Apr 16, 2015
Thats the scary thing... that even those who appear confident and smiling, sometimes aren't. The self-doubt could be eating away at them, and you wouldn't even know, because its just an act. I do admire those people... to think that they are strong enough to give things a go despite the voice in there head telling them they arent capable. So if I have to fake it till I make it, then okay... But you know it takes alot of courage to put a smile on your face when your mind is consumed with doubt. But if thats what I have to do, then thats what I am going to do. I will fake it, and im not sure whether I will make it yet, but hopefully that'll come in due time.
It is going to be okay.I am going to be fine. People are going to see how much I have changed and I hope they are going to be proud of me. I am going to be better, smarter... I just have to give it everything I've got. I refuse to sink. I can't keep going like this. I will NOT feel sorry for myself and dig myself into an even deeper hole. I have to do well in school, I have to improve. For me, and for my teachers who probably think I dont give a crap about my education at the moment. I will prove them wrong.
Motivation isn't something that is going to make its way to me. I have to make my way to it. I am sick of being this stupid and lazy person who I promised myself I would never become. I am going to change. I have this image of the type of year 11 or 12 student I have always wanted to be in my head, its been there for years, and I have never been able to live up to it. Thats going to change. I want to feel like I belong in year 11. I want to be able to sit in a class and not feel stupid and compare myself to others.
This term is going to be better than last term. I will smile through the negativity, as if confidence is something that comes naturally. Its going to be tough. I will try hard and overcome the thoughts in my head telling me I cant do something. The doubt consumes me and is often strong... but I am stronger.