Jun 23, 2015
Dear future me,
I guess im writing this because I’m doubting myself a lot at the moment. I have always doubted myself, but its scary when I look ahead and think that maybe things wont work out. Maybe I wont be as successful as I always hoped, and maybe I am not meant to be. Maybe I will just be a loser, who wastes her life away because she gave up on herself.
I wish it were possible to meet you in person and ask you how you did it; how you overcame this self-doubt. And I wish you could hug me and tell me it was going to be okay. I want you to know that this is real. There are so many times where I wonder whether I have always doubted myself or whether I am making it up. When I don’t doubt its not real, but when I do, it doesn’t get any more real. But its like I want it to be even more real. I want the doubt to be so real that i break town in tears.
Please dont read this and dismiss it thinking that it never happened or that its not important. It did and it was, because at this very moment of me writing this, you were doubting yourself. Yesterday it was the same, except you were at school. You went through that day feeling like an idiot, walking around school like everythings okay. But it wasn’t, because it was not just a small doubt, it was one that made you sad. It made you feel like your head was cloudy and you felt dumb and helpless. As if there was something wrong with you. But there wasn’t. You wanted someone to notice, but they don’t, they never do. You don’t want to tell anyone because it doesn’t seem like a big deal. ‘Everyone doubts themselves, get over it’, you tell yourself. And you wish more than anything that you could tell your friends and for them to hug you tight and tell you that its going to be fine. But they may never do that, so you don’t
GET OVER IT. Does it seem like a problem? I guess not. Do I wish that I could just stop trying and give up on myself? Sure do. But I know I wont do that… because there is you. You, are all the hope I have for the future. You are allowed to be proud, so please, be.
Remember I wrote this because I want you to remember me. I want you to remember the thoughts that went through your head when you were young. I want you to remember the reality you lived in. I want you to hear yourself when you were doubting. But most of all, I want you to keep proving me wrong. Please Marcy, keep proving me wrong.
I cant wait to be you some day, literally, i cant wait for all this doubt to be over.
From your teenage self