. we will be here to support you. i could not have quit the trams without all of you. this is my sole support in getting through this. i actually feel like the old me fior once in about 3 years.
I just took the last 50mg and threw away my bottle! YAY! Booba- You're making it seem so easy :). I hope I feel that good. I know work will be a struggle. Just the boredom. Have to not let my thinking spiral. I'm so glad I have you guys. Jenny
i prolly only feel this good because i havent worked since thursday. i just want to be well rested for my janis ian concert friday. i have missed my one friend at work tho. i guess i am ready to go back. whatever RX imodium they gave me has been really working. i have been taking tylenol for ny fever so i guess that is why i havent had a headache.
JG525 Good to Go. Tip: have lots of motivating slogans around the house. e.g. "Take each attack as it comes - it will pass" "I must exercise". If your have pills - put on top "You'll only have to do it again". (that worked for me).
And a BIG notice in front of you now "BRING IT ON !!!"
Hope not to be thinking of you tonight, but "Dreaming" of you. You can do it. Will be following progress. Sincerely Tramm
I have a computer-and it works. Thank goodness for tech-savvy parents. Now my grammar and typing should be much better, that is if I can wrestle my husband from the computer sometimes. I will still be posting via my cell, because that is my lifeline to you guys at all hours. I actually made dinner today-and walked to the mailbox. I am very proud of myself, for once in a long time. Have a great evening all. Keep on fighting.
Hello Fellow tramal sufferers,
My name is brendan and i'm from australia.I have been on tramal for 6 years following a bike accident.At the end i was up to 400 mg sr and topping up with 50 mg caps.I started cutting back about 3 months ago and am now taking 50 mg morning and night which i hope to reduce to 1 and then 0.It hasn't been easy and i dont know if and when i'll feel normal again.Do you ever fully get back to normal after beating this drug?
hey all..in 2 hours i will be 5 days free,,,this has been a very interesting ride ,,,,but iam through the worst,,,,i want to thank all of you ,,no way i could of done this with out you guys,,,,,really you guys made it happen,,,,,i know i have a ways to go but the worst behind.....GOD PUT ME HERE FOR A GOOD TIME NOT ALONG TIME ,,,,SO LIVE THE BEST
Tman, booba. Great job. You are for sure thru the worst. You may have some minor issues the next few days but its nothing compared to what you've already been thru. Thanks again for all the support. I am looking at day 13 tomorrow and I couldn't have done it without all your help and insight. Its worth the effort.
You know, I really thought not having the high would kill me, but i feel surprisingly stable. I know I can do this know though, thanks to all of you. Going back to work is the true test. I guess I am ready......
Hi Everyone. We are home. My daughter is settled in and actually doing really well. She burned herself (3rd degree) on the inside of her ankles and then wrecked. No injuries from the wreck except a sore arm. Nothing broken only the burns. She had surgery and is currently "wearing" cadaver skin, which she is totally, I mean totally, freaked out by. She is 15, ya know??? She is freaked out by everything! We are going back Monday, the 9th, to HOPEFULLY have skin graphs if the cadaver skin has promoted enough healing. Then going back for follow and scar care so this is going to be a lengthy ordeal. I am just thankful she is fine. It could have been so much worse and it was the first time I had ever allowed her on a 4 wheeler. 1st and last!!!!!!!! I have somehow managed to maintain most of my sanity through this. Of course the temptation is going to be staring me in the face when my husband gets home from the pharmacy. But he is keeping the meds on him, at my request, and THEY ARE FOR MY DAUGHTER so I couldn't live with myself if I took her meds and I don't even want them...I really don't!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't had time to read all the posts...I am so tired. I haven't slept because I couldn't sleep on those wooden cots in the burn unit waiting room so I am very very tired and hopefully I can get some sleep tonight. I am UTI free, I think. No more symptoms anyway. Didn't think much about trams or anything else until today. Now I am home and feeling a little out of sorts from everything that has happened. I don't know if I have just been so overwhelmed or too busy to think about anything while at the burn unit but it is like when I walked into this house it all came crashing down. Not really any physical w/d's at all, just emotional. I will be okay, though. I have to be. I am too many days into this battle to crumble now. I don't even know how many days. LOL...I am not even gonna count right now...I know almost 2 weeks and that is good enough for me right now. I must say, though, that my pain is sooooooo much better. I mean, like unbelieveably better. I am still in pain. Probably a 4 on a scale of 1-10. Nothing I can't handle with OTC medicine. Just got to focus on getting my girl all healed and better..not to mention keeping my family functioning through all this. THANK GOD FOR A SUPPORTIVE FAMILY!!!!! I am so very blessed. Well, I have unpacking, laundry and relaxing to do. I appreciate all the nice comments and notes. It means alot. More than you guys even know. I will be alright..I am really feeling alot better physically. It is awesome. (Just been eating like crazy!!!! LOL) Thanks so much guys and everyone keep up the fight.
Well done tman its a wild ride eh?boopa..Jg..twanghead(great name by the way) Hangin..all you guys doing great.love the way you support and encourage each other.Tramman your doing fantastic keep going..the sleep thing was bad for me too but it did get better on its own.I have a picture in my head of little notes dotted around your house : )
Hillbilly... 49 days that is some achievement well done. salute.
Pharma .i hate to ask you as well.. but what are you taking for chronic pain? as mine has returned after stopping these poison pills.I have bad knees and this weather isnt helping.I need to move to a warmer climate.
Brendan and other Newcomers: First, WELCOME to the best group of warriors you'll ever meet. We are so, so glad you are here.
Brendan, your question about ever returning to normalcy brought such a smile to my face because I can't count the times I asked myself that. It's so complicated. How in the world could I ever be "normal" again after what I have done to my brain? And having lived in the Comfortably Numb state for three years courtesy of tramadol (and for at least two prior to that courtesy of hydrocodone) - would I even know what normal was if it fell from the sky and landed on my chest? What was I thinking??!
Like some kind of primal, instinctive, familiar friend, when Normal returns you'll recognize it. And you'll probably do what I did: revel in the most profound, most powerful gratitude you've ever experienced. I remember how I worried that I would never be normal. That I had doomed myself to a life of misery (either with or without the drug - it was going to be just BAD - less bad, perhaps, without the drug? Well, ANYTHING was better than what I was living in.) So I jumped. It was a Leap of Faith, for sure. It was my willingness to go through hell to prove to God that I was seriously willing to suffer for something better, for even a shot at something better.
When Normal started to show up in my life now and then, and then more and more often and stay longer, I did the only thing I could do. Make my life a place where Normal would want to hang out. And guess what? It's here now. And it stays. At 59 days out from my Declaration of War against the anguish of tramadol, Normal is now my permanent companion. And that is magic.
The fatigue still comes around from time to time, but it's something I can easily deal with. And it doesn't last. The leg aches show up sometimes, especially at night, but they, too, are manageable. Sometimes, yes I'm weird, I actually lie in bed and feel those aches in my legs and SMILE because they remind me of what I have accomplished. They are just the blusterings of an old monster that I long ago banished from my universe. He can rage and scratch and kick up the dust outside the windows, but that's it. Just blustering.
My Brothers and Sisters in Arms, I am proud of every single one of you. So incredibly proud. What you are doing is nothing short of a miracle. You are being born into Life after Tramadol, and such a beautiful morning awaits you. Be strong, be vigilant, and be decisive. Give yourself no alternative except healing. Settle for nothing less.
Shanty -- I don't know the data regarding how long it takes the average person to become dependent on tramadol. I have a friend who told me that she took it for four days, 200mg daily, and had awful RLS, depression, and insomnia upon stopping. My gut reaction is to say get away from the drug as quickly as you can. Just turn and run. The discontinuation symptoms are horrific.
forget_me_not...I just want to say that altough i never took trams..hydro was my drug, however I read your post on here and really must tell you that you are a truly wonderfull person, your words come from your heart, I am certain that you help many..keep doin what your doin!!
hey guys, just checkin in. Still havent taken a tram and had to sit through 3 hours of class tonight..dammit that was hard. In the morning i will be exactly 2 days out, and i know that morning might take a while to get here. But I am hoping to take a couple days off of work just to make sure. But we will see. This morning i went so who knows, maybe i will be able to make it through tomorrow. I always knew i could make it this far, and i know i can make it even further. You guys are definitely a support for me and an outlet. Thanks to everyone who posts, and booba your doing awesome, such a positive attitude. love you all and god bless.. dont forget about me. damn all these newcomers stealing my thunder! Love australia by the way!
Tramman,That combination that you plan to take to sleep should be fine.It is not an overdose.The spanish doxilamina is doxylamine.Ihave seen doses of 100mg diphehydramine in severe allergic reactions so the body can handle one dose at bedtime of 100 mg.I hope you get some rest soon for that is one of the most important things for healing.Once you get thru one night everything feels so much better.GOOD LUCK
Devon.I still have some pain,but tylenol(paracetamol) 1gm every 4 hours with ibuprofen 400mg or aleve in between seems to keep it bearable.My tooth ache is an abscess and I only needed the above to keep the pain away all day at work.This abscess came to a head on the gum beside the tooth and with antibiotic it is going down.I seem to be able to handle pain better now than before because I have no rebound pain.Everybody's pain is different and it is obviously different for you.Some days are worse than others,but nothing I cant tolerate.
GreatWhite...yes, you CAN do it! You can do it One Day At A Time. Take it moment by moment, and refuse to budge. You've come so far. You own your future now, starting right now, and continuing as long as you hold on to that ownership. Don't turn loose...Hang on for Dear Life.
Great white and Devon it is so good to hear from both of you.You both have come such a long way in a short time.When you both started posting you were so desperate,but now full of hope and determination.I love to hear from all the posters and forget me not..what an inspiration you are to everyone.I missed quite a few names,but love you all like my family and hope everyone sleeps tonight and wakes up tomorrow ready to keep fighting.
So I just got finished talking to my aunt about my addiction. She has been my mother since my mother passed away when I was 9 years old. She was so supportive and so caring and kind. Everything I knew she would be but i was just still so scared to tell her. So tomorrow, we are calling some places and some specialists to get me in touch with someone who can talk me through what I am going through and help me try to deal with my emotions without swallowing a pill. Actually my mom's best friend growing up is a therapist, specializing in substance abuse I found out tonight, like 10 min from my house! Crazy how things sometimes work themselves out, we are calling her first thing in the morning. Hopefully i will get some sleep tonight. Love you all and god bless! God has definitely given me a new lease on life and I am going to take full advantage. 41 hours clean as of right this moment!!!
Good boy Great..you have a lot of people behind you and we will also pull for you.Take advantage of all the help you can get because your life is worth so much.Your mom's best friend will understand you and your situation and will probably help you tremendously.Sleep well and think about good things because only good is coming to you.Of course you would be scared and embarassed to tell your aunt about your addiction,but you have come so far that there is no going back,only forward am happy for you because you will come thru this with flying colors.Sweet dreams.
Good Morning everyone. I am ready to start day 13 of this battle. I didn't sleep much last night but I know we are all doing without much sleep. I'm not taking anything to help me sleep and I hope I get back into a regular pattern soon. I am looking forward to this weekend more than I have in a long time. I will be off work and feel like doing something and not just laying around. It gets a little better every day.
good morning warriors. i didnt sleep at all. goin to work and feel like hell but it is day 6. didnt have the RLS anymore tho and that rocks. Maybe going to work will be good for me. greatwhite~congrats. you are doin great.......will post at lunchtime. fight on warriors....
Good morning..My gum abscess has gone down and does not hurt anymore.Will continue with the antibiotic to get rid of it.I had a very restful sleep last night and only take 2 robaxacet extra str at night.This must help me cuz I sleep ok.I am usually able to block out nasty thoughts and concentrate on good things.Booba day 6 has arrived for you and will soon be over and then it will be 1 week.Good for you.I work afternnon and evening again today and will be here most of the am.
Morning Everyone. Made it through the night. Had a very difficult time falling asleep but once I did I slept all night without waking up. My body NEEDED sleep so bad so I am happy I finally got some. I took 2 Tylenol Arthritis pills before bed and they really did seem to ease my pain. I just took 2 more so hopefully will be feeling some relief any moment. My daughter is doing really good. I am so happy about that. She says her pain isn't bad at all, which I am thankful for. She wouldn't take anything for pain this morning so I asked my husband to leave her one percocet for today just in case. They gave her 10mg so I will half it if she needs it, but she swears she doesn't need it. Last night she got sick to her tummy taking a whole pill so I think half will do if she needs it. I think I have her so frightened of pills and for that I feel horrible, but also a little happy that she doesn't want them. She is up and about eating breakfast and in very good spirits. Laughing and singing to her Ipod. LOL.I must say that as of right now I haven't been tempted at all to sneak a pill. Besides I would have to ask my husband for one and I think I have gotten my pride back and wouldn't ask him if I wanted one. He is singing my praises and I couldn't live with myself if I let him, myself, my kids, my family or you guys down. In the past I don't think I could have had ANY opiate around me without taking one. In fact, I know I couldn't have. I know taking just one would lead to taking more and more and undo all I have accomplished.
I am feeling a little anxiety and still kinda like I am in the twilight zone. I am such a creature of habit that being gone for 3 days has just thrown me for a loop...NOT TO MENTION ENDURING IT WITH NO ASSISTANCE FROM THE DEVIL PILL. I will be fine in a couple days. Just in time to make the long drive to the burn unit and get all out of whack again..LOL..
I have read a few posts and I must say that everyone is doing awesome. Any day tram free is worth any agony and that is what I keep trying to remember. I saw that Hanginin is on day 13 which means I am, too..I knew it was almost 2 weeks. LOL..I felt lost not being able to post while at the hospital. I knew you guys have been a huge support system but I didn't realize how much until I was unable to reach out. A HUGE THANK YOU TO YOU ALL!!! I didn't take any of my vitamins or supplements with me to the hospital so I am starting on them this morning and I know that will help me.
Everyone have a great day. Thanks for all the well wishes for my daughter, my family and myself. It means so much. I don't think I could be going through all this without this support system from you guys. In fact, I KNOW I couldn't.
Hi everyone- I'm into my first day. My last pill was at 2ish yesterday. I'm okay right now. Brain's a little foggy, but that could be me.
I'm getting contradictory advice from an old friend who used Suboxone to get off Ultram. She says that's the way to go and that I should at least wait until I see the doctor to ask him. She hasn't tried coming OFF subs though, so I'm not sure I need to go there. I figure I need to see how bad it is first.
Anyway, proud of everyone! Hope I can get some work done. I have a report due this week.
Guys, I was curious about something....My doctor, whom is deadset against pain pills, has always offered me Lexapro if I feel I need it. The last time I was on it was 2002 for post partum and it was supposed to be temporary. Well, I was on it til 2007...not so temporary now is it? I posted a few minutes ago and when I went to log off I just got this OVERWHELMING anxiety and worry. I can't shake it. It has only been a matter of minutes, but it is intense. I know the SSRI in the trams has numbed me so should I wait this sh*t out or call my doc and ask for Lexapro?? I just don't know what to do. Back to friggin minute to minute. Any advice would be so greatly appreciated.
Jenny...Suboxone worked amazing getting me off of Methadone. However, I hated it!!!! I just replaced the Suboxone with the evil trams AGAIN! (BEEN ON AND OFF TRAMS FOR OVER A DECADE) When I was on the Suboxone I never felt any withdrawals from the Methadone. ZERO!! So, I know it works in that aspect. I just hated everything about it and at the time I wasn't wanting to get clean. I wanted my pills and the sublingual Suboxone wasn't cutting it for me...the ADDICT me! Had I taken a more positive attitude towards it and had I actually wanted to get clean I think I would have done great on the Subs. I just wasn't ready and it was my addiction/pain doctor who made the choice for me so I was bitter about the whole ordeal. It is definitely something to discuss with the doctor you are going to see. If you could try the Subs and have your mindset to make it a catalyst to sobriety then it may work for you.
Thanks Notsosunny- Yes, I'm absolutely ready to get clean. I'm tired of this. Hence my hesitancy to even mess with Suboxone. I don't want to be addicted to that too. Also, I want to get pregnant in the Spring...could I be off it by then? There is always a catch with these things.
I'm on an SNRI and I wish I'd never started on any of them. If you've gone off Lexapro, I'm sure you know that withdrawal stinks! It's really tough to turn them down though in the moment. Have you tried all of the natural anti-anxiety meds? If you think you need it, get the Lexapro. I just personally wish I didn't have to deal with coming off another one. Celexa made me really numb too. It's so different for everyone though.
Notsosunny..I never know how to advise people on starting medications because I am always afraid to give the wrong advice.However,why do you not want to take lexapro?It is an ssri antidepressant and often helps anxiety and depression.It is not the type of drug like tramadol which will make you want to take more and more and as long as you stay on a minimal dose that works for you,why not.It seems your depression and anxiety is mainly hormone related because you had postpartum depression and maybe you are close to that perimenopausal age where hormone fluctuations cause many emotions you can not control.There is no shame in taking an antidepressant if needed.I know it is hard to withdraw from these type of drugs,but is it absolutely necessary to stop them if they are helping.You yourself know if you want to take them and if you do not want to perhaps yoga,positive thinking etc may help.I can not relate to a feeling of helplessness,because I have never had severe depression or anxiety that a kick in the but did not help.I just take a few deep breaths and just get on with it.You yourself will know what you can do and what you need to succeed.You are under major stress right now and I understand your anxiety,never mind it being exaggerated by withdrawal.Teen age children gotta love them...are still stressful.
Wait a minute, I'm sitting here feeling all anxious and worked up about this. I'll have 24 hrs around 2pm and I don't think the drugs are out of my system yet. But, I'm making myself crazy worrying about it! Need to switch to feeling grateful! I feel pretty good right now...who knows, maybe it will hold.
I have a really great life outside of this. I adore my husband of about 6 mos. We're going to start a family next year. My job's boring, but I don't have to work Fridays! We travel all the time because we love it and because we can because we don't have kids yet. I have SO much to be grateful for! My brain just isn't automatically wired to think about the positive.
So, in about 5 hours, someone remind me of all that :).
HEY..HG..I am not going to wait 5 hours to tell you that you have already taken a big step by not dwelling on the negatives and emphasizing the positives.You sound like you have a great home life and your efforts will make it even greater.Substances and often food..fill a real or perceived void in our lives..but these voids are only as big as we let them be.Be proud of your accomplishments and fill the void with good things and your life will be more rewarding to yourself.Go girl you are doing well.
Sorry..typed HG instead of JG..I never took typing in school because when I went they did not offer typing to academic courses.Still use the hunt and peck method..I feel like we almost have to go thru the pain of withdrawal,because then this experience become real.If we sail thru with no pain or feelings,we will not remember and it may not be real to us.We have to feel the down and dirty,gritty fight to know that we are really fighting the enemy and winning.Make no mistake...you will win in the end...this enemy is not unconquerable,but we are.We will overcome.
I have a good life too although I probably work more hours than necessary because there is a shortage of pharmacists everywhere it seems.But at home no one nags me about anything..my house is presentable,not meticulous and my family chuckles at my computer addiction.My hubby who works 12 hour days 7 days a week gave me this laptop to keep me amused and I replaced my 'House and garden' TVaddiction with this computer addiction.I really do not have a great interest to travel far but love to reach to people and this has been perfect.I have now conquered my codeine addiction and find I have less pain than before.Because I have rheumatoid arthritis and stand on my feet all day,I really do not do much when I get home except go on computer.Should take up yoga though......
Okay Guys...Talked to my doctor..or his receptionist rather. He won't call me in Lexapro without seeing me in the office first b/c of the length of time I haven't been in the office. I am looking at that as a sign from a higher power. I am going through ALOT right now, so I am gonna ride it out and pray it gets better!!!!
Just ran over a flippin nail when I went to get cigarrettes and my tire is losing air as we speak and my cell phone totally died a little while ago and won't even turn on..Didn't I say the other day when it rains it pours??? I have my daughter's cell though so I am not totally phoneless for now. I just had to laugh. I really did.
I definitely decided I am not going to take the Lexapro. Just feeling kind of desperate and hopeless right now. I am going to try some alternative things to help promote positive thinking. My husband works for the government and we get a 50% discount at the YMCA. I am thinking about joining because I haven't walked or worked out since Friday and I can tell it is going to take ALOT to get me back motivated to start again. If we join the YMCA we have to commit to going 4 days a week to get the government discount. That is incintive enough to go. Plus the pools and sauna would be exactly what I need right now. I have a bottle of st. john's wort and it seemed to be helping me a little but when all this occured with my daughter I didn't even think about grabbing my supplements before we left for the burn unit so I haven't taken any in days.
Well, better instant message my hubby and let him know I ran over a nail and find out what to do about it. When it comes to anything to do with a vehicle I am such a chic...I know nothing about nothing. LOL..
Not so sunny....Do you feel like you are in a Seinfeld episode?When crazy things happen here we say it was like a Seinfeld episode and everyone understands.Your decision sounds ok to me and there is just enough ssri activity in St.Johns wort to maybe help with out getting into higher doses of drugs.Whichever course you take we will support you be help you along.Exercise is wonderful and also distracting.I use to do aerobics and run and when I got the RA everything stopped and the codeine started,That was 15 years ago.I don't need it anymore and do just fine without it thank you.Still need the non rx pain meds tho.
Thanks pharma9 for your info.
I did take " 2 " of the one-day-Tylanol; paracetamol 100mg; Ibrufen 500mg a cup of hot Horlicks ... & gues what ...... I slept. (People it WORKS - get some sleep - read my post to pharma about sleep meds up above)
My legs woke me up because they were excrucating, so in semi-conscious state forced myself back to sleep before they started a kicking & a thrutchin! I was very groggy all day though - maybe just 1 should do the trick. I'll try. Question: What med would be useful for my constantly aching very low back down my legs all the time? Maybe it is because I have being doing NO exercise while under the spell. Is it something to do with the poison sitting there & thus concealing the fact that I have done no exercise. (now the poison is away, I am feeling what is really there)? [complicated] It's all related to the RLS in some way. I was in ther Sauna for over an hour yesterday & same again today trying to cleanse out the poison. The time will come shortly when I am a strapping chap again. Thanks for your support & advice. As I said, a number of us are using you as a sounding board consultant - I do feel that there is something not right about that!! Putting a heavy responsibility burden on you. But, I suppose if someone has the knowledge; use it! - just the same way as if someone has the experience. As always many thanks for support & advice - I am doing ok after my collapse a few days ago. Sincerely .... Tramm
Tramman, It's great to hear you slept! During the first week or so, I watched a LOT of movies and spent a great deal of time just lying down, trying to allow my body to rest even if I wasn't sleeping. The RLS (or RBS as we've come to refer to it, since it's the whole body and not just legs for many of us) made it exceedingly hard at times to be still. As soon as my brain would relax a bit, my legs would ache and kick and back up I would be. And the back pain...I feel you.
My experience was that anything that stimulated serotonin and dopamine production was helpful. Still is helpful. Exercise, even in the tiniest amounts during the worst of the WD, seemed to calm the RBS and pain. 5-htp is something I am finding out helps, too. Warm showers or soaks in the tub were lifesavers. I was convinced that I had significant anatomical or physiological back problems that I had been masking with tramadol, and that I might be seriously disabled for the rest of my life. It was that bad. Turns out that terrible pain really was created, first by the drug, then by the WD. Now that I am further out in the healing process, my back pain is entirely manageable with stretching and, on occasion, ibuprofen.
Hang in there. Better days are just around the corner.
Been offline for a few days as computer has been sick! What a lot has been happening here! (Who needs soaps!) So much is going on that I am not up to speed with everyone but am just glad the same names are still here and that Polly is back! It seems to me that life considers tramadol warriors to be of the elite. Why else would we all get the other rubbish thrown at us AS WELL as w/d from the evil poison. It does seem to pour down on us doesnt it?! (Well done notsosunny - hard when our kids are in trouble).
I am 102 days free of tramadol today - so I dont think my symptoms can be related to that now. But I am only 64 days out of the benzo trap. And I am suffering with depression BIG TIME. I understand that this will probably take a lot longer.Many of you here (looking in even if not posting often) have been down this road and know what I am going through. I am very scared that this is 'extra' and that even when the w/d go it will still be there. But my faithful KC assures me that I am on track - so somehow I keep going.
Thank you for asking about me Dave. I hope to have good news SOON but sadly not yet! I hope the knees improve for you. The West Country sure is wet at the moment - its been raining on me too in Somerset - all day! (I'm sure that doesnt help the drepression!)
I must look up Tylenol Tram. (I cant take anti-inflammatory meds and I think it might be one.) But so glad you slept. Brilliant news.
Pharma - any suggestions for depression. (And sleep) I am on St Johns Wort, Rhodiola and today began 5htp again. I have also ordered inosital as Madtram suggested. I would take ANYTHING that wasnt a drug to get better! I sleep for about 5 hours a night in 2 hour bursts. (Thanks to herbal medicine and homepathic drops)
What a lot of activity and recovery happening on this board. It's hard to keep up!
Hugs ((((Notsosunny)))) Your daughter sounds like a trooper.
Forget_me_not thanks for responding to the newcomers. As I was reading through I was concerned that no one had responded, but you came through with some really helpful answers.
I feel like I've had a slight setback this week. I've been tired, napping more than I should and overeating (like half a jar of peanut butter in one day overeating). I'm trying not to get down on myself because I know that recovery is not linear. Some weeks will be better than others. But it's all better than being on the evil tram.
For those of you trying to make decisions about taking medication or other important matters. Take a deep breath. You are on the road to recovery and you will make the right decisions for yourself when the time comes. And everyone here will support you no matter which path you take.
Awwww Thanks Lilly and Everyone. Man, she is a trooper for sure. She said she was enjoying the Princess treatment. She has no clue how much I am suffering through it. LOL...I just woke up. Day sleep seems to come easier for me and I will take it when I get it. I just hope I didn't mess myself up for tonight. I only slept an hour so hopefully I will be fine.
Pharma...I do indeed feel like I am in a Seinfeld episode. That is so funny and so appropriate for my last several days. I have certainly learned to NEVER say "what could go wrong next"...BECAUSE SOMETHING WILL.
Lilly, I am overeating, too. I am feeling so sluggish and I forget who it was craving the KitKat minis..I think Pharma..WELL, NOW I AM RIGHT THERE. This Halloween candy is more tempting that the 10mg percocet on my daughter's nightstand. I promise you guys that. All I want to do it eat. UGH!!! It is like I can feel myself expanding. I am going walking today if it kills me. I have eaten mini Heath bars and mini 3musketeers ALL DAY. When I was on the trams I never ate. Even when I was hungry I didn't eat because I had myself convinced it killed my buzz. THE BUZZ I COULDN'T EVEN ACHIEVE ANYMORE!!!! HaHa! Kinda silly but hey...I thought and did alot of silly things over pills.
Tramm...I had a little time to go back and read posts and I saw your post about finding the 2 trams and taking them. DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP!!! You haven't messed up your progress. You had a temporary little set back, that is all. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THE TRAMS. As forgetmenot mentioned in her journal....YOU ARE IN CHARGE NOW, THE DRUG ISN'T! March on and forget it happened...Or better yet, don't forget it happened and remember how you felt if you run across anymore. We have all come too far. I think anyone on this site has come a long way. We are all here for the same reason to get off these meds. Ok...I am going to make myself go for a walk shortly. It isn't going to be as long as I usually do. I am taking it slow. My legs, back and hips are hurting so I don't want to push it. Unless I get out there and feel better as I start walking. Hubby said I could join the YMCA so I am definitely still considering that, too. We'll see.
I walked to the pharmacy near my office just to get out and get a diet coke today! Enjoyed the walk. I'm tired, but otherwise really not feeling the withdrawal. I don't really understand. I just assume it hasn't hit me yet and I'll get it tonight or tomorrow?
Jenny, you may be one of the lucky ones that don't suffer too much from w/d's...Plus you tapered so I know that probably helps so much. I would tend to get myself anxious anticipating the w/d's. It only caused me more anxiety and dread. Try to stay optimistic and happy that you are feeling well. I now wish I would have appreciated my feeling well moments more. LOL...
And post here when you are feeling down, depressed or tempted.
I went for a short walk. Not nearly enough to burn off my calorie consumption, but it is a start. At least I got out there and did it. Another small victory. Time for me to pull it together and cook dinner.
I am a re-recovering addict hoping to find a little comfort and relate to all of you. About a year and a half ago I quit a two year run with lortab and lorcet. I made it about two months then fell off the wagon. Then about 6 months ago I just couldn't take it anymore. I just seemed to be taking more and more lortabs every day, so I went to my GP and she put me on tramadol to detox. Man for the first month it was awesome and I had hopes that I could quit all drugs and finally be free. Boy was I wrong. I got addicted to the tramadol. When I tried to taper off I would get panic attacks and be so depressed I just couldn't seem to stop crying. I started counciling and the councilor suggested that I see a psycologist. I am now currently on Lexipro and down to my last 3 tramadol. I have been tapering for about a week. Each day the pysical WD symtoms increase but with the Lexipro the depression decreases. I am afraid of the day that I have no pills because I know what WD feals like. I absolutely hate not moving. I just cant stand the lack of energy. The doctor prescribed me Ativan for the panic attacks but will that help me with the lack of energy? Or will it at least calm the fears that I have? Oh and I want to say thank you to all of you who are fighting this with me. I am uplifted by the ones who made it and comforted by the ones who are fealing it with me right now.
me1414 she put you on tramadol to detox? Sounds like your doc's a little confused. Tramadol is by far more addicting than any other pain pill i have ever taken in my life. I am 2.5 days clean now from Tram and felt like **** this morning but i am feeling better tonight. The sleep hasnt been there yet for me, so hopefully that will stop. But its good that you tapered because I did too and i had less w/d symptoms than most people who posted on here. Its mainly a mind game for me. But i laughed my *** off when I flushed my trams down the toilet! Most fun i have had ever flushing a toilet because I knew right then that I had changed my life. My advice- get off the tram. Dont pick it back up. It is a DEVIL DRUG and should be illegal! It is so easy to get and recommended all the time by doctors and people just keep gettin addicted. Get angry at the drug and its withdrawal symptoms and you will never want to experience it again. 3 or 4 days of feeling crappy doesnt even compare to a lifetime of never being controlled by the Devil Pill again !!!
Ahhhhh almost day 3 folks.. things are looking up even though its freezing in NY. Lets GO YANKEES!!!
Yeah she put me on it to detox and the psycologist told me that tramadol was not an a drug that you can get addicted to. So why all the wrong info? It drives me crazy. All I know is that the Lexipro was a blessing for me because I dont think I could have handled the depression otherwise. I am definately going to be drug free. I have had so much more pain from being on drugs than being sober. Way to go on your 2.5 days!
Every time I log on here and read everyone's posts I get overwhelmed with pride. How is that possible? I don't even "know" all of you! Or maybe, just maybe... I do.
I know all of you as well as I know myself. I know you better than anyone else knows you right now at this moment. I know how disoriented you are, or have been, because of this addiction that has dug in and set up camp in your life. I know how you feel you've been evicted from your own existence. You can remember bits and pieces of who you used to be, the energy you used to have, the vitality you once possessed but are convinced you have lost for good. I know you feel afraid when you wake up in the morning. That you feel afraid you won't sleep tonight. I have sat with you through those long, deadly-silent night time hours when there's nothing stirring in the world except your own restless legs, panic, dread. What will tomorrow bring? Can it get any worse than this? Can I handle it if it does? And worst of all, what will happen to me when my bruised brain hijacks my will power, when the depression gets so bad that I can't make rational decisions anymore? Then what?? I was at that brick wall with you when you dug so hard that your fingers bled trying to get through it.
And when you sat down and cried. And when you started to feel the heaviness and hopelessness lift. When the tramadevil raged off and left you alone for a few seconds that First Time. And hope was born.
I also know your strength, your faith in that Declaration of War on the addiction. I have seen your stare down the pills, even flush them down the toilet. What kind of strength do you possess that you could do that, actually DO it? Strength that I want to possess, too -- so much that I opened the medicine cabinet door and got out the bottle with 90+ pills in it and, to share that with you, flushed them down and shared your liberation, your rebirth into Life After Tramadol. Like a one-year old child who suddenly realizes he just turned loose from the wall and is standing all alone on his own feet, and for a moment feels that weird blend of pride and fear, you are learning to balance yourself against gravity. To shift, when the floor falls out from under you on one side, to the other foot, but most of all, to stay upright. To balance. To refuse to reach out and grasp for something to help you stand. Because deep inside you know how to do it. And you don't ever want to lose that independence again.
Let NO setback ever paralyze you. But don't be deceived -- gravity comes out of nowhere sometimes. Your legs get tired and weak and shaky. The weariness will get to you in moments, but just as quickly, you find yourself, your legs again. And all along, they are getting STRONGER. More agile. More flexible, more skilled. You are learning to stand, to walk, to run once again. To jump those hurdles, to scale those brick walls.
You are Healing.
When you falter, give yourself NO OPTION except to try once again and, that time, to succeed.
I know how thankful you are for Second Chances. And third ones, fourth ones...
For the hope you feel each time you survive a moment you thought you couldn't.
Dear Forget me not,thanks so much for your reply,i have been away for a few days visiting my children.It was a blessing to hear that there is hope after life on this dreadful drug.I am still on 2 fifty mg caps,one at noon and one about midnight to sleep.I will slowly extend the noon one until i can cut it out.I am also into my 5th day off cigarettes after nearly 40 years of smoking so i'm feeling slightly different to say the least.Its not intolerable though.I also had to give up alcohol as it interacted badly with tramal.She is certainly a harsh mistess demanding total devotion,hopefully i've almost got her beat and i'll see whats in store for me down the track.Once again thank you for your welcoming kindness and may life bless you.
Thanks Notsosunny! Maybe. I've never been one of those lucky ones LOL. Celexa, smoking, it all sucked.
Brendan, quitting smoking is terrible, but it's the best thing ever. Find a support group for that too. It will take time to recover and not have cravings, but believe it or not, it comes. There comes a day where smoking is no longer an option. I used to watch things, like Hurricane Katrina and think, gosh I'd be smoking/drinking/using too if I were there. But, for me, smoking and drinking are no longer on that list. I like to think using isn't either. It's feeling that way!
I have a feeling tomorrow isn't going to be like today LOL. Maybe the ERs made it stay in longer, who knows? I'm just glad I have you guys. I hope it won't be so awful and then I can tell others that it's not always so bad physically. The mental game will be tough. Was okay today though :).
Hey guys. Notsosunny. I'm very proud of you. I know its been rough with all the other issues but you've proven how strong you are. Notsosunny and I will hit day 14 tomorrow. 2 weeks. I can honestly say its been the best thing I've done in a long time and while very difficult is something that everyone can do. The trams rob you of emotion and life. The amazing thing that everyone who is off for a few days says it that they enjoy life again. If you are thinking of going ct just do it and hang on. This group of wonderful people are here for you no matter what and everyone truly wants you to succeed. Keep strong and
we can all win this battle together.
Back from work and had to read all the wonderful posts.Everytime forget me not writes I get choked up.She must be a writer or something.Such feeling,such emotion,I just love reading your posts forget me not.I love reading everyone's posts.I was so proud that Tramman finally slept,just as excited as i was when my first baby finally slept thru the night.Notsosunny,I can relate to the kitkats..I gave most of mine to the food bank...just kept a few for me of course.They have been my biggest temptation so far.We did not have a single trick or treater at my house so I had a lot of candy left over.Chrissie,i don't know of many natural products that induce sleep other than what you have tried.My knowledge base is more in the drugs and I know that doxylamine can induce a good sleep with a little less hangover than diphenhydramine.Some places suggest 75mg doxylamine or 100mg diphenhydramine .The maximum daily dose for an adult of diphenhydramine is 400mg in divided doses.The body can handle 100mg at a time.Good to see notsosunny joking with us.Everyone is so positive lately.I guess that is progress.I also suggest2 robaxacet ex strength instead of 2tyl ex strength to help with pain and restless muscles.
Hanginin just keep hanging in.Tomorrow will be 14 days...half a month.Soon you will be catching up to me.I am opiate free the same number of days as hillbilly.Greatwhite,you were so afraid to flush the remainder of your pills but you did it anyway.Good for you and keep up the good work.Love and good healing to all.
I have just had so much time to experience and think about all of this, that sometimes, I read things that bring it all together. And I want - need - to put it down into words here. Because this group of people has kept me sane, or as Hillbilly said, on the straight and narrow. Without you all I don't know if I would have found the courage to step out on day one.
I feel a kinship with all of you. We're really in this together. And I am seriously So Very Proud of every single one of you. Few outside the Band of Warriors will ever really "get" the massive mountain we are all climbing. But we get each other. We tread the same ground, even if we do it in different shoes.
WOW...What could I possibly add to that wonderful post of forgemenot.I second that emotion fmgI feel that together we have generated a powerful force that reaches each one of us and helps us to individually and collectively vanquish this enemy from our lives.
Thanks Pharma for all the suggestions for sleep. I took Nytol last night and slept much better. The trouble is it is habit forming so I can only do it every now and again.
Also I just wanted to flag up that tylenol contains acetaminophen - the drug we in the UK call paracetamol. So this shouldnt be used with straight paracetamol if I understand correctly. I am sure you will be kind enough to put me right Pharma if I have misunderstood. I just wanted to be sure that folk realised this for their safety.
Morning Everyone. I SLEPT AND DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A HARD TIME FALLING ASLEEP. I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. LOL..I guess I am just totally exhausted. I didn't even sleep like that while on the trams. I think I got 6 or 7 hours which is a record for me. Forgot to even take valerian root or anything. YAY!!!!! Even if it was just luck that I slept I am happy! Have a slight little headache this morning but other than that I am actually feeling pretty good. Yesterday afternoon I started getting the RBS pretty bad, but before I knew it had subsided. One of the kids got on my laptop while I was at the burn unit and now it is running horribly. I have to work on that today. I don't know what they could have done. Anyway..I hope everyone has a great day. Also. Thanks to everyone for all the kind words. I appreciate it more than you all know.
Oh...My Mom called me yesterday and told me that I should get Percogesic OTC pain medication if I am in alot of pain. Her neighbor takes it and swears by it. I am going to look it up and see what it is all about. It is supposed to have a muscle relaxant quality?!?!?! I am not familiar with it so I am going to read up on it.
good morning all. day 7 for me. still draggin but i am still tram free. will log on at lunch, if i get a break. have a great day and keep fighting. goin to see Janis Ian in concert tomorrow night and am very excited about it. fight on warriors.......
Congrats Hanginin and Notsosunny! Two weeks rocks. Also, congrats to Pharma and Hillbilly for 51 days now I think.
Awesome Booba too! Janis Ian will be a great way to celebrate.
Well, I'm still okay. A little fatigued, but honestly, I usually am. I did have some RBS before bed, so I doubled my klonopin (back to my old dose) and doubled my melatonin, which is only 10mg total and I was out. I've actually felt more awake in the mornings. I think I've been tired in the mornings due to the tramadol and klonopin combo. Now, I don't feel so hungover.
Still a little tired and works always a drag. I see the psych today. We'll see what he says. I figure he can still help me with PAWS, not finding another addiction, and then tapering off Klonopin and Pristiq in awhile, so that I can get pregnant. I have about 4 months before we start trying.
If this is it, I'm so grateful! I'm ready to be done with this drug and plan to close off any access after I give my mom my last fill. I had to borrow on hers for the taper and she really needs it. She doesn't take as much...at most one a day. Anyway, after that I'm going to tell my doctor I don't want anymore ever and get rid of any refills. Temptation is always bad.
Good morning.Seems like a lot of use slept pretty well last night.Chrissie don't worry so much about the nytol because you need sleep more.You can take it 4 or 5 nights a week and not the others.When I first graduated,these antihistamines were the only thing available for allergy sufferers and many people took them every day in higher doses.You are right about the paracetamol or acetaminophen.For you and everyone the max daily chronic dose of acetaminophen should not exceed 4000mg.That is 8 extra strength tylenol or whatever combinationl per day.The maximum single dose is about 1300mg .The tylenol arthritis contain 650 mg each and are taken 2 every 8 hours.Percogesic sounds ok ,much like tylenol pm because it contains tylenol and an antihistamine called phenyltoloxamine similar to doxylamine and diphenhydramine.Orphenedrine is also and antihistamine that has mainly muscle relaxant properties.So with robaxacet,tylenol pm,percogesic available we have some things to help pain and relax muscles and induce sleep.Thses drugs can help us thru our withdrawal symptoms and help ensure success.They used to make phenergan cough syrup in Canada which had an antihistamine that was great for sleeping,but took it off because mothers were giving it their babies to make them sleep and a few babies died as a result of accidental overdose.
GEEZE..I made a few typing errors and the spellcheck did not catch them.I hope everyone understood what I said.I also slept well and my tooth is almost normal with no pain at all.It does not hurt to eat now,but will continue with the antibiotic for 2 more days.Day 14 for hanginin and notsosunny.Those days are starting to add up.Good for everyone.
Wow!! 14 days for Hanginin and Notsosunny!! Way to go, warriors. And Booba, you're in the thick of it right now. I remember at 7 days feeling about as bad as I could imagine feeling and still be alive. It completely amazes me that you are out and functioning at that point. All of you. I was able to stay home during the acute withdrawal phase. Not sure how I would have done if I had had to work. I am raising a 3-year old, though -- and she made sure I "showed up" everyday despite how bad it hurt to do so. She helped me keep perspective. And of course, I wanted to protect her at all cost.
Jenny, you have the right mindset to be thinking ahead to those decisions. Make a plan and stick to the plan.
Pharma, SO glad you are feeling better today.
Gotta run. Will check in and see how everyone is doing later.
Jenny,fmn is right,I notice a change in your mindset.You are not as hesitant and more definite in your attitude.Instead of the can I attitude,you are showing a I will attitude.I saw this in greatwhite as he progressed each day and see a more positive approach from you.It is good to see.
Thanks FMN- I think right now, I'm so relieved to be free of this drug. I thought I would have trouble at work, but for now, I am MORE focused. Yes, my job is still boring, but maybe it's managable. Heck, maybe it will be better.
I do have a runny nose, but that's no big deal. I feel like something must still be coming. I just hope it happens pre-shrink and not tonight.
This gives me hope that I can get off the the benzos and AD too. I really wonder if my Pristiq did pull me through. Previously, I'm sure I had those brain zaps, like SSRI withdrawal, so maybe the SNRI compensated. Withdrawal from that will be fun! Worse case, I could switch to Prozac or some other AD for pregnancy, but I don't want to. I would prefer my baby be born drug from when the time comes unless I'm mega depressed. That's my hypothetical baby, just so no one is confused, I'm not currently pregnant!
Thanks Pharma- Yes, I was overwhelmed by what could happen to me with withdrawals. As someone said, the anxiety of stopping can be worse than actually stopping. I don't have the actual cravings really and when I do, I try to take my vitamin or some B-12 (my vitamin is a 6 times a day thing, so that's a lot of pill taking :)). I know that social situations will be weird because I always took more then since I don't drink. But, I'll get through it. I can always leave if uncomfortable. We're past most of the party stage anyway.
Yes, I actually feel optimistic, which is very odd for me. I don't consider myself to be optimistic. LOL...my first thought is that this is a trick of my body or mind! I'm a realist, so my thought is that there must be more coming. Anyway, I'm off on Fridays, Sat and Sunday, so at least if there is more, I'll be home!
Thanks for all of your support. I hope that if this is it, we can spread the word to others that are worried that it isn't always terrible.
Forgetmenot, your words written last evening were so eloquent. We need to keep what you said in our hearts at times when those on the outside don't understand, like when insensitive doctors call tram "weak". In a way I feel like I don't belong now because I'm on Suboxone and not suffering the way others are. But I have walked through that fire myself and I feel solidarity with all of you who want to get off of this poison for good.
Jenny, notsosunny, booba, tramman and all of you in the early stages - I'm pulling for you. Keep going, you're doing great!
Good morning all! Glad to see that we are all alive and kickin. What is it they say, as long as you're breathing there is a chance to get better! hehe I have really been surprised at the support that I see on this post for one another.I am getting ready to kick all the pills and pot on Monday. I know that sounds crazy but I do have a plan. I still have my percocet 10s and ultrams. I should be out of the percs by sunday or monday, and then i have about 50 ultrams that i am going to use in addition to about 1/4 ounce of marijuana that i am going to smoke the first week of perc WD and when the ultram runs out, it's gonna be over for me. I know it is going to be hard, but I have got to do this. I want a better life so badly for me and my family. i have ran for 20 minutes each night the past 3 nights and am trying to get my diet in order. ive got to try to find some valerian root, didn't you guys say you can get it at gnc? anyway, guys ya'll please pray for me and i will you guys as well. The next time I'm on here hopefully I will be free from the percocet and on my way to being ultram free and totally clean!
Actually Pharma, maybe the 90 days worth will cover the ones I stole as well, although I suppose I may actually have to make amends for that. It really shames me that I stole. I've never stolen in my life. I'm a total addict though. Now I really know this.
Lilly, you still belong. I feel guilty too, that I am not going through more pain, but that doesn't change that the drug is hard to kick and that it is easily abused. We are a testament to that. I am certain I will miss it at times and that's why I need this group. I think group support is more for PAWS than for detox...well, for both.
BrighterDay- You can get Valerian at health food stores. I got the capsules, but some get the tea. It sounds like you're doing a fast w/d. If you can taper the Ultram, I would. I haven't smoked pot in years, but maybe it will help? Not sure though. Just don't try to take too much on at once. I find I drive myself crazy by trying to fix every aspect of my life at once...drugs, diet, etc. Go easy on yourself.
Lilly...you belong as much as anyone.I sometimes feel a bit of an imposter because I was only addicted to codeine.But the withdrawal process is the same and we just represent a different approach and view of the same problem.I like to hear from you and to see how you are doing because we all have to tackle this in the best way we know how.The end result is a clean and useful and fullfilling life for us all.I am pulling for you Lilly as much as for anyone here.
Be easy on yourself brighter,but also firm.Out of all those addictions I think pot is the least harmful and maybe to ensure success you can tackle that one later.I certainly think you can cut down or taper your pot use but trying to stop all at once sounds super tough.I had some suggestions above for withdrawal pain and RLS and sleep,but you have to not exceed 4000mg acetaminophen total dose a day.You do want a liver You can read one of my posts just above about otc drugs that help.Good luck and keep us informed and we will reach out and help you.
Has anyone used valerian whilst w/d from benzo's? I have been using herbal medicine with it in (especially made up by a medical herbalist). I think it is the only way I get any sleep at all unless I use Nytol. (Thanks for comments on that one earlier Pharma) . But now I have been told that the valerian sticks to the same receptors as Benzo's and the internet site I looked at confirms this. Does this mean I am messing up my w/d? Am I keeping the receptors damaged by putting something else on them. (I will be very disheartened after 9 weeks if I am!) I have been so careful to avoid ALL drugs and even get freaked by Nytol. So this would be mega disappointing. (Madtram do you have any idea?). Also does valerian add to depression (and does Nytol come to that!)
Thanks. (How good to be able to pool our knowledge!)
Have to agree with Pharma about the pot, Brighter. It will be great to be free of it but one thing at a time maybe? Sleep is hard off the tramadol and the pot might ease that one. On the other hand it can make depression worse so its a careful balance. Good to see you so 'keen to be clean' though!
Not to be outdone by notsosunny; hanginin; booba; pharma; hillbilly .............. et al.
"I am Day 14" - not going through the days in style, but 'steadily' (without rocking the boat) trying to do normal everyday things. To do a normal everyday chore is to me a "success".
Well done all. And, I'll say it again, thank you all for posting and coming to my aid in times of deep need. There were times that without this board & certain individuals supporting me, I may have buckled.
I'm goin to have a glass of wine tonight - something I have been frightened to do with the Tram for a long time.
Then, I might even go to a fireworks display.
First of All - Lilly and Pharma - suffering is not the measurement needed to be part of our prestidous group.
Addiction affects our lives, our families, our self esteem - it is not a contest as to who suffers the most at all!! Also - you both add so much to this group - your experiences, thoughts and feelings contribute a great deal - I look forward to reading both of your posts.
I just came back from the Dr's - my meeting after my partner had told her about my tram addiction. It went okay - she is on board with the taper - and wants to see me again in 2 weeks. She figures by that point the withdrawal will be starting to get rough and wants to come up with a game plan for that. I was impressed - she is looking into a pain clinic / rehab place in town - no drugs, just learning to deal with chronic pain. She actually apologized for not noticing earlier that I was in trouble.
Wow - I now have one more person on my side - my Doctor!! I am feeling pretty good today.
Tramman- Congrats on the 14 days! Newway- That's awesome about the doctor.
I met my psychiatrist today and he's great! Gave me a blood pressure thing that lowers your BP and takes the edge off withdrawal. Should also help with my klonopin taper he said, when that comes.
Since my withdrawal symptoms are so mild there is no reason for anything else. If anyone wants to know anything else, PM me. Don't want to talk about someone that seems internet saavy on an open forum.
Wow Guys...I am so proud of all of us. I really am. Everyone is doing great. Today is one of my better days. I still feel pretty decent. Not so many extreme highs and lows. I haven't read everyone's posts, but I glanced and I must say that everyone is so inspiring and encouraging. I am in the midst of laundry h*ll...LOL..Better get back to it before I lose my momentum.
I have tapered down to two today. One in the morning and one this afternoon. And boy it is hell. I can sleep at night thank God. I guess it is because Im not all the way out. But during the day I am crazy. I manage to get the boys off to school each morning but then I just lay around and suffer till the next pill. Which I am taking right before I pick up the boys. I can work and do things for an hour or two after that but then I suffer some more. I am currently a stay at home mom so I don't have anything pressing to do to keep me busy. I am anxious and afraid every moment of the day. Worrying about the agony of the pain of total WD and staring at the clock. Time has slowed almost to a crawl. Sleep is my only escape. How do I keep returning to this same place?
Oh and whilst I am suffering I am also thinking alot. And I am wondering, is the one pill I am taking making that much of a difference in my ability or is it a mental thing? I mean 1 pill is not that much really. What do ya'll think?
me~the best thing to do is get a part time job, volunteer, get out of the house and get distracted. and if you are not on any antidepressants, try the aminos on avisg's jjournal page. it helps. i went cold turkey from upwards of 1000 mg trams a day.
booba77, I think you are right. I need to have something to do. I do notice that at night I seem to be in far less pain even tho I am taking the same amount. I still have homework, dinners, baths, and the like to keep my mind busy. I am on Lexipro and that has helped me not be so depressed. I cant believe you went to nothing after 1000 mg. I was only taking 200mg a day, I feel like such a wuss now. It really is mind over matter. You are awesome.
me: I felt much the same toward the end of my taper. Then it hit me - if I was going to feel this bad, why not go ahead and quit? Believe it or not, I actually felt better after quitting because I stopped watching the clock for that next dose. Take Booba's advice (on everything except ABBA) and you'll not go wrong.
in 2 hours i will be 7 days ...what a ride ,,finally got sleep last night about 5 hours well needed,,,,i dont post alot ..but what you all say is so much help ,,,,still have some ups and downs in feelings but this will pass ...the sleep ia have been using advil nighttime hopefully this is ok ,,anybody help me out with this is it ok.....thanks in advance for any help,,,and thanks everyone ,,,,,,,,
Me: I also had a very similar experience trying to taper. The withdrawal symptoms start the second your body is below its threshold dose of tramadol (Fred helped me understand this - I was living in WD even when I was taking a moderate dose, and was taking more just to feel "less unwell" -- major breakthrough for me when I understood this). Which made me conclude the same as Hillbilly and others have: if I'm going to withdraw, I'm going to do it ONCE and for all, not drawn out over a taper. This is definitely an individual judgment call and I am not disparaging the taper method - it has worked for a lot of folks, just not for me.
Regardless how you do it, it will get better soon. Just hang in there.
Tman, it's so great that you are getting some sleep! I recall being in the throes of some serious insomnia at 7 days or so. Everyone's different, though. You will start to have nights of normal sleep very soon! Advil PM or another equivalent source of diphenhydramine, such as Benadryl) is helpful for a lot of folks.
Peace and strength to all my fellow warriors this night.
Hello everyone. Today is day 14 for me and several others on this forum. For everyone who is debating about going off the devil pill let me assure you that it can be done. Regardless of if you taper or go CT there is going to be a few days of misery. There is not really any way out of it that I know but the benefits are staggering after just a few days. Your family and kids will want to be around you and do things with you. You will want to go places and exercise and enjoy life again. Tramadol simply numbs everything in your body including your spirit. I thank God every day for the people on this site. Our little group from all over the world has held together well and we have seen some real progress. I know that I owe a lot to every person who has posted over the last 2 weeks and I am off the next 3 days and I will be looking at day 17 before I have to return to work.
Keep fighting and never quit
Leave my ABBA alone......lol. I love showtunes too. Im such a weirdo. I still feel pretty darn good for 7 days in but the insomnia sux. Really tho i love rock n roll the best and any old soul or motown too.....i know, this isnt a music forum.....me~i think this place alone and these fine people helped me more than anything. read the posts and journals....and reread them. reflecting on the journey helps but you have to focus on the positive. i am very pessimistic but that is about to change for me. i am going to seriously make some changes in my life for the better. I love you guys very much. thank you for helping me thru this. i have a long way to go, but i see a light at the end of the tunnel and im running towards it. i have a child to bathe. goodnight guys......will post in the am.....
ABBA and Janis Ian...quite a difference. My taper was pretty half a**, but I guess it helped because I don't feel that bad. Once you get to 100-150, you might as well go for it! Like Hillbilly and others, I feel better not craving and looking for the next pill. Now I think about it and then it passes! Woohoo! I expect that aspect to get rougher when the newness wears off, but hey, for now I'll take it. I'm hoping this clonidine helps me at night. Also, the addictions guy said my klonopin had probably really helped me at night and I agree.
Going to watch some TV with my kitty and sweety. Feeling fatigued and a little under the weather, but this is ok.
my music tastes really vary. i like it anything really. you will probably have some flu like symptoms but not as bad as i did i hope:) gonna put baby to bed and then laundry n bed. it gets better i promise.
Guys..I am having a horrible night. I swear I thought that I was better today. I mean, it is day 14 and I am all messed up tonight. Just so much anxiety that I feel like I want to scream. EVERYTHING IS MAKING ME INSANE. I just want to scream. I had such an amazing day and then it just all went downhill and nothing happened to cause it...Or maybe it is just everything that has happened has hit me all at once. My daughter goes back to the burn unit on Monday for skin graphs hopefully and I am passing this feeling off as sheer worry and stress. My mother-in-law drove up to go out with my husband and she offered me ativan. I DECLINED!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was tempted, I won't even lie. I told her I was 14 days into the battle and she just hugged me. Very understanding. I know it is something she wishes she could do. (She has been addicted to pills almost 40 years) She didn't announce she was coming until she was almost here so she walked into my disaster of a house. I don't even care about that, but I know my desperation was written all over my face. I am thinking tonight that I may not be able to do this on my own anymore. Maybe this will pass and I will write a bright and sunny post in the morning. All this stress, pain and then the temptation is really getting to me. There was ativan in my face and not to mention the ONE 10mg percocet still in my daughter's room and the 28 more at my husband's office..UGH!!!!! I don't know how I have managed not to buckle. BUT I HAVE SOMEHOW. If I fail just please forgive me and don't follow in my footsteps. I don't want to fail though..not after half a friggin month and all I have made it through with nothing except awesome support, an awesome family and awesome new friends(YOU GUYS)!!!!!! I am going to take a hot shower or bath and maybe this feeling will subside. I am actually feeling alot better than when I started this post.
I stopped Tramadol last week and had very positive results. I would like to share my experience with others in hope that they can benefit from my advice. I won't document day by day as it would be too rambling, so I'll cut to the parts you need to know.
I took Tramadol 18 months. Most days I took 6-7 a day. I tried to stop cold turkey twice in the past 3 months but it was too intense and I always reached for a Tram within 24 hours. On Nov 8, 2009 @ 11PM I took my last Tramadol/Ultram. This time the results of the CT were not so intense. The whole ordeal was no worse than a severe case of Pre Menstral Syndrome. I would like to share with you the steps I took and the foods & supplements which I think eased me through thie withdrawl. It is now day 9 and I feel normal again. I'm out of the Tram fog and actually enjoying experiencing life once more. This is how I fought my battle with Tram withdrawl.
Exercise each day, even if it is only a walk.
LOTS of water. 10+ a day
Gatorade (contains electrolytes which Tram depleted)
Lower caffeine intake. (Do not stop completely as you will get withdrawls from that also. I only have one cup of coffee each morning and it is half regular coffee and half decaf. I have cut out colas and tea which have caffeine)
Limit sugar or eat no sugar. Use local honey if possible instead
Cut out refined and processed foods as much as possible. (At least during withdrawls)
Eat as much fruit & veggies as you can. You will actually love them after you cut out refined/processed foods.
Keep busy and if you feel a bad thought or anxiety coming on then feel it and let it pass naturally, don't fight it.
Lavendar body wash or bath salts and lotion.
Bar of bath soap in bed near legs. This stops RLS....Old wives tales but don't knock it till you try it. I laughed then ate my words.
Talk about your feelings with someone.
These are the supplements I took which I think really helped more than I can express
Emergen-C powder (mixes with water....can buy almost everywhere)
B Complex vitamins
C (Buffered powder if possible)
MSM Powder......VERY IMPORTANT...
SAM-E replaces the seratonin which you lost when you took Tramadol
Melatonin (for sleep @ night)
Inisitol (at night, it makes you tired sometimes) It helps depression & anxiety
Sleepytime Herbal Tea (at night before bed)
Vitamin D-3 (I take liquid, it absorbs faster)
Dandelion Root (cleanses liver)
Milk Thistle (cleanses liver)
Sublinqual B-12 (helps with fatigue)
Royal Jelly capsules (good for you)
Elations glucosimine drinks
A good multi vitamin. I take Alive brand, it is natural and includes everything you need.
Aslo if you can, go to your physician and get a Vitamin B-12 shot.
I know this sounds like a lot, but it is worth it. I have been off Tramadol for 208 hours and feel as if the worst is gone forever. My worst day would have to been day 2. Slight depression, restless, insomnia, and a feeling that the worst would hit at any moment. But it never did. IT ONLY GOT BETTER. Don't give up. I don't even want a Tram. The bottle was still in my purse until yesterday but the desire to take on never appeared. I will never take on of those Traumadols again. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. I'm not an expert by any means, but I do know what worked for me.
debha...I think your experience is awesome.Lots of good advice and everything you used was natural.Good for you and keep it up.Your attitude and enthusiasm is wonderful for all of us.Got to go to work and will check in later with all of you.
Thanks for the encouragement Pharma9! I supposse my reciepe up there is how we should live everyday even if NOT going through withrawls, but it's so easy to do what is not good for us. I so understand what the others who are having a bad time getting off this stuff are going through. Like I mentioned in my previous post, I tried twice before to rid myself of Tramadol and it seemed impossible. But now I know that NOTHING is impossible if you set you mind to change. I didn't think I would ever be able to enjoy life again unless I had taken a Tram. Well now I know that was false. It's even better without the darn things. It's so great to actually feel what life is about again. I love it. Peace to you all and I know we can all beat this Tramadol monster.
Ugh! It appears more and more to me that those of you who have originally found these posts close to a year ago now have all dwindled away and moved on with their lives... hopefully with some success. I pretty much have gone on and off with these posts, looking for encouraging words and tips as to how to stop this possession I have been dealing with the past six years.
I've tried about 4 times to quit, each time stumbling downhill, basically wanting to kill for some tramadol, or kill myself. I know how hard this is... but the other day I received some bad news..... REALLY BAD NEWS... that have basically given me an Ultimatum... either get off the TRAMS or DIE... being a loving father of two young ones and a beautiful wife, I have chosen to live... but am finding it so hard to combat close to six years of Tramadol use.
Here's the underlying problem (as I'm sure I could type a 5,000 page essay as to how I got on the trams,) but that's not the issue. The issue is the decision to take Tramadol will lead to my death.
About three years into taking Trams, I had a normal blood test done, which showed elevated levels of Eosinophils. Typically, high eosinophil counts are associated with allergies and parasitic infections- in which generally occur if you've been out of the country. Since I didn't have any allergies and never was out of the country, my general practitioner recommended I see a hematologist, thinking I might have a form of Cancer or something like Hodkgin's lymphoma. The good news was that the tests for Cancer came back negative. The bad news was that doctor's ruled out this problem and basically said "it must be some type of allergy" and that I shouldn't worry about it. So I didn't worry about it. I just went on doing my normal thing- taking Trams every waking hour- like usual. Every year, get a blood test... everything else normal except Eosinophil count getting higher and higher (normal range 30-600 count- mine was at about 1200).
Just this past year, got test again- Eosinophil count was at 1700. Caused doctor to send me back to the Hematologist, who basically labeled me with Hyper-Eosinophilic Syndrome- meaning that they have NO CLUE what is causing the high eosinophil count- BUT ALL ALONG I KNEW IT WAS THE TRAMS- but yet kept it a secret. The fact is, there were like only 50 labeled cases of Hyper Eosinophilic Syndrome in like 10 years in the US. I would've had a better shot at winner the lottery than being diagnosed with this disorder. I KNEW IT WAS THE TRAMS. I kept this addiction a secret because I just didn't want to tell my doctor- a good friend- that I have been taking these damn pills for the past SIX YEARS without his knowing- buying them online from various online drugstores from site to site. What started out as a temporary fix six years ago to a man in college without health insurance had led to a full out hidden BLOWN ADDICTION to TRAMADOL.
I was sent to a blood doctor at PENN MEDICAL, one of the best in the country. At this point, I've had enough- new doctor- no need to hide my addiction- so I came clean. He was amazed. He didn't even look at my chart yet and had told me to get off them. I said the usual "I know, I know... " but knew he didn't know ANYTHING ABOUT TRAMADOL ADDICTION.
It was a few weeks later when I got the call. The doctor had done some research and TRAMADOL DOES INDEED CAUSE A HIGH EOSINOPHIL COUNT- generally in older senior citizens, but in my case, appeared to be the case. THE BAD NEWS: high eosinophils cause damage to the heart and lungs and other major organs. I'm 28, and since I've let this go on for the past few years without treatment (generally prednisone and other corticosteroids to lower the levels) I have already started to damage my vital organs.
That is when I was issued basically a death warrant. Either GET OFF THE TRAMS or DIE. Kinda is something I bet no one had to realize here on this forum, huh? Pretty eye-opening. Now I'm coming out... primarily because I'm asking for help... for guidance. I've read the posts... tried before... but now HAVE TO QUIT.
I tapered rather drastically (dropped from 800 mg a day to 300 the next day, to 150 yesterday... now I'm officially on DAY ONE- and it's already starting to affect me. Experiencing general anxiety, malaise, weak body... all the typical stuff you read about here in these posts.
If there is anyone out there.... any word of encouragement will help. I know I can't do this alone.
As I write this, my 9 month old son has wondered up to the computer... staring with a half-smile up at me. I want to see him grow older... take him out and do things- father and son.... I NEED TO LIVE.
HI everyone I am JMAN520.Been off and on tram for the last five years.Same bad results as always.This last go around got on 200 mg caps and was taking10 to 12 a day.Chronic pain person(prostate,peripheral neuropathy in feet,lower back pain)Right now about 7 or 8 days since I went c/t and I have the shivers pretty bad. My internal thermostat all screwed up.Loss of sleep not to bad as I have ambien.My emotional state almost as first time I kicked after being on for 3 years.Reduction of my IQ down to about chimp level.Been through this so many times(approx15to20) and I just want to be off and to stay off.Want to get off the merry go round permanently this time. bye.
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