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The one thing I want

Jun 02, 2015 - 20 comments

The only thing that I can think of that is keeping me going now, is next year. Next year, as i will be in year 12, there will be a whole school assembly to congratulate us for making it this far. We will receive badges and will be called out one by one to collect them in front of the school. This is what i look forward to most, although it will be nerveracking... but not only do i want the teachers seeing me and being proud of me, but i want to walk out there and feel like i belong in year 12. Like i worked my *** off to be there and i am proud of it. If i walk out there knowing that I am in the same place that i am right now, i would not be smiling at all. I would regret everything and would feel terrible. And i want to do everything in my power to avoid feeling that way. I want to feel like im meant to be there, I want everyone to see how far I have come. I want to see myself how far i have come. So thats what im looking forward to, that could be the highlight of my school years if i let it be... but i have to work hard. Ill remind myself of this every day if its the only way to get me going.

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3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 04, 2015
Fabulous Marcy. . You have found your motivation that you've been searching for , for so long now.

I found a poem and I thought of you. I often read Native American poetry quotes and wisdom. This one's for you.:)



GREAT SPIRIT PRAYER


"Oh, Great Spirit, whose voice I hear in the wind,

Whose breath gives life to all the world.

Hear me; I need your strength and wisdom.

Let me walk in beauty, and make my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset.

Make my hands respect the things you have made and my ears sharp to hear your voice

Make me wise so that I may understand the things you have taught my people.

Help me to remain calm and strong in the face of all that comes towards me.

Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.

Help me seek pure thoughts and act with the intention of helping others.

Help me find compassion without empathy overwhelming me.

I seek strength, not to be greater than my brother, but to fight my greatest enemy

Myself.

Make me always ready to come to you with clean hands and straight eyes.

So when life fades, as the fading sunset, my spirit may come to you without shame.

http://www.angelfire.com/md/elanmichaels/greatspiritprayer.html



3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 04, 2015
Let me walk in beauty, and make my eyes EVER behold the red and purple sunset.

(meaning always)

The simple visualization of a sunset, something short like this , a lone liner, wouldn't overtax your brain
(like reading whole poems would)

It will remind you of a beautiful red and purple sunset that you've seen.
That vision is in your memory and you can recall that to help your nerves, as a kind of meditation to lower your blood pressure and give you some composure....





3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 04, 2015
By the way, what did you do today? did you have another exam?

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 04, 2015
I've found another wonderful site with 14 poems in it ..this is one  for you Marcy. Boy does this not sound like what you're feeling today?  You are a SPIRITUAL WARRIOR MARCY........


SPIRITUAL WARRIOR


Life offers us the opportunity to become a Spiritual Warrior.
A warrior is one who bravely goes into those dark areas within
themselves to ferret out the Truth of their being.
It takes great courage, stamina and endurance to
become a Spiritual Warrior.


The path is narrow, the terrain rough and rocky.
You will walk alone: through the dark caves,
up those steep climbs and through the dense thick forest.
You will meet your dark side. The faces of fear, deceit, and
sadness all await your arrival


No one can take this journey but you.
There comes a time, in each of our lives,
when we are given the choice to follow this path.
Should we decide to embark on this journey,
we can never turn back.... Our lives are changed forever
On this journey, there are many different places we can
choose to slip into and hide. But the path goes on.
The Spiritual Warrior stays the course, wounded at times,exhausted and out of energy. Many times, the Warrior will
struggle back to their feet to take only a few steps before
falling again.


Rested, they forge on,
continuing the treacherous path.
The journey continues. The Spiritual Warrior
stays the course. Weakened, but never broken.
One day, the battle, loneliness and desperate fights are over.
The sun breaks through the clouds; the birds begin to sing
their sweet melodies. There is a change in the energy.
A deep change within the self.


The warrior has fought the courageous fight.
The battle of the dark night of the soul is won.
New energy now fills the Warrior.
A new path is now laid before them.
A gentler path filled with the inner-knowing
of one who has personal empowerment.

With their personal battle won, they are filled with joy.
A new awareness that they are one with the Spirit beams
as they go forth to show others the way.
They are not permitted to walk the path for others.
They can only love, guide and be a living example
of the Truth of their being.



- See more at: http://www.blackhawkproductions.com/poetrynative.htm#sthash.Z2fcdRJk.dpuf




3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 04, 2015
Here's some wisdom from a few tribes...

Wisdom comes only when you stop looking for it and start living the life the Creator intended for you. Hopi -

If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies in yourself. Minquass -

He who would do great things should not attempt them all alone. - Seneca proverb

A very great vision is needed and the man who has it must follow it as the eagle seeks the deepest blue of the sky.

- Crazy Horse, Oglala Lakota Sioux (circa 1840-1877)



3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 04, 2015
Just remember honey, you don't have to be an A grade student to earn a spot in grade 12. Don't impose a restriction or not give yourself glory, if you are an average student. There is NO SHAME in being average. Okay? Please believe me. Shoot for more, always, but don't degrade yourself if you are passing with an average mark. An average mark means GOOD FOR YOU. It would be nice if you could shoot for more. If you could average out a bit higher. That would be wonderful.. But average grade students deserve to go to grade 12 and beyond to college or university.If you decide you need a higher mark to get into a University, you can redo one or two courses to become eligible. No worries. Okay. Just keep on caring. Never stop caring. That's what makes the difference in your life. C A R I N G (such a beautiful word, such a beautiful place for you to be.)

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 04, 2015
Just remember honey, you don't have to be an A grade student to earn a spot in grade 12. Don't impose a restriction or not give yourself glory, if you are an average student. There is NO SHAME in being average. Okay? Please believe me. Shoot for more, always, but don't degrade yourself if you are passing with an average mark. An average mark means GOOD FOR YOU. It would be nice if you could shoot for more. If you could average out a bit higher. That would be wonderful.. But average grade students deserve to go to grade 12 and beyond to college or university.If you decide you need a higher mark to get into a University, you can redo one or two courses to become eligible. No worries. Okay. Just keep on caring. Never stop caring. That's what makes the difference in your life. C A R I N G (such a beautiful word, such a beautiful place for you to be.)

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 04, 2015
Just remember honey, you don't have to be an A grade student to earn a spot in grade 12. Don't impose a restriction or not give yourself glory, if you are an average student. There is NO SHAME in being average. Okay? Please believe me. Shoot for more, always, but don't degrade yourself if you are passing with an average mark. An average mark means GOOD FOR YOU. It would be nice if you could shoot for more. If you could average out a bit higher. That would be wonderful.. But average grade students deserve to go to grade 12 and beyond to college or university.If you decide you need a higher mark to get into a University, you can redo one or two courses to become eligible. No worries. Okay. Just keep on caring. Never stop caring. That's what makes the difference in your life. C A R I N G (such a beautiful word, such a beautiful place for you to be.)

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jun 05, 2015
Wow those poems are amazing!! Thank you for sending them to me. I love them, especially the sunset one. Oh i wish one day i could go to the beach and watch the sunset, and read this poem out loud to myself. Boy that would be such a beautiful experience, such a beautiful thing to do. I love it! I love them both so much! Thanks!!

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jun 05, 2015
I have my last exam next Tuesday. I think the only good thing about exams is that we are allowed to stay at home and come to school just to sit the exam. Its pretty cool getting to go home early or come late to school. But they do expect us to study at home, and i have been doing that. Thank goodness i studied last night for history, or else i would not have written anything on the paper for today's exam.

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 08, 2015
I know those poems were meant for you marcy.

Unfortunately what happened was my status got removed, and i've been trying to find the same poem. It's been so long I don't remember my old status word for word or I would have found it by now...

d you remember what my status said, or are there any words you can fill in? even a few more words would probably help me to find the whole poem....



it went, Great spirits gather around the circle fire............outside there is only darkness....

i'm so

sad that i've lost it... it will take time, but i'll find it again, never to lose it again that's for sure.



no worries, i'm so glad you loved the poems. xo

DO good on Tuesday,you're in my prayers..

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 08, 2015
There are good things about exams, they will heighten your feelings of being in control when you are prepared and are able to know that you've done your very best. It's the way that the most serious students are given good better and best marks for their work. Someday you will be in the position to look forward to getting your best mark. It just hasn't happened yet, But it will. It will Marcy.

But i'm glad you get to sleep in or go home early on exam days. That's good too!!!!

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 08, 2015
If it hasn't happened, it just hasn't happened yet.... (looking forward to getting your best marks through an examination).
love you Liz

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jun 09, 2015
Yeah i know i will get there eventually :) Oh no thats not good. Im sorry but i dont remember any other words, but if it comes to me ill be sure to let you know.
Can i just ask, was it something you came up with? Or was it a quote?

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 09, 2015
It was a quote so i wanted to be exact, but then i figured that it was pretty simple, so i just winged it, the message is the same if the wording is a bit different,
funny though i couldn't find it anywhere, when i typed in the words i did know, strange why not huh?

how was your exam Tuesday, is that it for you, or is there another exam after Tuesday?

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 11, 2015
How are you doing Young Lady? How are you Feeling  today? Remember that your highs and lows will even out. You will get really psyched and happy, and then you'll lower your mood, and you'll be depressed that you  aren't always psyched about your life. It will feel like hard work, and if you're not careful you'll forget that you're working on averages (of mood,and of marks.).

Smile honey. you're evening out, you'll be okay. you're a smart kid. turning in to a smart young lady. and by gosh girl

YOU WILL DESERVE TO GET UP THERE WITH THE OTHER GRADE 12 STUDENTS,..
.
GIFT really that you're LEARNING to TRULY APPRECIATE your DAILY SUCCESS

SO THAT YOU CAN FULLY APPRECIATE YOUR FUTURE SUCCESS ?

YOU ARE A BLESSED GIRL MISHY MOSHY MARCY

I'm proud to be your friend.

xox Liz



3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 11, 2015
I meant to say ,,, it's truly a GIFT.. really that you're learning to TRULY appreciate your DAILY SUCCESS....

some people never do TRULY appreciate anything that comes too easy to them......

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 11, 2015
Thinking of you and sending you a big hug ....

and love from one of your medhelp buddies...........

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jun 12, 2015
Awww i have a huge smile on my face. I am actually doing really well. Extremely well. It might change in around 3 days seeing i have 2 weeks of school left... but then we have holidays! I know i am going to be okay. And things wont be perfect at school, no matter how much work i try to do over the holidays, i am not going to be where i want to be...but ill be a few steps closer. Its not going to happen overnight. And i need to look after myself at the same time, and thats something i love doing nowadays with the gym, healthy eating, enough sleep. All those things are what have changed me. I feel like i want to go back to school, because im getting quite bored sitting here at home. I mean dont get me wrong, I LOVE spending extra time in the gym, but figuring out what to do with the rest of my day is calm but frustrating. I feel like i am just wasting time. I want to actually get down and work and improve in school, and that wont happen if i am sitting at home. So tomorrow, when i come back from the gym, i need to focus and sort out papers and all that for school. Because it is literally lying on my floor at the moment being an absolute nuisance to me. And not to mention it looks horrible. BUT the good thing is that over the holidays i think i will be getting a desk for my room. So i will be able to do my homework on there instead of on top of my bed (which isnt too good for my back).
Oh and another thing, i am reading every night. 15-30min of it. And thats a huge improvement seeing i havent read in goodness knows how long. Its relaxing to be in bed at night, at a good time, and then read for 30min and go straight to sleep after. I could get used to it. :)
So yeah things are good. I am happy.

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 12, 2015
Great Marcy., I'm so happy for you. I'm really glad that you see that your diet and exercise and sleep schedule is what needed to be reworked. And it has. Congratulations honey. You done good !!!!!
You're mom is going to be so proud of you moving forward, She can't help but be. Any mother would be proud of you for all the work you're putting in to your own happiness. You have so many incredible things ahead of you. One day at a time, you'll get there.

Have a great weekend.

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