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Note to self: Mentally preparing myself for this term

Jul 11, 2015 - 30 comments

Okay Marcy, you are going to be fine. I know you think that this term is going to be tough and it will be. You had your holidays, now time to get down to work. You want a successful future right? You want to not be so afraid of trying new things? You want to show everyone that you can improve?- Then get out there and conquer this term.  I know you think you can't, but I know you can prove yourself wrong. Have a little faith sweetie. You've got this, everyone else knows it.
You are going to smile and keep a positive mind through this term. No feeling sorry for yourself, no giving in to your doubtful mind, no giving into anything that keeps you from doing your best. I know you are better, I can feel it. It is going to be absolutely okay. Forget the past two terms at school, you didn't do your best and didn't try your hardest... doesn't mean you beat yourself up over it. Just make sure you prove to yourself and everyone that you are better now. Lets see how well you do with some dedication and consistency. Last time you did that I recall you did quite well.
Don't lose faith in yourself. When you set your mind to it, you actually do alright.

Even though school isn't going as well as it should, I am proud of you. You have come along way from the past few years. You have it in you. Keep going and keep taking steps forward.

Do you remember the last time you were proud of yourself?... Well use that as your motivation. Not every day will be as bright as others, but such is life. You are the only one who can create as many opportunities and options as possible for when you finish highschool.

YOU ARE GOING TO BE ABSOLUTELY FINE. Remember, not every thought or emotion you have has to be obsessed over and payed attention to. After all, you're only human. Let it go, be strong, and please, STAY FOCUSED.

S T A Y   F O C U S E D

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3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jul 11, 2015
Not every thought or emotion you have has to be obsessed over and paid attention to.

No truer words could be spoken.

Did you get your desk set up in your room? What color did you paint ?

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 12, 2015
Nope, mum told me it would happen, but it hasnt. I guess i always knew it. So I am very upset about that. And just yesterday she told me "Okay im going to buy the paint tomorrow". Did it happen? NOPE. I wanted to ring my uncle (because he gave my boxes so that i could pack things into to temporarily move them while we paint an whatever/ and also he is providing the desk.) so anyway i was thinking of calling him and asking him to help me get mum started or maybe he could help me with it.. but i didn't in the end.
I tried to tell mum that the desk would help me alot getting organised and staying focused and everything, but she just said "You're just making excuses!"
I dont think I am to be honest. I dont think things are going to change that much Liz. And i know so many people deal with alot less, I am aware of that... but I just feel like i need a proper place to study, where i have things neat and organised and am sitting with a correct posture in a chair, in my own little space where i can just FOCUS. I can imagine it in my head Liz. I see myself doing so well with this desk. I mean, my bed is for sleeping and chilling out. Its not for homework and study. Probably on eof the reasons why the motivation isnt there... Because i need a clear place in my room that I know is for work and work alone.
But doesn't look like it will be happening any time soon. And now that holidays are over, we will have less time to do it. I was so excited for it, and was so happy because I knew that things would change once its in. But its the day before school starts, and im beginning to see already that not much is going to change. It didn't last term, no matter how much i tried to motivate myself and do my work. Its just not enough.

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 12, 2015
I cant believe I am in year 11 and am just getting a proper desk NOW. I am so frustrated. And i know that we are running quite low on money and everything, but goodness we didnt even have to paint, why couldn't I just get the desk. We are getting the desk from my uncle anyway, so it wouldn't cost anything. And i kept telling my mum that we have to get the desk in before the end of the holidays, and she is like "okay we will see". I really feel like crying right now. I got my hopes up so high thats why. I always knew it was never going to happen. After all mum told me we were going to paint my room during the long 6 week holidays, and it didn't happen back then either. So i knew it, i always knew it.
I cant even explain how disorganised everything is Liz. Book are piled up on the floor, paper in between them which are not even in order. EVERYTHING IS EVERYWHERE. And i know i made a huge mistake the last two terms at school not making a bigger effort to get everything together, but everytime i tried  my head was just all over the place. I guess i was trying to do everything at once maybe... who knows..
Im going to keep smiling though, going to try to keep a happy and positive attitude. I dont want to be the negative and serious person all the time. Things should get better soon. I dont know when, but they'll get better.

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 12, 2015
Wow sorry i didn't mean to go off like that.. sorry i was quite frustrated as you can tell. I'm feeling a bit better now about tomorrow. Well later today, haha, because its 1am. I was up late sorting out papers that i had lying around and putting them in the correct subject's folder. No student gets much sleep the night before school starts again, so i knew i wouldn't be sleeping much anyway. So its all good.
I think if im going to get through this term, im going to have to learn how to get myself out of those really doubtful states alot faster, like i was in above. I woke up quite anxious yesterday morning, so i guess i kind of worked myself up into that state throughout the day.

Anyway, I hope my first day goes okay. Its now time to redeem myself, as much as i hate to admit it, for slacking off the last 6 months. Time to steer myself in the right direction. Its not perfection i need to be striving for, just progress and improvement.  :)

5575813 tn?1452484685
by Hollus, Jul 12, 2015
Amen Marcy and you can do it! Just remember that you have a lot more power and control than you think. You can choose how you react to any given situation or emotion!
Did you end up getting the desk? Do you have some OCD? I wonder if it might help to have some meds for situations where you are excessively anxious and panicy. My spouse uses them and they just take the edge off enough that she can calm down and focus.

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 13, 2015
Thanks Hollus. Nope still havent gotten the desk yet. I dont think it will be for a while, unfortunately... but i guess i just have to deal without it.
I just doubt myself so much at times, its crazy. Im not sure if i have OCD, I mean i may have some unusual things i feel like i have to do, but im only human i guess. I obviously still get anxious quite easily, but i jist need to get my head into it and make sure that I remember what im working towards. Its a matter of me deciding that I dont want to feel that way maybe? I dont know, but im probably not that bad that I need meds.

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jul 13, 2015
Listen Marcy, remember i told you that part of your anxiety and circumstances is BECAUSE of nurture? versus nature right? Your mother was told by your Assistant Vice Principal, or Vice Principal, (I forget which) that you needed to get straightened out and organized at home. Right? It is your Mom's responsibility to help you prepare to do your best in high school. For whatever reason, she fails the grade in caring enough. I'm sorry, this seems to be the way of it. Does she love you a lot? Yes, Is this because of YOU that you're mom is not perfect ? NO, Is this a good trait that your mom has to procrastinate ? No, Could you be following her example during these last couple  few years ? Yes, Is this your fault ? NO, Kids mimic their parent's. Is it worth getting mad at your mom (after begging for the desk). Probably won't get you anywhere, but I'd rather you get to the point of smelling a rat, calling a rat a rat, then to be hurt by your mom's lack of empathy for your situation. Honey, you've been going around in circles for SO LONG wondering why oh why am I so unorganized. It's because, likely, that you have no one in your home that is committed to excellence, like you yourself have been striving for. You had your Uncle's wife try to help you with your studies , right? This is the same Uncle and Aunt, right?

Listen about your mom, not everybody is perfect, but guess what.? You can try to do your best, even though those around you do not do theirs, And by your mother not making paint and a desk a priority at this point , then she's got a few problems of her own, that are far worse than your lack of organization. I remember well how much work there is in high school. I can't believe that she is not bending over backwards to have made this happen for you. Many times parents miss stuff honey, crucial important things that they should be hearing from their kids. You could do one of two things, (imo) you can write a letter to your mom, and hopefully motivate her to pick up on the queue that it is her job to provide you with a desk and a quiet place to work. OR, you can get a hold of your Aunt, and open up and do cry if you feel like it, Tell your Uncle you'd like to talk to your Aunt, who HAS taken an interest, or your Uncle who has taken an interest, IN YOUR EDUCATION.


The first thing that i want you to do, is to continue to envision the desk and the paint color in your room. If nobody wants to buy the paint, don't paint. If anyone offers, pick your colors and tell whomsoever, that you will do the painting yourself.

Second, get on the phone, email, or text, and tell your Uncle how your mom has made you feel. Tell him of the frustration, exactly as you've done so here. Or your Aunt. And YES YES YES< GET THEIR HELP TO GET THAT DESK IN YOUR ROOM PRONTO. iT COSTS THREE DOLLARS FOR A 2 BY 4. Please tell your Uncle that you need some cheap shelving ,that you would be happy with a 2 by 4 , hung on the wall, just so that you can organize your room.

PLEASE Marcy. Do it now !!!!

Don't be sad, about your mom. She obviously cannot help this flaw she has where your education or your needs are concerned. or your grama for that matter. Because I'm sure she knows what's going on, and if it was in her, she would have said something by now. So talk to the ones that have proven and put some time into helping you with your studies.

The lack of organization has EVERYTHING TO DO WITH YOUR PROBLEMS WITH SCHOOL WORK. Do you remember every teacher you talked to saying so.? Tell your Uncle that.  Your mom is wrong, and she can be wrong. And loved ones can let you down. You still love them, but you would simply be enabling your mom to be a bad mom if you did not smell this rat, and spell it out to someone who can help you.



3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jul 13, 2015
Please Marcy don't jump on the drug bandwagon to numb you against simple problems in your life, like a desk and a shelving unit. No you might not be able to have a fancy or expensive shelving unit, YET, not until you can get yourself through school, that is, and off to a FABULOUS HIGH PAYING JOB THAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF GETTING..

I deal with all kind of people on a daily basis, who take prescription drugs, when they are unnecessary. There are all kind of young people getting diagnosed with myriad of problems, that are on the lessor rather than greater scale of any given condition., (if there is a condition at all). Your teachers believe in you that you are in the right grade, i believe that you are too!!!! You need to surround yourself with people that are supportive of you and your education since that's your job right now. If you can't get that at home, you reach out, just like you did here. That's why you got me kid. That's why I'm here to stay. That's why you reached out to the counselors, who believed that you didn't need drugs to get through your problems with your "problems" . They clearly have told you for two years your "problem" was organization. That is the main problem to you getting your stuff together.  You know that. This is not about you missing your dad, This is about you being disorganized. That's not to say, that you couldn't use someone to talk about , about personal things, but NOT HAVING ORGANIZATION IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW, is paramount to FAILURE for you. As i said, the teachers have ALL said it, including the Vice Principal.

BEFORE YOU EVER TAKE  A DRUG, OR CONSIDER TAKING A DRUG, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO EVERY SINGLE THING IN YOUR POWER TO FIX ANY GIVEN SITUATION. Most drug addicts start on prescription drugs. My kid was taken aside when he was a kid,  and  we were told he had "ADHD" They give methl to kids who have ADHD
surely a gateway drug if ever there was one. In high school his doctor prescribed him something for his nerves, he stayed on it for a year, and got a "tick" his leg would jump when he was sitting still. WHY? because nobody was there to talk to him about what he was bothered about? I cared. b ut i wasn't perfect. I allowed him to go on medication, and he had such a hard time getting off of it. It didn't do anything dramatically to help him.

You don't have huge anger issues, where people are scared of you and feel it a necessity to drug you ? right?
Don't buy into it Marcy. Life is hard. When it is, YOU TALK TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY that have the CAPACITY TO CARE AND EMPATHIZE WITH YOU. I'm sure in many cases , your mom and grama are there for you,
but CLEARLY they are not when it comes to your main problem (as was told to them by professionals) and that is ORGANIZATION.

In short baby girl, i'm glad I asked, and i"m SO GLAD that you opened up SO ELOQUENTLY ,  SO BEAUTIFULLY , YOU MADE ME CRY, i just wish that I was your Aunt and I could be there for you.

BUT i CAN Be there, and right now honey, don't be sad honey. Your mom let you down. So probably has your grama. Maybe your grama taught your mom how to say stuff like "You're making an excuse , when all your paperwork is laying in piles on your bed. You know? BUT THAT'S THEM. You can love them, but don't respect people for their views, if they are clearly missing the whole point.

You are not your mom, 'nor your grama. You are more than that. You're both of them put together with a little bit of spice, and you're on your way to your best life. Be sad shortly, and be happy for lifetime getting out of this world, exactly what you want.

What you want, is what winners want.
'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU for getting to this point without the use of drugs. You cry some , you stumble, but you have gotten to what's REAL all by your self.  In other words, what i'm saying honey is this,. You have come SO FAR, and you've done this DESPITE your mom and grama having their heads up their arses. And i say this with love, because we are ALL capable of missing the point sometimes . That's the human condition. Forgive them, for they know not what they do. (or don't do).

Don't get overly mad, because you would be adding Injury to Insult. Have you heard that saying? "Adding insult to injury" Making something worse? by adding to it.? You can't make this better by getting mad. you might get things to change faster, but the original problem of your mom not empathizing or doing what the principle told her to do (get you organized) will not go away , by being sad or angry. The facts will remain the same.

What you can do, is not to follow what is called "systematic dysfunction" You DO NOT HAVE TO BLINDLY FOLLOW THE TREND OF BEING mindless. You should feel your sadness, to a degree. Not to the degree of letting it harm you anymore. Should you get mad at yourself for not having a desk in your room until grade 11 ? NO NO NO
NO
It's not your fault. You're a kid. You were following by example. But , you've grown up Marcy. you're not a little girl anymore , please know that this in not Late in the game for you to realize that other people, other than your mom for example, should be taken more seriously than what your mom, for example, has to say on the subject of ie. you using having no desk as an excuse. You made your own excuse for not having a gym pass, but you thought about it, and understood that your mom couldn't afford a pass, and what did you do ? You went out in the backyard and worked out~~~ You are growing in to an INCREDIBLE SELF STARTER, AND I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR ABOUT ALL THE FUN YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE THIS TERM????


Will this affect this upcoming term for you? NO, your uncle is going to get this desk into your room, just make sure you tell ask him to please bring his electric drill so that you can put up a three dollar 2 by 4 so that you can organize your papers properly . That's very important right? It's a must when it comes to mini offices.

Your bed needs to be your place to unwind. You figured that out too. Listen Marcy, the next time that you cut yourself up, i want you to answer ONE QUESTION. How come you have come to so many adult conclusions on your own? So many things that even your mom and grama just DON"T apparently GET?

It's because you're a smart girl Marcy. And it's NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU TO DO WELL IN GRADE 11 and 12. Stick with the winners. You're one of them. So am I. I helped to propel my now 27 year old son through University. he got his BA (3 years) > Then i talked him into getting a Construction Engineer Designation. (3 year) He's going into his 2nd year in September. You have to have people that want to push you, and aren't afraid to say what you need to hear. So far, in your life, lit's me, and your other friends on Medhelp, It's your teachers, It's your guidance teacher, it's your aunt and uncle. That's more than enough support for one child. YOU ARE GOING TO BE ALIRGHT> AND LOOK FORWARD TO THAT FEELING GOOD FEELING THAT YOU'RE GOING TO GET, CAUSE YOU MY GIRL ARE WHAT THEY CALL

A GO GETTER. You did that. YOU. You pushed yourself to reach out here and there, and you have all the support you need.

I just love you kid. You're just GREAT~~~!~~~ You're such a great great young lady. and i' am SO proud of you. for EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE RIGHT NOW, DISORGANIZED AND ALL.That will pass . Now get to work and talk to your uncle and/or aunt. maybe you might feel more comfortable talking to your Aunt. Your call. Don't you dare feel like you are talking behind your mom's back. That would be silly. and it would be enabling stupidity. Enough of that. You have no time to lose, You need your bed to be your resting place, once and for all.
'

xoxoxoxoxoxxdo LIZ

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jul 13, 2015
The first thing that i want you to do, is to continue to envision the desk and the paint color in your room. If nobody wants to buy the paint, don't paint. If anyone offers, pick your colors and tell whomsoever, that you will do the painting yourself.

Okay, so no you don't have to paint yourself, but if your uncle busy the paint (and it's cheap honey) then accept it graciously and ask him to teach you how to paint a room. Never let a man do a job that you can do, unless it is as an example that you can learn from,. And you can learn best, by getting in there and helping.

(your future husband and kids, (especially your kids, as you now know so well) WILL APPRECIATE IT IF YOU CAN MOTIVATE YOURSELF TO PAINT A ROOM AND PUT UP A BOOKSHELF. So, take it as an opportunity to learn, You'll feel REALLY good about it, if you roll up your sleeves and get involved. I promise you.

xoxoxox

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jul 13, 2015
You don't have to be mad at your mom. to get this thing done (that was suggested that you do years ago). Just know that your mom and grama are for food and shelter, and not necessarily capable of motivating you to do your very best. It's not the worst thing in the world, No when there are so many others who will. and do.

My mother never ever cared to ask me how my day went, or what homework , but she also didn't provide a safe home or a long term address while I grew up. You've got two out of three and two out of three ain't bad.


3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jul 13, 2015
By the way, after high school you and your college friends will be out on the weekends dancing, and that does a whole lot for what ails ya!!!! There's so much fun coming up for you Marcy, traveling the world, getting excited about the one direction you want to get into in college, (no more studying a whole bunch of stuff that you won't need) You'll be living with friends your own age, You can get a student loan to go to college, you never mind about worrying about how you'll get there, or whether you can afford to go. You have dating coming up, and making friends in college that will last a lifetime. Friends that you'll travel with and meet your dating prospects from...

My son just got back from hiking in the tropical forests in south Japan with his girlfreind. It cost him $7.00 for the air fare. The reason, ? He went to Paris for Christmas, to meet his girlfriends parents, and on the way home, the flight was too full for them, so they asked him if they could both miss the flight and fly out in the morning.:? When that happens the airlines start to ask people if they would miss their flight and put them up in a hotel suite (a nice one) and they also gave them $1300 each for missing their original flight. Then when they went to get on THAT flight the next morning, it happened again, The airline had booked too many people, AGAIN. So they got another night in a hotel and ANOTHER $1300. for missing the flight again. Not a bad way to waste a couple of days in NEW YORK. They had flown over the ocean and gotten to New York , where they were going to take another little flight from New York City to Toronto where we live. So they both got 2500 in free flights. They went to Japan for Jesse's 27th birthday, FOR FREE ~~~~ and they get to go to Austrailia or wherever their hearts take them for Christmas. Everyday with my son is his birthday and Christmas rolled into one. So i'm happy that he's got so many WONDERFUL MEMORIES.

He's doing all this, simply going to University for 3 years and then taking this Construction Engineering Course (for 3 years.) All on Student Loan. If you ever have to take a minimum wage job, if you owe money on student loans, these government loans are not expected to paid, until you're doing well financially. So you can go to school honey, to college or university, and get to do something really fun for  a job. THAT"S WHAT YOU"RE FIGHTING FOR>

Maybe your grama and mom didn't get to go to College or University. I didn't do more than a year in college myself. My son was the first in the family to go to University or to a long term college course. Mayber you're the first to go to College yourself, or University. and that's why your mom and grama don't know too much about doing more than just getting through school and doing a menial labour job.? Maybe that's why their not pushing you , you know?

But I know and your teachers KNOW HOW IMPORTANT YOU NOT ONLY GETTING YOUR HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA  but to get and stay excited ABOUT THE POSSIBILITIES THAT CAN HAPPEN FOR YOU AFTER YOU GET IT.

It's important that you're excited, and you will be . This year will challenge you to do your best work. That's an exciting place to be Marcy. I'm happy for you.

I'm sorry if you think i was too hard on your mom,  I honestly don't mean to be. I'll be mad for  a bit at your mom, instead of you, how's that grab ya? lol

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 17, 2015
No no no dont worry, i dont think you were too hard about my mum. I completely understand what you're saying, and i agree with you. Thank you for writing all this Liz, i needed a little spark in my day the other night, and i read this and it made me so happy. THANK YOU!
So, i thought that before i gave my uncle a call i would ask my mum one last time. I asked her the other day, and she said okay. But i was scared that she had forgotten about it again, so i asked her yet AGAIN, and we have decided that we arent going to paint (at least not until the 6 weeks of holidays at the end of the year), and that we are just going to get the desk in. Mum said on Sunday we can get the desk from my Uncle's (he will probably be busy anyway) and set it in my room then. Its going to happen this Sunday!!  I told my mum that it has to happen this weekend, and i guess its strange for her for me to give the orders this time, but if i dont it wont end up happening! So i am being serious with her. And if it for some reason doesnt happen this weekend or my mum puts it off again, then ill go straight to calling my Uncle. I know his girlfriend, Elaine, will understand. So thats the plan. :)

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 17, 2015
I know that once i start seeing change in my attotudes towards school i will improve. I just need to try harder and stress less. Haha. Everyone knows that I have it in me, but i have just never been able to show them. So i am hoping i will be able to eventually. But as well make MYSELF proud of course too.

Oh and also the reason why i need it to be this week for the desk, is because in around 2 weeks i have a couple of assessments going on... and goodness how amazing would it be if i actually earned myself an 'okay' mark? I would feel on top of the world! We'll see what happens.

I'm sorry i replied so late Liz, i read these messages the day they were sent, i promise you, but didnt have time to write back.  

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 18, 2015
Actually turns out it wont be happening this Sunday, but we will be emptying part of my room so that we can get the desk in... so i guess soemthing is better than nothing. And well my uncle came over and mum and i ended up arguing about it with her saying "stop using it as an excuse" again. So well so much for my uncle agreeing with me, he took mums side instead. Goodness all this fuss over getting a desk is seriously making me think that maybe i just havent tried hard enough to change my organisation. But then at the same time i know ive tried, and this whole thing of being disorganised started when i stopped working at my desk (a mini desk i used to have).

Heres the story:
In the beginning of year 7, i was doing well and was extremely organised, but it took 2 hours for me to complete my work. Now they say in year 7 that we should only be doing 30min-1hour of homework a night.. i was doing double that. But thats how long it took me.But I was doing well, and i was happy. And then i remember i went to Argentina for a 4 week holiday, when we returned we brought one of my grand uncles from there. So he stayed in my room and i slept on my mums couch. It was a crappy uncomfortable couch, and i slept and did my homework on that couch for almost a term. That led me to staying up til midnight everynight until i actually finished. I was determined. Then when that uncle went back to Argentina, i moved back into my room and i didnt do my homework on my desk anymore. I'd do it on my bed instead. Then the whole anxiety thing popped up, and things just went downhill from there. I sound terrible, because its not my uncles fault (the one from argentina), but that shows that with a desk i would probably be doing alot better. And i try to tell my mum but she doesnt get it.

I thought my uncle (the one who lives in australia) would, but he doesnt. So, also my mum wants to wash my curtains and clean my window; with the weather these days the curtains will not dry, and also knowing her she will put it off for another goodness knows how long. And she also said that we cant do much tomorrow because we are getting a bunch of wood delivered to the house for our wood heater, and we have to stack that up in the backyard. So there are the excuses once again. But im going to keep pushing her to get something done. But i know that i cant rely on my uncle anymore thats for sure.

Maybe im being impatient. I dont know, i just want it asap. And mum said it would be done over the holidays, and that obviously didnt happen... so im finding it very hard to believe what she tells me. And honestly, i have a time limit. Im giving it an absolute max of 2 weeks. If its not in by then, i am absolutely going to crack it!


3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jul 22, 2015
Listen Marcy, set up your stuff on the dining room table until you get your desk, can you do that ?
i'm sorry that your Uncle took a stupid pill and didn't back you up
and while i appreciate that you gave up your room to your uncle and don't blame him for your marks going downhill, the fact is that it was when you didn't have a dedicated place to study you started to falter, those are the facts,
let anyone say whatever they want, you know the truth, and becoming an adult also means that you do recognize fault in other people, you're no longer naive, and you know when something isn't right
the adults in your life are letting you down some, it happens , it hurts, but it happens.
use it to remember not to let your own child down in the future, and you'll have learned a valuable lesson


3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jul 22, 2015
take your papers and put them all on the dining room table, and organize them as you would if you did have a shelf.
You know what a shelf is only a piece of wood.
if you have $20 you can get a couple of shelves at the hardware store, and a couple of brackets.
Bug your mom for that. Tell her you'd really appreciate having a place to put your books, and keep your papers organized.
Can you talk to your grama,? Is she able to bring you to the hardware store and get a couple of pieces of wood, and a couple of brackets to put them up ? Have you had a heart ot heart with your grama ? are you close at all. ?
The squeaky wheel get's oiled Marcy
bug them til it happens. Stay tough. Say things like, please mom instead of getting me anything for Christmas or my birthday, please just make this desk happen, Go to the guidance counselor immediately and let her know that you were told to get organized, but you can't even get a desk and some shelves (and DONT" FORGET THE SHELVES) in your room. Cry, tell her how you feel. Please don't be shy or embarrassed.
Can you talk about this with the Guidance Counselor. Tell them exactly what you told me about having to spend a term on your couch, and where things went bad for you. Can you do that. Be honest with an adult about how you feel about when you took the wrong turn in your education? Can you care enough about this to commit to doing that?

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jul 22, 2015
What's happening ? did you get the room cleared out and have they told you when you get your desk?
You've started school already right? How is that going? It must be good to see your friends ...and teachers.

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jul 22, 2015
I shouldn't have put pressure on you to "care enough" of course you care for goodness sake. Sorry Marc. Oops. See, everybody makes mistakes. No biggie. Just apologize and mean it.
If and when you do feel like talking to your Guidance Counselor, ,tell them how you feel, and talk about when things went wrong in your studies. I think it's  a huge breakthrough for you to know when and how things went wrong, And don't feel that talking about having to sleep on the couch is saying anything bad about your grand uncle visiting. It's just a fact of life, nothing to feel bad about talking about...
Tell me about SCHOOL, how are things going?

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 24, 2015
Things are going okay... i still tend to stress ALOT before i have to speak in front of the class. I mean i havent had an 'oral presentation' necessarily (like one that is rehearsed and well prepared), but as part of my Physical Education class we have to coach the Year7s for their upcoming netball competition where they will be competing against the other classes in their year level. There are 3 parts to the assessment; First, we had to coach our own classmates through a netball drill. Second, we have to coach the Year 7s. And lastly, their is a written report.
And for some reason i was stressing like crazy earlier today because i was scared of talking to the year 7s. Can u believe that?! They are so little and cute, and I was scared. I did that speech in front of their entire year level a couple of weeks ago, and i was still stressing talking to around 15 or even less of them. My friend was telling me not to stress, but it was hard not to. And the same thing happened when i was coaching my own P.E class. It was just all Self-Doubt and fear of what everyone else thought of me.
And thats just what happens when i have to talk in front of a certain amount of people , its not just the getting nervous before actually doing it... its the night before that it builds up, and the next morning. But honestly Liz, i stress so much about those little things, that i walk around like a depressed person. Then as soon as its over, im alright again.

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 24, 2015
I dont really feel like many people like me in my year level. I kind of just sit in english class for example, and while many of the other girls contribute to class discussions i listen to them. I think the rest of the class think im one of those awkward quiet girls who never does her work. And well what else can i expect them to believe when mozt of the year thats all i have shown them. They dont like me  And they are all so much smarter. Its as if i dont belong in most of my classes, I'm just there. I hate it. I feel like people are disliking me less and less everytime.  

My teacher though, oh gosh, I can see thats she has so much faith in me. She doesnt give up and often picks on me in class to try and get ideas out of me. Truth is im too scared to say anything. Like what if its wrong, or i make a.mistake or seem dumb. Which i already feel anyway, to have it proven would be horrible. I hate letting her down i really do. I hate not being able to show anyone what i am capable of. But maybe what i imagine myself being capable of is actually perfection, and i havent quite realise it yet... maybe thats what im doing wrong. But i know that once things improve ill be able to show them once and for all. I dont know if ill improve enough to give me hope for next year... but we will see.

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 24, 2015
So apart from that, i guess school is going okay. I have 4 important tests next week. Well everyone of the students does. Haha.
But anyway, i have the weekend to do some studying for them. And i wont be going anywhere this weekend. Dont think im even going to the gym. I might just do a quick workout outsidr or in my room. But i need to pass these. I need to do better than ive done, and if i let myself down again, then i dont think i will forgive myself. Ill study as much as i can, and of course have breaks too.

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Jul 24, 2015
Good for you Marcy, YES do your very best studying, and i just know things will work out for you, you thrive when you do your best work....

You are always saying that you feel bad because you need to catch up, but are you not taking new courses since going back to school. ? Once the course is over for the term, it's unlikely that you'll ever need to revisit the topis again, so you don't need to worry about them , at all. Right?

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 26, 2015
Sort of, I guess. But for english for example, there are impirtant things that i need to practice for the end of year exams, and especially for next year. And Maths, the exam is on the whole years work, so i need to revise that properly. I think the rest of the subjects are another Unit or area that we are working on. So i guess maths and english are what are worrying me. Yet they are the subjects i sometimes tend to focus on the most. But if we fail english we dont continue on to the next year. So i know i need to work hard.

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 26, 2015
Thanks Liz. :) I hope they work out. I guess during the weekends its easier to not be so worried. I feel pretty good.

And also i want to plan my lunches for the week later. I live making my own lunch. The only meals im in control of are breakfast, morning snack, lunch, and afternoon snacks. Dinner is made by mum or grandma, so i dont mind them making whatever they want. But i like being in control of most of what i eat. I make sure that i eat healthy, drink enough water, and it makes me feel good. :) I love learning hoe to cook things. Because when we did food technology in school i was always scared that i was going to burn myself or make a mistake or something. So that sort of threw me off cooking, and i never liked it. But now that i love looking after myself, i want to try new things, learn new techniques. And as i said, make my own lunches.
Im sorry Liz, I feel like im making you dizzy. One day im fantastic, the next im doubting myself so much. And then in another two days im good again. NOT EVERY EMOTION OR THOUGHT HAS TO BE PAID ATTENTION TO. Im going to keep that in my head. Lets hope it sticks. I guess i need to suck it up and just keep going with my day.


4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 26, 2015
I think what makes me happy is writing. I should probably write more. I mean i have to do a piece on the topic of 'reality' for english class, and its sort of like a write-whatever-you-want type of thing and however you want. As long as it has something to do with the prompt we are given on reality. Im not big on fantasy pieces as my imagination isnt that good. I like writing things that are meaningful and creative in a way too. And yesterday i wrote a piece on Alzheimers disease. I mean the task was to create a piece involving someone with a sheltered reality. Memory affects someones reality, so ta-da! I have seriously limited my brain to 2 topics (Alzheimers disease and the Homeless), and i just want to write the best beautiful piece on one of them. And i know not everything has to be meaningful, i know i have to sometimes just do what i need to do. But i feel like I have it in me, its just a matter of me putting it together.
But its like i dont want to show it to the teacher because i dont want her to see that 'meaningful' side of me. Like i dont want to attempt to write a meaningful piece  and then fail. That would be embarrassing. Sorry if im not making sense...

4059843 tn?1541422896
by mishymoshymarcy, Jul 26, 2015
Sorry for telling you so much. Going to get back to work now. This is the first weekend in a while that i have done this much work. This may just motivate me for this week. Ill try my best to be positive and happy this week. I can do it.

3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Aug 06, 2015
Number one Marcy, Don't be sorry about taking me dizzy, that's not the case at all, i know when you're down you will get up and things will be better. you're a fighter and that's what fighter's do...:)

I dont' want you to feel bad about thinking negative thoughts , we all have had negative thoughts and still do,
So it's not about not having negative thoughts, because we all do...
we think of statements to help like ,, it's all what you do with negativity, it's how you handle it...
but you're NOT BAD for having negative thoughts, you're not bad for as long as it takes you to learn how to move through negative thoughts, We all have to TRY moving past negativity... ALL of us., there's no one judging you as to how fast you get though them, it's only that others that have learned how to be PRAGMATIC realize that there's no value to feeling guilty about ANYTHING.. all that anyone that takes to time to walk through this stage , or the next  , of your life with you
only wants to help you realize that IT's NORMAL to have negative thoughts, and it take PRACTICE to move through them.

You're getting to be very good at moving through negative thoughts, please dont' EVER Think you need to apologize for what we've all gone through, or you'd be missing the point that your friends only care about you and helping you get through certain stages of your life as happily as you can........


3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Aug 06, 2015
Interesting, A Sheltered Reality about either Alzheimer's or Homelessness...Memory affects someones reality, so ta-da!

Very interesting, Be true to yourself. TRUST your Instincts.

i dont want her to see that 'meaningful' side of me. Like i dont want to attempt to write a meaningful piece  and then fail.

I think as a writer, it's very important for any piece to be authentic, so if you authentically think that YOUR take on the subject matter is that is IS a meaningful subject, then you HAVE to make it a meaningful piece in order to be authentic...

I'd love to hear what happened with this piece. Did you do well with the mark? Did you spend too much time on the piece (did you prioritize your time well, not taking away from other "pieces " that required more time)


3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Aug 06, 2015
That would be embarrassing. Sorry if im not making sense...

Number one, Trust me, as you grow you will learn not to be embarrassed at all about your writing, as you evolve and develop in age, in your life, , it will only be about collaboration and not about a marking system.... have no fear...

Second, YOU ALWAYS MAKE PERFECT sense, and the more that you grow, the more you will,


3060903 tn?1398568723
by Nighthawk61, Aug 06, 2015
Sorry for telling you so much. Going to get back to work now. This is the first weekend in a while that i have done this much work. This may just motivate me for this week. Ill try my best to be positive and happy this week. I can do it.

Please Marcy, i've been begging for you to talk about your classes, and your feelings , thank you for sharing with me. You must you know if you expect anyone to help you, and everyone needs to have people that are dedicated to hearing about your feelings and motivating you to get through temporary set backs.. that my friend, is what FRIENDS are for........

Even though this is a bit late for this subject... i'm really proud to hear how your days and weeks go ,
the subjects and the particulars and  the flow of it ,,

I'm proud of all that you are doing and being accountable for in a such an adult way...


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