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I think I am a mess...

Jan 30, 2010 - 1 comments




Really for my age, I am falling apart.  My back is so sore these days.  My lower back and across my shoulder blades.  I take whatever I can get my hands on for the pain.  I don't feel like I am an addict, but I take a lot of pills, from pain pills to stomach pills, anti-inflammatories...  really whatever I can get my hands on.  I don't mean to, I just find that I work better that way.  If I am out of prescriptions, I just take otc.  I have muscle relaxers, and sleeping pills and take them at night.  But if I am out of those I will take anything else.  However, I really do need them to function.
I have a job, and a life and I somehow manage to pull it together when I am in public (like the crying etc I save for at home when the children and man are not around), but when I am alone, I feel it... I cry and have horrible thoughts of how everyone around me would be better off without me.  I don't know why I am like this.  I feel sometimes like I want to cut my skin, and I know it is crazy so I don't, but I want to so bad.  It is so hard not to but I can't have the people find out what I am really like inside.  I just know that if my man knew how I was inside my own head, he would leave, and I would really be all alone.  WTF is the matter with me.  
I have to take something for this pain, in my head and in my back.  I really wish I had something more then the usual, because it is not working, I just to make up for the pain, had to take 5 tylenol muscle aches, and 5 robaxicet, and 5 motrin.  I hope it works soon.

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Avatar universal
by 10356, Jan 30, 2010
Hi sadmomma I'm sorry you feel so much pain physically and emotionally.. If you do not mind me suggesting you would be better off getting counseling Psychiatric if you need too to help you to deal with your thoughts and feelings.. depression often leads to physical pain.. speak to your Dr. Honestly as they are only as good as the information we give them.. this is a lot of medication and the robaxin is hard on the stomach along with the inflammations.. not to mention Tylenol.
I myself have gone this route and it was of a great benefit to my healing some of the emotional pain I have endured through the years.. I wish you peace within your spirit and hope you seek help to heal what is hurting you.. warmly lesa

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