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Hi it's not my birthdaY

Jan 14, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

birthday

,

unbirthday

,

heavy heart

,

lactose intolerant

,

culinary

,

sleep

,

tummy ache

,

Headache

,

amanda B

,

PARTY

,

steve

,

jordan

,

devra

,

Walmart

,

socks and knives

,

pjs and boxers

,

mom

,

dad

,

Chest Pain

,

Anxiety

,

trazadone

,

Ambien

,

sleeping meds

,

relying on

,

Steve-o Out On Bail

,

halo 3

,

call of duty



But the date is too close to stop saying that it is. I was at school and I had a heavy heart today. Well I went to culinary like every day but I was quite dizzy, not to mention the lactaid a'brewin in my belly. My god did it hurt. I literally ran to the bathroom. I was sleeping because I was afraid I would just topple over. I slept through everything today. I was just so tired. I am still tired. My head is aching. Amanda said something about a party today or something to steve and jordan and it isn't like I wanted to go or anything (obviously) but I was supposed to hang out with steve today and he was excited for it but then he made it sound like he was going to her party. And well, I remember the last party she had that he went to. But that was different. It was mostly that he didn't want to go snowboarding today and so I was like ok. And then to have him cancel on me? Especially since I had to go see Devra. I felt guilty, and like he would want to find something else to do. But he didn't. He came to my house, and never said anything about her whatever it was. I had to leave him here, and ended up running into Walmart after for socks and knives. Hurray. I also got pjs and boxers. Another hurray! I'm lucky and I know it. That my mother takes me shopping, and that he stayed put while I was gone too long.

Devra is changing my meds. I've been holding on for three weeks. Finally deciding that I would talk. I thought it through all day. And I talked. Damn did I talk. My chest hurt a lot, and made that clear. I'm starting Trazadone. I'll give it a go. I'm getting off the Ambien. Maybe. I'm nervous. Terrified. But not of starting meds, just of losing my Ambien. Of not having soemthing to rely on. But I really think I need to do something about my anxiety. I think that's why my chest hurts, since there is nothing medically wrong with me. It must be in my head. Either way it is very real. I'm still having trouble breathing. And so I don't know. But I get my mind set on something...that I would talk it out and my anxiety would be the thing fixed. And it would be great. I would survive. But three god ugly weeks? What if this stupid medicine doesn't even make me tired? What if it hurts me somehow? Ugh. Ok. but she said if something goes wrong I'll call her and I can do an anxiety medicine. I don't care what. I just need to stop this. But if I have that to rely on, I can  try this. I promise I will try this.

We watched Steve-O: Out On Bail. It was yucky, but I thought it was funny. So there. Played Halo 3 but it mostly just frustrates me because the buttons are opposite of COD. I'm sorry I'm so boring. To everyone.

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