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So frustrated. I don't even know what to do.

Nov 23, 2009 - 5 comments

I'm so frustrated right now. I don't even know.. *#%*(@

My friend's been especially mean to me lately, and it seems like it's only me. And I don't know WHAT I'm doing to provoke it. I'll just go through today, for example.

I went to school late because I didn't feel well this morning, so I came in during third period and she doesn't even bother asking why I was late (we have all the same classes too), she just said "hey b****, I need my world studies notes back!" And I nodded and said I'd give them back once we got into the classroom. When we got into the room I handed them back and asked if I could look them over again in intervention and she goes, "UGH! You've had them for like a week!" And I said, "No.. I had them over the weekend, and I was gone so I didn't get to look at them." And she starts grumbling, "Well it's your fault you know." and I said, "Yeah... I know." and she just goes, "Yeah. Your fault." Like I didn't already know? Then she kept yelling at me randomly during class. I just got to the point where I ignored her for the rest of that class.

The next class she basically told me that my opinion didn't matter and told me I was stupid or a dumba$$ numerous times. A few classes later she kept telling me to shut up so she could talk, then I asked her to hold on so I could finish writing my definitions and she said, "GOD, you made me forget what I was going to say! It was important! Thanks, Danielle. Thanks a lot, b****."

Last period, we had a HUGE test that I was cramming for. I was studying with my friend (ex best friend), Courtney, and she kept interupting me so I asked her to be quiet so I could study. She had a little tantrum and just didn't talk to me. During the test everyone was talking. I mean EVERYONE. I turned around and talked to Courtney every once in a while..  When the bell rang she freaked out because she had just finished her test and complained that everyone was talking. I said, "Yeah... it was really loud in there. But the test wasn't that hard.." And she glares and practically yells, "YOU WERE TALKING TOO, YOU KNOW!" And I said, "Yeah.. I know....?" And just has this freakout attack.

I was so frustrated. I just started crying after she left and I thought it was PATHETIC that my ex best friend had to comfort me. $*Y^@)($&@

Blah.

SUGGESTIONS?!

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184674 tn?1360860493
by AHP84, Nov 23, 2009
Wow, I do not miss high school drama...not one bit.

I don't really have any suggestions for you, but I guess I just want to ask one question. Why do you let people talk to you and treat you like that?
It wouldn't be wrong to say, "Please don't talk to me like that. I didn't do anything to you, I don't talk to you that way, so what makes you feel you have the right to call me names?" There's nothing wrong with demanding respect for yourself.

The way I see it is, people who are "friends" can have their bad days too when they flip out and have mood swings over the grass being green and the sky being blue, and they have a right to be as cranky and miserable as they wish to make themselves, but no one has a right to verbally attack and degrade another person for no apparent reason, especially a person they call "friend."

I don't know, maybe I've been through too much verbal abuse to tolerate that [email protected] anymore. I used to let people say stuff like that to me and let it get me down or get me frustrated, not really understanding what I did to provoke that person. The fact is, 99% of the time, you HAVEN'T provoked the other person, they're just projecting their frustrations, insecurities, or what control they think they have onto you to make themselves somehow feel better. But you don't have to take that.
I guess I figured that out best with my ex bf. He would get so worked up and treat me like dirt, calling me names and saying things to degrade my self-worth, and for years I let him do it. I guess I felt I somehow deserved it, I don't know.
But I got sick of it after awhile and every time he'd blow a head gasket around me and talk to me that way, I'd just look him in the eye, or say firmly on the phone, "Do NOT talk to me like that. I will not continue a conversation with you if that's all you have to say and can't offer anything better for whatever we're arguing about."
If he'd continue, I'd hang up the phone or I'd walk away. But I used to sit there and cry and let him cuss at me and basically tell me I was worthless on some level. It sure made him feel like a big, smart, assertive "man," to see me become a pitiful, sorry-for-whatever-I-did-you're-somehow-right mess.
After awhile I quit apologizing to him for everything I never did and stood up for myself, demanding to be spoken to as an intelligent, competent person who deserved respect. I never once had to raise my voice, I never had to continue a pointless argument, and I never had to deal with feeling pathetic again. All it took was simply saying, "Don't talk to me like that, or this conversation is over."
It's not worth feeling that badly about yourself because of someone else's insecurity, anger, bitterness...whatever it is that those kind of people feel so as to belittle others to make themselves feel superior.

808144 tn?1332724340
by iwouldbdanielle, Nov 23, 2009
I don't know why I let people talk to me that way. I guess it's partly due to how I grew up. My parents talk to me that way, so... I'm used to being treated like [email protected] I'm gonna try telling her that and see how it works. I can't keep doing this mood swing stuff. It's whiplash. :\

Thanks for responding! It really was helpful!.

1086746 tn?1288624389
by NiCeeGlover, Nov 23, 2009
Hi Sweetie,
I had a daughter who went through some thing like this w a friend.
I know it's so tough on you kids out there sometimes.
Look for something in yourself that you like and learn  to love and accept you first.
You do not deserve this kind of disrespect.
So be kind, don't stoop to their level,
but let them know that you want to be treated w respect the way you treat them.
Good luck!
NiCee

784382 tn?1376931040
by turkee23, Nov 24, 2009
danielle i know how u feel.... im sooo nice to my friends and my bf tells me all the time " your are too nice of a friend", but to ME there is NO such thing as being TOO GOOD of a friend....there is no limit to the things i will do for my "friends", weather its a ride, to borrow money, or for their childern....

my bday was last week and my bff and i were supposed to go out, she was supposed to plan the night for us to go out, came down to the few nights b4 and she told me that she was going out with another one of our friends and not me.....just like that  she even told me that she "couldnt sell out carissa cause it was her bday"...(her bday was a few days b4 mine),,,,UMMM HELLLO??......oh and some jistory on me and my bff ....bff for 17 YEARS!, she slept with my ex boyfriend and i STAYED friends with her through everything... every holiday I am the one getting HER daughter easter baskets, halloween costumes, xmas gifts, fireworks for thr 4th, EVERYTHING cause her mommy doesnt "do the holidays".....and this wasnt the first one of my current friends that did this to me......now i am just being more aware, knowing my limits and what i should and shouldnt do for certain people...

i would tell you that it gets easier as you get older, but thats really not the case....people will be people no matter how nice you are them. some people will even take advantage of great people like me and you .....keep your head up ...be careful who you call your friends cause you really never know, im not saying dont ever have friends but dont give your all so quickly, i had to learn the hard way, but thats just the type of person i am. i like making people happy and i like having people be there for me, but i do have to hope and pray when i need somehting that they are there for me like i was for them.... in the end you gotta be there for you!....

dont worry we are all your friends here and we looooove you!

808144 tn?1332724340
by iwouldbdanielle, Nov 24, 2009
I think a lot of people don't realize that friendship is a two-way relationship. It's not necessarily fair to break over your friend when they won't even bend for you.

I loooooooooooove you too. :P lol

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