Is there even anything in between? I've been watching myself scale a building, just casually climbing. I know this, I can feel it. I can't really explain it and I've been so anxious. I just go blank.
I smile a lot, and laugh, but honestly now things have just been going my way a lot. It's luck. But why does luck strike now, and not other times within the year? Maybe because I don't think things through right now, I just do. It's not impulse, it's just reaction. I know what I want, subconciously. I know what I need to know. I'm not actively thinking it, I just know.
Just off the top of my head, maybe it's because I'm not sleeping at a large enough incline. I wake up and I'm trying to brush my teeth and I just keep gagging. If there was anything in my stomach I would puke it everywhere. I don't know. Not so concerned. Just a little odd.
My stomach reallys hurts right now. It has for days. There has to be something I'm not picking up on, some source of lactose I've been sucking down on. Or maybe stress adds to the discomfort?
School felt like a million hours. I plucked parsley, it takes forever. I didn't mind though. I was herb girl, in my head. I'm a wierdo I guess. I wrote a little. Twisted though. I almost wet myself asking the VP how to get a parking pass. But I managed. I could be driving to school by Friday. My mother texted me and said "Do you need a ride?" So I said "Yes." Apparently she thought she said "Do you have a ride?". I called her because I was feeling paranoid. I waited 20 minutes in the hallway because she was several towns over, shopping. No biggie, I just don't like being left behind. Even by accident.
So I went to YAP. It was a little frusterating. We wrapped presents, I like to do that of course. I wrapped things with Shei. I'm not a good wrapper though. The poor kids recieving my wrapped presents. Sam was laughing at things that weren't funny, the new girl, well, I just don't know. Liam keeps texting me again and being stubborn, Ross is LEAVING. Oh and Emily is back from Florida. I will neglect to share more personal opinions on everything at this time and allow myself a moment of joy to say I held her hand. I'm so awesome. It's not that I set GOALS for myself, nothings etched in stone. I am trying to think things through though, and say, what's logical for the day? We all brought the presents down to a place. I have no clue where it was. Not far.
Shei's dog was put to sleep tonight. He didn't like me, but it wasn't personal, and I am sad for her and Thor. I meant it when I said dogs' were heartbreakers. It really ***** to lose them though. I just wanna grab my dog and hold her forever. And never lose her.
It occurs to me I'm not a perfume person. Yeah, smells upset my nose, just like everyone, but I like the way people smell. I like when you go to their house and it smells like them. It makes me less nervous. The pillows and blankets and air. It's just people and it's the way THEY smell and it's always familiar. I know I'm not alone in thinking that.
I didn't make fig cookies tonight. No lie, I'm feeling particularly ridiculously apathetic tonight. I just don't want to DO anything. GO anywhere. I don't even want to go upstairs to the shower. And I need to shower. Like now. I'll make my way up there. I hate going to bed because I dropped my earrings down the sink and they still haven;t been recovered. They're probably gone, because my dad can't find them. But I'm still afraid to use my sink, you know? Maybe they're just a bit out of the way.