Jul 09, 2008
Day 19 Tramadol Withdrawal;
Best Day so far, and I might as well write about it so I remember it. Really best embodied by;
Cue Nina Simone's " Feelin' good ...."
Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
reeds driftin' on by you
know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
And I'm feeling good
Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom on the tree you know how I feel
Dragonfly out in the sun
you know what I mean,
don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun
you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
That's what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
Stars when you shine you
know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
If you haven't heard this song, listen to it.Nina's voice is so amazing. The music is very minimal, the power is all in her voice. SO beautiful. The voice of someone who has been thru it (And THEN SOME) and come out on the other side .... and as she says .... And I'm Feelin' Good.
Very very few symptoms today. I'd say 70% good, 30% not as good. Stomach pain vanished. My mind feels clear. I dealt with people all day and with an intensity I had forgotten I possess.
Freedom is MINE! (for the moment)
I saw on the boards what I perceive to be some confusion about what I was using, (I have mentioned it in my journal and some posts before) ....
I was given thru these last 6 years after my accident in 2000 the following drugs; Vicodin, Percoset, Flexeril, (a different muscle relaxant also I forgot the name), many sleeping pills all of which SUCKED badly ....
Also Morphine, I have had three tapered does of steroids to decrease swelling when I could not walk during various flare ups which always came in Winter. I also took some antidepressant that was for neuropathy of S1 aka sciatica. An old one ... amityptilyine? In a tiny dose. That was the drug that started off Suicidal Ideation for me. It made me sleepy, took away my will to live and then gave me the suicidal ideation. And yes, it was scary. Codeine, anti inflamitories, shots of tranquilizers? Xanax, Ativan, Klonopin. I have An anxiety condition that I have had since I was 14. I still take klonopin. I was actually very thankful for the klonopin during the last 19 days.
When I was put on Tramadol, it was because I told the Doctors that I did not want to be on dangerous narcotics. I was not in good shape y then. I was weak and did not even think to research it. I do feel betrayed. I do feel they lied. I am HOPING they were ignorant. But I suspect they are not. ESP now that Sweden changed the classification of Tramadol. I also want to make it clear that i am 100% sure Tramadol has helped some people. Do not kid yourself that I am an all or nothing person; I know all about different body chemistries
Little did I know that the Tramadol made the physical pain worse, and the more I took the worse it became. In the end; I would say 4 months or so before I landed here, I was taking Soma, something they gave me for PTSD (due to a relationship I had with a Psychopath who actually tried to kill me ... Hey, these people wanted details ... And they aren't pretty) .... Trying to recall the name of that drug. Um. My mind is a blank. The point is, the most damaging drug I have ever taken is TRAMADOL. I might e actually allergic to it. And I was taking a minimum of 4-6 a day at the end.And then when I saw that I was wanting to try 8 a day? It freaked me out. I was pretty sure I was going to actually die.
I will add that the Tramadol was not controlling my pain at all. I didn't have a clue Tramadol was making my pain worse and making me into a zombie, numb but also a little crazy. Key being; I had no idea it was happening. None at all. I thought maybe my back was degenerating.
That is the only medication I am currently taking.
Unless you want to count OTC stuff I have tried to ease the pain of withdrawal.
Today I had to work and I was so nervous about it, but I did very very well. I love my job. So, I am blessed.
I still have no sense f hunger or thirst. My stomach hurts a tiny bit. But nothing like it did on Days 17 or 18.
So this is Day 19 and guess what? NO ICE PACKS!
I have taken two doses of Excedrin PM. That helps the w/d and the pain for me. B-12 also helped me out alot.
When i was inured in the accident of 2000, I saw alot of Doctors and they told me that eventually i would be disabled. That I would need surgery.
After about two years I had been in pain, but no western med drugs, only alternative medicine.
Then, when I got scared enough, it made me ANGRY. I decided I would take matters into my own hands. In a year and three weeks I lost 60 pounds. I did this by eating very well using an elliptical machine, a stationary bike, cutting out all trigger foods, ditching sugar and I went from a size 16 to a size 4. I weigh 130-135. And I have stayed that way for over 5 years now. I couldn't understand why I wasn't getting better when I was so physically strong.
I'm 5'8" and I have very small bones. My Normal height is 5'7". After the accident I was 5'6". I am now 5'8" because of the years and years of Bikrams yoga. It's spinal yoga and extremely physical. I wouldn't have done as well without the emotional, physical and spiritual lessons I learned in Bikrams.
As I have mentioned before, Bikrams will be my aftercare. And SOON.
It really blows my mind that Tramadol made me believe I was about to die, when in fact, the truth was, I was being poisoned by Tramadol. There were other things in there that I was supposed to use if the pain flared up. I let it all run out. And not very scientifically either.
I wrote to a dear friend today. Her sister works for a big Pharmaceutical Company. She's a wonderful person, but suffers from OCD and Bipolar and has had to take many different drugs to control her condition. She told me she had been clinically depressed at a very young age, which she told me was a sign of Bipolar disorder. This woman is so intelligent it's unreal. I adore her and being her friend is an honor and a privilege!
Anyhow; I was telling her about how the Tramadol was kicking my butt all over the room and holding me under the toilet water repeatedly. She told me today that she looked it up and she said, "That's some bad SH&t they gave you." I had to laugh, because I know she's been thru so much worse you know? But she was so right on the money with that simple statement. It was bad sh%!! "WAS" being the operative word.
So I was looking into what Tramadol actually is and why so many people are saying it's withdrawal is absolutely horrid.
So I found THIS;
"ULTRAM IS SAME FAMILY OF DRUGS AS STADOL..WHAT I WAS ADDICTED TO FOR 10 YEARS! It is a synthetic narcotic. Stadol was not categorized as addictive for many years!...And Stadol is 10 x's stronger than morphine. Drugco's don't want this categorization for their new and highly advertised money makers!"
Now I just need to figure out what Stadol is .... :)
Here's some good news about Day 19;
1. No headache
2. Doesn't hurt when I blink, no ice pick to the head when I blink! YAY!
3. Only mild pain in the intestine.
4. I'm not walking into walls
5. I'm not falling down stairs
6. My sweat no longer feels like SICK sweat.
7. I SLEEP
8. I'm not puking up vitamins
What have I done that helped? I have taken alot of vitamins and supplements. I have taken aminos. I have eaten NOTHING but excellent food. I tried working out 10 minutes a day, but basically could barely make it thru on the elliptical trainer. I have an iPod that has energizing songs on it and that helps.
Bananas, apples, peaches, very very dark chocolate in extreme moderation helps.
I was so lucky that The 4th of July long weekend happened when it did. It allowed me to really rest.
I take hot baths or showers with Queen Helene Batherapy Lavender which has a very high mineral content in it. Lavender oil rubbed into temples helps. Massage helps. Sleep helps. Warmth helps. Mindless movies help and after awhile, reading helps.
Anger instead of Fear was a HUGE key for me. TY cadillac jack ...
When w/d symptoms were bad I would take an antihistamine. I had activated charcoal just in case I felt I had taken too much of something. I haven't had to use that, but that was reassuring to me.
I have every nerve tonic and herb that helps rebuild. I use Emergen-C when I drink water. I now dislike drinking water whereas before I was drinking a gallon a day with no problem.
I haven't been well enough to take many hot baths, but hot showers worked just as well.
I'm feeling very good and I hope you are as well. There's light at the end of the tunnel. I realize of course that I could wake up tomorrow and feel absolutely terrible again. But that's a risk I can live with. I kow it is Random.
Day by day. Moment by moment. What I can't live with is Tramadol; the oh so safe, no withdrawal great for chronic pain medication.
*kicks tramadol in the head again* *Hard!*
PS. Did I mention that the back pain is extremely tolerable? As in, I barely notice it? On 6 Tramadol a day I was begging DH to take me to the ER for back pain. I was sure I had back cancer!