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Feb 13, 2010 - 0 comments

So it's Saturday morning and again I'm sitting here at the computer waiting for Allan to get up.  I wasn't as grumpy this morning when I was woken up by that damn mask!  I wanted to call Mom anyway so I talk to her for an hour this morning.  After 2 hours I decided I had to eat breakfast.  I tried the new Stevia sweetener that I bought yesterday, absolutely pure with no other ingredients and it was good.  It's just that it's way too hard to measure the serving size of 1/40 of a tsp!!  At first I didn't put enough, then with an extra sprinkle I overdid it.  I'm going to have to find a way to correctly measure to my taste so it can be consistent in my morning tea.  

I haven't gotten on the scale yet, but I'm not at all excited that I weighed 3 lbs. less yesterday than Thursday because I know that my weight fluctuates day to day by several pounds and I can be back up there today.  

It sort of bugs me that we do nothing on Saturdays and Allan is just happy sitting around doing nothing.  I would love to go to the mall or something, just to walk around.  I sit here all week and would like a little variety, but every day is the same.  The only variation we get is when we are traveling, or when we go to the movies.  I'm not a big movie fan and I don't like sitting hour after hour, but that's what we do because it's what he likes to do.  Maybe today I'll ask if we can go see the local mall that I haven't been to yet...

So we have dinner reservations tonight to celebrate Valentine's Day and our first anniversary!  We decided to go tonight instead of tomorrow when the restaurants will be busy.  I prefer going out on a Saturday, anyway.  I hope to make smart choices, which is hard to do in an Italian restaurant!  Carbs, carbs, carbs in bread and pasta!  I will make an effort to skip bread, order salad and either avoid pasta altogether or make it a side dish.  We've never eaten anything other than pizza at Joey's so I have no idea what the food is like.  I don't like eating out because I don't trust what's being fed to me, calories, fats, chemicals, etc. and actually prefer to cook my own food, but I do like to go out for an occasion.  

I'm proud of myself that I've cut down a whole lot on alcohol and haven't had a drink since Tuesday night.  Ever since I drank that hot cinnamon Schnapps and got a bad case of heartburn the next day, I haven't really wanted to drink anything.  I'm hoping that my body will detox and the weight will come off much easier.  I truly believe it's been all the alcohol that has messed up my metabolism.  In previous years, I drank to dull the pain, but in the last two years I've been drinking to celebrate my new, wonderful life.  I don't know why I feel so special when I have a martini glass or a wine glass in my hand, but it's always made me feel like I had some sort of class.  Pretty dumb.  I guess there's always some part of us that wants to feel like we're somebody.

Oh well, off to start my day.  Allan woke up and said we can go to the mall.  I wish I could learn to open my mouth more.  I'd be much happier when I can vocalize my wants.  I don't know why I'm so afraid to ask for things.  Allan is nothing like my ex husband, thank God!!

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