Texas-g- Thanks for the question about the l-o-n-g residual anxiety and depression. I c/t Tram one day after you did. the first 5 days were brutal and the next 4 days were tough but I was able to work. there have been some very bright moments, but dark ones as well. the anxiety is difficult and unsettling. I get comfort knowing /believing it will pass eventually. currently I am using both clonidine and vistaril for it. neither drug causes physical addiction (although I sometimes think I could get psychologically addicted to anything) I notice that many emotional challenges I was trying to avoid while on the tram have accentuated lately. these issues aren't being 'dampened down' by the drug....they want OUT...and with my limited skill set and my vulnerable condition in the PAWS ...they are coming out with some force...this is difficult because I feel guilty about my expression of these issues most particularly in my partnered relationship. so- to phrase simply- I can be a bit of a witch, lately. I would like this to CALM DOWN. I meditated this morning and am off to work. Dear God- please help me to heal.
12 stepper- thanks for the post about paws...6 months, eh? yeah....I am beginning to see that....good to know
I have had urges lately when the anxiety 'kicks in' --I try to follow the urge to the only logical conclusion- which is another 5 days of h*ll somewhere out in the future.........with much more damage to clean up than I have on my plate now
STAY STRONG....my friends
I know I've mentioned the whole Lexapro as a supplement for w/d, but I wanted to let everyone know that Lexapro (I believe there is a cheaper version- perhaps older) not only works as an AD, but also for Anxiety. I had some pretty bad anxiety attacks during w/d and still didn't feel like "myself" for a couple of weeks after w/d. I do believe the Lexapro has it's advantages. I haven't had an anxiety attack for over a month, and I was able to do a big presentation at work last week without freaking out. Normally in that situation, I would've had about 5 tramadol in my system to make it through the presentation, but was able to do it clean and sober... which was something I would've never thought I'd see the day.
For years, I convinced myself that Tramadol was this magical white pill that gave me the confidence, power, and ability to outperform the rest of my co-workers and land the dream job of my life. I constantly took tramadol while giving presentations to boost my confidence. I felt invincible. Little did I know that the true "me" was doing these presentations, not the tramadol. If you would've told me that while I was on tramadol, I would've greatly disagreed and would have argued that tramadol was the reason.
Being 45 days clean, I've realized that I'm sooooo much better off than being on the tramadol.
The withdrawal cold turkey was totally worth it. Although it was a week of hell, I'm so glad I made the jump. I couldn't be happier, life is good, and I'm sure you'll all agree with me once you get off of it. As for pain management, it's surprising that over-the-counter drugs have worked wonders for my pain managment. Taking either two Bayer Back and Body or 600 mg Ibuprofren stops the pain in its tracks. It's crazy, because while on the Tramadol, the dull-achy pain was still there even on the drugs. I would sometimes have to supplement with an ibuprofren. Now I'm convinced that Tramadol is the devil.
Stay strong, hang in there, and it gets better day by day.
There has been alot of mention of lexapro. My Dr. has prescribed many different A/d to help w/ my migranes. while none have worked at all regarding this. I am considering going on one to help w/ the very real daily anxiety and sleeplessness I still have. i don't feel myself yet. My last day was Dec 20th and I still have all of the associated w/d problems, they just come and go. I am so disappointed that RLS is still an issue. Not every night but when it strikes it is beyond uncomfortable. Back to Lexapro, I would like to have something for anxiety/sleeplessness but do NOT want any weight gain as this would counter any positives the AD could bring. What have you all experienced w/ this? I just read that it can take 6months to feel "yourself" I am def. beginning to believe this. I was prescribed a sleep aid and this does help for about 3/4hours. I was the person who needed 8/9 hours to feel right. I feel "not right" most of the time and am getting very sick of it!!! Any thoughts....No need for supplement advice...been there done that. Thanks all and good luck!!
Fedupp~I am right there with you. It seems to be taking forever. My 6 month mark will be March 29th, and I am hoping to be a-okay by then. The depression is what gets to me, but Went cold turkey from 25 a day. I did taper down a little before quitting. I just cannot believe how many of us are out there. New people posting~the beginning is horrible, but if you can make it through the first 10 days, you should be in the home stretch. You can do it. Just keep praying and posting. This support helped me more than anything......and continues to help me. The healing process is long and arduous, but remember, it is so worth it. I feel good today, i have the house to myself and that may be why....lol. Time to declutter. I love you all. keep fighting warriors.
I was put this pill for endometriosis and since i ha ve no ins. will be on it for awhile. i feel great when i take my pills and i will admit i do take more than the amount dr. told me to take.
anyway, a friend gave me this site to understand how this drug works. she is also trying to wean off it. what i do not understand if it works so great what the problem is
Tramadol does work well...at first. Then, it turns on you. You will notice that you need more and more to get the same effects. It will keep you in a tramafog and things will seem great until the addiction starts. Its a dark, evil drug. It is beyond horrible to get off of. If you read Emily's journal, you will get a very descript, honest, forthright view of her journey on and off of this very scary drug. There are hundreds of us who will tell you our stories and you will get a good understanding of what tragic effects this drug has on so many of us.
Wishing you the best. We are here to help and support.
Hey everyone! I'm still around and have 8 days today! Feeling a lot better but still have some moments. I am waking up very early, and that's annoying, but otherwise I feel ok.
4leef....I tried the melatonin. Seems to be working or I'm sleeping better on my own....hard to tell. I have been taking it for about 4 days I guess. I also started a multi-vitamin a few days ago. Can't really tell that my energy is better. I guess it just takes a while.
Tramahat- congrats on 8 days! I can't really tell how much the melatonin is helping, I guess I think it does in a subtle way. For me the energy return was very non linear...I'd have a couple pretty good days and then a difficult one. I think days 5-10 were fairly low energy. Back in the first week I could only go to yoga 1x weekly. (I used to do it 5xweek) now at day 27 I am up to 3x week. I am still having problems with sleep.
Booba, Fedup and Bode ---Great to hear from you'all !!
I agree the anxiety and depression in the paws are daunting...I enjoy reading your strategies...ways of looking at it and combating it.I read about paws online and found it helpful as an overall outlook on this journey out of hell and toward healing
Want- thanks about the lexapro. I think it works well for anxiety too. I can't use AD drugs, however...I guess except when I don't KNOW I am using them (like Tramamonster) so I think I am struggling with the paws biochemically in my 'special' way
wow, spent two days on and off reading posts. I weaned of of Tram over my Christmas vacation. I had been on it for chronic back pain and low energy for about 4 years starting at 50mg, 2 in am and 2 in pm. I found if I ran out and had to miss a dose that I was in w/d. I asked doctor and he didn't think it was w/ds. I began having dark depression, put on 120 Cymbalta, I decided 6months later to lower it to 60. About a year ago decided to lower tram to 100mg daily. I just didn't think I was getting any benefit from it and didnt want to be on it anymore but I was afraid of ct. I started cutting pills, taking a whole in am and 1/2 in pm. During holiday break (Im a teacher) I was running low and finally figured it was time. I cut what I had left and the w/ds were minimal, however I still have no energy and chronic pain. I wake up and feel like I need to go back to sleep for 8 hours. I hurt all over, I do have RA, osteo arthritis, sojrens syndrome and previous L6-S1 disk replacement. I finally asked the pharmacist about it and she was very honest and said that the increased pain and fatigue after years of being on it was normal. That it was addictive and that I wasn't crazy.
I am seeing a new rhuematologist and he has perscribed nuvagil for the fatigue and a muscle relaxer for night. I do not take the muscle relaxer every night due to the fact that I am often up late and need to be up early. The nuvagil helps (I think) but the occasional hydrocodone that I've been taking works better. I feel like I have gotten off one just to get on another. I am conscious about only taking 2 to 3 pills a day if I really need it. I need to function and I hurt so bad and have no energy. I thought I would feel better by now. My vit. D levels are low so new doc put me on 50,000 iu once a week.I have been doing research on my symptoms and that is how I got to this site. I never took more tram but I knew it wasn't really helping. How long does it take to get the body aches to go away or am I destined to be on something for pain? I am overweight and since going off of tram I gained another 5lbs and the flatulence is a problem. Still restless some nights. Anyway will check back in a few.
4leef...I forgot to ask about the vistaril? Is it working or doing the same as benadryl? Just wondering if ALL antihistamines are the same. I have the same energy problem. I had a couple of great days, and then today I could barely go! CRAZY how it comes and goes! I know that those things do get better over time, because they did for me last year when I stopped.
River...In my experience, and I certainly do not have the chronic pain issues that you have, it takes a bit. I was off for several months last year, and it took most of that time to end things like depression, fatigue, insomnia, restlessness etc. The body aches, at least the bad ones, go away fairly quickly....like a few weeks maybe?? You may be running into a problem that is a result of some of your medical issues. However, you are doing the right thing in coming off the tram. I don't know anyone on here who wouldn't agree with that part. "Switching" one drug for another isn't ever good, but again, I am not a chronic pain sufferer. Have you tried 800 mg of Ibuprofen? My advice? Give yourself some time away from the pain pills, and see if you feel some of that pain becoming tolerable! Good luck!!!
river- I think it takes a while and after 4 years of use...we need to keep that in mind. the SNRI component of the tram seemd pretty potent to me...although the cymbalta is helping that I think it is important to keep in mind we are getting off both an opiod AND an AD. glad you had a reasonable wean and your w/d (initial) were minimal...I found the pain receptors were hypersensitive for about 2 weeks then they calmed down and I could see the underlying pain I was working with. I do not have the chronic pain issues you do. I would recommend strongly an exercise routine that makes sense for you. how much are you over weight? good job getting off the Tramadevil ....we are here to help!
Tramhat- I think the vistaril works well for anxiety during the day but keeps me awake at night....just figured that out last night as my last 3 nights sleep have been horrible and vistaril is the only new ingredient
KEEP GOING BRAVE WARRIORS
Hi everyone- I've been out of town and no chance to reply to everyone. For those considering going on an anti-depressant, just make sure you really need it before you do. We all want a quick fix. ADs come with their own withdrawal, even Lexapro, so it's prolonging the inevitable in a way. Your receptors need to heal from the tramadol, likewise from an AD.
That said, I was already on Pristiq, which is an SNRI. It saved my butt and I had a much easier withdrawal than most here. I'm now on Effexor to taper off. It's very hard and much like tramadol, it can take awhile for your brain to recover from the tapering and loss of meds. I'm at 50mg though and still here!
10mg of Lexapro is a low dose, so if you're going to take one, it's probably a good one. I do not recommend Effexor or Pristiq for this purpose or you'll be dealing with w/d all over again. I have taken generic lexapro, which is celexa, in the past. I gained weight and felt a bit zombie like, so if you can afford it, go with Lexapro. Everyone is different though and some people like Celexa. Effexor and Paxil are the hardest to come off of (Pristiq too because it is Effexor). Effexor is a great drug for heavy duty depression, but not for this. I'm warning of this because GPs hand out Pristiq like candy without telling people it's the same as Effexor.
do you go down to 25 on the Effexor soon? when you taper down do you get the waves of anxiety and depression?
some of my patients take 225mg effexor a day. (along with a bunch of other 'stuff') gorked, eh?
course so was I on the Tramamonster........glad to be rid of it...although sometimes I miss that blanketed feeling
when all hell seems to be breaking loose and I can just reach in my pocket and down a few white ones...wait 20 minutes
but then? yuck....tied, strapped...a slave to a pill...counting days and pills in secret and hiding....oh yeah...that feeling I miss? an illusion....as a matter of fact wantmyself says it so well....I can cope, get through discomfort, have emotional pain,
enjoy the successes as well as weather the 'slings and arrows' without my little white assistant...cause it is not THAT
rather it is a powermongering, destructive pill that wants nothing less than my attention, focus and dedication at all times............and I begin to attribute so much power to it...power and strength that is rightfully mine...but within the addiction I can't have it...the bond must be broken...and Tram w/d is a roiling around in agony breaking this-- first physical then psychological bond.........to the blankey.....(just like Linus...I never went anywhere without it)
free at last free at last.....
THANKS ALL-- YOU ARE LOVED -- STAY STRONG
Hey 4Leef- Yes, I've taken a week or two off because we've had weekend plans with people that I can't afford to lose it with! Like my in-laws. This weekend is another. I've been wondering if it'd be worth dropping just 12.5 this week and if that would make the next 12.5 easier or the same. Do you know? I was on 50 mg of Pristiq and then switched to 150mg Effexor, so I was never on a high dose. I have to do a klonopin taper after this! I take that at night for night terrors.
I'm dreading the last drop in Effexor because my understanding is that that will take a couple of weeks at least to adjust to and I'm quitting my job soon. I want to give a lot of notice, so I don't want to be a poor worker during my last weeks/month. Sounds like a lot of excuses, but it's hard.
I want to start trying to get pregnant in April, so that doesn't give me a lot of time to get off both the Effexor and the Klonopin. Of course, once I stop working, if I have a couple of bad weeks that will be okay.
The anxiety and depression seem to set in about a week after I drop. Not sure if that will still be the case at such a low dose. It would be nice to be able to predict it!
I don't know but am guessing a 12.5 drop would make the transition easier. It is ok to take your time. you are not abusing anything and using a low dose AD is not any kind of failure...from reading the paws and the journal here....giving those synapses a little nudge with an AD for a few months to alleviate the anxiety and depression makes some kind of sense...if I think about it...that must be what drives people back to the Tram...the interminable length of time it takes to equilibrate the biochem off of it.....
I believe prayer, meditation, exercise, and yummy thoughts all contribute to endorphin release...and also help build new neuro pathways in our brains...which help with attitude, outlook, and the depression and anxiety
I am trying to work on these everyday
pregnant? thats wonderful!
i suppose if it takes a little more time to get off the effexor you might be able to start trying a little later?
or are you on a tight timeframe?
it is a wonderful thing to look forward to
and the hormones of pregnancy cause such a wonderful emotional milieu
THANKS ALL YOU ARE LOVED STAY STRONG
Bode- did my message get to you? i can't tell.........thanks for your support!!
That would be my guess too. Usually, the slower the better, although I don't think there is any avoiding the last drop to zero! I was on this drug way before I quit tramadol, so I'm ready to get off it. Also, the libido impacts are difficult for me.
Technically, I could start later, but I've been ready. I'm 30 now, so I don't want to wait too long.
I've been at 50mg for two weeks now, so I may taper down this week and if I need to, I can add back in.
Hi...I've been lurking, posted a couple times, but reading daily for about a week now. I am one of those people that had herself up to like 30/40 pills a day. After reading everything here I DRASTICALLY cut myself down in an attempt to "taper" myself down until I can CT next weekend when i won't have my children. When I say drasitcally, I mean like I'm taking 10th what I was taking just a week ago.
I'm noticing that I feel like I'm coming down with something...I have a headache, scratchy throat, am a little chilled and just overall lethargic. But I don't feel wretched or like the flu has overcome me. I just feel like I could be coming down with something. This has been going on for 3 days now. I figure my body is wd-ing, as it's expecting a lot more of the tram than it's getting.
I'm sitting here at my desk tempted to just dump the rest in the toilet and be done with them but I'm scared I'll go into full on WD and screw up my ability to get through work the rest of the week. However, I also had the brilliant idea that I could just "get high" once more. I haven't done either. I'm just sitting here. Obviously, I don't want to "get high" just once more...and I know I should not as well.
I've been treated for depression for a few years now. For longer than the trams have been an issue for me. I'm currently on 90mg of Cymbalta and 10 mg of Lexapro, combined. That worked pretty well. Then when I started taking the trams too much, I felt great! Now the trams make me feel like garbage.
I know no one will have the answer for me...I'm just posting because I kind of need to post right now to keep me from digging into my purse and pull out those pills right now. But I'm hoping that the reason I don't feel horrible WDs is because of the ADs I'm already on. I'm hoping that this is as bad as it will get for me. But i'm skeptical because I've not dropped the pills all together. I am, however, proud of myself for cutting the dose down. At first I just wanted to taper it, then I got eager to be rid of the pills and just cut most of them out...I'm just afraid to drop them all together until I have a few days off work, kid free, so i can be miserable on the couch if that's what happens to me.
I'm so ready to be done with this bad habit. I am in counseling and dealing with a professional who understands addiction. So I know I have the aftercare part ready and lined up. It's just a matter of taking this jump...
Needinghelp- It sounds like you're doing great. As an addict, I tend to have an all or nothing mentality, hence the taking pills to get high or not at all. I think if you've reduced by that much and you're okay, you'll be fine. You might feel like you have the flu or just a cold, then you may see your depression pick up a little, since you've essentially been taking an extra one. It will probably even out and if needed you could ask your doctor about upping your current ones after you stop.
Technically, they aren't supposed to give tramadol and SSRIs or SNRIs because it can cause Seretonin Syndrome, but this doesn't seem to be that common, so doctor's don't worry about it.
It's great that you have aftercare in place. I have a therapist and I also worked with a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction. It really helped to have a confidential outlet.
good luck! It's hard to know when to stop because sometimes it can take longer to feel bad. The depression and anxiety may set in later than the physical stuff. I didn't have it that badly, so who knows.
So many posts to go through. I've been on the paxil for a week and do feel more evened out and not so rough around the edges. It's been really hard the last few days ad i have had alot of cravings for any drug. I'll get through it and have been keeping busy and working out. It's funny, the minute you let your guard down there's always a challenge of temptation.
For those out there fighting off cravings and thoughts of our devil-friend, realize it only takes but a brief moment for the thought process to switch its thinking. Try to invision something peaceful, a place your mind has etched in memory of relaxation, etc. If all else fails, grab a baby aspirin, hold it in your hand, and if need be, take it with no water. You'll second guess taking a pill again as the heartburn should make your brain associate that with tramadol. Learned that the other day from a drug counselor who I was discussing the w/d's of tramadol to, which he had never heard of.... haven't had to take the aspirin yet.... my good thoughts have saved me from that one.
There are thousands of resources out there for information... this one ultimately tops the cake, though. Using these posts as a means to vent, express concern, or help you withdrawal will find you solace and the willpower to keep going.
Stay strong, make the jump, and we'll be here to catch you.
Tramahater, I can relate to your posts very much. I was just like you for 6 years. Always running out early and having to face a few days of withdrawal, only to pick up a refill, have 25 days of bliss, then days of hell waiting for day 30 to roll around for the next fill. I would always count them when I started getting low and have just ENOUGH to take smaller doses until the refill, which would have allowed me to avoid a lot of the withdrawal, but each morning I'd wake up with hellish withdrawal and just take normal doses...then run out and wonder why the HELL i didn't just take smaller amounts to last me until the anticipated refill. We are all the same. It blows my mind.
My last tramadol dose was December 26th. So, I'm coming up to a month soon! The withdrawal seems to be over, but I have moments where it seems to reappear briefly. I'm struggling with a little depression now. And feel like I've lost a part of myself by getting rid of the tramadol. When, in reality, I have actually gained my whole self by doing so. I'm at a very high risk of relapse.
Worst part of withdrawal for me was a weird, painful sensation all over my body. It's hard to describe with words, but I'm sure we all experience it. When that feeling finally subsided, it was a big relief. However, like I said, I feel I'm at a very high risk of relapse right now. :-(
4leef, so glad to see you still posting and sticking to this. Keep up the yoga. I have been doing some exercise, and I was sore all over, especially in my legs afterwards, but it felt so good. And runner's high isn't a myth :D
howcouldI--can you say more about why you feel you are at a high risk of relapse??? you said it TWICE in your last post, my friend..............
I know what it feels like to walk around this world without out our 'blankey' aka little whites
the Tramadamage runs deep
you are very young...you developed many years in adolescence under the influence of this drug
that means you might have missed a few days of school in this 'thing called life', Honey
so to be fair to yourself in remaining clean....I am hoping you are getting some guidance and maybe even leadership
in learning to live...drug free
you deserve it!!!
glad you are getting in some exercise...have you tried yoga?
Raja yoga is meditation and breath work....pretty cool...creates an altered state you get to keep and can recreate anytime, anywhere....no charge...no worries....no pain or shame....you can 'stay home' in your heart and breath through anything
STAY STRONG ALL
YOU ARE LOVED
HowcouldIknow- 4Leef is right, it sounds like you have something to say or feel about this whole thing because the risk of relapse comment came up a lot. That's great that you said it. Coming here and talking about it is how you prevent relapse. It was the same way for me when I quit smoking. Whatever you do, don't try to avoid those feelings.
Basically, when we've been using substances to get high, we've been hiding from some things going on in our lives. Sometimes, this is a relationship that isn't good or sometimes it's just our self-esteem (or both). Like you, I started using alcohol or some drug when I was a teenager. That means I got used to escaping some stuff (for me it's usually self-esteem related or not feeling good enough). Anyway, all this stuff comes up in some form when we stop. That's why AA has the steps and the inventory you take, so that you confront things that are going on and accept them or change them. I can't remember if you go to meetings at all (I don't right now), but you might want to read the "Big Book." Or just talk about what's going on here.
Are there any outside problems bothering you now? Do you have a refill waiting?
You don't have to answer these, just some thoughts. I hope you don't relapse. Eventually, you'll end up back here again and you'll regret the relapse. I've never heard anyone say they were GLAD they relapsed on anything. :)
Howcouldi and others.... fearing a relapse is a struggle you have to win with your brain. One thing I suggest if you start thinking down the wrong path is to go back to your posts that you made while w/ding.
Sometimes that hits home more than you think. When I had a thought every now and then, I go back and look at the posts I made in which I was in AGONY and swore I would NEVER do that again... and I think it works.
I remember going through a week of absolute hell. If there is such a place, I think I visited there during my w/d.
Stay strong and realize that you're a new "you..." :)
I am really scared. I was prescribed trams back in August 2009 when I finally got up the motivation to tell my doctor that I no longer wanted my monthly Vicodins because I felt that they were addicting.. He said I should take Tramadol cause it wasn’t addictive or habit forming. Yea! Why not. I’m so proud of me at this point… no vicodin and I seem to be very happy and in just a good mood all the time on the tramadol. Not high! , just very happy! Here I am 6 months later and I’ve known I’ve had a problem for the last 2 months when I found this group! When my vicodin script ran short… I would have a couple of apathetic days. After my first month on trams, I waited to get my script filled and had 2 days of hell. No motivation, restless BODY syndrome, couldn’t concentrate, irritable. Got my script refilled and have been great for the last 5 months! Like I said… those w/d symp’s were after taking trams for 1 month!! In December I realized for sure that I needed to stop taking these because I just don’t feel like myself! My sense of humor and good spirits were just out of this world ridiculous! Never cry, have no sex drive, but most importantly I just wasn’t, just AM NOT me! Help. I read a lot on here and knew cold turkey was not for me. ( I take 8 X 37.5 mg per day) I made a plan to taper and was doing well but then …” I can’t do this during Christmas.” Started full on again. So, its been 5 months and 12 days that I’ve been taking this evil pill.
Yeah Mitch--we hear you.......I imagine you suspect by now that Tram w/d might 'outshine' vicodin w/d....and from what I've read this is probably true. What are your thoughts about approaching w/d for you? are you on any other meds? Just know IT CAN BE DONE....you need a good 4-5 days and certainly could wean down if that would work for you....myself? if I tried to do a lengthy wean I am certain I would find an excuse to go up...here and there...I just know I don't have the control. suboxone is an option...we have some people doing that and it helps with the w/d...I used clonidine to help...others have used benzos and antidepressants to help.....there is much info here and we are here to help... keep posting
howcouldi....It's those days of "waiting" and feeling horrible that we have to remember when we have fear of relapse and temptation. At least that's what I try to do. I haven't always been successful, but I have to keep pulling myself back up and moving on with the next try! (and hopefully last!) Just try to remember that cravings don't last forever. Sometimes mine are just a few minutes here and there. If you give in to temptation, you are going to have to start that "monthly process" all over again! Keep your chin up and keep posting here for help.
14 days tram free. Dropped down to 1.75mg's sub and and will conitnue to drop .25 every 4-5 days until I'm completely drug free. So far, little to no w/d symptoms, thank God!
One thing I started doing again is exercise. While on the trams I lost interest and desire to exercise...which is weird because I thought it was giving me "energy"...but it was a fogged out energy. A fake energy. So, for those struggling with depression or anxiety or both, exercise can work wonders. I know it seems really hard when in w/d or even post w/d, but try to force it and you will feel alot better, I promise!
I think today is 29 or 30 days for me. Whew! what a month! I struggled seriously with anxiety yesterday. better today. some waves of depression but I am 'pushing' through it. I talked with a woman I highly respect today and told her about the Tram situation I've had going on. She recommended seeing a psychiatrist for this ongoing anxiety and depression. I kind of decided before consulting with her that I'd do whatever she recommended. so I am putting a call out for a referral today. I feel relieved. I am aware that the moments of craving come up for me in direct relationship to this anxiety. ALSO there were a few things I have been procrastinating.....I took care of some of them today. hopefully continuing to address these things will lessen this anxious feeling. It isn't constant and I am able to work and show up pretty well...but it gnaws and I end up chewing nicorette gum like a fiend, lately. I know --a stimulant on top of anxiety.....makes no sense...
Bode- i agree with your suggestion about exercise.
STAY STRONG ALL
I am brand new. I posted for the first time by posting a new question, received a wonderful response from a very informed lady, and began to check out other treads. I am thankful to Emily for starting this and even though my hands are shaking as I'm writing this, I know I'm headed in the right direction.
I became dependent on alcohol in college and a full fledged alcoholic after losing my dad right before graduation. My first marriage fell apart due to an affair and my alcoholism, and my life in those years is a blur of sadness and loneliness with small shots of fun bar scenes in between.
I met my husband, he helped me get clean - he is an angel in a lot of ways - and with the exception of one night relapse, I have been alcohol free for almost 10 years.
Five years ago I had a c-section and was given percocet. I had never taken it before and had real pain, but got a refill twice because I could continue to function even though I had no sleep with new twins and post partum depression. I started ordering tramadol online after my doctor wouldn't give me anymore scripts for the percocet. I had read that tramadol was non-habit forming, etc. All the bs I've read that many of you thought too. I was on it for about 3 months, but eventually came clean with my husband. He helped me taper off, and while I had some sleepless nights and slight withdrawl, it was tolerable. I did it.
Five years have gone by and life has been busy and productive. I've been on lexapro consistently and have been pretty happy. I have a beautiful family. I am blessed. My work is incredibly stressful, and this past year has been REALLY stressful with a promotion and a very highly engaged (tough) boss. It's hard. I'm happy, because I'm supposed to be happy, right? Nothing is wrong
At the end of Nov I went to the dentist and had a series of procedures including root canals and extractions. They prescribed both vicodin and percocet. I refilled on prescription and lied to get more saying the vicodin upset my stomach and I threw it away. I was falling right back into the habit. It was happening really fast. The thing was, things are work were easier. I was working later and getting more done. My boss was happier with my work, and there has even been talk of another promotion. Okay, how could this stuff be bad like before?
This time around it's making me superwoman.
Never mind that I was not connected to my 5 year olds, just going through the motions, my husband is telling me I'm disconnected, and I KNOW in my heart and soul this is not right. It's not real. But again, work is good. I'm superwoman and am loving the, "HOW DO you do it all? You are amazing?" "She's got two small children and she's climbing up the ladder fast. She's really something."
I began ordering tramadol online at the end of December and up until 4 days ago had burned through two 90 ct. RXs, taking anywhere from 4 to 9 a day.
This past Saturday night I took my last 4 pills and went to sleep. Sunday was okay. Monday was hard. I started sweating and feeling exhausted around noon. I made it through work, but am not really sure how. I broke down on my way home to pick up my children. I pulled over and just bawled. I KNEW I had a choice. I could either go home, order more, and make it through the night, or come clean. I picked up my children, cried to my mom that I would call her later, got home and told my husband I had the flu. I couldn't tell him the truth with the children there. I got through their baths and then he took over. I took two xanax, and went to bed. Three hours later the chills started. Then diarrhea, then vomiting. Chills ... anxiety, crying, pacing. I was actually on the floor. I think I passed out a few times. I thought I would die. I wanted to. Funny thing is, I never wanted to take more tramadol. I don't even think I would have if they were right there. I KNEW they were the reason. I was just scared I was going to have a seizure.
The next day was worse. I couldn't get into the doctor until 3, so I just survived. I paced, had chills, took about 10 (no joke) hot showers in about 5 hours, etc. I can't describe how bad it was to anyone who hasn't experienced it. It's the worst thing I"ve ever experienced except for losing my dad. I drank through that though.
So, did I really experience it? Really?
Today is day 3. I am trying not to think about work. I know I have to put this first. Me first. My husband actually took my blackberry so I wouldn't even look at the red light. I know I must have 50 + emails. My boss will not understand. She comes to work with the flu. The rational part of me knows that if I am not clean and well, nothing at work matters anyway, but I have come so far. I am afraid, and I know I am still experiencing withdrawls.
I have an appt. with a therapist tomorrow, and I am very much looking forward to going. It means more time off work. Sigh.
I thank any of you in advance for even reading part of this. I know I have rambled. I admire those of you on days 10, and 50, and 100+. I can't imagine being there, but I believe I will be. You are inspiring. Thank you.
I was here a few months back. And due to my pain managment program-ambivilence I went off Ultram completely 4 months ago... That being said.. I talked with my dr. cancelled all the ultram--which was like two 2 three weeks to feel anywhere near soo so to ok. Then the anxiety for another month,.. I wont ever take that garbage every day ever again. The issue I have now is that I am starting to go off all of the short acting stuff. ( Vics type) and although I dont either use them every day. Ive only had two weeks here and there completely off of that also. I think now my battle is primarily psychological.. I am frightened about how difficult the temptation is to go and exaggerate to my now ( cancelled ) pain management people that my issue ( long term tear to shoulder ) is even worse. When it isnt.
I keep wanting to chase the old days of " fun" of once in a while --um.. "only when I need it". Which I know I want off of all of it and now NEED to be... The psychological battle is for me the hardest. I want control, I want to decide when where, or not at all. I want to be in charge.. Regardless. I have alot of psychological work to do, I am learning about my very own not exactly--addiction. ( because I did the physical piece) I am battleing every day with, some or none? I find that I need to get some serious ( straight out clean time) and even to know how to function with out the longing to get a stupid buzz.. I know its dumb. Especially since I worked this hard.. I am scared and feel like I am on a slippery slope. I keep trying to figure out where I didnt get the support or information I needed. Its a mind battle now for me. Any thoughts? Anyone ever relate? Early in their recovery?
I can say that you probably experienced the withdrawal from the Tramadol. You're going on day 4, so tomorrow will be better than days 1-3. You're going to feel down in the dumps baically because Tramadol has an anti-depressant effect to it while taking it, and when you w/d, your brain basically doesn't know what to do and that's why you're all emotional, exhausted, and basically feel like crap. Just hang in there, talk to your therapist, and relax. I can relate so much to your post because I too ordered tramadol from an online pharmacy and took them to be superman at work and climbed the executive ladder with three promotions in one year. I thought and swore it was the tramadol which did it, but being close to 50 days out, I'm back to my good ol' self, full of energy, full of life, and loving every second of it. I've had very sucessful business meetings and even was offered yet another promotion (which I had to decline because I couldn't move out of state) OFF the tramadols, so I know I'm back to my superman self- minus the tramadol. The thing is, tramadol puts this fog over you, blankets you from everything around you, and makes you think you can't do anything without it. The truth is, YOU CAN, and it's quite simple.
Your emotional well-being is a big part of recovery. You need to make sure you have things in order and you're keeping yourself busy, active, and are open about your addictive personality to someone (or on this post)- that's the key for recovery. Making sure you are happy and not overwhelmed is really what is going to help you overcome the post-acute withdrawal symptoms. Hang in there, and know that the first few days are the worst.
I suggest a lot of vitamins, gatorade, and perhaps an energy drink or something with caffeine to help these next couple of days. You'll find that you'll be getting your energy back in due time (although it will take a couple of weeks). Just be rest assured that you will return back to your good life... free of Tramadol.
I suggest reading "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life" by Dr. Daniel Amen. It discusses a lot of the impulses and psychological factors you are concerned with and had some good things to say. You might want to give it a shot. The problem is with Tramadol and any other type of addiction is that you pretty much change the way your brain functions. If you read the book, you'll know what I'm talking about. They have some pretty intense pictures in there. The good news is that with proper thinking and techniques, you can ward off tempting thoughts and train your brain to act differently. Am I a success sotry? I dunno... I am too early in recovery to say any of this works... but I'd take any advice.
Hope that helps all. Stay strong... and you will conquer. :)
Thanks to Grandmagirl and Bodegirl for your kind notes. I am so very blessed to have found this forum. I never knew ... I just never knew all of you were out there and JUST LIKE ME. Even through the wd, it is a lifesaver.
I very much appreciate your response. I looked back over your previous posts, and like me, you sound like you connected your tramadol addiction to success and confidence at work, much like I do (did). I am a workaholic and much of my selfworth comes through my success professionally. I also found that superwoman feeling keeping a perfectly clean house, and having time for everything. Everyone I know thinks I am amazing. Ha~ what a joke! I came home from a long day and "rewarded" myself with 4 or 5 tramadols.
I even had a routine. I would take 3 or 4 right before leaving work, and by the time I got home or almost home, I would start to get that warm feeling. All of you know what I mean.
Dinner with the kids, baths, clean up ... it was all so much more enjoyable. I'd pop another one, go through some emails, get more work done (amazing me) and then go to bed after talking to my husband about our days. Sounds great, right?
The next day, I would ever wake up with a slight buzz still and the tired, headachy feeling didn't start until about 3 that day. I knew I had the trams to take in an hour or so, so I was good to go.
The problem with this pretty little routine was that I was obsessed with it, fixated on how I would feel that night, and after a couple of weeks, the 3 or 4 weren't doing so much. I started taking 4 to 5 to 6. Then, on the weekends, because it was the weekend afterall, I would take a few in the morning to "enjoy" the laundry, the park, whatever we were doing. Pop a few more and LOVE going grocery shopping. Take a few more and have a restful night sleep. Okay, now we are talking 6 during the week and close to 10 on Sat and 10 on Sunday. I was burning through one 90 ct. scrip every two weeks. Not cool financially, health-wise, etc. Plus the lying to my husband, sneaking the pills, and not being able to feel happy without them.
It never ends well. It NEVER ends well. Nothing we lie about, sneak about, or KNOW is wrong ends well.
I guess I need this therapy of writing.
At any rate, I appreciate this ability and am thankful for the forum. I am heading into day 5.
Bibnk.....I think all of us are on a slippery slope all the time because we can get addicted so easily all over again.We must all be diligent in always resisting temptation and thinking about the high.The high does not interest me anymore but sometimes when I see the pills...I think to myself..I wonder how 1 will feel?I do not act on my thoughts and push that thought out my mind pronto.But the though sometimes comes.We just have to distract ourselves and think about other things.These thoughts come less and less with time and are easier to suppress.
The biggest thing keeping me on track is the knowledge that i do not need these drugs in my life and things function better without them.If I do not need them....then why on earth even try one...Not gonna happen.heroin does not interest me either and never did and I class these drugs like heroin ...to be avoided.
Yes very true. Pharma9. Thanks for responding .. I agree its always a slippery slope, and I do mean that I see it as the psychological piece was something I was in no way prepared for. I had been ( needing it for about 4 to 5 months ) but after that it was in my mind more or less psychological and I didnt realize how much till recently. I am glad to hear that in time, the thoughts come less and less... I remember soo much in the begining, the physical part and not being able to wait until the WD were not as acute. Now its like I forgot how bad it was. And I feel ashamed, and scared, and for two months I have vascilated dabbling in and out on a very unneccesary whim. I also, have been scared that more and more I dont try to fight the temtation. And, now I am here because I REALLY REALLY need to FIGHT. Like YESTERDAY..
I do not want to ever end up where I was again. I have gone to 12 step meetings and dont like them. I do really find this site helpful, and it got me started on what seems to be a very long term recovery process. At least it got me started. I am ready to begin the psychological battle NOW. I do not, and will not let myself go back there.
I was reading in my phone back in the "day" all the people I ( borrowed) right meds from. After I cancelled my pain management thing and then freaked out and wanted it, didnt want it. Back and forth it went. I think my brother knows I borrowed I have no idea who else. I have never ever tried nor will I try anything like, smoking, or um, heroin,or anything illegal at all, but since I keep OCDing about it.. Can I say I am even doing my best? I NEED TOOLS LIKE NOW< TO GET BACK ON TRACK.. The minimal WD I go through now, like, sweats or things will only get worse if I do not stop. I feel so weak and like a complete failure again....
I dont even know where to begin....I actually, have people who have helped me and I feel most guilty about not coming through all the way.. I went through all that hell for what?
I have a few left I want to taper the next two days then really try to keep posting util I figure out what to do or even ask for in terms of help, or what not. I did have clonidine and I dont think I need that now. But I do need to stay VERY RIGIDLY ON TRACK. Before its too late. This forum is all I have, I am so suppressed about my shame over this. I told only a handful of people. I want out. I was so close, and I know the key--is to never START!!!
Thanks for the book reference I will look it up actually. I AM WILLING TO TRY ANYTHING U GUYS CAN THINK OF THAT WORKED For you Too.
I KNow its a lifelong thing. I remember the other things, the losing weight, and all these other things. I tend to addiction switch. I need to find, books, support, do I need to stay on an antidepressant? I didnt feel like I needed it, but I did get anxious quite abit.
I hate that its a guessing game as to how to do it. Its like I want a road map.. But I dislike 12 steps. Well I like the idea I dont like the disorganization of it all.
In 4 months I have learned to not be dependent, except on God. Ive learned to, read more on this. I have dabbled, and struggle and have gotten pills then thrown bottles out the next day. How wierd is that? Its like my brain is split in half?
I need skills to Change My Brain... Literally...Help.
One more thing, I think I started a new partnership with someone too soon as well..I had a break up right around the going off the meds thing. And wow, what a bunch of emotional nightmare that was. This person is really sweet, and actually wants to be very, very serious, but if Im not healthy and stable yet is that even wise?
Hey, guys sorry for being away a few days.
Some are probably wondering how my fear of relapse has been. I haven't relapsed :-)!!!! I have had some severe cravings lately and that's why I mentioned a risk of relapse. I have yet to do so, so I think I'm doing pretty good. Technically, yeah I have a refill waiting, but it's weeks over due. It would have been due on January 4th.
And thinking back, I really don't recall a real reason why I took the tramadol. First time I took it I was just following doctor's orders and wasn't expecting anything like a mood-lift from it. It just made me feel good. Being 15, I was VERY naive about drug use. But I do remember having a lot of anxiety and a little depression before my first tramadol. I noticed it helped alleviate that as well.
Things are going well, so there's no real reason to want a pill. Only to make myself feel "better". But I do feel pretty good. Only thing that has gotten me down is job searching. Poor fiance is working night shifts. I've been looking and looking for work, but no word yet. I stay at home with the baby. She's almost 6 months old. So glad to have gotten off the tram during this time. I can not judge a drug addict with children AT ALL. I mean, there's nothing to judge. But I do believe my daughter deserves better and I'm glad I will not have to go through days of withdrawal while waiting on a refill when she's old enough to see me suffer :-) Will feel good to set a good example for her to "stay away from drugs" and not be a hypocrit. :D
Wow. Can you believe I took care of this girl with no flaw while mommy was at work and sleeping till noon everyday? So proud of myself. There were moments when I wanted to set her down in her crib and just go cry. And I did a few times. But i made it out! :D Thanks again to all of yoU! Sorry so long...hahah.
howcouldi- Good for you for not relapsing! I know it must be hard not having a job, but remember that taking care of your daughter is also a job and a hard one. There is not enough credit given for people that stay at home with their kids. I know it's not by choice, but remember how great it is that you're there for her when she's so young.
Sara- I can totally relate to what you said. Tramadol gave me the extra boost too needed to work or clean. It's pretty common for alcoholics to be given tramadol because it's not seen as addictive. Have you thought about telling your doctor not to prescribe painkillers in the future? Or to limit them? I know it's unrealistic to go through surgery and not take them, but we know how slippery the slope is for us. I haven't yet done this either. Do you attend AA or anything?
Hello everyone..Thanks from my heart to those of you who have reached out to me with your words of encouragement..means more than you could ever know. In terms of getting my life back..i dont know what that looks like which produces more anxiety..i had weight loss surgery 4 years ago..(which is when i started the trams)..cannot remember who i was..but ultimately..i was whoever you needed me to be..in particular after 160 lb weight loss..i was bouncing all over the place and trams helped me to be multiple persons..so i dont know where im going. appreciate the advice about addiction counselor..im sure that will help...dr. called me after last refill request on the xanax..(not the tramadol). said im taking too much and i have to go see him now before he will refill..so now we will have "the talk" about weaning off the tram..scares me. .the less tram i take (presently averaging about 350mg/day)...the less xanax i need...1 at night for sure to sleep...no matter what..getting ready to head into my travel season..the way i've negotiated travel for past few years is with the drugs..i cannot conceive of driving in a strange big city without the pharms to help..it is terrifying to think about. but i need to move fwd ..concern about taking an anti depressant with the tram..fear of seratonin syndrome and seizures - can anyone speak to this? unlike a lot of you i am older..(62)..but thank God..i have no major medical issues ..a back injury got me here..but that has been remedied with the weight loss..i was super woman last year with exercise..(almost manically)..since introducing wine in evenings..seems im losing my drive..absence of consistent exercise really taking a toll.. my work is suffering in a scary way..i do not know how much longer my bosses will tolerate my lack of productivity. i am in NO position to retire..have not been smart with saving money..so i need to work.. again, grateful to you all for being out there and sharing your stories..this is the lifeline I've so desperately needed.
Although I can't say you won't get Seretonin Syndrome, I was always on an anti-depressant with trams. Also, I found trams made me more anxious driving and with other fears. I found that my klonopin at night was a lifesaver through withdrawals, as was my AD. If you're stopping tram than there wouldn't be any worry about seretonin syndrome.
Hi I am new to this site and want to stop taking tramadol. So any feedback would be great!
I recently discovered that I might be pregnant (wont know for a week) and that's my reason for wanting to get off the tramadol. Before that I haven't "needed" to. tramadol is at my disposal whenever I want them. Last year I told my mom and fiance I might have a problem. I turned my pills over to him and only take them when my shoulder hurts and the pain in my head comes back. 3 weeks ago he gave them to me and never asked for them back. I realise now that I have a problem. I was to scared to admit it before! Tramadol makes me feel great and the pain goes away! I tried to quit the other day and felt like I was going to come out of my skin. I couldn't lay still and was up all night! I am scared to quit. I have a big function tonight and if I don't take any I will be a basket case! I cried this morning and then I get agitated, its awful. I don't smoke pot but thought, "Hey, if it helps why not?".
I have been reading everyones posts and it helps to know that I am not alone! Should I taper or quit cold turkey? I am only taking 50-75mg a day. I break my pills in half and takes several halves a day.
Nomore- Good for you for stopping. I would really talk to your doctor if you're pregnant. That would change if you can take any other medicines to come off it. I wasn't at a super high dose either. If you stop, you should be okay in a few days to a week except maybe some fatigue or depression, which if you're pregnant I would think would happen anyway at times. I don't think tramadol is approved for pregnancy, but I'm sure if you stop, it will be fine.
I'd just want to check with a doctor about stopping and harm to the baby. I'm sure they'll just say stop, but who knows. Since your problem isn't obvious, there shouldn't be a problem telling your doctor (you should either way).
Hang in there! It's not always terrible...it really does pass.
JG525- thanks for the support. My friend told me that I wasn't getting "messed' up so I wasn't addicted. I know better than that. And yes, Dcotors have prescribed tram for pregancy. It's class B? I think. My mom said that anything taken until implantation isn't affected to the baby, however I have no idea.
I hope it goes away soon! I am extremeley nervous and excitable, its going to be hard tonight when I have to play hostess to 250 people. I don't think I will make it without the tram. My children are gone from tonite until Sunday and I hope to detox this wkd, at least try to get over the humps. If you have any pointers to flush this out of my system faster that would be appreciated!
Hmm, I didn't know trams were Class B. Gosh, I didn't think you were supposed to take more than tylenol. I guess that's in an ideal world. My assumption would be, that if you were taking them at the birth, a baby would go through withdrawal, just like they would with Effexor, which people still take sometimes when pregnant.
Well, I don't know. I'm trying to come off all these things so that I can get pregnant too. Better safe than sorry I guess.
Not sure what will make them go more quickly. Immodium helps a lot of people- again not sure with pregnancy and people try lots of vitamins and herbal things, but also wouldn't with pregnancy. Especially since they aren't guaranteed to help you. Lots of water of course. Hot baths if that's safe for you help with restless legs, but I was just reading that pregnant women shouldn't raise their temps too much...golly!
The things that helped me were clonidine and klonopin at night, but those are both class C.
Basically, there seem to be two phases in tram withdrawal (this is what I've seen and experienced). There are the first 3 or so days, where you might feel flu like and stomach upset and then about a week out I think the anti-depressant effect starts to really wear off and you'll get some basic depression and anxiety. I think that after that you'll be fine, especially with your low dose. Have you told your mom and fiance this time? It'd be good to have their support.
Have you either taken those pills that you had or given them back to your fiance? Or gotten rid of them? You seem, like me, to be very aware of addictive behavior, so I think you'll do great!!
Hi everyone. I can't believe I've only been on for a few days and I'm not the newest one on this thread. That just goes to show that this problem with tramadol (or any painkillers) is more rampant than I ever realized.
I am on day "almost 5" of w/d and feel tired and a bit anxious, but overall, I know the worst is over.
I went to see my new therapist today, and she really hit many nails on the head in the short time I was there. She's not touchy feely, but very straightforward, and was clear on what I needed to do to get myself back. Endorphins naturally.
Since I got home I went out for an hour long walk and clearly pushed too hard because now I am exhausted, but I am glad I got out. Fresh air and lots of ipod. I had forgotten how much music can help.
Those of you who haven't heard "Drive" by Incubus - go listen to it. It is our story.
Hold the wheel and drive.
Anyway, I encourage all of you to go see someone if you can. It is going to help, I can already tell.
Nomore - I can't believe you get such a good feeling from such a small dose. I was up to 8 pills, sometimes 10. I don't think your w/d would be as bad as mine has been or some others on this site since your dose is low, but it will still not be a comfy experience.
I chose to go cold turkey because I wanted to go through the w/d. I feel that if I know how bad it gets, it will be a deterrent to my wanting to use again. Horrible, yes, but I am angry at myself and therefore wanted to do this.
In the midst of it, I clearly remember questioning that logic though. Wow, it was bad.
I still had upset stomach and diarrhea last night, so I know it's not over. Xanax isn't even working for sleep. I had to take an ambien, and I was out.
I will be reading again tonight. I am so lucky to have found this site.
HowcouldIknow - I know how hard it is to be home with a 6 month old. I have preschool age twins and remember that age. It's wonderful, but exhausting, and I can't imagine going through this while caring for them. I commend you, and your daughter is lucky to have you as a dad who wants her to see a healthy role model.
Welcome to nomore, bibnk and any others joining us. We are all here to heal and help eachother through this. We may be at different stages of recovery, and using different methods to reach our goal of sobriety, but we can help eachother in so many ways.
Sara-I can relate very much to feeling like superwoman on the trams. I felt I could do it all too. I am not a workaholic like you, but a perfectionist in many ways. I put a ton of pressure on myself. I try to be supermom, superteacher and superathlete and the trams made me feel like I could do it all....at first. Then it seemed like they werent as effective and I took more and more to try and get that effect again. Then I just had to take them to stay "normal" and not go into w/d. I was in in a vicious and horrible cycle.
I broke the cycle 15 days ago an am weaning off of suboxone (down to 1.5mg/day) and will be drug free within two weeks. I can not wait. But, then, how do I mainatin being superwoman? I am scared to not have a crutch. What will be my crutch? That's the part that scares me. Now that I and many of us are on our way to sobriety, its one thing to get through the initial tram w/d but how do we maintain our sobriety and be ok with "feeling" things again? Any thoughts?
Hang in there everyone. Taking a walk does wonders at any phase of w/d...
Bode - I relate to everything you said. I am also an athlete but have let that go and now only go on weekend jogs and occasionally go during the week. My walk today totally wiped me out, but I'm glad I went. I cried and had some episodes of difficulty breathing, but it was still "right" if that makes sense. This whole recovery feels right. It feels honest. It just also feels uncomfortable and real, and I haven't felt those feelings in quite a while.
I don't think I can go back to being superwoman anymore. The image is shattered. At least for me.
I told my boss I'd be back on Monday, and I am scared to death. We have a meeting every Monday morning with all the heads of the place, and I don't know what I will say, act like ... what they will all think. I have never been out for a whole week before. I told my boss I was very ill and was also suffering from a stress breakdown. She has been kind, but knowing the pace I was going before, there is NO WAY in the world I'm going to be able to keep that pace again. I simply can't, and don't really want to. The stress of all that is part of what led me to the tramadol in the first place.le
I think all of us need to get rid of the need to do it all. We can't, and we have to stop apologizing for that human part of life. I am like a pot calling the kettle black here, but I know it's true.
I am going to get two books tomorrow - PillHead by Jonathan Lyons and The Dangers of Painkillers by Dr. Drew. I am looking forward to reading these books.
Have any of you read them?
I ate a full dinner tonight for the first time in weeks. It tasted great and it was very healthy. Now, two hours later, my stomach feels like it's ready to explode. I haven't had this much food in me in a very long time. Have any of you experienced this? I'm just praying the diarrhea doesn't hit again like last night. Gross, I know, but this place is pretty honest.
Thanks and my prayers and best wishes go out to all of you.
Keep posting. I am looking forward to reading more and more.
Today I finally went off the 1/4 tram. felt a little funny after a while, but then it passed. Just keeping busy. trying not to let things irritate me. still having a bit of night sweats. i can also go a couple of days feeling fine and then get a bit of the "ill at ease" feeling of dread. but things do seem to be gradually getting better. I don't dare not take any of the supplements.
Had drug testing at my job the other day and was surprised when the tram didn't show up for opiates--the cup shows the results on the side for 4 dif drug groups. i guess 1/4 tab isn't good enough. i was just praying to God that it wouldn't show up and it didn't. fhew! I didn't know how I was going to explain myself. Off now so I don't have to worry about that anymore unless I eat a poppy seed muffin. Good thing I don't like them. Ha!
I can relate. When the w/d was bad a couple of months ago I couldn't eat a thing. Still have a problem eating a whole lot. Lost a lot of weight, though and needed to. Now my clothes are a bit on the baggy side.
You know I've noticed some problems breathing as well. I can't seem to breath all the way in like I used to. I have been a light asthmatic for years and hadn't used my enhaler in over a year. Then when I went on the tram, I was using it at least twice a day. still had probs when I was going through w/d, but now is better, maybe just once a week. but i am having a hard time breathing in, like my rib muscles just won't or can't expand. I'm still seeing my chiro once a week for adjustments from the accident, so I know it can't be a rib that is out.
I'm also struggling with just being able to think clearly and make choices. i feel so stupid. I have to admit, I think I did feel pretty confident and sure of myself when I was on the tram. Always felt pretty happy too. What a trade off.
Yes taking care of a baby that young is hard work, especially during that withdrawal phase. I must say, when I finally find work I will miss this time with the baby I have been having haha.
I seen that someone mentioned that tramadol is Class B for pregnancy use. It should be noted that tramadol is actually Class C. Animal reproduction studies have shown an adverse effect on the fetus and there are no adequate and well-controlled studies in humans, but potential benefits may warrant use of the drug in pregnant women despite potential risks.
I had withdraw from oxicodone, hidrocodone, vicodin , and norco several times in my life but this trams are the worst wd I had ever experience, and I only took them for ten days!!!!! 100mg per day I took the last 50mg on sunday morning and let me tell you today thursday night i'm pass all the flu like symptoms and the RLS but there is nothing not even the prozac to calm the anxiety and I can't sleep!!! sometimes I feel like nothing is going to help.
I CANT SLEEP EITHER ,TRIED TO GO TO SLEEP AT 10:00 AND I'M STILL UP AND ITS 4:33 AM ...................I STARTED A LONG TAPER BACK IN AUGUST , FOR A MONTH I HAD VERY BAD ACHES AND THE FLU SYMPTOMS.HAVE BEEN TAPERING AND RELAPSED BUT TAKING NO MORE THAN 4-5 TRAMS A DAY,THE FUNNY THING IS, I GOT HOLD OF SOME HYDROCODONE ,AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT THE FIRST 2 PIILLS I TOOK TOTALY SUPRESSED THE CRAVING FOR THE TRAMS,I STILL WENT THROUGH THE TRAM W/D'S ,BUT I HAD NO CRAVING FOR THEM,THE HYDROS HELPED ME DEAL WITH THE W/D SYMPTOMS ,SO 60 PILLS LATER AT 3 PER DAY, I'VE BEEN PILL FREE FOR 5 DAYS WITH THE LAST OF THE HEAD FUZZINESS GONE AS OF THIS EVENING ,SO I THINK I'M OUT OF THE WOODS .......I STILL HAVE NO CRAVINGS ,SO FAR ,SO GOOD ,BUT I CANT GET TO SLEEP ,I STARED TAKING 200 MGS OF 5-HTP BUT IT GAVE ME THE BUBBLE GUTS (u know what that is ) SO IMMA CUT IT DOWN TO 50 MGS A DAY . I MUST SAY THAT I FEEL SOMEWHAT NORMAL ,NO ANXIETY ,NO RLS........JUST CANT SLEEP TOOK 2 UNISOMS ABOUT AN HOUR AGO ..........STILL UP, THE FUNNY THING IS I HAVE NO CRAVINGS FOR THE HYDROS OR THE TRAMS ,HAS ANY ONE ELSE TRIED THIS ,IT SOUNDS CRAZY BUT IT WORKED FOR ME .....AND OH YEAH FOR THE BUBBLE GUTS , IMMODIUM MULT.SYMPT. IN TABLET FORM WORKED GREAT FOR ME!
Sickntired-I am in a similar situation and understand! I dropped tramadol over 2 weeks ago and went on a very low dose of suboxone and all cravings are gone. I am weaning off(only taking 1mg now)and have had almost no w/d symptons or cravings so far. Some may say you are swaping one drug for another, but if you have a plan and have support through a doctor, I think there is a good chance it could work well. It's not for everyone, but for me it's working out so far.
And I agree with Lillia777! There is no worse w/d than from tramadol! I've gone through tramadol w/d 4 times.. I HAD to go another route to get off of them as I could not face the endless torture again. Now, I only pray that I will stay away from tramadol. I hate how easy it is to purchase on the internet-I wish they'd just make it a controlled drug like all the other opiates! Is there a way we can help to get the truth about this drug out there? Does anyone have any ideas? It's ruined so many lives-it's scary. At least if people knew it was highly addicitive BEFORE taking it, there might be some hope.
Also, I felt like I could not breath for a month after stopping tramadol last time..maybe longer. I felt like I needed oxygen at night, it was awful. Eventually that went away but was one of MANY agonizing symptoms I had to battle. The insomnia lasted months too, but did eventually cease with the help of melatonin.
howcouldi- Thanks for the clarification. I thought the Class B thing was wrong, but I'm not an expert. A lot of drugs are Class C for pregnancy, so I couldn't imagine this wasn't too. I should have looked it up when she said that.
JG525-Jenny..thank you for responding to my post..i think you are right about the anxiety with the tram, driving, etc. I am trying to taper..not cold turkey..not yet anyways..so i guess i was wondering about taking the AD while i am tapering. and while I am tapering off Tram..I am anxious about doc wanting me to get off the xanax..i will talk to him about this. Did Zumba class last night with my daughter..exercise is KEY...helps so much. Gratefully sending good thoughts out to everyone on this site...bless each and everyone of you ..whatever your journey looks like.
Welcome sara, bibnk, sickntired, lilia-- thanks for your posts. This place is a lifeline for support and healing. W/D is painful, the symptoms run the gambit, all body systems are affected. Every cell in your body was bathed in the Tramasoup for however long and whatever doses you took daily...from reading here it doesn't seem to matter how much you took or how fast you taper.....they are THERE and need to run a course....the intensity and length probably change for variable dosing but THIS is a HEAVY physical withdrawal....i remember my first use of tram....I used it for a week last winter...short script...maybe 5 days...when I was done...I was yawning and my eyes were tearing like a heroin addict...and my legs were restless...I did not put it together..I thought I was catching something...no other symptoms but a foreshadowing of what was to come...missed it
ok...so...the physical W/D is a NIGHTMARE...4-5 days of toughness...we get through it with the help of this post and all the wonderful suggestions here..........and THEN what do we have to look forward to ???? PAWS....yep, the effects, I believe of the AD component .....but we continue to have the support of this post and I have taken several actions that are helping in THIS PART of the nightmare........the insomnia, anxiety and waves of morbid depression have been very tough to deal with...thanks everyone for posting regularly and sharing your experience, strength and hope
great to hear from howcouldI, desperategran, Jen, doug, Bode, Sierra, pharma---I love reading your posts!!
I am 31 days today Tram-Free...the anxiety is better but I still use the clonidine almost every day. I remain an insomniac. this week sleeping only 2-3 hours a night....strangely I don't seem all that tired during the day. last night I slept better. I have been working on my mental outlook daily...this helps. I read The Infinite Way by Joel Goldsmith (again) a revisiting after a few years. It is a lovely and healing message. When I can 'open' to that 'potential' healing is EVERYWHERE..from the pulpit to the checkout counter..every moment can be graced with it...it truly is up to me. When I look to the world for salvation...whether it be a pill, a relationship, an outcome (success, attractiveness, low body weight, cute clothes) I am ALWAYS in some kind of emotional pain about that....WHY? cause in order to WIN others have to lose....it is a separation
on some or all levels..but when I stop looking for salvation HERE and begin to let go of that thinking (wow...that thinking is so ingrained, it is like a way of life) ...and rather connect with The Absolute...let my will be aligned faithfully with a Source (you know, like the Tree in Avatar..) where the connectedness of everything is so apparent...I truly am free to be open and loving no matter what is going on in my life or in the world....my selfcenterness diminishes...and I begin to feel a warmth in my core, that is LOVE .....ahhh...this is what I was looking for all along (like Dorothy and the slippers, I feel like I am finally Home)
STAY STRONG ALL
YOU ARE LOVED
FINALLY ,I DID GO TO SLEEP I WOULD GUESS ABOUT 5-5:30 ,UP NOW FEELIN GOOD ,FINALLY I HAVE A MORNING APPITITE , I'M SHOCKED STILL NO CRAVINGS,I FEEL GOOD.......I'M NOT GOING BACK TO BED SO I CAN KINDA REGULATE MY SLEEP CYCLE, @ BODEGIRL I CAN RELATE TO THE BREATHING THING, IT HAPPEND TO ME WHEN I WAS HELPING A FRIEND MOVE ,IT WAS LIKE MY LUNGS HAD SHRANK AND COULD NOT TAKE IN THE AIR ,SO I FEEL U ON THAT ONE THAT WAS BACK IN THE EARLY FALL ...............I DONT WANT TO EVER GO BACK TO THOSE PILLS, THEY HAD ME IN SUCH A FUNK FOR THE LAST 3 YEARS AND I WANTED THE OLD "ME" BACK ,WHICH I NEW WAS NO LONGER THERE, IM GETTING BACK THERE, ONE DAY AT A TIME ,I DONT HAVE THE WEAKNESS I HAD THE FISH HEADS FOR ABOUT 4 AND A HALF DAYS,BUT VERY LIHTLY SO IT WAS EASY TO DEAL WITH ,AS OF LATE YESTERDAY ,MY HEAD FINALLY FELT NORMAL ,STILL HAVING A LITTLE EYE FOCUSING GLITCH ,BUT FROM READING THESE POSTS THATS COMES WITH THE WD'S................SO THIS IS DAY 5 TRAMMIE FREE WITH NO CRAVING ,I THINK MENTALLY I FINALLY HAD IT WITH THIS CRAP,SO ALSO MAYBE THATS WHY I ALSO HAVE NO CRAVINGS...........WELL, GETTIN IN THE SHOWER TO START MY DAY ,WILL CHECK IN LATER ................PEACE !!
CORRECTION: I'VE BEEN TRAMMIE FREE FOR ABOUT 3 WEEKS ,BUT PILL FREE FOR 5 DAYS SINCE TAKING THE LAST OF THE HYDROCODONE ,AS I STATED I THINK THE HYDROS KILLED THE TRAMMIE CRAVINGS.......SO THATS A GOOD THING !!..........................GOOD LUCK TO ALL IN YOUR BATTLES AGAINTS THE "TRAMANATOR " !!
Hey new and old warriors. Today is my 3 month anniversary from the trams. Cant wait to go home, cuddle up with my 5 year old and watch toy story, or an american tale. I feel much better lately with the depression. Sara~good luck. you can do this. this site was my only support. i cannot afford a therapist and cannot tell anyone about my past addiction. I just cannot do it. Yoy all remember sleep will come. It may not come quickly or easily, but keep pressing on. I cant believe it has been 3 months. I am really proud. getting off 25 trams a day was horrible. Waht good did it do me? It made me a shell of a person, with no emotions. Boy am I ever full of rage, ****, and vinegar now, but at least I CAN feel again, and love again. I missed myself, and a. finally finding the true me again. Thannks to all of you, namely Hillbilly, Fred, Emily, Avisg, JG525, and especially Pharma, who helps us all. I think Im gonna make it.
Booba...3 months is SO AMAZING...Hugs and kisses your way.You had such a hard time of it and you have come through with shining colours.I am so happy for you and you are so worth it.
Posting here and helping others who are fearful and unsure is a wonderful thing.It will help you in maintaining your recovery and remind you that you do not want to go through that pain again.
@ BOOBA77 COGRATZ ON YOUR SUCCESS!!!!!....,AT 25 A DAY THAT MUST HAVE BEEN A KILLER, THE FUNNY THING WITH ME WAS I WOULD ONLY TAKE THEM IN THE EVENING TO UNWIND AND CHILL ,I WAS UP TO ABOUT 10-12 A DAY FROM WHEN I STARTED 3 -4 YEARS AGO,AND THAT WAS DURING THE WEEK ,ON FRIDAY I WAS LIKE 16 A DAY FOR THE WEEKEND, BUT LIKE US ALL ON THIS FORUM, I LOST TOUCH WITH SOMEONE ,AND THAT SOMEONE WAS ME , I'M SO GLAD WE ALL HAVE HAD THE PRESENCE OF MIND TO REALIZE THIS ,WHICH IS THE FIRST STEP, I FELT THE SAME WAY YOU DID, BRIGHTER DAYS ARE AHEAD , I CAN FEEL IT.............. SO UNTIL MY BATTLE WITH THE TRAMANATOR HAS BECOME A VICTORY,I'LL HAVE TO JUST KEEP SHOOTIN ..............................................................................I'LL BE BACK ! LOL
Congrats Booba! I'm full of rage and emotions today too, but I'm sure it's the Effexor taper since I stepped down more yesterday. I really hate this feeling of not being able to control my anger and emotions, although I agree about "feeling" again.
Grndma- I hope your doctor will let you continue the Xanax for awhile, as it should help you with w/d.
It's pretty unlikely you'd get serotonin syndrome from an AD and tramadol while tapering if you went on one. I was prescribed both normally. But you never know I guess. Doctor should know.
Ok........I'm 24 hours tram free. I feel a little yucky...headache mostly. tired. Not sure what to expect of the coming couple days. My stepmom really upset me today and I almost took pills. But I didn't.
This is my first post ever, and I have been inspired and supported by this site more than you can imagine. I am on my 16th day clean after going cold turkey from 9 to 18 a day for a year and a half. (Before that I was at anywhere from 3-8 a day for another year). I was never someone with any addictive problems, and was introduced to Tramadol by my doctor as a treatment for TMJ. I thought I had found a secret miracle, and it quickly became my secret bliss. It was like energy, total lack of anxiety, and bliss.....or so I thought. To make a very long story short, I finally became a slave to these damn pills and lost all personality and humanness. I "thought" I was doing so amazing, but now that I am off I can see that I was NOT doing so amazing. I just thought I was. I was really a vegetable that was destroying her liver and her family. The first 5 days were crummy...but I told my husband on my first day cold turkey and he supported me....to be honest, not enough at times, but just fine. I had to be the one making the choice to quit.....no one else can do it for you. I was "busted" once before and that only made me more determined to use. It was 6 months later that I made the choice for myself. And, interestingly, I thought I was being all clever and secretive, but my husband knew all along. He just knew that I had to make the choice for myself. I was sooooo deceived by this damn drug...I thought I was so smart and clever! I used Rylands Leg Cramps (I couldn't find the Restless legs formula) and I used Nyquil after the 6th day. Nyquil really works. I know it is sort of gross, but it works, I am a 32 year old mother of 2 young children. I fell down...but I got back up. You can too. It honestly isn;t that hard to get off this stuff!!!! It just seems like it! I am not depressed...I do not have physical symptoms anymore! And I am going out tonight to a party and then out dancing. On tramadol I wouldn't have done that...because I'd rather be alone zoned out on my couch. Please contact me if you need support....
Welcome HJayne. Glad you've joined us. I am only at the end of my 5th day, so it is hard to read "it's not that hard getting off this stuff". I'm glad you have reached a point where you can say that, but honestly, for me, I never want to forget how hard this past week has been. It has been life altering, good and bad. Bad in that the trust my husband had in me has been lowered and the w/d was the worst physical and emotional experience I've ever had. Good in that I feel like I have a new outlook on life with clearing eyes.
I have gone through alcohol w/d and hydro and oxy w/d before, and nothing was ever as bad as tram w/d. I truly believe it is the chemical nature of this drug and the fact that it is deceptively "safer and milder" than other pain meds. It creeps in your life smoothly and slowly and then takes over.
Do any of you wake up and almost feel anxiety before opening your eyes? While my extreme physical withdrawls have subsided, I am suffering with serious ebbs and flows with my mood and anxiety. I am trying to so hard to be happy and positive with my sweet children and not to think too much about going back to work on Monday, but it is very hard. I'm just feeling down tonight. Sorry to be so negative. It's hard.
I am wishing all of you a restful night as we all continue our journey at the various stages of recovery.
Sara- it is HARD....you are doing a great job and a great thing. There are a few moments of brightness even in the early days of w/d. Embrace them. Look into the mirror gaze deeply into your unveiled eyes, Honey. You are free...
sometimes I really miss my 'blankey' ....it is hard...
I work hard to replace the components that I felt Tram did for me...I guess I identify them by my feelings off the drug, as well as those times I have a craving....then it is time to get to work...plenty of resource out there for us...a Universe that will ALWAYS conspire with us toward Freedom....another Unbound Soul that is what you are!!!
SLEEP WELL (as you can)
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
I don't know if anyone will actually read this or if I am just sending it out into the abyss but I figured it was worth a try. So, here goes: I had cancer in college and developed an out-of-control addiction to opiates (Darvocet, Vicodin and Percocet, mostly but really anything I could get). It ruined my life and I ended up dropping out of school and going through an inpatient methadone program. I was sober for a few years, finally had gotten my life back on track and was pregnant and ecstatic in 2008. But, something about going to doctors offices and hospitalsall the time was extremely triggering for me. Even now, I found myself typing out "I started to suffer from severe migraines" but you know what? I didn't. No one in the world knows that, not even my husband who is my best friend. Being in that environment made me remember how easy it was to say "it hurts" and get pretty much whatever I wanted. I told myself that since I was pregnant I didn't have to worry about getting addicted again or taking any of the really hard stuff because I wasn't going to do that to my baby so I could hustle my doctors for just a little bit of "candy". And, voila, Tramadol. Non-narcotic, not a controlled substance, non-addictive, the miracle cure, right? I read THIS VERY FORUM after it was prescribed to me and went "oh, sweet if all these people are addicted then it must give you at least a nice little buzz, right?". So, I took it very conservatively while pregnant and then just went nuts with her after I had it. It was obviously easy to get as much Ultram as I wanted when I had just had a baby, so I did- doctor shopping, altering scripts (loved it when they forgot to circle the number of refills and I could just do that myself) etc. But, since Tramadol never got me really effed up like a true opiate, it didn't really occur to me that I was an addict again. I remember saying to myself one morning as I pushed the baby in the pram to the grocery store: "Tramadol saved my life". I had so much energy and I didn't have that nagging "nothing is fun without pills" nuisance in the back of my head (it had never really gone away though I had been sober for years). But, I only remember feeling that kind of actual high or happiness a handful of times. I had specifically been told that this was a non-addictive drug so when it quickly stopped getting me high, I stopped taking it. (This happened about 7 months ago) Within 24 hours, I was experiencing the ******* death spiral that is Tramadol withdrawal. My entire body spasmed and ached, I was so beyond Restless Legs or even Restless Body Syndrome, my whole body bucked like I was having mini-seizures over and over. Freezing cold and sweating, as soon as I would cover myself with blankets, I would be burning hot. Diahhrea, vomiting and deep muscle and back pain so bad, I was literally screaming. My husband, of course, rushed me to the ER where I reported all of my symptoms but still refused to tell the dr. what I knew (that it was Tramadol withdrawl because I had been taking between 30-45 50 mg. tablets a day and had c/t the day before). They gave me 4cc of morphine and I was still in thrashing agony so I finally just fessed up. The doctor was extremely skeptical that it could be a Tramadol withdrawal making me that sick but he gave me a dose and within 20 minutes I was asleep. I left the hospital with a prescription for more and an admonition to stop taking excessive amounts. Unfortunately, all that really changed after that was that I had to start hiding that I was taking it from my husband, or at least how much of it I was taking. I had to start lying and sneaking around, switched all my Rxs to pharmacies in walking distance so I could pretend I was just taking the baby for a walk, etc. My daughter turned one a few weeks ago and I just decided that I was done with the lying and the sneaking around. Even massive amounts of Tramadol don't give me any kind of side effects or "high" anymore, they just keep me from getting sick. So, 2 weeks ago I started cutting down from 800+ mgs. I have had lower back pain, some light nausea and fatigue. I have had times where my body started screaming at me in the night and I flailed around for a few minutes and had to get up and take more than I had scheduled myself to take. I cut ties with my doctor so getting more is not an option at this point which is what I need to commit to this. The worst part is having to deal with it in secret, feeling like hell but wanting the man sleeping beside me to know. Today, it is 9 pm and I have taken 1/2 of a pill, 25 mg. I have 3 pills left which I plan to ration in tiny slivers over the next couple days and then I am FREE AT LAST. I feel like a million bucks. Just smoked 1/2 a joint of medical and very legal marijuana and I feel like a million bucks. We'll see if I'm still singing the same song when I have to go to 0 mg. :)
If anybody actually read this, thanks and congrats everyone on all your clean time. Can't wait to join you. Anyone who ended up here because they Googled "Tramadol abuse" to see if they could get high- no, not really and it's not worth trying. Go smoke a joint instead. You'll thank me later.
LongBeachMama, Your well articulated and heart felt description of the life of a tramadol junkie will be read by thousands...and no doubt encourage others to see that none of us is alone...none unique in either the way we slipped into tramadol or our journey to break free.
I can hear your determination through the "interwebs". You will no doubt have some difficult days ahead of you, but you CAN get through this. Withdrawal won't last forever. There is an ending to what you must be feeling now. Hugs and best wishes.
Others will be along to share their own experience, strength and hope with you.
Booba, Congratulations on your 3 months. You rock!
Courage Strength and Hope to all Tramadol Warriors,
Thank you so much for responding. There is so much catharsis in having told my deepest, darkest secret to someone and knowing that I'm not just arbitrarily typing words that will never be read. The w/ds are getting bad but luckily my husband is working late and the baby is long since asleep. I have only taken the 1/2 pill all day, mostly because I am terrified of only have 3 left. I just took a Soma and am laying in bed and surprisingly my legs are still and I think I may be able to get some sleep. I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Oh and quick question- someone earlier mentioned Vistaril. This is Hydroxyzine, right? I have a bunch of that crap laying around (it knocks me out like a rag soaked in chloroform so I usually avoid it and have had a bottle for months), is it helpful for some part of this process?
Hope all who are on this journey are finding comfort, however momentary, tonight.
LongBeachMama-wow, I love your honesty! I can relate to much of your post. All of the stories you will read on here are a little different, but it's likely you will be able to connect with many of them which will help you feel that you are not alone in this. We will help you through this and you will see that in turn you are actually helping others too. Sounds cheesy, but it is true!
Good to see you out there Fred! How are YOU doing? Miss reading your posts..they are always inspiring and thoughtful.
Sara-I agree with 4leaf. It IS hard and for some it is harder than others. I am with you on that. You can do it, you can. Keeping super busy helps, but not overdoing to the point of exhaustion...
hjayne-welcome! Glad you are doing well. That's amazing that you feel this well at this stage after 9-18/day for a year and a half. You are lucky! Keep posting.
4leaf-how are you doing? I LOVE reading your posts. It's like getting a ((warm hug))
I was thinking yesterday that I've never been addicted to anything before Tramadol. BUT, then I thought again and maybe I was or am. I used to run 10-15 miles/day and if I didn't, I would punish myself by running more the next day. I was in a cycle of allowing myself to eat as much as I wanted, but then having to "burn" it off. It was very hard on my body, but I kept it up for almost a decade. Then came along Tramadol...
One thing I liked about Tramadol was the control I had over hunger. I could go all day with no food and eat one meal at dinner time and hence not have to run those long miles everyday to maintain my very low weight. I have always been on the small side, (5'4and range between 107-112lbs), and have a need to stay that way by controlling my food intake and exercise output in some form or another. I have never weighed more than 120lbs, but have been as low as 89lbs(yikes!!). So, I guess what I am saying is, I've had "issues" before becoming addicted to trams and it occured to me that these issues are related to eachother. That feeling of control that the tramadol gave me...I do miss it. Bye-bye blankey, right, 4leaf? I find myself wondering, why can't I just be a normal person and have control over myself??!! Why so extreme in everything I do??! Eat when hungry and exercise in moderation. Simple, right? NOT! Ugh.. Now that I am almost completely drug free, I find I am hungrier and have gained those few lbs that I lose everytime I start taking tram and its hard to deal with. I have lost that tram control and may eat to "feel better" instead of just to eat because Im hungry. I know, I know, this is the most rediculous thing to be concerned with, but it is so hard. The only thing that helps is exercising more and more and I can see how THAT addicition is starting to rear it's ugly head again...slowly but surely. I don't want this out of control feeling to rule me anymore, or to tempt me into going back to trams!! How can I break the cycle?
Sorry to ramble, but I dont talk to anyone about this stuff, and it feels safe here. Thanks for listening.
For those of you who told me how easy it is to catch a cold while going through w/d, wow, no joke. I woke up this morning, morning 6, and have a completely stuffed nose, head congestion, etc. My daughter had a little cold recently, so I know I caught it from her. My immune system is really low, so I guess I should have expected that. I shouldn't complain. It's still better than day 2 and 3 w/ds. ANYTHING is better than that. Dear God.
LongBeachMama - I read every word of your post, and can relate very well. I, too, have lied in various ways to various people to get the pain meds I desperately wanted. You are not alone.
I don't want to be looped out, totally high, etc. I just want the super-happy, superwoman, all at peace feeling. I know I have to chase the endorphins on my own now, from natural means. It was just so easy to deal when I had a quick fix. That's not life.
I woke up this morning with anxiety and of course the cold symptoms, but I am okay. I am glad to be clear and here with my children. They are so wonderful, busy and playing while I type this. Maybe one day I will tell them all about this past week, and the weeks to come. One day.
Could any of you share your first day back to work after the w/d and getting clean? I am so worried about monday.
Bode..you sound pretty normal to me.Half the population of the western world is out of control only because we are told we are.We are bombarded with visions of what we should look like and if we don't look like the people in the magazines,we are made to feel guilty.Like it's our fault that we inherited a certain body type and happen to live in a world of plenty
In my opinion,that is one of the main reasons people take drugs either legal rxs or illicit..to escape from their real or perceived weaknesses and failures.Antidepressants,diet pills,sleeping pills,nerve pills....all crutches for our modern lives.
The main reason most women smoke is to keep their weight down.They are willing to risk their lives to keep thin.I see women smokers dying in their 50's all the time.
I think the best way to keep your weight under control is to set a realistic weight for your age and determine not to go above it.If you see yourself creeping up...slow down on eating and exercise more.Easy to say huh.
In this society one is made to feel fat or unfit unless one looks like a model or an extreme athlete.
Anyways,I think thin older women look older,not younger.One needs about 10 more pounds on an older body to look good.
I am 5ft5 and weigh 155 and strive for 150 or under.At the moment I am also watching my diet and limit it to 1200-1400 calories a day.I am by no stretch overweight but one has to use self control sometimes.
I quit smokin 28 years ago and gained about 10 lbs.To me it was a good tradeoff and I was ok with that.
I guess what I am saying is..Most people are not in control of their food intake and very few people eat only when they are hungry in our society.
Stop feeling so guilty and don't be so hard on yourself.
Set your goals and expectations at a realistic level and you can attain them.
Don't let a little weight gain cause a relapse.You can tackle the weight later.
Everybody feels out of control to some degree.
Keep posting and feel good about your accomplishments so far girl..
Hi all the highest dose of Tramadol I can take now is 37.5 to 50 mg. Any more than that, and I feel terrible anxiety. Withdrawal from this dose involves a day or two of listlessness and mild flu-like symptoms. Since I'm very active and exercise a lot, I sleep about the same with a tab of Tylenol at night. Prior to this, I was on a 3 tab a day habit, still very active but losing weight, which I didn't like. I was definitely addicted. Coming off I felt terrible, like I had the flu. Even though I felt bad, I forced myself to work out. For the next few nights, I hated to go to bed. Restless legs drove me crazy. I have to say, without equivocation, it was the worst symptom of withdrawal. Now I go on and off small doses for indefinite periods when I have a big project to complete and need extra motivation. You see, I am severely hypothyroid, and even on 200 mcg of Thyroxine a day, it's not always enough. Tramadol does not make me sleepy at all, quite the opposite in fact, and helps equalize my energy levels. Perhaps the anxiety at higher doses is a godsend. I read that site on Yahoo that said this drug wasn't addictive, and I do not believe those people took it long enough or at high enough doses to know firsthand; they are just mouthing the official drug-company propaganda. One supplement that may help you here greatly is coenzyme Q-10, It did me. And after you are cold turkey for a day or two, try Saint John's Wart (not before due to the possibly of a serotonin flood). One more thing: exercise, exercise, EXERCISE if you are able. Hope this helps. Best wishes to all.
Thanks pharma, Bode, chessgame and sara-- here we are, another day, huh?
I enjoy the discussion about weight, eating and women. I have always NEEDED to be thin. It wasn't a preference or a goal....it was deeper than that...the things I will say to myself when I look in the mirror and see myself "up" are not nice, no--not nice at all....it is a part of my illness..the addictive part of me....
frankly when my life was 'way out of control' back in the day....being thin was about the ONLY thing I felt good about in myself....even though those days are behind me...I still have this 'thing' about being thin
I eat pretty well...man, the sugar drive was VERY HIGH while on the tram....now I do better with my choices.
I saw the movie Precious last night....she is one BEAUTIFUL woman
I guess beauty IS as beauty DOES huh?
or rather as it says in The Little Prince....it is only with the heart that one can see rightly....what is essential is invisible to the eye..........
I am going to pray to be focused on the essentials...
Bode....you are lovely
thanks for your courage and openess
you help me so much (and I have NO IDEA what you look like or weigh...I am eternally grateful)
STAY STRONG ALL
Hey guys, thanks for reading and answering. Last night was really difficult and painful for me, finally around 3 am knowing I only had a few hours until the baby woke up, I had to get up and take another pill. So, that put me at 50 mg, 1 pill for the day. Not good since I only have 1.5 left now. But, it's 1:30 pm and I haven't taken any since 3 am and I feel okay. Not 100%, my back is killing me and I'm really tired and dizzy but also not as horrific as I have felt when I went cold turkey in the past (and at the end of every month when I would be forced to severely taper due to eating a month's worth of pills in a few days and having no options for early refills despite having multiple prescriptions).
Sara- you asked about going back to work after having w/d, even though I am currently a stay-at-home mom, nobody in my life knows that I am going through this so in some ways, I feel like I have "days back to work" all through this process. I am tapering which is less physically and emotionally intense and doesn't have the same soul-sucking death spiral of hellish malaise as much as going cold turkey did BUT I still have to rise every morning at 5 and care for my family- be strong enough to cook and clean and play and sing and make love like everything is normal while in nearly unbearable pain (accompanied by the frustration and guilt of having known that I did this TO MYSELF AGAIN). You would be surprised how supportive people are if you just upfront about being ill. They don't need to know why are you feeling that way, just be honest about how you are feeling "I'm sorry I am having excrutiating back pain, bear with me if I'm slow today, I'm doing my best". They will respect you for still putting forth so much effort despite your pain. I've literally done it FOR YEARS. In fact, I was able to take massive amounts of pills in front of anyone and everyone because it was so known that I had medical issues but about half the time that I was visibly ill in front of people (besides when I had cancer and this whole nightmare started) it was because I was either catatonically and vomitously stoned on pain pills or because I was withdrawing from/tapering off of pain pills.
When I type these things out, I really what madness all of this is and it strengthens my resolve to make sure this is the last time I ever feel this way. Sara, I hope you get lots of rest and comfort this weekend and that your workday on Monday makes you feel accomplished and proud. At very least you will be able to rid yourself of the anxiety and anticipation once you just do the damn thing and confront your boss/work.
Sara- my first day of work was tough but I MADE IT...and I have made it everyday since. On that day I wore long underwear under my clothes, I was so chilled. Everyone knew I had 'been sick' and they were VERY NICE to me. It was a good feeling....since I am always SO STRONG and get more work done than anyone else...I began to realize that I had often set myself apart from others in these ways...I felt humbled and grateful....and saw my co workers (and boss) whom I have always enjoyed and appreciated--- in a new light....like I was maybe just one among many...that I was a part of a team...
It was nice and I have enjoyed a new attitude and outlook since then...hope you enjoy your weekend and that your Monday goes relatively smoothly for you
Welcome LongBeachMama- we are glad you are here---your posts are wonderful!! You express the agony of addiction so well....you are not alone
I admire your courage and strength
KEEP GOING WARRIORS YOU ARE LOVED
LongBeachMama - I think you may have mentioned English is your second language. I'd never know it. You articulate beautifully. Thank you for your kind words. Knowing I have to go back on Monday doesn't help the anxiety, but you are right ... I just have to go FACE it. DEAL with it. I do plan on just letting everyone know that I am going through a physical and emotional spiral right now, and I work with very kind, special, bright people. It's not really their reaction I'm stressed about. It's ME. It's been a while since I've faced the daily stressed without a crutch. What if I just break down? What if I physical gets wiped? Can you tell I have gen anxiety disorder? I've lived my life worrying about life before anything happens. My therapist tells me that is one of the cores of my problem.
Yesterday was actually a better day than today. I had it in my head that each day would be better and better, but I know this is a journey, a process. It will go up and down. Today was down. I pray tomorrow is more up, for ALL of us.
You can ramble all you want...many people do and many have made it through on their own with only this site to help them.
It would be a lot easier for you if your spouse knew,but your choice is respected here and we will help you get through this.I do understand that having cancer is an absolutely frightening experience and taking pills to make one cope seems acceptable in this situation.
Are you in constant pain or do you have rebound pain from the tramadol,because it does cause massive rebound pain.
When that pain subsides perhaps you could take an antidepressant instead of large amounts of tramadol.
At least this way you eliminate the opiate part and are only taking the antidepressant .But all antidepressants have side effects and are difficult to stop.Wellbutrin seems to be the least difficult to stop but still can be hard.
But if you want to stop all drugs we will help you and you need the vitamins and nutrition to build your strength to fight another big battle.You fought a big battle with cancer and you can win the battle against tramadol if you want.
Thanks guys. I would say so much more if I didn't have only a few minutes on the computer's battery and I am much to afraid to visit this site on a family shared computer! I wish I would have found this forum earlier, I think I am in the home stretch. I was able to taper because I no longer have any desire for the taking of the pills of Tramadol. This bottle has been my enemy, not my temptation and for that I am luckily. When I can no longer bear the pain of the withdrawals, I take what I need but quite unhappily. This is something I have told no one in years: No, I have no pain that is not related to withdrawals any longer. Once I am free from this, I should be pain free as well. It is 4pm here and I have taken ZERO TRAMADOL ALL DAY! Also something I have not said in at least a year. I know I may need to tonight and will not shame myself if I do need but will not take more than 1/2 of the pill of 50 mg. A few things that may be helpful to anyone just starting a taper or struggling with withdrawals is that in my experience migraine tablets have been very helpful, Tylenol has amazing painkilling capabilities (regardless of what we told to the doctors to get "better" pain pills) and the caffeine helped me immensely between tapered doses. Also, not to get graphic but sex is really helpful, too. It is a great way to exercise while getting your mind off of the pain. Even in the earliest days when I felt less sexy than ever, it helped so much. (if you don't have a partner, trust me, you don't need one. that, um, works too. (what? i was desperate to feel better! haha))
Glad to see so many posts since I've been away for 2-3 days. Seems everyone is doing well. 4leef, I'm having some depression now as well. I'm having some cravings. I don't know why. Seems like WD would make someone never want to look back after coming through. It just feels so good to wake up in the morning and not be feeling WD. It was an every morning thing for me until I took my dose. It's a blessing to wake up feeling "normal" and not running to the medicine cabinet for relief. But now I deal with daytime tiredness and lethargy. I'll take that over severe WD anyday.
Got another addiction I'm about to try to kick. Nicotine. I don't smoke, but in 2007 I was in a check-out line and noticed that dip now comes in clean and easy-to-use pouches. I purchased a can. Why? I don't know. I like how it came in clean and sophisticated pouches. Put one in when I got to the car. Half a mile down the road I was hit with intense dizziness. Had to find a parking lot and lay the seat back. LOL. I had never touched a cigarette or nicotine-containing product in my life and never dreamt nicotine was so powerful. Been addicted ever since. And I have always noticed WD if I had gone more than 5 hours without a pouch.
If I can come off of tramadol cold-turkey, I believe I can do it with nicotine. I need to. Dip can cause mouth and throat cancer. In each can there are almost 20 pouches. I can easily go through one or, even two in a day. I know we are talking about tramadol here, but just wish me luck on this. I have a few pouches left for tonight, then tomorrow it's nicotine CT. I heard quitting nicotine is a nightware, but let's face it; if someone can quit tram CT, nicotine can't be too bad to quit.
Hi all - it has been a while since I posted. I still keep up with the posts every few days.
I have been tram free for over 2 months now. My back is giving me problems - but I am finding other ways to deal with it. I have been referred to a pain specialist for addicts - so will see if that gives me any more ideas.
I think the hardest part for me right now is getting on with life. The addictions was my life - then getting off it was. Now I am a bit lost. I am catching up on my work - slowly cleaning up the mess I had made over the last number of years - but I am finding it tough to shake the "now what feeling"
I don't feel great - I guess I expected to get my energy back and have this great zest for life once my system was cleared out and that is just not the case. I find myself almost waiting, wishing for that feeling, that warm, feel good energy that came with early tram use (or other pain meds).
The horror of where I ended up - the money I spent, the tram fog for years - tapering off 25 per day, the withdrawal - still hang large over me - so I am not looking to relapse. But I fear this may be where I am headed.
I know being tram free is the the answer - I need to figure out how to live life, move ahead, find pleasure without it.
It's the addict in me - instant gratification - I want to feel better now. I want years of addiction to disapear and pretend like they never happened - that I know how to cope with life on life's terms - and that is not the case. So how do I start to face the reality? Stop pretending it is done is over and realize there is still work to be done?
Looks like I need to be spending more time on this forum - reading and posting.
Probably not so good but when I decided to take tram again, I promised that I wouldn't take more than 3/4 tab (37.5 mg), and take at least one day off EVERY week. Pretty well stuck to that dose, never higher than 50 mg, but haven't been a good boy about taking the day off. Occasionally I do, and feel a bit listless. I generally go 48 hours without tram. After my coffee on the second day feels like I can get through, since the nights are not too bad on that dose. No leg jitters. If I run out, I don't feel panicked. If I don't take a tab before 1 or 2 pm, I don't want it (too close to bedtime and it will keep me up). Still trying to decide if tram is the devil. It definitely was for me at 150 mg a day--and I'd never been prone to addiction with anything before. At 53, I realize I'm more prone, but always seem to be able to quit stuff before I go to far, even when suffering is involved. After taking a day or 2 off from tram, the warm blanket feeling lasts much longer once it's resumed. I like codeine, but the high doesn't last as long, though the euphoria is more profound. Codeine doesn't make me sleepy either. I noticed I do not like drugs that make me sleepy--not unless it's bedtime. I think I'd tend to be a 'tweaker,' if anything, lol. Remember that movie with Val Kilmer?
Good to hear from you newway..I know what you mean about that warm feeling and looking forward to it.That was my fear when I first quit the codeine....that I would never have that to look forward to...however,I blocked that thought out of my mind and decided that I did not need it.It's weird,but I find that i get a warm feeling from my tylenol extra strength when they kick in...not that energy producing high of opiates,but that warm feeling of relief when the pain subsides and my feet stop throbbing.I am happy to settle for that feeling.I guess that is why I don't crave the opiates.
Newway,you have to keep stressing the positives in your life and concentrate on that instead of what you don't have and what you missed.I am sure there are many good things in your life now and one of the best is your clean life
Look forward and just think about the wonderful year ahead of you.It had a great start.
Sendin cyberhugs your way.
Good morning everyone! At least it's morning where I am.
I am on day 7. Sigh. I feel relieved to have made it this far, but with a cold and the anxiety of starting work tomorrow, I wish I felt better. Last night was the first night I didn't take Xanax or Ambien before bed. I woke up a lot during the night, but always went back to sleep. It was just really choppy. I feel tired this morning and am thinking I need to take something tonight so I feel more rested for work tomorrow. Thanks to those of you who responded to my work questions - 4leefclover and LongBeachMama. You both gave me a touch of confidence. I rarely think about myself on a team and am just always very competitive and looking for ways to break free from the pack.
I feel that when I return it will be more about admitting when I CAN'T do something, asking for help, and just keeping my head above water and positive. This period will slow me down, and I truly believe I need that. I can make my way up the latter when my well-being and spirit are stronger. That is NOT now.
Howcouldiknow - I don't think you should even think twice about talking about nicotine on the tramadol website. We are all addicts and addiction is addiction is addiction. Just because tramadol is the current major issue for all of us doesn't mean we haven't been addicted to other things in our past and will be in our future.
I truly believe we all will always be addicted to something, simply because we have addictive personalities. Caffeine, work, exercise, food, sleep aids, sex, etc. It's all relative. Some addictions are healthier than others, but all can become extreme. I remember in college I began running so much that I was constantly getting injured and ended up unable to even walk aerobically for 6 months. It was horrible. It's always something with me. Going head to head with the tram has been work with me, and they played beautifully together until they didn't. I needed the extra energy to keep up the pace at work, and the tram gave me that, in a deceptive way. It's so twisted.
Pharma9 - I'm glad you get the warm feeling from Extra Strength Tylenol. I'm glad it subsides your pain. I think you have done a beautiful job of altering your mindset, and I know it has taken you time and work. It doesn't happen overnight. You are inspirational, and I hope to be at that place soon.
I am going to go walk. I do feel, even with a cold, when I exercise. Endorphins, please hit me. I need them!
Have a peaceful, drug free day everyone. I will check in periodically, and I continue to thank God for all of you and this forum.
Good morning Sarah! It's 7:45 here at the beach of California. I woke up feeling fine and actually slept last night, which is kind of a miracle but I did take my last tram last night. So, I guess technically, today will be my 1st day clean. (Though I feel like I shouldn't use that word because I plan to smoke a joint the second the baby falls asleep tonight). Happy Sunday, all. As the mother of a toddler I say a million times a day "Don't eat that- it's dangerous!" that will be my advice for all of us that find ourselves with a pill in hand. DONT EAT THAT!
Oh one more thing I want to say is that even though I know everyone's intentions are good, I think it is best to not respond at all to posts that you didn't actually read. Someone who responded to me was obviously trying to be helpful but also obviously hadn't read my post and ended up telling me that I should get on a new drug rather than take "massive amounts of Tramadol" when I had just said that I had worked really hard for weeks to taper down to what is actually a very small dose (1/2 pill a day) and it was very discouraging for me to read someone imply that I was still taking large doses and probably terrible advice to tell me to begin a new drug when I am so close to free. I think this forum could be very helpful but only if the people who wish to participate are respectful of one another and read each others words and choose our own with care to how fragile we are at this stage in our recovery.
Don't be discouraged, LongBeach, go all the way until you are free. Probably all you need now is coffee, Tylenol (try co-enzyme q-10 if you need energy), exercise, and libido fulfillment to go all the way. :) I think it's important to not beat ourselves up even if we do relapse, and especially not to give up.
Hi,Im new here and have read alot just this morning and i can relate to alot of posts,and I hope this is even the right place to post this,if not im terribly sorry. The thing is I have been sort of (binge) taking tramadol the last 2 years. I have had 2 back operations in the last 2 years and was prescribed Hydrocodone for the immediate period following the surgery and i took way more than I was suppose to (like 100 in 5 days) and while the following 3 days I felt tired and depressed after the 3 days I was back to my old self.
Like i said I binge take this drug,at first I would take my script of 60 in 5 days and at first I would feel no withrawels,and i would stop for a month or so sometimes even up to 6 months. For the last year it has gotten alot worse..I get a script of 180 and go through it now in a week. and my binges now last a month at a time. I have an endless supply from my dr,and have found out my pharmacy even lets me refill these things outragously early!! I quit over the holidays after taking them a solid month of 30 to 40 a day. It was hell a week of no sleep,anxiety 24 hours a day.hot/cold/hot/cold. tired but cant sit still...and what ive found worse than any physical symptoms is the mental(coming out of the fog so to speak)aspect to it.I made it throuh 2 weeks of taking neorontin which seemed to take the phyical and mental effects altogether.during the day at least,nights were still sleepless. I have been taking 30 a day for the last 4 weeks and ran out a little over 48 hours ago,and really felt okay until this morning. Out of desperation I phoned the pharmacy which was closed today and the automated voice said they would be refilled on monday morning(less than 24 hours a day) but Im very leary of getting them because I know even if I got 2000 I will still run out and this is my last refill and my dr will know ive been getting them refilled early If i showed up to his office just 3 months later after he goave me a years supply. My question is if I have made it this far should I just stick it out cold turkey? I think i can handle this as long as it does not get worse. and at 48 hours have I hit the worst part yet?
Tramadont, it seems that you can tolerate a LOT more tram than me. Back when I was taking 150, the nights were the worst for about a week. But everyone is different it seems, so why not just keep going and find out? If you must take small doses, take like .25 tab or whatever to get through, but it sounds like to me if you've gone 2 days already, you can endure the rest. Best of luck to you.
This is my honest advice, take it or leave it. I know (because I have been there) that you probably already have it in your mind what you are going to do. I know I always did. If you are not ready to quit, you won't.
Your withdrawls are going to be bad and taking as much as you did, you are in a dangerous place to go through the w/d without supervision.
Call a rehab and get checked in asap. Let them oversee your w/d with detox. If I could go back to the beginning of this week, that's what I would do. I came clean to my husband and family, and went through it cold turkey. It was total hell, and I think I put my body at risk, and I was only taking 10 a day, on heavy days.
Tell work you have mono - whatever you have to do, but if you really are going to stop, do it with medical help and supervision.
That's my two cents.
This forum has helped me so much. I'm on day 7 and still suffering from lots of anxiety and low, low moods. No energy, etc. But the main physical w/d is over, and I would NOT do it at home again, if I could. I would want to be given meds and hooked up to IVs.
I'm sure others will have different opinions, but I've found that everyone respects everyone on here, and doesn't judge. And I agree with LongBeachMama ... we need to be very careful and gentle wit hone another since all of us are extremely fragile right now.
Good luck, and keep posting, regardless of what you decide. You won't be judged.
Hello Everyone...thank you for being here, for your posts and words of encouagement ...this is such source of comfort in an otherwise crazy world. i am alienating people..family and friends..pretty scary..I relate to the addictive personality. my drug of choice was always food until i had gastric bypass 4 years ago..that is when the tramadol started..as my new stomach could not metabolize the big motrin/advil tablets..small little white football went down too well. and helped me manage my food cravings..exercise a lot, etc. Now..it is not working as well ..with the food unless i increase my tramadol dose..not an option as I am trying to get off ..so i find myself eating more than i should and this scares me more than anything ..overweight all my life..now at a manageable 160..i am 5'5"...i was 275-330lbs a great deal of my adult life...someone suggested that i start with the tramadol ltaper..not worry so much about xanax..i just take this to sleep..and wine in evening to help come down off the trams. i love with elderly parent who is overweight..and wants eating buddy back.so brings in so much food crap into the house..she's not putting gun to my head though and forcing me to eat. my dosage right now is typically 4-5 50mg trams a day..sorry if i am repeating what i have previously posted..feeling very low this morning..not seeing any light..but talking about it out here is better than sitting with all the crap inside me and just taking another pill to deal.
Booba ..heartfelt congrats ..how amazing to hear about your recovery
Bode - thank you for your honest encouraging comments
thanks so all of you ..and the courage it takes to share your stories...bless you all.
im hanging on here
i cannot believe that you were at that dose and you feel okay 48 hours later. honestly, i would expect to get dramatically worse and soon. it always took longer for me to feel the w/d when i had been on larger doses. it took me getting exactly to where you are for me to be able to taper down. i ran out of refills on all 3 tram rxs i had and couldn't tell any of the doctors because it was way way too early. so, i used my last refill plus a box i picked up in mexico to taper knowing that if i didn't, there would be hell to pay. when i was tempted to binge, i remembered how much hell the withdrawal would be if i ran out while my body was still used to the high dose. i know a lot of people on this forum advocate going cold turkey but for me personally, if i knew damn well that i had a refill waiting for me at the pharmacy there is no way i would be able to tolerate w/ds and i know as fact that the impulsive, f*ck the consequences part of me that lead me to eat 100s of pills a week will cause me to run to the pharmacy as soon as the pain gets bad and eat 10-30 pills that first day. so, my personal opinion and what worked for me was to not make myself suffer unnecessarily and just start at the lowest dose i could without pain and draw up a tapering schedule based on how many pills you have left. i would fill the script tomorrow and do that if you feel able. you could even divide the pills according to the schedule into one of those plastic pill organizers so that you don't need to spend your time obsessing and counting. this is just for me what worked, though.
p.s. as always, sorry if this isn't too much making sense. lots of google translate used so some of these words i don't know if they mean the right thing. :)
Also, Sara's advice is exactly how i felt after the first time when i went cold turkey- like i very needed to be checked into hospital with IV and medications but this time, I did a 2 week taper starting from 20 pills a day, went down to 10 the very next day, 9, 8, 7, 6 (got stuck on 6 for a few days b/c i had so much pain if i went to 5) then 5, 4 (stuck on 4 for 3 days), 3, 2, 1 1/2, 1 1/2, 1 and today 0. And I have 0 left so no worries of relapse. I feel fine today except for emotionally. I just yelled at my husband for making the bed and vaccuuming b/c i felt like he was making me feel like failure wife and mom by doing these things by himself. I have told him I have a pinched nerve in my back b/c it was impossible to hide the agony of the back pain past few days. he must think im the really psycho. haha.
Be gentle on yourselves folks. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty and worthless, etc. It id do HARD to do this, and the first 7 days will be horrible. If you tapered, your symptoms shouldnt be as bad. I tapered down from 25 to 12 then went cold turkey. I am 3 months tram free. Newway, I am exactly feeling the same as you. Trying to piece everything back together.....my house, finances, etc. and move on with sobriety. I still get the nagging feeling....often. The where do I go from here feeling is hard to shake, but I guess we will have to take it one day at a time. It is hard though. Be so proud of your accomplishments. Keep fighting warriors.
so wish i could edit instead of leave 3 messages but i think this is funny. my husband asked me how my back feels and i told him i feel like one hundred dollars. he says in english this is not enough dollars to mean i feel nice. one million bucks means i feel good. but, how will i know what one million dollars feels like, i've never had it! i feel nice to have 100 dollars, that is enough for me. so, i think i feel 100 dollars today with no tramadol!
saraEB,th anks for the advice.and yes your very right about what my mind is telling me,Im thinking on one level" hey ive gone 2 days why not just keep off it. then my addicted subscious knows very well i will be at the pharmacy(where by the way im not even 100 percent sure they will refill,but they did last time TERRIBLY early,no questions asked.) I know I am more than likely going to call just to be sure so I dont drive 40 miles just to be told ITS TOO EARLY. .thats not too fun.! I have gone thorugh this withdrawel before,but last time I had the benefite of having ALOT of neurontin on hand and I have found that to be a life saver..but Im out of that as well.took the last bit of the yesterday which could be the answer as to why Im just now feeling the onset.Ive even thought of calling a methadone clinic to see if they treat tram addicts,I know they do for other opiates. but I dont want to get on that either. I have another prescription for tramadol but it will not be refillable till the 16th which is 17 days away,so if this pharmacy will not fill it tomororw,Im screwed and have no chioce.
And thanks longbeachmoma as well. although it is scary to hear..If i get the 100 pill tommorrow,i know I always take 8 after ive been out 2 to 3 days(if not longer) and I feel better in 30 minutes.I even take juice with me leave it in the car and eat them as soon as I get back in the car. I think after a 3 day detox that 8 a day would be enough. although being an addict like I am,Ive already gotten out my calculator and divided how many i will get by 16.(the amount of days till i get 180 more) and its 6. so unless i wont to go through this again the middle of next month I will have to get by on 6 a day.I wont to stop but there is just no end in sight.
Longbeachmama....That was me that posted about taking large amounts of tramadol mainly for the antidepressant effect often rather than the pain relief.The written word sometimes comes out more harsh than the spoken word and I deeply apologize.I did not mean to imply that you were doing that .If I inadvertantly hurt your feelings I am deeply sorry.
there is always a choice! i am assuming if your pharmacy is 40 minutes away, you live in a rural area but you can always tell your doctor or a doctor at an urgent care/walk-in what is going on and get what you need to do a safe taper. i am a little confused though because i think you said that this is your last refill? how will you get 180 more next month if this is your last? anyway, for me and for a lot of addicts, you need to put yourself in a place where more legal refills is not possible without seeking a new dr. tell your doctors or just use up the rxs until you have no choice and then taper. right now, tramadol is just not recognized as a dangerous drug and no methadone treatment program will admit you or even work with you and the methadone would not necessary work anyway. i went to ER in w/ds the last time, was given morphine intravenously and had almost no relief until i was given tramadol itsself. it just works differently as its a synthetic. i was at 20 pills at the end of december, then i took a vacation to mexico and found tramadol in the drugstore over the counter, bought a massive amount and went on a huuuuuuuge binge for the 1st 2 weeks of january. like, took 500 pills in 2 weeks huge. and i was able to taper down to 0 in 2 weeks from there. honestly, it's that counting and obsessing and worrying and then binging anyway and not even enjoying the high cause i was so busy recalculating and trying to convince myself it would still be okay even though i took 20 instead of 6 that day. ugh. aren't you ready to be free from it? there is an end in sight, it's okay to do this slowly if it helps you do it. i knew 2 months ago that i was going to do this and would tell myself everytime i ate handfuls of pills that i was "helping myself get closer to having no rxs left and being forced to wean off". it was a very slow process but it wasn't the hell doing it c/t or dramatically quickly is. i think quitting c/t a few months ago and feeling like sh!t made me a worse addict b/c i was so afraid of feeling it again i started doctor shopping and buying illegally just to avoid ever running out again. you can do it you can do it you can do it!!!
thanks pharma9 my english is for sh!t anyway, so maybe what you said isn't bad and i'm just sensitive little ESL girl. haha. in person, i can wave my hands wildly and curse a lot for emphasis and people understand me most times. here is harder!
Sorry longbeachmama,no I have 3 refills of 100,and 1 refill of 180. I was in error if I said this was my last...i was thinking that if I keep this up I will be out wayyyy ahead of time..my script for 100 is suppose to last 50 days...and I found out last week they would refill it like 5 days later. maybe that was an error on thier part. I dont know..I called the automated system which usually tells you if too early... and it was processed.although that has happened before too and when I went there they said I had to wait one day,but this was lorcet(hydrocodone).
this is not the answer that any addiction or medical professional would ever give you but, for me and my own addict brain, i would need to do one of 2 things either 1)call the dr. or pharmacy and fess up to have the Rxs cancelled (after you have filled one to use for taper, the 180 one would be best) or 2) eat all the pills and taper with the last bottle or 2. Anyone who is an addict can tell you that there is no way you will put yourself through that sh!t if you know there is an option to get more immediately. oh and believe me, i know all too much about wanting to use the automated b/c then its not a person to check the date and call you on it but being so afraid to go there and be disappointed. (i used to call and pretend to be "Mrs. LBMama's secretary calling to check if her Rx is ready, she told me it should be" that way if they said it was too soon I could say "oh ok, she must have made some kind of mistake. sorry." hahaha) anyway, if you do one of those 2 things and force yourself to be left with only a set amount of pills the taper is so much easier. i could never do it when it was possible for me to get more. and this time, its not like i had oh so much willpower and called my dr and confessed the truth, i actually just got so angry at the "office manager" at my drs office who would not approve an early refill as my doctor was out and ended up screaming at her "oh ok i get it youre just a [email protected] secretary, you don't even have the authority to do sh!t for me, so why are you on the phone, i want a medical professional, i need my pills or i will go into extreme crisis withdrawals, any doctor will tell you that, you stupid ****" hahaha, needless to say, i was "fired as a patient" via voicemail the following day. ended up being a great thing!
Well now that I checked the 180 refill no more..Ive already promised that one away to a friend who really need pain medication more than me.and if Im lucky to get the 100 refill tomorrow witch Im really starting to doubt..will have to get me through the whole month. And that is what is so damn bad about this...spending all day worrying whether im getting it or not...Part of me wants to not get it,and I dont feel any worse than I did 6hours ago...just let it be...the last few hours of waiting are the worst part,by 10 am i will be a nervous wreck,unless I make my mind up.this is it..I feel like a dirty dog even phoning in the refill like 2 months early anyways..if they do give it too me.I will at least try to space out my refills by a month rather than 5 days on a script that was suppose to last50 days.And yes I know about being 'fired as a patient although it has been a few years".
i just read emily's 1st journals and now i am so scared. she had tapered down to a super low dose and still had months of horrible withdrawal? it sounds like maybe she is actually allergic to tramadol though. or at least very sensitive. she experienced many symptoms i never felt even when cold turkey from 30 or more pills a day (ugh my translation app keeps telling me the word in English is "deli sandwich" when I write "Cold turkey" in Swedish haha! also tells me you say you are "super b!tch" instead of "dirty dog" this is so funny to me because this is me in Tram withdrawal- "super b!tch"). whatever you decide to do- tramadont93, do it as slowly or in whatever time you needed. it has been a process of months for me, even when i was eating 30 pills day it was honestly part of the process to get me to here, 0 pills today. i knew i needed to finish the Rxs to be ready to taper and I did and I was and I am just hoping to make it through now. Day 1 of 0 tramadol! Hopefully I don't feel like deep fried @ss tonight.
longbeachmama,hopefully you will be just fine..I know I get scared crapless when I read some of these w/d syptoms some have. For me its the worst of course at night after tossing and turning...I mean that makes everyone feel bad,let alone people like us who are coming off of meds. I can take the chills and even the anxiety to a certain point,but If i ever got stomach craps and the such I would be in a far worse off place...well Im coming up on hour 60 soon.Im cautiously optimistic.I guess If i have a hard time sleeping..i will def post here..I wish you all the luck...and IM with you!
td93: ive never had ducks quacking or eye pain or cramps but i definitely have had the 1st way you said it. ugh. nights are the worst. they last 47 years at least and then right when i feel well enough to possibly sleep the [email protected] sun comes out or the baby starts crying and i have to start all over. last night, i took my last dose and slept for a few hours soundly finally (though i woke up being in the foulest mood, my husband took the baby out b/c he couldn't stand to be around me (don't blame him AT ALL). but, i feel physically basically fine still. I don't envy you one bit, knowing that you have a possible refill in the morning, that's a hard decision to make. or for me it would be anyway. i've never said this to anyone with love before but this time i do: i hope to not hear from you tonight at all!
I know what you mean LBmama.I have also found if im in w/d.If i have the house to myself or not makes a ton of difference.Im sort of a loner,and have no kids,and one xmas of 2008 I was in the midst of an awful withdrawel because I had counted on pills coming though the mail only to have them tied up over the christmas break..so I thought having a house full of company would put my mind off of everything.WRONG.i ended up taking sleeping pills which did not work only made me feel even worse,and stayed in my room,where as if Im by myself, at least I can talk myself through it out loud.even if it does make me sound crazy.now I have my parents staying with me,but I have a large house and I can get away without actualy locking myself in my room which I hate to even be in my bedroom while im like this cause It makes me think of the hours i spend there zonked out in "bliss" so to speak. its funny though that even as the sun is begininning to set.i think oh here I go,i keep telling myself maybe it wont be such a bad night...i plan on taking meletonin before I go to bed tonight some nights it works others not so much.
If they actually refill my script of 100,I have already written down at 15 taper..which I may adjust later,and if they dont.I will have hit the 72 hour mark and each day for the first week on c/t I always managed to get myself by reassuring myself "today" is the worst,after you tell yourself that for a few days well you've hit the week mark.my taper is as follows.
days 12-15- 2
after that puts me to when my nearontin arrives via mail prescription around the 16 or 17,if Im feeling sick,the nearontin is like a miracle..in fact in times that I have run out for 2 weeks.i taken albeit high does of neaorontin and it completly masked the withdrawel..and by then I was off the tram,but of course taking that much neaorintin is not fun to stop c/t..but it NOTHING like this..and btw I am feeling worse in just the last 2 hours. but still not too bad. always getting past the 72 hour mark,then 96 was such aa relief even if it dont feel any better.
me too buddy. my back is killing me right now. i have some somas but the other day i took soma and i was so drowsy but still could not sleep at all. it was weird and just uncomfortable and didn't really help anything. i think im going to go smoke a joint in the bathtub. the baby's napping so the time is right. hope you're feeling well. your taper looks good but i am always wary of making pills last until other pills come as a taper. that never works for me. but i have zero willpower when i have pills.
case in point, one of the last days of my taper, i accidentally dropped a pill under the stove and last night i was laying on the floor on my stomach with a chopstick trying to get it out. then i realized i was being ridiculous and stopped but, you see how my head works, if theres a pill anywhere around, im eating it.
omg I know what you mean,this morning i tlooked where i keeep my pills Hopeing and praying i dropped just one,i remember dropping a few,but me and my addict mind picked it right up and ook then im 100 percent sure,but still I looked this morning. i drank last night a few glasses of wine and alchohol always takes away my withdrawel but i do pay for in the morning, but of course i drank the last of it last night,and I live in "dry" sunday... right now Im just having the chills,not so much discomfort,but I have smoked almost a pack of cigs this afternoon...to me the worst part of withdrawel for me,is the not being able to put a finger on any type of ailment,,,,everything just *****!! i pace,when i get tired of sitting,go outside and smoke return to the chair,pace some more..I had a friend who was addicted to percs and methadone,and his withdrawel was like barf!! barf...stomach cramps...barf some more...this is much more hard to try to explain..its not anyone thing..its everything. just god please get me through tonight! i wish you luck...i think i have 2 beers in the fridge it push comes to shove.tonight and I cant sleep I might have to guzzle those before I go to bed.
Wow, so many new posts here since I was last on here Thursday. Amazing.
Congrats all of you for finding this very helpful site. Many have overcome and are still-tram free. I myself am 50 days plus, and if you would've asked me if I could have done it, I would've told you I would rather go to my grave still taking the tramadol.
But, here I am, 50 days out, and feeling great. I wouldn't worry about what people say after their w/d's. The most important thing is getting off of them and doing the whole week of hell thing. It really *****, but you're going to start to feel better each day. Depression is a common factor after w/d. I am on 10 MG lexapro, and I think it's helping, but maybe it's just my general outlook on life that has me feeling so good.
Overall, I just wanted to let you now that getting off is the first step. You'll feel anxious, have depression for a little, but will gradually get back on your feet again. After withdrawal, focus on your mental health. Do stuff that makes you feel alive again... start reading... just keep yourself active. By 30 days I started to feel like my normal self again. By now, I can honestly say I've never felt better. Things are amazingly great, and I'm back to my "superman" self again- something I thought I owed to the tramadol... which was a farce.
Mental health is key to recovery. One thing that helped for me was being honest with my wife about my secret addiction. I also attended a few AA meetings and started to read "The Big Book." I haven't committed to AA, but I think it was a good support group and I think I will continue to pop in.
Just know that this site helped me through my w/d and it will do the same for you. I went from about 10-15 a day cold turkey (since my script ran out) and never looked back. I know the first 3 days were absolute hell and I couldn't get out of bed, but I finally got better and better each day.
So don't worry about other people's posts saying they're still depressed after 50 days, or they're doing awesome at 50 days. It's your life that matters. Step One: Do the W/D. Step Two: Maintain good mental health Step Three: Exercise or do something that keeps you busy. Step Four: ENJOY LIFE for what it's worth.
And if you've gone back and read my posts- cold turkey sucked. I was able to zonk myself out, though with Xanax. For some, I wouldn't recommend it because of the risk of a cross-over addiction, but It seriously made me make it through the first few days and I haven't had to take it since. Others take klonopin. Some severe cases use Suboxone.
I did have about two weeks of mis-adjusted sleep off and on, but was pretty much back to normal after the second week.
Others use melatonin, chamomile tea, hot baths.... whatever works.
As my good friend Forget_me_not once said, it's like you're lost in the woods during w/d and it's only a matter of days before you find your way out to the clearing. Picture that... coming out of a dark woods into a beautiful sun-filled sky, gorgeous clouds, and starting to smell the roses.
Longbeachmama...Yo mama.You have a wonderful sense of humour .Humour and laughing at ourselves helps us get through the difficult times.Humour helps us cope and I enjoy reading your posts.Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.
LBM and Tramadont93 - Reading your posts back and forth were funny. I had a flashback (or 100) of counting my pills and figuring out how many ... which days ... mornings, afternoons, evenings, work items, home items, times of day, etc. We all become so obsessed with chasing this feeling. It is so consuming, and it is just so relieving to know there are others like me.
iwantmyselfback - thanks for your beautiful words. I am on day 7 and had enough energy today to actually clean up and get some bills paid for about 45 minutes and didn't have to sit down to catch my breath. I've been short of breath for the duration of the w/d this past week, so that was wonderful. I am now wiped out and am facing my first day back to work tomorrow, but I know I can do this. I CAN! We all can!
My child looked right into my eyes today and said, "Mommy, you are finally feeling better, aren't you?" Of course, to them Mommy has had the flu, but the way he said it, it was like he knew there was more going on. I'm sure in some deep sense, all of our children know that we are not quite ourselves. They are so intuitive. Ah, to have the joy of a child with no sense of addictions. That is true peace.
I wish all of you a peaceful night. Please keep me in your thoughts tomorrow as I venture back into my job. I have to start saying "no", asking for help, and not trying to be superwoman, but that will be something I learn in time. It won't happen overnight.
wantsmyifeback-thanks for the words of ecouragement,it makes it easier hearing this from some one who knows exactly what Im going through.
and saraEB-good luck on the return to work,I wish I was at your place on day 7,but my time will come.
hope everyone's feeling well. i go back and forth between feeling totally fine and bad back pain but except for that i'm pretty well.
tramadont- hope you feel well tonight and that tomorrow morning goes however you're wanting it to (may be a blessing if you get denied, but probably won't feel like one)
sara- good luck at work tomorrow, lady. just remind yourself that if you can handle tram w/d cold turkey and being a mom, you can handle those motherf*ckers and whatever situation comes your way at the office with ease!
pharma9- yes, yes, laugh at myself, i do it well, you are free to as well. i'm pretty silly most times.
50daydoug- kick @ss man, thanks for the words of wisdom.
it's so weird to find a place on the internet where people are respectful and caring and decent and construct sentences like they have high school diplomas. this place is like the anti-thesis of youtube comment threads and such.
Just wanted to say hi to everyone still suffering. I quit T about 4-5 months ago (3rd week of August). I can say that it took me a good 4 months to finally not think about feeling lousy every day even though things did get very slowly better. I would say, for me, about 5 months is what it took before I no longer think about the symptoms. You know... for some reason, one day you realize that you didn't think about it all day long. I think I had one of those a few weeks ago.. I may not always feel perfect, but I suppose if you're not thinking about it, then you're most of the way there.
I think there are lots of plateaus in recovery. Obviously the first week is bad, then the next few weeks are bad, but less bad, and then you go for a few more months less bad, but still feeling pretty yucky. Around 3 months you reach this plateau where you are mostly feeling ok, but it doesn't change much from day to day for another month or so. And then about month 4, you start to forget to read this site because you didn't even think about it, or you read it every 3-4 days instead of twice daily. :)
Also, everyone is different. I had to take 1 tab/day T3 for a few weeks a month ago for a different problem, but I'm off that now.
my name is tameka and well i was looking for a site that i could get on and kinda journal and find some support, i have had some health issues that result in nothing but physical pain, it all started with this right sided belly pain, went to the doc and he said i had chronic pelvic pain ( knowing i have had cyst that ruptured) so i went along with it . needless to say i had surgery to so-called fix that problem. i still to this day have that pain, doc put me on norco . for a while it worked but now the pain is so strong that the pain meds are not working as well , that diag. was 3 years ago and i been on this pain med for that long, i wish this pain would just go away and i can stop the meds , i fear that my tolorance level is almost sky high . does anyone have any ideas on what i could do for this pain and not rely on the norco?
Welcome. 800 MG Ibuprofren is always good for pain, or something else over the counter. As for your pain on your right side, you might want to get a doctor to get a second opinion. For three years I had a dull- achy pain in my right side. Sometimes it felt like someone was just grabbing me really hard on my side and squeezing. Went to my general doctor who thought it might be gallstones, so he went and had an ultrasound done. Nothing. He just said basically it might be a recurring muscle spasm, but I knew differently. I wasn't prescribed pain medications for this (that addiction came years later as a stupid result of not having insurance and purchasing them online- but read my other posts if you want those details).
Anyways, I finally after another year or so of dealing with this pain went to another doctor who had a gallbladder drain scan procedure done, and sure enough, that was the problem. Apparently my gallbladder wasn't draining properly which was causing the pain. If you still have your gallbladder, you might want to consider checking this out.
I'm not a doctor, but I know this pain that I had for a couple years drove me NUTS, and everyone thought I was just crazy... but I've been good ever since they removed my galbladder.
IT is almost 7 am. and I am hitting the 72 hour mark cold turkey. I cant believe I sqeeked out 7 hours of sleep,albeit not alltogether. I took 800 mgs of Ibeprofin which I think probably contributed to this.. I went to sleep at 9 pm and and woke up 5 minutes after the top of the hour,but i rolled over and fell back asleep.woke up at 3 got up ate some left over bbq,smoked and hoped and prayed I could fall back asleep. and yes I did until 630. I hate to complain because usually is cold turkey w/d sleep is very hard to come by even 3 hours. but I sweated alot,to the point of my sheets being soaked and had chills very bad.Im even drinking coffee right now just to warm up,something I never do.
One thing I have noticed since i stoped on friday morning Im not (i know this is not a savory topic) butim not urinating often and when I do its very dark in color.Im drinking plenty of juice.but I only had to get up once in the night.I know when this happened back in december when i stopped cold turkey as well. I rememeber when I first started taking tram it was that way but the more I took it it went back to normal. now its the opposite. I am more than a little appreahesive to find out if Im getting the refill to do the taper,but still im glad that at 72 hours im still functioning and not as bad as I have been through in the past.I know when im in w/d I always feel relief when I see the sun come up. I still cant get past the fact i slept almost till sunrise.
yeah, last night was not pretty for me. i really thought that since i tapered down to such a low dose before having my 1st day completely tram free (yesterday) that it wouldn't be so bad but wow, last night sucked. i was thrashing around so bad i came out to the couch so i wouldnt wake the hubz. couch was too small to contain my thrash so i ended up getting a few sweaty hours of sleep. i feel okay now but i always do in the morning so that doesn't mean sh!t. now i'm just trying to figure out if i can handle taking care of the baby alone all day.
im sorry to hear that, im scared too that even if i do taper thar will happen to me aswell. i hope you have an okay day..I did get my refill but honestly still feeling crappy cause now Ive actually accepted this problem is not going away until I do something about it...well anyhow i really hope you get to feeling better!
Sorry I have been really busy. Sad to say that I relapsed Saturday, but have been clean since then. Yesterday was hard, my grandma gave me valium whick took the edge off for a bit, but not worth puting more drugs into my system. I sleep which is great.
Anyone reading this: For those having a hard time sleeping you should go to Wal-Mart and in the vitamin section for $3.50 you can buy CALMS FORTE made by Hylands, its homeopathic. It works, and its safe, non addictive, no side effects. I have been using this stuff since Ambien quit working for me about a year ago. I had terrible insomnia. It also works to take during the day for nervousness and restlessness. Take it before you eat...it works better. It's worth a try!
Today I feel less agitated, and when I do I run in place for a few minutes or I do pushups, it takes the edge off. I'm going to do this! Tapering isn't going to work for me, but my highest dosage was never that much anyway for it to affect my sytem in a dangerous way. Yes, my fiance took my pills yesterday, and no I havne't told my mom, it would break her heart, she's better off not knowing. I still don't know if I am pregnant, but maybe in a few days.
Yes, doctor's have prescribed Tram to pregnant women. I had an employee who was pregnant with her first child and she asked me about the saftey of it before she picked it up from the pharmacy. I think that the doctors here are well....they leave a lot to be desired :).
Hope you're all hanging in there whatever phase you are in. I really do think of everyone on here and wonder where you are and how you are. It's amazing how close I feel to people Ive never met..
LBM and Tramadont-your back n forth posts remind me of how obsessive I was about trams. Counting, wondering, counting, worrying. Endless. LBM, I feel for you with the lack of sleep and taking care of a baby-it's so hard. You will make it through this, I promise.
Sara-how was your first day back at work? Ive been thinking of you! You have a great attitude. Keep going, you can do it.
Wantmyself-good to see you're doing well. Thanks for your encouraging thoughts for everyone.
4leaf and paharma-how are you guys doing? Thinking of you. Keep posting.
As for me, I am down to 1mg of sub/day and been off tram for 20 days I have very little w/d from tapering off of the sub(thank god!). The most important part of my recovery this time around, is that I am seeing a doctor who is monitoring me. I see her once a week and she has been amazing. I am very happy being in therapy through this since nobody knows of my addicition to trams and trying to quit alone is so difficult-I knew I couldn't do it without help this time. Having you all to vent to is also an amazing gift and I will always be grateful.
By talking to my doctor, I am starting to see patterns in my life that have led me to take trams and I hope this will help me to understand what the triggers are and what the underlying problems may be and hopefully this will prevent me from relapsing. I am determined to stay clean this time!
hi bode! i was wondering how sara's morning at work was going as well. i realized really early this morning that day 2 off trams it is not a good idea for anyone involved for me to be caring for the baby alone. so, she was sent off to grandmas and i got to look a wreck and whine about how ill i am and how sorry everyone should feel for me. grandma said she will back later with homemade chicken soup for my "flu". hurray! just being able to lie in bed has made me feel so much better. its funny how i have absolutely zero desire for pills of any kind right now. me being me, i have an entire bootcase filled with assorted pharmaceuticals (somas, percocets, phenergan etc. no trams) and i don't want any of them. i've taken immodium and vitamins and excedrin migraine and i'm just riding the death spiral out. i want to remember being here in case i get any big ideas about eating handfuls of pills again. my big ideas are usually terrible ones.
hope everyone feels well today. tramadont- now that you have your refill, i don't expect to hear from you (not being negative, just honest), thanks for the support these past couple days, i needed it badly. i really hope when you are ready i hope you do this however it works for you. counting and obsessing and vegging and hoping your [email protected] parents dont come knock on the door cause you're too high/dopesick to deal with them- aint no way to live. for me at least.
Hi! I am 20 days cold turkey from 9-18 pills per day and realized that that period represented 180 pills (as I was normally 9 per day) and about $130! It was amazing how fast I ran through the pills and how much I was spending and STRESSING over getting more every 20 days. I used to always take my dose before the kids got home from school around 4 o'clock. (Horrible...I know). I thought it made me more relaxed, cheerful and playful. I do get a little anxious from time to time...but not nearly as bad as I thought. Thank you to everyone for your posts and contributions as it is the only way I was able to get through this. I miss the instant "escape" of the pills sometimes, but feel much more free now. The gross sweats gave finally left and I feel like I have detoxed from the t. I do have stomach discomfort a lot...I don't know why. It is weird. and tonight will be my first night not using nyquil for sleep. I hope I can sleep without it. I started taking it when the insomnia had become too much to bear. Kids due home any sec...gotta go. Hang in there everyone in the early days...it gets sooo much better!!!
Love your quote LongBeachMamma: "these first 4 days are a [email protected]"- man you said it right. I'm now 55 days clean... who would've thought! But your quote is soooo true. I thought I was possesed by the devil I kid you not. The sweating, the restless legs/body, the overall AGONY and feeling like death was just around the corner... all because of Tramadol. Hard to believe, isn't it?
Yet, when I look back at how I, too, like so many of you, would count down and pray my next refill would come, or go to the point where I would be on my hands and knees looking in couch coushins, the bottom of the car, ANYWHERE for one pill, just one of those little guys to get me through to the next day- in which undoubtedly if my refill hadn't come- would be doing it all over again. I one time drove over an hour and a half to my parents house because I knew I left ONE pill there when I was down for Thanksgiving... can you imagine that? I bet you probably can. When I look back at it, it just makes me realize how truly addicting this drug is. Absolutely stunning that it can have that effect on people. And yet, it's still prescribed like tylenol from doctors. I wish they would read these sites.
If you know of my story, I was actually allergic to Tramadol. It raised my eosinophil levels (a type of cell in your blood which wards off infections, but too much can actually lead to organ damage/failure) so high, that the doctors were getting really concerned. Yet with all the tests I had, I never once admitted to them I was on Tramadol. I knew the levels were getting higher and higher because of the Tramadol. Finally, my doctor sat me down and said to me that I was diagnosed with hyper-eosinophilic syndrome which basically meant there was nothing they could do except try to prolong the eosinophil counts from getting higher and higher with steroid treatment. It was at that point I knew I had to quit.
Was I ready to quit? No, and in fact, my mind was telling me that lowering dosage would cure me, or if I don't have organ failure yet, then I have a good few years left. This was the crazy thinking my mind told me. So, with the good grace of God and I guess you could call it bad luck, my prescription ran out on a Thursday night. I normally would've had a script ready from the online pharmacy, but had forgotten. I was frantic, but also ready. I had steadily increased my trams from about 4 a day for 6 years to about 10-15 a day.
So I guess you could say I went "Forced Cold Turkey" from 15 the prior day down to none. Let me tell you, it was absolute hell. I didn't tell anyone the agony I was going through. Again, more bad luck led to good things. I left this post up and my wife found it. I had been hiding a six year addiction from her and finally just broke down, lost it, and told her everything. That was day one.
Now it's day 55. If you want my in-between moments, you can just go back and read my story. I couldn't be happier. I love life, my wife, my kids, everything. And the clarity and serenity I have is almost impossible to describe. Am I tempted? Sure, I'll get a quick thought every now and then like the rest of you... but quickly flush it out of my head like I flushed the 180 pills that came 5 days into my w/d. It's not an easy ride, but trust me, it gets better and better... and this is coming from an addict since the time I was about 15 and took my first sip of beer.
I'm slowly learning the joys of sobriety. Life has new meaning, and to make matters even BETTER, had my blood taken the other day, and am as healthy as ever. Doctor is even contemplating taking me off of blood pressure medication which (ironically) I've been on since about the time I started using Tramadol six years ago.
Just know that although that first week might seem like it's almost not worth it.... it most certainly is. I'm going to be corny and post the lyrics to Johhny Nash's "I Can See Clearly Now":
Enjoy.... and be strong! You can and WILL overcome this! :)
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Oh yes I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Look all around, there's nothin' but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
bright (bright), bright (bright)
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Want..even your blood pressure is better?Wow..goes to show what can happen to the body when one ingests some unnecessary chemical just for fun.It's different to take drugs if one needs them for medical reasons,but just for fun?Uh Uh..makes no sense to me.I think the same thing about smoking.
I just found myself singing along with you.."It's gonna be a bright,bright,bright sun-shiney day......
Welcome back ionthe prize...I read almost all your posts as you suffered through wd earlier.I hope everything is easier this time or somehow maybe we can all make it easier for you.Please keep posting and we can help each other as a group.
Hi everyone! Thank you to so many of you for checking on me about my first day back at work. I had no w/d symptoms at all today. I still have a cold, so I feel crummy because of that, but nothing directly related to tram. That was a relief. Day 8. w/d free.
Work was .... hard. Many of my responsibilities were given to others, but not in a bad way. My boss told me privately she realizes that I need some time and that she wants me to take care of me right now. She has NO clue that I have an addiction issue or anything - just that I went through a bit of a breakdown. My job is VERY stressful, so it would make sense, and in some ways, I did suffer a breakdown.
It was really hard watching my job be taken over in some ways. I've worked VERY hard to get where I am, and I feel as if I backpedaled. It was really hard you guys. I got myself here. I did this. Sigh.
I KNOW I have to take care of myself. I know this is meant to be right now. I will climb back up. Just not now.
Sorry to be such a bummer. I'm really tired, but I did it. I made it through the first day, and tomorrow will be just a touch easier.
I will say this ... I didn't crave tram at all. There was a moment on the way home when I thought about it pretty strongly, but I didn't physically crave it. I hope when those days come, and I know they will come, I will be prepared.
LongBeachMama - You continue to crack me up. I hope you enjoyed your chicken soup and mommy time away. Take care of yourself.
Bode - I know just what you mean by looking at patterns in your life and when you turn to outside options to soothe the rough times. I too have these patterns. Figuring it all out and looking inward often has to be the key.
iwantmyselfback - Those first 4 days .... wow, yeah, there is no way to even describe it. I don't EVER want to go back there. Thanks for continuing to be a bright spot and bright post!
nomore4me - Okay, so you relapsed. The important thing is you got RIGHT back on the horse. You are posting. You are dealing. Keep dealing, keep talking to us. You are going to be okay. A relapse is not going all the way back, it is simply a stumble. We are all human. You are okay, just keep going, our friend!!! Keep going!
Peace to you all. I hope your sleep is restful and not SWEATY!! Gosh, I can't wait to wake up with dry sheets again. When will that happen?
Sara: Yay! Been thinking about you today! Glad it went well. Don't let the residual depression of w/d lie to you and tell you that you are depressed about the changes that you know you needed to be healthy and the best mom/woman/person you can be. f*ck tramadol and all the lies it tells us. you are free and your life is going to be so much better for it.
chess: after a 2 week taper i was down to 1/2 pill a day for a few days now tram free for 48 hours and feeling...ok. not about to get up and dance but not about to die, either.
wantmyselfback: love your story, thanks for sharing, i want to be you when i grow up. and always, anything true is made more true by adding "[email protected]". i know is offensive to some people but for all the english i learned its still my favorite!
iontheprize: yay for being back but...omgoodness, i do not like hearing all these stories of 6 week w/d. im on day 2 and feel pretty sh!t and really hope to not have to have 6 weeks. oi.
Thanks Mama, I think I sprained my neck yesterday playing in the snow. Been reading your posts, have 8 trams left, but want to start on half a pill for 3 days then down to a quarter pill, then off. Tylenol and Motrin do more for my pain than trams. The trams just give me a warm blanket feeling, but want to detox for week to see how I feel.
I have been off Tramadol for over a month now. I have been reading here from time to time but I got logged out of the board and could not remember my password to get back in. I finally got it and I am so glad to be back.
The very random anxiety spells held on for a couple of days but I made a lot of lifestyle changes so I think that definitely helped. Along with the vitamins and supplements I am juicing now for at least two meals a day. I am eating 6 small meals with one as a protein shake. I LOVE it! I think this is helping a lot and before this past month I had never done it before. My husband is the marathoner and health freak around this house. LOL
I am also working out every morning at the gym. I can’t say enough about how I think this was the #1 thing that helped. The first week I started it (and sometimes even now) I thought I was going to die getting up at 5am to go workout but I found that I was an anxious, yet fatigued, mess if I did not. Even if I could only go 20 minutes on the elliptical or treadmill it helped.
I have more energy now in the morning than when I used to drag my achy self out of bed and load up on coffee while on the medication. Plus I am sleeping really well at night and I have no problems getting into bed after I get my children to bed. I think working out is allowing me to sleep better even when I am in pain. Or maybe I am just exhausted by 10pm because I get up before the sun.
I have picked up a bad addiction in all this that I need to quit before it catches up with me. It started out using the hydration station at the tanning spa. That is steaming at 115 degrees with colored lights and oils. I figured it would help with the aches and blahs. Then I started tanning for some additional light therapy. It has just been so cold, dark and dreary here and the BRIGHT lights, warmth and music blaring for 10 minutes gives me a huge pick me up. Excuse, excuses, right? I always get down in the winter so that has always been an issue even without any PAWS. Right now though I do what I can do to keep myself up. I figure once the sun comes out I will stop. I. Have. To. Stop. (I will just keep telling myself that :) )
I have been dealing with my pain OK. I have been taking a rotation of 800mg of Ibuprofen and 2 Extra Strength Tylenol Or Excedrin if Tylenol is not working. It doesn’t help completely but neither did the Tramadol. I feel like it is better though because I don’t feel the every morning “flu”/withdrawal and the w/d symptoms when I skip a dose. I know that some people have horrific cancers and diseases where they need to be on a medication daily that causes physical dependency, so dealing with all that is worth it, but I am not there and I don’t want or need that.
Right now I feel better physically and emotionally then when I was using the Tramadol so the pain I do feel right now is the better deal. It still baffles me how many people, like me, felt MORE pain after taking the Tramadol for a few months than before. Then the natural reaction is for both doctor and patient to think the situation is getting worse so the Dr. increases the dose of Tramadol.
I have read story after story like this on the internet. The saddest ones I read, in my opinion, are from people that are still taking it and they say, that while taking prescribed doses of Tram, they have gotten worse and they can barely walk or function now without it. So to them Tramadol is a wonder drug and they need MORE. It very well may be for them but that scenario sounds too familiar for me not to wonder what is really causing their pain. :(
I also can't believe that this reaction has never been documented in a study or why doctors are not more aware of this. I do know that this medication works well for pain but I think it should only be used for short term (5-7 days or such) OR, if longer, that patients should be made aware of things to watch out for. Things like physical dependency signs and their pain becoming worse or more widespread.
I was on it for less than 6 months and I never increased my prescribed doses but it still did a number on me. I know with body chemistry everyone is different so it may not work like this for everyone but I have read A LOT of stories like this. They all make me even more thankful that I stopped it instead of increasing my dose. Best thing I have ever done!
I think I have rambled enough.Sorry. LOL
Thank you all for sharing and helping me and so many others. I am so glad to see everyone still here and sharing.
Hello everyone,today is the second day of my taper and compared to yesterday I feel good. at least Im out of withdrawels,I hopefully with my taper schedule this will be much easier than cold turkey I hae never tried to taper,with every pill bottle I get I always say I will when I only have 50 left,then 40 then 30 and so on.But I dont think I have ever been more determined to stop as I am now. thanks in part to everyone helping me here,especially you longbeachmama,I hope your feeling better today.
I have been on this site off and on for about 5 months and finally decided to become a warrior!
I am a focused career woman and mother just like so many of you here. As I read through the many posts, I laugh at the silly things that we have all done for a pill. Two days ago, began my first two days without Tramadol. I tapered down to 1/2 a pill a day and then jumped. I found myself in the garage Sunday night looking under the seat of my car for a pill that I knew I had dropped there a few weeks ago. No luck - No pill..... What was one pill going to do for me?
My road to tramadol is just like all of yours as well. I suffer from pain from fibromyalgia and TMJ and was prescribed tramadol three years ago. My prescribed dose is 8 pills a day, but I found that I always took 12. Why did I do that? I never got a "high" from it like Percocet - but I always found that I had to reach for the pill bottle every three hours or so - whether it was time for me to take it or not. I did not feel invincible on it or more energetic. What was it's hold over me?
My first withdrawal was so innocent. I simply hadn't picked up my refill from the pharmacy and planned on picking it up after work. I began sweating and having stomach issues so bad while I was at work that I went home and thought I had a virus. I seriously had no clue until it happened to me again a few months later.
Are you kidding me??? I took lorcet - three times a day for two years straight and stopped with no problem at all. What the hell is this stuff?
I know now that all of these years on medications has made me an addict - I tell myself that because I don't buy additional meds on line that I am not as bad as a "real" addict is - not true! Anyone who can't take the prescribed amount of pills and runs out of meds early is an addict. Anyone who is always counting pills the week or two before their prescription runs out is an addict.
Due to my taper, the withdrawals haven't been to terrible. I feel every bit of pain and then some that I have masked all of these years with whatever drug I have been prescribed. All of you are right - the pain is intense when you stop taking trams. Night time is unbearable - I can't sleep. My legs tingle and burn all night long. The teas, vitamin c and soups have all helped. walking and hot baths are a necessity.
JC- another success story! I love it! I'm a strong advocate of the need for emotional well-being after withdrawal. I do have to agree that we all suffer from Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms, but after 30 days, they should generally start to become less and less of a nuisance. Anxiety comes with w/d and PAWS, and learning to deal with it and how to stop it cold in its tracks is nescessary.
Depression is also another factor that comes along in which we need to deal with.
Dealing with your emotional well-being and doing something you love will help you recover much faster than if you're depressed or not dealing with your feelings. Do something you enjoy. Do something you used to do. Make a new resolution.
W/D is only a matter of days. Recovery is the important step and takes some time. Happiness lasts a lifetime.
A quick note to address my prior severe w/d. I went from taking 20 pills a day ( for a year and a half) to zero in 4 days. Everyone's experience is different and I can guarantee you that it was not psychological. It was a dangerous move that I made and it hurt - literally.
Several people have had prolonged w/d that is severe, but it is not common.
To clarify my above comment about "I can guarantee you that it was not psychological" - meaning the symptoms that I had were very real and not "in my head". Some of my syptoms involved depression and anxiety but the severe body pain that I felt for 6 weeks was not "in my head".
Great to hear from JC and Want. Great going!
Want, I agree. Do something you enjoy, love or used to do. It is amazing how being in a tramafog can make a person become so lazy in a sense. Shielded. When I was taking 10 pills a day, music and exercise and things I enjoy doing, kind of faded away. I just didn't really care. All I cared about were my pills and making sure they were well hidden from everyone around me. I faded away into my own little world. It is starting to come back though. I'm not 100% yet, but I am doing things like playing usta singles matches(one of my favorite things to do!). I'm listening to my tunes again and loving it. I'm back to running and hiking with my beloved dogs. And I'm eating more healthy. AND I am not as reactive to my husband when he says those oh so stinging things that hurt so much. I won't let him get the best of me. It's coming back. I'm coming back to myself and it's a good thing. I'm stronger.
Sandia-you're awesome for taking the plunge. We're here for you. Tapering has worked better for me too. I have very minimal w/d and can sleep which is a godsend. I swear, I have a true fear of not being able to sleep. There is nothing worse than insomnia with the sweats and restless body syndrome thrown in there too. For all those suffering with this, it does pass. I used to take melatonin(5mg) which seemed to help. Some take chlonidine which is a prescription med that is for lowering blood pressure but is also used to help recovering opiate addicts sleep.
Sara-thinking of you. I understand everything you say. Hang in there. Glad to hear you are past the w/d's. Good for you for conquering your first day back at work. It's hard to let others help, I know. It's hard to sit back and allow things to happen without your control. I do understand completely. It will all come together and you will find that balance that you need. Give yourslef a break for this month and you will slowly get back to where you are comfortable, I'm sure of it.
iontheprize-I hear you sister! 6 weeks of Hell is what I went through last time. Don't let this scare everyone out there. It does get better. The first 14-20 days were awful for me and the rest was a very slow, lethargic recovery. BUT, some people can recover in a week. Everyone is different-it's true!
LongBeachMama-how ya doing? I think your honest(and damn funny) posts are great! Keep sharing and we will help you.
Tramadont-Great that you are determined and feeling better than yesterday. I am determined too. It's a good feeling- you're on the right track.
Going down to .50mg of sub and then jumping off next week. Almost there.....
Let's be honest. Day 1 is always the hardest. I had this agonizing, annoying sensation in my arms and legs. Almost like "restless". On day 2, that sensation had already begun to weaken, but was replaced with a dull pain in my muscles that took days to go away. After that, I was struck with lethargy and depression just like most of you. I'm still dealing with depression. I feel like I did before I started tramadol years ago. I had a lot of depression as a teen and some strange anxiety. I had an intense fear of dying for some reason. I didn't really realize that tramadol helped the depression until recently, that I've been tram-free for over a month. Still not sleeping well. It's unlawful for me to give medical advice, but Dramamine (dimenhydrinate) seems to help me fall asleep. And it doesn't cause dependency. I used it everyday for for a couple of months last summer when I was having trouble sleeping due to anxiety over my fiance's pregnancy. lol. and had no trouble ending the use.
I'm considering going on an AD. Been doing some research and I have found some interesting info on Effexor (venlafaxine). It is nearly identical to tramadol. Look at their chemical formula. Tramadol is only different by an inch. They are also both listed as related arylalkanolamines. This is a direct quote from a very resourceful article: "Venlafaxine is structurally and pharmacologically related to the atypical opioid analgesic Tramadol and more distantly the newly-released opioid Nucynta(Tapentadol), but not to any of the conventional antidepressant drugs"
My mother has been using Effexor for awhile now and has reported great results and that peaked my interest, but finding that it is so close to tramadol...would it even be worth it? And of course, there are withdrawal symptoms with even missing a single dose of Effexor. Probably similar to tram WD.
Funny what bode said about exercise, I was just the opposite! Taking trams and losing weight (when I doing 150 mg a day and snorting sometimes--yuck, won't do that again!). For the last 2 months, I'd take 3/4 of a tram and go out to hack, chop, and pull a 15-year wisteria vine growth, then go into my homemade gym and practice martial arts for an hour after. The trams would shield me from the cold and soreness, and motivate me for taking big projects. If I take more than a tab and a half, there is an unbearable anxiety. But I also agree with bode that the worst part of w/d is the inability to sleep; my legs would want to crawl out of bed by themselves and dance (haha). I know when I first go off there will be a day of listlessness, where I'll just vegetate. I'll try going down to .25 tabs for 3 days first and see what happens. I don't really care as long as I can sleep.
To:howcouldIknow88: True about trams, the effect at 3 different chemical pathways: serotonin, noradrenalin, and u- opiate receptors:
Tramadol acts as a μ-opioid receptor agonist, serotonin releasing agent, norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor, NMDA receptor antagonist, 5-HT2C receptor antagonist, (α7)5 nicotinic acetylcholine receptor antagonist, and M1 and M3 muscarinic acetylcholine receptor antagonist.
The analgesic action of tramadol has yet to be fully understood, but it is believed to work through modulation of serotonin and norepinephrine in addition to its mild agonism of the μ-opioid receptor. The contribution of non-opioid activity is demonstrated by the fact that the analgesic effect of tramadol is not fully antagonised by the μ-opioid receptor antagonist naloxone.
In my view, any drug that can do all is this is VERY potent, and is easy to see why it affects different people in different ways. It's more like taking a 'chemical cocktail.' Thus, the so-called experts are being disingenuous when they conclude it's only mildly addictive.
A deeper question: why are so many in the US (and also Japan), feeling so depressed, empty, and lost and resorting to various 'escapes' (including pharmaceuticals) for solace? Maybe we listen too much to the corporations and media, whose message--in one way or another--is telling what we need to be fulfilled and happy, or that we're not okay the way we presently are. Maybe we live too much in comparison and, thus, do not know how to be at peace with ourselves. And with the economy in the crapper and sinking fast, many of us are becoming more anxious about getting what we need, or think we need. Add the continuous bombardment of fear-mongering from politicians and military interests (to maintain their endless war budgets), and it's no wonder so many of us are nervous wrecks. Somewhere along the line we've lost our lives--our true lives--and are left with various escapes which leave us feeling more empty than before. The tendency is to say 'what the hell' and just give into the darkness or try to drown it out. We do not see that it is within our power to become more aware and dispel the pernicious miasma that surrounds us. Lately, I've been finding much help with Guy Finley: http:www.guyfinley.com , and learning a new way to look at myself and life as a whole. I realize now there are no quick fixes, in that we didn't get to where we are overnight, but with dedication and persistence, we CAN break out of the darkness that surrounds us.
Chessgames-Yes and no. Tramadol DID give me energy. A weird energy, but yes an energy. Like you, I felt I could do anything! However, eventually I lost interest in the things that I normally loved. And I felt I was veiled by this synthetic drug and not so "energetic" as I was when I started taking it.
Not sure if that makes sense? I guess what I mean is, my senses seem to be coming back, in a way, since stopping trams. The "Tramfog" is lifting. And tennis, running, hiking, music and all the things I love are becoming fun again. It's not all perfect, I struggle with LOTS of things, but things are starting to get better at least!
Maybe Tramadol has that strange, eery quality of giving energy, but also taking it away....
Chess-interesrting facts on 'chemical cocktail' aspects of tramadol! Scary, actually. It IS potent and crazy that they market this drug as "safe" and "non-addictive" and a click away from purchasing on your computer without a prescription!!! I hope to God that changes.
Losing thyroid function has had a profound affect on my life, bode. You may be aware it's the gland that regulates energy levels and metabolism. Replacement therapy helps, but it is not the same. It's probably an illusion, but a little tram (along with a strong cup of coffee) seems to fill the gap. That said, I just hate being dependent on an artificial substance or substances. The tamafog, as you put it, provides me with a strange kind of lucidity, which is hard to explain. Perhaps it keeps other thoughts and feelings from interfering with my focus. It is artificial, I know. And addictive to boot. I get the pills from my aging father who is prescribed up to 2 a day, and gets a month's supply for $3.00. He takes 1 tab every night at bedtime. I refuse to order them without a prescription online, so I will do without if need be. Reading your posts here is making me realize I need to quit as well, and that I'm presently treading a fine line.
Howcouldi- How severe is your depression? I’ve been doing a taper to get off Effexor for months. Today is my first day without one (24 hrs at 10:30). I would say the withdrawal, for me, is worse than tram. It’s a little different…not upset stomach (yet), but nausea, headaches, anxiety, depression. I’m quite irrational. I almost had to get off the highway yesterday because I turned my head and it shook strangely and I thought I was having a panic attack. Thank god I didn’t. So, Effexor is a good AD, but only take it for severe depression or at least if you’re planning on staying on it for a long time. Otherwise, I’d try something else first. Also, causes libido issues for most (like most Ads really). I was put on Pristiq, which pretty much is Effexor and I don’t think I should have been. Oh, Dramamine has been helping me through this withdrawal actually, but of course I can only take it at home. Helps with brain shakes.
Have you been on Anti-D. before?
Chess- There is a new book about the globalization of mental illness. I haven’t read it, but I’ve seen him interviewed. Basically, the west is taking our notion of biochemical mental illness to other places, where people may have been cared for in a different manner before.
I also have thyroid problems. Are you only taking Synthroid? If so, you may want to get your Free T3 tested and add Cytomel or take natural thyroid. I take Synthroid and Cytomel and the Cytomel helps. Some people don’t convert to T3 well and therefore do not do well on Synthroid alone. T3 is where you get energy.
Ion - I just saw that you have 4 days clean now! I'm so happy for you and so glad you are here. I missed you a lot.
Bode - I agree with what you said about the energy - I felt like wonder woman when I first go on tram, but by the end I could barely function. It turned on me big time.
chessgame - don't apologize for waxing philosophical. Once we survive the hell of early withdrawal we have to take a look at why we got hooked on drugs in the first place. That's where I'm at now - how can I maintain this long term?
Lillyval - I am absolutey wondering the same thing. How will I maintain this long term? I don't know how to handle life without the pill bottle always tucked away in my purse. How did I do it before? I have been off of Trams for 3 days and I finally slept last night - so I feel a little better today. I have been supplementing with 5mg of lexapro and have avoided the brain zaps that I have suffered with a time or two before. So, I will need to taper that off now and see how bad it is going to get. The fear of the unknown WD affects is so overwhelming.
I have a Doctor's appt next Friday and I plan on breaking the news to my Doc about my decision about getting off of Tramadol. I am curious as to her reaction and will she try and talk me into taking it again. I am dead set against it - BUT - what do I do about the real pain that I suffer. How do I control that? OTC Advils and such don't seem to do the trick for me all of the time. Will I end up abusing other meds now that I know how I handled Tramadol?
I am so angry at the Doctor who first prescribed the meds to me in the first place and I am also mad at myself for completely losing control of my life over a pill. What was I thinking?
I am so very glad that I found this site. I have learned so much about myself and I love the fact that we don't judge each other. I'm thinking that this wasn't the end goal for any of us.
Hey all, just wanted to check in and give some possibly encouraging news for anyone doing this or considering doing this for the 1st time- while i am in NO WAY doubting the stories of others, this is just my individual story:
I was up to around 30 pills a day, sometimes as many as 45 but other days as low as 20.
I did a 2 week taper, today is Day 3 clean, 0 mgs.
There were some very uncomfortable times, mostly on the 1st day of a reduced dose and at night.
The 1st night on 0 mgs was horrendous.
Day 3 clean, I have ZERO symptoms. Psychologically or physically. I found a large box of 180 Tramadol yesterday early in the morning that I had forgotten about. I have had no desire to take even 1.
While some people have terrible experiences that are quite prolonged, I do not think that this is the case for anyone. I cannot recommend enough doing a taper. I went cold turkey once before and it made the addiction worse as even when I didn't want pills I would take them because I was so scared of feeling that way again.
hey, i forgot to read first, tramadont! you're here! sorry for being surprised. yay. proud of you and your taper!
and, WOW i have thought so little about this for the past 24 hours I was wrong, today is Day 4 not 3! Never thought it could be this easy. Tapering is the answer, I'm telling you. Tapering hurt but I always knew when it got to a point I couldn't handle, I had a dose coming. And now I feel great!
Longbeachmama- My withdrawal was pretty quick too once I stopped. I did have some depression hit later.
Sandia- I would tell your doctor that you found them addictive and that you don't want to take them. They should accept that. Have you tried 800mg ibuprofen? I don't remember what your pain is from. Try to find alternatives. They're out there. It's harder without them, but my pain actually didn't get any worse. I'm more careful about icing and heating my back now.
Hi everyone! I was too tired last night to post, but I am back on tonight. Work has been getting a little bit better each day, so I can only hope it will continue that way. We had a big meeting today and it was hard to see my peers run the show I usually run, but again ... I have to remember that I NEED this break. I NEED this. I don't want it, but I NEED it. I keep telling myself that.
Bode - Your post about energy just hit me so hard. Tram gives you energy, in a sense, but also takes it away. It gives you fake energy, but pulls your authentic energy away along with the desire for all the things you love that bring you energy. For me it was running, playing crazy with my kids, yard work, etc. Just the silly, fun stuff. I had energy to do "stuff". I cleaned a lot and organized and was busy, busy, busy, but not in a genuine way. It wasn't authentic. Thanks for that post. It made me think!
We can all continue this fight. Let's all stay strong and look inward more than outward. We can do this!
Much peace and caring to all of you this evening!
JG, I'd say my depression is major.
When I was 14, I was misdiagnosed with ADHD and was put on Adderall (amphetamine salts) and as soon as I took the first dose I knew something wasn't right. The medicine gave me an unreal amount of energy and extreme euphoria. I simply told the doctor it was working. Then I started having weird cardiac effects from Adderall and decided to come clean with the doctor. Luckily, it wasn't long enough to get dependent, so it was easy to come off. He re-evaluated my symptoms and decided it was depression. I was put on Zoloft (sertaline) and was to see a therapist once a week. The Zoloft made me feel terrible, so after a month on it I didn't want it anymore. Therapy was good enough for me, I said. So I was taken off of the Zoloft. I still had a lot of anxiety and depression, but I just didn't want AD.
Then came along Ultram (tramadol) when I was 15 (as you all know the story already). Magically, the anxiety and depression went away. I figured it was just teen angst and I was growing out of it until I researched my blanket, tramadol. Finally got off of the tramadol after a near 7-year dependency about a month ago and the same depression is coming back full force. And it's a deep, dark, lethargic depression. That's why I'm interested in Effexor (venlafaxine). If it's similar to tramadol, then it may be worth a shot for this returning depression.
howcouldiknow88: Have you ever tried watching the depression within yourself without identifying with it, calling its 'bluff,' if you will? Resisting doesn't work, it only makes things worse, and drugs only numb the symptoms, the painful feelings, but the issues remain. No one every told us that it's okay to feel empty--that we do not always have to fill the emptiness with something. Eckhart Tolle talks about how deep depression drove him to a different space--a much brighter space--in "The Power of Now." He said the solution is to 'watch the thinker' because it was unconscious self-talk that got us to where we presently are. I like to think of it as 'trigger-thoughts.' After years of repetition those trigger-thoughts become thug-thoughts (which produce thug-feelings, like anxiety, depression, and fear; Tolle says it becomes part of 'me and my story'), and we are desperate to escape, which only strengthens them more. Self-watching is different from analysis in that we don't try to do (or change) anything with what we observe, just watch it like we would boats passing us on a river bank. Believe it or not it will help you let go; you will begin to stop identifying with them, and label yourself less.
Awareness is the key. Initially, though, when you begin to watch things appear to get 'worse,' but in a good way. You are no longer trying to escape the inner conflict, but make it conscious. You eventually come to a point that, while you are not yet free, you know you can face anything you see within yourself and not run away. We did not get to where we are overnight, so neither will we dissolve the pain overnight; thus, persistence is the key. When we slide backward, we do not beat ourselves up as we did before, but get back to work. Addiction is a terrible master, but like other terrible masters, it too can be vanquished.
Sara-You said it MUCH better tham I. The "busy, busy, busy aspect of Trams! UGH! I was ALWAYS busy, but it was not authentic. FAKE!
Good for you for allowing your peers to take over and run the show a little at work. It must be so hard, but in time you will be back. Keep remembering that this phase is temporary. Plus, the silver lining: maybe you were going to hard to begin with and downshifting was a neccesisty? For your sanity and well being. We can only do so much...
Since I've been through this before, I know that it is crucial to actually force being active. Hiking, running, playing with kids, etc., It really helps with depression and lack of energy(ironic, but it does!). It may be slightly "forced" at this point still, but it really helps in the end. You will feel less depressed even if you workout for just 30 minutes everyday, I swear!
So far I have avoided the dreaded depression, but I am aware that it may(or may not) come. I do think that since going to a therapist for the last 3-4 weeks, I do have this strange self-awareness. As though I'm looking at myself from the outside and I see patterns. The recklessness! The recklessness! Oh my God. SHAME. How I self loathe! The guilt. The obsessions. So, to say the least, I have my work cut out for me!! I may appear to be very normal on the outside(preschool teacher, mom, athlete, animal lover and owner, enjoys cooking and gardening), but I am so NOT! I am filled with "STUFF"! What is wrong with me??? Why can't I just feel and behave normal for lengthy periods of time??? Enjoy the amazing life I have been blessed with? There is always SOMETHING dramatic going on in my life(that I have created)....I really think I get a "high" from all the excitement, wether it be positive or negative. I will go into more detail another time.
Anyhoo, those are my deep thoughts for the morning! LOL! Thanks for listening...
Hope you all hangin there and keep fighting today.
Hello everyone day 4 of the taper,and Im down to 12..which believe it or not is a 3rd of what i was usually taking. tommorow I go down to 8. I feel fine..but I had adream about damn pills last night!!! you know your an addict when your mouth waters during a dream about an endless supply of narcotics. tram is the only drug Ive been addicted too,but I have tried all kinds over the years,and I went through a phase of taking adderall for energy,but I stopped because the come down wa dreadful unless I had an opiod to help the come down..And that had been years but now all of a sudden Im craving speed! im such an addicted mess, One day at a time,one day at atime!!!
Thank you for the message bode. I am starting again from last night. I agree with you about the energising nature of tramadol ( and then the veil coming down. I thought once the twitches and the sweaty sleepless nigjts were over it was done, however my mood is very contrary presently which I know the tramadol will fix. There is no doubt I was using this stuff to cope with work, family, social situations etc. How such a multifaceted drug can be so widely used as a general pain control ??
Howcouldiknow- I’m sorry you had to go through that. Sadly, there are way too many kids being put on speed today due to ADHD misdiagnosis. There may be people that need it, but I’m going to have to think long and hard before my kid gets put on that stuff. It’s so dangerous. My step-dad gets to meet those kids in ************** when they’ve moved on to other substances. Sorry for my stong opinions on this...it's worrisome though. I'm glad you weren't on it long. I know with methamphetamines they say that people are always chasing that type of high and it's impossible to find.
Anyway, I’m at 48 hours off Effexor and it’s AWFUL! Along with the motion sickness, I’m irritable and in tears. Hopefully, it will pass sooner rather than later. Still, it sounds like you might be a good candidate. Like I said, just plan on staying on it for awhile if it works. It’s not a good short term AD because of the withdrawal. That said, Effexor never made me feel the way tramadol did. I know they’re both SNRI related…I guess it’s the slight opiate mixed with SNRI in tramadol. It’s a good AD though.
Chess- I’m reading the Power of Now. It’s good. Definitely a long-term way of working on things.
Thanks to all for your posts.. Tuesday i tapered down to 125 mg (typicall day was 300mg+)...yesterday i was back up to 175..i am trying supplements...L-trytophan, B6, minerals...not sure if it's helping or not... i relate so much to the posts about the tram induced energy...i was exercising like a madwoman..running like crazy..now..exercise has fallen away..the tram has deceived me big time..more only makes me agitated and angry. I always considered music my touchstone..life saver..before the tram fog..i havent listened to music in a long time..dont read..dont engage..very lonely, hollow.."going thru the motions" existence. what a comfort to know that you all know what this is ..your words resonate incredibly with me and that i am not crazy...YET. well ..yes i guess i am crazy..because I am here...
Thank you for continuing this forum..it is saving my life i am quite certain... Keep fighting..
Chess,wewar, Jen, Bode, Sara, tramadont, and howcouldI--
I haven't posted for almost a week. It has been purely avoidance. Last sat after a day of conflict with my partner...I called the pharmacy and refilled my script for tramadol...I was off about 34 days and the anxiety and depression in those weeks after the initial 5 days of brutal w/d were difficult...I felt overwhelmed with a sense of hopelessness and--- truth be told ---knew if I took a tramadol they would go away.....and they did....sort of...I used for 5 days 2-3 50mg a day. I noticed a molar grinding kind of tension...a pressure in my head, too....VERY aware of the effexor like component this time. My partner asked about the tram w/d last night and I told him I was using it again...he was pissed rightfully so...he had gone through all the early stuff and the month long anxiety and depression (and just crabby ole me) I am NOT the person I used to be..It was foolish to think I could retrieve something from the very drug which helped take it all away.....my thinking is distorted...I am struggling, struggling, struggling here..........I have calls out to several psychiatrists today...I think I need some medication right now until I get through this anxiety and depression.....currently not on anything!
I appreciate this post so much. I am so proud of everyone here...sharing your battle means so much
many years ago I was treated for bipolar affective disorder and was on lithium for 5 years. when I got sober 10 years ago I stopped all psychotropic drugs. I did fine without them. (although I had and have a lot of growing up to do) I have tried to attend to this task with some diligence. Enter Tramadol last aug for osteoarthritis pain......man, with my background I was flying.....didn't know about the AD part I just knew I felt good....sort of......the residual emotional ride has been hectic...I noticed this week 'back on' a level of aggressive thought that is disturbing.....an angst...simmering yuck
course OFF it I feel anxiety and extreme restless depression with moments of darkness that are hard to breathe through
whatup? on or off I feel like I am spinning in an emotional turmoil that might, at any moment get frightfully out of control
I can see I need help here
thanks for reading and for being here
jen- hope your w/d from the effexor lightens up soon
Howcouldyouknow-I was also diagnosed with ADD and was put on Ritalin which made me high as a kite. I was 18 and I think that was when I first became addicted to something. It's basically speed! Of course I loved it. Same idea as tramadol except even more energy and zero appetite....dangerous combo for me. That's when I first went into eating disorder mode and weighed 89lbs. Luckily, the doctor stopped giving it to me when I came in looking like a skeliton.
4leaf-I know you are struggling. I so understand. What an amazingly brave thing to be honest with your partner. That takes alot of courage and in the end it will be better for you both. I wish I could say the same, but I can't tell my husband or he would take my children away, at least that's my fear. I am hoping you will be able to see a psychiatrist or another type of doctor ASAP. That will help so much. It has saved me this time around. Maybe there is another medication that will help with all the turmoil you feel right now.
Interesting that you were treated for bipolar. I was just asking my mom(who is a therapist herself) about that disorder and if I fit the description with all my recklessness and kind of impulsive/manic behaviors over the years. She said not really because my highs and lows aren't extreme and I am well aware of the issues and dangers. I may have some imbalance chemically and I am working with my doc to figure out what that is and what med might help me to stay a bit more stable.
It's weird. I am very successful in many ways, but also so unstable in many ways. I'm a big combination of things I suppose...I seem to have this need for some form or another of excitement. Weather it be drugs, spending money, just poor choices over and over. I can't believe how lucky I am to have two beautiful healthy children that are well behaved and are excelling socially, emotionally, in school, sports, etc. How is that possible with a wreck of a person like me? I hope to God I am doing something right!!!
Bode- You say it so well....same with me!! very strong in some areas...but have been and feel now quite unstable in some areas....I tend to do well when I am not in a relationship...and also do well in the early parts of a relationship...but where the 'rubber meets the road' day to day life stuff...I find hard to navigate. I was raised in a home with 2 alcoholic parents...my dad also suffered 'big time' with mental illness (anxiety and depression) hmmm...familiar......I feel lost and struggling I am hypersensitive, immature and insecure. I have very little reason to feel this way. I have trouble asserting myself in my relationship, but find no trouble being assertive in my career.
I have an advanced practice degree that I am not currently using...although I practice at a level that works for me now....
I have 2 grown children who are the picture of health...emotional , that is.....they grieve 'normally' the ups and downs...are courageous and steadfast in their endeavors.....
I have messed up here with the tramadol...for 10 years I was on a path toward healing and wholenesss....(except for chewing nicorette like a fiend) now....I need, to tell this whole story--- honestly.....I am leaving to go see my mentor in al anon and tell her EVERYTHING. I have been keeping secrets, lying and deceiving for too long. I got an appointment with a great psychiatrist tomorrow at 1030a....the arrangements for this appointment came RIGHT after I sent the post about my relapse...like a reward for disclosing honestly
how about that?
89 lbs , girl? yeah--- I have had trouble with the 'thin' thing, too...also drugs, alcohol, spending......
I have mentored people who have been struggling like I am now......when tramadol came into my life...I was engulfed in a private world of addiction, again....I thought I'd just do it awhile and then stop when I didn't need it anymore
but I guess I have to take care of the parts of me that have this need in the first place
I have gone deeply into metaphysics...also received excellent therapy addressing integration of myself
none of this will sustain me while I am addicted to Tramadol
and it hasn't
desperategran--I know how it feels when the Tram-energy is gone...like walking through peanut butter....it does get better
...i remember that it did and I look forward to that natural energy to return, soon
Thank you 4 leef...that's all i have right now...is to know..from someone else who knows ..that it will get better....yes..what is the point of therapy if i do not come clean with the therapist..right? waste of money and time.. i need huge dose of courage..thx again.
4leef-you are so so so well spoken and have a lovely way of sharing and being so honest. Thank you for that. I can REALLY relate to you.
Yes, it all does get better. The lack of energy part of w/d was always the worst part for me..BUT, it eventually disappeared and I had normal energy once again with out that tram. So, desp.grandma-hang in, it will be ok, I promise.
Lydia, we are all scared or have been scared just like you. You are not alone. But, honestly(speaking from experience) you will be ok. One thing my doctor did say about w/d from opiates is that there is no medical danger in it, just straight forward uncomfortable pain of w/d. You will NOT die, but you may feel like it for a few days. As oppsed to alcohol, or benzos. Those w/d's can actually kill you. Opiate w/d will not.
4leef- I was thinking about you. Thank you for your honesty! It's possible that you only manifested bipolar when you were using (or was it before that?). You might just be depressed. I think you will be relieved to unburden yourself to your sponsors. It's the right thing. Also, an AD might be good for awhile...I'd not recommend Effexor, but I'm a bit biased LOL.
My psych called and I had left him a message earlier where I burst into tears for no reason. He's putting me on Prozac for a few weeks since it has a longer half life. Maybe the tram w/d is catching up to me too now. This effexor withdrawal is one of the worst feelings I've ever felt and I've gotten high on my share of drugs, although not addicted. It's that you never know when it will end. This could go on for weeks before it clears, hence the prozac. If I thought it would be a few days, I'd say no.
Hang in there everyone! I wish I'd ever lost weight on drugs!
Hi girls...bode and jg and 4 leaf and all of us(me included)There are some deep and thoughtful discussions here and to me what it really boils down to is the fact that we just expect too much of ourselves.We are all overachievers and want to be perfect in all ways.....Well it probably aint gonna happen ...and maybe we can settle for a little less...Share some of our responsibilities..not be as thin...just be regular people instead of the perfect robots we somehow envision we should be.
I am a little buzzed with wine today..IT is my daughter's birthday and I actually have the evening off from work because the relief pharmacist has returned from 6 months maternity leave to relieve me.I am heady with excitement because for the last 6 months I have worked 6 days one week and seven the next.Not enough time off for an old lady
Anyhooo.reading all these posts I still realize that we try to be too perfect.If our spouses don't mind a few pounds on our hips why should we be concerned.Most people love us just as we are..and the only people who don't is ourselves.
This dissatisfaction with our bodies and our accomplishments makes us more likely to take drugs that we think will enhance our lives.
We have to realize that self satisfaction is within ourselves and that we radiate self satisfaction and contentment through our actions and lives.
That said....good to hear from all of you and good healing in 2010..Keep posting.I read all the posts.
Sending luv and kisses to all...
You all hang in there, if you can get down to half a tab, you're practically home free. Try going to a quarter if that's an option. Exercise, beef up your nutrition, and take Tylenol to help you sleep at night (for a couple of days). I'm not one much for running anymore, but prefer weight training, cycling, and torturing my poor punching bag. I've long ago quit subscribing to the Dr. Phils of the world; their psychobabble makes my head spin. I believe most of them are more screwed up than the people they treat. But, hey, that's just me. I like you girls because you're more real than most of the people I meet in this maniacal pretentious world. Anyway, that's my 2 cents for this morning. Be well all, and you all can be my valentine. :-)
I haven't posted in awhile and have had alot of reading to get through. Last week I relapsed for 1 day. I purchased 90 t over the internet and got my delivery on Thursday. I felt like a kid in a candy shop. I took 2 and then continued to take random pills throughout the day. I then proceeded to drink alot of whiskey. I got very inebriated and sick and felt somewhat close to and od. I could't walk and was very unsteady'. I alos felt I had no control of my limbs. This all happened upstairs in my bedroom away from my husband and kids. I probably took at least 10 pills in 8 hours. I couldn't stop either t or etoh until I got sick.
The next morning I was still high and felt very bad. I then flushed the entire bottle and have continued in my quest to be t free.
That episode was after almost 3 months of sobriety. WTF?
gert...sounds like you needed some form of escape from stresses.You do have a very responsible and stressful career.
You have learned that your choice of escape is not the right one.perhaps next time you feel this way,book a day at a spa and get pampered or spend a day shopping for yourself and your family.
Good for you getting back on the horse and keep trying because you know you have to.
Gerty..i dont know you ..but damn i admire your courage and honesty... relating all this out here and flushing...seems like at least 1/2 the battle..Good luck to you ... Im new on this forum and have started taper...the support, feedback and posts out here truly lifesaving...hang in there and go easy on yourself...
Today is day 5 for me. Yay! I have slept maybe 6 hours this week, but at least I didn't cave in and go look for pills underneath the seat of my car!!
I just don't understand why your body has to hurt so bad when you stop taking this stuff. WTF!!! When does this end?
I found that some good contemporary christian music blasting in my ipod helped me last night. It seems like we all feel shameful and are full of self-loathing. This music really helped me release a lot of guilt. I am happy to recommend some tunes if anyone is interested
My husband and kiddos have no clue why mommy is sick this week. I am such a liar!
It is true - when you reach day 5 - things start looking more positive.
Gerty - just get right back on track and don't beat yourself up anymore - relapse is so common.
Wow, it's so very good to hear from all of you. I've been on them for two years, can get them anytime I want online. I now have a full bottle in my bathroom but have gone from abusing them daily now down to 3.5. Today is the day I take out the half and move to three. I CANNOT go C/T it just isn't an option. But after reading all the wonderful, inspiring responses from all of you wonderful, brave people, I know that I can do this and time is on my side. I do realize that I cannot rush myself, that I need to take all the time I need. I've been using the vitamins, motrin, 5 HTP and I feel pretty good. I'm staying on this strict schedule and know now how evil this drug really is. I knew I had a problem when I started getting flyers in the mail from drug companies wanting my business.
I cannot tell anyone, especially not my husband. But I know I'm strong enough to do this myself if I'm kind to my body and take it one day at a time. Good to hear from the veterens on here, I'm a member of the armed forces and cannot go CT because of the fitness requirements we have. I HAVE to run, do push ups, sit ups etc.
The dizzyness has gone down in the mornings. I started taking these after the military did jaw surgery on me and I knew they wouldn't refill my percocets. These were wonderful. Well, I decided to not take them one day and FLIPPED! Horrible. Now, after the abuse, I'm going to properly wean and get off this dependency. Like I said, the vitamins and strict schedule have helped. I feel pretty good. I guess what I'm trying to say is you can either spend the next 6 months continuing to do what we do to ourselves or use the time to get off these horrible little things. I've been doing this to myself for two years, it's time to stop.
Reading your posts has been my only support and I thank each and every one of you for that.
WOW!! What a wonderful crew we have here, don't we?
thanks pharma for the notes--- happy birthday to your girl! I am sure, no matter what she knows-- that she is reaping the rewards of her mom's freedom from the Tramamonster.
Gert- you had a day, there, didn't you. That was a hard day, girl. I could have easily done the same thing. I can see that. You are just like everyone else ...dedicated to find your way out of Tramadol addiction. did you say you started an AD recently?
glad you stopped, didn't od --- then posted...thats great work!!
desperategran- keep it up and keep posting!
Jen- hows the prozac?
sandia- yeah! 5 days! the body aches get better....w/d accentuates them...I think all the pain receptors go absolutely crazy without the tram---after 10 days they calm down (maybe sooner)
chess- LOVE your posts...
bode- how are you, Hon? ......a special angel in this fight
today I went to the shrink ok, ok the psychiatrist -- he came highly recommended ...spent one and 1/2 hours
(unheard of, huh?) taking my history and asking questions. He said he had a woman in with Tram w/d problems like mine just the week before. As I reviewed my life history with him-- I began to realize not only all the mistakes I've made but also all the things I FEEL GOOD ABOUT.....what? me? could it be the tram ....my friend, my friend....took this outlook away from me over the months in the Tramafog? ....well yes, thats understandable when you think it is a piece of everything you are doing and becomes the operational force in life...then a person gets to the point where nothing belongs to me, alone, anymore,
Tram HAS to own some or all of it....then there is the TRAM-twist....where the Tram (at first a friend and helper) begins to twist my outlook toward NEED....I CAN'T do this without my Tram.....whittling away my dignity, confidence and self perception until nothing is left but a mere shadow of my former self
he started me on lamictal for mood stabilization...i will continue to take clonidine for the anxiety and see him next week for more changes as necessary--- he was not appalled at all when he heard about my relapse ....tough going in the anxiety and depressive 'soup' that tram w/d cooked up for me and my special biochemistry....with the snoozing giant of bipolar looming in the reeds and tall grasses....a wicked 5 day w/d and the effexor w/d week after week woke the da*n thing up!!
gotta run....just know --whereever I go--- you are all in my heart--- I pray that you are able to find your way through the day without the Tram....happy, joyous and FREE
Icandothis - weaning is the best approach. I am on day 5 of no Tramadol and I did this by weaning.
Do I feel 100% - NO - but I have been able to get to work each day. I feel like I sit at my desk and just stare at my computer monitor. I have absolutely no energy - definitely keep up with the vitamins.
Make sure you have some sort of sleep aid because that has been my largest obstacle.
Good luck to you and we are all standing behind you. Keep posting and reading - it is essential.
Geesh! I forgot to tell you that I weaned off of the T in a pretty quick taper. Cold turkey happened to me before by mistake (didn't pick up refill in a timely manner) and that was the worst friggin experience - ever. That experience is what raised my eyebrows to this crap!!!
You're right sandia66. The best word I can think of to describe Tramadol is insidious. No doubt this has been to be a windfall for those pharmaceutical companies that produce it, perhaps that is why not much is said about it.
Gerty and 4leef, don't beat yourself up about the minor misstep. Relapses are a part of recovery and self-discovery. I was told by a therapist that close to 90% of all addicts/alcoholics have at least one relapse (I think it's also mentioned in the Big Book as well somewhere). The key is not beating yourself up, and moving forward.
You should be proud you have been able to realize what you've done and how down in the dumps you feel about it.
I would strongly suggest possibly considering an anti-depressant/ counseling getting through this difficult time. I know depression was a leading factor in my uptake in number of tramadols and alcohol. After giving up the trams, I still felt miserable for the first three weeks and wanted to just curl into a ball and hide somewhere. I then decided to get some help and met up with a counselor and spoke to my GP about an anti-depressant. I think it's helped me immensly. The medication I was prescribed was Lexapro which is an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication. I'm on 10 MG, the lowest dose.
Now I know it's a heated discussion on here about considering an AD, but for me, I can say it honestly is doing something for me. I'm now over 60 days free of tramadol and 31 days sober of alcohol. I try to attend AA meetings as often as I can but have been slacking.
Don't get me wrong, I still have my "bad" days, and also have a thought or craving every now and then, but I'm managing to overcome them and they're getting far and few between. Afterall, I have too much living to do and can't let tramadol or alcohol inhibit my natural highs (and lows)!
Just something to consider if you're going on 30 days and still feel down in the dumps. I think an AD is helping. I don't plan on being on them forever, and I'll deal with the w/d from them later, but I'll take them over the Trams anyday... especially because I feel no physical effects while on the Lexapro. I know side effects are associated with anti-depressants, but on a low dose, I can say I feel "normal." The first two weeks I felt "funny" I guess you could say, but that wore off and now can't tell I'm on them.
Just think... Spring is just around the corner! :)
4 leef- You always make me smile from the inside out. I am so glad to hear you went to talk with someone. I think that by hearing yourself talk about your past, your history, it brings such self awareness. And you are right. Going through tram w/d and then the effexor w/d plus that dang 'looming giant' was way too much. It sounds like you're on the right path now. Im always thinking of you and here for you!
Pharma- Yes, there are some thoughtful discussions going on. And I wish we all could just relax and not feel so pressured to attain things that are so unrealistic. I wish there was a switch I could turn off. Not sure I'll ever change, but I hope so.. Thaks for being here-you are a help to us all.
Chessgame-you can be my valentine too. And "insidious" is a perfect word to describe tramadol!
JG-hang in there. I hope the prozac helps. I understand how you are feeling, I really do!
Gerty-what a rough day you had. All that matters is that you are back to fighting. You rock.
Despgrandma-how are you? Thinking of you. Thanks for being here.
Grandmagirl-I hope all is going great with you.
Icandothis-wow, how amazing that you are in the armed forces. Good for you for making your way to freedom of trams. It is so hard, but it does get better quickly and we are all here for you. You are inspiring.
Sandia-Good for you for making it to day 5! That is a HUGE accomplishment and you should be proud. Hang in. The sleep will come. The normalcy will return, I promise you that.
Sara-how are you? I'm thinking of you. Hope work is going okay.
LongBeach, Tramadont, Iontheprize, wewar, Lydia, howcouldiknow, Lillyval-I am thinking of you all. Please tell me(us) how you are.
wantmyselfback-good for you for being 60 days tram free and 30+days alcohol free. Way to go!
I agree, that an antidepressant could help those who are really struggling. Wishing you continued success!
4leef- I'm not sure if the prozac has kicked in yet. Maybe, but the moods from the effexor withdrawal ebb and flow, as well as the headaches. Did you have serious mood swings when you were withdrawing from effexor? Like want to hurt someone angry? Not that I've hurt anyone or myself, but when the lack of chemicals is in full force, it feels like the whole world hates me and that it will never end. That and the motion sickness. I've been so angry with my husband and I have no reason to be- he's great.
I just want to clarify, I'm not discouraging anyone from using ADs. I withdrew from Celexa a couple of years ago and it wasn't nice, but it was NOTHING like Effexor. The effexor withdrawal is far worse for me than tram or any other withdrawal I've experienced. I don't know if some of it is the tram catching up with me, but I've been sober 90 plus days from that, so I think it's the Effexor. Even saying that, I would still recommend Effexor to people who have severe depression and who plan to be on it for years. But, I would go for prozac, lexapro, etc first if your depression is from tram withdrawal. Now I'm on 20mg of prozac and hopefully it will ease the effexor wd. Anyway, sorry for rambling. Just didn't want anyone to think I was against ADs. I'd like to be off them to get pregnant and also to get my libido back. I need to go to AA and deal with some of my issues I think. Lots of resentments that have been hiding behind all these chemicals.
Thanks Bode too! Thank you to this board for letting me post about this. I know there are depression forums and I post there to people, but this is my "home." Tramadol was the start, now effexor, then I will be kicking my klonopin at night. Ugh. I know Emily went through some stuff with these to, so I feel it's in the spirit of this forum. Hard to fit somewhere when you have so many components, but people are complicated :). Jenny
Jen- I think prozac is a wonderful antiD. I did not ever take Effexor...I refer to the very similar chemical make-up Tram has with Effexor which, I believe causes the weeks of anxiety and depression that come after the initial 5 day w/d from the opiate part of the Tramadol. Sorry that wasn't clear. I hope the prozac works...do I remember right about prozac being safe in pregnancy? what dose of klonopin are you on before bed?
AA has wonderful steps in dealing with resentments-- the 4th and 5th. I also find Byron Katie very helpful...look her up..she has a process of inquiry that is a fabulous tool ...when I use these tools , and am 'clean' I can really let God help me see things differently....also, I'd like to add that I found al anon more accessible in some ways than AA...hey, I've been affected by alcoholism since the day I was born...I BECAME an alcoholic in my teens...doing both saved my *ss. In some ways al anon focuses more on relationships...which is key for me
Last night after only 5 days back on Tram at 2-3 daily (50mg) I had RESTLESS LEGS ...and felt ANGRY!!
I considered breaking some dishes in the sink...just slamming something...but I decided to yell and ***** instead
...then I took (another) hot bath....and went to sleep with the heating pad on high....finally the sleep came
tonight, who knows? we shall see...
How is sara? hope well...howcouldI- did you get some meds?
good night to all you lovely, brave souls
thanks for being here.............
Speaking of Emily...is it ok for me to ask about her - I hope that she is ok..I've started reading the beginning posts from her..she sounds like an amazing woman....who really stood up to the Tram and said...STOP....subsequently paving the way for all of us to have a place to talk, heal, cry, *****, learn, share (without fear of judgement).. Emily if you are out there..sending my gratitude for all the groundwork you did to start this forum...
hello everybody, Im on day4 detox from a year and a half tramedol roller coaster ride. This is utter hell. Jeez, I knew it was going to be bad (4th time trying cold turkey) but I had no idea. I get my Klonipin refilled on Monday, hopefully I will feel somewhat normal by then (hoping). I am so glad this post is here. Reading all the stories really makes me feel like, "I'm not the only one!" and it really does help with the emotional healing we all know is important in deciding to live a tramadol free life. Thanks again and good luck to all..
Gerty, you were joining the site around the time I was at my 3 month marker. I relapsed. It took some months, but I'm back here and have days in....maybe even a week. :) Something happened to me that I didn't even care about relapsing and the memories of my 6 weeks of sheer hell were gone.
I remember that I had flushed a bunch down the toilet and could have done the whole bottle but didn't want to. I wish I would have b/c now i've been going through w/d despite my long, slow taper. Get rid of those pills as soon as you can. You had a backslide, you haven't failed. Keep fighting. Hence, Emily's "Warrior" title for all of us.
Wishing you and all everything you need to be on the path that leads to living your best life.
Ive been off Tramadol since Jan. 27 and I am so happy. I started taking it after L5-S1 spine surgery. The doctor highly recommended this drug and said it was "light" and non addictiive.....boy was she wrong. I never realized that the pain I felt for the past 2 years was withdraw pain. Everytime I went to the doctor, I told her that I had "different" pain. My back ached so bad, along with everything else. If I waited too long to take a dose, my nerves were going crazy. Like I wanted to jump out of my skin, especially in bed. So everyday, like clockwork, I would take my dose. I was only taking 1-2 50mg pills a day, unlike some of the others I have read about. But, the control that this pill has over you is so intense. Nothing would help my pain except Tramadol and I never realized why. It wasn't until I googled "tramadol addiction" when I realized my pain was from this drug. That was the last day of my regular dosage. It took me 1-1/2 months to wither down to 1/4 of a 50mg tablet. I took 1/4 of a tablet for about 2 weeks. I couldn't believe that I still had withdraw symptoms when taking such a small dose. I finally feel normal again, without all of the sacrum pain and body aches. I still have back pain because I have 2 herniated discs, but the pain is manageable. I have been seeing a chiropractor twice a week. If I need something for pain, I just take something over the counter. So, to all of you experiencing terrible withdraw symptoms, I would highly recommend cutting your dose gradually. I think you have to be patient, so you can function while trying to get off of this drug. It was just too painful for me to quit cold turkey. I wish all of you the best luck and look forward to your comments when you are free!!!!
4leef-I cant blame you for feeling angry! RLS. It's like a sick joke from tramadol. I'm sorry to hear that. Try not to let it fool you into taking more.
Comingclean-you go! Day 4 is so hard but heroic to make it there. Keep going!
Iontheprize-lots of snow!! Wow! I also was here last year and spent 6 nightmare weeks going through w/d from trams. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson...but no, I went back to them.The dark alluring drug tramadol. Here I am again. Off trams since Jan.13th but weaning off a tiny bit of suboxone(.25mg) to cushion my fall. What was I thinking going back after all that work?! Do you know why you went back to it? I hate that relapse is always looming. It scares me. I can't physically or mentally go through this again. Insidious. Thats what tramadol is.
Cheryl-welcome! You are yet another person told that Tramadol is a "light" and non-addictive pain med. Did the doctor mention the antidepressant component it has? Or that it is HIGHLY addictive and will be**** to get off of? Do they realize or are these doctors really that clueless? That makes me so mad. You are an innocent victim b/c they SHOULD know and say all these things before giving it out like candy.
I dont feel so innocent. I never had a good reason to take it. No pain. I never had surgery. Just a silly root canal. Thats it. One weeks worth of Tramadol prescribed by a dentist and I liked it. ALOT. And when I looked it up online, BAM! Wow, you can order it without a prescription?! Scary. 4 years later, here I am. I'm just thankful I havent killed anyone! Driving while taking the amount I was taking(600mg+/day) was not smart. Dangerous! I am so ashamed that I used such poor judgement. I was hyper(yet drousy), jittery(yet sleepy) and should NOT have been driving a car. I did get into a few accidents, but luckily they were minor, but completely my fault and could have been worse. Thats just one of MANY examples of how Trams skewed my judgement. I am so ashamed. RECKLESS! Self focused. YUCK!
One other thing is that I was always sweating while taking trams-gross! Even when I was in a very cold room or outside in sub freezing temps. And my doctor told me that the 600mg/day was not enough after a while. I had such a high tolorance that I was in mild w/d all the time!! I didnt even realize it.
Sara- Im thinking of you. Keep in touch.
Anyway, good luck to all those in the midatlantic snow strom! I was hoping we'd get something in CT, but looks like a miss.
Hi Cheryl, thanks for your post! I'm on half a tab now until my neck sprain improves. It seems better today. I have 6 tabs left, and want to start a quarter dose (12.5 mg) this Monday. Did you have many withdrawal symptoms at that dose? How long did they last? I want to take a quarter tab for 4 days then detox. I'd like to be able to exercise then, so hope my neck is okay when I do. I don't mind the lethargy as much as I do the leg crawls at night.
I've found that coenzyme-q10 is helpful for balancing out energy levels. It works at the end of the mitochondrial chain to increase ATP production. It's essential for those taking Lipitor or other statins (which I do not). DHEA seems to help as well.
I started taking small doses of tramadol (can't handle more than 50-75mg/day tops, or I feel terrible anxiety), to deaden my lower back pain when performing rigorous physical activity, like working in the yard pulling/hacking vines and digging up stumps. I incurred chronic back pain years ago on a job which required physical therapy, but fortunately no cervical involvement. So now I'm ready to go off them for awhile and detox. I'll be at the dose you were when I do. I don't feel compelled to get any meds online (maybe it's because I'm a cheapskate [ha, ha].
bodegirl, don't be ashamed. I'm guilty of liking them too. Though I tell myself I'm 'mission-motivated,' and justify it by completing projects that require using tramadol to overcome procrastination resistance. And I never had a root canal (ha, ha).
Keep your sense of humor girl and don't beat yourself up about it. Hey when we send out valentines this year will they be heart-shaped tramadol tabs. :-)
My wd symptoms weren't as pronounced at 1/4 tab, but they were still there. I tried to take the dose as late in the day as possible, so that I could go to sleep. Once I was off of this crap, my pain was real and not wd pain. The wd pain was something I had never encountered before. I have lived with chronic back pain for over 30 years--I fractured my neck and spine on a trampoline. I have gone through surgeries before and never got "hooked" on meds. This drug is bad. I flushed my pills down the toilet and will never take another one! Now that I am off of Tramadol, I don't have to lay down in the middle of the day, due to the aches and pains that I used to get when it was "time" to take another dose. It is such a good feeling to be in control. Also, while on Tramadol, I found out that I was deficient in Vitamin D. My endo. dr. put me on 50,000 IU/week (1 pill). After only one dose, it made a huge difference in my energy level. I now take 1 pill every two weeks. I think every woman should be tested for Vitamin D deficiency, especially if you live anywhere but the tropics! I hope this helps. If you're down to 1/2 dose, you are almost there! Keep going and once you're off, don't go back to those pills. Be patient and proud because its not easy, but very rewarding after you've done it!!
It is surprising that so many doctors prescribe this drug and don't have a clue about its addictiveness. They must be getting a kick back from the pharmaceutical companies. I've read some of your comments and I think you're doing a great job. Don't be so hard on yourself.
I posted on January 29 as been my 5th day tram free, today is February 6 and I'm still tram free!!!! I still can't believe I've gone this far!!!! I had an addiction problem for 5 years, where I tried to quit maybe 3 or 4 times without a success :( but I'm pretty sure this time is real. I never ever! want to go back to the first 6 days of w/d I had suffer everything you can think of!!! Sore throat, coughing,sneezing all the time, body aches, headaches, anxiety, trouble sleeping,diarrhea, stomach pain, zero energy, and the worst!!! depression!!! and just for the records today at the 11th day my energy is back maybe 50 percent, no more w/d symptoms except for a little bit of anxiety, I get it in waves some days are better than others, I took Prozac for five days for my depression but I think it was making my anxiety worst I'm not sure so I didn't take it anymore. Bodegirl is right! doctors should never give this drug!!! anything is better than this I had w/d from Hydrocodone, vicodin, propoxiphen, ty3, and norco 10mg!!! and nothing compares with this evil pills, for me if evil exist this is it!!! it ruins your life and the ones you love! I had everything a house a job a car etc. right now I have nothing I lost everything! but I'm not giving up!!! I want to think that this 2010 is my year and I want to be pill free for the rest of my life!! I'm finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel!!! You guys keep the good work and never give up!!!
What a wonderful group of people. Funny how I already have a sense of "belonging" with a bunch of strangers than I ever do with my own family.
I appreciate everyone's kind words. Today is Saturday and I am used to upping my dose to enjoy the weekend. Well, I got up with energy this morning unlike when I was taking so many T's. I used to not be able to get out of bed. I got up, showered, took my vitamins (vitamin B, L-Tyrosine, 5 HTP) and didn't cave in and take an early pill to "kickstart" my day. I waited until 10:00 am and am still feeling well.
I am praying for each and everyone one of you. We can do this everyone, we really can. We just have to have the will power to stick to it and WANT it. I still have a full bottle upstairs and am not going to take more than I need to. I'm cutting down to 150 mg today. I'll probably have a few problems sleeping tonight but that's ok. I've decided to bring my taper dose down on Saturdays. That way I can have all of Sunday to get used to the lower dose.
I can do this! I feel great. I want to ensure thought that all of you who are trying to decide between tapering and C/T, I just want to share that it's so much easier tapering! It breaks my heart to hear about any of you suffering through the absolute pain and hell of w/d's from these things. I would rather pass another kidney stone, while going through nicotine w/d's in the middle of Iraw for a year than go through tramadol w/d. Don't suffer you guys if you don't have to. Take that 5-HTP, it really helps!!
Cheyl....I really don't think doctors get a kickback for tramadol,but because there are such limited choices for chronic pain relief and so many people with chronic pain....they want to believe the carp the drug companies give them.
I blame the regulators for not being more careful and not classing tramadol as a narcotic which it really is.
Apart from the NSAIDS,tylenol or opiates there is really no truly effective pain reliever and when a drug company comes out with something so wonderful as tramadol ...mild opiate....mildly addicting....never mind the antidepressant property...they think they have a wonderful drug to try.
Of course we know that tramadol is highly addicting and causes a high tolerance with a very long and difficult withdrawal.
Classing tramadol as a narcotic will not take away its properties,but will at least give the doctors and patients an idea of the potential for abuse and addiction.
I warn all my customers about the sneaky properties of tramadol,but they still want to try it because they have tried everything else.At least i warned them....
You are right Icandothis....people here are like a family and very sensitive and caring.
Welcome to the group and keep posting.
Every person's experiences are appreciated and we can keep going as a group and help each other.
Pharma9: On another post I suggested that St. John's Wort might help as well (also thought to increase 5-HT serotonin levels in the blood), but other posters cautioned that it could potentially lead to serotonin syndrome. Still, If you are completely off tram's for a day or 2, it can perhaps help. I'm not sure if 5-HTP use warrants caution in this regard, but is probably good to be aware of. Tramadol has also been shown to inhibit reuptake of norepinephrine, so maybe drinking an extra cup of coffee in the afternoon will be helpful for fighting the tram wd blues as well.
1:00 time for dose #2, still haven't caved, still feeling ok.
Pharma, you can't feel responsible for everyone else. You're right, you warned them, they can either heed your warnings or suffer like the rest of us have.
I know it's easy to blame the doctors too. I don't think that all doctors are cruel and just put people on this stuff just to shut them up. Sure some do but not all I don't think. I think pharma is correct, it's the damn drug companies themselves. Hell, I get an e-mail "reminder" on time from the online place letting me know that my script is ready for renewal, I get flyers in the mail abouth "pill sales and discounts on tramadol" etc. It's big business. 140.00 for a bottle of 180 so someone is getting rich somehwere. Bastards!
Hugs everyone! Have a great weekend, stay strong and eat some really good food. Think I'll make hubby take me out for Italian tonight!
Can anyone tell me more about the different type of vitamins available to help with the W/D symptoms? I tried melatonin for sleep last night and was greatly surprised that it actually worked! I was able to get 8 hours! But my energy level is wayyy low and I have a huge amount of snow to move..any suggestions would be great...my prayers and thoughts are with you all... we can do this!
I was tested for Vitamin D and was found to be deficient. (At the time, I was taking 2,000 IU a day) My doctor said that a lot of people are, especially if you don't live in warmer climates. He prescribed 50,000 IU/week (the daily is 400 IU). This is a time released gel cap, only taken once weekly. Patients usually take it for 8 weeks (8 pills), then get retested. I felt considerably better after only one dose. I am now on a maintenance level of one pill every two weeks. It has made a huge difference in my energy level and muscle aches and I think every woman should be tested. I am not sure if taking the daily recommended dose achieves the same benefits, but I needed to build up my "stores". I do not recommend taking this large dose without consulting your doctor and getting your blood drawn. It is worth the test, to see if this may be part of why your energy is low. I wouldn't doubt it if Tramadol decreases the level of Vitamin D. Prior to me taking this drug (for 2 years), my levels were in line. I take it you're on the east coast with all of that snow??
Yeah...We have gotten about 25 inches. I went out and cleared out most of the driveway. It's funny, without the tramadol, I wouldn't have even considered it. But I did and I feel a little better after the workout. Drinkin coffee and taking a breather. Do you know anything about Vitamin B? I heard someone on the blog say they took one under the tongue and said they felt their energy levels go up after taking this..Any help would be great..Thank you for your input!
Sorry, I didn't realize you were male, when I said "every woman should be tested"....One should never assume!!! I have many male friends that were tested and found to be deficient as well. Some of them have SAD disorder and the Vitamin D supplement helped them tremendously.
I don't know of any instant relief as you mentioned. It certainly wouldn't hurt to try that vitamin B under the tongue. I'm sure as members read your message, you'll get their suggestions. Everyone here is very helpful and supportive.
I'M 58 YRS OLD,HAVE HEP- C-.&.SIRRHOSSIS GOUT ARTHR.-DISC PROB.'CRAZY CRAZY!AND THE FUNNY THING IS WAS A HEROIN USER AND PROBABLE GONNA BE ON METHADONE AGAIN SOONER OR LATER IT ALSO HAS LESS SIDE EFFECTS THEN MOST PAIN RELIEVERS DONT LIKE THE IDEA AT ALL I WAS A METHADONE HATTER.JUST BEING REALISTIC!JUST FOR TODAY..FIRST TIME I'VE VOICED THAT PUBLICALLY NOT AT A NA MEETING.DISCUSS ALL THIS WITH MY SPONSOR
what to do about pinched nerve in back. Usually pain running down leg and around knee and ankle. I tried PT and oxi and soma for pain. After a few months pain under control. Recently had a major setback with low back pain and could not walk for a while. What do you think about tram 50 in am and oxi10-15 mg and soma in pm?
Post a Comment
Are you sure you want to delete your ?
You will no longer be able to add new data to this tracker.
The Content on this Site is presented in a summary fashion, and is intended to be used for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to be and should not be interpreted as medical advice or a diagnosis of any health or fitness problem, condition or disease; or a recommendation for a specific test, doctor, care provider, procedure, treatment plan, product, or course of action. MedHelp is not a medical or healthcare provider and your use of this Site does not create a doctor / patient relationship. We disclaim all responsibility for the professional qualifications and licensing of, and services provided by, any physician or other health providers posting on or otherwise referred to on this Site and/or any Third Party Site. Never disregard the medical advice of your physician or health professional, or delay in seeking such advice, because of something you read on this Site. We offer this Site AS IS and without any warranties. By using this Site you agree to the following Terms and Conditions. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your physician or 911 immediately.