Nov 13, 2009
Yes, this is the first time I've been told I had a disease to deal with since I was diagnosed bipolar for the second and final time, in 1994. This time, the disease is a bigger killer with more power than BPD. With BPD you can choose to manage the disease, take your meds, make the right choices, etc. But with this new killer disease I've just been told about, it does as it pleases. I can only do what I can and I feel insignificant to its success in taking out humans. It is viral cardiomyopathy, left part of heart muscle dead, pumping weakly at 35 percent (normal is 60 percent), beat is all crazy, and an abdominal bruit....gosh did I forget anything? The GP told me things could be done to help me and my heart, but what I've read here states it's a killer!! I did read that there is evidence that heart muscle cells can regenerate or be generated, a guy out of Stockholm, Sweden. So just when I thought in my life I might see my way clear to some place of career satisfaction, retirement, and freedom; I find I am barred from within. My enemy and my best friend live as one, within my own rib cage. A battle is being fought. My heart is running down. The hour glass is patiently letting the sands pass through, slowly the grains will pass, until my lights go out. It is reason for fear and anxiety and worry; while yet I try to keep in good spirits and do my work.