May 01, 2015
So I know I've talked about having PPD since Xavier's birth a few times on here. I think one of the biggest contributing factors to that has been my job. I started where I am currently about two years ago when my previous company sold the area I was in to another company out of state. It was a very scary time for me and I think I panicked and rushed the process of finding a new job. So I took the job I'm at now that carried what I thought would be just a 45 minute commute. I started off by taking the bus from just down the street from my house because we had a sitter coming to the house to watch the kids. Once my oldest started first grade, our daycare situation didn't make sense anymore so we switched to a home daycare for Alicia while Jared went to my parents before and after school. With the new daycare for Alicia, I had to drop her off in the next town over and then take the bus from there. Between driving, drop off, traffic and walking to the office from the bus drop off - my commute went to over an hour, sometimes an hour and a half!
Shortly after the new commuting arrangement, I found out I was pregnant with Xavier. I just didn't feel comfortable looking for a new job in that 'condition', so I waited it out. I really feel that the extra stress from the commute, a job a don't feel connected to, having an unplanned pregnancy and then a complicated delivery are really at the crux of my PPD.
Well, I'm absolutely over the moon in love with my little man and truly can't imagine our family without him - so I think I've gotten over the unplanned part. As far as the complicated delivery, I'm sure there is part of me that is always going to have an 'issue' with having had a C-section, but I also understand that the chances of having been able to SAFELY deliver an 11 lb baby would have been low. So, I'm in a good place with that one too.
That leaves my job. I started looking while still on maternity leave. I got to the interview process with two other places but they just weren't a good fit. I'm SO glad that neither of them worked out, because THIS job is beyond perfect for me! It's the closest out of the three - only 5 minutes from my daycare - and it's in an industry that I'm familiar with and passionate about. I'm FINALLY going to be happy with my work!! (I know that no job is perfect, but I have felt zero attachment to my current job since day-one).
I'm really hoping this is the final step I need to finally come off of my PPD meds. I just don't want to feel like this anymore!