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Success: Kicking butt, herpes and all

Jun 19, 2008 - 7 comments





sex with herpes



an article written by freelance columnist, mQ

Ok, so I know what you guys are thinking: herpes is a success? How on earth? Isn't herpes that disease you get that bothers you all the time and spreads like a stinky fart in a crowded elevator? Actually, it's not. And I'll tell you why. I'm here to tell all you readers out there, whether you have herpes or not, that you can kick butt with herpes. I'm living proof. I've had herpes for almost four years now and I can tell you that it hasn't been the life altering in a negative way bomb that I thought it would be. This is not a mushroom cloud, folks. It's a blip. It's one more wrench thrown in the wheel of life.

I got herpes from my first boyfriend and I never thought I'd be able to date again. I quickly got over that as soon as I realized I wanted sex and kissing and breathless "Did you hear that? I think someone's coming" when getting into a heavy petting session in my dorm room at college. So I decided I'd be responsible. I started to research information on herpes, arm myself with knowledge so I could then tell my suitors how best to protect themselves. My first relationship after herpes, armed with all my knowledge, my desire to get busy in the bedroom and my inner mantra of "I am not my herpes", I set out to tell my then-boyfriend. But then I balked. I freaked out. I seriously debated breaking up with him instead of telling him my scary secret. But I didn't. I decided I wanted to let ME decide my life, not a stupid virus who wouldn't even get to feel the JOYS of an orgasm. Why does a virus get to rob me a much deserved orgasm? Well, herpes ain't keeping me away, I thought. So I told him. And I expected shock or anger or fear or a flat out rejection. And I especially anticipated that considering I started crying halfway through my telling! Instead, he pulled me to him and told me I was a beautiful and honest woman whom he had even more respect for now because of my integrity. It made him want to sleep with me MORE, because he knew he was getting into something good with someONE good. I felt peaceful, happy and safe.

Fast forward a few years. That relationship didn't work out for unrelated reasons, I dated a few guys with herpes that didn't work out (turns out guys with herpes can be just as judgmental as those without it. Shame on me for my own reverse stereotypes). I meet a guy randomly one day and we hit it off. We talk for weeks. We share so much together and we're not even intimate. Eventually the moment comes where I realize that this could easily go to the next step (and you all know I'm talkin' about a lil mattress dancin') and I just blurt out that I have herpes before I even get a chance to psych myself out of it! Guess what? He said something that trivial isn't gonna scare him away. I guess that means I'll have to double up my efforts on letting my true (crazy) self show through just to see if he means it. Almost two months later and he still does.

So, really, dear readers, it's not even about herpes at the end of the day. It's about being true to yourself and deciding whether or not you're gonna let a virus (who, let me remind you, doesn't get to experience the wonders of an orgasm) rule your life, sexual or otherwise, or if you're gonna grab your own life by the reins and take charge.

Are you up for the challenge?


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Avatar universal
by waringblender, Jun 19, 2008
What a great story. Thanks for sharing. :)

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by gracefromHHP, Jun 20, 2008
I'm glad you posted this in your journal jess!!  I think it's just such a great story and touches on the way so many folks are feeling :)


Avatar universal
by notalone13, Oct 01, 2008
Thank you fro sharing your story, :) Means alot I have had this for 2 years now and it has been a life changing experience for me!

Avatar universal
by ls16, Nov 11, 2008

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by auntiejessi, Nov 12, 2008
mQ, the author of this article, isn't a member here, but wanted me to pass on how happy she is that her words have helped people.  She wrote this several months ago, and she said that even now, reading back on it, she is amazed at how much time and energy she put into worrying about herpes.

And she thanks you for sharing your comments.  :)


Avatar universal
by wallarookiller, Nov 13, 2008
Wow I love inspiring stories. I got herpes last year and didn't even know it cause the Herpes symptoms are so mild. I hope that when I meet someonen that they give the same response as some of your past men.

Avatar universal
by rafikial, Apr 20, 2010
thanks for your story. I just broke up a few months ago with my ex. When I told him I have herpes he said he wasn't sure if he wanted to keep dating and then he said he wanted to give it a try. Then 6 months later, he said he couldn't keep putting himself in such a risk when having sex. I guess he didnt really see us being together for a long time. I did feel kind of bad after that was the main reason for the break up(there were some other reasons but that was the big reason). I guess everyone is afraid of rejection but like my friend told me. If someone cannot look over pass that then they are not worth your time and actually herpes is a good filter to see from people who will really care about you and from those who will not. I hope your dating life is going awesome

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