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Tramadol & Ultram Recovery Room Part 24

Dec 15, 2009 - 232 comments














Welcome Tramadol Warriors!

Please come in and make yourself at home. All are welcome, we're very happy you are here!

Love and Healing,

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by forget_me_not, Dec 15, 2009
OMG, Want... I am speechless.  I am teary-eyed right now reading your post on the previous journal.  Please do us a favor and re-post it here for all those who may have missed it.  

Talk about getting a second chance at life... you really have.  WOW!!!

Amazing.  Much, much love to you for being brave and strong enough to defeat this monster that was obviously trying to kill you, literally.


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by Prospero73, Dec 15, 2009
Someone asked about the substance abuse forum.  Here's the url:

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by cake698, Dec 15, 2009
anyone have bad stomach issues around day 4 to 5 just wondering if i have a bug or its the withdrawals

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 15, 2009
Greetings Tramadol Warriors!  You are going to find that this website will not only be a blessing, but also a life-savior.  Take it from me, it DID save my life.

If you're new here, take a few minutes to scroll up, click on "people" and search "emilypost"  You'll find that she is the person responsible for saving us all from Tramadol addiction.

In some cases, people come here to learn about other's addictions, how to stop, what works for them, the taper method, etc.  In my case, I came here with an ultimatum:  either continue taking tramadol or DIE.

If you want to know my story, just check out the other entries from previous posts.  Long story short, I started taking tramadol as a kid in college with no health insurance and was given an online website which sold me tramadol.  The rest is history.  I took it daily for the past six- eight years... not as a pain reliever... but as a pill to keep me ahead of the rest of the pack.  I contributed tramadol to me rising the ranks in a marketing profession to the top of the food chain at age 28.

The fact is, the Tramadol didn't help me... it consumed me.  How many of you found yourself searching the bottom of your closet, car, or even in between your couch coushins just to find that one pill until your next refill came?

My case got worse and worse.  As I landed a very successful job, I got great health insurance and got a blood test done.  I had a high level of eosinophils which usually is a result of an allergic reaction or if you have traveled overseas and have been infested with some sort of parasitic infection.  Since I hadn't been overseas and hadn't had any known allergies, the doctors ruled it out as "some sort of allergy or something" and told me not to worry about it.

That was three plus years ago.  Normal range of eosinophils is 60-600 count.  Last year I got my blood taken it was at 1700 and had invaded my vital organs.  Eosinophils are like double-edged swords... they ward off infections but also attack healthly blood cells.  At this point, my doctor had ruled that I had Hyper-Eosinophilic Syndrome... which basically means I have high eosinophils for no apparent reason.  

The truth is, there have only been like 50 confirmed cases of Hyper-Eosinophilic Syndrome in the past 20 years... which means I would've had a better chance of winning the lottery than having this diagnosis.  I never ONCE told my doctor/friend I was on Tramadol.  

I have been taking it for the past six years... and kept it a secret from everyone...  my doctor, my wife, EVERYONE.  Then I found this website.  I took the high road and spent the last five days in ABSOLUTE AGONY going through withdrawal.... and let me tell you... I couldn't have done it without all of my friends here.

Long story short (well... I guess this is a long story)... I have been five days clean and had my blood work taken yesterday.  My doctor called me and said "I'm not sure how to explain this, but your eosinophil levels have dropped from 1700 to 250 which I cannot understand."  Point being..... I'm one of thousands here with a story.  But if I stuck with tramadol, I would've never seen my kids grow up.  I would've missed everything.

You're going to find you're in good hands here.  Had it not been for me to stumble upon this website and my savior Emily Post (as well as forget_me_not, pink, pharm, fedupp, and the hundreds others) I could've been headed down the road to death.


We Love you, know what you're going through.... and most of all... have conquered it with the help of others.

Day 5 for me... and I couldn't be prouder.  Look at the hundreds of previous posts... but most of all.... reach out and talk to us.  We hold nothing against you.  Tramadol is a dangerous drug.... given like Tylenol.... but no one knows the truth about its addictive powers.

We are here to help.

Avatar universal
by Tilly536, Dec 15, 2009
I am heading into day 9, and what I am struggling with most is the CONSTANT NEED TO STETCH- I can harldy sit still for parts of the day.  There is also a feeling of discomfort that is centralized in my arms and shoulders- it's not pain, exactly, just a kind of annoying sensation.  How longs does this stuff stay in your organs and tissue??  I am realloy impressed with those of you that charge through withdrawal with a good attitude- it kind of keeps me going.

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 15, 2009
And please.... you can call me "want" but I'm proud enough to say now my name is Doug.

Love you all warriors.... you are not alone.

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 15, 2009
Just got home from a brutal day at work and read the posts am elated..Doug,you have such good knews ,I just somehow knew in my gut that the eosinophilia you had would be reversed if you stopped the drug.I am amazed that it happened so fast.I do know that sometimes aplastic anemia which can be caused from medications can be reversed,but it usually takes time.You are seeing instant good results of discontinuation and that should certainly make you wary of any drugs especially unecessary ones.Keep taking the vitamins and stay healthy.There were cases of eosinopilia a few years ago caused from tryptophan manufactured in Japan that was contaminated.Some people died from it.You never know how your body will react to things.Best to stay with vitamins and nutrients that are proven safe unless you need meds to live.This news should make the rest of your healing tolerable because you have already seen good results.AWESOME.

Avatar universal
by inspiring, Dec 15, 2009
cake - I had stomach issues, not everybody has the same symptoms on each counted day. I found the only thing that made me feelo better (for about 15 minutes) was to eat, but then my tummy acyed up and I was eating a lot nad having to digest all that while not having the energy to move around SO I started eating VERY sensibly and ate only ptotein, healthy foods, and ate a little at a time, but often.  Each symptom goes away eventually, be patient, feel the pain rather than try to hide it, use the time to reflect and make sure you continue to treat yourself lovingly

Tilly, I still feel the need to stretch, I still experience the incredible painful debilitating muscle spams in my legs, Oh sure I used to have calf muscle spasms (charlie horse) sometimes in bed, but using the tram gave me HORRIFIC muscle spasm in the FRONT of my foot and shin, honestly I could not release the contraction, I would sit and hold my leg and try to breath while my feet and toes went into grotesque formations. I am still scared to completely stretch my ankles in case that spasm occurs

Pink I am sorry you are feeling low, you can't be 100% all the time, your natural cycles will play a part in how you feel. You are conquering a big battle, go easy on yourself, take time, try to be patient, you weill feel better again, and then probably low again, it's just the the good times get more frequent.  Even a lovely FORGET ME NOT is having a tough week, she gives such sage and kind advice, but sometimes she has a cha;llenge,

be good to yourself  FMN Add one more healthy step to your daily life that makes you smile :-)

Pharma  you work SO hard, and then you help us  Bless you

Doug - that is incredible news, have you done anymore research about this ( I realize you didn't tell your dr, the tramareason that has now dropped your ###'s )  Wonder if you will tell your dr or maybe dr wouldn't believe you, ummm

the one comment from newcomers, those tapering or ready to jump post here is that they are SCARED - I remember feeling very afraid, my heart would be racing, fluttering, I knew I would have a stroke or some attack- - I really panicked at times and cried but knowing once you jump that you just have to get thru the first 2-3 days until you start to handle the changes and start to feel better.  be careful about taking other addictive drugs to help you feel better thru WD. In a way you need to FEEL and LOOK inside at this pain, not mask it - you will never get addicted again if you rememebr how you felt and what you were doing to your health, your life

go thru the door of WD, and remember  - there is another side once you step thru, a whole beautiful new side

best wishes to all,  

Avatar universal
by Marlene1177, Dec 15, 2009
Reading all the postings are always so interesting and uplifting.  Wow, great news, Doug/Want!  How relieved you must feel.

I finally saw my PA today.  Was strange for me to be telling her how bad tramadol is.  All those times I sat in her office, hoping she would put several refills on my tramadol prescription and hoping she didn't see I was addicted.  Now I'm sitting there telling her why I shouldn't be taking it and how much I want off of it.  She agreed it was addicting but said, "taken in moderation, it's okay".  NO, it's not!   She said that perhaps I should start tapering and began telling me how she wanted me to go about this.  I interrupted her and told her I was way past all that and had already gone from 8 a day to 5 1/2 in less than two weeks.  She said that was a little too quick and didn't advise I do that.  She asked me if I was okay with the tramadol I had or did I need another refill???  I don't think she ever really "got it" that I'm working to get off of this stuff.  I hate to sound negative about her because I really like her and she's very sweet, just doesn't see the dangers.  She was very reassuring that I shouldn't be ashamed and that many patients find themselves addicted.  She said that is why she cautions her patients BUT she never did "caution" me.  Just told me not to go over 500 mg a day because that was the highest recommended dose.  That was the only caution she ever gave me.  I don't think doctor's really have a clue.  I told her about this website and how much I had learned from y'all. I wanted to tell her that she needed to read it so she would know just what patients are really going thru.  PA's and doctors would learn so much from all of you.  

Pink, you've come so far from what you were writing this time last week.  I always notice your postings because I think we got on here about the same time.  If it wasn't that I started a new part-time job last week and Christmas is almost here, I would be so tempted to go CT. If someone had told me two weeks ago that I could function on just 5 1/2 a day, I wouldn't have believed them.  What surprises me is that I actually have some energy.  Maybe it's all the good vitamins and better eating I'm doing.  Mentally, I'm mostly happy.  Last night, I kept waking up and feeling a little weird but I just told myself that was my body getting use to living without so much tramadol and that the weird feeling was a good thing.  I can only think this way because of all of you!  Before finding this site, I would have felt panicky and anxious about those strange feelings.  My whole attitude has so drastically changed since finding y'all.  

Thank You and God's Blessings to You!


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by Pinkmonki, Dec 15, 2009
inspiring - I am having an upturn in my mood right now and as I read your last sentence the words that actually went through my head were "Luke, come to the dark side....".  Yup, obviously feeling better and smiling oh and yes, a total dork/nerd/geek when it comes to Star Wars and comic books!  

Thank you everyone for your encouraging words and thoughts.  This is hell, but a good hell, because I am learning my lesson.  It is the hard way, which is how I usually roll, why have anything easy in life.  Fight tooth and nail and make it your own!  

Today and tonight I've engrossed myself in research on a new PCP and think I've found someone really good and 5 minutes away from work/home.  I was putting a lot of emotions into this decision of a new PCP or a whole new medical group and PCP (sometimes I hate being a chick) then I asked my husband his opinion and he said go with just the PCP, that I've always enjoyed my medical group (you guys always go right to the point and can take emotions out so easily).  So, I am listening to the hubby because he is 99% right all the time.

We had a really interesting conversation tonight about my taking the Tramadol.  He was a little frustrated at himself for not recognizing more signs of my dependence.  He said that he would see me take the pills and just figured it had something to do with the shoulder surgery, but he never asked and just assumed.  He said it is difficult being on the outside and wanting to help, but I never asked until it was too late and the addiction was in full swing.  It was a really good conversation of trust and I really hope those of you out there are having this good experience going through something as hellish as we are.

Tonight I am thankful to be alive and thankful for everyone here helping each other.  

Avatar universal
by fixn2winawar, Dec 16, 2009
hello everyone, i have been following these amazing story's of recovery and i am inspired by you all. i was once duped into believing that this was just a harmless pill, but i think that it opened the door for my MAJOR addiction i am currentlly going thru a detox program for opiates i took hydro's and perc's all from doc's and friends when those run out. i have just found this site to be so inspiring and i wish you all the best. i am a very yound retired bullrider and have busted just about every joint in the body, that is what lead me to tram,s and all the other pain traps i have taken. i will continue to read, i ahve sucssefully read every page of every1's recovery and it is just awesome all of the pages to emily'spost from the very start. good luck and keep fighting.

Avatar universal
by Lcmill, Dec 16, 2009
I have just found this site and I am so happy I did.  I had been taking tramadol for several years (2 pills/day) and I just weaned myself off about 30 days ago.  I felt awful at first, but it does get better.  I still have crappy days and my sleep is still very minimal.  I have been feeling a little depressed, but I wasn't sure why.  Does tramadol have an antidepressant in it?  If so, that would explain why I feel alittle blue.  I am so relieved to be off of the pills, but I am anxious to return to normal.  It is such a blessing to see other people that I can relate to.  I was feeling all alone!  Thank you for being here!

Avatar universal
by dcarr2, Dec 16, 2009
I posted a comment under neurology, as I was having spasms and muscular discomfort and this stretching too. My dose is  now around 150mg at night, to help with after effects of hip replacement operation. Perehaps it's time to stop!

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by GreatWhite, Dec 16, 2009
Lcmill-Yes it does have antidepressant in it. that is why you are feeling blue. But feeling blue is a natural part of the life cycle. After 30 days off of it, I wouldnt blame it on the trams, i would just blame it on life. Put on some mood music, go for a walk, and cheer up, life isnt all that bad.

Marlene- This doctor obvi isnt a very informed one, but you cant blame her. Most doctors are still prescribing it with no idea of its addictive qualities, although they still prescribe percs and vics and those are addictive as well. Keeps the pharmaceutical companies in business and business is booming right now!!! So stick to your guns, maybe find someone else. I konw you like her because she is sweet, but you need someone honest and harsh right now to help you kick this thing. Being sweet towards your addiction wont work.  You gotta be a warrior!!

As for me, havent posted in a while. I am in the 40-50 days range of being clean and feeling better every day. Sleep is almost just about normal but I have found out i only need about 6 hours a sleep a night to be energetic the next day. If i get more i feel groggy, if i get less i feel tired. So i guess thats just me. Also, my stomach still isnt right. I have a very nervous stomach and am pooping still like 3-4 times a day. Going to the doctor to get bloodwork done next week to see if everything is normal. we shall see. I am still seeing my Therapist and getting a lot out of it. She is amazing and helping me through all my issues that I have kept hidden and led me to painkillers in the first place. But iam seeing the bright side. My family has recently come up to  me, they know about everything, and told me i am so much more engaged and happy since coming off trams. That was a huge issue for me as on the trams i withdrew a lot from my family. They are the most important thing in the world to me and it took me coming off of trams to realize that.

Keep up the fight through the holidays everyone! Stay positive, stay strong, have a lot of faith, and things will always get better.


Avatar universal
by Elf_1977, Dec 16, 2009
So I went down to 4 pills yesterday from 5. I felt pretty crappy towards the end there until I took my dose, but not nearly as bad as I thought I would... This gives me hope. :)

I didn't have chills, aches or anything like that, but I felt just crappy and heavy over all.... if I didn't know what was going on, I would've thought I was getting sick...

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 16, 2009
Day Six!

Who would've thought I would've made it this far!  Last night didn't get much sleep, but a price to pay for years of tramadol use.  Although my energy level isn't 100%, I still feel fantastic knowing I have rid this poison from my body and that for the first time in my kid's life, their Daddy will be free of the drug for Christmas.... something I think is the best Christmas present I could give myself and my family.

I couldn't have done it without the support of all of you, as well as the wonderful support from my wife.  I know I'm nowhere near the end of the w/d symptoms, but all I know is the WORST is over.  I can deal with the depression, anxiety, cloudiness that is supposed to come.  

All I know is I am NEVER going back to Tramadol... I don't care if it's the only drug left on the planet and I need it for my survival.  And if you've been following my posts, you'll know that the Tramadol was literally KILLING me.
Not to mention the initial Withdrawals were horrific.

Warriors, you can do it!  Trust me!  It might be a rough couple of days, but it gets better and better every minute the poison leaves your body.  We're here to help you as well!

Avatar universal
by JG525, Dec 16, 2009
Congrats Doug on all of your progress!

Marlene- just remember, there are some people that use tramadol successfully.  My mom, for instance, takes one or two every few days or a week for arthritis and she's experienced none of the feeling from it that we have.  So, for some, it is okay.  It should be controlled though, just like vicodin.

Pink- I think my husband just assumed too.  He tries to always assume the best.

I'm feeling down today.  Could be the Effexor withdrawal or my job.  I'm bored most of all.  Wish it was the weekend!


Avatar universal
by desperate2getWell, Dec 16, 2009
Just been laying low in the background, getting through finals, Christmas, Life.  And doing it without tramadol.  It is about 30 days for me since I took my last one.  The one thing I notice still is stomach upset.  I get sick most every morning and don't have much of an appetite.  Still low energy but the holiday season will do that.  Glad to hear everyone is jumping off the tram-train and that this site is here to help soften the jolt of landing.  I'm with you today Jenny, feeling down, but at least I know that better days just keep on coming.  With healing, supportive and loving thoughts for you all.   Hope you all have a good, safe and joyful day.

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by Pinkmonki, Dec 16, 2009
I am OK today, much better than yesterday.  Taking the Super B-complex vitamin has helped, but would help more if I took it more timely.  Adding another vitamin into my mix can be challenging, but very rewarding with the increased energy the B provides.  

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by cake698, Dec 16, 2009
Well its 5 hours into day 5 and things r a lot better then yesterday.  I still get the chills from time to time and my STOMACH good lord thats the worst.  I did eat like inspiring suggested and that is working for the time being.  Basically its acting like what an ulcer does, but not as much pain.  If things in that area don't get better in a few day Im going to the Dr. to get it checked out cus I was having problems even before taking the evil one.  Its almost like its yelling at me to eat something cus i was so drugged up to notice before. lol Good job everyone for their progress!!!! And thanks!!!

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by Lillyval, Dec 16, 2009
Doug - I hope you were able to convince your doctor that it WAS the Tramadol causing your illness.  I hope he can publish a report on it.  I would love to get every adverse reaction and addiction story about tramadol published so the docs would stop prescribing it as a "safe, non-addictive alernative to opiates"

Avatar universal
by BVD660, Dec 16, 2009
HA ha, Michele! I was just catching up on all the posts and saw where you got censored.
That's crackin me up.

Avatar universal
by Tilly536, Dec 16, 2009
Gees, Steven0, what are you withdrawing from? You're crabby!

Avatar universal
by BVD660, Dec 16, 2009
You're ignorant Steven if that's what you believe.  Tramadol is a synthetic opiate which
is addictive.  It also acts as a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) which causes
the long term withdrawal symptoms.  And by the way, most people here started taking
tramadol for medical purposes just as yourself and consequently became physically

Avatar universal
by fixn2winawar, Dec 16, 2009
yeah steve sounds like a 800mg of ibuprofen wouldnt do anything for you, but guess what that is a very good otc medication, it sounds like to me you have exhausted your abilities to get controlled pain killers and have found that the buzz to the tram's dont live up to your HIGH expectations. these people on here are exhibiting every single symptom that goes with a w/d. and most are in what sounds like the p.a.w.s. stage of what the pill has brought to them. it is not all unbelievable that someone would get addicted to a synthetic opiod pain med. i think you need to let the people trying to get support and help alone, but somehow i dont think your negative take on there addiction is going to stop them from trying to beat it. if anything your lack of respect for what this site is doing is just going to help them get the kind of anger it takes to go thru severe w/d. yours truly.

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 16, 2009
Steven, my boy... If you're here to rant and rave that tramadol doesn't do anything for anyone... then you've come to the right place.  Many as you'll come to find have taken tramadol as prescribed by their doctor only to find that it has more addictive properties than what any doctor would like to admit.

Although I admire your posts about tramadol having absolutely no benefit for pain (which to some extent I agree)  I want to assure you that this is a place of healing.  Many of us have been duped thinking that tramadol does indeed heal wounds, help with pain, is a non-narcotic pain medication, etc.  The fact that you state you are staring at over a couple hundred tramadols in front of you means that you have a great power to express how these drugs do nothing for you... and in which case I would suggest disposing of them.

You've come to the right place if you wish to talk about how these pills are addictive, non-beneficial, and a danger to society.  If you haven't experienced the w/d symptoms of Tramadol, we'd love to hear how you are doing with so many tramadols in front of you and expressing your anger.

I am all ears for anything.  Just know tramadol here is not welcome.

Avatar universal
by fixn2winawar, Dec 16, 2009
there isnt a doc in the country that is going perscribe 580 at a time so he is full of it, he is either working doc's or he has picked up his scripts a few months in a row(cant see why if they do nothing) or he has found them online either way, he is full of s@@@. he has no respect for recovery or what people here have or are in the grips of as we type. he is just looking for a soapbox and he found one, and knows that he will generate a response,its working, just use that anger to help deal with the exhausting task at hand. i am pretty sure he will be or already has been blocked by medhelp, over the course of reading all the pages of emily'spost i have seen other's who tried to bring there negative crap and were quickly having there feet put to the street! good luck everyone and know there are lots of prayers coming your way from everywhere! BE STRONG!

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by gerty411411, Dec 16, 2009
HI  y'all,

What the blankety-blank is going on with Steve-O???  580 Trams--Maybe he thinks we'll beg him for it. Pherhaps I should give hime the benefit.  Right now he sounds angry because he has issues.  Enough said....

Jenny when i  started my first taper in August I was found to have TSH of 200.(extremely hypothyroid)I have been on synthroid for years and was taking my pills daily.  I felt horrendous.  The md  increased my doseage and my level has improved to almost normal.  I think that is what made taper /stopping t successful..I would be curious to know if t affects the thyroid.  Going through w/d and being hypothroid  just ups the ante and really can make the smptoms of w/d especially fatigue and coldness smody unbeareabl.

Very tired as was up half the night w/a sick patient..Looking forward to a nice deep dark sleep.

Keep on Trucking!  Love, Gerty

Avatar universal
by newway, Dec 16, 2009
Steve - as well a the pain management forum, you might want to check out the anger one as well.  Many have a poor response to tramadol, - lucky you.  Those of us that it does actually work for to control pain - the "non narcotic" option - well, we end up here.  Good luck .

I am doing okay - 11 days clean - and just a headache and low energy to speak of - my mood is okay, but the energy is up and down.
I am however looking forward to Christmas this year.  It doesn't feel like a chore to just get over with.
Going home and staying clean and sober will be the next test.  Unless there is a fight, screaming and crying it just doesn't feel like a holiday!!
Wish me luck

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by Pinkmonki, Dec 16, 2009
newway you can totally stay clean and sober - I just know it.  Positive thoughts are coming your way!!!

So, here is the thought popped into my head a couple of times today and it really bugged me.  I was sitting at my desk waiting to get some energy to do something and this thought of when I would take my Tramadevil I would sit and watch the clock and within 15-20 minutes I could feel it kick in and I would be buzzzzzzzzing up a storm.  Thinking of that and comparing it to me at this state is not good.  The super b-complex is helping, but I don't feel that wave of "lets rock and roll".  

I know that once my body gets this stuff out of it life will start returning to "normal", but it seems like the last two days I've just been surviving.  I feel like I should not be at work because I am going through the motions of being there and not really getting any work done, does that make sense?  

Today was better than yesterday and I will take that any day.

Stay strong everyone!

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by forget_me_not, Dec 16, 2009
Emily, can you help?  


I am super protective of this precious place of healing and can't stand to see any harassment happening.  Free speech, I know, but...

Much love,

Avatar universal
by FinallyFred, Dec 17, 2009
Tramadol Warriors - I just sent Emily a pm to let her know about our friend steven10.   If any of you see posts like his again, please do two things ok?  (1) report him to Medhelp by clicking on the icon to the right marked "report this", and (2) send a note or message to Emily so she can block/delete him.   I promise she won't tolerate that sort of abusive posting and you all did well by responding as you have.

fmn and others here pegged it right.  Free speech is welcome.  We each have different prospectives to share and we most assuredly don't always agree on every detail of our recovery.  But by and large, so long as differing viewpoints can be shared with respect, without harassing and degrading the views of another, and (hopefully) with the itent of contributing to the common good everyone is welcome to share.   But steven10's comments were none of these things.   I could offer an opinion as to the origin of his views,  but that would do neither him nor us any good.

Good night to all (I hope), fred

Avatar universal
by inspiring, Dec 17, 2009
For all those wondering if and when their energy will ever come back  IT DOES, I was listless and bored and felt OLD.

Then came the time (Dec 1st) when I moved into a new rental home - I decided to move everything my self - I kept loading my vehicle and unloading and it was like at the gym - one more rep - one more load!  I kept at it for 3 days and thoroughly wore myself out BUT that forced exercise did wonders. I felt stronger each day, I was motivated. I am already gardening the new place, I have worked outside for days at a time, my muscle definition is awesome, I am remembering who I used to be - strong, able, confident, my sleep is great again, my mood positive. I would never have felt this good if i hadn't stopped the trams

However I still have times when i am down, or anxious, or low energy.  I call this LIFE with all its moods and ups and downs and if I can't move then I work at the computer

As I got thru the WD I am now thinking I can stop smoking, I vow to not smoke after Xmas. It is expensive and killing me SO my new found confidence in myself will help me soar to higher levels of health.  God bless this site and its posters

thank you to all for your encouragement, advice and kind words  Stay strong I am here to say it DOES get better

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by madtram, Dec 17, 2009
My husband Ian had a stroke last night due to clots surrounding the carotid artery bifurcation that are not amenable to surgery.  He is on intensive blood thinners overnight but there is a risk of a major bleed.  Any healing thoughts would be much appreciated.


Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 17, 2009
Michelle..our prayers go out to you and your husband.I pray everything will work out ok for you.Pink...those are the exact thoughts you have to dismiss as quickly as possible and think only of the bad effects of tram...not those good effects.I remember when I gave up both cigarettes and opiates I realized that I would no longer experience these "buzzes",but thought of the good things instead.I still get good relief from my otc pain meds and look forward to their effects now.I don't get a buzz,but a feeling of relief when the pain relief kicks in.That is enough buzz for me.Three months ago today,I watched all my Tylenol#3 and some trams fizz away in bleach...gone from my life forever.I had only taken a few trams but was considering using them in place of Tylenol #3 so I had not been addicted to the trams.I really did not find the pain relief from trams any better than Tylenol#3 and therefore had not used them.Boy, am I glad I did not.Yesterday one of my super big b complex vitamin stuck in my throat for 15 minutes and would not move.I could not even get water down my throat .Finally it softened and moved down.I must be more careful swallowing my vitamins.

Avatar universal
by JG525, Dec 17, 2009
Gosh Michelle, I'm SO sorry about your husband.  Hang in there.

Wow Gerty, 200 is an insane TSH.  Mine is actually okay now.  We are just finessing my Free T3 levels, as I am on a combo of Synthroid and Cytomel.  We have raised my Cytomel dose and this should help the fatigue.  If you still find you are fatigued, I recommend finding a doctor to add Cytomel or to use natural thyroid, which has both.  People say it's much better.

Inspring- Quitting smoking is tough and will deplete your energy for awhile.  I quit 3 and a half years ago and it's the best thing I ever did for myself.  Even better than stopping drinking or tramadol.  If you are a 12 step person or would appreciate support, I can't recommend enough the "Voices of Nicotine Recovery."  They are a Nicotine Anonymous org and have a Yahoo site and Paltalk meetings.  It worked for me, no other meds nor NRTs.  I no longer attend their meetings, but that's just because I've gotten lazy.


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by wantmyselfback, Dec 17, 2009

Thoughts and prayers are with you at this time... hang in there.

Last night was a terrible night... just sat up from 12:45 AM to 4:45 AM watching the clock...tick, tick, tick.  Ugh... it was killing me.  I even watched the most pathetic attempt for a scary movie to kill some time.

I tried everything last night to get to sleep:  melatonin, chamomile tea, deep breathing exercises, nothing.  If anyone has any tips, that would help.  Unfortunately I have an adverse reaction to Benadryl.  I know when the wife takes it she's out cold for the night.  For some strange reason, it has the opposite effect on me and keeps me up.

I'm on Day 7.  I never would've thought I could make it this far.  I'm still a little down in the dumps (I think due to lack of sleep) but this is all part of the process, which I know and is expected.

I just wish I felt better right now... but oh well... at least I'm free of tramadol.

As for the whole smoking thing, I quit smoking about three months ago and haven't had one since.  What worked for me were a lot of commit lozenges and using an e-cigarette.  I know many people say there's still not enough info as to the health risks of an electronic cigarette, but it worked for me.  I think I went with Smoker's Savior... it was pricey, but I was only on it for about a month and a half.  Tasted like a real cigarette, and supplemented with the Commit, I was able to kick the habit.  Whatever works for you, though.  It's a challenge either way... but if you can get off Tramadol, you can definitely get off the cigarettes.

Be strong!

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 17, 2009
I do a lot of counseling about quitting smoking as a pharmacist and tell everyone that what really works is your mind.All the other things are aids to help you stay on the wagon and decrease withdrawal.If your mind is made up you can quit,you just have to put up with the withdrawals or minimize them with the aids,whichever works.The biggest factor in failure is usually the weight gain and I tell everyone to not panic when a few pounds come on,but to tackle the weight thing later.I did that and am just afew pounds heavier than when I quit smoking.To me it is a good trade off.

Avatar universal
by inspiring, Dec 17, 2009
michele - My prayers go out for you, hang in there, step by step, be good to yourself thru this trying time

Jenny and others    thanks for the quit smoking tips, last time I 'quit' I did quite well with popsicles to replace.  I am looking forward to getting thru THAT habit. You are right PHARMA - my mind is made up and that is the best.  In our little town cigs cost S12.57 a pack - can you believe I have been wasting my money on something that hurts me. It was the quitting of the trams that make me think I can do ANYTHING for my greater good

want-Doug - Nyquil (without the decongestant) worked really well for me - the sleepness nights are a horror but just get thru each minute and take that time to reflect.  It WILL get better

all those goiing thru the WD - be good to yourself, it doesn't last that long and all the sleepless nights and discomfort will soon pass  love to all

Avatar universal
by JG525, Dec 17, 2009
Inspiring- You have a good attitude about quitting smoking.  When I quit, I couldn't really see through the addiction to how much I was hurting myself.  Money was never an issue, as I live in the South and they are cheap, but my health! I was 26 and had severe bronchitis and asthma.  If I hadn't quit, I'm sure I would have had COPD by 35.

Some people can quit more easily than others too.  That's really where I started substituting the tramadol for my addiction I think in hindsight.  Since I also stopped drinking, that wasn't an option (thank goodness!).  Now I'm working on healthier alternatives.  Food is really the only realistic "drug" I could still abuse and I don't consider myself a food addict.  I do like to eat though! :)  As someone else mentioned, I'm not anywhere around harder drugs and they are so not an option these days.  It's amazing the difference between when I was 22 and now, turning 30 this month.

Happy birthday to me! On the 30th :).


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by Prospero73, Dec 17, 2009
The last time I quit smoking (definitely NOT the first!) was 35 years ago.  One mental trip that helped was to convince myself firmly that the "addiction" was not real, but the result of mass hypnosis by the tobacco industry, combined with incessant reinforcement in popular culture of the notion that it was nearly impossible to quit.  I found that the withdrawal symptoms were actually helpful in this context, because they reminded me that the brainwashing was still working.  The danger period was after 2 or 3 weeks, when the craving subsided somewhat.

Avatar universal
by JG525, Dec 17, 2009
That's interesting Prospero.  That never would have worked for me.  I think it's generational.  I'm really too young to have been deceived by the industry.  Sure, it was there in marketing, but I knew it was bad for me and frankly it wasn't even that cool when I did it except with certain kids.  This was in the early 90s.  I was definitely physically and mentally addicted to them and it took me six months to really gain any distance from it and a year to feel truly free.  Not to say I felt terrible...just still thought about it.

Anyway, whatever works!

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 17, 2009
Finally starting to feel good today! :)  The kids are asleep, so I decided dad would "rock out" to Wii Metallica.

Thank god the wife was out at the store, I'm sure I look like a total goofball... but heck... do I feel good right now.... Without Trams... without anything.... just darn good and proud that I've made it to day 7.

Rock on!  I'm going to play some more before I get caught! :)  Gotta love Guitar Hero (even if I'm close to 30!)

Avatar universal
by Tilly536, Dec 17, 2009
I wanted a tram this morning for the first time since i stopped taking them about 11 days ago, but i read your post to Pink, Fred, and it was a good reminder that i need to remember all of the supremely negative effects it has had on my life rather than remembering the buzz or the "energy" they gave me.  What i've come to understand is that all these pills offered was a screen between me and the world so that i didn't have to feel anything or take any action against the parts of my life that are disatisfying... i am so glad i resisted.  it's strange because the physical withdrawals are over for me now, other than some minor sleep issues.  I wonder how you all deal with the psychological residue of the cessation, the feeling that you could "just take one" (i love that saying that 1 is too many and 1000 is never enough- so true!) and be ok.  Is it about reminding yourself of the reasons why you had to quit?  Do you eventually get far enough away from them that you don't feel the pull of them anymore??

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by Pinkmonki, Dec 17, 2009
Thank you for the reminder of looking at the negative affects.  My brain and body, for the last 2-3 days, have been all over the place.  I've been up and down like a roller coaster, well maybe more down.  Not having the energy has hit me really hard.  Tonight I am really going to look into dosing of the vitamin B-complex and the safety limits, it just seems like I am having to take soooooo much to just to get up and walk to the bathroom.  

I thank everyone for your posts, they give me absolute hope and confidence that ....this too shall pass and it will just take time.

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 17, 2009
One of the things that keeps me from craving the opiates is the realization that I could live without it and not suffer a great deal of pain.I also discovered that I did not really need the high it gave me nor did I need the false confidence it gave me.I discovered that I have plenty of confidence without the opiates and all the time I thought that they helped me cope with things.I seem to cope better now and do not need chemical help.I just do not need them and so I do not crave them.My life is better without them.

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by gerty411411, Dec 17, 2009
Doug(Want), I remember being exhausted between days 5-7 and then being up till 3 or 4 am night after night.  I posted , read and hung out in my  "hospice bedroom".  I found that tincture of time and eventually nyquill helped.  I started having 4-6 hour runs of sleep by day 8-10.  I kept thinking eventually I would sleep.  

Dude, go with the metal!!!  My love for metal has been reawakened after stopping T. I even downloaded a bunch  of Ozzie, Black Sabbath and Metallica to listen to when I feel rambunctious.

Michelle, Hope your husband is improving!!

New, I'm going home for Christmas this year, too.  Hope I can keep it together.  My Mom drives me frigging nuts.

Looks like Steve-O is off the list.

Take care all, Gerty

Avatar universal
by newway, Dec 17, 2009
Glad you brought up the Christmas thing Gerty - (my idea of heavy metal is Bon Jovi, Van Halen and AC/DC - I have always found music can lift - or drop my mood)

I am heading to my families with my Partner - I have no idea why I go home with the idea of the Norman Rockwell Christmas - and it always turns into a Springer episode!  You would think by 40 I would have learned!!
My mom is an active alcoholic and ***** the life out of me.  Just habbit - but I keep trying to figure out how many pills I need to take to make it through.  Sneaking alcohol is never an issue - it is pretty much on tap at my mom's.

Now I have to figure out how to stay clean - there is a lot of good to focus on - my nephews - I enjoy my brother and sister and their families. - but for years I have spent running interference with my mom so she doesn't upset the whole family.
Not easy being the easy going one in a family full of lunatics!!

We will see how easy going I am clean!

I am 10 days clean and feeling okay - steady headache, and my stomach is still cranky - I cannot keep much down.  Sleep has always been an issue for me - so I am not sure if I notice any difference.  It is something I will have to deal with once I have the tram under control.  I still have the benzo issue to tackle.  I only take them at night -so I am hoping it will not be the battle tram was.
My anxiety is okay, and I actually have moments of energy - best of all - my mood is good.  After years of feeling beaten down and depressed - I feel steady - not great - but not bad.

Please - anyone with ideas on how to handle the Christmas nightmare clean - pass it on.

Michelle - my thoughts are with you and your family.

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 17, 2009
Newway..Is there any way you can let your mother be herself and stay back and laugh at the situation.I am sure everyone in your family knows her personality and will not be angry if you do not run interference.Let things happen and if it gets too much you may have to leave early.It's Christmas ...just go with the flow and let things ride.I remember one year I was invited to a friends house for Christmas and felt like I was on Carol Burnetts show because it was just like that.No one liked their presents and said it outloud.I was aghast.They all started to argue and I left.Boy I remember that Christmas well.

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by Pinkmonki, Dec 17, 2009
OK, I've been doing my homework and good Lord I am taking in WAY too much B-complex.  Taking to much B-complex can cause all of my symptoms AND I've been having bad symptoms for the 2-3 days, WHICH is the same amount of time that I've been boosting the B-complex.  My goodness, why do I have to make my life more difficult, as if I am not having enough challenges!

So, now I have some killer spreadsheets and I am going to use them as my grocery list and just eat my vitamins.  I will still continue with my gastric bypass vitamin regimen, but I need to be gentle with my system, which will be more gentler on my brain and my overall healing and health.  

Next, I will start tackling exercise.  I will need to be careful of my left knee, because of the bakers cyst (I will see sports medicine in a couple of weeks and get it drained), but there is a lot of stuff I can do.

I can take my vitamins, I can eat better, I can exercise.

Michelle, my thoughts and prayers are with you, your husband, and family.

For Christmas it can be challenging, so what worked for me (on my 1st day of WD) was hanging out with children.  There is just something about being around the innocent and their energy.  It sounds weird, but it feeds my soul AND totally distracted my brain from how I am feeling.  On my first day of WD I thought I was just going to kill someone, but then my brother came to visit with the kiddos and they were the best medicine ever!  The other cool thing was, was when it was nap time (and I was the one hanging out with the kids) I got to have nap time also.  This is what I am looking forward to next week and maybe it will help some of you out.  Also, you could be the one in the kitchen keeping busy with food and clean up, or going for a walk around the block a couple different times.  Maybe going for a drive to look at different neighborhoods and their decorations.

Avatar universal
by fixn2winawar, Dec 17, 2009
hey its the guy that just set in the background i was just noticing folks talking about drinking a little and wanted to say to be careful of cross-over addiction it is really to get when coming off a addiction/dependency good luck over the holiday every1, and be safe. i am hear for any1 to talk to i work with addicts and know lots about it and am in recovery for opiates my self. just fyi, if you dont feel it will be a problem just remember the was going on right now in your body's and supplementing one for another can happen w/out you knowing. love all of what you guys are doing. BE STRONG AND LIVE TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY!!! just becareful of cross-over and have a merry x-mas! see you all 2morrow and hope i didnt step on any toes'.

Avatar universal
by inspiring, Dec 18, 2009
fixn2win  -I agree, be very careful what you imbibe to replace the addiction. REALLY try not to take other similar drugs to tram OR use alcohol as that can mess with your resolve.

You have to go thru the hell and make it thru clean and unfogged.  You have to walk thru the fire and feel the heat, BUT you can take baths, or nyquil, or vitamins and supplements and soon feel better that YOU won the war - NATURALLY and HEATHFULLY

love to all - how is your husband Michelle, best wishes to you both

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 18, 2009
I did notice the desire to take up drinking after giving up the tramadols, but am able to fight that craving off.  I think fixin is right that there is a desire or a want to fill the void to make up for the lack of tramadol in your system.  I'm just trying to keep busy doing things around the house (now that I'm on vacation for the next two weeks).

As for the christmas holidays, I always joked that my wife's (and my) family drove me to drink.  I'm interested to see how it goes this year without the alcohol or tramadol.  We all have turned a new page this year and most of us now have kids, so we're excited watching them grow up and opening up their first presents.  Also, our older one just turned three and she's been talking up a storm about Santa coming and how we have to get him chocolate milk!

I think with the Holidays it's always a little give and take.  There will be times where I'm sure your brain will be telling you that you need something to fill a void or make it through the holidays, but if you can put your mind at ease and enjoy the moment, knowing that you're doing something for yourself by being clean, that should give you the reassurance and confidence you need to make it through the holidays.

Hope everyone is doing well.  Day 8 for me!

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 18, 2009
I think most of us who have made it thru this humbling but strengthening experience called withdrawal have learned a lot about ourselves.We have learned that we are weak but also strong when it comes to substances.We do not have to hide behind the substance any more and can feel and speak for ourselves now.We have learned that we are valuable members of society that can stand on our own without chemical help.If we keep this in mind during Christmas and all our lives we will get thru just fine.I limit my alcohol intake by allowing myself 3 (sometimes generous) glasses of wine and after that I fill the glass with juice or water.I do like the buzz it gives,but know it is short term and do not drink to excess to maintain the buzz because that buzz will turn on you and become a monster.This has been a hunbling and empowering year for me and I am glad I am finishing it in a good way.Good luck everyone in your healing and I love you all.

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 18, 2009
So my automatic delivery of 180 Tramadols came today.  It was VERY liberating FLUSHING those darn things down the toilet....

I'm done... so done with those things!  Now to make a few nasty calls about them coming still!

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by Pinkmonki, Dec 18, 2009
Today is the beginning of day 14. And it is a lovely day!  My treat to myself was Starbucks this morning.  There are no bosses/managers here today, just little ol' me.  I have a lot of stuff going on in my head and I am going to start writing it down and get it out, then I won't have the worry of forgetting it either.  As you've instructed this too shall pass.

My hope is that all of you make it a great day and do a little something for yourself, you deserve it!

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 18, 2009
Wow...Doug,that was huge flushing those trams.A symbolic cleansing,kicking the enemy out of your life.I do that almost every day at work because people bring old drugs to be destroyed to the pharmacy.Before, if there were any Tyl#3 I would take them home,sometimes percocets.I now fizz all narcotics away in bleach.So empowering to have control over the drugs.As I said before,I can function just fine without the drugs and thus have no desire for them.I am so glad I am no longer living a lie and am true to myself and others.Those Tyl#3 were really my only bad vice and I justified the use with the fact that I have a real condition that needs strong pain relief and also thought I needed them to get thru my long. days at work.They were like a reward for me.I never took more than 10/day,but still was addicted esp since I did have a legitimate prescription but I supplemented with ones meant for destruction so it looked like I did not use as much.I am truly at peace with myself now and that is why I want to help everyone else.My days are just as long and difficult and I have no problem coping without the opiates.I kept those TYl3 hidden in my house and was so afraid someone would find them.What a monkey off my back...I am free.

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 18, 2009
It definitely made me feel good.  My wife was standing beside me while I was doing it.  Although I'm sure she would've trusted me, I think she wanted to see me do it as well.  I'm like you pharma... I feel such a relief knowing I'm not hiding anything anymore.  I feel great!

Avatar universal
by JG525, Dec 18, 2009
Congrats to all of us staying clean! I had a moment of craving today too, but I think it passed.  The just having one mentality doesn't work with Tramadol because just one wouldn't do me any good anyway.

I had an interview today and I think it went great!

Everyone hang in there.  Just remember, alcohol, tramadol, etc. won't make any situation better.  Leave the situation if you need to.


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by cake698, Dec 18, 2009
Its going to be a week tomorrow and I'm feeling great! Sleeping is still hard sometimes but its coming back to being normal where I don't need to take any otc sleep aid.  My stomach is not 100 but I think the flu was involved too cus 2 people at work and 3 others I hang around all had the stomach flu bad. Only difference I had it 2 days straight and a lot worse where they had it for less then a day.    I believe due to withdrawal.  Well like always I cant thank this place enough for all the support!!! Off to do my christmas shopping and go out to dinner with my very supportive boyfriend!!

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by cake698, Dec 18, 2009
Oh slayer and pantera helped me through my withdrawals lol

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 18, 2009
I was in a Black Sabbath mood today!  

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by Pinkmonki, Dec 18, 2009
The music thing is cracking me up and I had to try it!  I busted out some old punk.....Social D, Clash, Bad Religion, Sex Pistols, Ramones, and dabbled with some Motley Crue-Shout At The Devil.  What a nice positive difference this can make.  Having it play so loud that you can not hear your brain think, this was very welcome.  Thank you for the great idea.

Cake, glad you are feeling better.

Jenny, my fingers and toes are crossed for you.

Doug, for you, in the form of a song........from the 80's........What a feeling........Flashdance, hopefully that did not ruin your metal day!

Yea, the dork is back.

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by gerty411411, Dec 18, 2009
All the talk about music reminded me how I used to sing ----"Fed ex man" to the tune of My sharona every time they dropped of the "package".
One of my favorite songs is "suicide solution" by Ozzie.

"Wine is fine but whiskey's quicker.  Suicide is slow with liquor.  Find a bottle drown your sorrow.  Then drown away all tomorrows."

Since I've gotten sober and t free that song strikes a chord with me.

Seriously, I just want to get through 3.5 days with my Mom.  Our relationship has been a catalyst to my 30 year spree of intermittant mood altering.  It will be tough and probably bring on cravings and other bad feelings.  I'll maintain my resolve and bring my laptop home so I can chit-chat.  I will work out and stay busy.  If I can get of t and etoh I can withstand a 3.5 dy gauntlett with my Mom.  

My are the holidays stressfull.

On call this weekend.  No rest for me!!!

Take care,  Gerty

Avatar universal
by fixn2winawar, Dec 18, 2009

Avatar universal
by fixn2winawar, Dec 18, 2009

Avatar universal
by newway, Dec 19, 2009
Jenny - good for you - I hope the interview went well - what I have noticed for me is the slow change in my mood.  On tram, near the end - no way would I have thought an interview went well - everything was dismal.  I love the positive energy - it will get you the job you need!!

Doug - way to go!  I was 7 days clean - but had been tappering so still had some tram left - my partner had them - but I wouldn't let her flush them.  But yesterday - it just hit me - get rid of them - you are finished with this way of life.  

I am 12 days tram free and feeling okay - what a feeling to end the day not beating the heck out of myself for using again.
It has been so long since I have been clean and sober - I never really thought it would ever happen!!!

The ringing in my ears is becoming sporatic - which means it might actually go away - 5 years of this has driven me crazy at times!
I still have crazy dry mouth - and the sneezing is still a problem - with a bad back, sneezing causes a bit of a jolt.  I have been able to manage my back pain so far - but it is starting to wear on me.   I have also had a steady, dull headache for the full 12 days - no over the counter drugs help.
Anyone else have the steady headache?

Have a good weekend all.  
I will be working - holidays just means I have to squash work into fewer days!!  

Keep your laptop hand over the holidays Gerty - vent away we will be here for you!  

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 19, 2009
Newway,there is a non steroid antiinflammatory prescription medicine that is very effective for pain relief called Toradol.It is usually recommended only for short term pain relief but I have seen patients taking it longer.The big problem with all NSAID pain meds is stomach ulcers,kidney damage and rarely heart muscle damage.But that goes for all the NSAIDS including advil and aleve.You may find it helps your headaches if you are able to take antiinflammatories.Today is my and my twin brother's 65 th birthday and we are being taken out to supper to celebrate .Today is my day for 3 glasses of wine as well.Its gonna be a good day cause I'm also off work today as well.Lucky me...

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by Pinkmonki, Dec 19, 2009
Today is my first day waking up with a spring in my step.  Not great concentration, but I do have energy and I want to do get things done-this is a first.  Yesterday I exercised and I just know this helped (as you all said it would).

Also, I met with my PCP yesterday (last meeting before I start with a new PCP who is not only internal medicine, but a pain specialist) and had a full review of my WD, she had me do a full lab work up and all is well except I need to increase my iron (this is due to my gastric bypass not WD), so this would also explain some low energy issues besides the WD symptoms.  I thought I was going insane, but there is a reason for everything.

I am actually showered and heading out for a few last minute gifts and it is only 7:30 am PST.......who would of thought.  

All I know is that if it were not for those wonderful "coaches" here, in this journal, I truly do not know what I would have done.  The piece of mind all of you have brought me is the best Christmas gift I could have received.  Can you imagine a whole New Year completely drug free, only vitamins in my cupboard?  Wowsers!!

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 19, 2009
Anybody home?....Seems like the place is empty.Gots to be good news because everyone seems busy with their lives and not posting.I'm just folding my laundry and thought I could get a few words in,but no one is here.Just going to finish my laundry and then going to get my elderly mother from her nursing home to go to dinner with her first set of twins who are 65 today.Her other set of boy-girl twins is 50 years old.Just like the Bobbsey twins...Loved those books.Goodbye for today my lovelies and talk to you all later.

Avatar universal
by MomOfTheseBoys, Dec 19, 2009
Here I Go!  Im "outting myself" :)   On day 7 of w/d from hydrocodone.  I made some mistakes initially when stopping,.  I assumed that I should stop everything at once.  Not a good idea.  I have been treated for severe uncontrolled high blood pressure for years, and stopped those meds too.According to my Doctor, those meds have a nasty rebound effect. I had no idea,  I just attributed my lolusy feeling to detoxing.  He spent some time educating me yesterday on the importance of staying on BP meds, and I do feel better today.  I keep telling myself the worst part is over.... am I being realistic?  I want to "feel" what the meds have been hiding for years.  I need to know what is real/chronic pain, and what is w/d pain.  Glad I found this forum.  Happy to know i'm not alone :)  

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 19, 2009
I love when a neighbor has a snow-blower.  Stuck in a blizzard out here... crazy for NJ.  Anyways, day nine I think... maybe ten?  All I know is I couldn't be better.  Made  a snow-angel with the daughter, enjoyed life (and warmth) and had more energy than I would've on Tramadol.

Welcome, Mom... this is a good forum to learn about coping with wd and abstinence.  Feel free to express your anger about your addiction or drug.  We're here to help you through it.  

Hope all are well... and not stuck in this "blizzard hitting the mid-Atlantic.

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by forget_me_not, Dec 19, 2009
Good Saturday Evening, Warriors.

It's been a difficult week or so for me, but I've been keeping check on everyone's progress here and want to say I am SO proud of all of you.  You're winning this fight the only way it can be won -- day by day.  Moment by moment.  And celebrating your victories with you is one of the highlights of every day for me.

A bit of an SOS, I guess this message is.  So this week everything kind of spun out for me.  I went through the job interview process recently, as I posted, and it went pretty well except for the fact that I had some serious PAWS-related cognitive problems.  Well, still I was a finalist for the job, so it was ok.  I thought I was prepared mentally for either decision on their part.  I was both hopeful and dreading either conclusion.  If I got the job, it was going to be super-stressful.  And I'm already having these PAWS problems.  And if I didn't get the job, it's back to square one and I really need a job.  Badly.  So there was good and bad in either verdict.

Bottom line, I didn't get it.  And as much as I thought I was prepared for that outcome, I wasn't.  I have sort of skidded into a tailspin of depression and panic attacks (extremely bad ones), insomnia, no appetite, horrible fatigue, etc.  And I can't stop crying.  And the  I want to break things and yell and scream and cry and just cry and cry.  Because now I feel like this is just one more thing tramadol cost me.  It was my dream job and God knows I need the job and the confidence booster right now.  It took 14 months to get this interview.  Jobs like this do not come around often and this was it.  This was the one I have worked for 15 years for.

Probably the hardest thing for me is that I have NOBODY to talk to about any of this.  I don't want to suggest I have even considered relapse, because I haven't.  But I definitely see how people do.  I see how it happens, just at moments like this, when the freakin' PAWS emotional/physical roller coaster ride plummets and everything seems so hopeless.  It isn't.  But it feels that way to a brain crippled from years of tramadol and clonazepam.  So here I am.

Here I am, feeling weak and pathetic, asking for help.  You guys are all my inspiration, and I trust you more than I trust anyone else to throw me a rope because you know how it is.  Especially those of you who are a few months out, I know you can relate.  I just can't stand my own company right now.

Better days are ahead.  Keep the faith.


Avatar universal
by inspiring, Dec 19, 2009
oh dear forget_me_not,  I am SOOOOOOO sorry you are feelin so low. What a disappointment for you. You have been SOOOOOOO wonderful here supporting everyone and giving such great advice.

I wish I had words, like you use, to help you feel better.  Very good you didn't consider a relapse, but you are stronger and smarter than that now  - and you must go thru this pain. I wonder what kind of job it was, sounds interesting, something you worked for 15 years.  TRY not to take it too personally as those folks who made the decision are fallible as are most humans. They will be losing by not having you.  Don't feel rejected, they just chose a different person.

Some might say that everything happens for a reason, but right now you can't see that. main thing is you have to get thru this pain and decide where to go from there.  My thoughts and prayers are with you, I SO appreciate you, I wish I could give you a big hug and cry THEN laugh at it all together.  be good to yourself  much love coming your way

Avatar universal
by inspiring, Dec 19, 2009
Happy b'day celebration Pharma, our goddess OTC, how fun to have a twin, enjoy a great dinner  thanks for all your help

Avatar universal
by MomOfTheseBoys, Dec 19, 2009
Hi....I just found this forum today, so please forgive me if I post in the wrong areas.  I have some questions about Ultram?   Is that Tramadol?  On my own, I have been detoxing from Vicodin, and am going into Day 7.  Once I decided to speak to my Dr.  He offered me an RX of Tramadol or Methadone?  I told him NO, I was already past the worst part of w/d.  Why in the world would a Dr. suggest this?  Is it an opiate based pain med?  He told me it was very mild, non narcotic, and may help with w/d, since my insurance will not cover Subaxone.  He also asked me "why did you chose now to do this?  its almost Christmas.?"  My response was... WHY NOT NOW?    He said he rarely has patients who want to quit, most want more, and he wasnt real sure how to handle my case.  I told him how sad it made me, that he and my ins co. are more than happy to help me, if not encourage me to get/stay addicted, yet, I cant get help from the medical/ins. community to quit.  Its such a Catch 22 situation.  Ive tried to quit one time before, a year ago, and said screw it, its easier for me to get an RX than it is to get help with detox.    

Ok off soap box now.  This has been such a remarkable experience, painful and real, and for once I am enjoying knowing what is actually going on with my feeling things again, some not so pleasant, but it sure as hell lets me know that I am alive!

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 19, 2009
Dear FMN..please do not blame yourself your not getting the job.You were a finalist and if not the winner at least were the runner up.Just think ..if something happens that the other person can not accept the job or keep it,maybe you will be considered.Everything is not lost and by placing as high as you did you have proved to us and yourself that you are worthy.A similar job may come up and you will be the perfect candidate.I truly understand your disappointment but feel there is something better in store for you.You have too much to offer to an employer to be ignored and mark my words.It will get better and something will come along.While you are waiting could you take some courses on line or upgrade or something..altho in my mind you are already very well educated.Sometimes the first opportunity is not always the best and something better will come along.I should tell a story about way back in 1980's jobs were scarce in Ontario canada for teachers.My sister in law had a cousin who had been laid off from her job as a professor at Western university because of cutbacks.This cousin was so broke that she took in welfare children for extra money.A 1/4 time position in teaching came up in our town,but she had no place to live.At that time I had just bought my parents house which has a selfcontained apartment attached.I told the cousin that she could live for 125 per month there with her 2 children and take the teaching position and maybe something would come up north of us in a small town because most teachers moved from there as soon as they could,Well she took the 1/4 time position and after Christmas it became 1/2 time and in the fall.....guess what...something became available in that northern town in our district and it was her specialty.She ended up in cottage country with a full time teaching position in her specialty.None of this would have happened if I had not offered my apartment at bargain basement rent.She loved her new job and stayed there till retirement.She is retired and I am not.Am I rambling or is there a lesson here.Oh yea...something always comes along.

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 19, 2009
PS FMN could you sign up with a temporary agency and get temp jobs.You might find something you are suited to that way.We love you and wish everyone else could see your assets and I hope the best for you.

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 19, 2009 did a very wise thing in refusing the tramadol Rx from your doctor.Tramadol is considered a mild narcotic but it also has antidepressant properties similar to effexor which is a cousin molecule.To get effective pain relief the tendency is to take more than recommended and a tolerance develops.The more you take the more you need not realizing that you are taking high doses of the antidepressant portion .It is very difficult to withdraw from tramadol as you can see from all the posts here.I also was lucky that I did not take much tramadol ,maybe 2 or 3 because while I was in withdrawal I started to research tramadol as a viable alternative to Tyl#3 for pain.When I came upon this site I was aghast and decided to continue with my withdrawal from opiates with only otc pain meds and am fine now.I never tookenough tramadol and am so glad because these otc pain meds are quite sufficient for my pain now.The initial rebound withdrawal pain was quite intense and lasted about 6 days and then subsided.It has been over 3 months now and I have no desire for opiates at all because I have learned that I can get along without them.I am sure the same thing will happen to you.Welcome to the forum and keep in touch.

Avatar universal
by newway, Dec 19, 2009
FMN - One of the things I struggle with the most is my emotions - tram and other substances helped flatten that out - initially I felt good or great.  Once the flatness set in I was okay with that too.  Now - it is crazy - I pride myself in being in "control"  and I am far from it - I am having to learn what the h*lI I am feeling and then what to do with it.  

But for me - this came first - tram didn't take it from me - I ran to the drugs.  I used them and they served me well for many years - a sort of self medicated survival.  Now, as I am wanting to take my life back - learn the skills I missed out on as a kid - it is overwhelming.  I wish I had learned these things, been nurtured and developed them - but that was not the way it was to be for me.

So now - it is like starting over - the drugs/alcohol are gone - but all is far from well.  My goal is to realize that imediate gratification has gotten me no where, I have a lot to learn and I have to be patient.  
Not sure if you have heard the serenity prayer - but I have had to cling to it many times. It is a 12 step thing - but really applicable to just life.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"

(I am not an organized religion gal - I believe in a higher power and am okay with using the term god - but what ever works for you)

What you are doing right now is amazing - you would be telling any of us the same!  There was a time where you could not have even thought of an interview.
As your emotions go nuts realize this is part of the healing - you get to feel now - good? Yes. Bad? Yes.  It is both - and you will not master it quickly.  
The main thing is that you keep focusing on relaxation, realistic expectations, and the truck load of positive changes you have made - not to mention the difference you have made for so many of us here.

So be angry and sad - you missed out on a job you wanted.  But there will be more interviews, probably a few jobs until you find the one you love, some more disapointments and many great successes in your life.

If you ever need anyone to remind you of how far you have come, and to point out how much further you will go - just drop me a line.


Avatar universal
by inspiring, Dec 19, 2009
forget_me_not   I'm glad other friends have posted.  

My gut tells me tho - this was a special job, a career opportunity for advancement rather than just wanting a job you love. You have worked at it for years, put your time in, I feel success is inevitable in your case as you are obviously a serious contender in your profession. You got to the finish line, you made the final interviews, you did your best and no use beating up on yourself OR the tramadol. What's done is done and you must keep going forward. It will be interesting to hear how you are feeling about the whole episode. What are your options, I wish I knew what type of job, my intuition says people leader/coordinator or some sort, give us a hint :-)

Anyway hope you settling with the decision, you did state it would be super stressful. I use to do those kinds of demanding jobs, really worked my butt off, I think I was trying to prove something to myself, i wanted everyone to like me and see how well I could do, YET I became a stressed controlling person who was not happy. I had to learn to like myself in my darkest place, anyway this is about YOU not me, I'm sending love and healing thoughts

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by Pinkmonki, Dec 19, 2009
FMN - the very first thing I would do is write a thank you note.  Thank this potential employer for their time, if you are interested let me know and I can email some samples to you.  This is how I landed a "dream job" over 15 years ago.  Someone else was decided upon, then they received my thank you and that turned the tide in my favor.  If this still does not work, that company, that HR dept. is going to remember you because of that note.  You never know who they may pass your info too.

I look at all the help and wisdom you have given each and everyone of us here, and good things do come to those that wait.  You need to truly believe this, you are a good person!  

When things have not worked out for me in my life I WILL have a pitty party.  Just taking some time to go over everything in my head, journal it down, be mad, sad, cry.  What feels REALLY good is going to a garage sale and buying really cheep plates (that will break), then going to a grocery store for free boxes, going home to the back yard or garage and setting up the boxes so broken plates will not fly everywhere.  I will put some rocks in the bottom to get my desired affect, then start tossing those darn plates!  For some reason the physical aspect of chucking a plate and hearing it smash and crush is a heck of a feeling.  This is what has worked for me you need to do what works for you.  

I am glad you came and posted to us, to vent and get it out of your system.  My hope is you maybe felt a little better after the typing!

But again, that thank you note is really key and something to consider.  With my business experience this is one key factor that most applicants always leave out, and it has always made a positive impression.

Take care of you, you are special!!

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by gerty411411, Dec 19, 2009
Hey all,

I have had a mf'er headache for 48 hours. This is day 4/7 days of a headache.  I have intermittantly had ha issues for years but since I stopped T the frequency has dramatically increased.  Does anyone know of any correlation?


Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 19, 2009
Gerty..I mentioned an NSAID pain reliever that is often very effective for headaches called toradol.It does require an Rx from a doctor but might do the trick for you.You have been plagued by these headaches since you started posting.I hope you can get some relief soon.

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by gerty411411, Dec 19, 2009
I have tried toradol and it has helped.  I also have tmj that is worsening despite my bite block and massages.  I probably need to see a specialist but right now that is the last thing I want to do.  It's funny I treat patients everyday and when it comes to myself I always put things off.

I hope tomorrow is pain free.

Avatar universal
by MomOfTheseBoys, Dec 19, 2009
After nearly blinding myself all day reading here, Im hoping my eyes and mind will be tired enough for sleep.  Tomorrow will be one week for me.  Aches and pains come and go, but nothing unbearable.  Im really glad I decided against starting on Ultram like my dr suggested.  I most definitely would be replacing one addiction for another.  Bless you who have made it off Tram... Nite All..thanks for the kindness and support

Avatar universal
by inspiring, Dec 19, 2009
Pinkmonki - I had to laugh as I imagined you there in the back yard throwing cheap plates, and you're right, the sound of breaking china can be beneficial to the pedicament

Avatar universal
by inspiring, Dec 19, 2009
oppps that is predicament

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 20, 2009
FMN..did you tell your future potential employer that you are a single parent.I remember years ago in the 70's I was refused a job because I told them I was a single parent and they did not hire me because they were afraid I would take days off if one of my children was sick.I got another job anyway and never took days off at all.My children were rarely sick and the babysitter was able to cope if they were.I don't think they  are allowed to ask these questions any more according to labour laws.Hope you feel better today for I know being rejected is a big kick in the teeth.Pinki had some super good advice for you and a nice gracious note would be great.You have a wonderful way with words.

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by forget_me_not, Dec 20, 2009
All of you...I am so humbled, grateful, touched by your responses.  I am not good at asking for help.  I have never been good at it, so it's hard for me to do, but seriously, this time I had to.

What kind of amazing fortune brought this group of people together in one "place", with one single purpose, to help each of us through this harrowing experience?  Was it bad luck that all of us got suckered by this drug and had our lives ravaged and torn wide open?  Or was it good luck that all of our paths converged here to create a safety net that has saved, and continues to save, us from true destruction?  It allows us to falter without failing.  To sink below the turbulent water without drowning.

You aren't just Warriors.  You are Guardian Angels, too.

I programmed my Blackberry weeks ago to remind me each Saturday how many weeks I've been tram free.  So yesterday, when it chimed and I looked and saw, "15 Weeks of Freedom!  Party!"  I just broke into tears.  So many mixed emotions.  So much gratitude and disappointment.  Yes, I am still "clean" -- and I use that word with ease because to me tramadol is the most disgusting mud one can put into their body.  I am clean, I am healing, I am strong some days, and weak some days.  The whole job thing has taken a toll on my poor PAWS brain, and let me tell you, I was scared for myself.  I applied for the job in JULY, BEFORE I even stopped the poison.  It took them that long to interview and hire, and all of it seemed to be for a grand reason.  I wanted to believe it was the right time, the right position.

By the way, I work in higher education.  The job was director of counseling and Title III director.  I would have been in charge of a 2 million dollar grant.  Me, with my PAWS-related cognitive impairment.

I have a supportive family, but they don't know the truth of what I am going through and they never will.  Can anyone know who hasn't experienced it?  I doubt it.  I have days when I can't distinguish between what I dreamed the night before and what is really true.  Case in point: last week I ordered my dad a replacement battery for his cell phone from eBay.  He asked if it came yet, and I told him it did, but I couldn't remember where I put it.  So I looked everywhere.  Turned everything in my home upside down searching to no avail.  "It's in a white envelope, about 6"x6". That's all I can remember about it."  To make a long story short, it came in the mail THE NEXT DAY.  In a white 6x6 envelope, no less.  Clearly I am becoming clairvoyant as a result of those years of brain abuse.  Yet another little-known effect, along with fat cats.  Does it ever end?

My mother asked if I am ok.  Sure, mom.  I'm good.  Just a little bit insane, obviously, for reasons you couldn't quite "get" even if I told you.  

I couldn't be trusted to make change at a convenience store right now, much less manage a $2million grant.  What in the world made me feel surprised that I didn't get that job????

Divine intervention.  Thank you.  I am now back to my senses, and I can only hope that, someday soon, I'll be able to handle such a job.  I've worked for many years to establish myself in this field as a competent, capable, creative and trustworthy professional.  It ***** that I have brain damage, but it's awesome that it is temporary!!

You all are my lifeline.  You're my oxygen when I can't breathe.  Pink, I love the idea of breaking plates!  My problem with that is I collect them.  Even old, worthless ones are beautiful to me.  So I better choose something else :-)  .  The physical act of breaking things feels SO good sometimes.

Also, I did send a thank-you note to the president and the committee the day of the interviews.  That never hurts.

Reading back through Emily's old journals again last night and this morning, I found many new truths that I need to think about and deal with.  Abandonment issues, for example.  And fear of failure.  This period of healing is, for me, like my time in The Desert.  My relationship with tramadol was super-dysfunction at its finest.  I used it as a substitute for real relationships, and I know this.  Real people hurt you, betray you, leave you.  Tramadol was always there, most of the time reliable, in the beginning, at least.  When everything else vaporized, the drug was there.  Destroying me, yes.  What else would I have expected?  Did I think I could have a "perfect" relationship with a drug?  It made the emptiness ache less.  It was like a child's security blanket.  All of my fear, anger, resentment, self-loathing, all of it was deposited onto the pills and then I swallowed them.  Of course, the pills just redeposited it inside me.  And it's still there, working out piece by piece.  Sometimes the pieces are huge and I can't manage them.  Like when I perceive I have failed.  Like when I don't get a job I really want.

Emily's crosses struck an especially potent chord in me last night.  How she collected them, as if in some effort to ward off the evil spirits around her.  I have collected things, too -- angels.  Everywhere I look there are angels.  Baby angels, angels in human form, angels depicted as spirits or flowers or birds.  They would protect me from the harm I feared, the destruction I felt looming, growing from some place in me but outside my control.  I also collected people for a while.  And I always managed to abandon them before they could abandon me.  I collected college credits, A's, grade point averages, degrees and titles.  Yet it all comes down to this.  To me and these pieces of myself that have to work themselves out, have their moment in the light, looking me in the face, before they can be deconstructed and buried where they belong.

Am I totally screwed up?  Probably so.  And I have to learn to deal with that, to accept the things about my past that can't be changed.  To identify my patterns of responding to life that can be changed once my brain reestablishes equilibrium.  To take baby steps when necessary.  To crawl before I walk before I run before I leap tall buildings.  Maybe I'll never leap tall buildings again.  To accept that if it is to be so.

Back at square one, it's just me and all of this stuff to sort through.  Between Emily's crosses and the unselfish kindness shown to me by all of you, I think it's a safe bet that I'll be just fine.  There will be close calls, but together we can survive those.  

To be on the safe side, I don't plan on making any change in the near future.

peace, angels.  You have my unending gratitude.  I sincerely hope I can return the support and help you have given me should you need it.



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by forget_me_not, Dec 20, 2009
I just got censored!!  Cool!   :-)

Now I know I've arrived.

Avatar universal
by inspiring, Dec 20, 2009
FMN  SO good to hear from you, thank you for writing your thoughts so eloquently, you bring tears to my eyes. Glad you are feeling and thinking a little better, be good to yourself  sending love

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 20, 2009
I am back finally!!!  Took me 20min to remember how to login and find this forum:(  I took my last Tram 50mg yesterday @ 5pm and even though this is more than my usual before bed...I started w/d symptoms at apx 4am.  I think my mind understands that I am quitting this CRAP and wants to pull me back in!!  

DOUG!!!  My heart is soooo happy for brought me to tears to read your post.  The last hour or two I have been reading all of the posts and there are so many it is hard to keep up w/ everyone.

I need your help everyone in the next week or so as this is gonna suck the big one!!!(might get censored here).  I hope to start to pull out of the physical hardship by Thur of this week.  Is this even possible?  I want my kids xmas to be happy and b e able to be present here!!  I need your help in what to expect...which is the hardest day and why?  Many thanks to all of you and thank you for the help!!!  Blessings  Fedupp

Avatar universal
by desperate2getWell, Dec 20, 2009
You can do it Fedupp and you will.  Hang on, crank up your favorite music and get the epsom salts ready.  I am past 30 days of no tram and so happy to be free of that dreadful, unhealthy, weird, expensive and personality-destroying substance out of my body and life.  I actually heard myself laugh the other day, a true deep one.  Of course, the feelings come from the other way also but it's okay because it's real.
FMN-sorry to hear about the job situation.  I don't know you however you seem to have a real gift for helping heal others.  Your words have soothed me many times.
Everyone - I am happy to see that we are all continuing to be free of this horrible drug.  Doug, I guess I don't understand why you flushed the meds - wouldn't Fed-Ex take them back if unopened or is it different for medications?  Perhaps it was just a therapeutic thing to see them float away?  
I still feel vulnerable to being around them, so I keep on my guard.  
But the bottom line is that life is good.
Think good thoughts!  
And prayers of love and healing light for Madtrams husband.

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by gerty411411, Dec 20, 2009
I just saw a little white pill on my closet floor that was T.  After about 30 secs of thought and conversation with my id I flushed that dupiesh down the old commode.  

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 20, 2009
FMN...Do you really think the tram has caused memory loss or is it the fact that you had been low in B12 and probably have had some brain involvement.That is why it is so important to not let your b12 get low.I have a personal theory that once your body has been low for any length of time...even low normal blood readings are not enough.I feel someone like you should keep their levels at the higher range rather than the lower range.Books say the blood levels should be 200-900,but some people show neurological and mental signs of deficiency at levels of 300 which are declared sufficient.Just though I would run that past you because you have memory loss which i think may be from low b12 and hopefully was like the devil dropped that pill to test you....but you showed him..good for you

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by forget_me_not, Dec 20, 2009
Gerty, YAY!!  Good for you!  You just put a BIG exclamation point on your declaration that tramadol is No Longer Part of Your Life, present or future.  Wonderful, wonderful for you.  I'm very proud of you for being so strong and determined.

Pharma, I definitely share your concern that B12 is part of my problem.  I had my level checked a couple of years ago and it was quite low, although I hadn't experienced any of the mental-cognitive symptoms YET.  That would come later.  I began the injection protocol right away and did that until I no longer had insurance.  Since then I've been taking supplements though - right now a 2500ug sublingual.  I am scared of the B12 dementia.  My mom's best friend has it very severely, to a point she doesn't recognize her own family most days.  And she's only in her 50s.

The reason I feel so strongly it may be postacute withdrawal... or reasons, rather.  First, because the cognitive symptoms began almost immediately upon discontinuing tramadol and clonazepam.  I stopped both cold turkey on the same day.  Didn't even fully realize the dangers in doing that, but it's in the past and I survived, thank God.  I never took more than 2mg of clonazepam in a 24-hour period.  I generally took .5mg daily and I took it for about two years.  The same doctor told me it was a "safe" medicine to help deal with the hyperthyroidism and anxiety (who also told me tramadol was totally safe and non-habit-forming.)  So where the tramadol WD ends and clonazepam WD begins is anyone's guess in my case.  But since I know I am B12 deficient, I take a super dose every single day.  

The other reason I think it is PAWS-related is that I seem to do really, really well with memory and cognitive function as long as the stress level is minimal.  However, when the pressure is on, WOW.  Memory and word-finding problems blow up, and my emotional responses are so weird.  I feel such intense sadness, anger and frustration.  And equally intense joy and happiness.  Sometimes when I need to cry I can't.  And then, when I don't need to, I can't turn it off.  This was never, ever "me".  In control, I definitely was.  To an unhealthy point even, at times.  The safety valve now blows off at random times, and there are moments of such intensely overwhelming feeling that I am crippled.  From what I have read, this is a normal part of the process of recovery.  I certainly hope so.

Pharma, is 2500ug of B12 safe to take?  The bottle says it's something like 40,000% the recommended daily intake.  I figure more is better than less in my case.  It was the highest level supplement sold in my local CVS.

love you guys.  Gerty, you ROCK.


Avatar universal
by FinallyFred, Dec 21, 2009
FMN, Isn't it curious what one can say without being censured and what you can't?  I can say suck, but if I add the "ed" on the end...sucked, I expect I will be bleeped.   The bleep aside, I have benefited greatly from your open and honest posts today.   What I think it was that attracted me to this place initially was the ability of people  to be open and honest with one another and to share from their hearts.  And that is still what attracts me here.

Gerty,  Congratulations for giving that last lovely white pill a one way trip to the commode.  Where was it when you needed it, right?   :0

fedupp. Congratulations on taking your last pill Saturday at 5 p.m.   We all are rooting for you.  You asked which day would be the worst and why.  

Here are my two cents.   Insomnia seems to be the worst withdrawal symptom.  By day 3 or 4 the lack of sleep can accomulate and while the symptoms may not in fact BE worse those days, we may be less adpt to cope with them because of our lack of sleep.   But if you can keep putting tiny moments between you and your last pill, I expect that you will feel markedly better by Christmas Eve.

Warriors, I am reminded tonight of a few things concerning withdrawal that I hadn't thought on for months and months.

First, while our physical pain may increase some on the 2nd and 3rd days, psychologically, that first day is both the hardest and most important.  There is a grieving process we begin to go through as we say goodbye to our old friend, tramadol.  Although it has done NONE of us any favors, it IS the friend we have known.  As horribly as this drug has treated all of us, many do report going through a feeling of a sense of loss as we say goodbye to this evil drug.   It's just part of the process.

Second, there is something magical that happens inside us when we "come out" and declare our own personal WAR on this drug.  For days, weeks, months and years, most of us wondered about quitting some day, but that day never came.  Too often, I waged a half hearted effort to get free from tramadol, only to cave in and take another lovely little white pill, vowing once again to try this tomorrow.

A day sounds so long.  And five days sounds like an eternity.  But all that is required is the strength to quit right this moment.   The next moment, the next hour, or the next day are not yet what is important.   I heard someone say on Friday night, "be where your feet are."   Not in the next hour or the next town, but we do better when we stay in the moment.

Finally, I am reminded of something Emily told me when I was going through my own tramadol withdrawal.  Her advice was, "be comfortable in being uncomfortable."   In other words, try to accept the fact that there will be withdrawal symptoms.   Consider them a rite of passage through to the tramadol free LIFE you desire.

I would rather that no effort would be needed to break free and that no adverse symptoms would befall us as we detrmine to take that first step to tramadol freedom.  But reality is that EFFORT is needed and symptoms will befall us.   The only real questions left for us are these:  (1) Will we make the effort or not?   and (2) Will we determine to endure short term withdrawal symptoms in order to achieve long term freedom from this drug?

On short, are we comfortable being uncomfortable (or not)?    That's really what this comes down to isn't it?   Being comfortable with being uncomfortable for a few days until this rat poison has exited our temples.

Courage...Strength...and LOVE to you all!!!


Avatar universal
by inspiring, Dec 21, 2009
GREAT post Fred - I will definitely print that one out to reread

Avatar universal
by newway, Dec 21, 2009
Comfortable with being uncomfortable???  heck no - I want to feel great all the time!!  Hence my constant battle with addictions.
My biggest battle was not the physical stuff - I love the beat myself up - so I went with the "it serves you right - you deserve to suffer" attitude.  Very healthy - I know lol.
Once the major physical symptoms became manageable the emotional stuff was able to come spewing out.  Tram made me feel great for a short period of time, and then it just made me feel flat and miserable.  Now I feel - a very scary thing for me.
It is when I am nervous, shy, angry, happy - I think about the drug.  Going away for the holidays and being free of having to count out the pills is great - but terrifiying.
My battle now comes with being okay with feeling anything.

As you can see - sleep still an issue for me 4 am here - trying to decide whether to get up and work, or try and get another few hours of sleep.

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by gerty411411, Dec 21, 2009
Had one heck of a weekend.  Felt like I did at 1 week out. I was moving through a fog and was not clear-headed. Also had the old insomnia.  And, I don't know if this is possible, but I 'm pretty sure I had RLS why I was trying to sleep during a massage.  It felt like my legs would have to move or I would not be able to stand it!  Last night I also had alot of anxiety.
Whew, I hope today is better.
Continue on Tramadol Warriors!!

Avatar universal
by JG525, Dec 21, 2009
FMN- I think you're being too hard on yourself.  I'm sure you're capable of doing the job you applied for.

You mentioned that you have a thyroid problem.  Is that treated?  If your thyroid isn't optimal, it can cause a lot of the brain fog and things like that.  Also, if you are on a T4 only med, i.e. Synthroid, your adrenals can get tired and cause similiar symptoms.  Many doctors don't even run all of the tests you need for thyroid.  I take a Synthroid/Cytomel combo and it helps.

I'm tired this morning for some reason.  In-laws were here, so not much of a weekend.  Thank goodness it's a three day week for me!

We'll see about the job.  I hope I get it, but my husband and I have talked and if I don't, I may stay at home for awhile after this job and do some work there.


Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 21, 2009
I almost got up in the middle of the night and screamed on this site...I was in sooo much uncomfortable pain(not sharp pain, dull anxiety ridden pain).  It was my first night and I felt myself having a quick dream finally about 5am, most of the night was spent moving constantly and flipping over andf over and over.  I read a post awhile b ack that spoke about RLS in the arms and shoulders and this is where it bothers me the most.  I started on a RLS med(mirapex) a few days back and it had absolutely no benefit last night.  I took nyquil, vitamins and magnes and yes one over the counter sleepaid and nothing touched what I felt and I was only on apx 50mg. a day for the last month trending down from about 400mg/day.  This is really hard and I am not able to fully be there for anyone right now....the only support I feel is here.

My husband asked me for the last of my bottle which had about 5 more pills in it and I gave it to him easily enough but I was sooooooo tempted last night to take a tramadol er(which I have and never use).  I did not do it and when I read Gertys post I chuckled.  

Finally..great post and very very true!  I feel very sad and worthless right now and very vulnerable.....I am really bummed that the worst is yet to come physically and pray it passes quickly.  I hope you are right about xmas eve....I know I will feel alittle outta sorts but the nerve jumpiness in my arms and chills are very uncomfortable..I am very very committed to stopping and will do this, I just hate being "completely unavailable" for a week.  With my job I am lucky enough to be able to slide for a few days as I work along and have alot of flexibility, this however leads to alot of guilt.  

Just very discombobulated right now and absolutely no patience at all for anyone/thing.  Keep me in your thoughts!!

Avatar universal
by JG525, Dec 21, 2009
Fedupp- Have you tried asking your doctor for clonidine?  It lowers BP and helps with withdrawal.  I think it helped me with the restless leg because I think some of that, during withdrawal, is more of an inability to calm yourself at night.  The frustration.  Since I took it, I only had one night where that was an issue.  Just an idea.

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 21, 2009
FMN- hang in there.  One of those triumph moments that will hit you in a little bit.  Trams couldn't have even settled the feeling of not getting the job- just one of those things you have to deal with... but know your words have healed so many here... and we are here to help in any way possible... so hang in there.  Prayers are coming your way.

Fedupp- hang in there as well.  The next couple of days will be rough... but trust me, I'm on day 12 I think now and couldn't have more energy and be feeling better.  Things are amazing... despite the craziness that is around me.  I am very thankful to be clean this first Christmas in over six years.  I have amazing energy, got a good ten hours of sleep last night for the first time with no help (i.e. Nyquil, melatonin, chamomile tea, etc..).  So just hang in there.  The RLS will subside in the next day or so... so just keep kicking away if need be... that seemed to help me a lot.

Just know that you will get by, and you WILL make it.  By Christmas, you'll be so proud of yourself of being clean and ready to go.

For the rest of you all- hope you're all doing well.  Things are going very well over here... and looking forward to the chaos Christmas will bring (and all the ups and downs)- but am MAINLY looking forward to being Tram-free for Xmas in over six plus years.

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 21, 2009, I can't really be honest w/my physician as it might affect my job.although I really wish I could..I am more than uncomfortable and nothing seems to help at all.  Did clonidine relieve most symptoms?  I am trying to get thru today and have taken 4 baths and constant pacing.  I know I won't be able to sleep at all tonight again and this is what is the hardest to accept.  thank you so much for the support!!1

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 21, 2009
want..I started sobbing when I read your post about "just keep kicking"  it really is this simple isn't it!!  I have to go thru this crap just to know I will feel better soon!  I am so emotional and I am not usually this way at all.  I can't tell you all how much this helps to talk to you all and feel absolutely NO JUDGEMENT, just acceptance and help.  I wish I could just take a nap!

Avatar universal
by JG525, Dec 21, 2009
Fedupp- It's hard for me to say because I was already on Klonopin at night and the clonidine was added, so I think they both helped me.  Klonopin obviously has it's own set of problems and I have to withdraw from that, but that was for night terrors (I've been on it for years), nothing to do with this.

Since Clonidine is a BP med, you might be able to go to a quick clinic like Promed or Concentra (?) and tell them you are withdrawing from Tramadol.  I don't think they can report this to anyone.  It's not controlled like vicodin.  I don't think you would get in trouble with your job, but I don't know what you do.  Obviously, you don't have to say how much you were taking.  You could say a doctor prescribed it and that you took it for a long time and are addicted.

I don't know.  For me, it helped to be honest with people that keep things confidential.  But if you don't want to, it will pass eventually.

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 21, 2009
Hey fedupp, it really is that simple (unfortunately)!  I am thankful for finding this site, too during my w/d time.  I knew what to expect, and the best part was knowing that it was ONLY A MATTER OF DAYS before you begin to feel better as the poison releases itself from your body and you are free of Tramadol.  I know it's an emotional (and VERY difficult) ride right now, but hang in there... you're coming through the thick of it now and will be out soon.  Just hang in there, scream and kick if you must, and just keep pushing through.  For me, getting mad really worked while I was thrashing around in bed.  I kicked and kicked and yelled, and I'm sure if a priest was walking past our house, probably would've asked my wife if I needed an exorcism! :)  Just BE STRONG and hang in there.  It's coming up a week and a half clean for me and I have a new outlook on life and couldn't be better.  Let me know if you need anything.  Best of all... use this site to vent and ask any question you might have.  We're here to support you!

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 21, 2009
thank you so much JG and Want...I am so clear now why it felt I needed to take it to feel unwell.  It is this "unwell" feeling that I have been running from for sooo long and if it was easy to come off, I would have dumped them long ago.  It is beyond uncomfortable right now and I want to just get "knocked out" and not feel all of this physical uneasy anxiety.  How could this be so very toxic, what is in that crap, and I tend to agree...this is a "quiet drug" with addiction that slips thru the cracks of the FDA and allows..JNJ(I think..dont quote me on this)to profit from a HUGE base of people to get on this unsuspectingly and SURPRISE can't get off!!!  Can you tell I am alittle pissy!!!  Well off for now, and I will take my RLS med. to see if it will help more tonight although I doubt it will.  Tomorrw has to be better:)

Avatar universal
by hcii, Dec 21, 2009
Haven't posted in a while, but wanted to jump in here and touch on something Fred had said a couple weeks ago.....Actually saying it in a longer form, but I think this is the message that he was conveying....

I read a little saying, but I can't remember it word for word, nor who attribute it to and give the proper credit to.  But...I wanted to throw this out there for those of you (like myself at times) who are scared that they aren't strong enough to quit or worry if they are going to taper correctly and take the correct supplements to reduce the WD's....

The saying is:

It's not the strongest, nor the smartest that will survive - it is the one that can adapt and change...

Don't worry if you are strong enough or doing it perfectly.  Just convince yourself that you CAN change and adapt to a life without the tramadol regardless of the changes your mind and body go through.

So dont worry about whether it is going to take you 3 weeks or 3 months or maybe longer.  Don't worry about if you are doing it the way so and so did, or if you are doing something wrong.....Just put yourself a plan to adapt to a life  without the trams, and accept that you CAN change and adapt to a life without them.

If so - you WILL succeed...


Avatar universal
by hcii, Dec 21, 2009
Something else to throw out there that JG525 said......

Be sure and check your state regulations (If u are in the US) as to tramadol.  Here in Kentucky, and I think a couple other states....Tramadol HAS been recently classified as a controlled substance.  Here it a Schedule IV controlled substance along with Valium, Xanax, Klonopin - most of the benzos....

However - as far as I know - I haven't seen a panel nor single drug test developed for Tramadol just yet.  In my line of work we are subject to an 11-panel drug screen, but Tramadol is not in the test - Although I am quite sure that now it is a controlled substance here in Kentucky, it would only make sense for one to be developed.

Be sure and check with your local regulations....Government is just now discovering what we tramadol users already knew.  That Tramadol IS a dangerous drug....


Avatar universal
by FinallyFred, Dec 22, 2009
Newway, You funny girl!

Want - congratulations on your successful quit.  And thanks for coming back and offering support to the next person.

HCII,  Nice hearing from you again.   I sure as hell hope the regulatory agencies discover the problems associated with this drug pretty darned quick - or we will have a society full of whacked out zombies like I was, taking an unregulated, addictive opiate, which is building up TOLERANCE in folks faster than our M.D.s can even imagine, let alone admit to publically.

Stop while there is still breath.   It's no secret that many of us have taken FAR more than the "medically safe" 8 pills a day.   Many have taken 20-25 pills a day.  But OMG, I read one dear lady post on another site that she was taking more than 70 pills a day.  At some level a person no longer counts pills.  They simply dump pills into their palm, flip them into the mouth  and swallow with water.   There but for the grace of God would I have gone.   It's never too late to turn this bus around.  Ordinary people like me are living proof that the bus can be turned around.

fedupp, yes, you sound a little pissy...which is EXCELLENT.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with a good dish of righteous anger to keep the spirit motivated through the rough parts.  (which is why I spout off at the drug reps, drug manufacturers and doctors at times)  

I have never been a soldier.  My wife tells me I would never have made it in the military and she is probably right.   But I have a notion of what it must be like for a soldier preparing for war.   And I can't imagine that they would go into a battle without being prepared to lay it all on the line.   Which we must be prepared to do to succeed in our own personal battle with this drug.  That is what someone by the name of Cadillac Jack told me when I got here - "prepare for war"...and I was desperate enough to believe him.

Yes, hopefully tomorrow will be better for you.  It is no fun kicking against the sheets, tossing and turning, and such.  But realisitically, don't be dissappointed if you have a few more bad days to work through before you come out the other side.  Are you UP for that?  The option is to go back on the tram-a-go-round and start this all another time.  But that is not what I HOPE for you fedupp.

The GOOD NEWS is that once you push through a couple more days you will never again be controlled by this monster.  You will NEVER need to count pills or arrange vacations out of town around on that "RX day" we all circled on our calendars.   And if you were like me, you will never need to experience the REGULAR withdrawal symptoms whenever you fed your tramadol monster less than IT demanded to be fed.

You can do this.  It will be SO worth it.  You are on your way.


Avatar universal
by JG525, Dec 22, 2009
hcii- I hope you're right that tramadol is becoming controlled.  I live in SC and I'm pretty sure it's not here, although I noticed that pharmacists started to get stricter about it.  But, I take klonopin at night and if I wanted to pick it up one day early, they would deny it.  Tramadol, I picked up a week early usually.  I guess it's state by state.

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 22, 2009
Fred..thanks for the uplift, I needed it.  I have not one part of me that would start this all over again, I don't have a choice but to move forward and hope this will pass.  I know you all say it will it is just right now it doesn't feel like it.  Another very rough night and maybe 1 or 2 hours of sleep total.  The feeling across my chest and arms is prob. the worst symptom of all and the feeling of being unwell and very agitated physically and emotionally.  I think it is very telling that this drug takes so long to come out of our bodies.  I have to admit I have never had to detox before, but this monster is REALLY REALLY uncomfortable to go thru.  I am glad I am on night 2 day 3 and still feel like hell but know that I am getting closer than I was 2 days ago:) !!!!!
I am so grateful to you all and hope to be the one cheering on the next brave soldier very soon!!!  

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 22, 2009
by the way what is the deal w/ the sneezing and stuffy stuffy nose?  W/D or head cold?  Will today please hurry up and end?

Avatar universal
by JG525, Dec 22, 2009
Fedupp- I had that with withdrawal...lots of people do.  It passed fairly quickly.

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by forget_me_not, Dec 22, 2009
Fedupp, yep -- sneezing like CRAZY was pretty par for the course my first couple of weeks.  Especially during the first week.  It gradually subsided after that.   You're right -- you really don't have a choice except to push through it knowing without any doubt whatsoever that it WILL pass if you stay the course.  

This helped me tremendously.  The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.  One thing I learned that helped me as a runner (learned through chi running, which is great) was to identify a point ahead of me where I wanted to be, then "attach" myself to that point consciously, and allow my will to pull me toward it.  It made running much more effective and less stressful physically, and I found that with recovery, it also worked extremely well.  While there's some benefit to really FEELING the discomfort (what choice do we have anyway?), it is also helpful to keep firmly anchored in the knowledge that we are moving toward a better place, toward freedom.  Sometimes I've found it's just more encouraging to think of moving "toward" something good instead of "away from" something bad.  So set your eyes on a vision of yourself HEALED, refuse to look away, and let your spirit and your will pull you to that point.  

Getting through the WD is so physically and emotionally...eviscerating.  It's not easy, but as you know, it's possible.  And we will help you get there.

peace and healing this day, Warriors.


Avatar universal
by grandmagirl, Dec 22, 2009
Merry Christmas and peaceful wishes from California..

Avatar universal
by fixn2winawar, Dec 22, 2009
Yes merry christmas and wish everyone the best, oh what a joy it will be to be sober on christmas day, i cant even remember the last time i had one of those. best wishes and be praying for you all and have safe travels this holiday! OHHH did everyone here that Tiger Woods is changing his name....YEAH,he is changing it to cheetah!!!!!!!  Lame yes i know but, i still think it is hillarious!

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 22, 2009
Quick post just wanted to update that I feel kinda human right now and was able to talk to my kids for awhile w/out faking thru it because of the uncomfortable WD.  Thanks again to all, if I can sleep tonight I might just be able to smile tomorrow:)

Avatar universal
by hcii, Dec 22, 2009
Here ya go JG525....This may just make your day.  I can honestly say that this regulation had a lot to do with my resolve to quit after 10/day for 10 years.....

I hope links are allowed....


Avatar universal
by FinallyFred, Dec 23, 2009
The states that have scheduled tram as a class IV controlled substance include:  (1) Kansas, (2) Kentucky, (3) North Dakota, (4) Ohio, and (5) Wyoming.  Two other states; Georgia and MA have listed this as a dangerous drug. (whatever that means).

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 23, 2009
Just wanted to wish everyone a very merry Christmas/ Happy Holidays in case I can't pop on during the next few days (you know how it is!).  I am thankful for meeting all of you and finding the wonderful Emily Post's journals to help me rid my body of Tramadol.  Today is now day 13 for me, and I'm feeling finally like myself again.  I guess I should change my name back to "gotmyselfback."  I truly wouldn't have been able to "get myself back" without the help of all of you.  Since I've overcome so many obstacles this year, I don't have many new year's resolutions, so I am making it a resolution to keep up (or at least try to) with these journals to walk others through the w/d process like all of you did to me.  

I am so thankful to have met all of you.  I am even more thankful (and excited) that this will be my First Christmas in over SIX years free of Tramadol.  

A beautiful haze has been lifted from my foggy mind, and I can see clearly now that Tramadol is out of my system.

For those of you thinking of quitting, there's never a better New Year's Resolution than making the jump off of Tramadol.  It will take a couple of days to make it through the thick, but within two weeks you'll find that you truly are better off without Tramadol in your system.

Merry Christmas!


Avatar universal
by JG525, Dec 23, 2009
Congrats Doug!

Thanks Fred and hcii.  I think the more this substance becomes controlled, the less doctors will prescribe it.  I know there have been times where I've had to push through real pain, like wisdom teeth, with only a few vicodin.  So, I hope that tramadol ends up on the same level.

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 23, 2009
Good morning all and what a better morning it is...I actually slept on and off last night and got up to get the girls breakfast.  Still feel alittle agitated but not going outta my mind agitated.  

I have to say having only gone thru this for 4days 3 nights, that night 1 was the worst of all....Day 1 you are starting to get that really really uncomfortable feeling  and it is NOT fun, but the night you are besides yourself and want to jump outta your skin.  I think the other thing that has been the hardest for me is until this morning I did not even feel like myself at all and had no connection to even being human(this by the way is not a good feeling at all!!!)  I am actually going to go for a short trip outside the home today and hope it all gets better and better.

I know by the posts on here that day 3 and 4 can be the worst but day 4 for me has been my best so far and I am sooooooooo grateful to feel alittle better than yesterday @ this time.  

Doug, finally, JG, forgetmenot, pink....and everyone else your support has really meant alot to me and even though I know I am not even really thru the forest yet...I can see the sun.  Thank you and Bless you!!!

Happy Holidays to ALL!!!

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 23, 2009
Good morning everyone..The holidays are upon us and many of us are jubilant in our successes and in being clean for the holidays.Others are well on their way and the new year brings even better days ahead.I keep returning to this site because it is full of caring,intelligent,thoughtful wonderful people who want to help themselves and others in the struggle to get and remain clean from  tramadol and other substances.I have been here over 3 months and have seen many come and go and wonder how some are still doing.Notsosunny and booba especially come to mind because they had such a tough time and have not posted recently.I pray everything is going smoothly for them and all the others who have not posted recently.Many lives have been changed for the better here and I hope it continues.Merry Christmas to everyone and if I am not here as often its cause I'm busy and clean.Love to all and good healing.

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 23, 2009
By the way...Pharma- you are so kind and considerate and helpful to all.  Thank you for coming back on here and supporting newbies even though you yourself are clean and sober!  One thing I forgot to mention is that is really is quite amazing that this site and thread is followed and used by such "normal", professional and kind people who are just living their lives and need help to jump over the big hurdle.  Most sites dedicated to "self Help" are nowhere close to the comfort or support everyone is offered here.  Those people who got support...give back!  

Much love and blessings to all!

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by gerty411411, Dec 23, 2009
Hi Y'all,

I have not had a good last 5 days. Exhausted and feel like I did the first week out.  I assume this is paws.  

wishing you all a wonderful holiday.  I'm on my way to spend 3 days with my family.  Kind of looking forward to it.

Love, Gerty

Avatar universal
by MomOfTheseBoys, Dec 23, 2009
As I sit here getting ready for the day, I hauled out my giant make up box and picked out just a few things.. Its weird, like I dont need the make up mask to hide behind, the same way I hid myself behind pills.  I feel comfortable enough to show the real me!  My son came in and said 'mom you look pretty today'.  That brought out a burst of tears, of pride and accomplishment.  My kids dont know of my addiction, and at some point I may tell them of my struggle, but for today, it makes me happy that my son said im pretty, just the way I am.  

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 23, 2009
Gerty, Sorry your day is hard.  I hope you have a relaxing and comfortable time w family.  I started out today feeling pretty good and had to get out to get things for last min. shopping and as soon as I got aroung people I got really really nauseated and i now feel very flu like.  It is weird, for a few moments this morning I thought ...yippee I kicked it and now on and forward and by tonight I feel like I did yesterday.

Mom..I too have had a few tear bursts and it feels right and alittle raw but good!

Hopefully to get some sleep this evening and enjoy a bite of something.  Is it just me or do these w/d symptoms totally kick out an appetite.  i have to force myself to eat and drink.  
I hope tomorrow is even better and more sustainable.  

Wishing everyone a safe and peaceful and CLEAN..Holiday!!!

Avatar universal
by ANM3310, Dec 24, 2009
I'm new to the forum but very familar with the withdrawal symptoms. I havn't slept well in weeks. I have been slowing taking myself off of it and have done pretty well so far. I am down to about 75mg a day. Half on the a.m. and then half after lunch and last half before bed. The symptoms are more easy to deal with (most of the time).

Does anyone else get the brian zaps? It feels as if there are big electrical shocks going thru my brain. This comes when the w/d comes. IT HURTS! They will last for a split second but will happen every 30 seconds are so. I can't help but think this is not good! I havn't heard to much mentioned about this.

PLEASE GOD LET ME SLEEP! I will say for getting about 2 hours of broken up sleep, I do feel rather awake most of the time. Hang in there everyone and I will do the same!

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 24, 2009
Hi AnM and welcome.  The brain zaps you are referring to I think I might have had, but not to the extent that you mentioned.  I do think it might be an effect of the w/d in which your brain/body is telling you it needs more Tramadol.  Just hang in there.

Last night was a testing night for me as we had to rush our son to the ER for breathing difficulties.  He's only 9 months and was diagnosed with having RSV, a cold-like virus that typically doesn't do much damage to kids older than 2.  Unfortunately, our son was having labored breathing and wasn't taking fluids or eating.

He got some breathing treatments and actually had some Pedialyte, so perked up after four hours in the E.R and they sent us home.  Was rather testing in the sense that normally I probably would've had a pocketful of Trams and would've been taking them during this stressful situation.  Strangely, I had an overall calming sense while in the ER and did my best to make my son laugh or giggle during his breathing treatments.  

Today is day 14 and although I feel absolutely fantastic, I have experienced some of the brain farts associated with P.A.W.S, but that I can deal with.  I've made a running joke out of it as well.  Like, for instance, I got up at the dinner table to get my glass of iced tea of the island, and instead came back with my wallet.  After I got a little chuckle out of my moronic action, I felt a little better knowing these simple mistakes will get better.  Hell, I would live with these missteps even if it meant taking no more tramadol.

I am feeling great... which is ironic for spending over 4 hours in the E.R. last night.  It's Christmas Eve, and I couldn't be happier.  Just wish the son was a little healthier!  We'll have to see how he holds up today, but I think the worst is over.  Will take your prayers, though.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!  I'll try to pop on and off if anyone needs some extra encouragement!

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 24, 2009
Its always so good to hear from you Doug,You are so full of life and spirit.Keep up the good work and enjoy your renewed life with family and friends.Laugh at yourself and your funny little weaknesses because you really are very strong and capableI am off for 2 days and today am having Christmas Eve dinner at my house with my family.Just starting cooking with my daughter now.Tomorrow will visit other family and then back to the old grind.It certainly is a relief not to always be worrying if I have enough pills to get thru the day or worrying if someone finds my hidden ones.It aint gonna happen now cause there aint none anywhere and I am getting along great.Love and happy holidays to all.

Avatar universal
by hcii, Dec 24, 2009
ANM3310 posted:

"Does anyone else get the brian zaps? It feels as if there are big electrical shocks going thru my brain. This comes when the w/d comes. IT HURTS! They will last for a split second but will happen every 30 seconds are so. I can't help but think this is not good! I havn't heard to much mentioned about this. "

Yep.  Been there - done that.  Like little micro-bursts going through ones brain.  I had those about the time that I would get numb in and around my lips.

Sort of like a "split-second" blackout, huh?   Does that describe it pretty well?  I had those as well.  I can tell you that they were frequent for only 2-3 days, and as time went on they got less and less.  I'm no doctor so I can't tell you if they are dangerous or not, but I can say that I survived them.

Do you get them the most often when you are startled, or have to jerk your head rapidly towards one direction?  That is the way mine were.

Give it a few days.  If you are like me, they will keep getting fewer and farther between....


Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 24, 2009
Doug so sorry to hear about your visit to the ER...Yes RSV is very dangerous to little ones and I had a premie and was always scared to death to get RSV.  It sounds to me that you handled the stress very well for your family.  If they sent your son home they are confident he will do fine other wise theywould have admited him to the hospital(I had several friends have this happen).  I will pray for you and I know that everything will be just fine!

Welcome ANM-Alot of people have written about brain zaps and if you go thru the posts you will see alot like HCII.  The best thing for me was to read and read and read everyone elses post...go back thru all of them to Emily and it really helped me to set a date and time to take off to get off the cycle.  People come and go and alot of people come back to encourage others who might be trying to get well even though they are clean and sober.  I tapered for about 6mo. and never could get under 50mg aday w/out WD symptoms so I just arranged to jump off and I am only on my 4th night 5th day and it does get better.

Now on to last night.....I was very very upset and alarmed(although I should have expected it)to have a night very similar to my first night.  I kicked and jumped and turned and I am so very tired.  The only thing I did different was to forget my magnesium before bed, not sure if this added to the setback.  It is really scary to me how long this drug takes to get out of your system and this is a huge red flag to me to never ever put a T-devil in my mouth again!!!!!!!!  I finally got up around 4am and took a  very very hot bath and was able to get a few hours sleep.  I feel very jittery and unwell again today and that really stinks as it is xmas eve.  It has been mentioned several times that this process is not linear and has real ups and downs...I was just hoping I would be the lucky one who didn't have to go thru this.  Hopefully today will get better.

Avatar universal
by JG525, Dec 24, 2009
The brain zaps are associated with the SNRI properties.  Brain zaps are also common with Effexor and other AD withdrawals.  I've read that Dramamine can help, but haven't tried it.

Avatar universal
by Gettingcleanagain1221, Dec 24, 2009
I'm over a month out now as I stopped trams on nov. 22. It feels so good to have the monkey off my back for Christmas!!!  I still am having cravings b4 I have to do stuff with my family.... But I won't give in. I hope that everyone is doing well.  I've been inspired by reading all of these posts so I thought I'd drop a line and tell everyone MERRY CHRISTMAS(little early)!!!!! Hang in there if u are early in the process as it does take a little time for things to get better but it's more than worth it.

Avatar universal
by MomOfTheseBoys, Dec 24, 2009
I have been looking forward to my first clean Christmas in many many years. I had planned to pick up my 84 year old mother, take her to church with us for dinner, and bring her home.  As I ran around this morning, frantically finishing up errands before the 100 mile round trip, I called mom, to make sure she was ready.  Much to my dismay, she had forgotten, and had made plans with her boyfriend.   She spent Thanksgiving with him as well, not telling me until the last minute.  I had a good long cry, put on my big girl pants, and packed the car.  I'll go to church early to set up as we feed the homeless and less fortunate.  Situations like that normally would send me to my purse for a few pills to dull the pain, but I am determined.  No weapon formed against me shall prosper!

Merry Christmas to you and yours....stay strong


Avatar universal
by momtotwo77, Dec 24, 2009
Hi Everyone,
It is so wonderful to see I am not the only one going through this. I started taking tramadol about five years ago for herniated disks and chronic low back pain. Well to say the least I loved this stuff. I felt great, not tired at all and got quite a bit accomplished in my life. No one EVER thought I had an addiction problem, to be honest it didn't affect my life negatively at all. However I have decided to try to have another child ( six years after my second) and have to get off this stuff. I think this is easier for me maybe because I have this beautiful positive motivation behind me, but I am down to 4 a day for about 4 days now and no bad symptoms. I am planning to start three a day for four days tomorrow. Is  the worst yet to come? I am terrified by some of the stuff I am reading here. I went from 8 a day to four overnight and have stayed on four a day for about four days now . ANy support and advice would help . Another question is once I am down to nothing how long will the side effects last usually? One week, two weeks? Thanks to all and Best of Luck.

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 24, 2009
Welcome Momtotwo...You might feel some w/d symptoms when you go from 4 to 3, I is very strange how most of us didn't have a huge hard time titrating down to about 1/2 of what we were taking but going from there can/might not be harder.  I have to say I relate to your comment about :how it did not affect your life negatively.  One question I had to ask myself was, why do I keep taking more and upping my dose to get the same effects of good will, energy, no appetite.  I used this drug to not deal and felt no remorse whatsoever about it.  I even fooled myself that I was completely there for my kids when I really have to admit I was in my own world most of the time.  The relationship that suffers the most for me was my marriage because I didn't really care what he said or did....didn't effect me and I turned off completely any kind of connection.  This will be a hard thing to repair but necessary.  One thing I haven't even mentioned in all of my posts was absolutely NO LIBIDO>>>>this of course has been a HUGE issue for my husband and not an issue at all for lil ol me. is becoming so clear to me I have some serious work to do! :)

Everyones path is alittle different but several lines run across all of our stories.  Getting off is not easy at all and I think that the worst part is just wanting to take away that uncomfortable feeling and not being able to sleep.  My husband has been a life savior in this area as he has taken over kid patrol and duties as I...(who used to be super women and miss organized), can't get out of my bedroom to wrap presents for the kids.  I am still in the thick of it but I do take comfort in all of the earlier posts and know there is a wealth of information in thesse posts going back along time.

Your side effects will vary as mine are, some people feel like new in day 5 some not for weeks.  I had a great day yesterday and today and last night I feel like I did the 1st day.

We are here for you and I know everyone is here for me...thank you

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by gerty411411, Dec 25, 2009
Merry Christmas all!!!

I'm enjoying my family finally and most of the anxiety has gone.  My first drug free Christmasn in 2 years.
Besides a 5-10 lb weight gain form w/d I'm almost where I  should be. Intermittant paws is no fun but I had crappy days and week before t.

Love you all, Gerty

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 25, 2009
I love my family..We had a superb christmas eve singing and eating.My nephew plays the guitar and we had a sing along.We do this every year and just love it.I did manage to keep my alcohol down to 3 glasses of wine and finished the evening with juice.My house was totalled and I got up early this morning to clean it up.Everything is back to normal and I am wishing you all a good holiday.No temptation to take opiates and am bragging now I guess.

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 25, 2009
Merry Christmas everyone!  Enjoyed a nice cigar today with my Pop's girlfriend... which was a little bizarre but fun.  Day 14 (2 weeks off- Awesome) and feeling great. Hope everyone is enjoying their holiday!

Momtotwo, welcome!  Like so many of us, you share a very similiar story.  I had no ill effects of Tramadol emotionally/psychologically, but had to get off of them due to a condition called hyper-eosinophilia... which could have ultimately killed me.  Sad thing is, I continued to take Tramadol for it's anti-depressant/good feeling qualitites.

Regardless, I am glad I am two weeks out and am pretty much back to my good-ol-self, minus a couple Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms.  You're going to have a really bad first day or two off of Tramadol completely, but for every person it's different.  It is, however, important to read through these thousands of posts to understand the journey you're about to embark on.  It really is crazy the first few days, and you'll probably have to either tell people around you, or else lie and say you've come down with a nasty case of the flu.  You'll probably have restless leg syndrome, as well as a general malaise and anxiety... but if you can make it through the first 48 hours, it gets better and better each day out.

For the first week, you are going to feel like you have no energy and will be pretty down in the dumps.  You're sleep will be off and you'll probably won't feel like eating much.  Try to eat when you can and sleep when you can.

After the first week passes, you're going to start to feel really good about yourself and the cravings will eventually subside and you'll start to get your sleep back.  After my first week, a shipment of 180 tramadol came to my door and I had no problem flushing them right down the toilet.  After going through a week of w/d hell, I told myself I would NEVER touch Tramadol again.

The best part is, with the Tramadol out of my system, I'm beginning to realize all of those Super-human, multi-tasking abilities I had while on Tramadol are still there.  One fear I always had was that the Tramadol was what made me get to a high-level position for the Company I work for.  I always thought it gave me this upper-edge advantage, which I know now was completely false.  It wasn't the drugs that did that... it was me.

The first 48 hours are always the worst.  Even with a taper, you're going to find those first two days off are almost unbearable.  That's where this site comes in handy.  I wouldn't have made it through it if I didn't have people to talk to here.  This is a very valuable resource, and we're here to help.

We've been exactly in your boat, and we made the leap... and I am so proud I did.  I am off Tramadol for the first time in over six years, and I couldn't be happier, and neither could my wife.  I'm a new, revitalized me, free of Tramadevil and so lucid it is almost hard to believe.  Just remember, we're here to help!

Have a happy holiday everyone!

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 25, 2009
Merry xmas all!!!  Today fell alittle better, actually got around 4 hus of sleep and am able to visit w/family and friends w/out wanting to crawl outta my skin!  I feel partially human today and enjoyed dinner alot.  I haven't had an appetite at all and it was good to enjoy a meal.  Im really tired and feel like I am hung over but the anxiety has quieted down and it is not keeping me from engaging w/people.  The hardest right now is getting sleep but it is getting better.  

Ditto to everything want(Doug)said, he is right on!

Happy holidays to all!!!

Avatar universal
by newway, Dec 25, 2009
Happy holidays all.

It is quite the test for me.  We are away from home, staying with my mom who is an active alcoholic.  My cravings are crazy - my first clean and sober Christmas in more than a decade.  I crave the pills but keep distracting myself.
This year with a clear head I can focus on the neices and nephews - enjoy their company and play with them.
I still have the desire to isolate - take a handful of pills and chill out rather than join the party - but I did find myself joining in on the christmas carols - and laughing - a real honest to god laugh.  I had almost forgotten what that was!

Hope you are all enjoying the holidays
Take care of yourselves.

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by Prospero73, Dec 25, 2009
wantmyselfback wrote:

"The best part is, with the Tramadol out of my system, I'm beginning to realize all of those Super-human, multi-tasking abilities I had while on Tramadol are still there.  One fear I always had was that the Tramadol was what made me get to a high-level position for the Company I work for.  I always thought it gave me this upper-edge advantage, which I know now was completely false.  It wasn't the drugs that did that... it was me. "

This reminds me of the old Disney movie Dumbo, in which a big-eared young elephant found that he could fly while he was holding a feather in his trunk.  He becomes a circus star  with his flying act, which appears headed for disaster one day when he loses the "magic feather" in mid-flight.  After a brief but harrowing falter, he is astonished (and relieved) to find that he flies just as well without it.

My magic feather when I was an actor many years ago was booze, which I consumed steadily behind the scenes at performances, believing it necessary to overcome my stagefright and to relax.  After I sobered up, I was apprehensive about appearing in a play without my crutch, but as soon as I got on stage I realized the same thing: it was me.

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 26, 2009
Well it is 1230 on xmas and I am having a very difficult time sleeping AGAIN!  We are away from home so I can not just tuck away in my room.  Today went very well and I almost forgot I was in w/d until I went to bed again and wanted to post to keep my mind off not sleeping.  Do any of you others out there think because we have been slaves to Trama... that we should be extra cafeful w/any other meds.  I thought of this tonight and wonder now if I will have to grill my DR. about everything i might forseeably(sp) be on in the years to come.  I know I will never ever take this drug again but now I worry about me being a hard core addict for the rest of my life and never having control again,...any thoughts would be nice.  By the way...I have never had any other drug/alcohol prob.  although I always did like the feeling of pain medication, just never abused it.  

On another note, I have felt more desire to move physically and get my body back into shape.  As I tapered on T I started gaining weight about 6 months ago and never ever have been able to rise up and take care of my body.  I now am thinking about running again and enjoying feeling good after a good sweat.  This will prob. be the b est thing in the world for me.

Newway, I know you have posted before but how long have you been off and do you;have anymore w/d symptoms?  Just curious about how the process is for others.  I just read thru your old posts and understand alittle better about your journey.  I truely hope during the holidays w/you family you find all of the strength and support you need to stay the course and press forward.  It is interesting to me how family ties into all of this for some of us.  Honestly I think w/out being on Trams that made me alittle more laid back and conversational, I will really struggle in the decision to spend alot of time w/my family....they set me off in the wrong direction and I am so grateful for my husbands family to spend quality time w and not feel really low after leaving them

Peace and calm to all .....Thanks for letting me drone on and really does help!!

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 26, 2009
I understand your question about being an addict all our lives.Can we control other drugs in the future if we need them.I have learned when I withdrew from opiates that regular otc pain meds control my pain and that I no longer wake up with pain,but it can develop it as the day progresses.That is when I take my extrastrength tylenol and if its not enough ibuprofen as well in recommended doses.I think that often when doctors prescribe pain meds post surgery they do not consider the otc stuff and go for the heavy duty guns like opiates right away.I see many people who are allergic to narcotics deal with short term pain with otc drugs because they have no choice.Often the pain is short term and the natural endorphins kick in and help.Chronic pain has to be dealt with differently,but again since opiates cause so much rebound pain,otc's in recommended doses will keep it under fairly good control.If used as directed they do not cause as much rebound pain and are reasonably safe altho there is always possibility of kidney or liver damage.So what I am saying is....We have to deal with things as they come along and with our new knowledge about these drugs we will be able to cope with pain without them and possibly as a last resort may be able to deal with opiates for a very short time if needed.All this theory also applies to benzos,sleeping pills,booze,cigarettes,shopping,food.All these things can be addicting and overdone and we have to be constantly vigilant and determined not to let them overcome us.

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by gerty411411, Dec 26, 2009
HI ALL,  Finally on my way back home from wisiting my family.  I had a failry good time untill yesterday.  I ended up takina few sips of chanpagne of which I did enjoy somewhat.I also took a Lorazapam that I found in my parents medicine cabinet.  I certainly slept like a baby..I'm not sure if I''an alcoholic or not.  I d know that when I was on T I drank very heavily.  Haven't really wanted to drink since stopping tram..The stress of the holiday get togethers.

I know in this whole process I'm still in the baby stages and have alot to learn.

If I'm coming over, keep your medicine cabinets locked up tight!


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by gerty411411, Dec 26, 2009
God that wiil teach me to blog in the car----all of the typos.  Very glad to be in my house with my family.  My safe zone.
I won't let a few sips of champagne and a lorazepam keep me of track.

Hope all is going well!!

Continue on warriors!  Gerty

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by cake698, Dec 27, 2009
15 days have gone so fast and ive never felt better.  im back to my ol self. the only issue i only deal with cravings right now.I hope everyone had a great holiday!!!!!

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by gerty411411, Dec 27, 2009
Very depressed.  The holidays are quite stressful.  You wouldn't beleive all of the overdoses that cime in the hospital this time of the year.  I miss the sun. It's hard to get used to life without the glaze of drugs or alcohol.  I do enjoy my family now but feel that there is something missing. This is the part of me I've been tucking away with various tinctures and compounds since I was a teenager.  It definately is a part of my I do not like.

Once the holiday hullabaloo is over and my bellydance classed begin in January I'll feel a bit better.  
also will have my meeting with he psychologist next week.

Thanks all for being there'


Avatar universal
by pharma9, Dec 27, 2009
Yes gerty...It is hard not to have something that can continually smoothe over bad parts in our lives.But we do really have good and productive lives that really don't need an artificial screen.I have decided that my life is what it is and it is up to me...not some drug or substance to make it happy or tolerable.I am not rich,but neither am I poor and my job is quite satisfying.What need do I have for pills to help me along.I am not taking any opiates or benzo or sleeping pills,but I do seem to need tylenol extra strength every day.I look forward to those pills and almost get a high from them now.So can we say I am completely drug free...I don't know the answer,but if otc pain meds help me I am happy to settle for them.I have not had anxiety or depression since I quit the opiates and seem to cope with stress without them quite well.What I am saying is...we have to be happy with ourselves and our lives to continue to be substance free.Hope you are feeling more chipper soon and you go girl.

Avatar universal
by JG525, Dec 28, 2009
Gerty- I totally understand how you feel.  The depression and feeling that something is missing will come in waves.  This is why so many people find help in AA or NA.  It's a good substitute.  I don't go myself and still struggle with trying to figure out what is missing.  I think the brain has to adjust some to the loss of chemicals, especially the SNRI in tramadol.  This can take time.  Try to remember to stay in today and not wonder if this will last forever.  It most likely won't.


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by wantmyselfback, Dec 28, 2009
Trials and Tribulations... that's the gist of it all.  I did some extensive reading during the holiday break of almost every one of Emily Post's journals and those who contributed to it.  All of us came here for a reason:  to get off of tramadol.  Many have succeeded, some have not.  For those who have gotten off of tramadol, the next chapter begins... dealing with a new "you."  Sometimes that "you" has its ups and downs.  Depression after tramadol withdrawal seems to come in waves like so many have mentioned above (and in other posts) as well as some people still have to fight off cravings.

One thing I've realized is that your emotional well-being seems to play a major part in the withdrawal/recovery process.  It seems that what is happening in your lives affects how well (or not so well) the recovery process is.  In looking back at Emily's posts, she had a very difficult couple of months.  I am at day 19 now and compared to her day 19, I feel very fortunate.  In reading other posts, it has been so apparent that whatever issue these people are going through in there home life really does affect the withdrawal process.

Gert, that can explain the depression you are feeling.  I felt a little down in the dumps yesterday as well.  I think the holidays are really testing, since for almost everyone, these holidays do come with a certain amount of stress.  I had about 15 Italians at a dinner table on the 26th and wanted to drink about a gallon and half of wine... but managed to overcome that temptation by indulging in a nice cigar and some dessert.

As Jenny and others have mentioned, Tramadol is a double-whammy in the sense that it does act as an anti-depressant while using.  If you're coming off of tramadol, you're basically going to feel down in the dumps while you're brain tries to function without the anti-depressant part of Tramadol.  One thing that I've been taking is Lexapro 10 mg.  I really can't say if it's done anything, but I haven't really felt down in the dumps all too much, so it might be helping... who knows.

If you're new here, don't take any anti-depressants while on Tramadol, as it can have a negative effect and cause Seratonin Syndrome.  You should consult a doctor (that you trust) and explain your situation.  If you need to find a new doctor or a psychiatrist, you might want to consider doing so.

Regardless of your situation, you've come to the right place.  We're all going through this with you.  Many of us have been through the thick of it, so we can walk you through the hardest part.  

It seems getting your emotional/psychological well-being is an important part of the recovery process.  Although the holidays may put many of us down in the dumps, you need to focus on the general outcome of the future:  a life free of tramadol and a happier overall feeling of being clean and yourself.

God willing, we will all get through this.  Just try to make the best of these holidays while you can... and KEEP BUSY!  That seems to be the best solution right now.  It seems when I'm just sitting around doing nothing is when I feel the worst or start to get a general feeling of depression.  Finding a hobby, going for a walk, or even listening to music can turn your mood around.

Stay Strong!

Avatar universal
by coldestfeet, Dec 28, 2009
I have just stopped taking tramadol .....i have only being taking it for approx 2 weeks and was prescribed 100mg 4 times daily P.R.N any how i have stopped and feel so so cold especially my feet and feel rather down,

Could this be withdrawal after even only a short space of time back pain has returned for which i was prescribed in the first place due to an injury at it safe to take co-codomol in its place for pain relief (30mg/500mg)or is this just replacing with another addictive substance

should i just try and percivere with brufen and paracetamol for pain ....the more i read about tramadol the more horrified i am ....any advice would be welcome ....thanks in advance

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by joeyneedsyoutohelpme, Dec 28, 2009
can someone help me? I am withdrawing day 1. opiates last 3 years. I feel like killing myself. i use to be so much more.I need somebody to call me. I am alone in alabama. I need help

Avatar universal
by grandmagirl, Dec 28, 2009
Yes we can help you...Keep posting and let us guide you...Eat something everyday. TY PM for sleep helps a lot....Drink lots of water and google the Thomas reciepe...Read as many of the posts as you can..I'm a click away if you need more help.

Peaceful wishes from California

Avatar universal
by newway, Dec 28, 2009
I am home from the whirlwind Christmas family visit.  Most went well - but my mom can reduce me to a 10 year old in no time.

I always find the after holiday time depressing - it just seems like such a let down.  I know my family is my family - but every year I go expecting the Norman Rockwell Holidays and am instead confronted with the reality of life.

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 28, 2009
Joey...this is by far the worst day you will have and remember you have put this in your system for many years and it will take alittle time to sweat it all out.  Night time is the worst for all of us espcially if you were taking tramado.  Take a few days off from work if possible and just be really really gentle w/yourself.  I only know the w/d symptoms associated w/ Tramadol and it might be alittle different for different opiates...keep writing and let everyone help the best they can.

It is now day 8 night 7 and the symptoms have not been a picnic AT ALL!!!  I thought I was thru the worst of it and last night has RLS so bad I had to get up and take a prescription sleep aid.  Had a migrane today but now feel almost right.  Night is by far the worst for me and just know there a ALOT of us out here going thru what you are, regular, normal couldn't tell us apart if you had to.  That is what kept up the secret so long for normal and super I seemed.  

We are all in this together!!!

Avatar universal
by howcouldiknow88, Dec 28, 2009
Hey, everyone. I got ****** off at my taper so I flushed the rest of my tramadol. I am on day 2 of cold turkey and let me say it has been extremely horrible. I have been through this before, but it seems much more intense this time around.

Been on this drug for 6 years and I know everything about it (most of us do). It's chemical make-up, it's metabolites, how it acts in the brain, etc. I'm a tramadol expert. Anyone else get this deep into it? But there is one thing I'm unsure of....

Would using codeine or hydrocodone during tramadol withdrawal start the process over? If so, I will stop using the left over codeine from an old script. It doesn't even help all of the withdrawal. Mainly just the disrrhea and RLS. I don't feel it's starting the tramadol withdrawal over, in that, today was much worse than yesterday. Just wanting to know if anyone knows for sure? Tomorrow is day 3...I know I'm almost there. I have been forcing myself to do things. I've helped my fiance clean, been messing with the baby - as if everything is normal. When we were waking up this morning I did lie in bed a cry a little. Luckily, fiance was there for support.

Everyone is right; this is war. But I'm going in this extremely angry. I want to beat this!!!! I'm actually gaining from withdrawal. It is teaching me patience, which is something tramadol has made me forget about over the years.

Avatar universal
by fixn2winawar, Dec 28, 2009
hope everyone survived the holidays, and had a great CLEAN 1st holiday and to the rest fighting next year will be just as awsome. good luck and just think a CLEAN new year is just around the corner!!!! good luck and stay strong all.

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 29, 2009
good morning ...1:17am and can not sleep at all...this sleep thing is really getting to me.

How could I know....I have no idea to the answer of would hydroco. work.  It didn't help me at all but then during these w/d/ symptoms..nothing has.  I finally got ahold of a very strong sleep med and this helped for about 4 hrs.  I am not more that a week out and still feel effects of w/d, but I feel MUCH better than the first 3/4/days.  I think tears are part of the w/d process....most of us have not used that release much and it will prob. be good for us!   As I have read posts over the last 2 weeks..alot of people have had the same reaction as you...ANGER and I think it is justified and necessary!  Please keep posting and let us know how you are and know we are right there w/you!  As you can see....I am still up and down in this process and hopefully the 1am posts will cease to exist!:)  Try to get sleep and be really gentle w/ yourself!

Avatar universal
by newway, Dec 29, 2009
howcould - I found each time I tried to quit more difficult.  I had been on tram for longer, and my dose had increased a little each time.
Codine etc, any form of opiate like substance will just prolong your agony - there is no easy way.  Some try benzo's to help sleep and settle the RLS but that is a very addictive road to travel down.
Read back through some of the posts - many have used the hot bath, epsom salt for RLS - also many swear by the Thomas recipie.
But when it all comes down to it - it is just hard - and time is the best healer.
Hang in there.

Avatar universal
by RollerCan, Dec 29, 2009
I have been on and off (mostly on) the Tram for 4 years.  Every time I attempt to come off of it I look to this forum for information and advice.  It's extremely inspirational (thanks to each of you)... though ultimately I slide back into bad patterns.  I am attempting yet again to give it up. This time instead of just reading these posts I will dive in with some random thoughts of my own.

The morning of the 24th was the last time I imbibed.  I braced myself for, and am now experiencing, the most horrendous holiday season of my 31 years.  You can only prepare yourself so much even if you know what's coming.

I read this sentence posted by a member earlier this month: "How many of you found yourself searching the bottom of your closet, car, or even in between your couch coushins just to find that one pill until your next refill came?"
Wow, did I ever. The easter egg hunt and subsequent high before the high if indeed I tracked one down.  Whenever I received a refill I used to even scatter and conceal a few pills around my backpack or car just to have the opportunity to hunt one down if I was unable to receive the next refill in time.
If you are thinking about giving this garbage up, or if you are having thoughts of going back, just try to picture a 31 year old man participating in an easter egg hunt; then picture the actual sadness that is the ultimate elation on this man's face having found an egg. No offense to those of you who do legitimately participate in said hunts. Stay strong.

Avatar universal
by youjustknow, Dec 29, 2009
Hey all-

I as well used Tram for 1.5 years @ 300-400mg daily and have been reading the posts on and off for last 6 months, during which I had tried to come off Tram a couple times.  I like many of you found these posts from others both comforting, encouraging, and educational.  It is much easier to face things...especially unpleasant ones when you know what to expect.

I'm on day 15 of being clean now, and am happy to have committed to the process of w/d.  Instead of going through a story of my thoughts on tram, experiences, and what I've learned, I thought I'd just bullet point some things that may help you on your road to recovery.  You'll see many of my points are echoed by what many others have shared...which take comfort from...we are all on the same team, Warriors indeed.

1. Tramadol is a time killer - Look back and tell me how alive you felt in the years you were using?  You may have felt     and buzz and a lift, but you weren't were a ghost and you are or have given away time and experiences that you won't get back.

2. Tram is a control freak - Tram will completely dictate your life.  It was painful to read and agree with others posting "the counting of pills, freaking out about maybe not getting a refill, circling a refill date, searching desperately to find one last tab, and so on...".  Is there any doubt that it will dictate your days?

3. Tram will haunt you - One thing I found fascinating (in a negative context) about this drug is how it haunts your mind.  I remember one day I was shaking and had a cold sweat going to pick up a refill of it...but had not been off for even a full it wasn't W/D it was my mind simply reacting to the outside stimulus!  Later, this would be echoed numerous times as I would have similar situations and even getting a buzz from simply knowing that I was "ok" for another 30 days.  Tragic, and this is half of why its so hard to come off I believe.  Your mind reacts to the potential of being off it long before the W/D has even kicked in.  Now that is truly haunting.

4. Tram W/D *****, but look for the light - It is well documented that day 2-3 and days 7-8 are brutal.  You'll find yourself crying at the drop of a hat, feeling emotional overloads, the issues with sleeping, and literally feeling you are crawling out of your skin.  BUT, one thing that I found was a strange silver lining to the cloud was that during the past 2 weeks on my w/d is that you will feel an incredible connection to your past.  I read of others here having this same effect...and being a person that is very nostalgic, I welcomed this happening.  I actually went back and read old journals, looked at old pictures, and remembered good times.  Since emotional response (although a variable thing right now) was back, for me this felt like it helped increase my natural feel good chemicals in my brain.  It did cause me to have some overloads I will admit, but it was the feeling of feeling I had forgot I loved so much.  So to restate....enjoy the feeling of feeling again

5. Fight with the Write -  If you don't journal while coming off Tram, you are making the fight harder on yourself.  Sure, reading others words on here will encourage, inspire, and comfort you...but reading your own words will change you.  Looking over my journal the last 15 days...I'm strengthened to see what I've come through and my motivation to change and never put myself through this again is enforced each day I write and re-read.  

I could probably do a hundred of these points...but these were a few I wanted to share.  Why you ask did I decide to come off Tram?  When I learned I was no longer me.  You'll see on here many people say the same thing...and its a tragic thing indeed.  But do me a favor...look at your eyes in the mirror today.  Are they veiled?  I remember after being off Tram for just a week I looked in the mirror and just said "Wow...", it was if I was looking into eyes that were alive again.  It was a revelation for me and one I will never forget.  

Best to you

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by Pat_, Dec 29, 2009
End of day three for me. This is my second time quitting...the last time my back and hip pain eventually drove me back to it. No one to blame but me, I knew the effects; the printed warning provided with it disclosed increased tolerance, withdrawals, and a potential addiction. I kept my dose low over the the past six months, so beside the fog and a upset stomach it hasn't been awful. I've got a new non-tram pain management plan this go time. Yoga, diet, ice, and heat should be able to minimize my pain and help me stay clean.

Best to all, and keep up the good fight!

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 29, 2009
Youjustknow,rollercan, and Pat...Welcome and thanks for sharing w/us.  I am on day10, night 9 and still having trouble at night but today felt wonderful and cleaned and spent alot of time w/ the kids...I still dread night and have a hard time sleeping thru it but all in all feel sooooooo much better than 5 days ago.  I never want to go thru that again, it actually scares the crap outta me and I want to warn everyone about it.  I have a dear friend who is prescribed Ultram for pain and she doesn't use it much and I want so bad to tell her what I have been thru but she doesn't know I had been on it for years.  there is alot of good and useful advice above and I know we all gain from your sharing.  thanks!!!

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by gerty411411, Dec 29, 2009
Hey all,  feeling some of my depression lift.  Have actually been getting through 12 hour busy workdays and not thinking about tram.  I liked the analagy --I'm not a good speller -- about the easter egg hunt  from rollercan.  It's just amazing what a hold this crap can have on us.  I'm so proud I made through the holidays with my parents and didn't have a relapse.  
Keep on trucking!!!


Avatar universal
by FinallyFred, Dec 30, 2009
Youjustknow,  Nicely done.   Well said.  

fedupp, congratulations on ten days off this stuff.  You are doing SO great.  Yes, recovery isn't linear and some days you will feel worse than the day before it.  But keep putting moments between yourself and that last lovely white pill and you ARE returning to (your) normal.  

It is new, feeling again.   After living in the tramazone for a long time, I know that facing reality on reality's terms is not always pleasant, easy or kind.    But how priceless is it to be out from under the spell of a drug that controlled us for so long.

Gertry, congratulations on making it through Christmas without relapsing.

Not one of us has any guarantees about what tomrrow might hold for us.  But I am utterly glad to say that at least for today, I didn't need to take another tramadol`

Good Night to all (I hope).   And if you can't sleep, start writing a book or posting like made men and women.  Distraction may not give you sleep, but it beats kicking the sheets.


Avatar universal
by coldestfeet, Dec 30, 2009
Well here i am ....last Tramadol on boxing day(26th) so so so so tired the sleep thing is really getting to me but must carry on, How long does the disturbed sleep last?

I am lucky in many ways the rest of my W/D symptoms are mild but the lack of sleep is the hardest and some crazy dreams in the brief bits of sleep i do get.

I had been prescribed this 10 years ago maybe a smaller dose i was taking it longer and dont remember this happening at all guess i was just lucky that time .....i do know though never again for me the pain relief was great but this part of it defeats all the benefits.

Paracetamol and brufen for me all the way.....

Thanks for the support and info provided to me on this journal though helps keep me focused and strong

Avatar universal
by howcouldiknow88, Dec 30, 2009
Coldest, from information I have gathered, the sleep issues can go on for quite awhile, but are a lot better once the withdrawal is actually over.

Everyone, the codeine, hydrocodone seem to have no effect on starting the process over. And I feel that I won't have to use these "alternate" meds tomorrow. On day 4 and the respiratory symptoms have vanished (fast breathing, sneezing, etc). Still have that general feeling of discomfort and "UGGGHG" throughout body (mainly arms and legs). Now emotional symptoms are kicking in. My fiance went to work last night and I just started crying because I missed her so much? I have missed her before, of course, but I've never cried over her going to work. Was weird...but strangely pleasant. And reading some of your posts, the way you guys word yourself sometimes, just hits me and I get misty-eyed.

Believe it or not, I have had lots of energy (even before using alternate meds in the morning). I hop out of bed (yes, I have slept a little). We even went to the store last night and the fiance baught me a "reward". She has been very supportive during this and is happy to see me coming off the tramadol.

I always felt that tramadol made me a better person, more articulate, more social, just all over a better dude. And maybe it did at first, but now I see it just wants to control me. I am trying to learn to be sober. Yes, I've been using alternate meds, but they don't provide a buzz, I guess because I was on tramadol for years. Everything from sounds to smells just feel different. Even though I feel terribly sick due to withdrawal...I guess I feel a little healthier. Bout to clean I suppose.

Forgive the sloppiness of this post...I just don't feel that great right now. You know how it is.

Avatar universal
by 4leefclover, Dec 30, 2009
Hello everyone
thank you for all your sharing and advice. I realized I was having trouble with tramadol while I was on the stuff. I lost weight (I thought that was cool) but I had a strange 'fullness' in my chest, diarrhea some days on, irritability at times during the day, DEPRESSION and anxiety. I started taking it regularly for osteoarthiritis in aug 09 anywhere from 100-200mg daily. pretty soon it was a rare day I didn't do 200 a day. i took 100 in the afternoon and 100 in the evening. the first few months were pretty ok-- I could get a lot done!! I noticed how important it became to take it on time or I did not feel well. I think I have been in semi withdrawal while on the drug for at least the last 2 months. I began seriously thinking I needed to take more and I came to this site and read for hours. you helped me decide I need to STOP> last sat I took 150 sun 100 mon 100 tues none wed so far none.......I flushed A LOT of pills on tues ......good thing cause last night i slept not a wink took 5 baths used a heating pad alternated between sweats and freezing, had exquisite pain in chest and stomach and then for 30 min here and there would be pain free (but NO SLEEP)
if i had it around  who knows what i would have done at 530am?

I have no craving to get more....there are a few ways I ALREADY feel better anxiety is less and not much diarrhea
that fullness in my chest is gone
the rest?
like a living hell!!!!

here are some of the things I am doing to try to get through this
(calling in sick for 3 days running is going to get me a probation at work but i REALLY don't think i can go tomorrow)

I am using Sam E in the morning for pain and mood elevation (400mg)
5 HTP mid day 50mg and at night 50 mg before bed
tart cherry juice concentrate 1 oz once or twice a day (for pain and antioxidants)
LOTS of herbal tea, water, a little coffee (although it makes me queasy but I don't need to be withdrawing from THAT right now THIS headache is plenty)
Ibuprophen and tylenol
and vits too

trying to eat healthy when i feel like eating
my partner knows
my kids are home from college and wonder why mom is sick
i can't say
i just cant disappoint them about this !!!!!!!

I called my MD this am and asked for something mild to help with sleep
he said i need to take 1 tram every other day for awhile
and he said take the tyl and ibuprophen
he says i am having a 'rebound effect'
I am in full blown opiate withdrawal
as well as antidepressant withdrawal
you all know I am sure that there is an antidepressant side to this drug??????

makes the w/d more complex i think
thanks for help courageous sharing strength and support
i love having a place to come and read at 3am to HELP ME KNOW I CAN DO THIS

Avatar universal
by howcouldiknow88, Dec 30, 2009
4leefclover...i am currently in tramadol withdrawal right now. You are not alone! When you feel that you are suffering badly, just think that someone else some distance away if w/d from tramadol as well.

Tramadol doesn't actually "have" an anti-depressant in it, but a couple of it's metabolites act like one. Why? I have no idea. They say it helps relieve pain along with the opioid effects. Similar to the way Cymbalta (duloxetine) is used for some pain as well. Yes, tramadol's complex central actions make withdrawal extremely strange and agonizing. It's unbearable at times and I've been through it once before awhile back and I was high on the fact that I got through it. Of course I then picked up my refill and was a slave to the drug fo ra few more years. Well, now I'm angry and sick of it! So flushed my pills as well. I was tapering, but felt it was useless so flushed 'em. Sorry tramadol.

Avatar universal
by wwoodle, Dec 30, 2009
Wow, glad I stumbled on you guys.  Long story short I've recently been told I have brain atrophy and that's why I'm having headaches, fogginess, etc.  I was given Ultram (50mg) and told to take one every 4-6 hours as needed for the pain.  It doesn't completely get rid of my bad feelings, but it does help.  From what I think I'm reading here I need to put up with the pain rather than use this stuff?  Is there anything else that in non-addictive I should talk to my doc about?

Avatar universal
by 4leefclover, Dec 30, 2009
howcouldiknow-  this thing CAN BE DONE. good work making the decision. and taking your action. i admire your resolve.

  i am inspired knowing i am not alone. i am amazed at what i have learned on this site. thank you all for the information and the sharing support.
  today just after noon i had a huge panic attack....came out of nowhere like a tidal wave.....BAM
my heart racing, trouble catching my breath. i had called my prescribing MD this am and he wanted me to wean slower but i am already many hours into withdrawal and don't want it anymore.
so I hopped into the car and drove to urgent care. (a few wrong turns......brain fog)
I sat in a brightly fluorescent lit waiting room, with crying babies waiting for 40 minutes with my heart on fire, my back, knees  yuck!!! i explained the tramadol withdrawal to the nurse and MD there and they gave me clonidine  a blood pressure pill that helps with opiate withdrawal (and is NOT psychotropic)
it isn't anything magic but it is improving things a bit
or maybe i just don't know------ i have a good hour here and there anyway
i love the posts describing the veil tramadol brings into life
if i can call that living
i can see myself getting free
and even tho this *****
i want my life free of this trap, this dominating destructive agent
running my world

i was awash in self pity and resentment while on it toward the end
at first all was 'right with the world'
it is like a lover that becomes possessed
turns and ravages my outlook on life
so gradually i go along with the whole show
begin revolving my life around refills and pill counts

i already feel a 'spark' of authentic self within me
and i think every hour off fans that flame

keep up all the great work out there
and thank you for your kind support


Avatar universal
by RollerCan, Dec 30, 2009
wwoodle - My advice is to flush it and run like hell.  Ask your doctor for something else even if it too is potentially addictive.  Many say addiction is addiction, withdrawal is withdrawal, pain is pain. I agree with this statement to a certain extent.  But I have been hooked on a few different prescriptions, pain killers and stimulants alike, and to me anyway the withdrawal from Ultram/Tramadol is exponentially worse than anything else I've ever w/d from.  Many others have shared this same thought, and these fellow poppers are almost universal in their belief that the reason for this is the dual action pain killer/anti-depressant properties of the drug. (Is there verifiable medical research on this, anyone?) You will potentially face both physical and psychological w/d symptoms.

It is clear that I cannot speak intelligently as to whether one rx is more addictive than another, as they are all equally addictive to me. Bottom line: addiction is a possibility with many rx pain killers. I do stand firm on my withdrawal assessment.

For this you must evaluate yourself individually. If you have addictive proclivities then I would seriously discuss other options with your doctor. If you believe that can stick to the script and avoid long term use you probably will be fine. I still say that even if the latter is true try to get something else.  

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 30, 2009
Alot of new posters and great info.  It is very strange that I have been doing so well and BAM  today I feel very panicky and nervous and unable to relax with a mild headache.  When does it end.  I had such a good day yesterday and got so much caught up and today I have that feeling in my arms and chest AGAIN!!!  I know that things in my life are making this more stressful but this is just crappy!!!  I hope tomorrow is better.  

It just hit me that this journal will prob go on and on for years as more and more people come to find it and the help it gives...hope and reassurance too!  Anyone else have Extremely cold feet.  I can not get them warm...  

My doctor prescribes a mild antidepres. for regulating my migranes and I am terrified I will have these kind of w/d when I go off them.  Up until I decided to quit the devil, I didn't even take amitriptilyn(sp) regularly but as I was going thru w/d I started to take them regularly because I thought it might help w/ w/d.  What does everyone think about anti/depres. in general, I am so unsure and not even sure they help my migranes.  

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by wantmyselfback, Dec 30, 2009
Welcome new posters.  Day 22 for me and going strong.  Feel free to check out all of these and past posts.  They are EXTREMELY helpful during your first few days of W/D.  

We are here to help and have been through hell and back.  You've come to the right place.  Stay strong, keep reading and posting, and you'll be out of the woods in no time!

Avatar universal
by 4leefclover, Dec 30, 2009
day 22  cool  i love hearing that you feel you are going strong
I am day 3 no tram
and feel a clawing gnawing in my gut off and on throughout the day
along with the chills sweats
pain that travels around my body and expands and contracts
very very tough going
i feel no urge to use more
I know if i keep doing what i'm doing
thanks for the encouragement
it helps to hear about day 22
i want to get there too
I am worried about NO SLEEP
i did not sleep AT ALL LAST NIGHT
(you guys helped
i got on the post and read last night)  

Avatar universal
by diverme1, Dec 31, 2009
73HOURS without Tramadol...

I think I slept about 3 hours in these 73hours! The w/d symptoms of shortness of breath made it IMPOSSIBLE to sleep! I  thought this was hell; wanting to sleep, laying on a comfortable bed, with comfortable bedding, perfect temp., etc...and not sleeping because I cannot breath! I felt I was suffocating!

Yet, I feel good that I decided to leave Tramadol. I know things will get better. The first 72 hours are always the worst for withdrawl symptoms for any addiction. Tramadol is more of a type of torture at the end, than the pain reliever it is marketed to be.

Avatar universal
by newway, Dec 31, 2009
I am 23 days clean from t.   Some days I think it is great, and other days when my energy is low, my back is killing me and I am unable to sleep - I still think - maybe just a few would get me through this rough patch.
I expected things to be so much better by now - forgetting all the emotional baggage that comes with addiction.  Now when I am overwhelmed etc. I have no where to turn.  Over the holidays you have no idea how many times the automatic thought of popping  a few pills crossed my mind,
While getting off Tram was miserable - I think staying off it will be my biggest battle.

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by gerty411411, Dec 31, 2009
Hey Y'all!!

After almost 2 months I'm feeling better but still have foggy days.  They are less frequent.
New-- Soon you will feel better. I am so psyched you are doing so well.
I don't miss the fedex man. I don't miss wondering if I have enough pills.  I don't miss the guilt of secretly poppin pills all day and night.  I don't miss the constipation LOL!
My only complaint is weight gain.  I know when I was on T I was herion chick thin but I have gained 5-7 lbs and don't want to put any more on.  However in the big scheme of things that is a small price to pay.
The song Your so vain is definately in my head!!!!!
I'm off to work.

Take care all!!!

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by Pat_, Dec 31, 2009
Day five for me, felt really great for most of yesterday, did some weights went for a jog. Late yesterday I felt nauseous until bedtime. I have a tendency to blame tram for every ill feeling and ache during these early days. Who knows. Fortunately, no sleep issues for me.

wwoodle, I too advise checking with your doctor for an alternative.

newway, staying off tram will also be my long term battle, and although it may sound cliché, I think "one day at a time" is the only way to be successful. Also, what I need is for my alternate pain plan to work. I will only focus on today...

Best to all warriors, Happy New Year, and stay strong!  

Avatar universal
by 4leefclover, Dec 31, 2009
pat- good suggestion. maybe EVERY discomfort isn't withdrawal --although I am very early
(I think I am counting the hours wrong........from last dose taken? or 24hours from last dose)
24 hours feels like a long time

you are so lucky having no sleep issues

I was worried
but slept about 4 hours last night
not bad

Diverme  I have the chest discomfort too
I got a short script for clonidine yesterday and i think it is helping
it is a blood pressure med so no addiction potential
but it does recep at the areas anti anxiety meds  do so it helps with the anxiety pretty well
it is not magic but very assistive
i take 3 a day for 2 days then 2 a day for 2 then 1 a day for 2

i feel less depressed already but very anxious
i am sore all over
can't embrace my loved ones much
tummy, chest arms
sore like bruised everywhere

my last dose of the Tram was 100mg on monday 28th
this has been BRUTAL
called in sick again today

i liked the weight loss too
and i know i will be gaining some now
what a price to be thin eh?

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by JC4504, Dec 31, 2009
I am on day 2.  I have stopped cold turkey because of the stuff I have read about withdrawal on the internet. I figured unless I planned on staying on it for the rest of my life (which I don't think will happen because I DO believe this drug will be controlled soon) then I better stop before I used it any more and made the future withdrawal worse.

I have been taking it for 5 months, strictly as prescribed, 50mg three times a day. I decided to go off cold turkey because when I cut down I still felt miserable so I wanted to get it over ASAP. Yesterday, when I had a full 24 hours down, I talked to my neuro and told him Tramadol was not working anymore for my pain. That is a lie, because it does work well, but I wanted prescription strength ibuprofen (he offered a narc but no way...not after my reading) and I figured it was a good way to never get another precription of it again. It would be hard to go back and tell him I want it now after I made a big deal of it being useless for my pain and not wanting it again. :)

I really feel like I have the flu right now. It is not excruciating pain at all. In my case it is not anything that everyone does not go through when they get a bug. It just feels like a bad flu. My whole body hurts. I am restless but I don't have much energy to do anything. My stomach feels weird. I am having chills, cold but sweating. I feel sick.

The one thing I don't see on here is coughing. I can not stop coughing and my throat is sore so that makes it really hurt with the constant coughing. Is that part of the withdrawal? I am almost convincing myself that I have some kind of infection on top of the withdrawal. It could be true because I really feel exactly like I do when i have the flu.

  I am weary of taking anything now. My doctor gave me some Zanflex-8mg yesterday. He combo'd that with an anti depressant he wants me to start but when I googled that the withdrawal seems worse than tramadol. That is only after people being on this antidepressant for a couple of weeks. I think, for now, I am going to stick with my tylenol, ibuprofen and stomach medicine.

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 31, 2009
Diver,Pat,4leef and all others...great Job!!!  it is absolutly the worst the 1st couple of days and there is nothing I have ever experienced quite like it.  Noone would understand unless they go thru it.  On that note, we are all crazy strong warriors and have what it takes!!!  I feel very proud of myself and others just making the decision(it would be easier to just stay on the crap)and then following thru.  

I have a terrible migrane today, hormone related and last night I kept thinking even though I am in extreme pain on the right side of my brain/face, I would rather have the worst migrane ever than to go thru the 1st days of w/d again!!!

Yesterday was terrible and today ***** cuz I have a migrane but i do have less anxiety.  If I had to take off work I would claim Swine Flu symptoms and get well.  Do whatever it takes to get thru a few days.  Have a wonderful new year all and keep up the fight!!

Avatar universal
by 4leefclover, Dec 31, 2009
I have been coughing too...a dry cough when it hits i need to cough for awhile...but it doesnt hit too often 3-4 times a day now the SNEEZING is a different story....these are some monster sneezes 3-4 in a row several times a day
these, i have read here in this wonderful journal are related to w/d but you may have a bug, too
with your sore throat symptoms
the clonidine helps with the chills and stomach stuff...also the anxiety

if i took my last dose monday 28 2pm
what day of w/d am i on right now?

i have a friend who went to an MD in our fair city and he started her on 400-500 mg progesterone a day
this is a natural hormone replacement (other than the fact you run it through your gi system to get it into your bod)
she got tremendous migraine and headache relief from this treatment plan

i sure get tired easily
the full body aches come and go
overwhelming exhaustion
much less anxiety
moments of great happiness
also a feeling of connectedness to others
(i went to the grocery store today
and was SO AWARE that we are ALL ONE)

weird huh?
felt good to have a connection to others in that way
maybe being on this stuff creates a wall/fog/veil and i have been encapsulated
by my tramadol

and the relationship with the tram is broken off for good

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Dec 31, 2009
4leef, Yes Tram does give you veil between yourself and others, I fooled myself into thinking this was a good thing.  It is manifesting itself the worst in my relationship w/my husband.  He was so hurt buy the things I would say and I was cool as a cucumber!  I just didn't really care all that much.  as far as the progesterone goes....was she menopausal?  I think I do need a hormone specialist to help me w/ these horrific migranes but I am perimenopausal.  Any help would be appreciated

Jc most of what you are experiencing is prob W/D but w/ a sore throat you might have a little virus too.  All of the other symptoms you spoke of most people have.

I have almost kicked my migrane down and I do not feel as anxious as yesterday and could sleep some.  As far as how to count your days clean....I used 24 hrs to say day 1.  Not that this is hugely important but it is comforting putting a number on an accomplishment and getting more time under your belt.  One thing I think is important to share w/ people just starting is this is a process and it isn't over just like comes and goes and you have GREAT days and VERY bad days.  Mine are kinda going everyother day is a good one.  I am looking forward to everyday being decent!  
Happy New year all

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by JC4504, Dec 31, 2009
Yes, I went to the doctor and I have strep throat and a lung infection. I have ALL the luck I guess. Honestly though I have never been so glad to be told I am running a high fever. I was miserable anyway but now I have something else to blame and I don't have to lie to my work or friends about why I called in to work today. Glad I can take an antibiotic though to be less miserable. Maybe I am just trying to be positive about the whole thing becasue I really don't have a choice. LOL

My husband told me that I should "just take it now" (referring to Tramadol) and start tapering or quit when I am not feverish and sick but I told him NO way. He has read about this stuff online and will not let the tapering thing go. Tomorrow at noon will be 72 hours though and I am not backing up into that mess again for anything. If I make an excuse this time I will find another excuse next time. Where will it end?

Today I did realize that if I make myself do something it does help. I forced myself to get ready and go shopping this afternoon and I really did feel, not better exactly... but happier. When he had to park far out from the store I even told him that the walk would be good for me and I think it was... even though it was the last thing I wanted to do at that moment.  Today though I did stock up on movies I have been putting off seeing, scented epsom salt bath soaks, hot teas, food that I like, tissues and books that I have been wanting to read. I am planning on being miserable for the weekend but trying to just be grateful I have the next 3 days off of work.

I guess we will see what tomorrow brings....

Avatar universal
by 4leefclover, Dec 31, 2009
you can take progesterone supplement whether you are menopausal or not. the woman i referenced was peri like you-- another woman i know went to this same MD and takes progesterone to help with anti inflammatory symptom control for rheumatoid arthritis. she is having very good success. If you want to reference someone in your community who has similar thinking you might want to google search natural hormone therapy MD and your city--see what comes up.
thanks for sharing about your behavior with your husband. I know I have been hard on my partner. i have been thinking poorly and this makes me act in ways that i regret. i have had a lot of resentment and self pity and , like you said-- a certain distance from my emotions that has allowed me to express myself without much compassion.  

jc- you did a nice job 'stocking up' and it sounds like you want to 'ride out' your w/d. he sounds like he is concerned and wants you to have the best chance for healing. you can finish your w/d---   after 72hrs you are so way down the road of getting this out of your system. another pill will fill your cells with it...and they just start their cryin' for more all over again.

i have much fatigue
i am concerned about returning to work monday
i am pleased that i am clean as the new year comes in
i have been reading the Tao de Ching translated by Steven Mitchell
it is accessible on line
a beautiful document about life, acceptance love and healing
growing up
letting things be as they are
not 'labeling ' good bad right wrong

i thank you ALL for your time, energy, thoughts encouragement and support
I rely HEAViLY on this journal
and hope I can help someone the way you have all helped me


tramadol is a lie
a thief
a self centered little white pill that wants nothing more
your thoughts
your feelings
your focus
draining everything meaningful
out of life

I am so relieved that it is over
and i am going to have my own energy
generated from my sleep, nutrition and outlook
nothing artificial about it
I pray


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by JC4504, Dec 31, 2009

I know exactly what you mean by feeling disconnected with others. I have lost touch with many friends and been slowly isolating myself since I have been on the drug. So slowly that I did not notice it until my husband asked me why certain people never called or invited us to their things now. Maybe because I ignored their calls and never showed up or got in touch with them?

It also gave me a "I don't care" attitude about a lot of things. Someone could criticize me or try to talk to me about something at work and I could laugh it off and walk away without a second thought. Then I could go back and talk to them like nothing ever happened. That is not me at all.

  I blamed my isolating from friends and events on the fact that I was in pain and did not want to bring other people down. I know though that before I started on the drug I was in pain and not like that. I am, by nature, a very social, friendly and active person. I don't even think I have worked out ONE time since I started on the Tramadol and I have blown off countless invites to things. I hope, after I get to feeling better, I can start mending some relationships.

I have been counting my days off by full days. That is subject to change though because, lately, I have been thinking hours. I took my last one before noon on Tuesday.  I don't think it matters though what way you count it. Whatever makes you know that you have gone another day without it. :)

It looks like you are one full day ahead of me!! Still writing, shopping and keeping it up so I know that I can do it too!

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by forget_me_not, Dec 31, 2009
4leef, JC, gerty, Pat, fedupp and others... you are so inspiring!  Keep it up, keep posting, and most of all, KEEP your focus and your determination on being free from this poison.  Trust those who are further out that it DOES get better, and soon.  You'll start to feel improvements, some small and some large, in coming days.  Just stay the course and trust your body knows how to heal.  Time.  That's what it takes.  Just time.

Healing and strength to all of you as we begin a new year, a new decade, and new lives free from tramadol.

love and blessings,

Avatar universal
by 4leefclover, Dec 31, 2009

thank you for the previous encouraging note. it HAS been getting better. this has been skin is shriveled from the time spent in the hotwater bathtub excursions......every hour the first night...and NO SLEEP. the anxiety was tough too. the pain and anxiety came in intense.


nice work looking honestly at the way the feeling of the drug takes over all meaningful experiences of life. I can be quite aware that what is going to mean something to me as i find myself  at some point inevitably 'passing on: in this thing called life are those moments of clear connection and love with others. .
What would I be thinking at that point if I spent the last several year BOUND to a drug?
oh my God I would feel so sad, knowing I missed the WHOLE POINT

it feels good to be at this point
I can tell from reading the posts of you brave souls
that i have a way to go
but I LOVE looking in the mirror into unveiled eyes

I know how i was before starting the drug
and i can see now how i became
at the time
i was unaware of many changes
i felt some guilt
but rationalized it HEAVILY
it was like the analogy of 'cooking a frog"

if a frog is placed into a pot of boiling water he'll jump right out
but if you put him in a pot of room temp water and s l o w l y
turn up the heat he'll allow himself to die.....cause he didn't register the gradual
changes in the heat

that is how TRAM cooked me
I am out of the pot now know what?
that water was pretty da*n hot
and I wasn't nearly as aware of it
until I jumped out and looked back

I will LOOK back plenty
for i feel this experience has much to teach me
but I am NEVER going back  

keep it up all of you
your resolve, courage and strength means the world to me

Avatar universal
by howcouldiknow88, Dec 31, 2009
4leef, I'm glad to hear that you are still doing well, if suffering. I am suffering as well, friend.

December 31st, 10:50 PM right now. My last dose was December 26th.
I'm still feeling some discomfort, but I do feel it getting a little better. And emotions are swelling up dramatically for the past couple of days. I never realized how numb tramadol made me until now. And like 4leef said, this drug puts a veil between you and the world. I never realized that until now, either. I always thought it opened a veil, by giving me energy and making me more social. I guess it was a lie. And sometimes I would just be an *** to the people I love the most. I, too, have friends who I have blown off and just in general I was always putting things off; from washing a dish, excercise, to running errands.

Although I realize all of the bad things tramadol has done to me...cravings hit me for the first time today. Imagining a life without tramadol is quite scary. I feel so naked without it. I feel vulnerable. I've had a lot of bittersweet feelings lately, though. And I quite enjoy that. Some of these emotions I have felt (be happy, sad, scared) have all mad me want to cry and smile at th esame time.

Avatar universal
by fixn2winawar, Dec 31, 2009
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! HOPE EVERYONE WHO IS ENJOYING SOBRIETY, IS AND TO THOSE WHO ARE STILL W/DING, LOOK AT IT THIS WAY YOU DIDNT TAKE A PILL TODAY OR YESTERDAY OR DAYBEFORE,ETC,ETC, YOUR SOBER YOU ARE JUST NOT THROUGH THE WOODS YET. NEVER ACCEPT THAT ONCE A ADDICT ALWAYS A ADDICT, OR ONCE A ALCOHOLIC ALWAYS A ALCOHOLIC. Its like this if addiction is a disease, then say a cancer patient has cancer that goes into remission they nolonger say that person has cancer they say they are in remission. it is backward thinking like that that gives relapses a reason to happen so often. just a opinon, but.... if the cancer goes away entirely they are healed!!! good luck all and will hope to hear story's of triumph when i get to check back on monday.

Avatar universal
by 4leefclover, Jan 01, 2010
it is 425am............. last tram 12/28 2pm
i did sleep for a few hours.... feel a lot of pain tonight..... think my pain receptors are hyperacute from the withdrawal and i do NOT consider this pain my underlying pain. in a few weeks, maybe longer.....i will have a better idea what my pain situation is without tram. tylenol and ibuprophen are my friends. (weak sisters that they are) BUT... I think tram, although very helpful initially for the pain and after taking a big dose.... actually made my pain worse between doses. there was little rhyme or reason to my pain pattern on tramadol. I could not figure it out.
I just kept taking it.

thanks fixin---- for your words of encouragement. i like what you said about addiction and disease. i need to be VERY CAREFUL how I think about almost anything. my powers of rationalization and justification are very strong. I think this b*tch
of a w/d is helpful getting to the truth. keeping it very simple I GOT INTO A H*LL OF A LOT OF TROUBLE WITH TRAMADOL

howcouldI- glad to hear you are fighting the big fight with us. I feel the emotional roller coaster too. my eyes tear up easily.I think tram but a barrier between my heart and my senses. it feels GOOD to feel. life without tram? don't believe for a minute that all the attributes you ascribe to this drug are not within you. you haven't been able to OWN them, because tramadol has OWNED YOU. they are there, and yours. you get to take them out for a spin now and realize that the fears and inadequacies that drive us all make us vulnerable to getting hooked.  
I am trying to overcome my fears insecurities and inadequate feelings with prayer, journaling and help from others who have overcome these difficulties----- we ALL have them (who would have known......I was CERTAIN I was the only one)

ok another bath
then back to bed and my new favorite heating pad (wow...I feel........old)

tramadol doesn't OWN US anymore


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by wantmyselfback, Jan 01, 2010
Hey Warriors!  Happy New Year!  Keep it up!  For those of you who have made it through the woods of w/d and are seeing the light, congrats!  Only a few more bumpy days ahead of you!  I was able to go back and read an hour or two of posts from Emily and others.  I am committed to live this new year Tramadol free (day 23 for me) and sometimes going back and reading my initial posts really helped put things into perspective.  Just know that by getting off Tramadol, you are doing something not only for the well-being of your body, but the well-being of your mind.  You will start to see the difference and clarity after the first week out... and you'll start to realize that a life without tramadol may not be a bad thing.  The fog has been lifted, and I'm living a new life... and I couldn't be happier!

946806 tn?1246069369
by Pat_, Jan 01, 2010
Happy New Year!

Diver, fedup, 4leef,wmsb, fmn, hcik, and all others, great job, hang in there. Stay Strong!

Day six here for me, and I was in noticeably more pain yesterday. Skipped my celebrex, probably go back to that today, and continue until I have more days tram free.

I have also started eating clean. An interesting and eye opening book on what we are putting in our bodies, and the effect on our hormones is Master Your Metabolism, by Jillian Michaels. I hope to not gain any weight from quitting tram.

Some core work today, and Yoga.

Be well.

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Jan 01, 2010
Well warriors, I was up and miserable until 4:30am and came here and read and yes again with the hot tub!  While I am out quite a few days, sleep is still a huge issue for me and the uncomfortable feeling in my chest and arms(RLS), not in my legs and I keep trying to figure out what makes one night different from the rest.  I think I forgot my magnes. again...could this be it or just w/d hanging on and still working out of my system.  I will go back to work again Mon and actually feel like I can do it although still alittle anxious.

I feel very fortunate to have all of the support here and enjoy keeping up w/ everyones process
4leef, and howcouldI, you are in the thick of it now and all of our thoughts are w/you and your recovery.  Day by Day my friends!!

Interesting now that I am off Tram I can't sleep and when I was on sometimes I feel it was all I did in the last year was sleep.  Shame and depression were a huge part of this as well.  

2010....may this be the best year ever for all of us!!!!

1155195 tn?1262756085
by JC4504, Jan 01, 2010
When is the insomnia supposed to start? That is what I am most afraid of but I am creeping up on 72 hours and I have not had this problem...YET.

  I figured that between my fever, pain, withdrawal and being downright miserable I would be able to stay up with my children and watch the ball drop. I promised them I would. Instead I fell asleep before 10 watching TV and then woke up coughing and in horrible pain on the couch at 4am. The thing about my sleep now is that I am restless when I sleep and I dream a lot. I don't feel like it is good sleep but I am sleeping.

Maybe this is because my body is whacked also from being sick, feverish or the nicotine withdrawal? Quitting smoking cold turkey, when I quit before, made me sleep a lot for the first three days. I am not trying to quit smoking right now (I could only wish I was that brave) but I have not been able to smoke since Wed. because my throat and lungs hurt too bad to smoke. I have tried. Several times. I physically cannot make myself do it.

I am really a wreck...and in more ways than one right now.

My stomach is crazy today again. I am trying to get some coffee down, as I write this, because I do not need to be withdrawing from caffeine too and the heat feels awesome on my throat. I don't think my stomach likes anything right now so we will see.

Excited about getting to 72 hours in two hours. I know it is just a number but, even before I knew there would be a withdrawal process, my mind had tricked me into thinking that I needed tramadol daily to deal with the pain. Tramadol is the only medicine I have ever had that I took everywhere with me.  I don't even take my cigarettes with me everywhere or smoke in house, car or around my kids. Tramadol, though, I was anxious without it and did not care where I was or who I was in front of when the pain kicked in and I thought I needed it. I feel like I have proven to myself that I can get by without it and even, be sick and miserable, without it. I do not NEED it.

Thinking about getting out to the produce market today if I can get fever to drop. I think smoothies might be better for my stomach and good on my throat. Eating as much fruits and veggies may also help my body recover faster from all this.

What kind of supplements would be good to take now? Yesterday I grabbed some B12 tablets but wondering now if there is a better way to take it. I am not very well informed on supplements but I remember reading before that some supplements are better ingested in different ways: with food, with water/milk, in capsules versus pills, etc? I could probably kill some time today google-ing this stuff. Any personal advice for me on what to take and the best way to take it? What helps in this situation?

Thanks so much for all of your time. Reading and writing here does help. When I start to feel really miserable I read over old posts and lose myself in others stories. It keeps me focused on looking ahead instead of back.

1155195 tn?1262756085
by JC4504, Jan 01, 2010
Another comment about the sleep thing. I see that Tramadol made a lot of people sleep. It did the opposite to me. I refused to take it after 7 pm because I would not be able to sleep enough or well if I did.

I remember having a horrible migraine one night and, after Maxalt and 1000 mg of Ibuprofen did nothing,  I took one around 10pm and I ended up being up until after 4am. After that... never again. I would rather take my chances trying to sleep with pain than knowing I would be up all night and get no sleep before work.

That was part of the appeal to me though because other then being non narcotic and non addictive (*rolling my eyes here*) they worked great on pain and, instead of making me tired or spaced out, they woke me up.

I find it strange that I seem to have not normal reactions, in regards to sleep, on Tramadol and coming off of it. Of course, as I said in my earlier post, nothing is normal for me right now so I don't know what symptom I am having is from what right now.  

I am very worried about the not sleeping though. I hope when the insomnia does come I can take something for it. I have 8 mg pills of zanaflex. The Dr. gave me 12 of them on Wednesday. Has anyone tried taking something like Zanaflex to combat the not sleeping?

I have not tried it yet but I will if it gets to the point of not sleeping. I hate insomnia more than anything and that is probably the main reason I never upped my tramadol doses since the drug effected me like that to where I could not sleep on it.

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Jan 01, 2010
JC...I think Tram affects people differently and while it did make me rest well it also kept me up!  If I did not take some in the pm I would wake up w/ w/d starting.  You just might be one of the lucky lucky ones who don't go thru sleep issues.  I am not sure if it is based on how much and how long you took it or what either way, enjoy being able to sleep and get some of the w/d behind you.  

There is alot of posts regarding vitamins and the "Thomas Recipe" is often used to help combat w/d symptoms.

Avatar universal
by 4leefclover, Jan 02, 2010
jc- you are lucky being able to sleep while in w/d. maybe your body wasn't used to high blood levels of tramadol while you were in 'sleep cycles' so your sleep can come easier. I hope you get to stay out of the insomnia.

done with day 4 and into 5
depressed and body achey  with that 'full' stomach, chest feeling' but not as tough
kinda crabby.....(yeah I am sure THAT is totally w/d, no?)
some anxiety restlessness and a feeling of hopelessness.......
THEN I had my first craving....I KNEW I'd feel differently if I popped a white tab of garbage

I found a yoga class (haven't been in a week)
I did yoga passionately before the tram and during the tram
(withdrawal? a different story)
My w/d, like fedup started when I began my taper
any day I took a lesser dose I was in w/d
THAT is how I figured out I was in deep sh*t
came to this journal on a search......learned A LOT

so no yoga...... in a week
I thought 'hey I'll just LAY THERE in the heat on my mat if I can't do it"
DID NOT REALLY want to go but the previous discipline helped, I think
turned out to be a very good move.

it is 240a.....i went to bed at midnight and got a couple hours in
but my evening, after yoga class was more comfortable physically
and mostly mentally

I FEEL BAD about this addiction
and consequently feel bad about myself......

the craving passed pretty quickly
but it surprised me
tricky stuff, no?

well back to my bed and (my new best friend)............heating pad
(for your information it is 20 degrees below zero in my city tonight)
I know you are all  jealous about THAT

keep it up, my friends
keep posting and sharing your experience and hope
I count on it everyday
tram doesn't OWN me anymore (but I got a 'curtain call' out of the blue today)

Avatar universal
by bodegirl, Jan 02, 2010
Hey Emily, Fred, Kevin, and everyone else,
I am soooooooooooooooooooooo ashamed to say that I am back on the evil drug and taking even more than I was a year ago. All that Hell I went through to quit was for nothing.  I feel so ashamed. In secret. Terrible.  I can't/won't quit because I cant take it. The withdrawal. The agony of withdrawal is too much for me.  I'm doomed. Sorry to be such a bummer for those who are trying to stay positive.  I'm in a BAD place is all.

I do wish the rest of you the best.  I really do.


1155195 tn?1262756085
by JC4504, Jan 02, 2010

When I think that taking one would make it go away I remind myself that it will just put me back at hour 1 of withdrawal. As much as I know about the drug now and know what it was doing to me I know that I could not be comfortable again on it and I would have to start the withdrawal over again. I am too educated now on them and I could not go back to being comfortable popping them every day and thinking that they are safe. I know that now using them would come with a level of being uncomfortable and dread and anxiety. So, for me, taking one now would not solve much it would just be more misery and make the pain start all over again.

So getting out and getting to Yoga class made you feel better? I think getting out when I feel bad is helping me a lot. Yesterday, after resting and watching movies for half the day, I forced myself to take a hot bath, curl my hair, put on make up, nice clothes and heels and go shopping. Usually I love to shop anytime except when I am sick. Right now I know I need to move though as much as I need to rest. Plus there is the whole 'Retail Therapy' aspect of it. LOL Once I was out I was fine and while it wasn't the BEST day ever it was OK.  

The funny thing is do you know what I bought yesterday? Yoga pants, soft tank tops, fleece pajama bottoms, an electric know where my head was at. Thinking about lounging and being back in bed. I also think getting out and walking around half the day (even if it is half hearted) takes a lot out of me right now because of the withdraw and being sick so that helps emotionally and physically exhaust me while getting dressed and out does perk me up a little mentally. Plus keeping busy makes the day go by a bit faster.

I still have the achiness in my body and my stomach still hates everything and anything. I can not eat or drink anything for several hours before I know I will be leaving my house and Immodium has replaced Tramadols place in my purse for now.

I went to sleep later last night (after midnight) and woke up early this morning. The thing is I feel like waking up today was easier than when I was taking the Tramadol. Mornings, after I started it, were horrible. I felt like I had the flu every morning, did not want to get out of bed or go to work (but I did ) or do anything and then after I took it I felt OK. After a couple of months it wasnt even great... it was just OK.

  Considering that I have been taking a combo of 16 ibuprofen and a couple of excedrin daily with the 3 tramadol I really feeel like the tramadol I was taking was more just taking care of the tramadol withdrawal symptoms for the past few months.  I think I may be able to cut some of my OTC meds down now once I am over this. It doesn't make sense, I know, but I am starting to think that Tramadol may have been causing more pain, or at least as much, as it was relieving?

My head is foggy today. Sorry if I am rambling, not making sense. :)  Going to try to get some coffee down.

Avatar universal
by 4leefclover, Jan 02, 2010

i am going to look into the book mastering your metabolism
that stuff interests me, thanks keep up the good fight

jc- nice work, all the way around, girl

we can do this one hour at a time
i agree    i think i was in w/d 1/2 of the time toward the end there
and didn't realize it for far too long
this drug is scary bad
the above post from Bode is sooo sad
you could go to rehab and get medically weaned with suboxone when you feel ready, i don't see why not
keep posting
we are here to help any way we can

1155195 tn?1262756085
by JC4504, Jan 02, 2010
Thanks Pat for the book recommendation! I have spent the morning reading reviews on it (218 of them on Amazon) and it seems like a great book! I am going to do some grocery shopping today so I need to keep some of the stuff I read in the reviews in mind.

I hate to bring up anything positive about this drug but I have to admit what I AM nervous about.  Weight gain scares me more than more days of withdrawal.Tramadol has been a wonder drug for my weight loss and I am scared I am going to start gaining off of it. Only because I don’t understand how exactly I lost the weight and if my metabolism is messed up now. I could never seem to lose those extra 10 pounds and get below the 130 mark, no matter how hard I worked out, but on Tramadol I have lost just over 15 pounds without even trying or thinking about it.  

Was it worth it? No, but that doesn’t mean I want to gain it back!

I am going to have to start watching what I eat and start working out again. That should be good for me anyway.

946806 tn?1246069369
by Pat_, Jan 02, 2010
JC, I know what you mean about the weight thing, and I am really watching what I eat, and when - not late at night.
I've found that Stonefield yogurt with fresh fruit mixed in is an excellent and filling substitute for ice cream :-)

Midway through day seven, and yesterday was really hard with a bout of lower back pain. I am using Walgreens  brand capsaicin patches (hot!) and my inversion table to deal with it.

Fight on, Warriors. Stay Strong!

(I think the reason I am not having sleep issues is due to rarely taking a pill after 2;pm, they kept me up if I did)

910168 tn?1262466069
by Lillyval, Jan 02, 2010
Hi Everyone,
I've haven't been keeping up and I've missed an entire thread!  Glad to see there's so much activity and healing here.  Just wanted to encourage any newcomers - there is life after tram and it's so, so worth doing whatever it takes to get off of it.  I actually made it through all the holidays without counting pills and being in a complete tram-a-fog.  I may actually remember this Christmas next year!
I've also gone 3 days with zero suboxone and no withdrawals.  I know that doesn't mean I'm out of the woods because sub is long acting and takes time to leave the body.  I'm extremely hopeful though.  I remember the hell of day three of off tram and I feel like I'm on a much easier ride this time.  
Do whatever it takes, to cold turkey, or taper if you can, or go on medication like I finally did - Just do what ever it takes to put days between you and tram.  I have a life now and I'm not ever going to give another day of it to that evil drug.
Wishing you all the best,

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by Prospero73, Jan 02, 2010
I've just had the strange experience of reading over 100 reviews of tramadol on, mostly quite positive.  I take a light dose (25mg/day) for hand arthritis, and so far have no problem with it, but I became interested because my son passed away last year (2009) from a methadone overdose, and the two drugs seem similar in several ways: synthetic opioids available on prescription, with moderately effective pain relief, and demonically addictive.

Does anyone know anything about this site?  I looked up the reviews (well over 100) of methadone and was suspicious because nearly everyone gave it a high rating both for recovery from opiate addiction and pain relief, and the withdrawal problem was scarcely mentioned.  Is it possible that some kind of drug lobby is filtering out the bad news, or am I just being paranoid?

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Jan 02, 2010
Bodeee...I don't even think you would have posted if you didn't have the strength to ask for support and challenge yourself to find a way!  I have to agree w/ a few of the posters that now that I am mostly thru w/d all I have to do is think that taking one more pill would start my w/d all over again.  That being said, I think all of us arrive here and decide either quit or taper or just get support and eventually if you stay connected here you will feel encouraged to make the jump!

DO NOT feel ashamed and if you take more time decided or putting it out of your mind for now, we/or someone will be here to support and encourage you!!  It is interesting the different types of people who come here wanting to get off and then in 2 weeks or so are encouraging others any way they can.  Fred, Doug, forgetme,pink, Jc and too many others to list all have been a huge part of my determination.

Prospero, I am so sorry about your son.  It depends on where you go to find info about tram depending on where you stand on the drug.  All I can say is many of us started on this drug for all the "proper" prescribed reasons, and find out ourselves that you need more and more to accomplish the same effect and for me I started to use it just to not to feel "unwell" this is a feeling that is hard to describe unless you go thru it.  It is like mini w/drawal and makes you run and take your next dose of Tram.....there in lies the rub!!!  More and more so you don't feel w/d.  

Today is a pretty good day for me and thank the lord...I slept last night!!!  I don't feel as anxious today.  One quick note on what JC had touched on was the Tram actually making things worse.  I found that while on higher doses I got really bad headaches and took a TON of otc medications.  I am now weening them all out and hopefully will start to feel a whole lot better!  

Fight on brave warriors!!!!

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Jan 02, 2010
Prospero...You bring up a very valid point.I am sure that there are many people who take tramadol or even opiates and are able to control  their doses and not overdo it.In such cases the drugs work as they were intended and not everyone has a bad experience with tramadol.Not everyone has the same metabolism or enzyme levels or stomach emptying times.You get the point...everyone is wired differently as I say,and reacts differently to medications.I have many customers who take tramadol and cope very well.Most only take it short term after surgery and do not have withdrawal.Also the drug that is ordered most often is Tramacet which when taken as recommended only gives about 300mg tramadol per day.I ask these people how they are coping and they are doing fine on the drug.A few take it long term with no trouble that they admit to me.The problem I have with it is the fact that it is described as non addicting mild opiate with antidepressant properties.Non of this is emphasized and it comes across a a glorified tylenol that makes you feel good.The addicting properties and antidepressant properties should be pointed out to each patient and the possibility of withdrawal if taken long term should be emphasized.It has so many interactions with other meds that it is not really the drug of choice in seniors and is not covered by many drug plans here so is not used as extensively.If I do notice a patient asking for it early I point out the possibility of rebound pain and have them call the doctor rather than increase the dose greatly.I have not seen a great problem with it in our pharmacy,but I don't know if people are telling me the truth.It still is a dangerous drug and should be controlled in some wayI even have to watch my use of tylenol extrastrenth because it can affect my liver and kidneysSome physicians wanted to ban Bactrim in England because of its adverse effects and yet it is a lifesaver to others.I think as long as a drug is not adversely affecting your life or body and you are taking it as prescribed don't worry.Fred said people on this forum did not get here by googling...tramadol is a geat pill...they obviously had problems with it and we are here for them as well as others.Happy New Year and good to hear from you.PS I don't know how to make paragraphs or I would..

Avatar universal
by 4leefclover, Jan 02, 2010
today S*CKS!!!!!!!!!  
my stomach is so painful! waves of cramping pain. also traveling, expanding and contracting body aches.
the yoga class i did yesterday (and i felt went so well) has backfired a bit and i feel overly sore. I feel alot of anxiety, still on the clonipine, and am depressed----  feel massive fatigue!!!! last dose dec 26 2pm. eating fairly ok. everything looks bleak. sad.
hot baths, tylenol, ibuprophen and heating pad. is this going to get better? i am SO WORRIED about getting back to work on mon.............................HELP

Avatar universal
by howcouldiknow88, Jan 02, 2010
4leef, please don't feel bad about this addiction. Many drugs cause dependency and it's never the patient's fault, especially if they were taking the drug as prescribed. Even some blood pressure meds you can't stop suddenly.

I feel your first I didn't have much fatigue, but tomorrow is day 8 for me (last dose dec. 26th) and I'm still not feeling well. It ALMOST makes me want to give up...but I am too proud of myself for going this far. I was so tired and weak today and so emotional. And that annoying, painful sensation is still all over my body. And stomach cramps....GOD they are getting bad.

Hang in there everyone! I'm guessing it will get better soon. I feel it getting better a little, but still feeling so bad is disheartening. I guess I've been on the tram a long time. Since I was 15 and I'm now 21. So it just needs a little more time :(

Avatar universal
by 4leefclover, Jan 03, 2010
thanks how could I PLEASE HANG IN THERE you are doin' GREAT young one!!!!!!!!!!
5am---- considered going to ER with these stomach cramps, cancer?, ulcer? could this, indeed be w/d?
this there any way I will be able to handle work monday ?
(without some extra help?)
my last tram was 12/28 2pm  (not 12/26)  

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by Pat_, Jan 03, 2010
Hang in there 4leef, and if in doubt, definitely consult with a doctor (even though they are the ones who helped get us here).

pharma; here in the US, while the doctors may not stress it, I did receive warnings on withdrawal, use only for five days at a time, may develop tolerance, may be addicting. All this was disclosed in the patient info sheet that comes with the drug (Ultracet 37.5 APAP acetaminophen 375). However, even with the 'use for only five days' warning, my Rx was 30 days at a time, 3 per day, with one refill. hmmm

Okay, week one down, this is day eight. I actually lost two pounds this week. Now, I am not advocating trying to make extreme diet changes when quitting, quitting is of the utmost importance, eat what you want....however, for anyone worried that they will gain weight with quitting Tram, you can take control of this aspect also. Rough week ahead, with back to work and an extremely painful procedure scheduled for Friday. Onward.

Stay strong!

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by wantmyselfback, Jan 03, 2010
Stay strong warriors!  For all of those concerned about weight gain after Tramadol, don't be.  If you've noticed you've put on a few pounds (like myself who gained about 5 pounds since quitting), you have to realize it's the holidays!  Everyone puts on a couple over the winter break.  Stay focused on a diet and just eat healthy, occasionally having a treat to something now and then.

The tramadol simply made you not want to eat (my excuse was while on it I never had TIME to eat).  I lost 26 pounds while on Tramadol.  The day before I went cold turkey, my wife said I looked like I was dying.  I hadn't looked at myself in the mirror that way, but indeed, my eyes were sunken in and there wasn't an ounce of fat on my body.  To be short, I'm GLAD I put back on that weight.  Even the wife has mentioned how healthy and glowing I look.  I worry about gaining weight again, also, but I also realize I've been sitting on my rear end eating my wife's chocolates and countless other goodies which are definitely the culprit.

Once works starts back up tomorrow, get into a routine.  I used to take 3 trams in the morning with 2 cups of coffee and didn't eat until Dinner time, then binge on snacks and cereal until bedtime.  Watch you caloric intake, exercise, and be PROUD you're off a drug that once controlled your life and made you live a lie.

Day 23 I believe out and doing Fantastic.  I'm glad there are new people on here expressing their concerns or tracking their w/d process.  This site helped me tremendously, and I think I wouldn't have been able to go through the w/d without all of you.

In fact, 5 days out of w/d, a shipment of 180 Trams came to the door.  I immediately flushed them.  Had I not found this site, I almost surely would've given in and taken them again.  

Best part is, all of us are going through this with you and can share what worked/didn't work for them.... and the VERY BEST PART is..... IT'S FREE Consultation!

Stay strong everyone, and you'll be a new you in no time!

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by JC4504, Jan 03, 2010

You can do it! Tomorrow will be a week for you! I am a little concerned too about work tomorrow but hoping for the best. As long as I can stay out of the bathroom I am telling myself it will be good for me. Not something I am looking forward too but it will force me to be up and out and, hopefully, get my mind back in the "normal" and the hours will go by faster.

  I am having a lot of stomach cramps too! Since we are so close in days I think it must be normal. Today is worse than the first two days. I think maybe I am eating too many fruits and veggies though. Maybe I need to switch to a bland diet for a couple of days until the stomach issues go away.


That is great news. I am eating healthy right now.  Not only to help with weight but also to get my body on the right track. I am taking vitamins, steaming and eating a lot of fruits, yogurt and veggies. I can't give up my coffee but drinking a lot of water (every now and then dropping a vitamin C packet in it) and green tea with honey. Trying to keep my energy up for the week ahead. Luckily, I guess, junk food and fast food has always made me feel sluggish and tired so that is not a temptation for me yet. Right now I am more worried about getting enery levels up to deal with work and the week ahead.

Avatar universal
by bodegirl, Jan 03, 2010
4leefclover and feddup-
thanks for the response to my post-that gives me a boost and I remember how awesome this place is for people like us struggling with this terrible drug.
I have 2 young kids and a husband I'm hiding this from-I WISH  I could go to rehab, I truly do because i can not imagine going through the withdrawal pains again, I just can not do it.  It terrifies me comepletely.  It was really torture las time around.

I was clean for 5 months and then....I was at the doctors office for an issue with my foot, I could barely walk due to a sports injury and she prescribed 15 Trams to get me through the pain.  I wanted so badly to say NO!  But I was weak and somewhat excited about taking it again.  I wish that never happened.  Now here I am AGAIN taking at least 10 of those evil pills a day!  Just to stay "normal".  Awful. Pathetic and I can't help but feel ashamed and hateful towards myself. I even sometimes want to die.  But I won't do that to my children.  I do struggle to that extent though. It's scary..

My best wishes and prayers and support go out to all of you.  Im here for anyone who needs me even though I'm not a good role model at the moment I do care and want to help if anyone needs it.  This is so hard and I love and admire how amazingly supportive everyone is.

It gives me hope.
thank you

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by Jethro63, Jan 03, 2010
Hi gang!

I am so sick of taking tramadol!! dealing with cronic lower back pain since 2002.  Withdrawls from OXY and hydrocodone in 2004 but have been on tramadol the whole time.  Sometimes up to 3 or 4 a day but with the slow progress Ive made managing my pain, my choroprcter wants me to stay on the tramadol, 1/2 pill, twice a day untill he can get my pain more under control, which he is doing. Before I knew that Tram was addictive I tried several times to stop taking it with well known results.  I have weened myself down to 1/2 pill in the mornings and 1/2 at night and I occationally miss a dose but not often.  I have been on 50 mg a day for 6 months plus and am stable on this but I HATE IT!

I want to throw them in the trash but dont know if I can handle the withdrawls.  It hurts!  But I dont know how hard it will hit me because all the other times I tried to stop I was on a lot higher doses.

does anyone have any opinions on how this should play out?  Am I a wimp for worrying about a 1 pill a day WD? or are my fears valid?  I am also dealing with coming out of a depression caused by my pain and dont know where the Tramadol enters into this.  I just want it to stop.

Avatar universal
by howcouldiknow88, Jan 03, 2010
Jethro, from what I have read (and I've read a lot) tramadol withdrawal can still be severe on a just 1 tablet dependency.
You are not a wimp. Tramadol withdrawal is extraordinary unpleasant. What worries me is you mentioned some depression. It's well known now that tramadol just doesn't "high-five" opioid receptors, but also acts as a weak SNRI...a class of anti-depressant. So your depression may become substantially worse after jumping off of the tramadol.

I am on day 8 cold-turkey of being on tram for 6 years. Up to 4 or 5 tablets a day. It is brutal. You are not a wimp, my friend. The withdrawal is a horrible experience and is inhumane. Stay strong. and keep coming back.

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Jan 03, 2010
Jethro...I myself had been on 1 pill for over 2 months now, 1/2 in the morning and 1/2 in the evening.  i had been weening myself over this last year from about 8-10 trams a day down to 1 and was never able to get under this amount.  I managed w/d by very slowly titrateing down however  could never go to 1/2 a day and then quit.  The w/d was very real and very unpleasant.  I have to let you know that I was on this drug for at least 4 years or so and my w/d symptoms have absolutely sucked and hurt and were and are very uncomfortable.  This being said I am now clean since Dec 20, my last pill was Dec 19th @ 5pm and I took one whole pill.  The reason I am going into such detail is this is what I wanted to know about when I was considering jumping off and the people here made me feel strong and that I could DEF. do it!~!!!!!  I ended up throwing away about 10-15 pills and I still have ultram er in my cabinet(almost keep it there to remind me I think) which I will never take and eventually just flush.  

I still have very bad nights but pretty good days and yes, there is still anxiety and a feeling of jumpy nerves and a very un comfortable feeling across my chest and arms and it keeps me up at night and a bath is all that helps.  I actually bought a heating pad tonight.  Another thing to note is some days have been GREAT!  and some have been CRAP!  I can't believe I am still feeling w/d symptoms and this says sooooooooo much to me about how dangerous this drug truely is and why people are so afraid to jump off the train.

Bode....I am just like you.  I have a 5year old and 10yr old step daughter and my husband and family have NEVER known about my use at all and I was a master at getiing it all done and not getting anyone suspicious, however it just didn't keep working for me and I realized I would never get from the drug what I previously did and it was making me hate myself and not care about anything.  You decide for yourself when it is time to say goodbye as I don't think it can go on forever w/out completely ruining things.  I was afraid of the w/d too and I think everyone here would say....Hell yes it is hard and Hell yes it is very very uncomfortable to go thru.  I had to plan a week period that I could check out of life and just get her done.  This was the 20th of Dec. and the first time I even mentioned it to my husband and while it was really really hard it was also cleansing and I cried and it felt really good as I have not let him be there for me in apx 4 years(the exact time I have been on Tram).   I am not trying to convince you of anything other that there are people just like you here and we know exactly what you are going thru.  By all means when the time comes...look into rehab/detox/working w/ a physician to handle w/d symptoms.  I wish I would have had xanax(sp) or somethng but I have come so far I am just gonna keep on pluggin along.  

Sorry for the long post just had a few things to say and please don't ever feel ashamed/weak.....your just human:)   :)

Strength and courage...Warriors

Avatar universal
by 4leefclover, Jan 03, 2010
Hello All-

last tram 12/28 2pm. 200mg daily habitual use for 5months. physical w/d symptoms when I did not take 200mg, but less-  noticeable first part of Dec. I found this WONDERFUL post site, started by brave and courageous Emily, learned that I had a difficult w/d ahead. decided to do a rapid taper to off (my 3 day taper was fraught with w/d symp....but little did I know the tidal wave of agony that lay ahead......)   i did 150mg on the 26th 100mg on 27th and 100mg on 28 . cold turkey from there.
  the first night after full day no tram i was up all night!!!! sweating, chilling, aching, with stomach discomfort. the anxiety and depression were almost overwhelming. My kids are home from college and I did not want to get into detail about my physical dependence on this drug. I have a history of 10 years sobriety and am concerned they will worry too much (I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT)
I went to the MD at 42 hours out for my severe anxiety (urgent care) they started me on clonidine. it helps some of the symptoms calm down. many baths, heating pad sessions later, each 24 hours has been brutal. called in sick to work for the week. tough, tough going. my partner has done some reading on this post and it has helped him understand. I cannot BELIEVE this drug is not regulated. I have worked with people having heroin w/d and this seems worse. longer, more intermittent and severe. then there is the anti D component. WOW-----you guys have helped me more than any MD and have helped me know I can do this.Today i went to ER for my severe stomach cramping... continuous for over 36 hours. i had some tests, taught the MD what i know from y'all and started prolisec, tagamet, and got more clonidine and will return to MD clinic on tues.
I am continuing to lose weight in w/d. keeping fluids up is going ok. I am going to return to work tomorrow and i pray i can make it through the day.
My thoughts, prayers and gratitude go out to all of you strong, brave warriors in this fight.....with me now in battle shared and those who are further out on this path to freedom
Bode- keep up your posts, Honey. We believe in you and know your fear!
How could- glad to see you putting the days together, my friend!
JC_ hope your work goes well tomorrow, I have similar concerns!
Pat- thanks for the encouragement
Peace, Healing and Blessing to ALL   Stay Strong!!

Avatar universal
by FinallyFred, Jan 04, 2010
Hello Tramadol Warriors!!!

Jethro,  I agree with what the others here have said about you NOT being a wimp over dumping the last 50 mg/day.   But may I ask what it is that you "hate" about staying at 50 mg/day?  In other words, do you hate the cost?  Are you experiencing withdrawal symptoms?  Do you sometimes take more than 50 mgs/day?  Talk to us a little about what it is that you hate...

You did say you were concerned with the withdrawals and yup, you probably would have some.  The drug has it's hooks in you and it won't let go without a fight.  What I can tell you is that over time  this drug actually causes pain, so you probably will actually begin to feel less back pain after stopping tramadol.  

To that point, over the years on tramadol, I felt all sorts of pain in places in my body that I had never even thought about.   Low and behold, most of them dissappeared after withdrawing from this drug.  

4leaf, fedupp & How:  Congratulations on your sobriety.   YAY you guys!!!

Pharma,  I SO totally know that you weren't promoting tramadol use.   But something you said got me thinking...Speaking of customers taking tramadol/ultracet,/ultram, you said, " I ask these people how they are coping and they are doing fine on the drug.  A few take it long term with no trouble that they admit to me."   I think the key there is NO TROUBLE THEY ADMIT...  

I don't know about the others here, but I NEVER admitted to my doctor or pharmacist that I was having TROUBLE with tramadol.   I knew that I felt like HELL when I ran out/low and I knew that it was taking more and more of the drug to make me feel LESS UNWELL over the six years on the drug.   I am not sure I connected the dots early on.   And by the time I did, I was not about to tell anyone responsible for getting me my next fix of tramadol that this damned drug was causing me any difficulties.   It was after all, the drug that kept me alive (I thought).

Prospero,   I will visit the site you mentioned after finishing this post.   I don't think you are being paranoid or critical of the site.   For NOBODY to even mention things like tolerance or horrible withdrawal symptoms with either methadone or tramadol seems very odd indeed.   Color me skeptical.

Bodegirl,   I remembver you.  It was good to hear from you again.   You said, " I am back on the evil drug and taking even more than I was a year ago. All that Hell I went through to quit was for nothing.  I feel so ashamed. In secret. Terrible.  I can't/won't quit because I cant take it. The withdrawal. The agony of withdrawal is too much for me."   Please sweet Bodegirl,  there is NO need to be ashamed around this place.  We all get what power this drug holds.   When I forget that fact, I am ready for a relapse myself.   The pilot light for me is always ON.   Which is in some part, why I keep coming back I don't forget.   But all of us are human.

This was and still is the guilt free zone comprised of compassionate people JUST LIKE YOU who understand what this drug is like, remember?  

I would disagree with you on one point, sweet Bodegirl.   All that HELL wasn't exactly for nothing, even though you have decided to start up again.   Cause see, you learned one very important lesson from kicking it the first time.   RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE.   There is no such thing as permanent sobriety.   But if the pain of this addiction ever becomes too much, you at least know that beating this again is at least possible.  

I surely do wish for all of us that conquering tramadol or any other drug was a ONCE AND DONE thing.   Only unlike some WARS, this foe is never completely gone away.  

There may be lessons to be learned from our friends in AA.   They talk about never EVER completely being cured of the desire to drink again.   In AA they say that the best we can hope for is a daily reprieve from the desire to drink or drug and that DEPENDANT on our spiritual condition.

Mine can use some work from time to time.  

Courage, Strength and Love to you guys...fred

Avatar universal
by fedupp, Jan 04, 2010
Fred you rock and we are all so grateful for your thoughts and encouragement!!  As you can see by the time of my post....not such a good night!!  This is the first night I actually considered taking an Ut. er to get beyone some of the symptoms of insomnia.  I did not however do this and I am proud but extremely tired.  My legs were the worst they have ever been tonight and my arms and chest were kickin to.  It almost pulsates w/ RLS and my brain can not rest.  I got up to look in my medicine cabinet and found Trazodone(prescribed for antidepress/anxiety)it was prescribed for me for migranes and to be taken at bedtime.  I googled it and found that it is often prescribed for insomnia so I am hoping after this next bath I can get a few hours sleep.  I am disheartened that I am still having such a hard time at night and today I thought...What if this doesn't get better and I never am able to sleep right again?!  It is all very scary and I turn to this site for encouragement.  I can't remember how long Emily went thru this but I do remember so other posts...some go thru pretty smooth and some like me have it pretty rough.  

4leef you did a REALLLY quick taper and i think you are feeling the spankin for that and you will feel markedly better especially during the day very soon!!  You should be really proud of yourself and really gentle w/ yourself right now.  I think when you go thru something this tough you give yourself every break you can and pick on yourself when you are aback about 90 to 100!:)  

Hopefully goodnight and to a much better tomorrow!

Avatar universal
by 4leefclover, Jan 04, 2010
lily and fred

Thanks for staying with the thread and encouraging us all. Off to work this am. Jethro when you are ready, we will help. likely you will have some w/d maybe it will be dose dependent and milder. i wasn't on tram that long and every cell in my body is having a tantrum as it leaves the system  I pray the day goes well, feel fragile but I am very fortified by all
STAY STRONG      Love and Healing to All    

Avatar universal
by pharma9, Jan 04, 2010
Fred..You are right.I do not encourage the use of this fact when I counsel a patient I try to discourage the use.But I did notice in our pharmacy that most of the people who take tramadol do not seem to increase their use and take as directed.Again ,they could be buying it on the internet as well and I don't know about it.I have had many patients use it after surgery for a short time and then stop.I do have a couple of patients that I advised of difficulty of stopping after chronic use,but they tell me that they do not get rebound pain.Who knows ....I definitely do discourage the use of this pain reliever to all patients who are prescribed it because I warm them that it causes more pain than it relieves and that it is a sneaky little pill that can grab you and never let go.I tell them that for  the amount of pain relief it gives they might as well take extrastrength tylenol and not worry about addiction or withdrawal.If it is not covered on their drug plans most will not take it and get an alternative.Noone likes to pay for prescriptions here.In fact only a few private drug plans cover it and only those people get it.Others get Tylenol #3 short term and do fine.I was just agreeing that there are some people who cope with the drug and do not consider it a problem...but I personally feel that this drug should be controlled and people aware how dangerous it is.I tell everyone that it is my least favorite drug and proceed with my speech.

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by wantmyselfback, Jan 04, 2010
Hey Gang!

For the newbies.... welcome.  You ever hear the saying "to each his own?"  Well, of the thousands of posts on here, you need to figure out what works best for you during w/d and also the weeks and month following withdrawal and coping with P.A.W.S.  

Read back the thousands of posts on here.  I like to start with Emily's initial posts and work from there.  It's good reading during your heavy w/d period.  

Hundreds swear by different things, yet there is one ultimate goal:  to make it through the first few days of W/D.  For me, it was xanax during the first few days (but I would STRONGLY not reccommend taking it for more than a few days, as someone mentioned above you need to be wary of picking up another addiction to cope with the loss of tramadol.)  A safer alternative which caught my attention is Trazadone.  Trazadone is a mild anti-depressant which has tremendous sleep properties.  You might want to have that handy at night time if you can talk to your doctor about it (ask him for it for sleep).

The biggest obstacle is getting through those first couple of days.  The thrashing in bed, the agony, the pain and spasms.... let it all out.  

Another thing that got me through the first few days was that 5-hour energy shot.  I think along with a multi-vitamin, b-12, and that I was able to regain some strength.  Oh, and LOTS and LOTS of Gatorade.

As I said before, to each his own.  Some experience horrible w/d that lasts for 4 days, some only 2 days.   Keep in mind, W/D from tramadol does not happen overnight.  It will take at least a full week before you start getting "yourself" back.  

An underlying situation also might be your psychological state.  Depression seems to affect almost everyone while going through w/d.  I was prescribed 10 MG of Lexapro for anxiety for a month, which I finally am off now that it's been about day 24 for me.  Although it takes about 2 weeks for the Lexapro to start working fully, I found it to be quite helpful by day 7 of w/d.  The most important thing you can do is make sure you feel better and do things you enjoy to lighten your mood.  

You can and Will do this, and we're here to help!  Those who have succeeded, and those who are going through it with you.... will all stand together and support you.  Just be strong.

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by EmilyPost, Jan 04, 2010
This thread is closed.

Please come to Part 25

Avatar universal
by zorrro13, Jun 12, 2011
Truly amazing. Have been on tramadol for pain at 150gm for 2 years now works well to. Astonished to read that people chug them down like tic tacs then rubbish the brand.
Oh well looks like no chance of suicide via tramadol probably more danger coming down than up. 20. 30. 40 tabs???


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