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Dear future me

Jun 23, 2015 - 7 comments

Dear future me,
I guess im writing this because I’m doubting myself a lot at the moment. I have always doubted myself, but its scary when I look ahead and think that maybe things wont work out. Maybe I wont be as successful as I always hoped, and maybe I am not meant to be. Maybe I will just be a loser, who wastes her life away because she gave up on herself.

I wish it were possible to meet you in person and ask you how you did it; how you overcame this self-doubt. And I wish you could hug me and tell me it was going to be okay. I want you to know that this is real. There are so many times where I wonder whether I have always doubted myself or whether I am making it up. When I don’t doubt its not real, but when I do, it doesn’t get any more real. But its like I want it to be even more real. I want the doubt to be so real that i break town in tears.
Please dont read this and dismiss it thinking that it never happened or that its not important. It did and it was, because at this very moment of me writing this, you were doubting yourself. Yesterday it was the same, except you were at school. You went through that day feeling like an idiot, walking around school like everythings okay. But it wasn’t, because it was not just a small doubt, it was one that made you sad. It made you feel like your head was cloudy and you felt dumb and helpless. As if there was something wrong with you. But there wasn’t. You wanted someone to notice, but they don’t, they never do.  You don’t want to tell anyone because it doesn’t seem like a big deal. ‘Everyone doubts themselves, get over it’, you tell yourself. And you wish more than anything that you could tell your friends and for them to hug you tight and tell you that its going to be fine. But they may never do that, so you don’t
.
GET OVER IT. Does it seem like a problem? I guess not. Do I wish that I could just stop trying and give up on myself? Sure do. But I know I wont do that… because there is you. You, are all the hope I have for the future. You are allowed to be proud, so please, be.
Remember I wrote this because I want you to remember me. I want you to remember the thoughts that went through your head when you were young. I want you to remember the reality you lived in. I want you to hear yourself when you were doubting. But most of all, I want you to keep proving me wrong. Please Marcy, keep proving me wrong.
I cant wait to be you some day, literally, i cant wait for all this doubt to be over.

From your teenage self


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3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jun 26, 2015
ONE EVENING, AN ELDERLY
CHEROKEE BRAVE TOLD HIS
GRANDSON ABOUT A BATTLE THAT
GOES ON INSIDE PEOPLE.

HE SAID "MY SON, THE BATTLE IS
BETWEEN TWO 'WOLVES' INSIDE US ALL.
ONE IS EVIL. IT IS ANGER,
ENVY, JEALOUSY, SORROW,
REGRET, GREED, ARROGANCE,
SELF-PITY, GUILT, RESENTMENT,
INFERIORITY, LIES, FALSE PRIDE,
SUPERIORITY, AND EGO.

THE OTHER IS GOOD.
IT IS JOY, PEACE LOVE, HOPE SERENITY,
HUMILITY, KINDNESS, BENEVOLENCE,
EMPATHY, GENEROSITY,
TRUTH, COMPASSION AND FAITH."

THE GRANDSON THOUGH ABOUT
IT FOR A MINUTE AND THEN ASKED
HIS GRANDFATHER:

"WHICH WOLF WINS?..."

THE OLD CHEROKEE SIMPLY REPLIED,
"THE ONE THAT YOU FEED"

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jun 26, 2015
:) I remember reading that somewhere, I love it. Thanks Liz. I'll be fine, just one of those days... which we all have.
But guess what, im on holidays now. Have lots of work to catch up on, and im getting a desk put in my room. I am begging my mum so that we can make a start on it asap. I need to have that desk in my room to be able to organise everything. My mum said that while we are moving stuff around and taking stuff out, she wants to paint my room, so that will take even longer. But it has to be done latest before the end of next week. because i need to get started on my work. So i am being extremely persistent with it, because i know that if i dont she probably wont make a start til like the 2nd week of the holidays.  I cant wait to get it in, I feel like it is going to help me alot. Im excited!
I think I am going to make it Liz. Everything is going to turn out fine. And i am going to use these holidays wisely, but i will also make sure that i have fun and relax also.


Avatar universal
by ocdhelp, Jun 30, 2015
You're so young and so brave. You give me courage and motivation to get better. I wanted to give up. I also had self-doubting thoughts that were triggered by horrible anxiety but the people on this forum have helped me so much. I find so many brave people who are struggling but they don't give up. I have a lot to learn from you. Take care and stay happy.

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jul 01, 2015
Yeah that proverb particularly can be used to halt ineffective thinking... for me when i was having to quit something i used "it is not an option". It was simple and quick just to get me back on track. That's all that's needed. Otherwise you are just feeding the wrong wolf. right?

I'm really happy for you that you're getting a new desk for your room and it's nice that your mom want s to paint as well. What color are you painting your room? I just painted turquoise and baby blue for half my space, and gold for the other half.It's a huge room though.

I'm excited for you that you are going to be studying before you get back. Smooth move. Make it happen kid~~and keep up the good work with your diet and exercise program. Using the backyard makes a lot of sense. Imagine how many kids don't have a backyard to work out in. and count your lucky stars. I'm glad that you are being persistent about preparing a proper place to study. and organize your work. Have a great holiday.

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jul 01, 2015
Yeah that proverb particularly can be used to halt ineffective thinking... for me when i was having to quit something i used "it is not an option". It was simple and quick just to get me back on track. That's all that's needed. Otherwise you are just feeding the wrong wolf. right?

I'm really happy for you that you're getting a new desk for your room and it's nice that your mom want s to paint as well. What color are you painting your room? I just painted turquoise and baby blue for half my space, and gold for the other half.It's a huge room though.

I'm excited for you that you are going to be studying before you get back. Smooth move. Make it happen kid~~and keep up the good work with your diet and exercise program. Using the backyard makes a lot of sense. Imagine how many kids don't have a backyard to work out in. and count your lucky stars. I'm glad that you are being persistent about preparing a proper place to study. and organize your work. Have a great holiday.

Avatar universal
by CynthiaMarie14, Jul 03, 2015
That is amazing Marcy. You can make it! Things get so exciting when you graduate and get to make plans for your future. You keep it up! Im a mother of three teens in Los Angeles, it hasnt always been easy but my girl's love me and I have always promised to always be there for them and not to judge them. Just love them! You are stronger than you know, I know I am a stranger but I am so proud of your words, now you believe everyday in those words you wrote to your future self! You will have a wonderful life!

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 04, 2015
Thank you so much CynthiaMarie, that means so much to me. :)
I'm sure ill be writing a few others soon, put them in a little box, and wont look at them until I'm older...Maybe Ii'll open them in around 5 years? Goodness knows where I'll be in 5 years... but i sure do hope its great!

Thanks again xo

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